Nov 18 2009

The Chozen’s Review Forum

Published by at 4:15 pm under Review Forums

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4 Responses to “The Chozen’s Review Forum”

  1. The Chozenon 07 Dec 2009 at 3:08 pm

    Naketa Brood

    Personality- creative, dutiful, impulsive, moody, loyal

    Powers-Teleportation (Space/Time), Temporal manipulation, Danger Sense


    He grabbed my shoulders and made me look into his eyes.

    “Naketa, look at me, and listen carefully.”

    We were both breathing heavily, from running so fast.

    “You have to go back. ”

    He paused. “I made a lot of mistake-”

    I had to interrupt. “No Ash, WE.”

    “Alright, WE made a lot of mistakes. Starting around five years ago, when we got in the middle of this mess. Sometimes lies feel better than the truth. And that’s what you have to do, you have to go back, and make sure we stay ignorant. You’ll remember everything that has happened, so you’ll know exactly how to fix it. You can live a peaceful future, and forget this time, which will become only a memory.”

    It was all happening so fast, I didn’t understand what he was getting at.



    He cradled my head in his hands.

    “You are going back. And you’re going to change this awful future. Just promise me one thing, don’t forget me, and the few things we did together.”

    He looked on the verge of tears, and I felt I should be, but I was almost too sad to cry. He turned to leave, but then came back.

    “There’s one mistake I made, that I’d never want to erase.”

    Very quickly, I was in his arms, and his lips were firmly pressed to mine. It had started a very suddenly, a very full kiss. And it only continued to become more so as I felt his tongue enter my mouth. I then realized exactly what I was doing, I had my arms around his neck, and one hand was drifting up into his black hair. My lips were moving just as frantically around his, filled with the equal passion, and hope, that just maybe our problems could be forgotten and we could continue as people were meant to live. His arms pulled me closer, melding my body into his. I tried to hold on as he pulled his lips off mine, but he still held me fast against him, and I didn’t want him to let go.

    “I fell in love with you.” he said.

    I just held onto him tighter, he knew my reply, he knew I felt the same way. And we both knew there was nothing ahead for us. He looked into my eyes, caring.

    “Turn around, and close your eyes. Please do not look back. Just remember me, this me.”

    He released me, and I was instantly void of his warmth. But I obeyed, turning around, and slowly closing my eyes. There was a beeping noise. One shot. One gasp. One thud.

    I knew what had happened, and even though I couldn’t see, I could still picture it. His lifeless form lying there, his lips that were just seconds ago on top of mine, dripping with blood. I felt so angry, I was so sad that it made it impossible for me to cry, I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t cry for him. As I opened my eyes, I felt a single tear escape, I watched it drop onto the floor.

    It was the last thing I saw before I disappeared.

    (A different place and time.)

    It was like a blink. Nothing more, nothing less. I tripped as I took a first step, and my face met the ground much faster than it should’ve. Dirt and grass was spit from my mouth. I stood up, and finally realized that I’d changed. My eyes drifted to my clothing, jean shorts, yellow tank top. In the back of my mind I knew what had happened, and what to expect, but I never really believed it before.

    “There you are Naketa!”

    My head turned immediately at the sound of my name, and I gazed upon a much younger Ash. He still had the cap, that hid his marvelously uncontrollable black hair.

    “Let’s get back to camp, Brock has dinner ready.”

    I watched him pause and cock his head.

    “Are you okay Naketa? You look a little pale.”

    I quickly put on a forced smile.

    “I’m fine! Let’s go!”

    Ash started walking ahead, and I just followed, still in a daze. My legs didn’t feel right, being so much shorter than I was used to. But the one thing I couldn’t understand was how?

    How did I go back?


    Again I was jerked back to reality and frantically looked around for the source.

    “Naketa, you were walking straight out of camp!”

    “Oh, um yea. I was just daydreaming!”

    Ash got a very puzzled expression, then shrugged. A new voice came to my ears then, no, not new, I just hadn’t heard it in a very long time.

    “Hey, you guys! Dinner is ready!”

    Brock. I just sat down and ate the delicious food, silently. I thought about what I needed to do now. Ash had said to keep us ignorant, or more so, keep them ignorant. And I knew what was going to happen, so it would be easy, right?

    But I couldn’t remember, it was long ago, and I had desperately been trying to block it out for years now. Unbeknownst that it would later be critical information. I suddenly remembered how it started, at least most of it, but it was enough.

