Comments on: Faraway Soul’s Review Forum http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/ How to write a superhero book, comic book or superhero novel and get it published Sun, 12 Feb 2012 06:23:44 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: YoungAuthor http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-198174 YoungAuthor Mon, 16 Jan 2012 22:21:09 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-198174 i like the idea of power with a serious drawback. it's a very relatively fresh idea. good luck. what would be the drawback to invincibility (like impenatrability)? i like the idea of power with a serious drawback. it’s a very relatively fresh idea. good luck. what would be the drawback to invincibility (like impenatrability)?

]]> By: FarawaySoul http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-41770 FarawaySoul Mon, 21 Sep 2009 10:21:58 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-41770 This doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Hmm... I also want the freedom of changing around the powers of more minor characters, if I must. There is also the concept of "levels" of power in my story, progressing further with experience. This is a really abstract concept, especially to the characters; Maya laughs at the stupidity of the being who granted them powers, saying that their fight is really more like a game; if you really wanted to know which was stronger, good or evil, you don't try to equalize their strengths, which is being done throughout the story, and on a smaller scale, Loren Sutton's power. The levels of power can increase the strength of your ability (Maya's time stop/time powerless ratio, 10 to 1 at level 5), produce an ability to augument your ability (Tsubasa's durability at level 3 augumenting his superstrength), or enhance your body (Gabriel's enhanced reflexes at level 3 helping him use superspeed). Leti has the power to bestow level 2 abilities to Maya's subordinates. He can create 10 of these level 1 humans at a time. Basically, these "superhuman levels" (dubbed this by the gaming nerd Loren Sutton) are another part in which the characters start realizing that this is so much like a game being watched for the entertainment of the unnamed god who supposedly created the world, and was contacted by the two people, Maya and Donovan. One of the reasons Maya is fine with killing innocent people is because she feels that it's just like a game; once she wins, she reasons, she can recreate them all in a better world. The limits of this she becomes painfully aware of when she and Yuuya actually win, actually mentally breaking down. (She finds that she cannot just say "I want everything to become normal again, except that it is a world in which people have no need of evil; she has to actually spend thousands of years redesigning the world. Since she cannot possibly know everything about a person, she has effectively destroyed almost all the world forever, except for the few people she knew very personally (Yuuya, Donovan, Leti, Angelina). Her feeling of guilt over this actually drives her insane to the point which she recreates Yuuya and entrusts him with this task). ---------- Hell, wait a minute. It's like my story is actually lampshading it's author's love of gaming references. ---------- After a big block of text, here is my real topic: what kind of powers could be used effectively in mundane situations? Or powerful abilities that can be controlled to create effects that are useful in real-world situations? For example, Chiya Nakagawa's fire ability could be used to cook, heat to iron clothes, use as a lighter, heat up baths, see in the dark (candle flames), and transfer heat energy elsewhere (if there's an engine somewhere, she could theoretically take in it's energy, go somewhere, and essentially act as an engine). The barrier hero, Reiji, who is a cloudcuckoolander, creates circular barriers around his head (that pass through oxygen) so that he can sleep. He also creates barriers under himself to enable him to levitate (he's lazy), barriers around something else to work like telekinesis, as well as nontransparent ones to enable him to change his clothes... well, just about anywhere. He expresses his insecurity about it, though. I need some kind of power that is versatile enough to be used in everyday situations, yet useful in battle. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/InverseLawOfUtilityAndLethality) Anyways, that's it for now. I gotta go take a shower... This doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Hmm…

I also want the freedom of changing around the powers of more minor characters, if I must.

There is also the concept of “levels” of power in my story, progressing further with experience. This is a really abstract concept, especially to the characters; Maya laughs at the stupidity of the being who granted them powers, saying that their fight is really more like a game; if you really wanted to know which was stronger, good or evil, you don’t try to equalize their strengths, which is being done throughout the story, and on a smaller scale, Loren Sutton’s power.

The levels of power can increase the strength of your ability (Maya’s time stop/time powerless ratio, 10 to 1 at level 5), produce an ability to augument your ability (Tsubasa’s durability at level 3 augumenting his superstrength), or enhance your body (Gabriel’s enhanced reflexes at level 3 helping him use superspeed).

Leti has the power to bestow level 2 abilities to Maya’s subordinates. He can create 10 of these level 1 humans at a time. Basically, these “superhuman levels” (dubbed this by the gaming nerd Loren Sutton) are another part in which the characters start realizing that this is so much like a game being watched for the entertainment of the unnamed god who supposedly created the world, and was contacted by the two people, Maya and Donovan.

One of the reasons Maya is fine with killing innocent people is because she feels that it’s just like a game; once she wins, she reasons, she can recreate them all in a better world. The limits of this she becomes painfully aware of when she and Yuuya actually win, actually mentally breaking down. (She finds that she cannot just say “I want everything to become normal again, except that it is a world in which people have no need of evil; she has to actually spend thousands of years redesigning the world. Since she cannot possibly know everything about a person, she has effectively destroyed almost all the world forever, except for the few people she knew very personally (Yuuya, Donovan, Leti, Angelina). Her feeling of guilt over this actually drives her insane to the point which she recreates Yuuya and entrusts him with this task).

———-

Hell, wait a minute. It’s like my story is actually lampshading it’s author’s love of gaming references.

———-

After a big block of text, here is my real topic: what kind of powers could be used effectively in mundane situations? Or powerful abilities that can be controlled to create effects that are useful in real-world situations?

For example, Chiya Nakagawa’s fire ability could be used to cook, heat to iron clothes, use as a lighter, heat up baths, see in the dark (candle flames), and transfer heat energy elsewhere (if there’s an engine somewhere, she could theoretically take in it’s energy, go somewhere, and essentially act as an engine).

The barrier hero, Reiji, who is a cloudcuckoolander, creates circular barriers around his head (that pass through oxygen) so that he can sleep. He also creates barriers under himself to enable him to levitate (he’s lazy), barriers around something else to work like telekinesis, as well as nontransparent ones to enable him to change his clothes… well, just about anywhere. He expresses his insecurity about it, though.

I need some kind of power that is versatile enough to be used in everyday situations, yet useful in battle.
(http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/InverseLawOfUtilityAndLethality)

Anyways, that’s it for now. I gotta go take a shower…

]]> By: FarawaySoul http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-41641 FarawaySoul Sun, 20 Sep 2009 00:03:51 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-41641 # 2 Name: Hirano Maho Race: Japanese Age: 15 Gender: Female <br /> Power: <b>Instant Healing</b> – The power to heal from any wound within seconds. It works over a period of time; once it has been used, it will almost instantly heal you from any wound (including your brains being blown out). Even after it has been deactivated, it lasts several seconds before it fades. Regeneration is not over-the-top for this, but it is much more physically draining than simply healing. It can be used on others, but restrictions apply: it cannot be used on their whole body, only specific parts; there is a minimum of time to wait if you want to switch targets to heal, and on both, it is physically draining. If there is an object lodged within you as you heal, it will cause incredible amounts of pain and it will only heal around it. If you were shot in the brain, and the bullet was stopped where your brain was, you would most likely die because of... well... a bullet in your brain, because it wouldn't allow you to heal it. <br /> + Traits: Physically tough, intimidating - Traits: Aggressive, tomboyish (negative to her, anyways) <br /> Hair: Black, medium-long length <br /> Intelligence: (4.5) Average or slightly lower. Generally does bad in class studies, and has only average combat intelligence. <br /> Notes: She is the brother of Hirano Tsubasa, #7. More on this relationship, later, when I write down his information. More notes: She dislikes her tomboyish attitude (she talks like a Yankee). Because of this, she wanted to be able to help people around her instead of scaring them (she's unnaturally intimidating). Even more notes: She fights while healing herself every 3 seconds. If she fights while healing herself, it saps her strength but, because of her seemingly tireless nature, she can still keep going for quite a long time. While fighting like this, she is nigh invulnerable unless 1) her limbs are cut off in one blow (regeneration requires more energy), or 2) something is lodged into her body (bullets, for example). <br /> Her most common partner is Hirano Tsubasa, #7. She fights while healing him from the shadows, so that even when his superstrength enhances his power, he can safely punch knowing that his pulverized arm will heal. This partnershipp is often used on combat missions. Her second most common partner is Loren Sutton, #15. She is shown as a "White Mage" with incredible healing powers. Because the competent mooks are reduced to weak, 3 HP mooks, Final-Fantasy Tactics style, they cannot deal enough damage in a turn to <i>ever</i> kill her as long as she heals. This partnership is often used on cleanup missions. Her last partner is Reiji Usui, #6. He creates a barrier around himself, while she is continuously healed. With his barriers, he can also keep her limbs from being cut off or bullets from simply stopping inside her. This partnership is often used on non-stealthy infiltration missions. # 2
Name: Hirano Maho
Race: Japanese
Age: 15
Gender: Female

Power: Instant Healing – The power to heal from any wound within seconds. It works over a period of time; once it has been used, it will almost instantly heal you from any wound (including your brains being blown out). Even after it has been deactivated, it lasts several seconds before it fades.
Regeneration is not over-the-top for this, but it is much more physically draining than simply healing.
It can be used on others, but restrictions apply: it cannot be used on their whole body, only specific parts; there is a minimum of time to wait if you want to switch targets to heal, and on both, it is physically draining.
If there is an object lodged within you as you heal, it will cause incredible amounts of pain and it will only heal around it. If you were shot in the brain, and the bullet was stopped where your brain was, you would most likely die because of… well… a bullet in your brain, because it wouldn’t allow you to heal it.

