Feb 16 2008

Wings’ Review Forum: How to Save the World

Published by at 5:42 pm under Review Forums

‘Sup. I’m Wings, a Californian, a student, and a scatterbrained writer.

How to Save the World is a superhero novel, filled with heroism, self-discovery, friendship, and a little hilarity. It’s about a dysfunctional team of superpowered teenagers and their struggle to defeat a less-than-sane genius principal and an veritable army of their hypnotized classmates while maintaining steady B averages. As if high school wasn’t hard enough. When the fate of the world rests upon the shoulders of an impulsive pessimist with a short temper, her naive best friend who’s fallen hard for a queen bee, a quiet paraplegic searching for his older brother, and the sixth grader who’s probably smarter than all of them…well, we’d better cross our fingers for luck. They’re gonna need it.

For more, it’s probably best right now if you read old posts by me. You’ll catch up to the plot and characters best that way.


Target Audience

I’m pretty flexible. However, for violence and several dark scenes, the over-thirteen range. I have a little romance and some tearful moments for girls, and PLENTY of violence for guys (and, if you’re a girl like me, girls too).


My Approach to Criticism

We fanfiction writers are notoriously light armored, but I’m tougher than most. Just try to be nice, okay?


The Works I’m Most Familiar With

The closest thing that I’m reading to a superhero work thus far is the Maximum Ride series by James Patterson. It’s rather confusing, but laugh out loud hilarious, especially in the last few books. I read almost all fantasy (anything with the word “dragon” in the title usually gets me) and I agree with Ragged Boy about the LOTR books, I didn’t like them much (though I might have enjoyed them more if my seventh grade teacher hadn’t made me read them).

Thanks for your help.

— Wings 🙂

453 responses so far

453 Responses to “Wings’ Review Forum: How to Save the World”

  1. Wingson 16 Feb 2009 at 4:04 pm

    Um, hey. I’m creating an electricity manipulator for my book. She goes by the alter ego Sprx, can you check her?

    She can emit electricity from both hands. Exerting too much electricity at once drains her, however, if she is somewhere where there is a lot of electricity (in a thunderstorm, or at a power plant) she can eliminate this. She is also immune to being hurt by anything using electricity (such as a Taser, which will actually probably help her in retrospect).

    She discovers her powers when she wakes up to find everything electronic in her room broken or shorted out (she subconsciously absorbed it).

    The greatest instance of her power (end of my book) is to create a hoverboard of electricity for herself. However, this only works in an extreme storm. Smaller matters – causing small thunderstorms, however, there must be enough clouds and such around for her to do so – and channeling electricity down other objects (such as a metal pole or a blast of water from a hose) are also accomplished in time.

    Please reply .

    -Wings

  2. Holliequon 16 Feb 2009 at 4:07 pm

    ‘Sprx’ is very hard to pronounce. Did you miss a vowel out when you were typing? If not, I would strongly suggest changing that to make it easier on the eyes.

    Otherwise, I feel that it’s a pretty solid power. I’m not feeling the discovery story however. It’s a bit bland, it’s like ‘oops, look, I have powers’. How did she get these powers?

  3. Wingson 16 Feb 2009 at 4:20 pm

    Sprx is a working name, I haven’t found anything really good yet. It’s basically a version of the word “Sparks”. They’re pronounced the same.

    NOTE: All of my characters unless otherwise stated received their powers in the same way Sprx did. I gave you the short version earlier.

    Sprx’s powers were brought about from an unnamed as of yet chemical put in what she was eating.The chemical altered her DNA over the course of a few days, until she woke up to find her powers.

    She was created to be a member of an elite army (which she does not know until about midbook) along with many others. She’s 17, and her entire school was used as lab rats.

    A false assembly was created to bring the students under hypnosis, however, as she subconsciously shorted out everything in her room (alarm clock, anyone?) she missed it and was one of the lucky few to not be brought under Scarlet’s (our villain, more on him another time) control.

    END HISTORY

    I’m glad you like her power, I haven’t been able to find anyone else (besides Electro from Spiderman, and his power wasn’t nearly as widespread) with anything similar.

    There’s more to come from me.

    -Wings

  4. Holliequon 16 Feb 2009 at 4:28 pm

    I think ‘Sparks’ is much better than ‘Sprx’. The former seems a bit more youthful to me. At the very least, it’s readable. Hmm. B. Mac will probably be able to help you out more here.

    Also, I like that Scarlet is a man! 🙂 That’s one I haven’t seen before.

    Your story seems interesting. I look forward to hearing more about it.

  5. Wingson 16 Feb 2009 at 4:34 pm

    I’ll tell more, but I have a chronic fear of writing thieves. I’m not really sure where it came from, but I am seriously afraid of someone stealing Sprx/Sparks or worse, my plot.

    And yes, Scarlet (alter ego name) is a man. I wanted something that suggested a dark past. I was going to go with Scar, but that is too cliche for me….. So I found Scarlet, which makes me think of blood (yes, I am morbid) so I went with that!

    -Wings 😉

  6. Holliequon 16 Feb 2009 at 4:42 pm

    Fortunately, it would be easy to prove that you’re the original author through document dates, and through other people if you’ve shared the idea with someone in real life. However, if you feel uncomfortable with sharing the details of the story, that’s fine too. 🙂 I’m a pretty secrective author myself.

  7. Wingson 16 Feb 2009 at 4:47 pm

    Not if you’re not considered old enough to write properly. (I’m not even able to think about driving for a couple years).

    Besides, my writing is (unfortunately) mainly inside my head, and I don’t mark my brain…..

