Comments on: Writing Tip: Start Your Story As Everything Goes Wrong http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/ Writing advice for superhero, fantasy & sci-fi authors Mon, 15 Mar 2010 19:15:06 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Ribbit http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-44826 Ribbit Sun, 25 Oct 2009 19:51:08 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-44826 I did consider shifting the scene to her writing the letter, and I think it would work better that way. Plus, it is actually about emotional catharsis rather than communication- sane girl here. Would it be more interesting perhaps to start at her father's funeral? I thought about using that to also introduce another main character with them meeting there and talking. I did consider shifting the scene to her writing the letter, and I think it would work better that way. Plus, it is actually about emotional catharsis rather than communication- sane girl here.
Would it be more interesting perhaps to start at her father’s funeral? I thought about using that to also introduce another main character with them meeting there and talking.

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-44815 B. Mac Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:05:34 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-44815 Yeah, I'd recommend looking into possible alternatives. I'm sort of concerned that the letter will come off as an infodump because it seems that it's more focused on backstory and setting us up for what <i>will</i> happen rather than, say, developing the character in a way that makes her and her goals interesting. <br /> Nothing happens in a letter. What is happening <i>now</i>? Why did you start the story at this particular point in time rather than, say, immediately before or after the father's death? <br /> I suspect that the letter would also tend to tell rather than show. Because there aren't any physical cues (like body language), you'd probably need to have her narrate any feelings, which is sort of cheesy. (You could somewhat fix that by shifting the scene to her writing the letter, allowing you to work in body language). Finally, if you go with the letter, I'd recommend suggesting that she's not actually interested in communicating with her father and that this is an emotional catharsis (or whatever). Otherwise, it may be a "what the hell?" moment for readers and probably not in a good way. Yeah, I’d recommend looking into possible alternatives. I’m sort of concerned that the letter will come off as an infodump because it seems that it’s more focused on backstory and setting us up for what will happen rather than, say, developing the character in a way that makes her and her goals interesting.

Nothing happens in a letter. What is happening now? Why did you start the story at this particular point in time rather than, say, immediately before or after the father’s death?

I suspect that the letter would also tend to tell rather than show. Because there aren’t any physical cues (like body language), you’d probably need to have her narrate any feelings, which is sort of cheesy. (You could somewhat fix that by shifting the scene to her writing the letter, allowing you to work in body language). Finally, if you go with the letter, I’d recommend suggesting that she’s not actually interested in communicating with her father and that this is an emotional catharsis (or whatever). Otherwise, it may be a “what the hell?” moment for readers and probably not in a good way.

]]> By: Ribbit http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-44811 Ribbit Sun, 25 Oct 2009 15:17:37 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-44811 (thoughtful) Prologues are bad? I tend to use them to set the scene and ease the reader into the world (seeing as my stories tend to be somewhat unusual.) For example, the prologue for the story I'm mulling over right now is a letter written from the main character to her father. It sets up that she and her family have superhuman talents, establishes that they have a feud going with another family, and mentions that the town she lives in is a bit weird. The casual final line tells us she's actually writing a letter to a dead man, as her father was killed in a car crash a few months ago, and serves as a hook into the meat of the story. Should I reconsider this? (thoughtful) Prologues are bad?
I tend to use them to set the scene and ease the reader into the world (seeing as my stories tend to be somewhat unusual.) For example, the prologue for the story I’m mulling over right now is a letter written from the main character to her father. It sets up that she and her family have superhuman talents, establishes that they have a feud going with another family, and mentions that the town she lives in is a bit weird. The casual final line tells us she’s actually writing a letter to a dead man, as her father was killed in a car crash a few months ago, and serves as a hook into the meat of the story.
Should I reconsider this?

]]> By: Ragged Boy http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-30026 Ragged Boy Wed, 27 May 2009 20:43:58 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-30026 Fair enough. In that case I think this is a good base from which you can start to build. Fair enough. In that case I think this is a good base from which you can start to build.

]]> By: Mack http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-30025 Mack Wed, 27 May 2009 20:40:43 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-30025 Ragged Boy, this is just the base. I will do those things, but I am just using this to know if this is a good base. <br /> Second off, the review forums are just plain out horrible to me. Ragged Boy, this is just the base. I will do those things, but I am just using this to know if this is a good base.

Second off, the review forums are just plain out horrible to me.

]]> By: Ragged Boy http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-30023 Ragged Boy Wed, 27 May 2009 20:14:48 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-30023 Is this a prologue? Honestly, I'm not feeling it that much. This feels more like an origin story and it's handled at a flitty and throw-away pace. I'd strongly recommend slowing down and expanding. You could probably stretch this to about 1 and half pages. I'd recommend adding scenery (deeper than a vague description), more body language, dialogue, pacing, and character development. "Where he saw that S.S.S’s face. He knew it was him from a flashback he had. " I'd recommend replacing flashback with something like a memory. Technically, I don't think a person can have a flashback. Alternatively, you could remove the second sentence. -I'd replaced the S.S.S.'s with the sharpshooter's or the sniper's. Sorry if this sounds negative. On a side note, I'd like to know what you don't like about the review forum. Is this a prologue? Honestly, I’m not feeling it that much. This feels more like an origin story and it’s handled at a flitty and throw-away pace. I’d strongly recommend slowing down and expanding. You could probably stretch this to about 1 and half pages.