+ Traits: Physically tough, intimidating
- Traits: Aggressive, tomboyish (negative to her, anyways)

Hair: Black, medium-long length

Intelligence: (4.5) Average or slightly lower. Generally does bad in class studies, and has only average combat intelligence.

Notes: She is the brother of Hirano Tsubasa, #7. More on this relationship, later, when I write down his information.
More notes: She dislikes her tomboyish attitude (she talks like a Yankee). Because of this, she wanted to be able to help people around her instead of scaring them (she’s unnaturally intimidating).
Even more notes: She fights while healing herself every 3 seconds. If she fights while healing herself, it saps her strength but, because of her seemingly tireless nature, she can still keep going for quite a long time. While fighting like this, she is nigh invulnerable unless 1) her limbs are cut off in one blow (regeneration requires more energy), or 2) something is lodged into her body (bullets, for example).

Her most common partner is Hirano Tsubasa, #7. She fights while healing him from the shadows, so that even when his superstrength enhances his power, he can safely punch knowing that his pulverized arm will heal. This partnershipp is often used on combat missions.
Her second most common partner is Loren Sutton, #15. She is shown as a “White Mage” with incredible healing powers. Because the competent mooks are reduced to weak, 3 HP mooks, Final-Fantasy Tactics style, they cannot deal enough damage in a turn to ever kill her as long as she heals. This partnership is often used on cleanup missions.
Her last partner is Reiji Usui, #6. He creates a barrier around himself, while she is continuously healed. With his barriers, he can also keep her limbs from being cut off or bullets from simply stopping inside her. This partnership is often used on non-stealthy infiltration missions.

]]> By: FarawaySoul http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-41474 FarawaySoul Fri, 18 Sep 2009 13:09:01 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-41474 # 2 Name: Chiya Nakagawa Race: Japanese Age: 15 Gender: Female Power: <b>Fire Absorption</b> - This is the power to absorb fire and release it. There is a limit to the amount of fire you can contain at once, and once that limit is exceeded, you will begin burning yourself. It's fairly boring until you see the drawback, which is that you must specify the new intensity and how it can be used the second you absorb it. Suppose you absorb a flamethrower for a few seconds. You can, as you take it in, specify how that particular flame you stored will be used, first setting a trigger (I clap my hands), where it will originate (from my palms), it's intensity (as a blast), and simple commands (it will fire forward for 1 meter and suddenly arc to the left). This cannot be changed for that particular flame you absorbed, ever. Thus, before you start a battle, you need to prepare for all sorts of scenarios, surprise your enemy, and have a good general tactic. + Traits: Independent (she uses the fire ability to cook) - Traits: Unlucky, unattacheable (?) Hair: Black, medium length Intelligence (I should add this): On a scale of 1-10, she would be a 8. She is fairly intelligent, in both normal situations and in battle. She also displays a large amount of common sense. Notes: She is a shy character who could not attach herself to things. By this I mean that she had no ambition, nothing to support her. She was independent, her parents away from home often, and so she learned to cook and otherwise manage the house. But she wished that she could find more in her life other than a dull repetition of every other day. More notes: It was interpreted as to become normal, to find ambition. And she received the powers of fire, most commonly associated with ambition and spirit. She was, in a way, tricked by Donovan's wordplay as everyone else was. Even more notes: She, before battles, often frets over what else she might be missing, what she might need, revising her tactics over and over. She has access to restricted areas, such as boiler rooms, to gain power. She is quite competent in battles, coming up with counters for all sorts of situations. To avoid capture, she has several stages of plans: an intense, quick burst of flame blasting out of her body, and a smaller, weaker but steady flame surrounding her body. Miscellaneous: She's really flexible. ---------- Plot: Donovan is a person that often bends the truth. He got people under the impression that they would receive a wish, whereas they got powers that were similar to the wish. The main point is that all of the characters were somehow different from others - and they all asked to become normal (actually, there are a few exceptions, but they are the strangest of them all, like Levan). They didn't get the wish, instead getting powers that seemed similar to the wish. For example, "I want to be able to see" became the power to see the future. Donovan twisted the words... But they were all people that want to help the world with their powers (except for Yuuya), and so they complied. Some do not even know that they were tricked, while others hypothesize about his intentions. Most of them feel that it was a necessity somehow, while still others think that it doesn't matter too much in front of all their powers they received. More on how this affects the story, next time... ---------- Joke: This is more of a running gag. All the characters seem fully aware that they are in a comic book, utterly destroying the fourth wall. Such as at a meeting: "This is a book written for young audiences, and as such, we will not be able to be killed" "Does that mean we are invincible?" "As long as the author cares, yes" "What if we do something stupid on purpose, or something unexpected happens?" "Umm... I think that you might get killed, yeah. That's an exception" They also often blame events (like bad luck) on the author (me). "Ow, my toe! @#%!& author!" Now, there is one character who will repeatedly lampshade this: Ray Liao, #14. His catchphrase after they break down the fourth wall is "<i>IF</i> this was a comic book, that is!" (all other characters applaud for his lampshading) It gets to a point in which he is known for his lampshading, not for his intellect (which is the highest of the Aquarius). Further, "Alright. We rescued the hostage from Maya's fortress, we didn't meet anyone. There was no resistance. We're almost able to make it out of the place, just through that door" "What's your point?" "I'm saying that if this is like a comic book there's no way we're going to make the last few steps without a disturbance, most likely from Maya herself" *smash* Maya jumps through a window to their left, and instead of a comment, proudly proclaims "<i>IF</i> this was a comic book, that is!" In the next panel, we see Ray suddenly realizing something, standing up rapidly. "What happened? Why'd you stand up?" "I don't know... I felt... a disturbance..." Either that, or I'll have all the other characters (who are nowhere near the place) all start clapping, as they would have for Ray... ---------- Bye # 2
Name: Chiya Nakagawa
Race: Japanese
Age: 15
Gender: Female

Power: Fire Absorption – This is the power to absorb fire and release it. There is a limit to the amount of fire you can contain at once, and once that limit is exceeded, you will begin burning yourself. It’s fairly boring until you see the drawback, which is that you must specify the new intensity and how it can be used the second you absorb it.
Suppose you absorb a flamethrower for a few seconds. You can, as you take it in, specify how that particular flame you stored will be used, first setting a trigger (I clap my hands), where it will originate (from my palms), it’s intensity (as a blast), and simple commands (it will fire forward for 1 meter and suddenly arc to the left). This cannot be changed for that particular flame you absorbed, ever. Thus, before you start a battle, you need to prepare for all sorts of scenarios, surprise your enemy, and have a good general tactic.

+ Traits: Independent (she uses the fire ability to cook)
- Traits: Unlucky, unattacheable (?)

Hair: Black, medium length

Intelligence (I should add this): On a scale of 1-10, she would be a 8. She is fairly intelligent, in both normal situations and in battle. She also displays a large amount of common sense.

Notes: She is a shy character who could not attach herself to things. By this I mean that she had no ambition, nothing to support her. She was independent, her parents away from home often, and so she learned to cook and otherwise manage the house. But she wished that she could find more in her life other than a dull repetition of every other day.

More notes: It was interpreted as to become normal, to find ambition. And she received the powers of fire, most commonly associated with ambition and spirit. She was, in a way, tricked by Donovan’s wordplay as everyone else was.

Even more notes: She, before battles, often frets over what else she might be missing, what she might need, revising her tactics over and over. She has access to restricted areas, such as boiler rooms, to gain power. She is quite competent in battles, coming up with counters for all sorts of situations. To avoid capture, she has several stages of plans: an intense, quick burst of flame blasting out of her body, and a smaller, weaker but steady flame surrounding her body.

Miscellaneous: She’s really flexible.

———-

Plot: Donovan is a person that often bends the truth. He got people under the impression that they would receive a wish, whereas they got powers that were similar to the wish. The main point is that all of the characters were somehow different from others – and they all asked to become normal (actually, there are a few exceptions, but they are the strangest of them all, like Levan).

