Jun 01 2013

Dagger Drop’s Review Forum

Published by at 8:23 pm under Review Forums

Please see the comments below.

38 responses so far

38 Responses to “Dagger Drop’s Review Forum”

  1. Dagger_Dropon 28 Jul 2013 at 6:22 pm

    Hello readers of Superhero Nation, my name is not important but you can call me Dagger Drop. I love writing but am often what I call overly inspired (meaning I tend to jump around between stories). It always help to get feedback on my ideas and thanks to B Mac I can ask you all for input!
    Many of my stories I write vary between genres. They could be Sci Fi, fantasy, realistic fiction, and most recently I’ve been very into the steam-punk genre. Most of my stories include superheroes even if the hero doesn’t think they are one. Many of these steam-punk superhero stories will take place at a boarding school called Sheffield Academy (not a real place) in England.

    Here is my first idea

    Tales of the Outsider (temporary name open to suggestions)
    Walt McKinley is the main character. He’s sixteen years old and comes from a long line of vigilantes. His father has been teaching him martial arts and fighting skill for years, training him to take the reigns as a hero. But a few months before his seventeenth birthday his father dies of mysterious circumstances. He is sent to live with his great aunt, whom immediately sends him to a boarding school called Sheffield Academy. Walt uses his skills to protect Sheffield Academy and the neighboring city as a hero called the Outsider.

    I know it’s not much but I will post more information about it when I figure more out about the story I’ll post it.

  2. Nightwireon 28 Jul 2013 at 8:53 pm

    It’s great to see another kindred soul who likes steampunk! Your idea shows promise but I think so far there’s nothing that really stands out. I’d love to have more information on Walt’s personality and motivation, his alter-ego and Sheffield Academy. Also, does your story have a main villain?

  3. Dagger_Dropon 29 Jul 2013 at 7:02 pm

    @ Nightwire
    Thanks, here’s some info about Walt and his alter ego.

    Full Name: Walter Edwin McKinley
    Age: sixteen going on seventeen
    Looks: Walt has shaggy black hair and cobalt blue eyes, traits he got from his mother. He has a small scar across his left eyebrow from a fight he got in when he was seven. He stands at a height around 5’9 and weighs 147 lbs. He’s not exactly handsome but he’s alright looking.
    Personality: He’s kind of shy around others and prefers his own company with the exception of his roommate Xavier Carlisle. This trait is contradicted when he goes around as the Outsider, during which he is rather daring and quite courageous. He’s pretty creative, shown by the multitude of drawings in his desk drawers. He enjoys drawing and does it quite often. He doodles in class and tinkers in his room, which is where he came up with the tools he uses as the Outsider.
    The Outsider: The Outsider is Walt’s alter ego. I’ll put a picture of the suit up after this post. It has a red, black, and gray color scheme. The suit gives him an outlet for the stress built up by his life. He claims the Outsider is his personal form of therapy. He even goes so far to say that he finds the Outsider has it’s own set of personality traits. These include courage, self assurance, extrovert-ness, risk taking and more. As the outsider he uses such tools as an extending bostaff, smoke grenades, noise makers (to distract enemies from his true location), a small device use to produce an almost inaudible sound/signal that can make Morse-code to relay information to Xavier Carlisle (his roommate and confidant) or activate sound activated stuff, and he even uses shuriken as ranged weapons.

    Unfortunately I don’t have a major villain yet. I’m thinking possibly a mob boss that operates out of a sanatorium. If I went in this direction he would have a significant connection to Walt. Maybe he would be his older brother that went crazy with post traumatic stress disorder and psychosis after their mom died when Walt was little. If he operated out of the sanatorium he would have replaced the staff with his thugs. thoughts?

  4. Dagger_Dropon 29 Jul 2013 at 7:05 pm

    turns out I can’t put up the picture.

  5. Nightwireon 29 Jul 2013 at 9:21 pm

    Do you have a deviantart or flickr account? If you do, you can put the picture there.

    Anyway, the Outside seems really cool. I myself am working on a steampunk superhero project, and you and I do have some stuff in common (my protagonist also operates around the vicinity of a boarding school, with his best friend/roomate as the secret keeper). If you’re interested and have time to spare, you can check out my review forum: http://www.superheronation.com/2012/03/01/nightwires-review-forum/ (Keep in mind that it’s been a long time since I last updated it, so large chunks of my concept have been changed since then, but the general idea is still the same).