I’d recommend adding scenery (deeper than a vague description), more body language, dialogue, pacing, and character development.

“Where he saw that S.S.S’s face. He knew it was him from a flashback he had. ”

I’d recommend replacing flashback with something like a memory. Technically, I don’t think a person can have a flashback. Alternatively, you could remove the second sentence.

-I’d replaced the S.S.S.’s with the sharpshooter’s or the sniper’s.

Sorry if this sounds negative.

On a side note, I’d like to know what you don’t like about the review forum.

]]> By: Mack http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-30022 Mack Wed, 27 May 2009 19:57:07 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-30022 Ragged Boy i am sorry i did not i dont like using fourms att all i realized i thought it would be much different Hector Adams was just a 19 year old boy. He was a private for the Army. It was just about the time of 2911 and America got in a war with Namoco which used to be known as canada until they were invaded and taken over by hailen A.K.A Iraq and New Russia which used to be mexico. who became a alliance. The world has changed; part of Namoco has become a very nasty and polluted swamp. That is where Pvt. Adams was. America had been retreating into this swamp for several days now. Hector was shaking, because he did not want to be in the army. He needed to be, he was drafted. Hector was there shaking like a baby. His squad got whittled down by a S.S.S or Small Shot Sharpshooter. These bullets were so small they were the size of an ant. But these bullets made you disinagrate on impact. These were deadly. Hector ran and ran until a terrible thing happened. Namoco had been working on a poisonous fire. The poison waste was there and Hector did not see it he ran straight into the nasty, green, vat of the poison. He sunk and sunk. 3 days passed and Hector finally woke up. The war was still raging in the swamp. He then felt very very weird he grew fangs, poison fangs and poison was shooting out of his hand. He sat by a tree and thought a thought that was going to burn inside of him for the rest of his life. He was a freak. He had to sleep so he ran to the outscurts of the swamp where the war was not raging. The next morning he woke up in a New Russian Facility. Where he saw that S.S.S's face. He knew it was him from a flashback he had. Hector was scared and knew something evil was bound to happen Ragged Boy i am sorry i did not i dont like using fourms att all i realized i thought it would be much different

Hector Adams was just a 19 year old boy. He was a private for the Army. It was just about the time of 2911 and America got in a war with Namoco which used to be known as canada until they were invaded and taken over by hailen A.K.A Iraq and New Russia which used to be mexico. who became a alliance. The world has changed; part of Namoco has become a very nasty and polluted swamp. That is where Pvt. Adams was. America had been retreating into this swamp for several days now. Hector was shaking, because he did not want to be in the army. He needed to be, he was drafted. Hector was there shaking like a baby. His squad got whittled down by a S.S.S or Small Shot Sharpshooter. These bullets were so small they were the size of an ant. But these bullets made you disinagrate on impact. These were deadly.

Hector ran and ran until a terrible thing happened. Namoco had been working on a poisonous fire. The poison waste was there and Hector did not see it he ran straight into the nasty, green, vat of the poison. He sunk and sunk. 3 days passed and Hector finally woke up. The war was still raging in the swamp. He then felt very very weird he grew fangs, poison fangs and poison was shooting out of his hand. He sat by a tree and thought a thought that was going to burn inside of him for the rest of his life. He was a freak. He had to sleep so he ran to the outscurts of the swamp where the war was not raging. The next morning he woke up in a New Russian Facility. Where he saw that S.S.S’s face. He knew it was him from a flashback he had. Hector was scared and knew something evil was bound to happen

]]> By: Ragged Boy http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-29968 Ragged Boy Wed, 27 May 2009 14:38:06 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-29968 You know Mack you could have post this in your<a href="http://www.superheronation.com/2009/05/12/macks-review-forum/" rel="nofollow">forum</a>. It'd be a good way to start your development site. You know Mack you could have post this in yourforum. It’d be a good way to start your development site.

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-29965 B. Mac Wed, 27 May 2009 14:29:47 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-29965 Hello, Mack. I think that you did a pretty good job of starting the story as everything goes wrong. I have a few thoughts and suggestions. <br /> --The backstory about the father getting sued for billions of dollars seems a bit distracting and out of place. I would recommend just having him get drafted; I think that would be a bit more intuitive and would require less setup. <br /> --I'm not sure if you're army or anything like that, but my layman's take is that trying to run from a sniper is likely to get him shot. I think soldiers are encouraged to find cover or lie prone instead. <br /> --In some ways, this story feels a bit more modern than super-futuristic. We have recognizable countries, recognizable weapons (sniper rifles and chemical missiles), etc. It might help to set the story maybe 100 years in the future rather than 900. <br /> --I think it might help to add another character or two to develop the plot. OK, the character became a freakish monster. Then what? Hopefully there's more here than him just going crazy on those sinister Canadians. <br /> I like that he's unwilling. Hello, Mack. I think that you did a pretty good job of starting the story as everything goes wrong.