They didn’t get the wish, instead getting powers that seemed similar to the wish. For example, “I want to be able to see” became the power to see the future. Donovan twisted the words… But they were all people that want to help the world with their powers (except for Yuuya), and so they complied. Some do not even know that they were tricked, while others hypothesize about his intentions. Most of them feel that it was a necessity somehow, while still others think that it doesn’t matter too much in front of all their powers they received.

More on how this affects the story, next time…

———-

Joke: This is more of a running gag. All the characters seem fully aware that they are in a comic book, utterly destroying the fourth wall. Such as at a meeting:

“This is a book written for young audiences, and as such, we will not be able to be killed”
“Does that mean we are invincible?”
“As long as the author cares, yes”
“What if we do something stupid on purpose, or something unexpected happens?”
“Umm… I think that you might get killed, yeah. That’s an exception”

They also often blame events (like bad luck) on the author (me).

“Ow, my toe! @#%!& author!”

Now, there is one character who will repeatedly lampshade this: Ray Liao, #14.

His catchphrase after they break down the fourth wall is “IF this was a comic book, that is!” (all other characters applaud for his lampshading)

It gets to a point in which he is known for his lampshading, not for his intellect (which is the highest of the Aquarius). Further,

“Alright. We rescued the hostage from Maya’s fortress, we didn’t meet anyone. There was no resistance. We’re almost able to make it out of the place, just through that door”

“What’s your point?”

“I’m saying that if this is like a comic book there’s no way we’re going to make the last few steps without a disturbance, most likely from Maya herself”

*smash* Maya jumps through a window to their left, and instead of a comment, proudly proclaims “IF this was a comic book, that is!”

In the next panel, we see Ray suddenly realizing something, standing up rapidly.

“What happened? Why’d you stand up?”

“I don’t know… I felt… a disturbance…”

Either that, or I’ll have all the other characters (who are nowhere near the place) all start clapping, as they would have for Ray…

———-

Bye

]]> By: FarawaySoul http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-41363 FarawaySoul Thu, 17 Sep 2009 09:07:43 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-41363 I've been working a ton on my story lately. Yay for free time. <br /> I designed all my characters (25+ regulars!), basic plots, details, and jokes to be used within the series (I haven't made enough, mind you). <br /> There are 16 characters in Aquarius, 18 including Donovan and Danton. I'm going to be writing them in one by one every day... including a revamp of Maya (Talia), Yuuya (Riley), Nathaniel (Ian), Angelina (Evangeline). <br /> There are then 9 other villains (Maya and Leti being the most important), mafia figures, police, governmental figures, and other NPC-like characters. I won't be writing any of the NPC characters. <br /> What I will be doing is: 1), write in the characters one by one, 2) write jokes to be reviewed, 3) write in new details about the plot and story. Please don't be overwhelmed... <br /> Ah, and these characters are in order of number in the Aquarius, not importance. <br /> ---------- <br /> # 1 Name: Aamir Shakir Race: Indian Age: 12 (youngest) Gender: Male <br /> Power: <b>Future Sight</b> - the power to see into the future from a first-person perspective, similar to an out-of-body experience. The closer you see into the future, the more clear it is, and the time you designated is more accurate. For example, if you look 1 minute into the future, it will happen in exactly a minute, whereas if you specify a week, it may be an hour off, a day off, or even days off target. <br /> + Traits: Calm, mature - Traits: Blind, unfunny <br /> Hair: Black, very short <br /> Notes: He is one of the more mature characters, despite his age. He is blind, and <i>wished</i> (a word trick by Donovan, more on this later) to be able to see. He is a staple of the Aquarius; he can see the future, and thus he is able to see crimes happening, and can send people to stop them. Because of this, he rarely is permitted to enter combat. <br /> More notes: In combat, he uses his future sight to detect and avoid blows. However, he is rarely strong enough to counterattack (being twelve), nor is he fast enough to defend against superhumans or guns. Further, though he can see the future, if the foe has even average reflexes, they can change their attack depending on how he reacts to them. <br /> Even more notes: He also plays the role of the Tsukkomi in the Aquarius. He also frequently comments on things (strangely) that he shouldn't have been able to see, one of the examples being two members of the Aquarius flirting with each other, leading to rather ackward moments. <br /> ---------- Plot material: Yuuya (Riley) is a weapon of the Aquarius. All through his life, he was ignored - not hated, but ignored - by people, because they had trouble communicating with each other. This is because he was a created being - a person whose base is the exact copy of Maya, the main antagonist. More: He was created as an advantage over the opposite side, with his powers coming naturally. He wished to be 'like everyone else', and, whether coincedence or not, he received the same power he naturally had. Moar: Maya was unique over other humans, naturally being able to recognize their personalities, traits, and even what they are likely to do to a given situation simply by observing their actions for a short while. Over time, as he spends time with Maya, he awakens this power to a certain extent, also. This explains why he had trouble being with people, as well as why Maya and him naturally get along. He was created so that Maya, who could not socialize well, would be naturally attracted to his persona - they are the same base person, after all. <br /> Sorry if this is confusing. I'm going to reveal this within the first few chapters after Maya is revealed to be the antagonist, which is actually quite early into the series. <br /> ---------- <br /> I'll write more jokes after I get more in detail into the plot, since they might be rather confusing without knowledge of the characters. <br /> (Maya meets Yuuya. Yuuya knows she is the antagonist) Yuuya: Ah, before we fight. Where's your butler... that evil guy... who calls himself Leti? (Leti is a 40-year-old obviously evil villain, one you would see on a children's TV show. He dresses in black, has spikes, and even has a evil laugh. He exists to run every villain trope possible) Maya: He was... <i>terminated... hehehe.... ahahahaha! (creepy giggling) Yuuya: </i><i><b>Terminated</b></i>? What do you mean, <i>terminated</i>? Maya: Ahahaha... Hehehehe! Ahh... by terminated, I mean... Yuuya: What? What happened? Maya: Do you really want to know? Yuuya: I probably don't, but... no, I don't, but tell me. Maya: Well... by terminated, I mean that his contract expired, and he didn't get rehired. He said he needed a break from being evil, you know, going to meet his family, take a vacation, go to the beach, get a drink... Thanks to that, headquarters has been in a really big mess lately. What a busy day! Yuuya: That's all? Then why were you giggling? In a really creepy way? Maya: That? Oh yeah, I had just made a hilarious joke. Wanna hear? Yuuya: (Thinking: "While you were talking? How!?") (decides not to ask) No thanks, maybe later. <br /> ---------- <br /> Anyways, that's the joke, a part of the plot, and a character. I've got homework to do now, so good night... I mean, bye! I’ve been working a ton on my story lately. Yay for free time.

I designed all my characters (25+ regulars!), basic plots, details, and jokes to be used within the series (I haven’t made enough, mind you).

There are 16 characters in Aquarius, 18 including Donovan and Danton. I’m going to be writing them in one by one every day… including a revamp of Maya (Talia), Yuuya (Riley), Nathaniel (Ian), Angelina (Evangeline).

There are then 9 other villains (Maya and Leti being the most important), mafia figures, police, governmental figures, and other NPC-like characters. I won’t be writing any of the NPC characters.

What I will be doing is: 1), write in the characters one by one, 2) write jokes to be reviewed, 3) write in new details about the plot and story. Please don’t be overwhelmed…

Ah, and these characters are in order of number in the Aquarius, not importance.

———-

# 1
Name: Aamir Shakir
Race: Indian
Age: 12 (youngest)
Gender: Male

Power: Future Sight – the power to see into the future from a first-person perspective, similar to an out-of-body experience. The closer you see into the future, the more clear it is, and the time you designated is more accurate. For example, if you look 1 minute into the future, it will happen in exactly a minute, whereas if you specify a week, it may be an hour off, a day off, or even days off target.

+ Traits: Calm, mature
- Traits: Blind, unfunny

Hair: Black, very short

Notes: He is one of the more mature characters, despite his age. He is blind, and wished (a word trick by Donovan, more on this later) to be able to see. He is a staple of the Aquarius; he can see the future, and thus he is able to see crimes happening, and can send people to stop them. Because of this, he rarely is permitted to enter combat.

More notes: In combat, he uses his future sight to detect and avoid blows. However, he is rarely strong enough to counterattack (being twelve), nor is he fast enough to defend against superhumans or guns. Further, though he can see the future, if the foe has even average reflexes, they can change their attack depending on how he reacts to them.

Even more notes: He also plays the role of the Tsukkomi in the Aquarius. He also frequently comments on things (strangely) that he shouldn’t have been able to see, one of the examples being two members of the Aquarius flirting with each other, leading to rather ackward moments.

———-

Plot material: Yuuya (Riley) is a weapon of the Aquarius. All through his life, he was ignored – not hated, but ignored – by people, because they had trouble communicating with each other. This is because he was a created being – a person whose base is the exact copy of Maya, the main antagonist.
More: He was created as an advantage over the opposite side, with his powers coming naturally. He wished to be ‘like everyone else’, and, whether coincedence or not, he received the same power he naturally had.
Moar: Maya was unique over other humans, naturally being able to recognize their personalities, traits, and even what they are likely to do to a given situation simply by observing their actions for a short while. Over time, as he spends time with Maya, he awakens this power to a certain extent, also.
This explains why he had trouble being with people, as well as why Maya and him naturally get along. He was created so that Maya, who could not socialize well, would be naturally attracted to his persona – they are the same base person, after all.

