Comments on: The Five Page Challenge! http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/ How to write a superhero book, comic book or superhero novel and get it published Sat, 11 Feb 2012 21:26:51 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-124845 B. Mac Sun, 01 May 2011 03:07:21 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-124845 I may do something similar in the future. I may do something similar in the future.

]]> By: cool d http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-124800 cool d Sat, 30 Apr 2011 21:50:25 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-124800 I know it ended, I wanted to know if we were gonna have a contest like this again. I know it ended, I wanted to know if we were gonna have a contest like this again.

]]> By: Gurion Omega http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-124782 Gurion Omega Sat, 30 Apr 2011 19:54:17 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-124782 So we're never gonna have a contest like this again? So we’re never gonna have a contest like this again?

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-124734 B. Mac Sat, 30 Apr 2011 14:19:47 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-124734 This contest ended on July 31, 2009. This contest ended on July 31, 2009.

]]> By: cool d http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-124713 cool d Sat, 30 Apr 2011 10:57:07 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-124713 Is this thing still on Is this thing still on

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-38695 B. Mac Sat, 15 Aug 2009 07:07:28 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-38695 No. It was a contest sort of like National Writing Month-- the prize is the pride of having completed the challenge. (Also, if you're interested in getting published, free advice is usually helpful). No. It was a contest sort of like National Writing Month– the prize is the pride of having completed the challenge. (Also, if you’re interested in getting published, free advice is usually helpful).

]]> By: Deadmanshand http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-38684 Deadmanshand Sat, 15 Aug 2009 05:40:03 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-38684 Was there ever a winner announced on this contest? Was there ever a winner announced on this contest?

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-36603 B. Mac Wed, 22 Jul 2009 04:38:27 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-36603 Sounds good, SVT. I'm looking forward to it. Sounds good, SVT. I’m looking forward to it.

]]> By: S.V.T. http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-36600 S.V.T. Wed, 22 Jul 2009 04:28:23 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-36600 This sounds interesting. When I finish the first chapter, I'll send mine. This sounds interesting. When I finish the first chapter, I’ll send mine.

]]> By: Ragged Boy http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-36534 Ragged Boy Tue, 21 Jul 2009 12:56:41 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-36534 Ugh, I'm so annoyed by the amount of menial mistakes I make. I'm getting there, though. I'd best proofread more often. Overall, I think I did good, though. Hooray, I beat the Five Page Challenge (I think). Wish me luck on my Powerpoint presentation. I've got a chance to win a computer! Ugh, I’m so annoyed by the amount of menial mistakes I make. I’m getting there, though. I’d best proofread more often. Overall, I think I did good, though. Hooray, I beat the Five Page Challenge (I think).

Wish me luck on my Powerpoint presentation. I’ve got a chance to win a computer!

