May 16 2011

Aine’s Review Forum

Published by at 5:59 pm under Review Forums

Hey, I’m Aine and I’m writing a sci-fi superhero comic book series.

 

Issue One:
“Jumpstart Evolution”
Danny and Eli get powers from an explosion that releases mutagenic gass at the mall and become superheroes to help protect the helpless and determine the origins of the gas.

 

Issue Two:
“The Advent of Cool”
There’s a new hero on the scene but she’s way too skilled for someone who just got her powers last week. Besides, what could she be running from this early in her superhero career?

 

Issue Three:
“The Revolution will be Televised”
The famous “rockstar*” comes to Edgemont. The only thing worse than her music is the fact she can control people’s minds through her songs. And the concert will be broadcast world wide…
*Actually makes pop music with lots of guitar, but in the end it is still pop.** You can tell because the album reads Scarlett Day, not NameOfBandHere.
**Think Britney Spears music with extra guitar.

 

Target Audience includes teens and young adults of either gender (being a female comic reader I get greatly annoyed we get left out when writers and illustrators tailor their work to an all male audience (Hence Starfire and Madeleine Pryor’s costumes) yet at the same time I recognize we female comic readers are minority and need to keep the male audience in mind if we want to be successful). People who liked the Teen Titans, early Spider-Man, and X-Men will probably enjoy this.

 

Spare nothing- I want to know how to attain mass appeal while staying loyal to my premise. If I do something that will turn off prospective readers I want to be because I choose so since I’m stubborn and don’t want to change, not because I’m ignorant and don’t know it could benefit from being changed.”

10 responses so far

10 Responses to “Aine’s Review Forum”

  1. Mynaon 23 May 2011 at 6:19 pm

    I’ll comment on the first two issues for now! (Mostly ’cause I talk a lot about little things so reviewing all six right now would put a massive textblock on the forum, but I’ll do those in a bit.)

    I like your premise quite a bit, it sounds neat, but I think you might want to change up their origin story? Gas explosions, or any kind of mad science-like beginning (like accidentally injected yourself with psycho serum, or radioactivity, etc) is done a lot…I don’t know a lot about your mutagenic gas though so we will see. Perhaps not make it in a mall though–that would be EXTREMELY public, malls are usually packed so a lot of people would get powers, it would be all over the news and the main characters would have a lot of trouble keeping their identities secret.

    (Or if you did that a REALLY cool thing to do with it would be to have your super-characters, right, and then slowly have them find out there are other supers arising, but the gas affected them badly and it’s either slowly killing them or making them evil or something. I dunno, my brain’s working weird today.)

    The second issue is really intriguing! I like that one a lot and you could do a ton with it. Good luck with it so far, can’t wait to see the script pages. ^.^

  2. Mynaon 24 May 2011 at 5:16 pm

    Sorry, I meant to say three issues in my first post, not six. Rotten typos.

    Anyway, comments on the third issue:
    “The only thing worse than her music is the fact she can control people’s minds through her songs. And the concert will be broadcast world wide…”
    * Um, I love the idea (legit, it’s really cool)… but Danny Phantom did this already. :/ http://dannyphantom.wikia.com/wiki/Ember_McLain (TL;DR: Ember McLain was a ghost siren chick who attempted to take over the world with her hypnotic music.) In any case, it’s very similar to issue two, so you could probably cut the issue out without too much problem, or shake it up a bit (instead of an evil rockstar, maybe you take the girl from issue two and have her try to get rid of the other supers to save her position, or turns the townspeople against them, or something.)

    “Target Audience includes teens and young adults of either gender…”
    * I like this a lot! I agree, sometimes the comic book genre tends to leave out females, and while it may be difficult to make a comic that’ll appeal to both genders I think you can make it work. 🙂

  3. Aineon 25 May 2011 at 1:28 pm

    I’d hoped to know exactly when this forum went up so I could clairify a few things. Oops.

    The girl (Skylar “Advent” Suzanyuk) from issue two actually joins the team, I probably should have mentioned that. After that issue she is as big a part of the team as either of the other two. The original first issue was the one where she appears, but I felt their origin story deserved better than mini-flashbacks. Ironically, originally the other two were added to attract male readership, though by now they’ve become an integral part. I don’t know what I would do without them.

