May 29 2012

Legolas Arrow’s Review Forum

Published by at 4:05 am under Review Forums

Legolas Arrow writes:

“It has happened before and it has happened again, when the worlds of the great gods and men collide. It happened first in Greece–the Greeks were the first men to inhabit the time zone in which gods and mortals were in a realm together. Eventually, they were separated.


Now, the connection has resurfaced again. The mortals were afraid to turn from their single god, but eventually accepted reality. But, with the gods came the monsters. Beasts from Tarturus rose once again, set loose by the gods of old, the Primordials and the Titans. The mortal men fight for thier lives using their new fancy technology and guns to slay these beasts in a never-ending war.


Of course, there are times as well when the gods come in closer contact with the mortal realm. There are times when a god may come, and have a child with a mortal. These Demi-Gods wielded aspects of godly power and mortal will. They are the ultimate anti-monster fighting force. The army realized this. At the age of eighteen, each year all those of age eighteen are drawn to their local military camps to serve for ten years against the monsters. After they went through the Demi-God trials to see if people were in fact of godly heritage.


These Demi-Gods are then sent to an advanced training camp. They are out-fitted with special issue armor crafted from god-metal, an alloy of incredible strength crafted by none other than Hephastus to be used by the Demi-Gods and to be especially effective in slaying monsters.


Target Audience: Preferably young adults. It may also appeal to fans of the Percy Jackson series.”

8 responses so far

8 Responses to “Legolas Arrow’s Review Forum”

  1. SilverWolfon 11 Jun 2012 at 11:12 pm

    I think that this sounds really promising. Like REALLY promising.
    I have a few pointers though:

    “The mortals were afraid to turn from their single god, but eventually accepted reality.”

    Maybe you shouldn’t ACTUALLY deny the existence of “God”, because most of your potential readers will, most likely, be Christians (or at least believe in only one god). So maybe say something along the lines of: when their collective consciences come together they create an ‘all’, or a ‘singular super being’, or like how Rick Riordan puts it in Percy Jackson:

    “ “Wait,” I told Chiron. “You’re telling me there’s such thing as God.”
    “Well, now,” Chiron said. “God – capital G, God. That’s a different matter altogether. We shan’t deal with the metaphysical.”
    “Metaphysical? But you were just talking about –“
    “Ah, gods, plural, as in, great beings that control the forces of nature and human endeavours: the immortal gods of Olympus. That’s a smaller matter.” “

    Something LIKE that, you don’t want to lose readers over trouble with religious beliefs, or “ripping off” PJLT (so use something LIKE the above not exactly).

    (Yeash, I say like WAY to many times in those last paragraphes.)

    Talking about Percy Jackson, yes you might get a lot of interest from PJLT fans but you could also cop a lot of grief from them to. You need to make sure that the plot is sooo different from PJLT, that it could almost be a different genre. If the story is too close to PJLT, it will just be accused of being a ‘Lightning Thief’ rip off. But if you tread carefully, you should be onto a winner!

    Try to make the main character completely opposite from Percy, different goals, different character traits, different background (going to a military camp might be too close to going to ‘Camp Halfblood’ [and don’t go near ANYTHING Poseidon-y], maybe it could be set around the time of WWII), give the MC different parents/friends/enemies, maybe even a different gender, etc…
    Hell, you could just make the MC a mortal, or the even the child of a demon/evil god (a titan or something. Actually on that note you make the TITANS the good guys a mortal with a god’s blessing), if the MC must have powers only give him/her the blessing of a god not the blood of one. That could create an interesting twist, HOW did the MC get the blessing? Maybe he saved Artemis from the clutches of some rising evil, or helped a child of Hera out of a trick situation. But for the love of the gods, don’t make it ANYTHING to do with Poseidon. Try not to even mention him in the book/s (ok, that might be going a bit far, but you get my drift?).

    The Roman gods were also a lot like the Greek ones, so you might want to play with that (and possibly look into some other religions/gods that could be a “match” for the Greek ones).

    Almost no one has done this type of thing, and I truly believe that, from what I have heard so far, this could be a best-seller.

    Just some food-for-thought: Why have the gods only shown up (since the Greeks/Romans/etc…) in recent times?

  2. legolosarrowon 12 Jun 2012 at 6:12 pm

    Thanks for the advice, SilverWolf. About the topic on all greek god’s minds forming into a single god, you just gave me an idea. Rather than the gods ‘Coming into contact with the mortal world’ it might just simply be a time when the gods have gotten much to angry with each other, tired of being so close to each other, and so on, and have finnnaly broekn out of the shell of a single all-powerful god.