    But enough about my shameless self-promotion! Let’s get on with your concept. Everything I’ve seen so far seems pretty solid, but I think we still need more information on Walt’s background (what’s his home life like before he comes to Sheffield? What’s his father like? His relationship with his father, etc.) in order to understand him better.

    I figure, if your protag operates within a boarding school environment, then you must have some story potential to with it. Will Sheffield Academy have any bearings on the plot? Are you having more supporting characters coming out of it?

  6. Nightwireon 29 Jul 2013 at 9:22 pm

    The idea of a criminal mastermind operating out of a sanatorium is pretty interesting, but I’m still ambivalent on making him Walt’s brother. But if you can make it work, kudos to you.

  7. Dagger_Dropon 30 Jul 2013 at 8:16 am

    Thank you for the input.
    I hadn’t even thought of putting the pic on my DeviantArt. the link is right here: http://dagger-drop.deviantart.com/art/The-Outsider-s-suit-389410038?ga_submit_new=10%253A1375194895

    I agree that the villain being his brother is a bit weird. I’ll change that. Maybe he worked with Walt’s father in the past but went bad Ala Red Hood? If he did operate out of a sanatorium I would like it to be an active one, or at least seem like an active one. Maybe the “patients are also his thugs?

    Walt had a rocky relationship with his father, starting when his mother died in a freak explosion. His dad was a vigilante known as the Tool Master (because of his large arsenal of inventions). The aforesaid explosion was conducted by the villain Misfire, in an attempt to draw out Walt’s father. this attempt succeeded and led to Misfire’s death.
    After that his father was distant, cold, and analytically in his relationship with Walt. Walt’s homeschooling was left to a private tutor and most of his physical training to a self defense specialist. his father continued some of his studies, mostly forms of martial arts not known to many people.
    Walt’s father even taught him their family’s close guarded Reversal style. the Reversal style works on the basis of using your opponent’s momentum and power against them. Any melee attack the opponent attempts the user simply uses a system of rotating and throwing the opponent in a way that spins off their strength. This technique is known only to members of the McKinley family. When Walt tried to show it to his self defense instructor he was punished for trying to make up a form of martial arts. Basically Walt and his dad had a relationship built on a sort of cold respect and unsaid words.
    Walt didn’t socialize much with other kids when he was little, which led him to being an anti-socialite. As I have said before when he is the Outsider he is rather outgoing, even kissing a girl he saves.

    Sheffield will play a big part in the story, he has to balance his nightlife with his day school. I think having the roommate being a confidant or at least knowing about it is kind of inevitable. Plus it helps that he can cover for him when needed. The girl I said he kisses after saving also goes to Sheffield. Many of my Steam-punk hero stories will feature Sheffield Academy. I’m still working on school plots that aren’t cliche, WAY tougher than some might think.

  8. Nightwireon 30 Jul 2013 at 8:55 am

    I like the Outsider’s costume, but it looks kinda too modern for a steampunk setting. What is your preferred media? Comic or prose? If you do comic, a modification might be in order. I am absolutely fashion-blind, so I’m afraid I can’t help you there. 😛

    The Reversal style is a really good idea for this type of hero. Is Walt’s father still working as a vigilante? I figure he must have some future role in the plot besides the backstory stuff.

    Good call on making a non-cliched high school environment. I absolutely LOATHE the high school setting that is prevalent in popular media, that’s why the setting of my work is more like a university/college town.

  9. Nightwireon 30 Jul 2013 at 8:59 am

    So, if the villain is just another patient in the asylum, how exactly does he do his thing there?

  10. Dagger_Dropon 30 Jul 2013 at 9:28 am

    I’m not sure about the dad. I’m thinking he’s worried Walt will be put in danger so he sends him to Sheffield. He’ll play a major role later (I’ll probably kill him off)

    And the villain isn’t just another patient. He runs the sanatorium under the guise of a patient. The staff and patients have all been replaced by his lackeys.

    I agree that it’s too modern but I prefer prose so I can change it up in the story. the website I built it on, hero machine (Look it up, it’s fantastic) didn’t have many steam-punk esque pieces.

