Jul 24 2012

Stephan’s Review Forum

Published by at 1:25 am under Review Forums

Please see the comments below. Thanks.

12 responses so far

12 Responses to “Stephan’s Review Forum”

  1. stephanon 02 Aug 2012 at 9:05 pm

    Okay so this is still in the concept stages. I really havent decided if i will make it into a novel or a free weekly web comic. Kinda wanna do the web comic to showcase my art skills as well as storytelling and maybe gain a few fans.

    Anyway, heres a short intro to how my character, Arthur Bell, a Detective in Valentia City, MI, gets an opportunity to deal justice in a bigger way than he thought possible.

    Reports of a major disturbance on the intersection of Fifth and Pollick flood into the VCPD. Det. Bell arrives on scene and witnesses serious damage to the roads and a few bodies strewn about. He tends to some victims nearby – deceased. He then notices movement in a victim further down the street. He runs towards him and radios for paramedics. The victim slowly gets up and begins to flee, becoming suspect. Det. Bell follows the man into an alleyway where he spots him trying to hide in the trash bins, but to no avail. As Det. Bell identifies himself, the manwarns him to stay back, and go before its too late. Before he can ask what the problem is, the man’s flesh begins to tear and twist. A shadow appears, thick as the ocean, clouding Arthur Bell’s mind as the frail man who stood before him disintegrated into thin air. Det. Bell collapses, and wakes up days later in the hospital.

    Yes that is the origin story of how one Detective, who, with his partner Robert Cain, have been fruitlessly trying to clean their department and city of the strangely evil and grey events and people that befall it, is semi possessed by a weakened demon of the 8th circle of hell, Azmodeos.

    Arthur inherits extraordinary powers such as super senses, agility stamina etc and extremely heightened strength. Being able to jump maybe 30 feet in the air.
    He also inherited a dual personality, as the demon was too weak to completely overthrow his mind, he is trapped in Arthur’s head, often trying to muster enough strength to take full control. Arthur’s will is too strong he is too weak.

    Sometimes in battle, Azmodeos shines through when Arthur’s eyes cloud and he bears claws to consume the spirits of his otherworldy enemies, thus destroying one soul at a time that was meant to fuel the fires of hell.

    He takes the role of the guardian of Valentia City, donning a simple ski mask and collared jacket
    Being a cop, and a straight cop at that, he took to the hero role easily. Especially when he realized how bad the demon problem was and that it could not be ignored.

    this is just a bit of what i got so far. yeuhh

  2. stephanon 02 Aug 2012 at 9:10 pm

    i forgot to mention the reason the old man at the beginning disintegrates is because his is originally the body of a french courtier in 17th century france,and dark magic can only hold up for so long. Azmodeos really pushed the limits with this one as he had made a human life for himself and did not want to reestablish himself until necessary.

    Also, as Arthur saves his city, he has Azmodeos in his head trying to mess him up so he can take full control and get his full powers back.
    Azmodeos is slowly regaining strength as he hangs out in there, too.

    I think it can make for some cool stuff. I have a bunch of supporting characters and stuff i just gave you a taste of the STAR.


  3. stephanon 04 Aug 2012 at 4:01 am

    Im working on reasons for the demon’s presence on earth. How about this?

    In the Dark Ages, Hell ruled on earth, with Satan ruling below. He had a right hand man, who was his eye on earth. This demon, and his followers, wanted to take hell for themselves so they could do what they wanted in the land of the living. A war broke out when Satan’s second in command marched to the underworld. It ended in Satan being overpowered, only to use his last bit of power to imprison his attackers in the pits of hell. During the process, his once trusted confidante stripped him of his crown, and he locked himself out as well, also leaving the remaining demons on earth who did not fight in the initial battle. These demons continued their war to cause chaos and despair in the hearts of man, to undo the barriers that contain there brothers.
    Azmodeos was one of these children of fire left behind, who abandoned his quest of mindless chaos for human pleasures. He took part in evil deeds, but with a human identity. It is because of this that he pushes the limits of his possessive abilities and is weakened, destroying his original host body.

  4. stephanon 04 Aug 2012 at 3:09 pm

    Here are some additional characters that will appear.

    Det. Robert Cain. Arthur`s partner in the VCPD and the one who got him to the hospital after being possessed. He is honest and loyal to Arthur. He desperately wants to see his city change but he feels the evil just lingers like a bad smog (Azmodeos and the one demon who attacked him attract chaotic energy and force, causing this strangely criminal and corrupt society.) He admires Arthur`s courage and follows his lead when dealing with their tormenting superiors. He believes they can make a difference. He has a wife and two children.

    Angela Seders(Bell). Arthur`s sister. First reporter to positively write about Valentia city`s new hero. She knows many affluent,albeit, corrupt scumbags. Yet she knows the kind hearted ones as well. She lives in the city with her husband, Tom Seders, and her daughter Mary. Tom does not like the idea of the hero, and scolds Angela for praising him on the news. One of the first people to discover Arthur is the hero.

    Ghemly. The demon who attacked and severely injures Azmodeos at Fifth and Pollick. He is loyal to his otherworldly brethren and believes it his duty to destroy the deserters like Azmodeos. He has fully possessed and maintained the identity of Mark Pryor, who was a businessman. He seeks out Arthur to finish what he started and destroy Azmodeos.