Sorry if this is confusing. I’m going to reveal this within the first few chapters after Maya is revealed to be the antagonist, which is actually quite early into the series.

———-

I’ll write more jokes after I get more in detail into the plot, since they might be rather confusing without knowledge of the characters.

(Maya meets Yuuya. Yuuya knows she is the antagonist)

Yuuya: Ah, before we fight. Where’s your butler… that evil guy… who calls himself Leti?

(Leti is a 40-year-old obviously evil villain, one you would see on a children’s TV show. He dresses in black, has spikes, and even has a evil laugh. He exists to run every villain trope possible)

Maya: He was… terminated… hehehe…. ahahahaha! (creepy giggling)

Yuuya: Terminated? What do you mean, terminated?

Maya: Ahahaha… Hehehehe! Ahh… by terminated, I mean…

Yuuya: What? What happened?

Maya: Do you really want to know?

Yuuya: I probably don’t, but… no, I don’t, but tell me.

Maya: Well… by terminated, I mean that his contract expired, and he didn’t get rehired. He said he needed a break from being evil, you know, going to meet his family, take a vacation, go to the beach, get a drink… Thanks to that, headquarters has been in a really big mess lately. What a busy day!

Yuuya: That’s all? Then why were you giggling? In a really creepy way?

Maya: That? Oh yeah, I had just made a hilarious joke. Wanna hear?

Yuuya: (Thinking: “While you were talking? How!?”) (decides not to ask) No thanks, maybe later.

———-

Anyways, that’s the joke, a part of the plot, and a character. I’ve got homework to do now, so good night… I mean, bye!

]]> By: FarawaySoul http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-38687 FarawaySoul Sat, 15 Aug 2009 06:02:35 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-38687 The test was done on http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html . I'm listing all the things that make her a Mary Sue (or prevents her, but not as much). Is the character highly attractive without having to work at it? Yes. Not <b>highly</b> attractive, but attractive. Are one or more other characters attracted to her/him? Yes, Riley. Is the character a fashion plate (this applies to any style of dress, from preppie to goth to Western to Elvish, and so on)? Her hobby is roleplaying/cosplaying... Even though it's illogical for the character to dress this way (for monetary reasons, or because it interferes with her/his job)? It's incredibly illogical, but she has money... Is the character of above average intelligence? You bet. Is she/he a genius? Same. Is the character rich or well-to-do, although she/he doesn't work? In a way: she blackmailed, tricked and fought people for money. Did the character run away from home? Yes, and she hated her otherwise normal parents for no apparent reason. Does the character ever freely, willingly, and knowingly worked for the villain/evil regime? She's the <i>leader</i> of the villain regime... Is the character unusually accomplished for her/his age/species/etc.? A 15-year-old genius? Sign her up. Is the character fluent in more than two languages? Yes. 8 languages... Has the character ever fairly lost in any kind of duel, fight, or competition against someone of equal or lesser ability, where the winner was not the character's rival? Yes, against Devon (badass normal sniper), Evangeline, and the police. Does the character have a significant personality flaw (e.g. she/he is a spoiled brat, is horribly judgmental or biased, is irrationally violent, is naive and easily manipulated, etc.)? Gah. Irrationally childish, disinterested, biased towards Riley, sadistic, AND manipulative. She's only sadistic when she's mad, or when she remembers that she's evil, though. Does this flaw persist until the character's death? Yes, except for the childish part: it gets slightly better. Does this flaw get the character in serious trouble (e.g. she/he gets fired, gets killed, gets someone else hurt, etc.)? Riley, she firmly believes that he is immortal and perfect. Or when she remembers she's evil, she's sadistic and it's not a good idea to stay around. Does the character have very little or no empathy for other people? Little to none, though she's nice enough to them, she despises the lesser people. Is the character selfishly manipulative or sadistic (e.g. threatens self-harm, lies, blackmails, etc. in order to get her/his way)? Very, at the end she manipulates Hamster to try to destroy the world. She got her fortune from manipulating the mafia. She does everything it takes to try to recruit Riley. Is the character astonishingly good at something that is not her/his profession? Breaking the fourth wall. Hey, every character in the story is. Does the character have any particular area of study/information/etc. in which she/he is the most knowledgeable or among the most knowledgeable? Yes, human psychology and theology. Has your character been an outlaw or member of organized crime? Yes. She's the leader of them. Has your character been a hero? Yes. As a roleplay. Does your character have time travel? Yes, a limited time stoppage. Does your character have super strength or speed? Yes, but only slightly better than the average 15-year-old. Is your character top of her/his class? Subverted, she's a genius but terrible at everyday intellect. Is the character on a sports team? Is she the star? Yes. Subverted, for a challenge, she never uses her powers. She is incredibly fragile and weak without her superstrength. Does the character talk about anime frequently or have lots of anime clothes, collectibles, etc.? Yes, she's an otaku. Does the character have a pet named after an anime character? Yes, a mouse named Hamutaro. Has everyone significant heard of the character? Duh, she's the main villain in the story. Do all of the important characters end up liking/respecting/fearing her/him? They fear her. Comedically. Did they all like/respect/fear her/him from the beginning? Yup. Kinda like how people fear Darth Vader. Is the character repeatedly rivalled by the same person? Yes, Evangeline and Riley. Does the character reform a villainous character? She accidentally reforms a villain on her side to become good. She also tempts adult heroes to become evil - her own superhumans are recruited in this manner. This probably is about it. She was a 34 on the test. The test was done on http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html . I’m listing all the things that make her a Mary Sue (or prevents her, but not as much).

Is the character highly attractive without having to work at it?
Yes. Not highly attractive, but attractive.

Are one or more other characters attracted to her/him?
Yes, Riley.

Is the character a fashion plate (this applies to any style of dress, from preppie to goth to Western to Elvish, and so on)?
Her hobby is roleplaying/cosplaying…

Even though it’s illogical for the character to dress this way (for monetary reasons, or because it interferes with her/his job)?
It’s incredibly illogical, but she has money…

Is the character of above average intelligence?
You bet.

Is she/he a genius?
Same.

Is the character rich or well-to-do, although she/he doesn’t work?
In a way: she blackmailed, tricked and fought people for money.

Did the character run away from home?
Yes, and she hated her otherwise normal parents for no apparent reason.

Does the character ever freely, willingly, and knowingly worked for the villain/evil regime?
She’s the leader of the villain regime…

Is the character unusually accomplished for her/his age/species/etc.?
A 15-year-old genius? Sign her up.

Is the character fluent in more than two languages?
Yes. 8 languages…

Has the character ever fairly lost in any kind of duel, fight, or competition against someone of equal or lesser ability, where the winner was not the character’s rival?
Yes, against Devon (badass normal sniper), Evangeline, and the police.

Does the character have a significant personality flaw (e.g. she/he is a spoiled brat, is horribly judgmental or biased, is irrationally violent, is naive and easily manipulated, etc.)?
Gah. Irrationally childish, disinterested, biased towards Riley, sadistic, AND manipulative. She’s only sadistic when she’s mad, or when she remembers that she’s evil, though.

Does this flaw persist until the character’s death?
Yes, except for the childish part: it gets slightly better.

Does this flaw get the character in serious trouble (e.g. she/he gets fired, gets killed, gets someone else hurt, etc.)?
Riley, she firmly believes that he is immortal and perfect. Or when she remembers she’s evil, she’s sadistic and it’s not a good idea to stay around.

Does the character have very little or no empathy for other people?
Little to none, though she’s nice enough to them, she despises the lesser people.

Is the character selfishly manipulative or sadistic (e.g. threatens self-harm, lies, blackmails, etc. in order to get her/his way)?
Very, at the end she manipulates Hamster to try to destroy the world. She got her fortune from manipulating the mafia. She does everything it takes to try to recruit Riley.

Is the character astonishingly good at something that is not her/his profession?
Breaking the fourth wall. Hey, every character in the story is.

Does the character have any particular area of study/information/etc. in which she/he is the most knowledgeable or among the most knowledgeable?
Yes, human psychology and theology.

Has your character been an outlaw or member of organized crime?
Yes. She’s the leader of them.

Has your character been a hero?
Yes. As a roleplay.

Does your character have time travel?
Yes, a limited time stoppage.

Does your character have super strength or speed?
Yes, but only slightly better than the average 15-year-old.

Is your character top of her/his class?
Subverted, she’s a genius but terrible at everyday intellect.

Is the character on a sports team? Is she the star?
Yes. Subverted, for a challenge, she never uses her powers. She is incredibly fragile and weak without her superstrength.