  11. Nightwireon 30 Jul 2013 at 10:05 am

    You’re planning to do multiple stories right? Have you got a concrete plot in mind?

  12. Dagger_Dropon 30 Jul 2013 at 10:10 am

    not quite yet. this is going to be Walt’s first year or so as a hero so I think I could have fun with that. Stuff like getting the crap beat out of him and going to a medical student he trusts rather than an actual nurse, poor timing, etc.

  13. Dagger_Dropon 30 Jul 2013 at 10:12 am

    If i make it a series this one’s title could be The Outsider: the First of Days.

  14. GreenWithAwesomeon 30 Jul 2013 at 10:49 am

    *throws self in* Oooh I love steampunk! I just love the clothing and designs of everything in a steampunk world. It’s gonna’ be difficult to capture it in novel, but I’m sure it’s been done!

    I really like your character’s name. It’s simple, easy to remember and works in the context of the story (it bugs me most if it’s, like, Tudor era and some woman’s walking around with the name Shani’qua).

    What’s the significance of Sheffield Academy? Why would his aunt send him there specifically, rather than some other teaching institution? What prompted Walt to become a superhero?

    I hope Sheffield Acad. isn’t gonna’ be one of those stereotypical posh boarding school clichés. >.> They run rampant on Fictionpress; @Nightwire, I wouldn’t look there if I were you! 😛

    Reversal Style (or using your opponent’s flow against you) sounds like Jujitsu, so it isn’t that unique an idea and it doesn’t seem realistic that his defence instructor would punish him for it. I mean, as long as you can actually defend yourself, does it matter what style you use?

    Maybe, if you wanted Walt to suffer from some inner turmoil, you could have him struggle against his ‘two personalities’. Maybe he has to face why he’s so shy as Walt and not-so when he’s The Outsider? And I’m guessing this girl that he kisses is the object of his affections?

    Hope I wasn’t being too harsh! I’d still love to know more!

    ~ GwA

  15. Dagger_Dropon 30 Jul 2013 at 4:15 pm


    I’ve decided against killing off his father in the begining and having his aunt send him to Sheffield. Instead the dad, a hero called Tool Master, sends him there to try and keep him safe. This adds to Walt’s inner turmoil because he doesn’t know why his dad sends him away.

    Sheffield is significant because it acts as almost a sort of prison in Walt’s mind. His father sent him far away to a boarding school for no reason Walt is aware of, and he doesn’t fit in there. he had little social interaction as a kid so he’s antisocial at Sheffield leading him to become revered as a weirdo by his peers. He constantly gets in fights but the principal, an acquaintance Walt’s dad’s, is trying to help him. At one point he gets a letter saying his dad died in mysterious circumstances.
    In a fit of anger he goes into Keaton City (the town next to Sheffield) and picks a fight with some thugs beating up some guy. He is slightly injured but easily takes down the group of four with his skill in combat. he realizes he can help people and his roommate helps him make a suit and some tools so he can become the Outsider.

    I’m trying very hard to keep Sheffield from becoming a generic prep school that are unfortunately all over Fictionpress (I LOVE that website my username is Rockstar Author, look me up for some of my stories). I’m currently racking my brain for plot points that aren’t cliche as hell.

    You may be right about reversal style and jujitsu, I didn’t intend for those similarities. Reversal style focuses very heavily on circles and spinning your momentum to avoid taking hits unintended by the user. His teacher punishes him because Walt says he knows a technique his teacher didn’t know and tried to show him reversal style. the tech thought he was making fun of martial arts and punished him.

    I like your idea of the dual personality conflict, I might use that. subconsciously he finds it easier to be outgoing when people don’t know it’s him. The same way texting appeals to shy people more than making actual calls. You’re right about him liking the girl he kisses as the Outsider.

    Thanks for the advice GwA!

  16. Nightwireon 30 Jul 2013 at 10:45 pm

    Really sorry man, I didn’t know you already posted on my review forum! That’s what I get for not bothering to check on mine. 😛

    I did respond to your input, so feel free to trash me! :))

    Now I shall have to bash myself over the head for not thinking of the dual personality conflict sooner.