    What time was it now?

    What day?

    I had to know, so we could run……and fast.

    “Ash, please tell me, quickly. What day is it? And what time?”
    “Well, it’s Thursday, and-” He pulled out his watch, and pressed a button.

    “It’s 5:23PM. But why do you want to know?”

    My fingers rested over my lips, I was trying to remember, it had been Friday. I think. Could we spend the night here?

    Yes, nice and rested so we could run the next day.

    “Naketa, you’re acting strange, what is wrong?”

    What was wrong?

    Many, many things were wrong with the seemingly perfect reality they knew. There were enemies all around.

    “I’m just really tired, I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morning Ash, don’t worry.”

    He scooted a little closer to me and peered questioningly into my eyes.

    “Since when are you so nice to me?”

    Why on earth would I be mean?

    I was always nice to him, wasn’t I?

    Again a revelation hit me, of what I used to be. Circumstances made a big change on me, I was almost a whole different being. But how could I fake my old self?

    I put on a more sarcastic voice, one that I hadn’t used in ages.

    “I already TOLD you Ash, I’m tired. I don’t have enough energy to argue with you!”

    Then he smiled, content with the fact I sounded ‘normal’ again.

    I slipped into my sleeping bag, and rested my head. Ash and Brock were still eating and talking over by the fire, and my thoughts drifted to what had happened earlier, or rather later.

    The kiss mostly, the warm feeling of Ash’s lips, and how right it felt. And then he was gone, and yet he was sitting only a few feet away from me now. I thought of the future, I thought of my past, I thought I wasn’t tired, and yet I slept.

    It was still dark, but we needed to get going. I slid partially out of my sleeping bag and started shivering frantically. Every part of my sensible mind said to curl back up in the warmth and rest some more, but I couldn’t. With clenched teeth I stood up and instantly started shuffling my feet. The ground was cold, my arms were cold, and the bones in my legs felt as if they vibrated. Why did I wear these clothes?

    I made a mental note to re-do my wardrobe as soon as possible.


    I think it was the sound of teeth chattering that woke him, rather than the sound of his name being hissed. He just opened his eyes and squinted at me.

    “Ash, we need to go. Please just wake up Brock and get packed.”

    He was still squinting at me.

    “Wha? Why?”

    I sat down beside him as he sat up.

    “I’m sorry, I can’t explain because you wouldn’t understand.”

    “Let me get this straight. You want me to leave in the middle of the night, for no reason, because I wouldn’t understand what you won’t explain?”

    The tone of his voice was strange, it almost hurt. He thought I didn’t trust him, but I couldn’t tell the truth! He wouldn’t believe the truth.

    I leaned over and kissed him very lightly, and shortly on the lips. Maybe it was the darkness, maybe it was because he wasn’t wearing his hat, maybe I was addicted to him after the first kiss. But I just ran afterwards, I ran and sat down behind a tree. Because I honestly didn’t know what to do!

    Then I heard noises, Ash was packing, and it sounded like Brock had gotten up too. I couldn’t help but smile, maybe this wouldn’t be so hard.

    All of us were soon traveling in the darkness. I knew what had happened last time, and I was extremely determined not to let it happen again. I led the group as far away, as quickly as I could. It was soon dawn, and then almost noon.

    We stopped and sat down to break for lunch when there was one shot, and Brock fell, dead.

    I gasped, how could they have found us?

    We were far away! Unless…..unless they had been following us. And that would mean it was inevitable, I couldn’t prevent this from happening!

    “Run Ash!”

    We were off at a full sprint, adrenalin pumping. It came as a total shock when I felt excruciating pain and my leg gave way. How could I be shot?

    I hadn’t been shot last time!

    Then it came to me.


    The sound of electricity cracking came to my ears as I continued to run. A gun shot was heard, but I kept running. But what hurt the most was Ash’s scream.



    I must have been crumpled in a heap on the ground, looking pitiful, but I closed my eyes and prepared for the inevitable. A shot rang out, but the pain didn’t come, just a heavy weight on my back. Was I dead?

    But I managed to open my eyes and……there was Ash, he had blocked the bullet. And the only word I could think of was: failure. Look at what one little mistake made! Look at how easy it was to fail! I had a whole other chance, and look at how quickly I had failed.

    And what to do now? There was nothing to live for! Nothing!
    I just closed my eyes, wishing I could’ve done something with a chance, wishing I had done anything but fail.

