Mar 22 2013

Proxie#0’s Review Forum

Published by at 6:08 am under Review Forums

Who am I?

Hello, I am Proxie, and I am a… ahem, a Marine in southern California. I try to defy the laws of physics and avoid the use of as much language as possible.

What am I writing?

I have two “great works” in the, well, in the works. The first is actually under another screen name I had on here for a while, WinsloWMudd, but you can look there for THAT synopsis. This other thing I’, working on is sort of a Supernatural Mystery with elements of horror added in…not arbitrarily i might add.

[Series?] Synopsis:

This is a story of one woman who tries to return home to her family after having estranged herself for years, but must first save it from the people she believes will endanger it. The only thing is, her family may be just as involved in the web of lies as the enemy themselves.

Who is my target audience?

My target audience is going to be fairly flexible, I think. I know that I grew up on mysteries, even though every character was almost ten times my age. But if I had to but an age or a group to it, I would say it would be late high-school or older

I am going to begin posting different character summaries and plots/subplots soon. I can be really busy sometimes, but I will try to post at least one thing a day…

10 responses so far

10 Responses to “Proxie#0’s Review Forum”

  1. B. McKenzieon 04 Aug 2013 at 11:48 am

    I think it could be really interesting that her family may be involved in seediness and/or deception.

  2. Proxie#0on 04 Aug 2013 at 12:30 pm

    [Working] Title:

    Where Darkness Falls


    Audrey Malone – An intelligent, headstrong woman who will do anything she can to protect the people she holds dear.

    Ivan “Salim” Geoffrey – A naive police officer who is too kind for his own good, willingly letting people walk over top of him, and bearing little initiative.

    Marilyn Calhoun – A lonely cougar who longs to end the abusive relationship she is in, but keeps up her facade of contentedness, hoping it will hold until her child is born.

    August Calhoun – A man who wants nothing more than to find stability and keep his family together, even if it takes sometimes violent measures.

    Jason Everett – An old father who longs to reunite the family he destroyed so long ago, he harbors much regret, but also much hope for the future.

    Priscilla Malone – An older woman driven cold by her past marriage, and who cannot bear to see her children for the shame the memories they bring. She loves them, but the regret and sadness is too much to bear.

    [Working] Plot*:

    Audrey returns home to find that her brother is being accused, and soon tried, as the source of the towns recent string of kidnappings/murders. She quickly begins investigating further into this without the aid or knowledge of the police, believing her brother to be innocent. She visits her mother, Priscilla, in hopes of rekindling their relationship (Audrey had auto-estranged herself from the family) and finds that her father, Jason, is back in town, released from prison/asylum. After finding an old childhood friend, Marilyn, she enlists her help.

    They both continue investigating into the murders, and Audrey also takes note of Marilyn strange actions and moods. After a certain incident, she realizes that Marilyn is still in a horrible relationship with her old high-school hottie, August. Audrey begins to balance helping Marilyn and trying to prove her brothers innocence, and soon finds that she is being stalked. As she continues the battle on both fronts, the stalker becomes more aggressive, and Marilyns relationship becomes more and more volatile.

    When it seems that it is too much for her and her baby, Audrey begs Priscilla to at least take Marilyn in, and she does. After that, Audrey’s stalker becomes much more persistent and violent, and Audrey begins to suspect (being judgmental and paranoid as she is) that her father is “behind it all.” She goes to confront him, and during thier conversation, she receives a call from Priscilla, who seems to be in danger, along with Marilyn. Audrey enlists Jason’s aid, and they both go to her mothers home. There, with the aid of Ivan, they manage to get inside. they attempt to fend off the intruder, and manage to do so…but not before Marilyns stomach is stabbed, and the baby lost.

    Ivan runs after the intruder (August) as the others prepare to get further aid. The stalker appears, and begins attacking them, and Jason attempts to kill him. This only furthers the monsters rage, and he knocks everyone unconscious, and begins to prepare to kill them before the police and ambulance arrive. Meanwhile, back in the forest, Ivan nearly catches August, but is rendered blind and deaf after firing a shot at him, and is caught off guard – and knocked out.

    *Note: This is the first act of the story. Upon suggestion, I can make this an entire novel, but I’d like to try to have it stay a “part.”

  3. Proxie#0on 04 Aug 2013 at 12:33 pm

    Thank you B. Mac! I was actually intending on, later in the book/series, her finding that after all her efforts, her brother was actually involved in all of the events that transpired. I wouldn’t just throw that in willy nilly though. I intend on throwing a lot of doubt into it. Being a loving sibling as she is, she’d still blindly accept it as coincidence unless proven beyond a shadow of a doubt.

  4. Proxie#0on 12 Aug 2013 at 10:24 pm

    This is the first of a few character summaries that are going to be going up on this page, and I would like to warn that they are going to be fairly lengthy. I think this first one clocked in at about 680 words, so you have been warned.

