Feb 19 2012

Brandon’s Review Forum

Published by at 9:07 am under Review Forums

Brandon writes:

 

“Unlikely savior Bryan Deleon has discovered his true self and his powers at the young age of 13. Forced away to “Lost Angeles” by the king he raises himself until he is 18. The world is overrun by a murderous threat called the Dark Axis and there are only a select amount of individuals who can stop this plague and bring the world back to its regular state and not be entirely eaten up by the “dark sister” of Earth. Bryan and his friends must embark on a perilous journey in order to stop the world from being entirely consumed by Thrae.

 

Facing many new friends, enemies, and rivals Bryan is introduced to the real side of life, the one the media and the government, particularly the king; his father has hidden for countless years. This is the reality and it is scary, will this batch of heroes have what it takes to take back the world from tyranny or fall victim to the leech of a world.

 

Bryan is an introverted teen who lost his memory shortly after being banished by his own father. Now 18 years old, Bryan must re-discover himself and discover the harsh and overly brutal reality that life has its jagged edges and leaves deep scars. He can’t turn down his quest save if he wishes for the world to slowly implode within itself.

 

His friends are much more charismatic than him; Chase and Sarah bring out the best in him though. Through time he grows to be a very insightful and incredibly powerful catalyst who both leads a rebellion against his father’s kingdom and takes down a tyrant bent on sucking Earth dry of resources and teleporting them to Thrae.”

9 responses so far

9 Responses to “Brandon’s Review Forum”

  1. Brandon Infanteon 28 Feb 2012 at 6:19 pm

    I would like to know if this plot summary or plot in general seems convincing enough, if not, what could be fixed about it.

  2. B. McKenzieon 28 Feb 2012 at 6:30 pm

    When you’re writing a synopsis to publishers, I’d recommend focusing more on characterization and, in particular, any unusual decisions the characters make. What’s something that Bryan does that the protagonists of most other books wouldn’t do in the same situation?

    How are some of the friends, rivals and enemies different than the friends, rivals and enemies in other books?



    The summary above mentions that the character is introverted and that his friends are charismatic, but does not describe any situations in which those traits affect the plot (e.g. major decisions?).



    The setting is unclear to me. Are we looking at some sort of post-apocalyptic scenario? (“Lost Angeles” reminds me of Fallout).

  3. YoungAuthoron 28 Feb 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Who/what is Thrae??

  4. Brandon Infanteon 28 Feb 2012 at 7:16 pm

    @Young Author:Thrae happens to be Earths parallel, Earth was born off of a scientific experiment gone wrong in which they attempted to make a sister world for the excessive population that was crowding and corrupting Thrae but instead of taking only some of the energy and resources from Thrae it took nearly all of the energy and made Thrae extremely weak and its time was slowed EXTREMELY. Meaning a Year in Thrae meant the year 2020 on Earth.

    @B.Mckenzie: Lost Angeles= Fallout? I guess I have to change that, I never played or researched anything about fallout, I never really cared about it AT ALL so its pure coincidence.
    Yes, it is post apocalyptic, after 2012 in fact. The trick is that the Dark Axis came from Thrae and brought their extensive technology and saved many people but they couldn’t protect the world. The Dark Axis took advantage of the opportunity to gain the kings trust and made him sign a contract stating that he couldn’t hurt the Dark Axis, which is soon violated on both accounts.
    The Dark Axis figured they’d bring in several of the bombs that separated Thraes matter and turned it into earth. By doing the process on earth, they could regain Thrae to its full self. As for the population issue, Victor risked a quarter of the population and put them in earth during 2012 but didn’t save those people and some others who weren’t worth saving.

    Bryan- Hard decisions give him massive headaches that trigger his telekinesis making him prone to recklessness, over time though, he manages to sort of control his powers but still gets headaches which leave him exhausted after extensive use of his powers.

    Chase- Is extremely cocky which leads him to arrogance and ignorance. When he uses his Fire/Ice powers, his black eyes and hair turns to red and light blue respectively. He seems to be a bit eccentric to most people but don’t underestimate him, he will clobber you at will when hes focused. After using too much of his powers he can either get a scalding burn or mild frostbite. He also wield a spear.

    Sarah-A total hypocrite, and somewhat two faced, in a way she can be indecisive but she is constantly jovial and upbeat. Her indecisiveness leads to her not being prepared for life or death situations and causes many casualties in the story by not reacting as fast as she should have. She holds grudges with herself for that but Bryan eventually manages to console her. She happens to have quick reflexes naturally and wields sharp brass knuckles putting holes in her opponents quickly and having the ability heal herself when calm.

    Bryan gets Asia destroyed and drained due to being knocked out by one of his massive headaches.

  5. Brandon Infanteon 28 Feb 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Is that any better?

  6. Zoeyon 28 Feb 2012 at 8:23 pm

    I like the summary. It seems interesting. But I must note it seems a bit generic. An unlikely hero on a quest has been done quite a bit, though I wouldn’t say it’s cliche. The idea itself is cliche, yes, but it’s the original twists you add that make it your own. I’d like to hear about those original twists.

    I do like the bit about his memory loss. I think that adds a new element to the story. Could we hear more of that? How does his memory affect his behaviour and his decisions? I think if you play this angle right, it could make for a very interesting story line.

    You say he’s introverted, but not much else. Personally, in summaries I like to hear about the characters as well as the plot. What makes this character so unique? Why should we care about him? We know he’s introverted, but what are we supposed to take that. How does his introverted-ness affect him?

