Feb 01 2012

Dan Lee’s Review Forum

Published by at 2:00 pm under Review Forums

Please see the comments below.

31 responses so far

31 Responses to “Dan Lee’s Review Forum”

  1. Smallvilleon 15 Feb 2012 at 4:53 am

    well for my first problem, is im finding it really hard to make up and do an origin story for the superhero’s. Help please?

  2. Smallvilleon 15 Feb 2012 at 4:54 am

    any deas would be really grateful

  3. B. McKenzieon 15 Feb 2012 at 5:03 am

    What do you know about the characters and plot so far?

  4. Smallvilleon 15 Feb 2012 at 8:17 am

    well im not really thinking about the charcters just yet because i think my main problem is going to be the origins, i have started a few templates for charcter appearances and then i will move onto the personalities.

  5. Smallvilleon 15 Feb 2012 at 8:22 am

    i was hinking of a an origin story that involved someone playing on a games console and a realy weird EM storm is raging outside, then a bolt hits the house and goes through the console and straight into the person involved, when they wake up they have powers. What do you think?

  6. Smallvilleon 17 Feb 2012 at 2:40 pm

    off to the batcave to do some more charcter work and i have a powersuit take that one of the charcters could use, will give more in a couple of days. (will be able to give rough view of the powersuit tommorow hopefully.)

  7. Smallvilleon 18 Feb 2012 at 3:43 pm

    i think im going to go with my old idea just with a few changes, what do you think? i would like to do a group of 3 semi ordinary young adults who end up becoming hero’s (not superheroes), they end up meeting each other in a situation and form a bond and agree to group up for the good of the people, they realise that they form a very formidable team and work together more often so they begin the journey to become Superheroes. Now one of the group ends up slowly becoming an evil Supervillain and turns against his own friends and the people who care about him, the team then make the hard decision to bring down their friend and teammate. this is just a rough little idea of where i might want to go with this.

  8. Richard S.on 18 Feb 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Sounds like a good start, but be careful wi your idea. There are many takes on the ‘one guy goes evil so the other two take him down’ idea, the most recent I can think of is the upcoming film, Chronicle.It will be easier to give advice when we have more information on what the characters personalities and motives are.

    For the power suit, I do believe there is an article on this website that goes over the topic of power suits, which I would recommend you read. If I may ask, how advanced is this suit, and what makes it different from the other suits in fiction?

  9. Smallvilleon 18 Feb 2012 at 6:11 pm

    well the powersuit is quite different and a little like the good old Iron Man suit without all the billionaire tech (well, not really) i am trying to aim for a suit that is lightweight and not all super high tech, i will give you a clue it has something that involves a bullet proof and knife proof vest combined with the capabilities of 20x that of the vest turned into a full body carbon suit with 10x that of each vest combined with lightweight carbon and is lighter than anything in any police force or military in the world, will give you more info on my suit idea tommorow, was sick with the added bonus of a headache so ended up in bed most of the day in my room, only really became that functionable until like 6pm!
    What do you think so far?

  10. Smallvilleon 18 Feb 2012 at 6:13 pm

    oh yeah i saw that trailer like months ago and could’nt wait to see it, its out now so i will have to go. (Chronicle)

  11. Smallvilleon 19 Feb 2012 at 10:24 am

    ok, im going to start thinking about ideas for names. Any ideas or help welcome!
    i dont really have any solid names so im just going to give a few that i thought of there not the best though.

    Pulse
    Quickfire
    Gonzalez
    Porter
    Firestarter
    Subject 141
    Streeter
    Knightstorm
    Morning night or Knight
    The Green Division (The Green Division could be a group or part of an Organization easily)
    Bastion
    Steelford

  12. Richard S.on 19 Feb 2012 at 11:03 am

    The names are pretty good, I especially like the sound of Bastion and Firestarter. Two names I would revise would be Porter and Gonzalez, unless they are surnames of characters.

    This is somewhat of a coincidence, but in the story I am working on, one of the characters is called Division, and her suit colour is green 😛

  13. Smallvilleon 19 Feb 2012 at 1:27 pm

    WHA! lol

  14. Smallvilleon 19 Feb 2012 at 1:39 pm

    surnames are correct for both of the names and i was thinking (Speedy).
    you can guess where i got Bastion from, firestarter because i want to have a character that has fire based powers or a connection with fire as it is one of my favourite elements.
    That is a pretty good coincidence i was thinking of doing a large organization that is to do with colours, possibly. The Green Division was a part of that large group that are mainly made up of criminals and gangs.
    i will change it if you want me to do that because i dont want to be the same as your idea (if you know what i mean).
    How about Adam Porter and Enzario Gonzalez? any good anyone?

  15. Richard S.on 19 Feb 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Our ideas seem different enough (your division is a group of gangs, mine is a creepy catholic girl that multiplies) so the names should be ok.

    Adam and enzario are pretty good, but be careful with enzario, as some may find it hard to pronounce. What are their personalities like?

  16. Smallvilleon 19 Feb 2012 at 2:13 pm

    dont know yet could do something on all of them? i will see tomorow. what did you think about my battlesuit rough idea ( Just to metion that is not all of the suit. Its gonna be BAD ASS!)

  17. Smallvilleon 19 Feb 2012 at 2:21 pm

    lets just say im thinking Flamethrowers, Jetpacks, Advanced NV and clear glasses, Blades, Built in guns, Launcher, cutting edge lightweight metal and carbonfibre technology and loads of other cool features (also has hacking software and a not so good smoke dispenser)
    What do you think?