  17. Dagger_Dropon 01 Aug 2013 at 10:09 am

    No problem, I have the same problem with some other sites.

  18. Dagger_Dropon 02 Aug 2013 at 7:35 am

    While racking my brain for a plot for The Outsider’s story i came up with a fantasy story. it follows a boy named Caleb (no last name because he’s an orphan and never knew his parents). The story, though not really a Lord of the Rings style book, has several species that inhabit the world of Icara. These would include humans, were-creatures, vampires (Not Twilight ones), fey, demons, and angels (angels wouldn’t appear in the book but would be mentioned.

    Here’s the basic concept-
    When a young orphan named Caleb accidentally activates a faerie circle that malfunctions he is imbued with the faerie magic from the binding. He gains a mystical abilities at the price of releasing the imprisoned demon prince Tibalt. This draws the attention of the Lightrays, an organization dedicated to the protection of the people of Icara. Due to his powers he is offered the chance to join them or be persecuted for releasing Tibalt.
    Though he opts to join them he is put on trial and is only pardoned due to the fact that some of the faerie magic he was given also went into Tibalt, making the two linked in a way that could allow for the tracking/capturing of the Demon Prince. He is given a handler, Jessica Blackthorn, whom is told to establish a small and elite team to track down and capture Tibalt.

    I already have a cast of characters planned out and I think I could work it into a series rather easily. Thoughts?

  19. Nightwireon 02 Aug 2013 at 9:07 am

    Color me intrigued, since I love fantasy and scifi stories with extensive world building. Though the would need a lot more expansion in order to differentiate it from other fantasy epics, but I think you know that already. 😀

    I do think that making the main villain a demon is a bit cliched. I’d recommend making Tibalt a Faerie Prince. It would make a lot more sense given Caleb’s situation, and besides, faeries are already evil and callous assholes in canon mythologies already.

  20. GreenWithAwesomeon 02 Aug 2013 at 10:11 am

    Have to agree with @Nightwire here, does sound a little cliché, not to mention that it reminds me of The Mortal Instruments series (all about an organisation of Shadowhunters that protect humans by slaying demons etc.). But I like how they are linked and how Caleb is almost put on trial. Sounds quite interesting; you should build on it more!

    But can I just say, focus on one idea at a time. There’s no problem with having more than one idea, but, say, don’t start writing the books for both The Outsider and then Caleb’s at once. It ain’t good for you. 😛

  21. Dagger_Dropon 02 Aug 2013 at 1:59 pm

    The main reason I made Tibalt a demon is because of The Red Sun Society. The Red Sun Society is a secret society completely in Tibalt’s thrall. It’s members blindly throw down their lives to fight for their cause; making certain the Tibalt achieves his goal. They believe that when Tibalt throws the world into eternal chaos he will reward them with power and make them rulers over the new world. They are extremely dangerous because not only are they not afraid of death, they welcome it. They think if they die for Tibalt’s cause he will make them demons of great power. One of the sequels to this book might be called The Red Sun Society.
    Another reason is that Tibalt uses demons as allies. Tibalt releases multiple other demons and gathers allies in his quest for chaos. One is the aforementioned Zera. Zera is a vampiric demon with very sharp teeth, gray skin, crimson eyes, and claws. Another of Tibalt’s allies is Vamas, a shape shifting demon and the being some say is the father of all were-creatures. Vamas’ true form is a hodgepodge of animal parts, he is titled The Chimera. His last demonic ally is Cressida Morgenstern. Though not technically a demon, the sorceress uses demon magic. She has been called the Enchantress.

  22. Dagger_Dropon 02 Aug 2013 at 2:04 pm

    @GwA I LOVE the Mortal Instruments! Can’t wait for the City of Bones movie, hope they don’t mess it up like the Percy Jackson movie. And I won’t be writing Caleb and the Outsider at the same time. i plan on putting off Walt’s tale for now since Caleb’s story has a basic plot, solid villains, and a cast of characters already.

  23. ChickenNoodleson 02 Aug 2013 at 2:48 pm

    @Dagger Drop.
    I personally don’t like the idea of having your MC accidentally activating a faerie circle that just so happens to be imprisoning the story’s main villain it was way to obvious in my opinion. I suggest giving him a more urgent proactive reason for activating the circle purposefully. It’ll help your MC seem more active. By the way what are the mechanics behind the faerie circle how would one activate it?