Does the character talk about anime frequently or have lots of anime clothes, collectibles, etc.?
Yes, she’s an otaku.

Does the character have a pet named after an anime character?
Yes, a mouse named Hamutaro.

Has everyone significant heard of the character?
Duh, she’s the main villain in the story.

Do all of the important characters end up liking/respecting/fearing her/him?
They fear her. Comedically.

Did they all like/respect/fear her/him from the beginning?
Yup. Kinda like how people fear Darth Vader.

Is the character repeatedly rivalled by the same person?
Yes, Evangeline and Riley.

Does the character reform a villainous character?
She accidentally reforms a villain on her side to become good.
She also tempts adult heroes to become evil – her own superhumans are recruited in this manner.

This probably is about it. She was a 34 on the test.

]]> By: FarawaySoul http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-38678 FarawaySoul Sat, 15 Aug 2009 03:33:53 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-38678 Talia --- Notes: she is my favorite character in the story, and she needs to be changed quite a bit. Since she IS my favorite character, she's in danger of turning into a Mary Sue (even I'm a guy...) As a villain, she should be competent, but... --- <b>Talia Rosalyn Keller</b> Age: 15 Height: Medium Build: Medium - Light Hair: Medium length, Light Brown Eyes: Dark Brown Ability: <b>Blink</b> - the ability to stop time for up to 5 seconds. For the same amount of time she stops time, her power must cool down. <b>Double Strength</b> - an ability that doubles her natural strength. It's not that good, especially for someone who lacks body strength to begin with. Being mediocre, it doesn't have much of a drawback. She uses it just so she can move around and fight slightly better than an ordinary human. Being one of the two "Gamblers", she was able to access several powers, as long as their drawbacks did not cancel each other out. Hamster would have been able to do this, but instead poured his ability points (for lack of a better word) into a better power bestowal. Ugh, it sounds just like an RPG. ---- Positive traits: Genki Girl, genius, confident ( http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GenkiGirl ) Negative traits: Self-assured, bizarre, disinterested She is the main antagonist in the story, the other person that made a bet with a god. She is easily the opposite of Hamster, being cheerful and disinterested in the conflict between good and evil. She is also the source of many of my comic's gags. She doesn't really care about good or evil, but being a genius, she decided that evil has a much better chance of winning altogether. She even forgets that she's on the evil side, going so far as to hiring a comically evil person as her butler and advisor. She likes combat a lot. Cheerfully taking on superheroes, she likes to get close, stop time, dodge their frozen counterattack, and pummel them with double strength. Because her strength isn't too good, she enjoys undergoing this multiple times, showing her rather sadistic side. She only respects the general ability of herself, Hamster, and Riley "because they are somehow alike". The rest she cares little about. Last, she is freaking obsessed with Riley just because she thinks he is similar to her somehow, though she doesn't know how. They just naturally get along well... Many times she offers for him to join her, even telling him that if he joins her side, she'll tell him her last name so he can use her powers. She also has a rather comedic crush on him, going into delusions like this: (Riley being chased by a giant stone ball through a downhill corridor. His powers are of little use, since none of the powers he has memorized have superspeed) (Watching screen) Advisor: Uhm... don't you want him to join us? Talia: Yeah, I do. Advisor: But you're killing him. In a deathtrap. Talia: No, I'm not. Advisor: He's going to die! Shouldn't you stop the trap? Talia: Don't worry, he's immortal. ...anyways. Riley thinks about exploiting her to get her name, possibly get information from them, and escape. He is also told by Hamster that he is "probably the only reason she's going easy on us", and that he should "let her keep thinking that he might join her". For comedy: she really enjoys roleplaying, and is easily influenced by manga and anime she sees. Enough here. I want her to be comedic and cheerful, but how can I keep her from being a gender-bent Mary Sue? Talia

—

Notes: she is my favorite character in the story, and she needs to be changed quite a bit. Since she IS my favorite character, she’s in danger of turning into a Mary Sue (even I’m a guy…)

As a villain, she should be competent, but…

—

Talia Rosalyn Keller

Age: 15
Height: Medium
Build: Medium – Light
Hair: Medium length, Light Brown
Eyes: Dark Brown

Ability: Blink – the ability to stop time for up to 5 seconds. For the same amount of time she stops time, her power must cool down.

Double Strength – an ability that doubles her natural strength. It’s not that good, especially for someone who lacks body strength to begin with. Being mediocre, it doesn’t have much of a drawback. She uses it just so she can move around and fight slightly better than an ordinary human.

Being one of the two “Gamblers”, she was able to access several powers, as long as their drawbacks did not cancel each other out. Hamster would have been able to do this, but instead poured his ability points (for lack of a better word) into a better power bestowal. Ugh, it sounds just like an RPG.

—-

Positive traits: Genki Girl, genius, confident
( http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GenkiGirl )
Negative traits: Self-assured, bizarre, disinterested

She is the main antagonist in the story, the other person that made a bet with a god. She is easily the opposite of Hamster, being cheerful and disinterested in the conflict between good and evil. She is also the source of many of my comic’s gags.

She doesn’t really care about good or evil, but being a genius, she decided that evil has a much better chance of winning altogether. She even forgets that she’s on the evil side, going so far as to hiring a comically evil person as her butler and advisor.

She likes combat a lot. Cheerfully taking on superheroes, she likes to get close, stop time, dodge their frozen counterattack, and pummel them with double strength. Because her strength isn’t too good, she enjoys undergoing this multiple times, showing her rather sadistic side.

She only respects the general ability of herself, Hamster, and Riley “because they are somehow alike”. The rest she cares little about.

Last, she is freaking obsessed with Riley just because she thinks he is similar to her somehow, though she doesn’t know how. They just naturally get along well… Many times she offers for him to join her, even telling him that if he joins her side, she’ll tell him her last name so he can use her powers. She also has a rather comedic crush on him, going into delusions like this:

(Riley being chased by a giant stone ball through a downhill corridor. His powers are of little use, since none of the powers he has memorized have superspeed)

(Watching screen) Advisor: Uhm… don’t you want him to join us?
Talia: Yeah, I do.
Advisor: But you’re killing him. In a deathtrap.
Talia: No, I’m not.
Advisor: He’s going to die! Shouldn’t you stop the trap?
Talia: Don’t worry, he’s immortal.

…anyways. Riley thinks about exploiting her to get her name, possibly get information from them, and escape. He is also told by Hamster that he is “probably the only reason she’s going easy on us”, and that he should “let her keep thinking that he might join her”.

For comedy: she really enjoys roleplaying, and is easily influenced by manga and anime she sees.

Enough here. I want her to be comedic and cheerful, but how can I keep her from being a gender-bent Mary Sue?

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-38558 B. Mac Thu, 13 Aug 2009 19:22:24 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-38558 Cheerful anti-villains... Dr. Impossible (from Soon I Will Be Impossible) and Dr. Horrible come to mind. Maybe Sandman from Spiderman 3. Maybe Team Rocket. Cheerful anti-villains… Dr. Impossible (from Soon I Will Be Impossible) and Dr. Horrible come to mind. Maybe Sandman from Spiderman 3. Maybe Team Rocket.

]]> By: FarawaySoul http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-38537 FarawaySoul Thu, 13 Aug 2009 12:31:26 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-38537 Ugh... sorry to delay yet again. I got home at 10:30, did my homework, and really want to go to sleep. Just after I ask a question, so I could read it in the morning and think about it during the day: do you know any good cheerful, anti-villain antagonists? If so, please tell me... That wasn't 100% a question, but oh well. -FarawaySoul Ugh… sorry to delay yet again. I got home at 10:30, did my homework, and really want to go to sleep.

Just after I ask a question, so I could read it in the morning and think about it during the day: do you know any good cheerful, anti-villain antagonists? If so, please tell me…

That wasn’t 100% a question, but oh well.