    Thanks for being nice to the new person.

    -Wings the Not-Of-Driving-Age-Yet

  8. Ragged Boyon 16 Feb 2009 at 4:54 pm

    @ Wings:
    I like Sparks as well, finally another alternative element user. My character, Adrian, uses water.

    Don’t worry we’re mostly friendly here, we’re even nice to the occasional naysayer that shows up. I’m usually around more often, but I’ve been busy lately. But now I’m here to help.

  9. Wingson 16 Feb 2009 at 4:59 pm

    Thanks for helping, but I have many more characters…

    However, for today I’m sticking with Sparks/Sprx.

    -Wings the Trying-To-Be-Helpful

  10. Holliequon 16 Feb 2009 at 5:06 pm

    Wings, don’t worry about being young. I think most of us here are 16 or 17 (I’m the former, in case you were wondering). I also can’t drive yet, haha, but I’m British and we get our licence at 18. Sucks. 🙁

    Have you got a personality worked out for Sparks yet? Her background seems sound, but the character is the most important bit.

  11. Ragged Boyon 16 Feb 2009 at 5:13 pm

    Characters are the funnest part of story development. How many main (good and evil) character do you plan on having?

  12. Wingson 16 Feb 2009 at 5:18 pm

    Hmm…I thought you were British by the sound of your writing. I was right for once!

    I’m not even in high school yet…..

    The first thing we see about Sparks (hero name not yet revealed, her real name is Meg) is that she’s a bookworm and finds math boring. (from the first draft of Chapter One). By midchapter, we’ve found that she’s 17 and has brown hair and brown eyes. Her best friend is Ian (more on him later) and she has a little brother. She hates snobs and bullies.

    The above is only what has been revealed. As the author and creator, I can give more information.

    Meg’s resourceful, and she’s extremely close to her younger brother. She’s a little scatterbrained, and she loves music of all sorts. She’s the oldest of the originally good heroes, and therefore becomes the leader. She is slightly short tempered, and her powers go out of whack when she’s angry.

    -Wings the Young

  13. Wingson 16 Feb 2009 at 5:26 pm

    @ Ragged Boy – Main good characters: Meg (Sparks), Ian (Gabriel), Jazz (Nightshade), Connor (Aura, later known as Aura Master).

    Minor Good Characters: Zak (Lightspeed), Alexis (Illusion), and Adriana (Mimic)

    Main Evil Characters: Scarlet (real name undecided), Heather (Empress), Alyssa (Warp) Pierce (Blade)

    Minor Evil Characters: Alan (Flint), Countless Hypnotized

    Sorry, I type really slow. And almost all of these guys I would like to be reviewed.

    – Wings the Slow Typer

  14. Ragged Boyon 16 Feb 2009 at 5:29 pm

    One minor concern:

    You have three characters whose name start with A. Worst case scenario, a reader could get confused one who’s who if all three are in a scene together.

    Could you give me a personality/ability breakdown for a few of the characters?

  15. Wingson 16 Feb 2009 at 5:32 pm

    I can afford to ditch the names Alan and Adriana. (I love the name Alexis)

    Any suggestions?

    -Wings 🙂

  16. Wingson 16 Feb 2009 at 5:46 pm

    I can’t give too much because I’m running out of time. I can give these though:


    Ian (Gabriel)


    Powers: Flight and healing. He’s really similar to Archangel of the X-Men, but it was unintentional.

    Summary: Meg’s best friend. Discovers his power via the Flying Dream (you know, when you dream you’re flying?) Long story short, he woke up on the roof.

    Jazz (Nightshade)

    Powers: Shapeshifter (animal)

    Summary: Originally main character. Is the only member known to be in the Limbo status, not sure which side she belonged on.


    Scarlet


    Power: Hypnosis, various others (more on that another time)

    Summary: The major baddie. Back story hazy, want help with that.

    Heather (Empress)

    Power: Hypnosis, a “gifter” (again, more later cause I got to go)

    Summary: Rich girl gone bad. Very bad.


    Alyssa (Warp)


    Power: Can open other dimensions.

    Summary: Heather’s sister, hypnotized. A sadistic, violent, angelic-looking seven year old. A very fun character.


    Pierce (Blade)


    Power: Metal manipulator, baby!

    Summary: Darren’s brother. (More on Darren later, I forgot to mention him) Very dark past, suicidal, hypnotized. Created by myself and a good friend, he is our depressed motorcycle rider.

    (Darren will be told about later, I have to go soon!)

    These are the mains, hope you like them!

    -Wings the Hurried

  17. Wingson 16 Feb 2009 at 5:48 pm

    Hello! I’m Wings, American writer. I deal in fantasy and the paranormal in my books.

    Main Project(s) Now: Temporary Title “Special” and its sequel, “Doomsday”.

    I type slowly, so don’t worry if I don’t reply quickly.

  18. B. Macon 16 Feb 2009 at 5:53 pm

    Hi. I’ll get around to moving the comments related to your work here at some point tonight.

  19. Ragged Boyon 16 Feb 2009 at 6:04 pm

    Ah, a multi-dimensional story, I’m also in the planning phase of one of those.

    So far, sounds good, be careful about suicidal characters, though. They can drastically change the mood of a story.

    I fight Nightshade an odd name for a shapeshifter, but you’d probably find Showtime an odd name for a water elementalist.

  20. Wingson 16 Feb 2009 at 6:07 pm

    Thank you, Editor!

    More on my projects:

    TT( Temporary Title): The Special

    Plot: When the students of a remote school are used as lab rats in a villain’s plot, it’s up to a group of unlikely allies to reclaim their classmates, defeat their enemies, and manage to survive to next period. In a race against evil for an invaluable artifact, the world, and their lives, the Special are going to have to win, or die.

