Jan 26 2011
How to Write a Great First Line for Your Book
When you’re writing the first line of your story, try to accomplish at least one of the following:
1. Show us something interesting about a major character (ideally the lead protagonist).
- If you were going to give a gold medal to the least delightful person on Earth, you would have to give that medal to a person named Carmelita Spats, and if you didn’t give it to her, Carmelita Spats was the sort of person who would snatch it from your hands anyway. (Austere Academy).
- There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it. (Voyage of the Dawn Treader).
- I am a sick man… I am a spiteful man. (Notes from the Underground).
- Samuel Spade’s jaw was long and bony, his chin a jutting ‘v’ under the more flexible ‘v’ of his mouth. (Maltese Falcon).
2. Set something unusual and interesting in motion. YES: A drug-fueled trip across the desert or an execution by firing squad. NO: Waking up.
- They’re out there. Black boys in white suits up before me to commit sex acts in the hall and get it mopped up before I can catch them. (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest).
- The telephone was ringing wildly, but without result, since there was nobody in the room but the corpse. (War in Heaven).
- We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas).
- It was cold at 6:40 in the morning in Paris and seemed even colder when the man was executed by firing squad. (Day of the Jackal).
3. Establish the setting with a striking detail, ideally one that sets the mood.
- Behavioral Science, the FBI section that deals with serial murder, is on the bottom floor of the Academy building at Quantico, half-buried in the earth. (Silence of the Lambs).
- It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and I didn’t know what I was doing in New York. (The Bell Jar).
- The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel. (Neuromancer).
- You are not the kind of guy who would be at a place like this at this time of the morning. (Bright Lights, Big City).
- It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. (1984).
4. Introduce an unusual relationship for the main character (with other characters, himself, his surroundings, and/or the readers).
- All this happened, more or less. (Slaughterhouse-five).
- Mama died today. Or yesterday maybe, I don’t know. (The Stranger).
- The human race, to which so many of my readers belong, has been playing at children’s games from the beginning, and will probably do it till the end, which is a nuisance for the few people who grow up. (The Napoleon of Notting Hill).
- I am seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies. (Infinite Jest).
5. Introduce problems and/or conflicts.
- A screaming comes across the sky. (Gravity’s Rainbow).
- Of Herbert West, who was my friend in college and in after life, I can speak only with extreme terror. (Herbert West, Reanimator).
- Justice? – You get justice in the next world, in this world you have the law. (A Frolic of His Own).
- The terror, which would not end for another twenty-eight years–if it ever did end–began, so far as I can tell, with a boat made from a sheet of newspaper floating down a gutter swollen with rain. (IT).
6. Subvert expectations and/or set up eye-catching contrasts, like exploding grandmothers.
- High, high above the North Pole, on the first day of 1969, two professors of English Literature approached each other at a combined velocity of 1200 miles per hour. (Changing Places).
- It was the day my grandmother exploded. (Crow Road).
- Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy).
- One summer afternoon Mrs. Oedipa Maas came home from a Tupperware party whose hostess had put perhaps too much kirsch in the fondue to find that she, Oedipa, had been named executor, or she supposed executrix, of the estate of one Pierce Inverarity, a California real estate mogul who had once lost two million dollars in his spare time but still had assets numerous and tangled enough to make the job of sorting it all out more than honorary. (The Crying of Lot 49).
What are some of the best opening lines you’ve encountered?
I dunno about best opening lines, but I’ve got dibs on a drug-fueled firing squad.
Clearly, the best opening would be a drug-fueled firing squad deep underneath the FBI academy giving out awards to the least delightful people on Earth. (Erm, well, I guess firing squads DO give out awards to the least delightful people on Earth, but a different kind of award).
“The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.” (Neuromancer by William Gibson)
Ah, thanks, I’ve added it to the list.
Great, now I want to read every one of these books
I think the best opening lines are hooks to the book. Indeed, the opening line of The Bell Jar is pretty much the only thing I can say nice things about.
PS: David, I find your website’s “Contacting Kadavy” section dangerously funny.
Highly-regarded opening lines I find unimpressive:
“Call me Ishmael.” (Moby Dick). The American Book Review ranked this as the best opening line ever. PS: When I encounter a story with a first line of “Call me [name]” or “My name is [X], but you can call me [Y],” I usually stop reading unless there’s something strikingly interesting about the names.
“I am an invisible man.” (Invisible Man).
“In a sense, I am Jacob Horner.” (The End of the Road).
“Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.” (David Copperfield).
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.” (Tale of Two Cities, whose publisher not surprisingly paid by the world).