-FarawaySoul

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-38515 B. Mac Thu, 13 Aug 2009 05:02:28 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-38515 "And school started. I’m going to have trouble now – this year is going to be incredibly busy…" <br /> Good luck with that. Working hard in school will help provide you with alternatives, if and when you want to try something besides writing/art. (Also, it should go without saying that courses in writing and art are directly useful to prospective writers and illustrators). <br /> I think getting majorly wounded-- like losing the wings-- is probably less likely to spook kids than actually killing him. However, I still get the feeling that there'd be a bit of conflict between a comedy that sounds light-hearted (like making somebody's book go invisible) and a fairly grim, sober look at mortality. This might be problematic because I don't think the two would appeal to the same set of readers. <br /> ... <br /> "Obviously, it’s okay to kill a villain, isn’t it?" I think so. I'm not very familiar with the Japanese publishing industry, but Americans are pretty comfortable with the idea of killing the villain in a story for kids. Sometimes this happens in downright disturbing ways, like a villain of The Incredibles (spoiler) getting sucked into a plane-engine. <br /> So I think you're probably fine on killing off villains. I do, however, have a few tips... --I'd recommend minimizing the hero's role in the death. For example, in The Lion King, the hero knocks the villain onto the edge of a cliff as they fight. Then the hero tries to save him. The villain tries to grab him down and falls in the attempt. So the villain is more responsible for his death than the hero is. In Training Day (spoiler), the corrupt cop is killed by the Russian mafia because the hero has stolen the money he needs to pay them off. In both cases, the hero bests the villain, but it's only the villain's fault that he dies. (Yeah, I know that Training Day is not at all aimed at kids, but I think it's still relevant here). <br /> --In particular, I'd recommend against having a character kill a character that has already been incapacitated or neutralized. That's more like an execution than a real fight. Continuing a fight after it's already over will probably not rub kids the right way. <br /> ... <br /> I agree that un-killing a character (with resurrection or whatever) is very undramatic. <br /> ... <br /> Good luck with your homework. One year in high school, I had 30 hours of summer work for biology. Eww. I vaguely remember a few other assignments, like an essay on the dawn of the modern nation-state in sophomore year, but the biology was absolutely killer. “And school started. I’m going to have trouble now – this year is going to be incredibly busy…”

Good luck with that. Working hard in school will help provide you with alternatives, if and when you want to try something besides writing/art. (Also, it should go without saying that courses in writing and art are directly useful to prospective writers and illustrators).

I think getting majorly wounded– like losing the wings– is probably less likely to spook kids than actually killing him. However, I still get the feeling that there’d be a bit of conflict between a comedy that sounds light-hearted (like making somebody’s book go invisible) and a fairly grim, sober look at mortality. This might be problematic because I don’t think the two would appeal to the same set of readers.

…

“Obviously, it’s okay to kill a villain, isn’t it?” I think so. I’m not very familiar with the Japanese publishing industry, but Americans are pretty comfortable with the idea of killing the villain in a story for kids. Sometimes this happens in downright disturbing ways, like a villain of The Incredibles (spoiler) getting sucked into a plane-engine.

So I think you’re probably fine on killing off villains. I do, however, have a few tips…
–I’d recommend minimizing the hero’s role in the death. For example, in The Lion King, the hero knocks the villain onto the edge of a cliff as they fight. Then the hero tries to save him. The villain tries to grab him down and falls in the attempt. So the villain is more responsible for his death than the hero is. In Training Day (spoiler), the corrupt cop is killed by the Russian mafia because the hero has stolen the money he needs to pay them off. In both cases, the hero bests the villain, but it’s only the villain’s fault that he dies. (Yeah, I know that Training Day is not at all aimed at kids, but I think it’s still relevant here).

–In particular, I’d recommend against having a character kill a character that has already been incapacitated or neutralized. That’s more like an execution than a real fight. Continuing a fight after it’s already over will probably not rub kids the right way.

…

I agree that un-killing a character (with resurrection or whatever) is very undramatic.

…

Good luck with your homework. One year in high school, I had 30 hours of summer work for biology. Eww. I vaguely remember a few other assignments, like an essay on the dawn of the modern nation-state in sophomore year, but the biology was absolutely killer.

]]> By: FarawaySoul http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-38514 FarawaySoul Thu, 13 Aug 2009 04:20:09 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-38514 That's fine then. I still need to brush up on my drawing for another 4 years. ... And school started. I'm going to have trouble now - this year is going to be incredibly busy... ... Haha, mooks are never competent in any superhero stories. Never. 3 mooks with machineguns will never take Spiderman down. Nor willl they scratch Batman or any other superhero. If a named villain had a machinegun, they... er... wouldn't hit, but would at least be good enough to pose a threat to the hero. ... You're right, I planned on deaths for the book, but I'm not sure for the manga. I will have Ian get shot in the wings, losing them, but he probably won't leave Aquarius - enhanced speed, agility, and razor claws are still valuable. I can't think of any comedies that kill their characters. Or they may die, but be ressurected or somehow not actually dead. I don't like that - it ruins the drama - but my story is a comedy, after all... Obviously, it's okay to kill a villain, isn't it? ... About my English... I studied it to be able to talk to a good friend of mine. She's Canadian/Japanese, but speaks English better, so I wanted to talk to her. I started studying when I was 4... I think. I got pretty good at it, and I took on her style of speech (which is how I'm writing now). ... Sorry, I've got a lot of homework to finish (on the first day of school, no less!), AND a entry test. I'll write in a character idea to be reviewed in a few hours. The character is Talia. ... In other news, my birthday is in one week! That’s fine then. I still need to brush up on my drawing for another 4 years.

…

And school started. I’m going to have trouble now – this year is going to be incredibly busy…

…

Haha, mooks are never competent in any superhero stories. Never.

3 mooks with machineguns will never take Spiderman down. Nor willl they scratch Batman or any other superhero. If a named villain had a machinegun, they… er… wouldn’t hit, but would at least be good enough to pose a threat to the hero.

…

You’re right, I planned on deaths for the book, but I’m not sure for the manga. I will have Ian get shot in the wings, losing them, but he probably won’t leave Aquarius – enhanced speed, agility, and razor claws are still valuable.

I can’t think of any comedies that kill their characters. Or they may die, but be ressurected or somehow not actually dead. I don’t like that – it ruins the drama – but my story is a comedy, after all…

Obviously, it’s okay to kill a villain, isn’t it?

…

About my English… I studied it to be able to talk to a good friend of mine. She’s Canadian/Japanese, but speaks English better, so I wanted to talk to her. I started studying when I was 4… I think. I got pretty good at it, and I took on her style of speech (which is how I’m writing now).

…

Sorry, I’ve got a lot of homework to finish (on the first day of school, no less!), AND a entry test.

I’ll write in a character idea to be reviewed in a few hours. The character is Talia.

…

In other news, my birthday is in one week!

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-38328 B. Mac Tue, 11 Aug 2009 04:46:27 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-38328 Hmm. 14. I'm not familiar with the Japanese publishing industry. However, in the United States, I think that it'd be very hard for a minor to get published. (For one thing, I think the publisher would run afoul of child-labor laws). Maybe more substantially, I suspect that publishers would be leery about working with someone so young because the presumption is that young writers are not as well-polished as their older peers. <br /> Unless you're familiar with a few cases where someone that young has been published by a Japanese company, I'd recommend planning around the assumption that it probably won't happen before you're 18. (That's not as bad as it probably sounds. Oftentimes, it takes years to get a story ready for publication anyway, so you quite a lot of work to do in the meantime). <br /> I haven't seen your art yet and have no idea how good you are. I would really recommend practicing that and taking as many years as possible of the most serious training available to you. I think that publishers are generally much more deferential to artists than writers because it is so much easier to evaluate an artist's work at a glance than a writer's. If you develop your art skills to a professional level, I think that it will open a lot of doors when you start looking for work. <br /> "I think that in Japan, the authors have assistants that help with the shading and toning." I've heard that as well. <br /> ... <br /> I like the idea of mooks being trained to be more competent. Here's a trick that might make for an interesting plot arc. Talia sends mooks out to accomplish some mission. They fail the first time. The next night, she has them try the same mission, but this time they're prepared for what the heroes did the night before. Over the course of 2-3 nights, Talia and the mooks learn so much about the team they're fighting against that the heroes have to mix things up to stay unpredictable. <br /> ... <br /> If the book is an action-comedy for readers aged 10-15, I'm not really sure whether death will fit the mood. (In the US, I'm pretty confident it would not work). I'd recommend following the lead of comedies and action-comedies that have been published for young audiences in Japan. Do they kill characters? If you can come up with two or three comparable works that kill characters, I think it'd be okay. <br /> If you do end up killing characters in a book aimed at readers aged 10-15, I have a few tips. ----I'd recommend killing older teens rather than younger ones. The readers that relate to a 17 year-old character are probably going to be ~15, but I'd expect that the readers that grow most attached to a 12 year-old character will probably be around 10. I think that teen readers will be more emotionally ready to lose a character they really like. --Keep the gore to a minimum. I would also recommend having the character die outside of battle. For example, the character might be mortally wounded in a fight, but he dies peacefully in a hospital later on. I think that it'll be easier for readers to stomach the death if it happens outside of the battle. --I recommend against killing characters that are light-hearted, funny, cute or particularly likable. --It might be easier for readers to take if you kill relatively minor characters rather than major ones. Killing major characters has a strong impact on the mood. --I'd recommend being very sparing with death. <br /> Good luck! <br /> PS: Your English is startlingly good. When I went to Nagoya, I didn't find very many people that could speak with me in English. If you don't mind me asking, where'd you pick it up? Hmm. 14. I’m not familiar with the Japanese publishing industry. However, in the United States, I think that it’d be very hard for a minor to get published. (For one thing, I think the publisher would run afoul of child-labor laws). Maybe more substantially, I suspect that publishers would be leery about working with someone so young because the presumption is that young writers are not as well-polished as their older peers.