    Status: Character reviews, working now!

    TT: Doomsday

    Plot: Two years after Scarlet’s takeover, everything has returned to normal, or so it seems. When a rogue student finds the Titan’s Diamond, the world is threatened once again – without heroes. As the only member of the five who kept their powers remaining at the school, Connor has to create an army using his shard of the diamond, protect two natural-born heroes, and figure out the secrets of his powers.
    If he doesn’t, then Doomsday will destroy not only the world, but the universe itself.

    Status: Planning!

    Anything you don’t get, I’ll explain, so don’t worry!

    – Wings!

  21. Wingson 16 Feb 2009 at 6:11 pm

    Pierce has a dark backstory. Once I get around to putting it here, you’ll understand why he wanted death. When he’s taken control of, though, he has no will of his own.

    If given the choice, he would most likely not be evil.

    Nightshade’s preference when she shifts is into a black-furred/feathered animal, and she is one of the darker characters.

    Does this clear anything up?

    -Wings the writer

  22. Holliequon 16 Feb 2009 at 7:28 pm

    Let’s focus on your first book for now. I’m sure you’ve got lots of ideas for your sequel, but it might be best to just focus on the one for now.

    Looking at the list of superpowers article, you seem to have a lot of main characters. Are they all really neccesary? Alternatively, what sort of age group are you thinking of writing for? Younger readers don’t mind so much about characters without much personality. I’m not saying that they don’t have personality, but it can be hard to keep track of that many characters (trust me, I know. I tried writing a story with 11 main characters. That didn’t come out well). Younger readers, though, don’t tend to mind so much.

  23. Wingson 17 Feb 2009 at 9:57 am

    @ Holliequ – The minor characters won’t be in the story much, but when one looks at the story and its fight scenes logically, there are at least 200 students in the school itself. Three or four heroes won’t be able to put up much of a fight.

    Age group? I’m trying to adapt. However, because of certain dark scenes probably in the over-13 range.

  24. Holliequon 17 Feb 2009 at 11:40 am

    Oh, right, I didn’t realise that most of those were minor characters. If they’re minor characters who appear regularly, I might recommend making their personalities very different from each other to make it easier to distinguish.

    Which characters are your main focus (apart from Sparks and Scarlet, of course)?

  25. Wingson 18 Feb 2009 at 4:30 pm

    Scarlet is a main, but he only becomes seriously major midplot.

    Ultra-Mains: Sparks (Meg), Gabriel (Ian), Jazz (Nightshade), Pierce (Blade) And, of course, Scarlet (name TBD)

    Regular-Mains: Psyche (Darren, Pierce’s brother), Aura (Connor, Meg’s brother),

    The Ultra-Mains are my biggest focus. However, the Regular-Mains both have specific plot tie-ins, as both are important to the overall story.

    Almost everyone needs work.

    Oh, almost forgot Darren and Connor’s minibios:

    Darren (Psyche)

    -Power: Can erase memories, telekinetic

    Summary: Pierce’s twin brother. Important note: He’s in a wheelchair, as he’s paralyzed from the waist down. This happened prior to the novel’s beginning.

    Connor (Aura)

    Power: His powers are purification (mental healing) and various aura skills such as: force fields, aura blasts, and aura reading.

    Summary: Meg’s little brother, powers a total accident after eating a chemical-spiked cookie.

    I’ll give definitions as needed.

    -Wings the Busy

  26. Holliequon 18 Feb 2009 at 5:23 pm

    Chemical-spiked cookie, haha, I like that one.

    If Meg basically leads the group against this Scarlet, then there’d have to be something about her people would like to follow . . . her traits might include passionate, charismatic, idealistic, competant etc. For negative attributes, she could be over-idealistic, perhaps naive, unable to see the bigger picture.

    Ideally, her right-hand-man (or woman) would balance her out a little. So where she’s very passionate and we-have-to-do-something-now, they might be more cautious or cynical . . . I wouldn’t recommend going too far with cynical, though.

    In any case, this article (http://www.superheronation.com/2008/06/04/list-of-characteristics/) has a pretty comprehensive list of character attributes you could use to develop them.

    4 main characters, not counting the villain, and 2 semi-main characters still seems like a lot. However, you know your strengths better than I do. Are you confident that you can write 6 characters who are easily distinguished? (I’m not counting the villain, because he should be pretty easy to tell apart . . . he IS the villain). If you aren’t so sure, you may want to consider merging or downgrading a few characters.

  27. B. Macon 18 Feb 2009 at 5:31 pm

    I agree it’s a lot of characters, particularly when the powers are considered. Some of the powers might be hard to choreograph in a novel, like telekinesis and force-fields.

  28. Wingson 24 Feb 2009 at 4:20 pm

    I’m back at last!

    The main use of Connor’s aura will be in his perspective, and we’ll see it through his eyes. Therefore,we’ll be able to understand it better since Connor can see aura.

    Also,I’ve read telekinesis at least once (read Hidden Talents by David Lubar, it’s a good book).

    And now, *drumroll*…..

    Scarlet’s backstory! (Just so you know: The Special (book 1) and Doomsday (book 2) were once one large book, which is why I have details on Scarlet’s life (if you can call it that) in Book 2)

    Scarlet (real name unknown)

    Scarlet was born with the powers of hypnosis and possession. He was a genius gone wrong. Shunned and taunted as a child because of his love for the paranormal, he devoted all of his energy to learning about the paranormal world, hoping to study it as an adult. Three years after graduating from college, the 21-year-old Scarlet brought his findings to the scientific world. He was thought to be insane because of his studies, and, in a rage, possessed the scientific leaders and slaughtered them all. Driven nearly to madness, he still vowed revenge against the world that had shunned him.