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-36510 B. Mac Tue, 21 Jul 2009 06:47:56 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-36510 --There are some grammatical and wording mistakes. "They to make these as gripping as possible," for example. "The other with a manly one..." -- a manly horn? <br /> --Some of the sentences could probably be shortened. For example, "with what appears to be horns on her head (think ram horns, spiraling to the sides)" could be "with ram-like horns." <br /> --"These are the last of our most, unaware candidates." This is awkward. First, there shouldn't be a comma between an adverb (most) and its adjective (unaware). Second, I suspect that you could show us that these candidates are unaware in a smoother fashion rather than tell us. <br /> --"he's hiding a cards..." singular vs. plural disagreement. <br /> --"Humans display impressive physical potential" -- end this sentence with a period. <br /> --"I disagree, they’re quite compassionate, just look." I'd recommend replacing the comma after compassionate with a period. <br /> --Before you submit this script to an artist, I'd recommend doing a mockup of this page to make sure that you can fit 10 panels in. I suspect that the text will get a bit tight. <br /> --The visuals on page 1 strike me as interesting. <br /> --Period after magnificent. <br /> --"what they are, Aliens." I'd recommend uncapitalizing aliens. <br /> --Page 1 describes the horns. Page 2 says that "we finally see the aliens for what they are, aliens." Do we see the horns on page 1? How do you plan to show the horns without giving away that they're aliens? (Silhouettes and shadows, maybe). <br /> --"Suit up, were set to land in Santa Libra City." Three things. First, apostrophe in we're. Second, I'd recommend replacing "set to land" with "landing." Third, I'd recommend against a three word city name. What would you think about something like San Libre? <br /> "Top right cormer..." --> corner. <br /> --I think "baby mamas" looks more natural with two M's (mamas) rather than three (mammas). <br /> --I'd personally recommend switching "fuck you!" with something a bit less rough, but that's just a target audience issue. For example, if you worked in a violent threat instead, you might go farther with editors that are thinking about whether this could work for readers in the mid-teens. "I'm gonna shank you in the face!" or whatever. (Not that threatening cops seems particularly smart, but I think it'd help show how absolutely messed-up this place is). <br /> --What do the cops look like? If there's no description, the artist might make them look romanticized and heroic (which I think is not quite in-line with what you have in mind). I'd recommend giving the artist a sentence or two of the impression you're trying to make. Personally, I'd recommend something like coldness (to show that there is a need for a hero like Adrian) or hurt/bruised (to show that the police don't have a great handle on the situation). <br /> "This is my second home, not the school, but the theatre." What would you think about getting rid of "not the school"? <br /> Page 4, panel 4 raises camera issues. How could Adrian sit with a script in such a way that his shoes and laces are also on the page? I'd recommend focusing on Adrian at waist-level here and showing his shoes later. PS: Gators fans will approve of the color selection, but I'd recommend consulting closely with your artist about the hues because there's a lot that could go wrong with an unconventional mix like blue-and-orange. <br /> "...is smirking, making a confident expression." What about "smirking confidently" or just "smirking"? <br /> I'd recommend cutting Adrian's middle initial off the notepad. <br /> "I'm going to nail this part." Is this necessary? If he's looking confidently at a script in a theatre, I feel that it should be clear that he's confident he will nail a part. (Sticking up an Auditions sign will help make this clearer). <br /> I love page 5. <br /> Bajillionaire should have a period after it. <br /> SUMMARY QUESTIONS <br /> 1. Is there an interesting main character? In particular, how well has his personality been developed? --Adrian's a very well-developed character but I don't feel like we see all that much of him here. One of the consequences of giving Jim/LT 2 pages is that we will see less of Adrian in the five page sample. (Ahem... he only appears on two of the pages). I'd recommend working him into the side-shots on page 3. Do you think you could at least make the relationship between Jim and LT more heated? <br /> 2. Is something at stake for the main character? Do we care about whether he succeeds? --I want him to get the part. The stakes aren't as high as he thinks they are, but I care. <br /> 3. Does the story feel like it is going somewhere? --I'm kind of intrigued to see how the aliens come into Adrian's life. <br /> 4. Is the story clear and easy to understand? --I suspect that page 1 might throw some people off. For example, we don't really find out what they're "candidates" for. Nor does the synopsis make it clear. <br /> 5. Has the author demonstrated a strong sense of style? --I like the establishing shot of the school. It's an interesting way to show us how messed up the school is. --The daydream is awesome. It shows us a lot about the character and is funny to boot. <br /> 6. If readers could keep reading past page five, would they urgently want to? --Personally, yeah. <br /> 7. If it’s a comic book script, has the writer worked in interesting visuals? --Yeah. I'm especially looking forward to seeing pages 1 and 3. –There are some grammatical and wording mistakes. “They to make these as gripping as possible,” for example. “The other with a manly one…” — a manly horn?

–Some of the sentences could probably be shortened. For example, “with what appears to be horns on her head (think ram horns, spiraling to the sides)” could be “with ram-like horns.”

–”These are the last of our most, unaware candidates.” This is awkward. First, there shouldn’t be a comma between an adverb (most) and its adjective (unaware). Second, I suspect that you could show us that these candidates are unaware in a smoother fashion rather than tell us.

–”he’s hiding a cards…” singular vs. plural disagreement.

–”Humans display impressive physical potential” — end this sentence with a period.

–”I disagree, they’re quite compassionate, just look.” I’d recommend replacing the comma after compassionate with a period.

–Before you submit this script to an artist, I’d recommend doing a mockup of this page to make sure that you can fit 10 panels in. I suspect that the text will get a bit tight.

–The visuals on page 1 strike me as interesting.

–Period after magnificent.

–”what they are, Aliens.” I’d recommend uncapitalizing aliens.

–Page 1 describes the horns. Page 2 says that “we finally see the aliens for what they are, aliens.” Do we see the horns on page 1? How do you plan to show the horns without giving away that they’re aliens? (Silhouettes and shadows, maybe).

–”Suit up, were set to land in Santa Libra City.” Three things. First, apostrophe in we’re. Second, I’d recommend replacing “set to land” with “landing.” Third, I’d recommend against a three word city name. What would you think about something like San Libre?

“Top right cormer…” –> corner.

–I think “baby mamas” looks more natural with two M’s (mamas) rather than three (mammas).