Unless you’re familiar with a few cases where someone that young has been published by a Japanese company, I’d recommend planning around the assumption that it probably won’t happen before you’re 18. (That’s not as bad as it probably sounds. Oftentimes, it takes years to get a story ready for publication anyway, so you quite a lot of work to do in the meantime).

I haven’t seen your art yet and have no idea how good you are. I would really recommend practicing that and taking as many years as possible of the most serious training available to you. I think that publishers are generally much more deferential to artists than writers because it is so much easier to evaluate an artist’s work at a glance than a writer’s. If you develop your art skills to a professional level, I think that it will open a lot of doors when you start looking for work.

“I think that in Japan, the authors have assistants that help with the shading and toning.” I’ve heard that as well.

…

I like the idea of mooks being trained to be more competent. Here’s a trick that might make for an interesting plot arc. Talia sends mooks out to accomplish some mission. They fail the first time. The next night, she has them try the same mission, but this time they’re prepared for what the heroes did the night before. Over the course of 2-3 nights, Talia and the mooks learn so much about the team they’re fighting against that the heroes have to mix things up to stay unpredictable.

…

If the book is an action-comedy for readers aged 10-15, I’m not really sure whether death will fit the mood. (In the US, I’m pretty confident it would not work). I’d recommend following the lead of comedies and action-comedies that have been published for young audiences in Japan. Do they kill characters? If you can come up with two or three comparable works that kill characters, I think it’d be okay.

If you do end up killing characters in a book aimed at readers aged 10-15, I have a few tips.
—-I’d recommend killing older teens rather than younger ones. The readers that relate to a 17 year-old character are probably going to be ~15, but I’d expect that the readers that grow most attached to a 12 year-old character will probably be around 10. I think that teen readers will be more emotionally ready to lose a character they really like.
–Keep the gore to a minimum. I would also recommend having the character die outside of battle. For example, the character might be mortally wounded in a fight, but he dies peacefully in a hospital later on. I think that it’ll be easier for readers to stomach the death if it happens outside of the battle.
–I recommend against killing characters that are light-hearted, funny, cute or particularly likable.
–It might be easier for readers to take if you kill relatively minor characters rather than major ones. Killing major characters has a strong impact on the mood.
–I’d recommend being very sparing with death.

Good luck!

PS: Your English is startlingly good. When I went to Nagoya, I didn’t find very many people that could speak with me in English. If you don’t mind me asking, where’d you pick it up?

]]> By: FarawaySoul http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-38317 FarawaySoul Tue, 11 Aug 2009 02:15:22 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-38317 Ah, thank you for not getting mad :3 Yes, I'm trying to write a manga for Japan. Of course, I'm not sure how old I need to be to get it published - I'm turning 14 in a month. Then again, I might not be ready yet to draw competent enough art. So I guess if I can't publish it, this would be a good practice, anyway... --- Thank you for liking the action/comedy angle! --- I think that in Japan, the authors have assistants that help with the shading and toning. I don't. Let's see, where can I get one? Maybe I could drag my brother into this... --- To be practical, if you want to solve the world's problems, you're going to need quite a few people on your side. Then again, the basic idea of Aquarius could be to focus on several cities, especially gangs. Through this, they can create publicity and trust, afterwards moving on to smaller problems. I think I could start Aquarius with 16 kids. Not all have to be developed right away - first I start with 2, then 5, then keep expanding. The main author who has and is writing well with 30+ regulars, introduced right off the bat in the story, is the author of Negima!. I don't like fanservice, which the author is famous for, but he can develop characters very well. The setting is a school class with 31 students. A problem with the story is that I'm trying to make general mook-figures competent. Every mook fight the heroes have, the fight is secretly filmed and analyzed by Talia, the main antagonist. She comes up with inventive ways to exploit their powers, with each mook informed about their role in the fight and the tactics. And the heroes can die. After all, most of the heroes are mortal (and if they are durable, not by much). This is serious in a comedy/action story. How do you think I can make this doable? --- Yes, my readers are 10-15. You must be psychic :D --- Okay, I will not tell my publishers that it was a dream. And, I don't [i]need[/i] to use the nickname Angel. But I suck at picking names... hm. --- The large part of the plot will focus on "missions", or several-day-long travels to a certain area where they will try to prevent something such as a mass murder from happening. However, there is the occurance of superhuman criminals - many of them, in fact. After these fights end, resulting in collateral damage to cities, people are distrusting of superhumans because they could, if they felt like it, do whatever they want to. --- Thank you for your help! -FarawaySoul Ah, thank you for not getting mad :3

Yes, I’m trying to write a manga for Japan. Of course, I’m not sure how old I need to be to get it published – I’m turning 14 in a month.

Then again, I might not be ready yet to draw competent enough art. So I guess if I can’t publish it, this would be a good practice, anyway…

—

Thank you for liking the action/comedy angle!

—

I think that in Japan, the authors have assistants that help with the shading and toning. I don’t. Let’s see, where can I get one? Maybe I could drag my brother into this…

—

To be practical, if you want to solve the world’s problems, you’re going to need quite a few people on your side. Then again, the basic idea of Aquarius could be to focus on several cities, especially gangs. Through this, they can create publicity and trust, afterwards moving on to smaller problems.

I think I could start Aquarius with 16 kids. Not all have to be developed right away – first I start with 2, then 5, then keep expanding.

The main author who has and is writing well with 30+ regulars, introduced right off the bat in the story, is the author of Negima!. I don’t like fanservice, which the author is famous for, but he can develop characters very well. The setting is a school class with 31 students.

A problem with the story is that I’m trying to make general mook-figures competent. Every mook fight the heroes have, the fight is secretly filmed and analyzed by Talia, the main antagonist. She comes up with inventive ways to exploit their powers, with each mook informed about their role in the fight and the tactics.

And the heroes can die. After all, most of the heroes are mortal (and if they are durable, not by much). This is serious in a comedy/action story. How do you think I can make this doable?

—

Yes, my readers are 10-15. You must be psychic :D

—

Okay, I will not tell my publishers that it was a dream. And, I don’t [i]need[/i] to use the nickname Angel. But I suck at picking names… hm.

—

The large part of the plot will focus on “missions”, or several-day-long travels to a certain area where they will try to prevent something such as a mass murder from happening. However, there is the occurance of superhuman criminals – many of them, in fact. After these fights end, resulting in collateral damage to cities, people are distrusting of superhumans because they could, if they felt like it, do whatever they want to.

—

Thank you for your help!

-FarawaySoul

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-38248 B. Mac Mon, 10 Aug 2009 05:21:33 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-38248 I don't mind that you haven't posted here. It sounds like you've been developing the story, so it's not like you've wasted that time. <br /> It doesn't sound like you're lazy. However, a lot of writers do suffer from perfectionism, which can scare them away from writing. If you think that's a problem for you, I would recommend sitting down each day until you've written at least a page. (Also, please see our <a href=http://www.superheronation.com/2009/04/24/writing-tips-of-the-day-how-to-beat-writers-block/ rel="nofollow">article on writer's block here</a>). <br /> "I'm trying to write a manga now. A manga, not a comic book, for Japan." Hmm, just to clarify. You're trying to write a manga for Japan? With a Japanese-language publisher? (Or is it a manga aimed at a Western audience?) <br /> ... <br /> I like the goofy action/comedy angle. I think that younger readers will be able to relate to characters that aren't 100% job-oriented. <br /> One piece of advice I've heard-- and please feel free to take it or not-- is that it's often best for prospective comics creators to focus on either the art or writing because it's so rare for someone to be professional-grade at both. I don't know whether that applies to manga or not, though. Do manga companies do a lot of work with sole artists/writers? <br /> "I have planned 32 teenagers as the members of Aquarius." I am dimly aware that a few manga series have huge casts-- Bleach, for example. However, I'm under the impression that manga series generally start with a fairly manageable cast and gradually add on characters over time. I don't think it would be a problem if a series grew to include 32 teammates over the course of years and thousands of pages. However, the impression I get from <a href=http://www.tokyopop.com/Submissions/gopro/286656.html rel="nofollow">Tokyopop's submissions page</a> is that they'll be evaluating your submission based on your outline of what will happen in 3 160 page graphic novels (with small pages). In ~500 pages, I suspect it would be more practical to focus on 10, maybe as many as 15 characters. I would not recommend going drastically above that unless you can find several examples of manga that quickly reached such a large cast-size. (I assume that your cast will include non-Aquarius members as well, like maybe a few teachers and villains). <br /> Based on the age of your characters, I'd intuit that your target readers are aged about 10-15 (a few years younger than the characters). Does that sound about right? <br /> I would generally recommend against mentioning to publishers or editors that the main inspiration for this is what you saw in a dream. It might raise authorial distance issues. I think they'd prefer authors that are driven by considerations of what will be most effective for readers. Angel might be a highly effective name for this character. But I'd recommend deciding that based on whether its sound and style work for the character and whether the name helps develop the character, not whether it's true to your dream. <br /> ... <br /> This mostly feels doable. I like the underlying concept. And being your own artist removes most of the financial liability for you in case the project goes pear-shaped. (In contrast, if I walk away from my comic book project after getting 5 pages illustrated and colored by a freelancer, I'm out $300-$500). <br /> However, I think that a first-time author might have trouble with a sprawling cast. I fear that you will face such pressure on you to quickly introduce 30+ characters that you won't have the time or space to develop characters that will excite publishers and readers. <br /> Nor do I feel that there is a really important reason to introduce that many characters (as far as I can tell, so far). For example, why not a group of (say) 16 or 12 students? (12 would make a tournament a bit trickier, but a lot of tournaments get around irregular numbers by just giving the top-ranked members a bye in the first round). I don’t mind that you haven’t posted here. It sounds like you’ve been developing the story, so it’s not like you’ve wasted that time.