“Once when I was six years old I saw a magnificent picture in a book about the jungle called True Stories.” (The Little Prince).
Such a chasm between the good and the bad.
I just went through the last several decent books I read, and none had a killer opening line compared to some of the good ones you’ve listed here. It seems like a great hook opportunity missed, though perhaps not absolutely essential.
I love how this line begins grand in scope, but then narrows down to such precise detail:
“The terror, which would not end for another twenty-eight years–if it ever did end–began, so far as I can tell, with a boat made from a sheet of newspaper floating down a gutter swollen with rain.”
- IT by Stephen King
I don’t think an excellent opening line is essential, but I think it helps, especially for a first-time author buried in the slush pile.
I’m rather fond of the first line of 1984: “It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.” That the clocks were striking thirteen is unusual and jarring, and because thirteen is considered an unlucky number, it gives the sentence and even more ominous tone.
My favorite first line, though, is from Poe’s short story, “A Cask of Amontillado” — “The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge.” It certainly raises questions: what were these injuries? What was the insult? Yet those questions are never answered, and when you realize that the narrator is a madman, you have to wonder if Fortunato actually inflicted any injuries or insult upon him at all.
[...] Some tips about writing excellent opening lines [...]
What would be a good and interesting opening line of a girl starting a new school, as her family have moved away to get away from the grief of another dead family member?
Nothing comes to mind for favourite opening lines of published works.
However, I’m rather fond of this line that I wrote myself:
“So my best friend gets stolen by fairies, I’m trapped in an alternate universe and worst of all, everything we say and do is being broadcast on television for the entire multi-verse to see. (Well except Earth. They still don’t have intergalactic cable, much less trans-dimensional.)”
@Alex.
It really depends on the mood and tone of the story and what you’re trying to emphasize. Is the beginning of the story focused on the girl starting school? The family moving? The grief from the death of another family member?
“The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.” (DT1: The Gunslinger, S. King)
“A mile above Oz, the Witch balanced on the wind’s forward edge, as if she were a green fleck of the land itself, flung up and sent wheeling away by the turbulent air.” (Wicked, G. Maguire)
I am writing a story and I wanted your opinion of the Title and the first line.
I am vacillating back and forth between calling the story “The Idiot’s Guide to Dragonslaying”, or “Dragonslayers Anonymous”.
The first chapter is called “All Things Considered, Spitting in a Dragon’s Eye is Probably a Bad Idea.” (Too wordy?)
This is the first line: “When a dragon explodes in your face, splattering blood and guts and bits of brain all over your new suede leather leggings and boots, staining them horribly (and leaving a stench that will never wash out), it is pretty much a sure sign that you’re having a bad day.”
What do you think?
I think Dragonslayers Anonymous is very interesting. It gives the genre and an interesting twist on the genre in just two words. The Idiot’s Guide to Dragonslaying makes it sound like one of those how-to books (and, legally speaking, the people that write those how-to books may own the rights to The Idiot’s Guide to _____–so, if you submit a story with that title and it’s otherwise publishable, a publisher might pick it up but ask you to change the title later. Not a huge deal).
“All Things Considered, Spitting in a Dragon’s Eye is Probably a Bad Idea” strikes me as a bit wordy. I don’t think 13 words is necessarily too much, just that “All Things Considered” is probably unnecessary and can be removed. If you’re going for a self-help feel, you could go for something like “Three Reasons Spitting in a Dragon’s Eye Is Probably a Bad Idea.” By the way, on a really nitpicky note, “Is” is often capitalized in titles because it’s a verb.
“When a dragon explodes in your face, splattering blood and guts and bits of brain all over your new suede leather leggings and boots, staining them horribly (and leaving a stench that will never wash out), it is pretty much a sure sign that you’re having a bad day.” I feel this is a mostly effective opening sentence–good job! One suggestion I have is to make the third clause (“staining them horribly (and leaving a stench that will never wash out),”) a bit less awkward. I’d recommend rephrasing the sentence as something like “When a dragon explodes in your face, splattering blood and guts and bits of brain all over your new suede leather leggings and leaving a stench that will never wash out of your boots, it is pretty much guaranteed that you’re having a bad day.”
Thanks!
I like that this article has clear examples from published books, it helps me understand the information more clearly.
One of my favourite openings is a paragraph from a book by Sarah Cross, called Dull Boy;
“Maybe I need a costume.
Trust me–I don’t want to wear a costume.
Skintight spandex isn’t really my thing,and the ski-mask-plus-bathing-suit combo didn’t exactly inspire confidence when I tried it on (please forget I even mentioned that), and where am I supposed to find a leather jumpsuit? But the point is I have to consider all my options.