    Many years later, he assumed the guise of Byron Stanwood and became principal of Visvires Academy. After many failures, he created an chemical that would mimic the changes caused to his genes which granted him his powers. This chemical created the artificial Naturals: Meg, Ian, Pierce, Jazz, Connor, Darren, Heather, Zak, Alexis, Lucia and Blake. Although he still has half of the Titan’s Diamond when the last two Specials, Sparks and Bladedge, battle him, he is defeated and his power, although naturally given, is erased by the Titan’s Diamond. However, as his power was truly natural, not gifted or artificial, his evil consciousness is also absorbed, and he dies. Although the Specials initially agree to hide the Titan’s Diamond after they found it impossible to completely destroy, Connor, unknown to the others, pocketed one shard of the diamond.

    Two years later, everything seems to have died down. Nearly all of the Specials have graduated, and all the others have long forgotten the events of two years past. Connor Reed now attends Visvires Academy, and is the last one still at the school who kept his powers. When a rogue thief finds most of the Titan’s Diamond, Scarlet’s consciousness passes into his body. The vengeful Scarlet swears to destroy not only the world, but the universe, Connor must use the Titan’s Diamond to create the second generation of Specials, with himself as the leader. Backed by Pierce, Meg, Ian, and Jazz, Connor must be able to command a new force of heroes…..where losing means death to not only the heroes, but the universe.

    ………

    And: The Titan’s Diamond!

    The Titan’s Diamond

    The Titan’s Diamond was a large jewel with an infinite amount of paranormal energy. It had the ability to grant limitless power to the user, or drain one of their power entirely. Indestructible and old, the Diamond survived from the beginning of time. The Diamond can be broken into pieces but never entirely destroyed. Its ability to grant power differs with the receiver, in a manipulator’s case such as Meg or Pierce, it will make their energy reserves unlimited, while in all cases it can grant any of the other “stored” powers from the victims whose powers have been absorbed. As Connor finds in Doomsday, it can also create Artificial Naturals if a shard is boiled in water and is ingested.

    When Scarlet finds the Titan’s diamond, he breaks it into two shards. He tests one on the then-hypnotized Pierce, granting the metal manipulator limitless power. Although the weakened Pierce tries to throw of the hypnosis, he is unable to do anything as his powers go horribly haywire, making him the most powerful enemy the Specials had ever faced. Darren is able to give his brother the slight advantage he needs to throw off the hypnosis for one instant, in which Meg strikes him with an incredibly powerful lightning strike which nearly kills him.

    Although Scarlet has gained all of the powers in the Diamond by the time Sparks and Bladegde reach him, the two Specials with the deadliest abilities manage to defeat him. However, when they try to erase his powers, the True Natural’s consciousness was absorbed along with his powers, killing him….or so they’d thought.

    (BTW: Bladedge is the new temporary name for Pierce, just to clear things up.)

    …..

    *deep breath*

    That’s all for now!

    Wings the Formerly-Banned

  29. Holliequon 24 Feb 2009 at 4:57 pm

    I prefer Pierce to Bladedge, personally. (It took me a while to work out that it was supposed to be Blade-edge, and not bladed-ge or something).

    You seem to have your villains background worked out pretty well. What about his personality? Vengeful seems a given after that story, probably impulsive or given to anger, too.

    Right now, you seem to have most of the details of your story worked out, but I haven’t seen much on the characters. It might be an idea to brainstorm their personalities a bit. What do you think?

  30. Ragged Boyon 24 Feb 2009 at 5:09 pm

    I too like your storyline, I think in the beginning Scarlet could use another more specific motivation for being evil besides revenge on a shunning world. Maybe he seeks to construct some paranormal machine that could grant him unlimited power, this could go along with his scientific findings. I like how his origin is directly linked to the superheroes origin.

    You have alot of characters, which is manageable. As long as Meg doesn’t get lost in the story and in the cast, I think she will be okay.

    I also prefer Pierce, over Bladedge. You may also consider Magna, Egde, or Ore,

  31. Wingson 24 Feb 2009 at 5:42 pm

    Thing is…..

    I flubbed up on the list.

    Here is a better one: Ian (Gabriel) Pierce (Bladedge) Jazz – real name Jasmine – (Nightshade)

    I mainly came here to save their personalities….. I want my characters to live.

    Only ONE CHARACTER has survived Dead Story Syndrome. (Dead Story Syndrome: When I finish a story, I’ll often push it to the back of my head and not think of it for years.)

    Plots are my specialty….

    Characters who need work:

    Meg (Sparks)

    Ian (Gabriel)

    Jazz (Nightshade)

    Maybe a little for:

    Pierce (Bladedge)

    Darren (Psyche, but I want a better name)

    Connor (Aura Master)

    Characters I may erase:

    Alan (mentioned as Blake in the above) A villain character, super strength.

    We already have a bad boy in our villains, if you don’t count Scarlet (Pierce).

    I was nervous about Scarlet’s background, I want no cliche for my main villain. Especially since he comes back in Doomsday.

    – Wings the Hater of Cliches

  32. Ragged Boyon 24 Feb 2009 at 5:49 pm

    Revenge against a shunning world is probably the most cliche of all cliche villian motives.

    Well let’s start with Meg. What does she need work with?

