Comments on: How to Write Origin Stories http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/ How to write a superhero book, comic book or superhero novel and get it published Sun, 12 Feb 2012 06:23:44 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: New Ralex http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-203079 New Ralex Mon, 30 Jan 2012 08:02:42 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-203079 Good points. The reason Max decides to leave is because if he learns the reasons his mother left which was to give her son Max a normal life. As for Zane going after Adriene your right it makes better sense if he does it to hurt Max. But the storyline with Zane and Adriene is important to his character. Zane who starts off as a "dick" begins to have real feelings for Adriene. She also begins to fall for him. It affects Zane in a big way and he begins to change for the better. Especially after Xander betrays Zane. Adriene is the only person he has left. Of course Tyro will step in as a father figure to Zane, but it's not the same. This will be time when Zane begins to learn of his heritage learning that he is one of 7 spawns of a dark demon lorn known as Zhada. Good points. The reason Max decides to leave is because if he learns the reasons his mother left which was to give her son Max a normal life.
As for Zane going after Adriene your right it makes better sense if he does it to hurt Max. But the storyline with Zane and Adriene is important to his character. Zane who starts off as a “dick” begins to have real feelings for Adriene. She also begins to fall for him. It affects Zane in a big way and he begins to change for the better. Especially after Xander betrays Zane. Adriene is the only person he has left. Of course Tyro will step in as a father figure to Zane, but it’s not the same. This will be time when Zane begins to learn of his heritage learning that he is one of 7 spawns of a dark demon lorn known as Zhada.

]]> By: B. McKenzie http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-203045 B. McKenzie Mon, 30 Jan 2012 04:07:02 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-203045 --I think it might help to proofread more aggressively, especially when you’re ready to submit to a publisher. In particular, I think comma placement would help me follow what’s going on. <br /> --I think the plot summary may be easier to follow if the characters are introduced more gradually. By my count, we have five characters named or introduced in the first three sentences. (Nine in the first two paragraphs). <br /> --“Max is a young 18 year old half human-half demon.” I think this could be shortened, maybe to something like “Max is an 18 year old half-demon.” If you give us his age, I don’t think you need to tell us he’s young. Also, if you say he’s a half-demon, I think we can infer that he’s half human without being told (what else could the other half be?). <br /> --“Max [is] considered a hero. But Max decides that he wants a life away from this, so he decides to move in with his aunt Jenn.” When there’s an unusual decision like this, I’d recommend going a bit into the character’s rationale. It can help develop the character(s). <br /> --It feels contrived to me that the girl that Zane just happens to fall for is Max’s girlfriend. (A contrivance is when the plot hinges on a huge coincidence outside of the premise/inciting event). It might help if there’s some reason that they just happen to fall for the same girl? (One possibility that comes to mind: Zane goes after her <i>because</i> she’s Max’s girlfriend). –I think it might help to proofread more aggressively, especially when you’re ready to submit to a publisher. In particular, I think comma placement would help me follow what’s going on.

–I think the plot summary may be easier to follow if the characters are introduced more gradually. By my count, we have five characters named or introduced in the first three sentences. (Nine in the first two paragraphs).

–“Max is a young 18 year old half human-half demon.” I think this could be shortened, maybe to something like “Max is an 18 year old half-demon.” If you give us his age, I don’t think you need to tell us he’s young. Also, if you say he’s a half-demon, I think we can infer that he’s half human without being told (what else could the other half be?).

–“Max [is] considered a hero. But Max decides that he wants a life away from this, so he decides to move in with his aunt Jenn.” When there’s an unusual decision like this, I’d recommend going a bit into the character’s rationale. It can help develop the character(s).

–It feels contrived to me that the girl that Zane just happens to fall for is Max’s girlfriend. (A contrivance is when the plot hinges on a huge coincidence outside of the premise/inciting event). It might help if there’s some reason that they just happen to fall for the same girl? (One possibility that comes to mind: Zane goes after her because she’s Max’s girlfriend).