    I didn’t dare to open my eyes again, so they stayed closed for the longest time. That caused me to fall asleep, and thus, I woke up.

    The surroundings looked familiar, but the havoc and terror didn’t seem to be visible anymore. Ash was not there. Now what had happened!?

    My head ached with the confusion of it all. Now accustom to my much smaller body, I got up and notice that I wasn’t shot. Then I started walking a bit, only to meet the last person I’d expected.


    My mouth was agape, as I awed at the fact he was perfectly unharmed.

    “Hi Naketa, I was just looking for you. Brock has dinner ready.”

    Confusion, and utter confusion. I just couldn’t understand what was going on! This had already happened, and now it was happening again! Did I get another chance?

    That was defiantly what it appeared to be. This time would be different, but unfortunately that meant it had to be the same as the first time, the very first time. The beginning would have to be the same, Ash would have to find out a little bit, but not all.

    Again I faked a sarcastic and playful voice, imitating my former self.

    “Ok Ash, I’ll race you there!”

    It was dark, and I again found myself in my sleeping bag. But this time I had nothing planned. Unfortunately I had to live out this day just as before, I had to watch two close friends die. Again. I had already tried to stop it, and it didn’t work, they were following and there was no way to get away from that. I banged my fist against the ground. What was I supposed to do after!?

    Just hide…….forever? I….guess that….could work. And I just HAD to remember to act like my old self, more problems could arise if I didn’t. But now I have to surrender to this enemy called sleep.

    When I finally re-opened my eyes it was well into the day. The glint of dew was gone from the ground. Ash was a few yards away, and I couldn’t see Brock. He was off getting water. Strange knowing the future, strange changing it, strange living the past over again.

    I was so tempted to ask Ash what time it was, but would the old Naketa really have done that?

    Brock would be shot when he returned, which could be any moment now. I scurried out of my sleeping bag and rolled it up. It really was a beautiful day, I just never really paid attention, with my mind on other things. The sun was high and radiant, a sleeveless shirt allowed my shoulders to feel the internal warmth it gave. Only a light breeze, just enough to let the forest dance. And shadows haunted the floor, almost silhouetting the disaster to come in this picturesque setting.

    We were all just so innocent. I glanced over at Ash, carelessly living life without a notion, even a hint, that this was a turning point. Sad isn’t it?

    Nowhere to be cowardly, no time to be strong. And that leaves you to feel it, just let it all come at you full force. I could feel the muscles in my fists tightening. How could life be so cruel?

    Look at us! Just look! We were happy, with goals and dreams, and fantasies. And all that can be ripped away so easily. No matter how far you reach for them back, your hands return empty, clutching nothing but the darkness. Yes… was a good thing we were strong. It was a good thing Ash was strong.

    The sound of rustling brush was what I heard next. And at that I lowered my head.

    “Oh Naketa, you’re up-”

    Brocks voice was cut short by the gun shot. It was sounding all too familiar, almost just like it was part of the scenery, no different than a Spearow’s cry. That distinct sound of a last breath, you can always tell by the sorrowful screech it leaves in your head. Almost screaming “And there will be no more.” Then there’s the falling, the thud of a lifeless form against the living ground. I could never bear to watch.

    Ash yelled “Brock!” then quickly ran to his side. He held his fingers to Brocks neck, checking for a pulse.


    I ran and kneeled down next to him, also surveying Brock’s lifeless form. Cautiously peering into his face I saw a couple tears slither downwards to meet the ground, then suddenly his sad expression changed to one of almost anger. He whispered at me through clenched teeth.

    “Who would do this?”

    And then a shot rang out again, barely missing my own body. At that Ash screamed “RUN!” And that was exactly what I did, exactly replicating what I had done before. Except this time I remembered to grab my sleeping bag.

    “Ash, we have to get out of here!”

    His face was wet with tears, but he still had a sense of control about him. We both ran now, together, anywhere but that clearing in the forest. I couldn’t feel my feet moving, adrenalin was empowering them to speeds I never knew possible. And we just kept going.

    It must have been hours later. The shoes that covered my tired feet were caked with dust; I was just so thankful to stop and sit down. Ash was seated beside me, and his face looked hard and cold. Our heavy breathing was all I could hear, until Ash spoke.

    “I think we lost them. I hope we lost them. But who were they? And WHY WOULD THEY BE AFTER US?”

    He was seriously upset. And so was I in fact, even thought I knew all about it.

