Apr 06 2008
Writing Consistent Character Voices: “Greetings, mammals!”
This article draws on our experiences writing Superhero Nation to help you create distinct character voices.
The conventional wisdom about voice says that you’d describe a character’s voice by describing how he talks. “Well, this character sounds educated or awkward” or whatever. Those statements may be true, but they are symptoms of how he talks. The underlying cause of how a character speaks is his mindset. Awkwardness and education are not a mindset!
How do we get at a character’s mindset? At Superhero Nation, we have done this for a particularly tricky character (Agent Orange, the mutated alligator on our bookcover) by taking a line that is absolutely distinct to his character and posting it on our walls. For Agent Orange, the phrase is “Greetings, mammals!” He uses this catchphrase literally every time he enters a conversation.
Why does “greetings, mammals!” matter so much that it merits an article? These two words effectively convey the sense of his language. They’re an excellent microcosm of his voice: awkward, educated and unintentionally sinister. As I write his lines, I constantly ask myself is this line appropriate for someone who starts his conversations with “greetings, mammals!”? These two words have helped us keep his voice remarkably consistent, which is very hard for four contributors to do.
By contrast, I’d venture that our staff avoids the other characters, particularly Lash. When we ask ourselves “what would Lash say?” or “what would Catastrophe say?” the answer is constantly changing. There’s no authoritative source-material. B. Mac’s Catastrophe is distinct from my Catastrophe and, frankly, no one on the team has a good handle on Lash. Is he really black or vaguely black or completely white-sounding? No one knows. Does Agent Orange sound awkward? Hell yes. How awkward? “Greetings, mammals!”
You can strategically use catch-phrases to establish and maintain a character-voice. I think the best way to make use of this technique is to assemble a particularly distinctive quote or, more likely, a set of quotes if you think you can’t capture the character’s voice with just one. Keep the quote(s) nearby at all times. We put together a list of quotes to represent the voice for another character, Catastrophe, about a month ago. I think that has really helped iron out the character and reduce character inconsistency. Our writers now agree and understand that his voice is generally bitter, self-assured and draws on allusions to card-games and probability.
I think that this collection of Cat quotes will really help flesh out his voice moving forward, but I’d really like us to decide on a single quote that would be authoritative if there were any internal dispute. It probably going to be much harder to decide on a suitably unique phrase for someone who (unlike Orange) doesn’t have an exotic linguistic origin. Orange isn’t human, so his horribly awkward/educated tone feels appropriate and somehow nonhuman, in hopefully a readable way. (More readable than awkward/noneducated, like hillbilly or ebonics, anyway).
Jacob tallied up our quotes of the day by character… these characters are quoted the most often.
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Agent Orange– 81 quotes of the day
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Agent Black– 30
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Captain Carnage– 25
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Catastrophe–18
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Paingod–10
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Lash– 7
If we compensate for Paingod being a minor villain, these ratings line up with the clarity of character-voice. The easier a character’s voice is to understand, the more productive we are. And I think that our writers and readers agree that the Special Investigators (Orange, Black and Carnage) are much better characterized. This suggests that strong characterization will stimulate authorial productivity, as well.
Your Catastrophe reminds me of Justice League Unlimited’s Question for some reason.
A highly unusual face and a strange proclivity for purple?
That and I can’t shake the philosophical/calculating/bada*s vibe.
Haha. We were inspired to start working on the character when B. Mac was talking about a hegemon (a nation that’s a superpower) and I heard him say “Pokemon.” And wacky comedy ensued. It’s like the story of my life.
“Greeting, mammals!” Haha, gotta love that line!
What do you think of this line? It’s intended to raise suspicion against Isaac’s girlfriend, because she’s insulting the kind of guy who she’d normally date. She has suddenly taken an interest in him, who is the complete opposite of her normal standards.
“Isaac’s IQ is through the roof, but Darrick would have trouble winning a spelling bee against a vacuum cleaner.”
Your thoughts? Thanks!
That line was very funny, but I’d modify it slightly for smoothness and brevity.
“Isaac’s a genius, but Darrick couldn’t win a spelling bee against a vacuum cleaner.”