  18. Richard S.on 19 Feb 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Sounds awesome! As mentioned earlier, look at the article on this website about power suits if you haven’t already. It has a lot of information on how to develop and challenge characters with them. Just wondering, where would they get a suit like this from? Did they make it, buy it, steal it etc?

  19. Smallvilleon 19 Feb 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Made it to an extent stolen money made some of it though

  20. Smallvilleon 19 Feb 2012 at 2:30 pm

    the guys in it wil be around 16ish so he will be young tho one who makes it

  21. B. McKenzieon 20 Feb 2012 at 8:36 pm

    “lets just say im thinking Flamethrowers, Jetpacks, Advanced NV and clear glasses, Blades, Built in guns, Launcher, cutting edge lightweight metal and carbonfibre technology and loads of other cool features (also has hacking software and a not so good smoke dispenser)”–I think the guy in the suit matters a lot more (to readers and publishers) than the suit itself does. Interesting characters and a gripping plot will go farther with editors than superpower considerations will. (If the powers are forgettable but the characters are enthralling, it wouldn’t take a publisher much manpower to fix the powers. However, if the powers are enthralling but the characters are forgettable, it may take hundreds of hours to fix the characters).

  22. YoungAuthoron 20 Feb 2012 at 11:20 pm

    I agree with B. McKenzie, while you should describe the suit (make it unique) in detail, what will really matter to readers will be the character. Make them develop over the story from point a to point b.

  23. Smallvilleon 21 Feb 2012 at 1:09 pm

    ok, i can see what you are getting at, um do you guys have a look at some of the name ideas and give me some feedback please. Would be grateful. Well i am also going to look at all the origin articles work from the basics and try and build up to what the charcters are going to be about and what the storyline is going to be about (where i want it to go). Talk soon

  24. Smallvilleon 21 Feb 2012 at 1:10 pm

    does the suit sound ok at the min? be honest.

  25. Smallvilleon 27 Feb 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Write or Die

  26. B. McKenzieon 27 Feb 2012 at 5:23 pm

    “Does the suit sound okay at the minimum? Be honest.” If I were reviewing your submission and you spent substantially more than 10 words describing the suit in the synopsis, I’d be inclined to stop reading the submission unless the extra space was somehow crucial to understanding the plot or developing a character. It would suggest to me that the author and I were not nearly on the same page in terms of what makes a character and/or story interesting.



    In contrast, Bitter Seeds is a book where the superpowers would have deserved more explanation in the synopsis. Its protagonists got superpowers by negotiating with nefarious spirits that demand various blood sacrifices in exchange for supernatural power. One major conflict was between a protagonist that didn’t want to keep killing people to appease the spirits and a main character that was willing to do whatever it took to win the war. Under circumstances like those, it’d be hard to summarize the book WITHOUT covering some details about where the details came from.



    Based on what I understand so far of your story, I believe the details of the suit’s capabilities are probably not as important to understanding your story. One protagonist makes a powersuit. That’s very likely 90%+ of what we need to know about his superpowers in the synopsis.

    Likewise, in my own series, The Taxman Must Die, the only thing I need to cover in the synopsis about superpowers is that one of the main characters is an unpowered accountant and the other is a mutant alligator. Instead of spending sentences spelling out exactly what a mutant alligator’s powers entail or how he got mutated*, it’d be much more important for me to cover the characters’ personalities, key traits, motivations, unusual decisions, key conflicts, etc.

    *Unless this were critical to understanding the story. In TTMD, it’s not.

  27. Anonymouson 29 Feb 2012 at 4:10 pm

    any idea and help with some names that might be catchy or alias’s that could be usable

  28. Smallvilleon 29 Feb 2012 at 4:10 pm

  29. Smallvilleon 29 Feb 2012 at 4:12 pm

    The light was slowly seeping throught the shutters as the the sun set slowly in the distance, it was late afternoon when the events that transpired were set in motion. The firing squad was gearing up and about to head out for a 451 Codeword for ‘A Kill’, meanwhile blah blah was walking slowly and unthoughtfully about what may or may not have happened in the next precious few hours he had. That i had! it had begun at the same time blah blah was setting foot outside the door and they were on there way, he in a way knew something wasnt right, he always did have a talent for knowing things before they might happen. The darkest and most ominous of vans pulled up just behind the subjects house, it was on! blah blah hadnt even been able to open the front door to his apartment before he was dropping to the ground and then felt the havy butt of something on his skull, then he fadded out as the bagged and dragged him to the car, it was already finished, It was done!
    This is apossiple draft for a kinda prologue to the comic and they guy involved is a potential bad guy and turns into one as a majority of this incident.

  30. Smallvilleon 02 Mar 2012 at 3:12 pm

    i have an idea for a weakness connected to the main character (it is taken from the Kryptonite idea). One of his weakness is a rock and substance called Aggrevane and(or) AUvernite, i like the sound of Aggrevane.
    What do you think?

  31. Smallvilleon 30 Jun 2012 at 2:03 pm

    im going to still be very conspicuous, as i am still in the very big process of starting life far from my home at a boarding school, i havent been on for months because of this and i will be on little for a few more weeks as i am in, but still getting settled as it is new and strange getting used to being far from my family, Talk soon guys

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