    “I’m not sure,”

    A lie, right there.

    “But at least we got away safely, and we can just keep hidden.”

    Isn’t that what Ash had told me to do? Keep ourselves out of danger instead of searching for it like we had before?

    “No Naketa! We can’t! I have to find out who murdered Brock”

    “We don’t stand a chance! Don’t you see that? Even if we did find them they have guns and we don’t!”

    “Well then what do you propose we do? Just stay here in the forest and hide forever? Never knowing anything or getting any answers?”

    We were both lying down but propping ourselves up with our hands. Oh if only Ash knew what the future was! If only he could see that knowing nothing WAS really the best! I knew he was too stubborn to convince now, when he had just witnessed everything and was enraged. So I neutralized the situation.

    “Lets just stay here awhile. We can think about it and get a plan, this isn’t anything to mess with!”

    With that his voice softened, he turned away with his head down.

    “I thought I knew you better Naketa, I thought you would want to get back at whoever did this. But I see you’re just a coward.”

    Oh that hurt, especially coming from him. I really hadn’t been this way, I had been just as fiery as he had been, maybe more. HE had actually been the one to come up with the idea to wait, and settle down, but that had been after another attack.

    I released the death grip that was holding a sleeping bag. The fabric was cold as I rolled it out along the ground, then slipped in fully clothed. I started shivering. But the sun was up, and the wind was down. Now I was punishing myself; how could I act that way?

    You’re not acting the way you would’ve, and what if you loose Ash all together?

    I turned my head. His back was towards me, and his right hand drifted against his face then returned. Wiping tears probably. Ash had a lot to cry about his ever faithful friend, Brock the brotherly figure. And now me, acting totally out of character. I was making this harder.

    “I’m sorry, Ash.”

    I saw his head turn at my voice. Bloodshot eyes met mine.

    “I said ‘I’m sorry.’”

    With a shaky voice, and through clenched teeth he replied.

    “I heard what you said.”

    This was definitely wrong, he looked…..furious. So I moved a little closer, slithering in my sleeping bag.

    “What’s the matter?”

    His eyes narrowed and gleamed glassy like a cobra.

    “I want revenge Naketa.”

    It had happened so fast. But now it was anger, a great hatred towards those who had brought all the suffering upon him. And who could blame him?

    I had felt the same way; the two of us had harnessed it, and controlled it, together. But I cannot act that way now! Is it required that I act?

    I can’t burst out in tears, I can’t fake a rage.

    “I want revenge too…”

    My voice cut off there as the words finally sank in to my own consciousness. Damn right I wanted revenge! So I had to say it,

    “..You don’t know how much I want it.”

    Finally a response, he turned his head slightly to stare at me. And said “But I want it now. I want to track them down and assault them with my bare fists.” he said.

    I ran my tongue across dry lips,

    “You wouldn’t get revenge by killing yourself.”

    He didn’t respond, so I kept going.

    “They’re sure to come after us, so why don’t we be ready? A plan to find out who they are, exactly.”

    Or I could just tell you Ash, but……that wouldn’t be fair, and you wouldn’t want to know.

    His head moved in a gentle nod.

    “It’s impossible for us to find out who’s behind this just by waiting for them to attack, we have no defense. I say we learn to fight.”

    I suddenly realized at how little I’d done to change anything, because this was almost exactly what had happened the first time. But, what could I do?

    Now was the time to rack my brain for ideas.

    “I think I have an idea….” I said.

  2. The Chozenon 07 Dec 2009 at 5:46 pm

    Michael Powers:

    Personality-serious, paranoid, conflicted, conscientious, reserved, insecure, disorganized
    Powers-Healing, Bio-vampire, Biokinesis (his mind over your body), X-Ray Vision


    It was a cold windy night. About ten at night. A girl of about twenty years of age with red hair that reached her shoulders sat in a booth by the window at an all night diner. The diner was in a small town that was in the middle of nowhere. Just surrounded by nothing, but desert. Sakura was staring out at the moon. She was not alone. She was accompanied by a large man of about seven foot tall who looked like a wall with a coat on. Marko was his name and hunting was his game. Right now he was sipping his coffee and was trying to decide what he was going to order from the menu. The waitress came over and took their orders. The waitress looked tired and worn out, like she had been working for hours non-stop. They could tell she was tired. She had bags under her eyes and looked like hell but managed to smile sweetly at the two. marko got pork ramon and the red haired girl didn’t get anything. She wasn’t hungry.