    I do think it is a rather intriguing story, and it has quite a bit of potential to be great, I would love for you to expand more on the originale and the characters. ^_^

    -zoey-

  7. Brandon Infanteon 28 Feb 2012 at 9:27 pm

    I love you guys so much already, thanks for helping me. Although, please note that I am 13 so I’m doing my best. Also, this summary was made a year ago :/ I didn’t want to make a whole new one JUST for this.
    Yes it is a little generic about the fact that hes “an unlikely hero” but the thing is, every hero is unlikely because who in the right mind just states “TODAY, IMA BE A HERO”. Yeah, I dont think thats how it goes.

    I chose the whole memory loss idea because since hes so introverted and not outgoing or particularly hard working he never bothered to know about his past but rather, live in his horrible present. He realizes his past only gets him in a worse situation. He meets the king at an event and he feels a certain voice in his head, along with various dreams that involve the King before meeting him. He decides to attend the event and seek out information about himself, information that only someone like the king could possibly have. Although, when he gets close enough to the king to ask him his questions he gets pushed back by the police due to direct orders from the king.

    Noah, his brother who is supposedly deceased, chases after him after seeing him in the event. Noah, knowing all about Bryan’s calling and prophetic fate as a catalyst explains everything to Bryan. Bryan rejects all information given to him and runs off thinking Noah is a rapist.(LOL)
    His memory loss causes him to have trust issues with most people due to the fact that he’s been fed so much false information about his life, even after Noah telling him the truth. He loses several priceless allies at the hand of his distrust and uncertainty. For example, Bryan is told by Cole that he wouldn’t be the cause of the world’s salvation, but rather its destruction, not knowing that Cole was trying to turn him against his resolve and aid the Dark Axis he comes close to killing Noah before he decides he doesnt need Noahs help anymore, neither do Sarah and Chase. He soon realizes that Noah wasn’t lying and that he once again needed Noahs help but when he went back to visit Noah, Noah was burnt and tortured. Bryan holds a grudge against himself for not being more reasonable and trusting and that the last words he told his brother were “I don’t need you.”

    His lack of trust leads to very good judgement at the end, when Victor and the King try to make a final attempt to turn Bryan into an ally but he doesn’t trust them for a single second, his exact words are: “I may not know how to trust and protect those dear to me, like Noah, but I know better than to trust conniving snakes like you!”

    I must say though, there is really original idea as a whole because everythings been done. But it’s as you said, it’s my own twists that makes it my own. I’ve fallen in love with this whole idea and plot. I will start working on my new synopsis. 🙂

  8. Brandon Infanteon 29 Feb 2012 at 9:56 pm

    Long ago, as Earth was originated, there was a group of royal beings called the ‘catalysts.’ The catalysts job was to maintain the Earth from being endangered or harmed in any way or form. 7 in all, they had children and it was stated that every ten generations a child from the line of catalyst would be born with the full potential of the catalyst and their other-worldly power. Although, there was one catalyst, the one who found out how to unlock the powers of the human mind to its full power and fifty generations later, his latest descendant was just like him, Bryan was the main catalyst, the final piece that could stop the eminent threat that would eventually face Earth.

    Against all the odds, Bryan Deleon is suddenly plunged into a prophetic fate and heavy responsibility that if not fulfilled could mean the end of mankind and the world in its whole. Bryan, who has inherited major trust issues due to being fed lies upon lies after having lost his memory and has turned himself inside-out with introversion must save the world with the help of himself and other catalysts. Bryan over the course of his rebellion and quest, grows into a very brave young man, not that he has any other choice.

    He must prevent the “dark sister” of Earth, Thrae from utterly sucking Earth into it’s self. The Dark Axis were thought as a group of people bent on corrupting the world more than it already was, no one thought that was even possible. The matter of the fact is, they themselves have come from Thrae to suck Earth’s material and life force and bring it back to a weak and dying Thrae. If they are not stopped, Earth will cease to exist and the Dark Axis will continue to have reign over whoever can make it to Thrae or even it’s own natives. For the sake of two worlds, Bryan, Sarah, and Chase must discover their true selves, traveling through time and space.

    As a mere thirteen year old, Bryan discovers his catalyst abilities, that includes having a shared power with all the catalyst to stop the prophetic tragedy to come. He is ordered to be killed by the King when he was just 13, a mere child. He is shocked and appalled by this decision and escapes with he help of two guards that knew of the prophecy and couldnt afford to let him die. Bryan flees to Los Angeles where the guards told him he would find solace. As he escaped he is chased down by the King’s 1000 man battalion manned with air support and ground soldiers. He manages to escape but not before being blown down by the last jet, he uses the last bit of energy to break his fall with telekinesis, the result is luckily not dying but he loses his memory.

    Bryans friends; Chase and Sarah find him stranded on the street unconscious and take him into Sarah’s house for the sake of “the boy angel.” Chase and Sarah, unlike Bryan are very upbeat people but have some nasty habits. Chase is a cocky hot-shot who despite his bluff is truly very strong, in a way, it works as an advantage before engaging in combat because it causes enemies to underestimate him. Sarah is indecisive and uncertain about how powerful she could be, but in reality, she’s much stronger than she thinks and she comes to notice it, but not before getting many people killed for her uncertainty.

    Will they have what it takes to overcome these flaws and tragedies in order to save themselves? And if not for themselves, for their world and the world of others.

  9. Brandon Infanteon 29 Feb 2012 at 9:57 pm

    ^ Regard that post, thats my new synopsis, how is it now?

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