]]> By: New Ralex http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-203006 New Ralex Mon, 30 Jan 2012 00:57:22 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-203006 Hey everyone I would really like input so please let me know what you think about this idea I have. Ok first I've re-written this story quite a few times and this is just the current incarnation of this story. Max is a young 18 year old half human- half demon. When he was 15 his mother was attacked and killed by a demon named Roark the brother of Maxs demon father Fierro. Max was barely saved by another demon warrior named Tyro. Tyro an old friend of Fierro takes Max as his apprentice. Together Tyro and Max defeat Roark along with a few other demons Max being considered a hero. But Max decides that he wants a life away from this so decides to move in with his aunt Jenn. Now the story begins with Max working a "shitty" job at a local grocery store. He goes with his you g cousin,Josh, on a field trip to a local museum to see the unveiling of an artifact. During the presentation Max recognizes the emblem on the artifact. As questions begin two demon warriors attempt to steal it. As everyone runs Max gets backs into action and tries to stop the duo. 2 Blight Knights Xander and his apprentice Zane were already there and Max gets in there way accidently releasing and dark "essence" in the artifact . Zane kills the two demons. The crest on the artifact then transforms into a sword and infuses itself with Max. Xander and Zane get angry at Max as they tell him about the artifactt. It was a Dem-Cage. Created to hold the essence or "soul" of a demon and trap in. The crest on it was a seal of the Lexicon a powerful sword once used by Maxs father Fierro. Now with the essence released it will infect up to 20 people each given a dark "gift". Xander and Zane contact the main Leaders of the Knights and are told to retrieve the souls at all cost. Max feeling guilty decides he wants to help as well but the Leaders don't allow it. Tyro Maxs former mentor is sent to the city to make sure Max does not interfere with Xander and Zane. Max decides to do so anyways beggening the adventure!! So what'd you guys think for a chapter 1? I want it to be a comic book. If it continues it will deal with the relationship between Max and his friends and his rivalry with Zane. Zane will also begin to fall for a local girl names Adrienne who just do happens to be Maxs girlfriend. Also new villains and ally's will be introduced. Including Josh gaining powers after learning that he is the reincarnated Thuner-Titan. Tyro will also learn if his son he never knew he had who now leads a team of heroes. And also Xander will be revealed to be working with the enemy crushing Zane who always looked up at him as a father. Zane's dark backstory will also be explores. So please I want all your input. Thanks! Hey everyone I would really like input so please let me know what you think about this idea I have. Ok first I’ve re-written this story quite a few times and this is just the current incarnation of this story.

Max is a young 18 year old half human- half demon. When he was 15 his mother was attacked and killed by a demon named Roark the brother of Maxs demon father Fierro. Max was barely saved by another demon warrior named Tyro. Tyro an old friend of Fierro takes Max as his apprentice. Together Tyro and Max defeat Roark along with a few other demons Max being considered a hero. But Max decides that he wants a life away from this so decides to move in with his aunt Jenn.
Now the story begins with Max working a “shitty” job at a local grocery store. He goes with his you g cousin,Josh, on a field trip to a local museum to see the unveiling of an artifact. During the presentation Max recognizes the emblem on the artifact. As questions begin two demon warriors attempt to steal it.

As everyone runs Max gets backs into action and tries to stop the duo. 2 Blight Knights Xander and his apprentice Zane were already there and Max gets in there way accidently releasing and dark “essence” in the artifact . Zane kills the two demons. The crest on the artifact then transforms into a sword and infuses itself with Max. Xander and Zane get angry at Max as they tell him about the artifactt. It was a Dem-Cage. Created to hold the essence or “soul” of a demon and trap in. The crest on it was a seal of the Lexicon a powerful sword once used by Maxs father Fierro. Now with the essence released it will infect up to 20 people each given a dark “gift”.

Xander and Zane contact the main Leaders of the Knights and are told to retrieve the souls at all cost. Max feeling guilty decides he wants to help as well but the Leaders don’t allow it. Tyro Maxs former mentor is sent to the city to make sure Max does not interfere with Xander and Zane. Max decides to do so anyways beggening the adventure!!

