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St. Patrick’s Day

Agent Orange: Greetings, mammal-Black!

Agent Black: You’re wearing a green trenchcoat.

Agent Orange: Daringly green. I notice you’re wearing a green tie.

Agent Black: Yeah, I’m celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. I would assume that you are, too, but yesterday you claimed that St. Patrick was a reptile-hater that cleansed Ireland of its snakes.

Agent Orange: Indeed! And St. Patrick’s grim legacy of reptilian removal is precisely why every alligator eagerly observes Gatriot’s Day.

Agent Black: Gatriot’s Day?

Agent Orange: Yep. We wear green to celebrate alligator virtues.

Agent Black: Such as…

Agent Orange: Well, there’s carnage, whupass, and charity. Ooh, teeth, too. That’s a big one.

Agent Black: Does it bother you that every, uhh, human wearing green today is celebrating St. Patrick?

Agent Orange: Ehh. American gators survived him and other predators. In fact, only the American and Chinese gators survived. Everyone else died out. Why do you think we lived?

Agent Black: A favorable climate, stable food supply and relatively little human contact?

Agent Orange: No, you dummy! Because of Gatriot’s Day.

Agent Black: Oh, uhh… I see. That makes sense. (Nutcase).

Agent Orange: So, on every Gatriot’s Day, American gators use four-leaf clovers to explain the true nature of our awesomeness to heathen mammals. Not coincidentally, the Four Pillars of American Awesomeness are green: the Statue of Liberty, dollars, military camouflage and go-signs. These four pillars represent freedom, happiness, strength and energy. And they, like the leaves on a clover, rest on the stem, which obviously represents gators.

Agent Black: (Obviously). … Hey, do you actually have a four-leaf clover? I’ve never seen one before.

Agent Orange: Indeed! Look, here…

Agent Black steals the clover.

Agent Black: Thanks.

Agent Orange: Hey!

Agent Black: And a happy Gatriot’s Day to you, too!

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