Mar 02 2010

The Last Man on Mars’ Review Forum

Published by at 4:11 pm under Review Forums

Please see the comments below.  Thanks!

13 responses so far

13 Responses to “The Last Man on Mars’ Review Forum”

  1. The Last Man On Marson 09 Mar 2010 at 5:20 pm

    Im writing a 13 issue superhero comic book Limited Series called “Anarchy in Black”.
    the main plot is that the Amarican government has become so controlling that they tell you what to read and write, mostly inspired by the communist side of the berlin wall and nazi germany. the setting is a run down Los Angelous in 2025 where former spec-ops unit Wayne Adams, AKA Agent 13, a team of revolutionaries consisting of The Anarchist, a man with a genius level intellect, Overwatcher, a ancient blood thirsty spartan with regenerative powers, bone blades, and a small amount of super human strength, and Red, a former child prostitute who’s a excellent markswoman, must face PATRIOTS, which is a government team of “super heroes” who’s only purpose is to make the american people think that the government is there to protect them, PATRIOTS consists of Patriot, the leader and clone of anarchist, liberty, a female ex-soldier who was honorably discharged and given the ability to fly (which can be removed at any time), Stars, a former mercanary with a bone to pick with Agent 13, and trooper, the brother of Overwatcher. the government has a figure head president and is really run by head, a giant supercomputer. The reader is told what happened in the last issue through a newspaper headline. Agent 13 wears a large over coat over police body amor with the POLICE crossed, plain blue jeans and fireman boots, military gloves, a Vote for Bobby Kennedy in ’68 button and peace sign button, he wears a domed helmet and a white panama hat with an upturned brim to make him “more relatable”. He carries a AK-47 and a steel tomahawk for up-close fighting. Overwatcher wears a fadedled-zepplin, the song remains the same, hoodie and blue jeans. Red wears a red leather coat over a black shirt with jeans ad shoes, she carries two pistols on her person. The Anarchist wears a black bullet proof cape full of weapons and a skin tight grey bulletproff outfit with a V for Vendetta style hat. PATRIOTS wear classic tights with patriotic symbols. The main police force was replaced with UNITS, dead bodies converted for remote control use and medium body armor, the only reason the american people except them is because they with cut down on “police force corruption and taxes”. If anyone could give suggestions that would be great

  2. Contra Gloveon 09 Mar 2010 at 5:43 pm

    Your description seems a little jumbled. Can you be clearer?

  3. Pon 09 Mar 2010 at 5:49 pm

    I have a few questions, suggestions, and comments.

    Overall, I would say you have a good idea. Just keep in mind that this setting is has been used by many writers, including a few on this site. Find ways to keep it original.

    The title reminds me a lot of “Men in Black” personally. Were you aiming for that?

    Could you give information on why Agent 13 has left the spec-ops? It is also important that we know about his and the other character’s personality and motives. I also wanted to know if Overwatcher was actually a Spartan warrior, or if he just acts and/or fights like one.

    You may want to check on the name Agent 13. The usage of names like Agent (Random Number) have developed to become pretty cliche.

    I like the sound of your character’s clothing. (Especially Agent 13’s and Anarchists.)

    The fact that the leader of their government organization is a computer has been used multiple times. You’ll want to check with people like B. Mac or Lightning Man to see exactly what it has been used in. (Did you get that idea from President Eden via Fallout 3? Just wondering.)

    Do the names like PATRIOTS and UNITS stand for something since they are both spelled completely with capital letters? If so, what do they mean?

    Anyway, you got some good ideas. Good luck.

  4. The Last Man On Marson 09 Mar 2010 at 6:10 pm

    Agent 13 left the spec-ops in the middle of the war on terror after his group attacked a innocent iraqian village and killed everyone, his group learned this and he was disgusted by there responses about how “they deserved it anyway” and he left.

    Overwatcher and his brother are both spartans.

    Agent 13 fights the government because of his disgust towards them, overwatcher fights because he wants to see blood, anarchist because he completely disagrees with the government, and red because she was forced member of a government sanctioned prostituition ring.

    I got the idea about a supercomputer from an idea that the president isnt really in control, and ive never played fallout 3

    and i didnt mean to capitalize patriots and units i forgot to take my finger off the shift key

  5. B. Macon 09 Mar 2010 at 7:17 pm

    Hello, Last Man on Mars. Here are some ideas.

    –13 issues is quite a lot for a limited series. If you’re a first-time author, I think publishers would be more comfortable working with a smaller series that requires a smaller financial commitment. If at all possible, I would recommend getting it below six issues. It may help to split the work into a few arcs (like three arcs of 3, 5 and 5 issues). Then you’d only need to get a publisher to sign off on three issues to start with, which would be significantly easier than 13 all at once. If you’re dead-set on doing all 13 issues at once, I’d recommend looking into Abacus Comics. They’re really fond of ongoing series and, umm, 13 issues is quite long. (13 issues would take at least a year and a half from planning to release, possibly more if there are unexpected delays)

    –I don’t know if a white Panama hat (upturned or not) will make Agent 13 more relatable. I think that making an ex-special forces guy whose codename is a number relatable would be quite difficult. It may help to give him some personality traits or distinguishing characteristics or interests to make him feel more regular/human.

