Feb 12 2010

Version 1.3 of my script is ready!

Version 1.3 of my script is ready! As before, the password is my first name (no capitals).  My first name is the most common name for American guys that starts with a ‘b.‘ If you’re still not sure what it is, please feel free to read my bio here.  I’m sorry to inflict a password on you, particularly one so pathetic, but it’ll reduce the chances that bots will pirate the script before you have a chance to buy it. As the French say, that would be le suck.


Please let me know what you think about the script. Right now, it’s at 35 pages. I need to slash down to 22 (maybe 26) pages.  If you can think about any scenes that can be shortened or removed, I’d really appreciate that.

9 responses so far

9 Responses to “Version 1.3 of my script is ready!”

  1. Princess GGon 12 Feb 2010 at 12:49 pm

    Haha, I guessed it right on the first try without using the census sheet. 😛

    But still, like the script. 😀 I’d totally buy your comic when it comes out.

  2. B. Macon 12 Feb 2010 at 1:23 pm

    If you’re interested in buying it, would you like to enter the raffle? The winner gets a free signed copy.

    (On my end, the main purpose of the raffle list is to show to prospective publishers that there are a lot of people that would consider buying this comic. Your assistance may help me get published, so I’d really appreciate that). Thanks!

  3. B. Macon 13 Feb 2010 at 6:19 pm

    I’m down to 34 pages!

  4. Jed Hon 31 Aug 2016 at 5:12 am

    Nice! Can see a lot of intra-office conflict going on, and the story has a nice ending, although I picked up on the whole ‘he’s gonna get assigned to AO’ a few pages before the end – maybe this is what you want? Any idea when the book’s going to be published yet?

  5. B. McKenzieon 31 Aug 2016 at 6:33 am

    Most recent outline here. I think it’s considerably better, particularly Gary. Gary blackmails his way onto the team (because he witnessed agents using illegal supervillain technology to save him), and he’s more aware of what he’s actually being used for. Also, unlike the 1.3 version of Gary, this Gary knew that auditing Hex Abrams was a huge deal, and only did so to troll his boss. So, in general, he’s significantly more competent, and both he and the OSI have been moved in a more legally grey direction. Also, the setting’s getting fleshed out more — the wrinkle around supervillain equipment being illegal, but still very useful, feels a lot more promising than having 100% cooperative superscientists on a team.

    Also, having done some brief market research, I probably wouldn’t describe the work as a comedy in the proposal (which probably wouldn’t affect the actual work itself, just how it’s proposed to publishers and ultimately marketed).

    No idea if/when it’ll be published.

  6. AjofEarthon 31 Aug 2016 at 9:40 am

    Reading it now, standby…! =D

    -Aj Hyde, of Earth

  7. AjofEarthon 01 Sep 2016 at 9:07 pm

    Finished, and I really enjoyed it! Here’s why:

    – Humor. I remember reading several pages of this in illustrated comic format and laughing then, same here. I think the comedy is witty (lines like “tests are inconclusive”, also the hilarity of “CONCERNED NEIGHBOR” with what they actually had to say). I enjoy this style of funny, even though I know you said you probably wouldn’t describe it as a comedy in the proposal. I think even still, the humor that runs throughout will be well-received.

    – Story/Character Development. I like knowing Gary’s origin story, which I didn’t much previously. The car bomb, Felix, OSI, the looming threat of Barrow (30 Days of Night hat-tip? Heh, nice.) and now knowing your more recent development that Gary blackmails his way onto the team… There’s more there, there. And I’m that much more invested, getting more into the meat of the story, the scenes that move it forward.

    A few questions…

    – Have you scripted this out further, the episodes that follow? I know you have an outline but is there more of this kind of reading? How many issues/episodes are there? Does it actually have a final arc? I ask because this strikes me as a great read, easy to visualize in comic form, with what I feel is a lot of potential for reader traction. I’d read it, anyway.

    – I guess stemming from the above questions, do you have an illustrator? Or rather, what happened to the iteration that I’ve read pages of in the past? What’s your plan for this overall? Definitely interested, although I can’t believe I’ve never read this script before, even though the original post date says 2010. I don’t remember seeing this post/article in any of the lists you have, in either Superhero Writing Advice or Improve Your Writing. Are there other pages of readings that I’ve completely missed all this time?

    But yeah man, great read. Now what’s the game plan moving ahead?

  8. B. McKenzieon 01 Sep 2016 at 10:30 pm

    “Have you scripted this out further, the episodes that follow? I know you have an outline but is there more of this kind of reading?” I’ve sent you a preliminary outline of the 4 issues on Facebook. (If anybody else is interested, please email me at superheronation-at-gmail-dot-com).

    “But yeah man, great read. Now what’s the game plan moving ahead?” I’d probably need 1 issue scripted, 6 inked/colored/lettered pages from issue 1, and an outline of the other 3-4 issues to submit. I probably wouldn’t have multiple issues scripted before proposing.

    “I guess stemming from the above questions, do you have an illustrator?” I hope she’s still interested, but it has been five years.

    “the looming threat of Barrow (30 Days of Night hat-tip? Heh, nice.)” I think Barrow is iconically desolate, so it’s probably been used previously for a similar feel. (I once applied to work in Barrow, but thankfully did not get the job).

  9. AjofEarthon 02 Sep 2016 at 10:55 pm

    Right on! Thanks for sharing!

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