    I took some time to watch that episode (“Fanning the Flames”). The plots are entirely different. Danny stops her by getting people to stop chanting Ember’s name. That would do nothing to Scarlett. But I may want to reconsider it… I mostly just posted it to have more than two issues summarized. XD

  4. Aineon 25 May 2011 at 1:30 pm

    I could go back to my original idea and just have them be born mutants but then I’d miss out on all the fun with Pembroke, and have to come up with a new goal for The Foundation. I’ll type up what that means as soon as I get home since I have to catch the bus.

  5. Mynaon 25 May 2011 at 3:53 pm

    “I took some time to watch that episode (“Fanning the Flames”). The plots are entirely different. Danny stops her by getting people to stop chanting Ember’s name. That would do nothing to Scarlett…”
    * That’s all fine and well but, assuming your cast of heroes defeats this evil rockstar chick, no matter what the means the plots would still be extremely similar.

    “But I may want to reconsider it… I mostly just posted it to have more than two issues summarized. XD”
    * Lol that’s cool. xD Just shake up issue three a bit and you’re probably good. ^.^

  6. Aineon 26 May 2011 at 9:51 am

    First of all, THANK YOU FOR THE COMMENT(S)!!!

    I renamed Scarlett Ainsley (though now Anne is her real name, she chose Ainsley for the same reason I did, it sounds cool) but I’ll get back to her later since she is of no consequence at least until issue three. She isn’t evil, she’s just going about making the world a “better place” all wrong.

    The origin is also far more developed than I revealed- I hadn’t realized I put all the boring stuff up there.

    ORIGIN
    Pembroke Industries (led by Alan Pembroke) created M-452, the mutagenic “gas” in my comic that is actually a cloud of virus-like DNA editing nanites, as part of a military weapons project to create supersoldiers (volunteers of course). However mutations are unstable and unpredictable and possibly unnoticeable (only 60% of humans carry the allele that M-452’s editing would result in translation producing meta-human growth hormone, the other 40% experience no change). Superpowers are only possible when MHGH interacts with certain other enzymes produced through translation, resulting in the phenotypic variation one wouldn’t expect from a single “mutant” gene. The only exceptions I can think of are intelligence (I’d say Einstein and Da Vinci had super intelligence) and enhanced strength, reflexes, etc. which can be temporarily gained from drugs. Later MHGH will exist as a drug (Warp Drive) that temporarily grants superpowers, but the personality/brain altering side effects aren’t pleasant (paranoia and aggression among other typical drug side-effects).

    Anyway, there were a few dozen test subjects (volunteers) who successfully developed MHGH and thus superpowers. Most of the earlier ones are quite monstrous as PI hadn’t learned concentration counts, the more nanites the more genes will be edited.* One in the early nineties was cloned by Cadmus (a secret division of Argus Corp. Argus is a leading pharmaceutical and genetics company known for its revolutionary work on diabetes). The clone was altered to have enhanced strength, agility, and reflexes in addition to bone manipulation/projectiles and enhanced healing (the healing is necessary as when she shoots a bone from her arm, it cuts through her wrist and she’d otherwise die), as well as some minor appearance changes to differentiate her from her DNA “donor.” We know her as Advent/Skylar Sizanyuk.

    The Foundation also has an interest in M-452. Mostly made up of test subjects and others who were exposed to M-452, The Foundation is an enigmatic organization you rarely hear about outside the crazier conspiracy forums. This is largely because if you try to publicize their existence, they kill you. They steal a shipment of M-452 with the intent of releasing it in busy public places throughout the US (and later the world) to speed up the evolution of mankind. They also break Skylar and her “parents” out of Cadmus when Joyce and Jack reach out to them for help.

    *By at most the end of the week after exposure, every cell in the body has mutated DNA, either MHGH producing or not. This includes gametes. The allele for MHGH production is recessive so the only way for an evolved to have an evolved kid is to mate with either an evolved or a carrier. This means that they have to have been either a test subject or present when the gas was released.