  33. Wingson 24 Feb 2009 at 5:54 pm

    Here – for the moment- is Meg:

    Name: Meg Reed “Sparks”
    Age in The Specials: 17
    Age in Doomsday: 19
    Eye Color: Brown
    Hair Color and Style: Thick, dark brown hair falls to just below shoulders
    Power(s): Electricity manipulator
    Power Uses:
    – Immune to all forms of electricity
    – Can summon thunderstorms with sufficient clouds
    – Can create a “lightning hoverboard” in stormy conditions
    – Can attack foes with lightning bolts, arrows, spears, etc.
    Costume: There never seems to be one signature outfit, but a yellow top and shorts over black leggings and a black long sleeved shirt are her most common attire choices.
    Pros of Personality:
    – Protective
    – Tactical
    – Intelligent
    – Friendly
    – Spunky
    Cons of Personality:
    – Easily roused when a friend is hurt
    – Impatient
    – A little over-protective
    – Is known for making elaborate strategies which she always ends up breaking eventually

    This is the basic form. I’ll give more later, ok?

    – Wings the Creator

  34. Holliequon 26 Feb 2009 at 1:31 pm

    That seems like a good start for Meg’s personality, but her flaws seem a bit . . . token (for example, over-protective is a ‘flaw’ often attached to MCs without many flaws, and it can make them really annoying to read. Easily angered when a friend is hurt is another common one (and basically the same as ‘protective’. Impatient is something a lot of game-MCs have in common, I think, though I haven’t seen it as often in novels). Also, why would she make elaborate strategies if she’s impatient? It doesn’t strike me as very likely that overly complicated plans would succeed. That puts some doubt on her intelligence. (Which is a trap Twilight fell into. We’re told that Bella is intelligent, but we rarely see anything that shows that.)

    For more substantial flaws, she might be a little arrogant (she’s overprotective because she thinks people need her help . . . whether they do or not). Friendly and arrogant is a strange combination, but I think it could work out (maybe instead of lording it over people she tries to help them improve – they’re nowhere near her standard, but it’s a start). Also, somebody who is impatient seems likely to be impulsive as well. That doesn’t gel with the creation of these elaborate strategies. She seems more likely to rush in with a basic plan, especially if someone is in danger. I’d reccomend tweaking this part of her personality.

    Depending on whether you go with the impulsive or strategic angle, you might want to add another flaw. If strategic, she may be unable to see the bigger picture because she’s too focused on details. Maybe most of her plans depend on her, because she doesn’t trust anybody else to get them right (wait, that’s arrogance again >.<) – or maybe she’s the opposite, and the plans fail/don’t go as well as she hoped because she expects everybody to do better than they actually do.

    If she’s impulsive, she might well be a little insensitive, or say insensitive things because she doesn’t think them through (again, I think this is unusual to pair with friendly, but it could work). Another alternative might be to make her blunt.

    What do you think? You don’t have to go with any of these personality traits, but they should give you something to think about.

  35. Ragged Boyon 26 Feb 2009 at 3:18 pm

    I think Holliequ’s ideas are spot-on. Her suggestions, personality-wise, are also good to give Meg some depth. Although, insensitivity may make a character hard to like.

    The personality she has now is a bit generic, and seems more fitting of a side-character. In my opinion, a character should have at least one notable flaw. Imperfections makes a character interesting. For example, my character, Adrian, is super impulsive, so much so that he blatantly left school in the middle of the school day to investigate an odd sighting. Of course, this will lead to consequences, but consequences keep your character from being a Mary Sue.

    I think you should go with something along the lines of, the unknowing arrogance that Hollie suggested. I think then your character will be fresher, and still likable despite having a negative trait.

  36. Wingson 01 Mar 2009 at 4:59 pm

    To RB and H-

    Meg does need help, probably the most out of all my characters.

    By a little overprotective I mean that she doesn’t trust most of the characters (Connor especially, Ian and perhaps Darren) to be able to take care of themselves.

    Take Connor for instance: Although he has one of the most powerful abilities (aura) in the beginning she wants him to stay out of the fights, stay sheltered (this reflects his earliest ability: aura force fields). After she’s defeated and captured midbook, she gets a reality check of sorts, and accepts that Connor is able to take care of himself and doesn’t always need her (another reflection: This is the same time as when Connor discovers his offensive power, driving home the point that he can help himself).

    She tries to shoulder altogether too much responsibility at times, and she is, yes, a little arrogant. She never thinks before she acts, and when she does actually attempt a plan, she normally ends up “winging it” (no pun intended) halfway through.

    This help?

    – Wings

  37. Holliequon 06 Mar 2009 at 7:23 pm

    That sounds like a workable personality for a main character, but I would suggest you give her faith in the abilities of at least one person (probably her “right hand man” or “deputy), and not stop anybody else from participating in fights (just trying to make them take a back seat). I think it could come off as Mary Sue-ish if she wins all these fights practically single-handedly.

    What sort of personality does her “right hand” have? I’m just inquiring because I think it’s important that they balance her out somewhat (they’ll probably have a more realistic approach to things, know people’s strengths better, try to calm her down and make plans etc).

    For example (and I hate to use my own characters as an example, because I think it can come off as arrogant, but I can’t think of any other decent examples offhand), Zoe is more of a get-up-and-do type than Victor is. She gets him doing things, which is important since he’s kinda lazy and passive. On the other hand, Victor is more cautious and easy-going; he’s sorta there to stop Zoe blowing her top and getting herself [them] in trouble (and she’ll find a lot of things to get angry at in my world, but that’s something else, haha).

  38. Wingson 08 Mar 2009 at 12:52 pm

    Hmmm….