  5. Proxie#0on 12 Aug 2013 at 11:27 pm

    Name: Audrey Marie Malone
    Age: 37 DOB: 1976
    Eye Color: Blue Hair Color: Black Hair Type: Professional Bun, Ponytail
    Height: 5’9” Body Type: About average, a little bit more muscle than fat.*
    *Wears 36-B bra, would never think of going anywhere without one on.
    Ph.D. in Psychology, Minor in Education of Minors
    Her now deceased husband:
    Taught her how to use pistols effectively, and now she feel at least comfortable firing one
    Underwent weeks of classes in “Krav Maga” both before and after his death.
    Previously a Psychologist* at the Myers & Jamey law firm
    Currently a teacher at Central Seattle High

    Audrey is essentially an intelligent yet headstrong woman. She is capable of thinking through situations and coming up with unique and usually manipulative ways to solve a problem, but she is lead first by her emotion and her heart. She can be very reckless when it comes to her family, and will, even when she knows they are in the wrong, stand in for them. While she would like to extend this to her mother, neither has managed to get close enough to care for the other, to both parties discontent. So for the most part, this warm loyalty is extended towards her closest allies and friends. This would most often be her brother, her one or two remaining friends from her childhood, and some of her more personally known clients and students. She masks all of this, however, with a mask of blunt rudeness. She can be condescending and belligerent at the same time, and does the most she can to put off other people. She hides her true self because, in her dark past, she learned that the world rejects those who try in favor of those who sit there and take the beating. Ultimately though, Audrey wants to re-establish a relationship with her mother and her brother, all of her old friends, but she also wants to be able to find a new love, although she is unable to leave her late husband behind. She has created her own sense of loneliness and isolation from her fears, her loves, and her regrets. She absolutely hates men who think that they can use their power and status to get what they want, and especially hates her father. She also despises the people who put children in harm’s way, and a murderous rage against those who actually harm them.

    Habits: Audrey keeps, or tries to keep, as much distance between herself and others as possible, on the verge of it being overtly obvious. When it comes to men, she tries to avoid all contact, especially eye contact. She usually begins tapping her feet or hands upon this, and it intensifies with every move made towards her personal space. If they were to make any foul remarks or moves, she would not hesitate to come back with or physical rebuke, especially in the case of sexual harassment. When she is not taking her anti-depressants, she is very moody, and lashes out at anyone who happens to set her off.

    Empathy: Audrey is capable of sensing what emotions are being felt by a person or group of people, and more specifically, what emotions are driving their current actions. This can also manifest itself as a lie detector, though this use is very fallible. Audrey is able to use this ability to plant emotions and vague ideas inside another person’s head, though she has stopped this practice since the event that caused her to lose her practitioners license.

    Psychometry: Audrey can also sense the emotions, and sometimes see very faint images, of an objects past by coming in contact with it. This is not very commonly used by her, as it must be a person or thing very special to her or her family for it to work. When it does, she goes into a trance for the period of time she views the past, which is limited to the previous 22 hours.

  6. Proxie#0on 25 Aug 2013 at 11:41 am

    I have decided to forgo any lengthy character descriptions…though I can post them later at readers/reviewers behest. Anyhow, I will be putting up chapter summaries instead, which will let you all see how the character is without me having to tell you. If anything seems amiss or a character seems to be out of…character, then let me know. I am here for all the criticism I can get!

    Thanks in advance everyone!

  7. Proxie#0on 25 Aug 2013 at 11:42 am

    Prior Events:

    Audrey, after having no contact with her maternal family for over ten years, decides that she will return home to at least visit her mother and brother. She sleeps on the ferry across the causeway, and takes a bus the rest of the way to the town.

    Once there, Audrey has a cab bring her to her favorite restaurant (from her childhood) where she eats. In the middle of her meal, she sees that a serial killer that had been plaguing the town in the past few months had been captured. On the television, she sees both the person claiming to have escaped and who lead the police to him, and she also sees the accused killer, her brother.

    She immediately leaves the diner and has a cab bring her to a crowded police station. She manages to avoid all of the reporters and police officers guarding the entrance to the station and gets inside. There, after nearly being dragged right back out, she uses her slight empathetic abilities to get the clerk to allow her to stay, to see her brother. Audrey proceeds to wait in the center area of the lobby.

  8. Proxie#0on 25 Aug 2013 at 11:43 am

    1.) Audrey Malone, in a police stations waiting area, begins a conversation Cassius Andrews, the person claiming to have been attacked by her brother. Audrey consoles him under the guise of a woman visiting her wrongly imprisoned love, hoping to glean some information about the soon to be case from him. As he stands to leave, she “trips“, scratching his arm to get some of “Cash’s” blood. After Cash leaves, Audrey gets more comfortable in her seat, positions herself, and consumes the blood sample. After a few moments, she falls asleep, and begins a Psychometric trip, allowing her to see the past 24 hours (roughly) of Cash’s memories.

  9. Proxie#0on 25 Aug 2013 at 11:43 am

    2.) Audrey is awoken mid-trip by Officer Ivan Geoffrey who informs her that her brother is out of interrogation, and can see her. After a semi-brief trip to the bathroom and a few minutes patching up her nose, Audrey has Ivan lead her through the station to the interrogation chamber as they converse, and he informs her of a short history of the town serial killer. Audrey dismisses Ivan when they arrive, and has a short conversation with Michael Malone’s lawyer (Cindy Clark) before she is forcefully dismissed, with Ivan’s help, as well. Audrey, when they are alone, begins a short conversation of niceties before starting to ask the difficult questions – Alibi, witnesses, location of crime, etc. She goes off of what her late husband had taught her, and ends up having more information than expected by the time Ivan returns. As they walk back through the building, Audrey asks Ivan if he knows any important info yet, more specifically about the possibility of bail. He responds with a laugh, and explains that the entire town believes that Michael is their serial killer, putting hope to rest.

  10. Proxie#0on 25 Aug 2013 at 11:44 am

    3.) Audrey leaves the station and breaks through the crowd, then puts on a parka as she walks down the street, towards the bus stop that she arrived at earlier that day. She ignores the strange looks she is getting from the crowd of reporters (that has noticeably diminished in size) and continues to wait there a few minutes, next to a reporter likely returning home to his family. He begins asking questions, a few of them strange and omniscient. She answers them as candidly as she can, and anticipates the arrival of the bus. As she stands to get on, the reporter grabs her arm and mutters something under his breath before letting go, allowing her to get on the bus.

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