  7. Aineon 26 May 2011 at 9:55 am

    I just realized other powers are available through genetic engineering. “Superpowers” that occur in nature (electricity and poison generation, enhanced strength, senses, agility, regenerative abilities etc.) can be engineered into a human embryo.

  8. Mynaon 26 May 2011 at 1:02 pm

    “Pembroke Industries (led by Alan Pembroke) created M-452, the mutagenic “gas” in my comic that is actually a cloud of virus-like DNA editing nanites, as part of a military weapons project to create supersoldiers (volunteers of course).”
    * I find it pretty interesting that they use volunteers. In most stories where this type of scientific organization exist, they don’t even bother to take the precaution, so it’s pretty refreshing. One question–when these supersoldiers find out how unstable and unpredictable the M-452 is, do they try to rebel, knowing that they could become monstrous/insane when they’re exposed to the gas too? Because even if they joined voluntarily, they probably signed a contract, one they can’t back out of now. Would they rebel, or would they stick with it, so dead-set on having powers they don’t care? It would be an interesting factor you could work into your origin story.

    * Just a quick note–you seem to have a LOT of backstory, which, although it’s definitely a good thing (a really good thing, actually), but when you introduce it, try to introduce it slowly. Either over time as the heroes figure out what’s going on, or in a series of flashbacks, or over two issues when you pull in the origin story. Spacing it out will keep from disorienting readers who might not be able to follow all these organizations, or the M-452, at once.

    “The Foundation also has an interest in M-452. Mostly made up of test subjects and others who were exposed to M-452, The Foundation is an enigmatic organization you rarely hear about outside the crazier conspiracy forums. This is largely because if you try to publicize their existence, they kill you.”
    * Hehe, I like this. Keeps everyone, even the heroes, from speaking out about or else they’ll get killed. xP

    “They steal a shipment of M-452 with the intent of releasing it in busy public places throughout the US (and later the world) to speed up the evolution of mankind. They also break Skylar and her “parents” out of Cadmus when Joyce and Jack reach out to them for help.”
    * Okay, them sending it into a huge mall makes a lot more sense now. However if you only plan on having two main heroes who take in the M-452 and get powers, putting it in a populated mall would still cause an issue. Question, does this mean Skylar is working with the guys trying to speed up the evolution of mankind/spread the gas everywhere?

  9. Gnomeon 14 Aug 2012 at 3:55 pm

    that sounds a ton like Static Shock.

  10. Ragged Boyon 14 Aug 2012 at 5:51 pm

    Hello, Aines.

    I read through the things you and other have posted and have some input of my own:

    – Since you plan on writing a comic book series I was wondering what would your premise for the initial story arc? I believe that when you submit your first script to a publisher they will want to know how you plan to introduce the character in a relatively succinct limited series. I’m guessing a story anywhere from 5 – 7 issues. Fortunately, I’m sure that you could fit your idea succinctly into the allotted amount of issues.

    “that sounds a ton like Static Shock.”

    – I’m going to partially agree with Gnome, here. The actual story itself sounds original enough, but there is a slight similarity with the origin of superpowers in Static Shock. That said, there are a few differences that I think help differentiate the new story.

    The motivation for The Foundation sounds much more insidious than that of S.T.A.R Labs from Static Shock.

    The fact that the origin story is an intentional occurrence is definitely an idea with a lot of potential.

    If done stylishly I’m sure the similarities in the origin stories would be easy to overcome.

    ” They steal a shipment of M-452 with the intent of releasing it in busy public places throughout the US (and later the world) to speed up the evolution of mankind.”

    I like this idea, but I feel like some of the implications may be a bit unclear. Would the Foundation want to incite a conflict among the populace that parallels a terrorist attack? That could inadvertently bring attention there way. Unless this is want they want. Conversely, why would they go with the aforementioned plan as opposed to something more covert like lacing national water supplies with the mutagen?

    – Personally, I don’t feel like your planned third issue provides much towards the overall development of the story or the protagonist. Although, I could easily be wrong. As of now I don’t see how a concert advanced the finding of the Foundation and it’s true motives. You could use it to develop Skylar and her friends, though.

    That said, I can’t wait to learn more about Skylar, her friends, and seeing how the story evolves.

    Let me know what you think?

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