    Meg’s main right hand is probably Ian. He’s really laid back and is usually trying to calm her down, usually keeping her from doing something she’ll regret. However, he’s a bit too easygoing, often failing to grasp how bad a situation really is, which is where Meg’s impulsiveness comes in handy- she motivates him a lot.

    Oh, and news flash-

    I’ve ditched the characters Zak, Alexis, and Adriana/Lucia. They had practically no real use anyway, and they never *did* anything, you know?

    – Wings!!!!

  39. Holliequon 08 Mar 2009 at 2:17 pm

    That’s good news! Unneccesary characters mean you often spend less time on your main ones (trust me, I’ve done the too-many-characters thing, and it’s not pretty).

    Hmm. Anything else on Ian apart from laidback/easy-going?

  40. Wingson 08 Mar 2009 at 4:00 pm

    Let’s see….

    He’s crushing on Heather Reynolds, a popular senior in Meg’s class, who Meg detests and is *surprise surprise* one of the bad guys. He loves cookies, anything sugary. He’s a little naive.

    As to the three I took out, one has been moved to the sequel with a new personality and power. The other two have been knocked out and mailed to the recycle bin.

    – Wings

  41. Holliequon 08 Mar 2009 at 4:09 pm

    Crushing on Heather Reynolds and having a sweet tooth aren’t really personality traits.

    Easy-going
    Naive

    Hmm. Does he fancy Heather because she’s a popular senior? That tells us more about him than just having a crush does. (Maybe he’s judgemental, wants to be liked, etc.)

  42. B. Macon 09 Mar 2009 at 3:49 am

    Why does Meg hate Heather Reynolds? Is it because she’s insecure and/or jealous that Heather is more popular than she is?

    Hmm. On the sweet-tooth, yeah… I agree that isn’t much of a flaw. Generally, I think the best flaws are the ones that lead the characters to make major mistakes. For example, an impulsive character might rush into something and fail miserably. A more patient and careful character might wait too long to act and the team might move in only after it’s too late to do anything. I couldn’t really see the sweet-tooth ever amounting to a major mistake, though. (Edmund from the Chronicles of Narnia did sell out his family for chocolate, but clearly his flaw was his jealousy and unfaithfulness, not what was used to tempt him).

    Overprotectiveness could lead to a major mistake, but too often the author doesn’t take it far enough and it’s just another example of how friendly and supportive the character is. Ick. I’d recommend playing it up with trust issues: maybe she doesn’t trust other characters to survive without her. And I’d recommend having the other characters take issue with her lack of trust. It wouldn’t be the first time this setup has been used (Leonardo from TMNT, Robin from Teen Titans, Green Lantern from Justice League, for example) but it could be worse.

  43. Wingson 09 Mar 2009 at 9:48 am

    Ian likes Heather because he’s too blinded by what she looks like (she’s a “platinum haired goddess”, quote from The Special) and doesn’t notice how mean she is to other people. He’s a little too focused on looks, and like most people, wouldn’t mind the leap in popularity that dating Heather would bring. I think that people will like him because he’s easy to relate to. After all, who doesn’t ever dream about dating the hottest guy/girl or being super popular? I mean, come on. Everyone does at some point.

    Ian continues his infatuation with Heather until it begins to die off midbook. He starts to grasp that appearances can be deceiving when a certain shapeshifter (Jazz) helps him escape from Scarlet’s lair. (It’s not every day that a talking boa constrictor comes to rescue you, right?)

    Meg hates Heather because she’s cruel to others (a give-in) and because Meg and Heather were once best friends, but Heather ditched her for popularity. (This situation exists, I’ve had it happen to me)

    “They resumed chatting (or rather, Ian continued extolling Heather’s nonexistent virtues while Meg alternately rolled her eyes and crammed papers into her bag).”

    – quote from The Special

    It’s later shown that Heather doesn’t care for her friends or family (shown when she makes her 7 year old sister into a hypnotized supersoldier). Basically, Heather wants everything, and she’s not going to stop trying to get it.

    I’d like to push the overprotective issue with Meg. She’s contantly telling Connor to stay out of fights. In the beginning, the team of four (Meg, Ian, Connor, and Darren) is at a disadvantage because Connor either can’t come (doesn’t go to the school, he has to be snuck out) or can’t fight because of Meg, and Darren, being in a wheelchair, is unable to particapate in most fights. They start to gain strength when Connor’s aura blasts appear and Meg lets him fight, and later when Jazz joins the team.

    Helpful?

    – Wings

    (Fun fact: The idea for The Special first came about when I was playing dodgeball at school an everyone kept treating it like a game of life or death. I started thinking what it would be like if it really was a game of life or death, and The Special was born)

  44. Holliequon 09 Mar 2009 at 5:12 pm

    So Ian having a crush on Heather does tell us a few things: superficial, easily misled (? I’m not sure if this is Heather misleading him or Ian misleading himself), and possibly optimistic.

    Hmm. Right now, Ian isn’t seeming like a very um, “tough” character. He seems more like somebody Meg would want to protect than somebody she would let influence her decisions. Do you have any pieces of dialogue for him? (For example, if he’s often sarcastic or loud, he might seem like more of a forceful character than his personality suggests).

    Also, I’m slightly concerned that the Heather/Meg relationship will be influenced too strongly by your own experience. For example, Heather right now is pretty much out and out bad (selling her own 7 year old sister into hypnotisim?). Now, that’s not neccesarily unlikely and/or bad for an antagonist. But I’m just wondering if this has been too strongly influenced by your own experiences. That does happen sometimes, and it can lead to um, unrealistic events I guess is the best term. I’m not really sure.