    On the other side of the diner in one of the booths sat a young boy. Currently his eyes were covered with sun glasses. He couldn’t be more than fourteen. He had long brown hair that reached to the middle of his back. It was tied in a pony tail. He was just sipping coffee.

    Back at the other side of the diner the red haired girl was looking over at the man. Then she reached down to her backpack that had been sitting on the floor and put it on the table. She opened it and started to dig through it trying to avoid getting cut by all the knives that rest in it, the hand gun, and the ammo until she found what she was looking for. She pulled out a black note book and set it on the table and started to read its contents. Her partner looked up from this steaming bowl of ramon at her.

    “What’s up Sakura?” he asked his partner.

    “Who wears sunglasses in the middle of the night?”

    She asked him without looking up from her book. Marko thought for a minute then answered.

    “Freaks, blind people, people trying to be cool or just people with sensitive eyes. Why?”

    He asked while propping his head up with his left arm and raising one eye brow at his friend.

    “Don’t look now but that guy looks a little familiar.” She answered.

    Marko casually looked in the dinner. It wasn’t a big place and there was only him, Sakura, the waitress, cook, and the young boy.

    “Your right.”

    He said as he took a sip of his coffee and looked back at the red haired woman.

    “Who is He?”

    He asked while he went back to his food that was starting to get cold.

    “Michael Powers, a wanted mass murderer.”

    Sakura read from the black book. Marko could see two pictures on the page Sakura was reading from.

    “Threat level nine out of ten. Wow, we got to be careful with this guy. Says here he killed three doctors and five nurses. Never let your guard down with him.”

    She finished then closed the book and put it back in her bag. Marko nodded his head showing that he understood.

    “So how do you want to do this?” he asked as he pushed his bowl to the side of the table when he was finished eating.

    “I say, we get him after he leaves.” she suggested. Marko nodded in agreement.

    Michael Powers sat there remembering how it all started. Michael woke up from a coma. The reason why he was in the coma in the first place is because he accidently killed his mother and father during his fourteenth birthday party along with all his friends and their parents. The shock of seeing his parents and friends melt away into nothingness, and only their clothes remain was too much for Michael to handle, so he went into a coma. Somehow he knew that he had caused his parents deaths.

    He had been in the coma for seven hours when he woke up. Michael got out of bed, taking the wires that were monitoring him off. Then he started walking around the hospital, yet not being noticed by anyone. It was as if he was invisible. He was walking right pass people and yet no one saw him, which to him was very odd. Walking down the hall Michael could see inside all the rooms like the walls were not there. At one point Michael stopped and touched his own body, making sure that he was not dreaming and that his body was solid.

    Michael stepped into the ICU visitor’s area. It appeared modern and comfortable. Theburgundy carpet with it’s gray geometic designs was cheery without being obnoxious. The abstract paintings of mountains and rolling hills on the wall were soothing. Not far away sat the room’s only occupant, an attractive brunette with long, carefully styled hair, high cheek-bones, and a figure that was slim where fashion dictated it to be slim and voluptious where is was to be voluptious. Michael somehow knowing the signs of cosmetic surgery guessed her to be in her mid fourties. She was immersed iin the latest Danielle Steel novel. As Michael walked past the woman, he noticed that the woman was wearing a silk blouse, diamond necklace, jade earrings, and calshin pumps. She obviously knew how to spend money.Michael thought.

    A nurse came up to her with a peice of paper for her to sign. The paper said:

    I do not want heroic efforts made to prolong my life, and I do not want life-sustaining treatments to be providedor continued if:(1) I am irrever sible coma or persistant vegetative state, or(2) if I am terminally ill and the use of life-sustaining procedures would serve only to artificially delay the moment of my death, (3) under any other circumstances where the burdens of the treatment outweigh the expected benifits. I want my agent to consider the relief of suffering and the quality of my life, as well as the extent of the possible prolongation of my life.

    Instantly the serene ICU came alive. An ICU nurse had shut off an alarm and went into room six. A female doctor appeared from nowhere and went into room six also, and started administering CPR. Despite the flurry of activity the staff maintained an eerie calm, a testimony to their professionalism during life and death situations. Two other male doctors entered room six. The female doctor raised her fist and smacked the man laying on the table hard in the center of his chest. All eyes darted to the monitor above the bed.

    “Defib” One of the male doctors ordered.