    –When you present your story to a publisher (or customers, if you self-publish), I would recommend focusing a lot more on character choices and personalities rather than what they wear/wield. By my count, this synopsis spends 65 words on what Agent 13 wears and wields, but NO words on his personality.

    –I think the plot and setting could use more differentiation from a standard democracy-goes-fascist dystopian story. (Among others, V for Vendetta, Judge Dredd, 1984 and maybe Fallout 3 come to mind). So, for example, you might try using more unexpected villains and/or conflicts, unusual scene selection, fresher protagonists, etc. For example, what sort of things do the heroes do when they’re not fighting the government? Or, conversely, what do the government guys do when they’re not suppressing the masses?

    –How many pages per issue are you planning on? If you’re thinking something shortish (like 22-26), you could probably decrease the number of issues by increasing the page count depending on which publishers you’re looking at. For example, Dark Horse tends to publish at 32.

    –Proofreading more carefully would probably help you with editors.

    Good luck! Would you like to post pages of your script?

  6. Pon 09 Mar 2010 at 8:00 pm

    So, the Overwatcher is an actual ancient Spartan warrior? Sounds a little out there, but since this is a universe where heroes are accepted than it seems legitimate. It may be hard to portray a fighter whose style is clearly berserker as the good-guy, but that certainly tells us a lot about his personality; he fights for the purpose of fighting.

    The fact that Agent 13 seems to have some sense of morality can contribute to their interactions. It may be like a Batman-Superman conflict, when the one has a problem with the way the other is handling the situation.

    Just a suggestion.

  7. Anonymouson 10 Mar 2010 at 2:05 pm

    to B. Mac: im intending to change what he is called and I just threw the name there as a place holder for now. actually i was thinking of lowering the number of issues, and I forgot to write about there personalities there, sorry. And thanks for the suggestions, i just realized awhile ago that my comic needs some more other than the main conflict.

    to P: thats actually one of the main conflicts in my story, wayne usually stays with the homeless and strongly disagrees when overwatcher kills an innocent person, and Overwatcher is more of a the end justifies the means to getting there sort of person.

    If someone can give me a suggestion for a new name for Wayne Adams that would be great.

  8. The Last Man on Marson 10 Mar 2010 at 2:06 pm

    whoops forgot to put my name in, sorry about that

  9. The Last Man on Marson 10 Mar 2010 at 3:29 pm

    me and my artist have had creative diffrences and he left with the characters he created, anarchist, overwatcher, and head. I’ve decided to restart from scratch instead of trying to salvage the story, ill post when I’ve got a new story and i will try to be more clear and less jumbled, all I know is there’s a character ive been thinking of called Tesla and he has the ability to absorb any form of energy and disperse it at will until he runs too low, he then has to resort to the brains natural electrical discharges and if that runs out he can go into a coma or die. more later.

  10. Pon 10 Mar 2010 at 3:43 pm

    Interesting and well thought out powers for Tesla. The fact that he is powerful but has a weakness is good for a character and leaves room for him to develop. You may want to check the name though.

    Question: Do Wayne and the Overwatcher get violent in their disputes? Does it lead to negative outcomes (bad guy getting away, time bomb exploding, etc.)

    And if you want me to start thinking of names for Wayne, I’ll need to know more about him.

    Anyway, good luck!

  11. The Last Man on Marson 10 Mar 2010 at 7:51 pm

    originally, yes overwatcher and wayne do get into violent fights wich usually ends up in wayne hacking at overwatcher with his tomahawk once and wayne yelling at overwatcher about killing some innocent workers witch lets all the evidence get destryed about the government bribing a CEO into forgetting something he’s seen. but my artist left and he took his characters which were heavily set into the plot so ive abandoned it sadly. ive decided to make a series that follows Tesla in an alternate cold war era were superheroes exist in a semi realistic world (i way semi because, you know, theres super heroes.) im trying to develop some other characters and am currently contemplating wether to make it a novel or a 4 issue mini-series… ive worked out another character called the Alchemist who was a regular brain surgeon who used an experimental brain surgeory on Teslas brain when he was in a crash which had unforseen side-effects when Tesla messes with a tesla coil during a power spike, this leads him figuring out he can manipulate energy and radiation by drawing it into his body. Alchemist later tells a new surgeon the directions of the surgeory so he can gain powers for himself. the surgeory works differently for different people and he gains super intelligence, he then kills the surgeon so only he knows the details of how to do the surgeory, he then secretly starts operating of both the red army and the american army.

  12. B. Macon 10 Mar 2010 at 9:01 pm

    Ahh, I’m sorry to hear about the artist situation.

    I think the Cold War story sounds a bit fresher, but I’d recommend thinking more about Tesla’s personality and motivations. As for Alchemist, I think killing the second surgeon after the surgery is complete suggests megalomania/paranoia, which is an interesting start.

    Would you like to share some pages of your script? (Or some pages from an early draft of the script?) I think that would help. Some things, particularly personality, rely on execution and it’s hard to evaluate execution by looking at a summary.

  13. Tomon 11 Mar 2010 at 9:55 am

    May I ask why the American Government has become Fascist? In V for Vendetta the reason given was that an extremist party managed to gain power from the scared survivors of a nuclear war. Why has the American Government decided it wants to control what’s read and written a la Fahrenheit 451?

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