    I’m sorry if this comes across as rude or something . . . I don’t mean it that way. Obviously, you’re the best judge of anything like that. Consider this, um, advice?

  45. Wingson 10 Mar 2009 at 8:53 am

    I haven’t typed many Ian moments yet…..

    I may have to toughen him up. Meg mostly is the sarcastic one..

    “Meg groaned as she followed her friend’s gaze and noticed the object of Ian’s lack of brainwaves, or as he liked to call it, love.”
    – on Ian liking Heather, The Special

    In the beginning, Meg is *probably* the toughest character. (Darren is usually stuck on the sidelines because of his paralysis, and Connor’s presence is determined on when Ian can spring him from Meg’s house)

    Besides Meg, Jazz and Pierce are the toughest characters right now, and Pierce is an antagonist for almost the whole book. Plus, jazz only comes about 3/4 way of the book.

    Help, please!

    – Wings

  46. Holliequon 10 Mar 2009 at 9:28 am

    What do you think about switching Ian and Jazz around, and Ian is the one who appears 3/4 of the way through the book? Or you could bring Jazz’s entrance forward.

    Alternatively, you could swap some aspects of Jazz and Ian’s personality around. Ian might still be crushing on Heather (superficial, desire to be popular), but he could take some of Jazz’s tougher traits. Jazz in return would be a bit more innocent and naive.

    What do you think?

  47. Wingson 10 Mar 2009 at 9:58 am

    I can’t switch Ian and Jazz at this point. But I can try to have Jazz put in an earlier appearance. She appears under the name Nightshade about 2/5 through, when she lets Ian escape in the form of a boa constrictor and then a horse. Ian begins to toughen up at this point, and his crush on Heather has noticeably faded.

    The strange thing about Jazz is that she doesn’t know who’s side she belongs on, good or evil. Therefore, her status is referred to as “Limbo” for about half the book.

    Any other suggestions for Ian, Holliequ?

    – Wings

  48. Holliequon 10 Mar 2009 at 10:10 am

    Hmm. The only thing left is to re-vamp his personality slightly.

    Instead of naive, you could make him a more pessimistic sort of character, or realistic where Meg is idealistic. I think the naivety and implied innocence is the problem at this point. I don’t think a naive/innocent character is a bad thing, but it seems like Connor (as the younger character) would be the best choice for that – maybe Darren.

    What do you think?

  49. Wingson 10 Mar 2009 at 10:39 am

    Connor is a child genius, and he’s mature for his age. Although he’s only eleven, he manages to grasp just how bad the situation is almost from the beginning. Meg keeps trying to keep him out of the way to protect him, and he starts to seriously grow up. When his powers start to change on their own (this happens to all characters throughout the book) and he gains his mindblasts, he starts to come into his own and becomes one of the main powerhouses of the team.

    Darren has serious self-esteem issues, and he’s very insecure (he always feels helpless being stuck in a wheelchair and unable to really help). He never really becomes confident throughout the book, and his main goal is to get his brother (Pierce) back. His telekinesis allows him to help, but he’s still mainly stuck on the sidelines even after he gains the ability to erase memories ( i try not to kill anyone outright, because I don’t think that any of the Specials, possibly excluding Pierce, are ready to kill).

    We all know Meg, our impulsive leader…

    Which leaves Ian. Our white-winged healer friend still needs his personality fixed. I’m kind of stuck here. I can’t really drastically change him at this point, I’ve planned too far.

    – Wings who has Writer’s Block

  50. Holliequon 10 Mar 2009 at 10:58 am

    How old is Connor? He may be mature for his age, but still more innocent and naive than the rest of them.

    Hmm. Which parts of the story is Ian’s current personality crucial? I think a plot outline might help me a bit if that is the case. Are there specific events when a specific action of his moves the plot forward?

  51. Wingson 10 Mar 2009 at 11:10 am

    Oh, one thing….

    Here are the types of heroes/villains in The Special’s world.

    Gifted – Gifted are basically the people who are given powers by Heather. Their powers disappear when Connor touches them, they aren’t bonded to the person at all. People whose powers have been increased/amplified by the Titan’s Diamond also fall under this heading.

    Notable Gifted: Alyssa Reynolds “Warp”
    Scarlet
    Pierce Newton “Bladedge”

    Artificial Naturals – Artificial Naturals, or A-Nats for short, are the heroes and villains who received their powers from Scarlet’s chemical or (Doomsday only) a boiled shard of the Titan’s Diamond. These powers can be removed by the Titan’s Diamond without any harm toward the person in question.

    Notable Artificial Naturals: Meg Reed “Sparks”
    Ian White ” Gabriel”
    Connor Reed “Aura Master”
    Jazz Sheridan “Nightshade”
    Darren Newton “Psyche”
    Pierce Newton “Bladedge”

    True Naturals – True Naturals, T-Nats for short, are the rarest type, as their powers were acquired at birth because of a mutation in the persons DNA. Their powers can be removed by the Titan’s Diamond, but removal will also take the person’s consciousness with it, thereby either killing the person or putting them in an irredeemable coma. In Doomsday, captured consciousnesses are able to leave the Titan’s Diamond when touched by another being, this allowing the other consciousness to gain control of the person, shown when Scarlet returns. Little else is known about them.

    Notable True Naturals: Scarlet

    – Wings

    P.s. Connor is 11. I’m in a serious rush now, sorry.

  52. Holliequon 10 Mar 2009 at 11:23 am

    I think even if Connor is mature for his age, people would accept that an 11 year old as innocent and mature. Also, I think “Aura Master” is a slightly cheesy alias. What do you think about just “Aura”?