    The word was barely uttered before a thrid nurse rooled a small portable michine toward the room, nearly colliding with Michael. Covers were thrown back and the man’s clothes were torn aside. A male nurse squirted gel across two electic paddles and placed them on the man’s chest.

    Then he yelled “Clear”

    Everyone stepped back. there was a breif click, and the man’s entire body jecked grotesquely.

    “Go to 300” the female doctor ordered.

    The ICU nurse resumed CPR as the secopnd nurse adjusted the settings on the machine. Once again the paddles were placed on the man’s chest.


    The body convulsed, causing the right arm to flop lifelessly off the table. Again the team turned to the monitor. Again there was no response.

    “360” the doctor ordered.

    The machine was reset. Again the paddles were put on the man’s chest.


    Once again there was the dull click and the sound of the man’s body jerking. Everyone looked at the monitor. The lines and numbers on the monitor made no sense to Michael, but the faces of those watchingit did. They were not pleased. The doctor shouted out a number, followedcby something that sounded like “epi” and the word,”push”.
    Immediately the male nurse produced a syringe and inserted it directly into one of the IVs leading to the man’s arm. Seconds passed as the first nurse continued CPR, as all eyes remained fixed on the monitor. After what seemed like an eternity the female doctor reordered.


    Once again the paddles were placed on the man’s bare skin and once again the command was given.


    Another click. Another sickening convulsion. Eyes turned to the monitor. Nothing.

    “Go to lidocaine” the doctor ordered.

    Another syringe appeared in one of the nurse’s hands.He injected it into the IV. More seconds passed as everyone stared at the monitor. How strange, Michael thought. They were no longer looking at the man, only the monitor. It was as if the man didn’ exist. Only the machine.

    Again the doctor ordered”360″.

    “Clear” Another jolt, another body jeck.

    “Another epi”

    More syringes appeared. More drugs injected into the IV. and more waiting.

    “Okay let’s juicehim again” the female doctor sighed. Therewas no missing the weariness in her voice.


    Another sickening click, and yet another convulsion. After another moment, the doctor spoke again,sounding even more drained. “All right, give me 375 milligrams of beryllium.”

    Another syringe appeared and was emptied into the IV. Seconds ticked off. Again the paddles were placed in position, and again the order was given.


    Another dull click, Another grotesque jeck. By now, only the female doctor and the ICU nurse watched the monitor. The others simple stood around, waiting……

    Michael was somehow conpelled to go into room six. Michael walked around the nurses and doctors. No one noticed him or said anything to him. No one tried to stop him in any way. He walked right up to the man on the table and put his hands on the man’s chest. Michael then closed his eyes and started concentrating, while his hands laid on the man. Michael could feel a part of himself go out of himself and go into the man laying on the table.

    All of a sudden the monitor started making a loud noise, and the man’s eyes opened. Also it seem that none of the doctors or nurses noticed Michael standing there until then. This both surprised and scared the doctors and nurses, which seem to not know what to do. The female doctor picks up a nearby phone and calls security, while the male nurse tries to restraint Michael by grabbing him. While Michael was trying to free himself from the male nurse, two security guards came running into the room. Both security guards grabbed Michael while another doctor was moving toward Michael with a syringe full of something. That is when it happened again.

    All of a sudden everybody in the room started melting away, within five seconds there was nothing left but their clothes. All the people were gone, even the man that Michael just brought back to life. So Michael started running, and ran out the hospital and kept running, knowing that somebody would be looking for him for what he did.

    After two hours of running Michael came to a cemertary where he stayed the night. He somehow felt at home in that place. The next day Michael goes to the resturant for coffee, but notices two people watching him.

    Michael got up and paid for his meal in cash and left. Marko and Sakura followed. Michael took a right when he exited the diner and started to walk to the nearest car at a steady pace. When he was ten feet away from the car, a click of a gun was heard.

    “Stop!”Was also heard from behind him.

    It was a female voice filled with content. Michael stopped in his tracks.

    “I am from the government. I was sent to retrieve you and bring you to our base. If you don’t cooperate I have permission to kill.”

    Michael didn’t speak or move, he just stood there frozen. The wind started to pick up a little, weeds and bushes bent to the winds every whim. Dust and sand started to kick up.

    “Put your hands on the back of your head slowly.” The woman said.

    No one moved. “I said put your hands on the back of your head, slowly.”
    the woman repeated with more venom and content in her voice this time.

