Dec 16 2010

Awale’s Review Forum

Published by at 7:39 pm under Review Forums

Hawk was abandoned by his parents as an infant, they gave him a way to a random wanderer. You see, his parents were the heads of the Ordanos clan, the world of “Battle” (comic’s name) is ruled by clans or tribes as you might call them. Each Clan earned it’s right to leadership due to being adept at life-force sorcery, a special magic that involves using one’s life-force.

Most infants in a clan are born with good genes and are quite adept at manifesting their life-force energy, it’s like talking or walking to them. However Hawk was a unique case, he lacked the natural ability and talent that most nobility were born with and he was born with a weak bone structure. His parents ashamed of having such a low class child, gave him away.

Hawk revisited his hometown or at least the territory his clan use to own at the age of fifteen, after having traveled the world with the wanderer, he mastered several fighting styles and became an adept street fighter as well. He wanted to make a name for himself in order to be acknowledged, he didn’t know who his parents were but simply knew that they abandoned him, a fact that made him sort of aggressive, since he wanted to prove his strength.

He eventually encountered two lieutenants of the current leader of his hometown of Power City, the new leaders weren’t a clan but a gang by the name of The Olympians, with their leader calling himself Zeus. Hawk got all high and mighty and decided to fight them however since he wasn’t a life-force sorcerer and they were, they crushed him. This defeat led him to ask the wanderer if he could learn life-force sorcery from him.The wanderer was a powerful sorcerer and told Hawk it would be a difficult journey especially for someone with his weak skills but he was determined.

He now comes back to Power city after six years, now being twenty one and he wishes to face Zeus and free the city, another goal of his is to beat Zeus in order to prove his power. As they fight he learns that him and Zeus are twin brothers and that Zeus killed their parents and took over with a gang to break the cycle of clans and eventually take over the world.

3 responses so far

3 Responses to “Awale’s Review Forum”

  1. B. Macon 25 Dec 2010 at 11:01 am

    Hmm. I like the ideas here, but the gang taking on a Greek-mythological theme may feel out of place in a science-fiction (?) story that’s set on another world.

    Other than that, this feels promising, I think. One aspect that I feel could have more potential would be something about the main character that’ll stand out in a good way. Also, I’d recommend giving him a flaw (in addition to being born weaker) that he’s responsible for, rather than just something he’s born with. (For example, a trait that leads to him making mistakes).

    “Clan” vs. “tribe”: I think “tribe” has a slightly pejorative connotation of backwardness. “Clan” sounds less backwards but usually connotes unhealthy insularity, which might be fitting here, if the powers matter so much that the parents were willing to give a child away that wouldn’t have them.

  2. B. Macon 25 Dec 2010 at 12:35 pm

    If you’re going for professional publication, I’d recommend leading with a one-shot. If the publisher likes how the one-shot turns out, then you can ask your editor to let you do a longer series.

    Alternately, you could just pitch it as a 5-6 issue series, but the proposal would have to be pretty incredible.

    Making a one-shot work: I think it comes down to the character. If he really stands out, I think we’ll want more of the story. So far, we know more about what’s NOT there about the character than what is. He’s NOT as powerful as his siblings, he’s NOT accepted by his family. Okay, but what is he? (For example, what does this character do outside of combat and training?)

    As for the plot of the one-shot, I think one possibility would be showing what leads him to meet the sorcerer, begin training, and then win accomplish some goal at the end (preferably with a battle if this is mainly an action series).

  3. B. Macon 25 Dec 2010 at 5:43 pm

    Would you actually gain something by having him trained by two separate characters? I think it’d be possible but you’d probably have to work harder to differentiate them.

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