  24. Dagger_Dropon 02 Aug 2013 at 3:48 pm

    What happens is that Caleb, an orphan in a small town steals some food. he’s done it before so the shop owner is mad and alerts the guards. The guards chase him into the woods where he stumbles upon the ruined Castle Uthrad, said to be haunted by ghosts (this is learned to be a spell set to ward away random people. He thinks it’s the perfect place to hide and runs in. The guards decide to wait for him to come out, they think it’s haunted.
    After going in he falls through a hole in the floor (it’s a ruined castle and it’s dark), making him tumble down a couple of levels. after which he has several cuts and bruises and a limp. he sees no way to climb up the hole so he walks down the passage he fell into, seeing a faint light ahead. the light is coming from a circular room.
    The room has a pedestal in the center, on which sits a golden box covered in chains. the box is the source of the light. As Caleb steps closer to the pedestal a circle in the floor lined with strange faerie symbols glows blue (it was covered with dust moments before) and the circle is surrounded by blue fire; this prevent’s Caleb from leaving. All that’s in the 20 foot circle is Caleb, the pedestal and box, and a giant stone statue with a big sword. The statue begins moving and swipes it’s sword at Caleb, a swing that Caleb rolls out of the way of. Due to the momentum the sword strikes the pedestal and breaks it. The box falls and opens, releasing a giant mass of fire, red smoke, and ashes (Tibalt in his weakened state). the statue attacks Tibalt but fails to make contact with Tibalt’s currently intangible form and his sword strike the circle, breaking it.
    Energy from the circle begins sparking and flashing all over the place and the flames go out. lots of magic swarms Caleb and Tibalt but Tibalt flies out of the castle very quickly, laughing maniaclly and thanking Caleb. The remaining magic continues to swarm Caleb and he passes out as his wounds are being healed by the magic.

    You should also be reminded that the magic is very old and the castle had since gone to hell. The place had been set up two thousand years ago and back then it was fortified and a headquarters of the Lightray Order, the group Caleb joins. later Caleb learns that Tibalt killed everyone in the town, except Edgar Mycroft, more on him later.

  25. Nightwireon 03 Aug 2013 at 1:53 am

    @Dagger Drop: The Red Sun Society feels too much like your stereotypical doomsday cult, i.e. one-dimensionally evil just for the sake of it and inexplicably dumb/shortsighted (really, you guys? Trusting a demon lord to hand the world over to you?). You need to flesh RSS a lot more in order to make them believable and interesting villains. How long has RSS existed? How did they gain this nihilistic belief? Have they encountered Tibalt before, and why do they think helping him is a good thing? How do they expect to make Tibalt keep his promise? etc.

    I also hate the Always Chaotic Evil trope, so you should at least try to create some internal conflict within the order, with different members having different goals and methods. I’d like for some of them to be somewhat noble.

    How about this: make Tibalt this far-out threat that would really be encountered until the finale, with the Red Sun Society at the front. You should spend time developing the RSS leader and at least one or two high-ranking members.

    It’d also be a good idea to have someone with a personal relationship to the heroes consider joing RSS. Perhaps he/she genuinely believes in their goal, has no choice, etc. It will make a good conflict.

  26. Dagger_Dropon 03 Aug 2013 at 7:15 am

    You are absolutely right Nightwire.
    Like most cults the RSS thinks they’re doing good. They believe that Icara is doomed and Tibalt is their salvation. They’ve been around for thousands of years, going by different names and such but it has been the same root organization. They’ve rooted themselves into the governments in each province on way or another (I’m thinking that the king of one of the provinces is a member).
    There is some internal conflict among members about Tibalt’s return and the way he’s going about things (not all of them are okay with his motives). The RSS has met Tibalt before, they assissted hime even before he was sealed. But some of the highest ranking members don’t think he;s a demon, they think he’s an angel or a god or something.

    I hadn’t really thought of having the RSS at the front lines. Most of the RSS prefer to use government positions to destroy Caleb’s mission and the Lightray Order (there are two members of the RSS in there too). I could easily make that work, with the exception of Tibalt’s demon generals Zera, Vamas, and Cressida Morganstern; I want them to make a few appearances throughout the book.