So what’d you guys think for a chapter 1? I want it to be a comic book. If it continues it will deal with the relationship between Max and his friends and his rivalry with Zane. Zane will also begin to fall for a local girl names Adrienne who just do happens to be Maxs girlfriend. Also new villains and ally’s will be introduced. Including Josh gaining powers after learning that he is the reincarnated Thuner-Titan. Tyro will also learn if his son he never knew he had who now leads a team of heroes. And also Xander will be revealed to be working with the enemy crushing Zane who always looked up at him as a father. Zane’s dark backstory will also be explores. So please I want all your input. Thanks!

]]> By: Neal and Hobbes http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-196829 Neal and Hobbes Fri, 13 Jan 2012 20:48:43 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-196829 Ok Neal and I are gonna post a prologue soon hopefully before the end of the day.Knowing Neal he'll probably go overboard and already have like 5 chapters or something Ok Neal and I are gonna post a prologue soon hopefully before the end of the day.Knowing Neal he’ll probably go overboard and already have like 5 chapters or something

]]> By: Marquis http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-196828 Marquis Fri, 13 Jan 2012 20:44:35 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-196828 That sounds good too. Just don't make him to far gone or he want be able to accomplish his goal. Maybe there should be steps first he loses control of a body part for a small period of time then he faints then his emotions begin to go berserk That sounds good too. Just don’t make him to far gone or he want be able to accomplish his goal. Maybe there should be steps first he loses control of a body part for a small period of time then he faints then his emotions begin to go berserk

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-196758 Anonymous Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:35:55 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-196758 Definitely fainting. Hmmm I was thinking something like as he loses more and more pieces of his soul, he begins to lose his emotions and become more distanced from his teammates Definitely fainting. Hmmm I was thinking something like as he loses more and more pieces of his soul, he begins to lose his emotions and become more distanced from his teammates

]]> By: Marquis http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-196743 Marquis Fri, 13 Jan 2012 15:56:16 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-196743 Anonymous I think you could make it where he loses function of his arms or legs or maybe even fainting if he over exerts himself. Anonymous I think you could make it where he loses function of his arms or legs or maybe even fainting if he over exerts himself.

]]> By: B. McKenzie http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-196652 B. McKenzie Fri, 13 Jan 2012 11:37:25 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-196652 I've set it up <a href=http://www.superheronation.com/2012/01/06/comic-book-guys-review-forum/ rel="nofollow">here</a>, Comicbookguy. I’ve set it up here, Comicbookguy.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-196547 Anonymous Fri, 13 Jan 2012 07:12:50 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-196547 What sort of side effects might a character who is losing his soul suffer from?? What sort of side effects might a character who is losing his soul suffer from??

]]> By: MrNikSix http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-196527 MrNikSix Fri, 13 Jan 2012 06:15:58 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-196527 @Neal and Hobbes. An interesting idea. Another angle on the tribulation thing would be all the lawlessness and rioting that will be going on in a 'Post Rapture' world. You could have a crime fighting character which your protagonist meets, and could spark off some interesting discussion on how the situation should be handled: do they try to 'rebuild' the world (the crime fighters view) or prepare for judgement(protagonists view)? I am currently doing a computer games course with RMIT, and my next assignment will be to write a synopsis in film format and the same story in game format. I was thinking of doing a superhero movie/game and was wondering if anyone had any input into origins. It's all a bit hazy at the moment, but I know for sure that it will be set in 50's Chicago, and various super powered humans will be involved in the war on crime. There won't be costumes and secret identities and all that rot. Simply crime vs. cops with some super powers on each side. The superpowers won't be the focus, but I do need logical explanations for superpower origins, with one key plot point that has to be involved: the super powered humans have had their powers their whole lives. Any advice would be much appreciated. :) @Neal and Hobbes. An interesting idea. Another angle on the tribulation thing would be all the lawlessness and rioting that will be going on in a ‘Post Rapture’ world. You could have a crime fighting character which your protagonist meets, and could spark off some interesting discussion on how the situation should be handled: do they try to ‘rebuild’ the world (the crime fighters view) or prepare for judgement(protagonists view)?