It doesn’t sound like you’re lazy. However, a lot of writers do suffer from perfectionism, which can scare them away from writing. If you think that’s a problem for you, I would recommend sitting down each day until you’ve written at least a page. (Also, please see our article on writer’s block here).

“I’m trying to write a manga now. A manga, not a comic book, for Japan.” Hmm, just to clarify. You’re trying to write a manga for Japan? With a Japanese-language publisher? (Or is it a manga aimed at a Western audience?)

…

I like the goofy action/comedy angle. I think that younger readers will be able to relate to characters that aren’t 100% job-oriented.

One piece of advice I’ve heard– and please feel free to take it or not– is that it’s often best for prospective comics creators to focus on either the art or writing because it’s so rare for someone to be professional-grade at both. I don’t know whether that applies to manga or not, though. Do manga companies do a lot of work with sole artists/writers?

“I have planned 32 teenagers as the members of Aquarius.” I am dimly aware that a few manga series have huge casts– Bleach, for example. However, I’m under the impression that manga series generally start with a fairly manageable cast and gradually add on characters over time. I don’t think it would be a problem if a series grew to include 32 teammates over the course of years and thousands of pages. However, the impression I get from Tokyopop’s submissions page is that they’ll be evaluating your submission based on your outline of what will happen in 3 160 page graphic novels (with small pages). In ~500 pages, I suspect it would be more practical to focus on 10, maybe as many as 15 characters. I would not recommend going drastically above that unless you can find several examples of manga that quickly reached such a large cast-size. (I assume that your cast will include non-Aquarius members as well, like maybe a few teachers and villains).

Based on the age of your characters, I’d intuit that your target readers are aged about 10-15 (a few years younger than the characters). Does that sound about right?

I would generally recommend against mentioning to publishers or editors that the main inspiration for this is what you saw in a dream. It might raise authorial distance issues. I think they’d prefer authors that are driven by considerations of what will be most effective for readers. Angel might be a highly effective name for this character. But I’d recommend deciding that based on whether its sound and style work for the character and whether the name helps develop the character, not whether it’s true to your dream.

…

This mostly feels doable. I like the underlying concept. And being your own artist removes most of the financial liability for you in case the project goes pear-shaped. (In contrast, if I walk away from my comic book project after getting 5 pages illustrated and colored by a freelancer, I’m out $300-$500).

However, I think that a first-time author might have trouble with a sprawling cast. I fear that you will face such pressure on you to quickly introduce 30+ characters that you won’t have the time or space to develop characters that will excite publishers and readers.

Nor do I feel that there is a really important reason to introduce that many characters (as far as I can tell, so far). For example, why not a group of (say) 16 or 12 students? (12 would make a tournament a bit trickier, but a lot of tournaments get around irregular numbers by just giving the top-ranked members a bye in the first round).

]]> By: FarawaySoul http://www.superheronation.com/2009/07/01/faraway-souls-review-forum/comment-page-1/#comment-38243 FarawaySoul Mon, 10 Aug 2009 03:05:38 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=3969#comment-38243 ... Sorry. I'm really, really sorry I haven't posted at all in two weeks. It's hard to explain why... I don't even know why myself. Am I just lazy? I don't want to think that, but I'll have to get over it to write my book. ... What's been happening about my story: I've changed the book drastically. Basically, I'm trying to write a manga now. A manga, not a comic book, for Japan. It's going to be a superhero action/comedy story, with a slight focus on romance. One thing I'd like to say is that if you give a bunch of teenagers superpowers and stick them together in a superhuman headquarters facility, they are going to be using it for purposes the powers are not intended for (turning someone's book page invisible, pulling out someone's belt buckle with magnetism, turning invisible and tickling someone... the things teenagers would think of if they have superpowers). Emphasis on comedy. ---------- My manga is most influenced by Hayate the Combat Butler, Mx0, and Negima!. I have some experience drawing manga, albeit only for a year of art classes. I can draw characters well, especially anatomy. My faces are average or a little less T_T Ah, and I have access to a scanner and photoshop. No electronic drawing systems though... ---------- I have planned 32 teenagers as the members of Aquarius. Each have different, unique powers, most being able to be used in funny, creative ways. The characters are also unique from each other, and probably most are not exactly normal. The reason I chose 32 was 1) superhumans fight in groups of two, usually; 2) they prevent events in the future, such as mass murders, from happening and so we need above-average amounts of members, and 3) it would be easy to plan a tournament with 32 members... If anyone thinks that is a blatant ripoff of [i]Negima![/i], which has 31, say so and I'll change it somehow. The youngest member is 12, with the oldest being 17. ---------- All information above still stands, except for Evangeline's name. After I learned about Negima!'s Evangeline... Evangeline will be called Angeline, or Angela... The reason I'm fixating on this is because the person in my dream (the main character in the story) always called her Angel as a nickname. I never found out what her real name was. She looked more like a pessimistic recluse than an angel. And Riley's name. It's horribly hard to say in Japanese. Rairii... ugh... He'll be called Takaya Yuuya, but since it's hard to say on this site then, let's all just call him Riley here. ---------- What I need help on now is character concepting 20+ characters. This is going to take up a lot of space I'll bet... 34 character bios? Sorry to trouble you... I'll also upload my concept art. --------- Oh, and does anyone think making a comic book is a bad idea for me? -FarawaySoul... who is feeling bad asking favors after suddenly returning two weeks later. …

Sorry. I’m really, really sorry I haven’t posted at all in two weeks.

It’s hard to explain why… I don’t even know why myself. Am I just lazy? I don’t want to think that, but I’ll have to get over it to write my book.

…

What’s been happening about my story: I’ve changed the book drastically. Basically, I’m trying to write a manga now. A manga, not a comic book, for Japan.

It’s going to be a superhero action/comedy story, with a slight focus on romance. One thing I’d like to say is that if you give a bunch of teenagers superpowers and stick them together in a superhuman headquarters facility, they are going to be using it for purposes the powers are not intended for (turning someone’s book page invisible, pulling out someone’s belt buckle with magnetism, turning invisible and tickling someone… the things teenagers would think of if they have superpowers).

Emphasis on comedy.

———-

My manga is most influenced by Hayate the Combat Butler, Mx0, and Negima!. I have some experience drawing manga, albeit only for a year of art classes. I can draw characters well, especially anatomy. My faces are average or a little less T_T

Ah, and I have access to a scanner and photoshop. No electronic drawing systems though…

———-

I have planned 32 teenagers as the members of Aquarius. Each have different, unique powers, most being able to be used in funny, creative ways. The characters are also unique from each other, and probably most are not exactly normal.

The reason I chose 32 was 1) superhumans fight in groups of two, usually; 2) they prevent events in the future, such as mass murders, from happening and so we need above-average amounts of members, and 3) it would be easy to plan a tournament with 32 members…

If anyone thinks that is a blatant ripoff of [i]Negima![/i], which has 31, say so and I’ll change it somehow.

The youngest member is 12, with the oldest being 17.

———-

All information above still stands, except for Evangeline’s name. After I learned about Negima!’s Evangeline… Evangeline will be called Angeline, or Angela…

The reason I’m fixating on this is because the person in my dream (the main character in the story) always called her Angel as a nickname. I never found out what her real name was. She looked more like a pessimistic recluse than an angel.

And Riley’s name. It’s horribly hard to say in Japanese. Rairii… ugh… He’ll be called Takaya Yuuya, but since it’s hard to say on this site then, let’s all just call him Riley here.

———-

What I need help on now is character concepting 20+ characters. This is going to take up a lot of space I’ll bet… 34 character bios? Sorry to trouble you…

I’ll also upload my concept art.

———

Oh, and does anyone think making a comic book is a bad idea for me?

-FarawaySoul… who is feeling bad asking favors after suddenly returning two weeks later.

]]>