And before you start thinking that I’m a complete freak, I should probably admit something:
I have superpowers.”
There are probably plenty other better opening lines, but that was the first good one that popped into my head. XD
How does, “Well, kicking the king of this planet in the balls was either the best or worst idea I have ever had.” sound?
This is the first line of a book I haven’t completely ploted out yet.
Imagine this: you have just gotten off of a particularly gruesome day at school, gone to the local MiniMart for a sandwich, and you are now walking home to work on your AP Physics homework, when suddenly, and without warning, you are hit by a car.”
Strikis, some thoughts and suggestions…
–I’m not feeling the second-person narration here. I think the reader needs to really care about the character for 2PN to work.
–”suddenly, and without warning” is redundant. I think you could cut both because “you are hit by a car” comes out of nowhere, so it’s sudden and without warning even if you haven’t explicitly told us that.
–We don’t learn anything particularly interesting about the main character. He/she likes sandwiches–I think that could be cut. He/she is good at high school physics. It might be possible to incorporate physics into the setup of the car accident. Details would probably help make this story and character come alive. Instead of just claiming that it’s been a “particularly gruesome day at school,” it might be more memorable if you give us at least a few words about what made it so gruesome.
Well the school and sandwich thing aren’t really important to the story, they are just there to give you a feel for the character. And the two point narration is just for the reader to imagine how they would feel in that situation, it’s really just meant to hook the reader, the entire book is going to be done in first person. And I just liked how the “suddenly, and without warning sounded” but I do see your point about it being redundant. But here is a new version.
Imagine this: you have just ended a particularly gruesome day at school — even though it wasn’t your fault that the fireworks actually went off — you have just gotten a bite to eat, and you are now walking home to work on your AP History homework, when suddenly you are hit by a car.
“…you just ended a particularly gruesome day at school — even though it wasn’t your fault that the fireworks actually went off…” I like this much better. I love the use of implication here.
–The second-person narration here still feels a bit awkward to me. If you are deep enough into this project that you should be spending a lot of time rewriting this scene, I’d recommend asking your beta reviewers what they think. (If you’re not that far along, the scene is fine for now and I would suggest forging ahead with new material. I’d recommend finishing the first draft of the manuscript before doing any heavy rewriting).
–”you have just gotten a bite to eat”–could you revise this to show something interesting and/or notable about the character? For example, maybe there’s something this character does at the sandwich place or while eating that helps develop the main character vs. 90%+ of other protagonists. 100% of protagonists eat, so just mentioning that this character eats doesn’t do very much to separate him/her.
–”and you are now walking home to work on your AP History homework, when suddenly you are hit by a car.” Possible rephrase: “and you were walking home to work on your [more specific/interesting phrase--help build some impression]* when the car hit.” I like the contrast between playing with fireworks at school and doing advanced coursework, but I feel the coursework would be more interesting if we saw something specific.
*If this detail doesn’t help develop the character in an interesting way, then I would recommend then I would recommend shortening the phrase from “walking home to work on your AP History homework…” to “walking home…”
“It was a freezing summer morning and the blood red sky was quickly being veiled by a blanket of storm clouds, a perfect day for the world to end. ”
Just wanted experienced opinions on my opening line and its flow. Is it too wordy, or have too many adjectives? Also, am I grammatically allowed to add that last clause?
“Is it too wordy, or have too many adjectives?” I think that’s a good catch on the adjectives. I’d recommend showing more with actions and telling less with adjectives. For example, you might be able to create a more effective emotional impression by having something freezing (or perhaps animals shuddering in the cold) than by telling us it’s freezing cold.
“the blood red sky was quickly being veiled by a blanket of storm clouds…” I’d like more sinister terms here than “veiled” and “blanket.” What do you think about something like “the crimson sky was quickly smothered by [sinister modifier] clouds” (or rephrasing this phrase more actively, like “[sinister modifier] clouds quickly smothered the crimson sky”)?
“It was a perfect day for the world to end.” First, I’d recommend moving this thought into its own sentence. Second, would it be possible to get a character or narrator more distinctly into this sentence?* Who is it telling us this is the perfect day for the world to end? (*For example, if the main character is the narrator, could he/she phrase this more unusually so that we get a feel for his/her voice?)
“Am I grammatically allowed to add that last clause?” Right now, it feels like a run-on sentence and maybe a case of a misplaced modifier (“quickly being veiled by a blanket of storm clouds, a perfect day for the world to end” suggests that the blanket of storm clouds is the perfect day for the world to end).