Mar 15 2010

Jake’s Review Forum

Published by at 11:01 am under Review Forums

I’m writing a superhero novel that will be more emotional than action, so it’ll be more of a drama.

Here is an origin I am trying to use for the super-human community.  The meteor that destroyed the dinosaur population gave off some strange gas that tainted several primitive humans and eventually formed a second race, identified and named in the 1960s as Homo Super by Dr. Abson. Homo Super or Superhumans as they are now called have all become carriers of the A-Gene. The A-Gene is the gene that is what carries the persons’ super-powers, which have since then varied extremely widely.  Super-humans vary differently with their powers and level of strength. This means that some are far stronger than others.

9 responses so far

9 Responses to “Jake’s Review Forum”

  1. Jakeon 22 Mar 2010 at 12:00 pm

    I have trouble naming a large cast of characters (bare in mind that several of these are only in the story for a couple pages. Or referenced too. So this means that it will not be overcrowded with main characters.) Here’s a list of the heroes I have:

    The Heroics (One of the most famous teams in America.)

    Blue Sentry: Main character with very similar powers to Superman. But, they are down-scaled. He cannot fly as fast and he is not as strong. However, he can lift at least ten tons, very durable, and he can fly nearly up to 100 MPH.

    Dr. A: Super intelligent, has super-strength and very durable. His name is simple, but it is very effective to the plot. So I think I will stick with this one…

    Prefectess: A girl with super-speed and an intense training regime. She is very tough and likes to prefect the art of fighting crime. I think this is ok…but I think she could use a better name.

    Quickstrike: An ex-marine with a super-reaction speed and he’s an excellent marksman. He also has minor super-strength, meaning he can handle the recoil of two assault rifles while firing simultaneously. I don’t really like this name, but I couldn’t think of a better one .

    Freedom: I don’t really like it because it’s bland. But, here’s a description of his powers: super-strength and agility.

    Shadowess: She is a seductrive crime-fighter who has the ability to perfectly blend in with darkness. Her whole body turns into a darkened camoflage and she also has super-agility.

    The Mark: A hero with the ability to super-charge his hands to fire laser-beams. Named so because he likes to mark the criminals he catches.

    Savior: A hero with super-agility and minor super-strength. Named so because he thinks he’s a savior to the world. Highly militaristic character.

    Hood: Has the ability to teleport, also has super-strength. Named so, because he grew up in the hood and he always wears a black hood to conceal his identity.

    Liberty’s Flame: Very patriotic hero with the ability to shoot flames from his hands.

    Mr. Black: A very secretive super-hero who has the ability fade through walls. He also has invisibility.

    American Elite (The government sponsored team of the United States. All members are highly trained and used alongside the military.)

    War-Hero: An ex-marine with super-strength and agility. Also has a tactical mindset which is off the charts.

    Invicible: super-hero who is super-strong and nearly invincible. Suffers from slow reaction times.

    Striker: super-hero with the ability to teleport.

    Blue Patriot: super-hero with the ability to create objects out of energy. He can also fire blue energy beams from his hands or eyes.

    American Man: super-hero with the ability fly at near top speeds. Also has super-strength and durability.

    Super Villains

    Madness: super-villain with super-strength and the ability to fly.

    Minute Frenzy: notorious villain whose powers are extremely brutal, but for every ten minutes, he must use a minute to recharge. He has super strength, agility, and he manifests extremely sharp claws.

    Probably other minor ones, but I haven’t thought of any yet. I also have personality quirks thought out and such, but I will probably post them later.

  2. Jakeon 22 Mar 2010 at 12:01 pm

    The over-all story

    Due to the extreme and wondrous powers given to many primitive humans during the extinction of the dinosaurs a second human-race was formed. Known as Homo Super or super-humans, these beings possess geat powers that vary greatly from individual to individual. Although there are many scattered tales of these beings using there powers for the betterment of humanity it only starting occuring in force during the 1930s. (some examples of these characters in history would be Hercules, Ghengis Khan, and perhaps Jesus depending on what the character thinks in the book…)

    It was in the 1930s that super-heroes began popping up, people dressed in ridiculous costumes going out to fight gangsters and thugs. This predominantly happened in America where numerous super-humans existed in force. (This is now the predominant spot of the super-human community) Eventually more and more super-heroes began popping up in such great numbers that they had an impact on nearly every major event in history. World War II, Korea, and even Vietnam all saw some semblance of super-human combat.