So it very clearly works on a comedic level, but I’m not sure about the suspicion-raising mainly because I’m a bit fuzzy on some of the logistics. Let’s see if I understand this correctly. Another character other than Isaac’s girlfriend thinks it’s strange that Isaac’s girlfriend has fallen for Isaac (who is very much unlike her past boyfriends). This other character is trying to raise suspicion against Isaac’s girlfriend, so he/she compares Darrick to a vacuum cleaner. I think I understand that much. This is where I get a bit hazy.
I think there’s a third character in this scene, isn’t there? First we have Isaac’s girlfriend and we also have the character trying to arouse suspicion against Isaac’s girlfriend. But who is the second character’s audience? (Who does she want to become suspicious of Isaac’s girlfriend?) Also, why would insulting her past boyfriend and complimenting her new boyfriend make her come off poorly? (The more immediate interpretation to me is that her taste in guys is maturing).
There are two characters in the scene, Isaac’s girlfriend (Wendy) and her friend (Morgan).
Morgan asks Wendy how her date went, and Wendy tells her all about it. Morgan says it sounded fun, then asks if she kissed him. Wendy says no (She read in his diary that he gets nervous and would probably freak if she moved too fast). Morgan says that he might not be right for her if she didn’t feel like kissing him, but Wendy insists that he is.
Morgan says: “Are you sure? You should be dating Darrick. He’s way cooler.”
Wendy says: “I don’t care. Isaac’s cute and smart. Darrick’s okay, but he has nothing on him.”
“Like what?”
Wendy thinks: “Well, Isaac’s a superhero and has saved my life before.”
But she says: “Well, Darrick’s nice-looking, but his hair hasn’t been cut in ages. At least Isaac knows when he needs a trim. Isaac’s a genius, but Darrick couldn’t win a spelling bee against a vacuum cleaner.”
Morgan says: “Yeah, but like, Darrick’s hell sporty and stuff. Isaac’s pretty skinny. You can see his muscles through his shirt just a bit, but Darrick’s are obvious. He could probably throw Isaac a hundred metres.” (The average of Isaac’s species look like average humans, so he doesn’t have huge muscles).
The point of the scene is to show how suspicious Morgan is getting, without her blatantly saying: “Dump him now.” I think it would work better with a third character, though. Maybe I’ll put her other friend in there.
Morgan is suspicious because the change from (in her opinion) “hot” to “not” has been very quick. Since she (unlike Wendy) has no idea who he really is, the main factor in her pushiness for her to leave him is that he is less popular than Wendy is. She may be superficial, but what she wants most is for Wendy to keep a good reputation. She’s trying to look out for her
Oops, I mean “I think it would work better with a third character”.
Ahh.. I guess I had assumed it was Morgan delivering the line and not Wendy. That’s what had confused me. It makes a lot more sense that Wendy delivered the vacuum cleaner line.
I think another character could be effective. I suspect it would help underline the peer pressure and that she has a chorus of friends pressuring her to dump Isaac.
I understand that character voice is extremely important, probably a necessity, in first-person narration. So could a protaganist say “I bet I looked awesome, as the energy swirled around me” or”I knew I looked cool, strutting in my new leather jacket.
Basically, is superficial talk acceptable to express character voice.
Short answer: probably not.
Longer answer: It can be, but I found it a bit annoying that the character declared that he looks awesome or cool. Shortening it to just “I strutted in my new leather jacket” would be much more effective, I think. The word strut there implies that the character thinks he’s cool. It’s also much shorter.
However, if you want the character to come off as superficial and maybe in over his head, lines like “I looked awesome” could be useful. But even then, I think indirect and general statements might prove more effective.
For example, I wrote a first person story, Thug Life, about a 7th grade white suburban rapper character that’s wildly clueless. There’s a scene where he’s dancing
Yeah, I didn’t think that would be acceptable.
However, I think it would be acceptable if it had more of a context. For example, right now he kind of declares that he looks cool out of the blue. In contrast, if someone were talking about his leather jacket, then it’d be OK for him to say he looks cool.
Or if they were hating on his jacket, he could say it in conceit.