I am currently doing a computer games course with RMIT, and my next assignment will be to write a synopsis in film format and the same story in game format. I was thinking of doing a superhero movie/game and was wondering if anyone had any input into origins. It’s all a bit hazy at the moment, but I know for sure that it will be set in 50′s Chicago, and various super powered humans will be involved in the war on crime. There won’t be costumes and secret identities and all that rot. Simply crime vs. cops with some super powers on each side. The superpowers won’t be the focus, but I do need logical explanations for superpower origins, with one key plot point that has to be involved: the super powered humans have had their powers their whole lives.

Any advice would be much appreciated. :)

]]> By: Marquis http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-196485 Marquis Fri, 13 Jan 2012 04:09:03 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-196485 Ok my new email is thatkid4440@yahoo.com Ok my new email is thatkid4440@yahoo.com

]]> By: Comicbookguy117 http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-196475 Comicbookguy117 Fri, 13 Jan 2012 03:34:40 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-196475 Ok cool, send me you new e-mail and i'll you send you some stuff. My e-mail is comicbookguy117@yahoo.com. I'd like to get the opinion of someone who's not my brother. Lol. So B.Mac, where can I post my information on my version of the Justice League? Ok cool, send me you new e-mail and i’ll you send you some stuff. My e-mail is comicbookguy117@yahoo.com. I’d like to get the opinion of someone who’s not my brother. Lol.

So B.Mac, where can I post my information on my version of the Justice League?

]]> By: Marquis http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-196469 Marquis Fri, 13 Jan 2012 03:17:15 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-196469 Maybe B.mac can give you a review forum? As for your story would you feel comfortable emailing me previews chapters and what not I don't know how to convince you that I don't steal story concepts other than saying I don't steal story concepts Lol. I wanna make a new email address my other one is junk. It's filled with mmo registration codes spam and Facebook messages. Maybe B.mac can give you a review forum? As for your story would you feel comfortable emailing me previews chapters and what not I don’t know how to convince you that I don’t steal story concepts other than saying I don’t steal story concepts Lol. I wanna make a new email address my other one is junk. It’s filled with mmo registration codes spam and Facebook messages.

]]> By: Comicbookguy117 http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-196369 Comicbookguy117 Thu, 12 Jan 2012 21:33:19 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-196369 Well Marquis, I am still working with that idea per say. That will be featured in the story I have developed but it will not be the focus. As for making that my review forum, I must be honest. I don't really feel comfortable posting my personal projects up on a website. I don't know exactly why and it has nothing to do with any of the great people I've talked to here. But I just don't want my ideas stolen. This is why I'm trying to find out how to get something legally copyrighted. If this offends you or anyone else in any way, I apologize. But I've spent years working on these ideas, you know? So, any idea where I can post my redesigns of the Justice League. I'd like to know what you and others think. Well Marquis, I am still working with that idea per say. That will be featured in the story I have developed but it will not be the focus. As for making that my review forum, I must be honest. I don’t really feel comfortable posting my personal projects up on a website. I don’t know exactly why and it has nothing to do with any of the great people I’ve talked to here. But I just don’t want my ideas stolen. This is why I’m trying to find out how to get something legally copyrighted. If this offends you or anyone else in any way, I apologize. But I’ve spent years working on these ideas, you know?

So, any idea where I can post my redesigns of the Justice League. I’d like to know what you and others think.

]]> By: Neal and Hobbes http://www.superheronation.com/2008/05/29/how-to-write-origin-stories/comment-page-1/#comment-196327 Neal and Hobbes Thu, 12 Jan 2012 18:39:13 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/?p=799#comment-196327 Ok so my friend Neal and I writing a story for fun.its about what happens after the rapture. What happens to everyone and everything that didn't accept Jesus into their hearts. Humans,Vampires,Werewolves,and Witches all struggle to survive the Tribulation . But what happens after? Will God accept them or will they still be condemed? What do you guys think? Ok so my friend Neal and I writing a story for fun.its about what happens after the rapture. What happens to everyone and everything that didn’t accept Jesus into their hearts. Humans,Vampires,Werewolves,and Witches all struggle to survive the Tribulation . But what happens after? Will God accept them or will they still be condemed? What do you guys think?

]]>