    Lt. Francis London. Transferred from Detroit to Valentia City two months after Arthur`s Possession. He admires the hero and follows up on cases the hero has broken open, or suspects he has interacted with. He entrusts Det. Bell and Det. Cain with aiding in his activities.

    Megan Harding. Owner of the Grand Villa restaurant on Fifth street that was destroyed by Ghemly as he attacked Azmodeos. She is one of the first people Arthur tends to. After witnessing him carried of in a stretcher she began visiting him. She was there when he awoke and the two began meeting for coffee. They begin seeing each other, but Arthur`s strange bouts of what seem to be insanity causes major conflict in this relationship. It is Azmodeos in his head attempting to corrupt his mind.

  5. stephanon 05 Aug 2012 at 5:49 am

    I want to call this HELLGAME
    Stephan Brunet

  6. B. McKenzieon 05 Aug 2012 at 7:23 am

    “Yes that is the origin story of how one Detective, who, with his partner Robert Cain, have been fruitlessly trying to clean their department and city of the strangely evil and grey events and people that befall it, is semi possessed by a weakened demon of the 8th circle of hell, Azmodeos.” As far as one-sentence premises go, that is pretty strong.

    London and Cain sound sort of redundant–they’re both very supportive of the main character. At the very least, I’d recommend adding a bit of conflict for one of them.

    Azmodeos sounds like he could use more personality.

  7. stephanon 05 Aug 2012 at 8:30 am

    True that. Det. Cain should actually have problems with Arthur’s gung ho attitude.They should definitely butt heads because of this. Cain wants to do good by just being good and flying straight. Arthur is in a sense ruthless in his quest to destroy this evil. He could practically smell the evil of Valentia City
    -His mother died from lung cancer that he attributes to the greedy businessmen and city officials allowing an overgrowth of factories without proper environmental safety measures.
    -His father commits suicide because his and many other old age pensions are defrauded by the then mayor Glen Archibald. He does this as Arthur readies his home to move his father in so he can take care of him.
    -Lastly, Stacy, the woman he wished to marry,is hit by a stray bullet during an evening walk in the city.
    Arthur Bell knows something dark lives within his city and within the hearts of its people

  8. stephanon 05 Aug 2012 at 8:46 am

    Perhaps Lt London can be a supporter of the hero but does not actually trust Arthur, instead only trusting Det Cain. Gives opportunity for conflict between Arthur and Lt London, while still preserving the hero’s ally within the police department. Also gives opportunity for Det Cain to actually tail the hero sometimes. That would not be possible if he and Arthur investigated together.

    As a demon, Azmodeos is obviously an evil being. However, after possessing his first human upon his arrival on earth, he feels running around the planet causing disorganized chaos to form hell on earth wasn’t really his thing. Sure, he loves committing devilish deeds and destroying humans, but he got to live as a human, and grew to love it. For hundreds of years he scoured the world for things he could do. In the American West, he started the Outlaw Gang called the Reapers Society. As the years progressed he became a regular in the Michigan area, settling in Valentia City in the 1970s and reimagined the reapers society with the Reapers street gang. Organized crime was a natural calling for a demon with extraordinary abilities, so this is how he managed to live. His magic grew weaker the longer he held onto his host body. He did not want to start anew and lose control of his small empire by changing identities. In 2012, Ghemly, a demon searching for others like him that abandoned their original mission, finds him and gets close to destroying him. This is the fateful day Arthur Bell is overtaken by Azmodeos.
    In his weak state, Azmodeos does not gain full control of Arthur, also, Arthur does not receive all Azmodeos abilities. Azmodeos is bitter towards Arthur and wants to fully possess him as soon as he is strong enough, so he can start over,and finish Ghemly. He has dark humor, and as much as he attempts to foil Arthur;s attempts at saving the city, he is impressed with the humans successes. Being trapped in Arthur;s mind with him starts to have an impression on him and over the course of the series, Azmodeos begins to sympathize with Arthurs cause.

  9. stephanon 07 Aug 2012 at 3:12 pm

    thats his backstory…which will merely be sprinkled into the series.

  10. Dennison 12 Aug 2012 at 10:18 am

    Why does Arthur don the ski mask and use his powers in hiding? I’d like to know more about how Arthur balances his one life as a police detective and his other life as the host of Asmodeus.

  11. stephanon 13 Aug 2012 at 5:06 pm

    He wears the ski mask because he has family and friends. He is also one of a few who wishes to act in a city that seems bent on evil (Caused by the presence of 2 demons in the area.) Most people just allow it to happen while many embrace it. He wears it because he may have extraordinary powers, but not the full potential of a demon.
    (If Azmodeos was at full strength and had full control over arthur, he would be a great power. )

    Its the same reason any hero wears a mask, he just isnt goin out to sew one.

    As the story progresses, Azmodeos mentally attacks arthur causing great drama in his life. Lets just say that he starts as a police detective but may end up being laid off on leave or quitting. the police detective angle is mainly to establish that he has basic investigative and hand to hand combat.

  12. stephanon 17 Sep 2012 at 3:46 pm

    any thoughts?

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