–I’d personally recommend switching “fuck you!” with something a bit less rough, but that’s just a target audience issue. For example, if you worked in a violent threat instead, you might go farther with editors that are thinking about whether this could work for readers in the mid-teens. “I’m gonna shank you in the face!” or whatever. (Not that threatening cops seems particularly smart, but I think it’d help show how absolutely messed-up this place is).

–What do the cops look like? If there’s no description, the artist might make them look romanticized and heroic (which I think is not quite in-line with what you have in mind). I’d recommend giving the artist a sentence or two of the impression you’re trying to make. Personally, I’d recommend something like coldness (to show that there is a need for a hero like Adrian) or hurt/bruised (to show that the police don’t have a great handle on the situation).

“This is my second home, not the school, but the theatre.” What would you think about getting rid of “not the school”?

Page 4, panel 4 raises camera issues. How could Adrian sit with a script in such a way that his shoes and laces are also on the page? I’d recommend focusing on Adrian at waist-level here and showing his shoes later. PS: Gators fans will approve of the color selection, but I’d recommend consulting closely with your artist about the hues because there’s a lot that could go wrong with an unconventional mix like blue-and-orange.

“…is smirking, making a confident expression.” What about “smirking confidently” or just “smirking”?

I’d recommend cutting Adrian’s middle initial off the notepad.

“I’m going to nail this part.” Is this necessary? If he’s looking confidently at a script in a theatre, I feel that it should be clear that he’s confident he will nail a part. (Sticking up an Auditions sign will help make this clearer).

I love page 5.

Bajillionaire should have a period after it.

SUMMARY QUESTIONS

1. Is there an interesting main character? In particular, how well has his personality been developed?
–Adrian’s a very well-developed character but I don’t feel like we see all that much of him here. One of the consequences of giving Jim/LT 2 pages is that we will see less of Adrian in the five page sample. (Ahem… he only appears on two of the pages). I’d recommend working him into the side-shots on page 3. Do you think you could at least make the relationship between Jim and LT more heated?

2. Is something at stake for the main character? Do we care about whether he succeeds?
–I want him to get the part. The stakes aren’t as high as he thinks they are, but I care.

3. Does the story feel like it is going somewhere?
–I’m kind of intrigued to see how the aliens come into Adrian’s life.

4. Is the story clear and easy to understand?
–I suspect that page 1 might throw some people off. For example, we don’t really find out what they’re “candidates” for. Nor does the synopsis make it clear.

5. Has the author demonstrated a strong sense of style?
–I like the establishing shot of the school. It’s an interesting way to show us how messed up the school is.
–The daydream is awesome. It shows us a lot about the character and is funny to boot.

6. If readers could keep reading past page five, would they urgently want to?
–Personally, yeah.

7. If it’s a comic book script, has the writer worked in interesting visuals?
–Yeah. I’m especially looking forward to seeing pages 1 and 3.

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-36498 B. Mac Tue, 21 Jul 2009 03:27:01 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-36498 RB, I just got back today. I think I'll have it done by 5 or 6AM Chicago time on Tuesday. RB, I just got back today. I think I’ll have it done by 5 or 6AM Chicago time on Tuesday.

]]> By: Ragged Boy http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-36340 Ragged Boy Sun, 19 Jul 2009 22:43:01 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-36340 I'd love your review, you guys. I’d love your review, you guys.

]]> By: Deadmanshand http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-36268 Deadmanshand Sun, 19 Jul 2009 02:48:24 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-36268 I'm new here but loving it. Just found out about this contest yesterday and it's not letting me post my entry. SO here is a link directly to my entry. Synopsis: Jon Allen Fader - a sorcerer and scholar - must come of hiding and face the veil he has created. And in doing so face the life he left behind. Target Audience: Not entirely sure but I'm thinking males age 18 - 30. Similar to the Dresden Files crowd in taste. http://deadmanshand-angeluserrare.blogspot.com/2009/07/where-angels-fear-to-tread-revised.html I’m new here but loving it. Just found out about this contest yesterday and it’s not letting me post my entry. SO here is a link directly to my entry.

Synopsis: Jon Allen Fader – a sorcerer and scholar – must come of hiding and face the veil he has created. And in doing so face the life he left behind.

Target Audience: Not entirely sure but I’m thinking males age 18 – 30. Similar to the Dresden Files crowd in taste.

http://deadmanshand-angeluserrare.blogspot.com/2009/07/where-angels-fear-to-tread-revised.html

]]> By: Deadmanshand http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/10/the-five-page-challenge/comment-page-1/#comment-36267 Deadmanshand Sun, 19 Jul 2009 02:41:34 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3916#comment-36267 It's not letting me post my entry It’s not letting me post my entry

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