    As for your last point; one of the people who join the group, which I would like to keep small, is Aline Nocturne. Aline Nocturne is the leader of a vampire group called the Dark Hunters; they’re a covert group that does a lot of spying, recon, and police the other vampire clans. Aline, as the leader of a power group of vampires, has been approached many times by members of the RSS (she might defect later on in the story after learning that Zera is siding with Tibalt)

  27. Nightwireon 03 Aug 2013 at 9:28 am

    You have really put a lot of thought into it! 😀 So what’s Aline Nocturne’s relationship to the main cast?

  28. Dagger_Dropon 03 Aug 2013 at 10:12 am

    Caleb’s team: The members include Caleb, Jessica, a were-lion named Castor, a former vampire hunter named Jonah Ryder, and the vampiric leader of the Dark Hunters, Alina.
    Jessica is a rather high ranking member of the Lightray Order. She’s quite eccentric and Caleb finds her strange, that doesn’t stop her from being incredible in battle. Her weapons of choice are a pair of silver swords though she also uses throwing knives and caltrops (the spike things that sit on the ground to be stepped on). Even though she has a light and not-so-serious demeanor she can be extremely intimidating when she wants to.
    Castor owes Jessica his life so he is almost always with her; he protects her from most threats, even though she is clearly capable of handling herself in almost any situation. He’s a man of few words and it’s difficult to find him away from Jessica. Jessica saved him from a coven of vampires a few years ago. He is incredibly strong and fast, especially in his beast form. His weapons of choice other than beast form include his natural skill and explosives.
    Jonah was added after it was discovered that Tibalt had released the vampiric greater demon Zera (he was able to go toe to toe with the demon without too much trouble). He is around 47 years old and is tough as nails. He wears an eye-patch to help his night vision. He uses a silver sword, salt and iron, and other anti-vampire items. He also eats garlic regularly (he’s not sure it works but says he can’t be too careful). He doesn’t trust Alina, for several reasons.
    Alina is the leader of the Dark Hunters, a guild of vampires that operate in the shadows. She’s been a vampire for 300 years and is a master of stealth. Her weapons include her vampire powers and several knives, throwing or otherwise. I might have her join the RSS later in the book. Jonah is suspicious of her; partly because she’s a vampire, partly because none of them have met her in person and she pretty much invited herself into the team.

  29. Dagger_Dropon 03 Aug 2013 at 2:47 pm

    I thought I should give some info about the four provinces of Icara, the world this book takes place in.

    The world of Icara is divided into four provinces. These four provinces are on rocky terms and are always threatening to go to war. Despite this none of them want war. These four provinces have their own cultures and ruling families. However, they all have the same religion and believe in the same things, save for a few cults here and there

    Eldra: Eldra is the province that Caleb lived in before Tibalt’s release. It’s full of plains and small forests. Their main export is plants; used in food, medicine, etc. Their ruling family is the Kelders. The current head of the family is Damian Kelder, his children are Michael and Ariel Kelder. I’m not sure if they will appear in the story since I don’t plan on them staying in Eldra for much more than a third of the book.

    Karin: The Desert Province. It is full of deserts and the odd savanna. Despite this they don’t have problems with water and droughts. This is because they have created many wells per town and have even created piping to transport the water. When you live in a desert you have an incentive to make water widely available. They are known for their fabric/weaving, people in other provinces will pay top dollar for Karinian fabric. The people there have darker/tanned skin and have a high resistance to heat. The Karin province is ruled by the Erian family. The Erian family consists of Mason Eria, his wife Sarah, and their four daughters: Maura, Selina, Leah, and Calla.

    Rayda: Rayda is the northern most province, known for it’s music/art. It has frequent trouble with blizzards and is considered inhospitable by outsiders. It has many forests in the southern parts and thus has a surplus of lumber. To the north it has more mountains. This province in not visited in the first book. It is ruled by the Redcords. The family is composed of Daniel Redcord, his wife Maria, and their twin sons Blake and Clayton.