    I will shoot!” she yelled. “You were warned” she said then she pulled the trigger. She had the gun pointed at Michael’s back when it happened.

  3. The Chozenon 07 Dec 2009 at 5:55 pm

    The name of the comic is Enigma. A secret group of powerful people hunting anyone with supernatural or superhuman powers to use as weapons. This secret group wants to control the world through any means available, they don’t care if it is ecomonic, political, war, innovation, or terror. They don’t work for any government, but may if is to their advantage they will work with a government. They use anybody and everybody to move toward their goals. Their present goal is to hunt down five people, who they want to use as human weapons against anyone that gets in their way. Those people are Michael Powers, Lisa Myers, Kevin Becker, Naketa Brood, Peter Schultz. I have started work on some of the main characters. As always the secret group stays in the shadows. tell me what you think. I have to rewrite Lisa Myers because of the comments that I got.

    What do you think of Naketa Brood?

    What do you think of Michael Powers?

  4. The Chozenon 09 Dec 2009 at 1:45 pm

    Peter schultz

    Personality- spiritual, over-idealistic, sheltered, conflicted, Does not understand humans, thief, untactful

    Powers-Actrobatic, Weapons Creation,


    It was dark in a junkyard on the outskirts of New York City. No one would really want to call this place his or her ground…save one being.

    He was a well-built young man with blonde hair that stuck up like grass, light-colored skin, and fine-toned muscles. His eyes were closed, but when he opened them, they were revealed to be the color of polished gold.

    The minute this man’s eyes had opened, he sprang into action. He punched and kicked at the air, as though expecting to hit an invisible person, and to him, he was hitting every time. He twirled in a kind of pirouette to evade an oncoming attack, then jumped to perform a spin kick.

    The man’s movements were well-balanced and came at a steady flow. After each attack came an evasive maneuver or a different form of attack. When he jumped to land on the ground, he took something off his belt: a small bar of golden material. He held it out and the bar turned into a staff easily as long as he was tall.

    Now armed with a new weapon, the man set straight to work. He got back to his feet, twirling the staff like a baton before swinging it at his non-existent enemy. He swiftly turned around, springing into the air slightly and brought the staff down on the hood of a parked car. A huge dent was put in the hood and the

    whole thing flipped forward as though a small rocket went off under it. The car landed on the ground just behind the man, who had resumed his training and rolled on the ground, staff still in hand.

    After a few tense jabs at the air and a few sweeps on the ground, the man came to a stop. For now, his training was over, and chances were that he wouldn’t have time to stay.

    A presence suddenly came to his mind and he looked up at the starlit sky to see a shooting star streak across the sky. But he knew that of all the things, a shooting star was not one of them.

    “They’ve come.” The man said, his eyes narrowed as they followed the shooting star’s path.

    His time had come at last….

    (While above the Earth)
    Just in Earth’s orbit came a massive galleon of sorts, but it was certainly not anything from our world. It had the all-in-all build of an old galleon, but it looked VERY foreign. It almost looked like a living being, but it wasn’t.

    In the main quarters, the room was dark; very dark. But it was not soundproof, as a deep, surprisingly calm voice proved. “This is the next world we cleanse.” It announced. From the sound of shuffling footsteps, the speaker had turned to others on the ship. “Capricorn, Aries, Sagittarius, Taurus, come with me. The rest of you, stay in the shadows until orders are given.”

    “Yes, sir.”

    (Back on Earth)
    It was a quiet day at a local police station; things were going nicely, no one had tried to escape, and there was no other business to come for another week. No one was getting out of this place, and none of their little friends were going to break them out.

    But then…who was that strange guy just at the front gates?

    The man was tall, well-built, and had shoulder-length hair the color of gold. On getting a closer look, the scouts found out that he had a VERY sinister-looking grin on his face and golden eyes. To make things even weirder, the doors weren’t even open to this prison. It was as though he had come here without even using the entrance.

    “Sir, we have an intruder.” One of the scouts announced into a communicator, “We’ll be sending a few men to deal with…”

    Suddenly, the doors to the prison shot open as two guards armed with guns flew through the threshold and landed on their backs. The source turned out to be a metal ram head on the end of a long chain. Said ram head’s horns suddenly turned on sockets and the whole head turned into a four-fingered hand. The hand crawled across the ground like a spider until the chain retracted and brought the hand back to its owner.

