So I’ve been stuck on this part of the novel for some time doing what is now my 23rd rewrite of this part. Cause i write it, then read it back and it sounds too one sided or reveals too much of what i need to be discovered later. it also comes across as sounding to blocky and not a smooth conversation between 2 people.
basics of this part.
the main character (Ehrich) has been in a coma for 2 years.(6month was a natural one and the next year and a half a chemically induced one by doctors for the military.) the cause of the original coma was the same thing that gave him his powers(a chemical bath) he was rushed to a normal hospital where he spend 4 month till the first incident of his powers manifested killing a nurse in the process.
after hearing of the incident General Decker Cain had him moved to a secret military hospital and his friends and family were told that he had finally died of his injuries.
for the next 2 months that did testing on him trying to figure out what made him the way he became. Ehrich finally wakes up and freaks out, that’s when that put him in the chemical coma.
then for the next year and a half they experiment on him trying to develop more people like him. when they exhaust all mean and need to have him awake to further testing is when he get woke up to start the interrogation part.
its all basic questions at first of like what do you remember kinda stuff but after that i start to get lost and the wording and such drift to not seem fluent like a real conversation reveling some more of his back story and stuff that happened when he was in a coma
Well, when you mention “interrogation,” to me it implies that they’re trying to pump him for information, but if he’s been kept in a coma for two years, then they will be limited on the amount of actual information that he can give them in a simple question/answer format. The most that they can do is get answers that relate to what he will remember about the accident and his past prior to it.
So when it comes to getting information out of him that relate to his new abilities and what he might or might not know or be able to do with them, I think you might have to change it up from a traditional interrogation somewhat.
Maybe the interrogator has some security footage of the accident that killed the nurse to show him. This could switch the investigation to some kind of a “reveal” session. At this point, the number and kind of questions that the original interrogator can ask are limited and the roles will switch somewhat because it’s the interrogator who has the information, not Ehrich.
“So I’ve been stuck on this part of the novel for some time doing what is now my 23rd rewrite of this part.” My first suggestion would be (unless you’ve finished a draft of the manuscript) put this scene down for now and keep pushing forward. Drafting the manuscript will give you a better idea of how to polish the scenes.
“It’s all basic questions at first, like “what do you remember?” sort of stuff, but after that I start to get lost and the wording and such drift to not seem fluent like a real conversation, revealing more of his backstory and what happened when he was in a coma.” Is the conversation urgent? Is there conflict? Does he have information they desperately need? Is he reluctant to share fully? Does he hold something back? Is either party (or both) at least somewhat suspicious of the other? Are his perspective and/or goals affected by the tremendous strain of suddenly developing superpowers and spending more than a year in a coma? Is his perspective or memory hazy and/or unreliable in any way? Is there something he wants which they are reluctant to give him? (For example, details about the incident where the nurse got killed? More autonomy/privacy? Communication with his family?) Is there something they want from him which he is reluctant to give? (Sensitive information**? Cooperation in some other way?) If there are any points of contention (and there probably are, given the nature in which he’s been kidnapped* and in which he got a nurse killed), how do they resolve them?
*He might not know that he’s been kidnapped at this point and that his family was falsely told of his death. However, I’m guessing that he’ll figure out that something is amiss if they won’t let him call his loved ones as soon as he gets up.
**For example, does he have any details on the incident that gave him superpowers? Could he offer any insight into how they might be able to duplicate this incident?
well here is a little bit of the back story of his.
Ehrich is the son of a small industrialist. he had a normal childhood with his mom, sister and “father” ( its in ” ” cause of a plot twist for later in the series). In high school he was an exceptional student graduating as Valedictorian. He had normal friends though but wasn’t the most popular kids (think Harry Osborn but not as rich).
He went off to college (NIU) and studied business. He also studied other fields in preparation for admission to MIT to study chemical engineering per the family business.
while at NIU he met his girlfriend which later becomes his fiancé. one pivotal scene here is they went out to the movies and as they were leaving the theater a guy bumps into ehrich spilling his drink all over him. they get into a shouting match and at one point the guy punches ehrich and knocks him to the ground. the guy starts to laugh at him, then something just snaps in ehrich’s head and he goes ballistic on the guy nearly beating him to death before his girlfriend is able to pull him off the guy. hes able to run away but from that point on it becomes clear that she was the only one that can calm him enough for him to gain control agian.
But time goes on and he graduates from MIT but not as Valedictorian or anything. He then takes control of the business (which at this point had shrunk down to 1/3 of what it was) but he was ambiguous and started rebuilding the company and regrowing it and in the span of 2-3 years after taking control he was in position for bid on D.O.D contracts.
He finally wins one to build a new cooling system for there super computers. after many trials and errors he finally thinks hes onto something, but then realizes hes been so focused on the project that he was too broke to finish it. knowing the D.O.D wouldn’t give him anymore money or time he looks to alternative means of financing. he contacts some people from the Russian mob and meets with them where they tell him they want there money payed in full at the agreed time or they would kill him and his family.so sure of himself he agrees and takes the money.
he completes the research and build this coolant tank used to lower the supercomputer into. on the day of the big D.O.D test the system is fired up and things seem to go well then disaster strikes the computer frys, and the whole thing is a failure.
the D.O.D pulls the contract completely bankrupting him. then the Russians come looking for him. they demand their money but he cant pay. so as like a poetic death they throw him to his death in his creation. but it doesn’t kill him exactly but instead just freeze-burns (think 2 face but with frostbite) him but also gives him his powers.
fast forward to 2 years later now the D.O.D has him and as of just after waking up, his memory isn’t clear he only remembers thing up to the failure of the test and nothing after it. thay start questioning him about how and why he was in the tanks, who pulled him out, what chemicals were in the tanks and at what considerations (under the giese of treating him but actually to make more of him)
without this part and knowing what was revealed and what is still hidden i cant write the rest of this.
but more or less i’m asking how to write a 2 person conversation by myself and have it feel like 2 different people talking
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