    About staying away from Posiden, I acknolage that. I noted from the begining that a child of Posiden MC would be a MAJOR turn-off for potential readers, thinking it’s a rip-off of Percy Jackson(However, it would be a major turn-on for lawyers specializing in plagrisim cases…) But, anyways, I had it planned out like this-
    Each of the demi-gods are split into seperate suads, reffered to as ‘Litters’ each Litter consists of twelve demi-gods, one for each god. The litters train together, and in training learn each others streangths and weaknesses. After training they are put into three fireteams of four, lead by a squad leader. The squad leader of each of the three would be, firstsly, Athena, then Ares, and Zeus(Children of them, of course.) Athena’s child’s squad would consist of the kid of Hades, Dinonysus, and Artemis. Ares’s squad consists of the kids of Apollo,Demeter, and Aphrodite. Zeus’s kid would be commanding kids of Posiden, Hera, and Hermes. I plan to make the MC a child of either Dionysus,Hades, or Athena, minimizing any contact with Posiden. In fact, the kid of Posiden will probably only be mentioned three or four times, probably less.

    About the time period, I plan to make it slightly into the future. Im not talking iron-Man suits and Hover Boards into the future, but I’m thinking about IPhone 10 age.

    Also on the note about Military Camp being too much like Camp Half-Blood, I plan to spend very little time describing that because it would be too much like Camp Half Blood, and, for it to make sense to the readers, The demi-gods are born with natural streangth and battle fineese. So, most of thier time will be spent in post-battle, pre-battle, mid-battle, and a variety of bases across the world. Probably alot of God/Titan/Primordial dwellings as well.

    Anyways, major plot diffirences, of course, the above, and I will be trying to make Chronos and Gaea very, very minor antagonists. I actually am planning to play it out, so that The Primodials and Titans are being minipulated by The Gods themselves, in a cruel evil bet amongsts themselves to see which side would make it out.

    Also, about other religions, I was considering incorperating that too. The Roman gods I was thinking about calling those gods what began to happen as the gods began to lose thier individual will and grow weaker individually, and slowly become the all-body singular God.

    (I am terribly sorry for any and all spelling and or grammer mistakes found in the above reply. For some strange reason, my computer refuses to copy and paste at the moment, so I could not run it through Word for a spelling and grammer check.)

  3. aharrison 12 Jun 2012 at 6:27 pm

    I agree with Silverwolf. You don’t want to start off by potentially upsetting part of your audience over what’s not going to be central to your actual story. I’ve seen this issue (God v gods) dealt with in various places, and his suggestion is sound. I’ve also seen people explain it by assigning God to a higher order of concern whereas the the gods and goddesses are more lower order and deal directly with individual mortals in tangible ways. In other words, there’s only one God so He doesn’t play favorites, but gods and goddesses can and often do – they’re far more human, relatable and fallible that way.

    It sounds very interesting potentially.

  4. SilverWolfon 12 Jun 2012 at 11:53 pm

    Having God as a higher order sounds promising, as does legolosarrow’s idea.

    About the camps; just remember that your characters can’t spend the whole time in a fight, they have to grow and develop in other ways too. And every battle has to change the character/s in some way (NOT physically, mentally).
    I just remembered another story (ok, cartoon/TV show) about demigods; “Class of the Titans”. It used to be on TV ages ago, but it still might be useful for ideas and things to stay away from that have already been done. Don’t know if it would help, but you could try.

    I just had another thought; maybe Chronos could be like the old, kind father time that likes demigods, or something. I don’t know…. It just might be nice to not see Chronos as the scythe wilding baddie (a-la Percy Jackson or Class of the Titans)

  5. legolosarrowon 22 Jun 2012 at 6:00 pm

    I was thinking of making Chronos kind, but slightly insane. After all that time of watching clocks just ticking on, and on it finnaly got to him.

  6. SilverWolfon 22 Jun 2012 at 10:40 pm

    Just clarify ‘slightly insane’ as in;

    “I like these heroes, but they need more backbone….. Ooh, I know! Let’s help them by trapping them in (insert your favourite temple/mountain/labyrinth/etc… “OF DOOM” here), that will help teach them character!” *cue insane/manic laugh*


    “Of course I will help you on your Quest, You just need – OMG! FLYING PONEY! *cue insane/childish laughter*

  7. legolosarrowon 23 Jun 2012 at 6:12 am

    I mean “Yay! Flying Ponies!” insane.

  8. Linebylineon 24 Jun 2012 at 7:29 pm

    Aside from potentially offending people with the nature of your gods, I see another problem: Saying that “The mortals were afraid to turn from their single god, but eventually accepted reality” is just implausible. Atheists and theists have been trying for a long time to get each other to accept (what they see as) reality, and despite people on each side thinking they have evidence every bit as convincing as the gods coming down from Olympus, we still haven’t all gotten all of humanity on the same page.

    If avoiding making readers uncomfortable is a goal, I’d definitely go with making God a higher order outside the scope of the story over the idea of having the one God be a composite of the various gods working in unison. That is, “Let’s leave Him out of this” seems much less potentially upsetting/offensive than “Oh, that was us, pretending to be just one.”

    Finally, if this is a proposal you’re planning to send to a publisher, I recommend rewriting the first paragraph. It looks like you have one of those “It” beginnings, in which the writer plays coy for a while before revealing the premise. (Apparently this is supposed to build suspense, but it usually just makes the reader wish you’d get on with it.) I’m not saying that’s what you’re actually doing here, but I worry that publishers will read the first line, think you’re making a newbie mistake, and throw out your manuscript without reading further.

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