    But, not all of these people would be super-heroes. Some would turn there backs on humanity and use there powers to further wealth and power. These would soon become known as super-villains, which were severely dangerous to civillians and police forces across the country. Despite the trail of destruction super-humans have left in there wake, they have managed to prosper into the 21st Century under watch by the Super Relation Burea. It is under the SRB that super-humans have become to work together with the government, although this policy has yet to be enforced. Most governments around the world work closely with super-heroes to help them take down the inevitable super-villain.

    Now, let’s get into the main character. Bill Preston, a local policeman of New York City, is suddenly given super-powers as his A-Gene manifests. With these great powers comes a great job, meaning he is suddenly thrown into the world of Super-Humans. Using his magnificent powers of super-strength and flight he stops the bank robbing super-villain known as Minute Frenzy. (couldn’t think of a better name) Putting the notorious villain in jail gains him both fame and popularity, however in the battle he is unmasked, revealing his identity. To get out of the public eye he retreats to West Virginia where he stays isolated from humanity, until he sees a disaster or super-villain battle.

    Unknown to him the Super Relations Burea are tracking him down due to the sheer amount of power he wields. (reckoned to be one of the strongest super-humans in America) Eventually SRB soldiers and super-heroes from the government team the American Elite track him down to his log cabin and offer him a proposition. They offer him millions of dollars to fight for America on there team. However, knowing very well that he would only be shipped off to some country and used as a soldier, Bill refuses which results in a battle with the American Elite. Several soldiers are killed and the leader (War-Hero) of the American Elite is crippled.

    Angered by this Secretary Merdin (leader of the SRB) orders Bill to join them or he will return with more soldiers to bring him down. Giving him only a day to make up his mind, he departs, leaving a small army to surround the woods so he cannot escape. Dr. A infiltrates through the small army and gets to Bill’s home where he offers him aid. Dr. A secretly had cameras all over Bill’s house due to security issues and him fearing a super-hero much stronger than anyone on his team. (The Heroics, a team that Dr. A leads.) Notably the cameras recorded the SRB and American Elite threatening and attacking him, which means he can blackmail them into leaving Bill alone.

    However, Dr. A recquires that Bill returns to New York City and joins the Heroics. This is where he and the Heroics will eventually encounter a menace the likes of which they will never have known. Secrets are revealed and the novel gets darker and darker with every turn. (I would reveal more, but I haven’t really thought it out and I doubt many of you wish to read a full plot )

  3. B. Macon 22 Mar 2010 at 2:41 pm

    Here are a few thoughts.

    –I would recommend going back to the drawing board on Invincible’s name. Invincible is already the name of one of Image’s more popular characters.

    –More on the personalities, relationships and conflicts would probably help. I think I have a pretty good sense of Bill, but the other characters could use work. (I’d like to know what kind of cop Bill is, though).

    –To the extent that I can read Dr. A, it sounds like he mistrusts and fears Bill (understandably, I think). Why does Bill go with him?

    –What’s the relationship between the SRB and the American Elite?

    –What’s the relationship between the SRB and the Heroics? It sounds like the Heroics operate openly in New York City. If the SRB & AE felt free to threaten Bill to get him on their side, what sort of things do they do to the Heroics? (Or, if they do nothing, why not?)

  4. Jakeon 22 Mar 2010 at 3:54 pm

    -Yeah. I’ll go back to Invincibles name.

    -I’m working on there personalities and relationships.

    -Yes. I plan on having Dr. A to be a paranoid genius. I’d like to think that Bill would go with him due to the fact he fears the government. (Well, they could easily make him dissapear in the backwoods of West Virginia. He can’t take all of them on…)

    -The SRB and American Elite would be close, both being government funded. I would like to imagine that they work together in some ways (IE the AE help the SRB when they have to)

    -Well, the Heroics are one of the most influential teams in the Super-Human Community and yes the majority of super-humans in America operate openly. Basically, Dr. A has incriminating evidence against the SRA and American Elite that they assaulted and threatened Bill in his own home. (Not really scary to the big bad government, but they would quickly degrade in the public eye, which I doubt the SRA wants that happening.) The reason the SRA or American Elite do not want to mess with the Heroics is the fact that Heroics have so much influence in the super-human community. Such an attack would likely unite all the super-humans in America against the SRA and it would culminate in war. (which is a future novel idea hahaha, but that’s another story….) So basically they don’t go full in on the Heroics, because they are scared of the results from both the public and super-human community it would bring.