    The owner of the metal hand was a giant monster of sorts that had a vaguely human appearance: it stood on two legs, had a very muscular build, but that was just about it. Its feet ended in heavy-looking cloven hooves and it had the head of a very ugly-looking ram. One of its horns was broken and when its lips peeled free of its mouth to snarl, it turned out it was hiding a mouthful of hideous teeth.

    “I’m afraid security can’t make it.” The monster said in a growling, gruff voice. It beckoned with its flesh hand, and ordered, “C’mon, Aries. Let’s trash this camp…”

    An oncoming man with a gun almost opened fire on the ram-headed monster, but had barely taken two steps forward when something spun through the air and knocked his gun out of his hand. The projectile turned out to be a curved sword of sorts, and it returned to its owner like a boomerang. The being that caught it stepped out of the gateway to reveal another strange-looking creature.

    THIS creature also resembled a horned animal, but it looked more like a goat than a ram. It had a humanoid appearance with a similar chest and arms, but it had a mane of fur around its neck, a slightly elongated muzzle, and horns that curved backward and were short compared to the ram’s. It also had the legs of a goat, complete with black fur, a short tail, and cloven hooves. Unlike the ram’s feet, this one’s resembled a goat’s rather than a human foot, like the ram. The goat being was also MUCH shorter than the previous one. While the ram creature stood more than seven feet tall, this goat was barely a meter tall, including its horns.

    “Thought you’d never ask.” The goat being said with a Brooklyn accent.

    More gunmen arrived on the scene, surrounding the man, the goat, and the ram. But what was odd was that these people didn’t seem to want to fight back. They simply remained as cool as cucumbers. And soon, one gunman couldn’t wait anymore. He fired a single shot at the blonde man, but was more than shocked to see that the bullet froze in midair just inches from his nose. The blonde man looked at it, indifferently, then brushed it away with his index finger.

    “Such is the case for several of you lower life forms.” The blonde man said, shaking his head, “Always relying on numbers and never on pure strength.”

    “Who are you?!” one of the gunmen demanded.

    The blonde man smiled, then answered, “I am Cepheus, King of the Celestials. And I have come to claim Earth under my kingdom.”

    “Kill them!” the lead gunman ordered. But with those two words, the tide turned.

    Just to the left of the gunmen, the wall exploded as a giant being smashed through it and charged right through half of the soldiers. When it cleared its path to turn around, everyone got a good look at it.

    This new attacker was as tall as the ram-beast, but it resembled a bull of sorts. Like the others, it had the all-in-all build of a man, but it had the head of a bull with long horns that splayed outward and curved forward. It had a ring through its nose, bulging muscles, and hooves, just like the others. It turned to the other soldiers, then emitted a loud bellow that was almost a roar.

    “EMERGENCY!” the lead gunman said into his comm-link, “Send in the snipers, ASAP!”

    The gunman’s command, however, was for nil. Because with a little “twang” several people fell off the ledge of the prison, all with arrows protruding from their sides.

    “You’ll have to find better snipers.” A voice stated. It had a male tone to it, as well as a clipped British accent. “They breathe so loudly, I could have shot them in the dark…which I did.”

    With the sound of hooves on the move, the gunmen turned to see yet another unknown creature. While it had the upper body of a man with neat, black hair, its lower body was that of a horse. It had four legs and a chocolate-brown body; it was a centaur. Slung over the centaur’s back was a quiver of arrows, and in his hand was a foreign-looking bow with intricate designs carved into its surface. Its edges even looked…blade-like: like a pair of swords.

    The centaur took an arrow from its quiver, then docked it on his bow. He pulled it back as far as it would go, then let the arrow fly. But just as the projectile whistled through the air, it multiplied into five, then ten, then a hundred. The arrows pelted every surviving gunman, save one, and they all fell down, dead.

    “As you can see, we Celestials are the ones destined to rule all.” Cepheus said to the surviving man. He held up his hand, fingers splayed out slightly, and four orbs appeared in his hand, one in each space between his fingers. One orb was blue, one was yellow, one was white, and one was red. “Let this remind you,” Cepheus said, slowly extending his arm to the sky, “Why you once revered the stars.”

    Cepheus released his grip on the orbs and all four raced into the sky in streaks of their respective color. Clouds gathered around the streaks of light, turning the respective color in the process, then four different things fell from the sky to land in different parts of New York City.

    And from each place the objects landed, there came a unique roar.

    (What do you think of the start of Peter Schultz?)

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