I have a few thoughts and suggestions.

–The backstory about the father getting sued for billions of dollars seems a bit distracting and out of place. I would recommend just having him get drafted; I think that would be a bit more intuitive and would require less setup.

–I’m not sure if you’re army or anything like that, but my layman’s take is that trying to run from a sniper is likely to get him shot. I think soldiers are encouraged to find cover or lie prone instead.

–In some ways, this story feels a bit more modern than super-futuristic. We have recognizable countries, recognizable weapons (sniper rifles and chemical missiles), etc. It might help to set the story maybe 100 years in the future rather than 900.

–I think it might help to add another character or two to develop the plot. OK, the character became a freakish monster. Then what? Hopefully there’s more here than him just going crazy on those sinister Canadians.

I like that he’s unwilling.

]]> By: Mack http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-29888 Mack Wed, 27 May 2009 00:59:22 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-29888 To anyone who would like to help... <br /> Hector Adams was just a 19 year old boy. He was a private for the Army. It was just about the time of 2911 and America got in a war with Canada and Mexico who became a alliance. The world has changed; part of Canada has become a very nasty and polluted swamp. That is where Pvt. Adams was. America had been retreating into this swamp for several days now. Hector was shaking, because he did not want to be in the army. He needed to be, his family has became very poor with his dad being sued for 10 billion dollars which made his company go bankrupt. Hector was there shaking like a baby. His squad got whittled down by sharpshooters. <br /> Hector ran and ran until a terrible thing happened. Canada had been working on a poison missile which didn't blow up but gas shot every where when it hit the ground. The poison waste was there and Hector did not see it he ran straight into the nasty, green, vat of the poison. He sunk and sunk. 3 days passed and Hector finally woke up. The war was still raging in the swamp. He then felt very very weird he grew fangs, poison fangs and poison was shooting out of his hand. He sat by a tree and thought a thought that was going to burn inside of him for the rest of his life. He was a freak. To anyone who would like to help…

Hector Adams was just a 19 year old boy. He was a private for the Army. It was just about the time of 2911 and America got in a war with Canada and Mexico who became a alliance. The world has changed; part of Canada has become a very nasty and polluted swamp. That is where Pvt. Adams was. America had been retreating into this swamp for several days now. Hector was shaking, because he did not want to be in the army. He needed to be, his family has became very poor with his dad being sued for 10 billion dollars which made his company go bankrupt. Hector was there shaking like a baby. His squad got whittled down by sharpshooters.

Hector ran and ran until a terrible thing happened. Canada had been working on a poison missile which didn’t blow up but gas shot every where when it hit the ground. The poison waste was there and Hector did not see it he ran straight into the nasty, green, vat of the poison. He sunk and sunk. 3 days passed and Hector finally woke up. The war was still raging in the swamp. He then felt very very weird he grew fangs, poison fangs and poison was shooting out of his hand. He sat by a tree and thought a thought that was going to burn inside of him for the rest of his life. He was a freak.

]]> By: Mack http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-29847 Mack Tue, 26 May 2009 19:51:01 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-29847 Hello, I am thinking of a new superhero. I will post the beginning sometime in 3 days. Hello, I am thinking of a new superhero. I will post the beginning sometime in 3 days.

]]> By: Brett http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-28791 Brett Wed, 20 May 2009 11:24:38 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-28791 Mack, the most unique advice i can give you is maybe to tone down the number of soldiers this guy has killed? Unless he's a super-soldier or a metahuman, I dont think these numbers are very believable. Just tone it down a tad maybe, or give us a reason this guys so ridiculously talented. :) Mack, the most unique advice i can give you is maybe to tone down the number of soldiers this guy has killed? Unless he’s a super-soldier or a metahuman, I dont think these numbers are very believable. Just tone it down a tad maybe, or give us a reason this guys so ridiculously talented. :)

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-28744 B. Mac Wed, 20 May 2009 01:41:52 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-28744 Hi, Mack. I've set up a review forum for you <a href="http://www.superheronation.com/2009/05/12/macks-review-forum/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Hi, Mack. I’ve set up a review forum for you here.

]]> By: Marissa http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-28740 Marissa Wed, 20 May 2009 00:55:53 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-28740 Ah, it erased them. Replace [ with what happens when you press shift-comma, and ] with what happens when you press shift-period. Those triangle things. Ah, it erased them. Replace [ with what happens when you press shift-comma, and ] with what happens when you press shift-period. Those triangle things.

]]> By: Marissa http://www.superheronation.com/2008/12/29/writing-tip-start-your-story-when-everything-goes-wrong/#comment-28739 Marissa Wed, 20 May 2009 00:54:56 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=1624#comment-28739 Replace all [brackets] with [b]bold[/b] [i]italics[/i] [u]underline[/u] [a href="the URL here"]text of the link[/a] We can't do line breaks, only B. Mac can do those? Replace all [brackets] with

[b]bold[/b]
[i]italics[/i]
[u]underline[/u]
[a href="the URL here"]text of the link[/a]

We can’t do line breaks, only B. Mac can do those?

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