    Malinara: The mountain province. Malinara is home to 80% of the mountains in Icaria, including the Calderon mountain range. They are known for their minerals and mines. Malinara supplies most of Icara with metal and gemstones, thus many wealthy people purchase Malinarian jewelry. It is ruled by Amelia Secord, her daughter Laura, and her son Lucas. This province might be visited in the first book, still not sure.

  30. Nightwireon 04 Aug 2013 at 6:21 am

    So far Tibalt (along with his associates) seems like a pretty standard Big Bad. Can you tell me more about him? What’s that guy’s story?

  31. Dagger_Dropon 04 Aug 2013 at 7:33 am

    Tibalt is a demon prince. Meaning he’s one of the most powerful beings out there. He feeds on chaos and hatred, which is why he wants to throw Icara into eternal chaos and despair. He is unpredictable in action and thought which is why the Lightray Order needs Caleb. A couple thousand years ago the Order managed to seal tibalt, though the details of the sealing are unknown and the chambers was messed up by Tibalt, Caleb, magic, and time.

    At the time of his release Tibalt is unable to take physical form. He appears as a mass of red fire , smoke, and some black ashes; Caleb later claims he could see a face in the mass of fire smoke and ash. Because of Tibalt’s weakened state he had to take a host. He flew into Caleb’s village and took over the person who harbored the most hatred and cruelty, a young man named Edgar Mycroft; Edgar is non-coincidentally a bully that often terrorizes Caleb. Under Tibalt’s control Edgar’s eyes turned crimson red, his skin became a shade of red, he grew two small horns at his temples, and his canine teeth sharpened. Later on in the story Tibalt ditches Edgar’s body and takes his own form, once he gets strong enough that is. Caleb later learns that Tibalt murdered everyone in the village.

  32. Glamtronon 27 Sep 2013 at 1:32 am

    I’m also thinking of a boarding school stuff..about 4 students (team Rep)

  33. Glamtronon 29 Sep 2013 at 9:16 pm

    Tryin to stop a teacher’s evil plan

  34. CaptainWhizzon 21 Nov 2013 at 8:21 am

    Regarding the steampunk setting, the name Keaton City didn’t sit right with me.

    1. You said it was a town, but it’s called Keaton City. Is it a town or a city?

    2. Cities in the UK are rarely called ‘Something City’; I can’t think of any off the top of my head. Except Welwyn Garden City, which is a town, not a city, so proves me wrong on 1&2, but I always thought sounded like a terrible name.

    3. Google maps and Wikipedia might be useful tools? Or, as someone with only a passing knowledge of that part of England, I would recommend Barnsley. I’m sure that anyone who knows anything about the place will accept a fight occurring in Barnsley, and those that haven’t probably won’t be bothered by the name. Close to Sheffield, so it’s feasible that characters would go there on a whim, but far enough away that the MC wouldn’t know anyone.

    Also, good choice for steampunk, as that area was renowned for steel production, and plenty of coal too.

  35. B. McKenzieon 21 Nov 2013 at 9:34 pm

    “Cities in the UK are rarely called ‘Something City.'” That’s true of the United States as well. Of the 100 largest cities in the U.S., only 4 (New York City, Oklahoma City, Kansas City, and Jersey City) have “City” in their everyday name. I think authors tend to use “City” in fictional place names because they feel it makes it easier for readers to identify that the name belongs to a place/city rather than, say, a person. (Or because they’re basing their city on New York City). My rough estimate is that at least 50% of superhero city names have “City,” maybe more than 75%.

    PS: In the U.S., the ending “ton” is actually a lot more common than “City”: Houston, Boston, Washington, Arlington TX, Stockton, Lexington, Baton Rouge, Huntington, and Arlington VA.

  36. CaptainWhizzon 22 Nov 2013 at 8:34 am

    True, “-ton” being a contraction of “-town” I believe?

    Also consider “-bridge” and “-ford”, for places built around river crossings. There’s even a place called Heckfordbridge near me, which seems like overkill.

  37. ChickenNoodleson 24 Nov 2013 at 5:09 pm

    What about Salt Lake City?

  38. B. McKenzieon 24 Nov 2013 at 11:16 pm

    According to the list I used, Salt Lake City isn’t one of the 100 most populous U.S. cities. Either way, the proportion of U.S. cities with “City” in them would be very, very low.

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