    Dr. A: His personality would be very paranoid. IE he’s one of the most brilliant men in the world, but he’s socially awkward. He is so smart that he often forgets little things in life and rarely gets jokes or other forms of entertainment. Basically, he is a guy focussed only on work and keeping the world safe. He is constantly taking in variables that could change his plans which are keeping the world safe. Dr. A thinks out everything to the letter and all the probabilities, before he commits himself to it. Which makes him both an excellent, but slow leader.

    Blue Sentry/Bill: I haven’t given him much thought, but he’s meant to be sort of an everyman, however mental health will severely decline during the novel. As for the sort of cop he was I didn’t really delve into it. But, we can assume he was just a regular cop, not a sergeant. But, he has a well known record of service. IE he has seen action.

  5. Lighting Manon 22 Mar 2010 at 4:03 pm

    I definitely agree about Invincible being a problematic name, but Hood is actively being used by Marvel Comics on a regular basis as a popular supervillain that has been featured in the last three crossovers in rather large parts. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hood_(comics) It also seems like it has the potential to be a bit racist, particularly if he is a black character.

    Another name, although not due to copyright issues that I find problematic is The Mark, it has a few connotations that I think are most likely not intended. Targets of confidence jobs (con jobs) petty thieves, not so petty thieves, assassins and other hoodlum types are often referred to as “marks” by said criminal types, and it kind of sets the character up to be a fool, which I don’t think is intended.

    I think more varied powersets would be beneficial, although ultimately, powers are mostly unimportant in the grand scheme of things, particularly for novels. However, of the characters listed, I counted nine of them that have some form of superstrength, you seem to be setting up some potentially very plain and basic fight scenes, if they aren’t handled properly. If you think about the types of villains that superstrong characters like The Incredible Hulk and Superman fight, most often they tend to be cerebral, smaller and weaker, because when it comes down to it, trading blows is just trading blows, you have to have two different dynamics battling it out to have a really interesting battle.

  6. B. Macon 22 Mar 2010 at 6:15 pm

    Yeah, I thought about Hood vs. “The Hood,” but I wonder whether it’ll be an issue at a novel publisher. I excitedly rave about The Hood to pretty much everybody I know, but I have yet to meet anybody outside of the comics industry that has ever heard of him.

    (The same is probably true of Invincible, for that matter). 😉

  7. Ragged Boyon 22 Mar 2010 at 6:25 pm

    I definitely agree with Lighting Man’s point about varying your superpowers. I think the varying levels of superstrength could get a bit confusing to read or write. I’d recommend throwing in a few powersets that work over different ranges than melee combat. Melee combat in usually more interesting in comics like Batman where less people have superpowers and rely more heavily on skill. Also, throwing in a lightning-flinger never hurt.

  8. Jakeon 23 Mar 2010 at 5:10 am

    Originally I had Hood known as Black Lightning, because he shot a black lightning like substance. So I think I may go back to that. I was thinking of having another stretching hero, perhaps making one of the American Elite have a powerset similar to Mister Fantastic.

    And as for the Mark connotations I think they could actually throw in an interesting scene and dialogue. (Note that I want this to read like a manuscript for now, because I haven’t fleshed out where and when this will even happen)

    “Why does he call himself the Mark? I mean, back in the Police Force mark was what the rich criminals referred to the petty thieves,” Bill said.

    “I’ve told him that…but he doesn’t care. The Mark is who he is,” Dr. A replied.

    “Hasn’t the tabloids ever picked up on something like that…I mean it sort of sets him up to be a fool,” Bill said.

    “Everyone’s to damn scared to say anything. You don’t mess with the Mark.” Dr. A replied.

  9. Jakeon 27 Mar 2010 at 6:51 am

    Alright so I’m going to try to mix up the powers a bit more. But, overall then that would else would make this better. I want it to be signifigantly different from most Super-Hero cliches. So it’ll probably not have a happy ending.

    As a matter of fact I want to make the main characters mind deteriorate over time IE he is slowly going insane or getting darker and grimmer. I would like to write a trilogy of which the super-hero slowly descends to become a super-villain.

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