    Eek, rush. Hopefully you can get back to me on a basic plot outline soon (if you don’t like the idea of sharing your work, you could also email it to me).

  53. Wingson 10 Mar 2009 at 11:34 am

    I actually was originally going with just Aura. It thought it was too short.

    – Wings in a Hurry

  54. Holliequon 10 Mar 2009 at 11:36 am

    Hmm. I disagree, but if you want a longer name, you could try to find some synonyms for aura.

  55. B. Macon 10 Mar 2009 at 11:40 am

    Aura is long enough, but I think it sounds too feminine. Most names that end with “A” are feminine. (Christina vs. Chris, Maria vs. Mario, Josephina or Joanna vs. Joe, etc.)

    If you wanted, you could create a more masculine-sounding version of the name by drawing on walls, barriers, armor or shields. For example, Barrier or Aegis.

  56. Wingson 10 Mar 2009 at 11:41 am

    Let’s see…..

    Ian’s naive nature leads to him being easily tricked and captured. When it came down to him or Connor, he let Connor escape because he knew that, in the long run, Connor’s mental healing was needed by Meg and the others more that he was.

    He’s shut in a recently built prison, too narrow for him to fly out of. He’s pretty pissed at this point. When a boa constrictor slithers through the bars and offers to let him out, he’s a little distrustful but eventually agrees. Referring to herself only as Nightshade, the snake morphs into a horse and carries him until he’s close to where the others are.

    Later, when Ian learns the supposed location of the Titan’s Diamond, he travels to the area, hoping to get it first. On the way, he finds a certain talking black fox who’s after the same thing. Saying she’s decided to join his side (Ian’s a little skeptical), she asks (more like demands) to join him on his search. When she finally decides to trust him, she reveals herself to be Jazz Sheridan, a “quiet goth girl who was always listening to music”.

    Although they ultimately fail at getting the Diamond fist, an new member is added to the team.

    – Wings

    P.S. I like Aura. I didn’t think others would.

    P.P.S. I’ll try posting the overview of the plot sometime, but its LONG.

    P.P.P.S. How an I add notes like Ragged Boy or you at the top?

    P.P.P.P.S. Can I suggest articles?

  57. B. Macon 10 Mar 2009 at 11:50 am

    1. Aura. It’s not bad. My initial reaction is that it sounds feminine, which could be problematic if there are many characters, but there are a few ways to get around the potential for confusion.

    2. Unless it’s extremely long (10+ pages), I don’t think that length will be an issue. If it’s longer than 10 pages, I’d recommend breaking it into segments of 1000-2000 words. Readers would probably find it easier to comment on several segments than one super-long block of text.

    3. If you’d like to post something at the very top of the forum, where it currently says “see comments below,” please let me know what you’d like me to insert. I have some suggestions here, but feel free to do whatever you’d like.

    4. I love it when people suggest articles.

  58. Wingson 10 Mar 2009 at 11:50 am

    I like Aegis, but I’m trying to stay away from Greek terms (I’m seriously pushing it with two characters in the sequel).

    – Wings

  59. Ragged Boyon 10 Mar 2009 at 11:50 am

    Your event sounds good. Although I wonder, how many quiet characters do you have? I’ve noticed that alot of girls are particularly fond of quiet characters. I wonder why.

    I agree Aura sounds pretty femeinie, I like Aegis.

    I doubt your impression of “long” is the same as our impression of “long.” Haha. You should have seen when Brett was active.

    To add notes you’ll have to consult with B. Mac.

    (See above for article suggestion)

  60. Holliequon 10 Mar 2009 at 12:05 pm

    Instead of Ian being tricked and captured (which seems to be the part that you need that “naive and innocent” bit for), what do you think of Connor trying to help Meg by [insert something here], Ian coming to rescue him, and getting caught in his place?

    I don’t think Ian’s actions after this suggest naive and innocent. He actually sounds more sceptical (finds it difficult to trust Nightshade as the boa constrictor and black fox). Although this is probably because of the capture and part of his superficial thing. Hmm.

  61. Wingson 10 Mar 2009 at 12:16 pm

    I like that! I can also work that in more smoothly.

    He is a little too superficial, and wouldn’t you be pissed if you were locked in a freaking DUNGEON?

    Plus, I probably wouldn’t trust the talking animal who won’t tell you her name but wants to join you anyway.

    – Wings

  62. Holliequon 10 Mar 2009 at 12:24 pm

    I would be pissed if I was locked in a dungeon. With a healthy amount of sacred thrown in. 🙂 Haha, I wasn’t trying to take issue with that, sorry if it came across that way.

    I thought he might be more likely to trust the talking animal the second time around.

  63. Wingson 10 Mar 2009 at 12:28 pm

    I didn’t mean it that way. I want it to feel realistic, so i asked you.

    – Wings!!!!

  64. Wingson 12 Mar 2009 at 8:58 am

    Hey everyone.

    I’ve been searching on superhero name creators like this:

    http://www.seventhsanctum.com/generate.php?Genname=superheronameorg

    since I’m not fond of any of the boys’ names now (Pierce and Connor need new names, I dislike Darren’s and I’m not too fond of Ian’s.).

    I have a HUGE assignment due so you guys might not see much of me today.

    – Wings the FREAKING OVERWORKED

  65. Holliequon 12 Mar 2009 at 1:52 pm

    Um, so you’re wanting to change your character’s aliases?

    I’m afraid I’m probably not much help with that. I’m not sure if I would trust that site, though. Names that end in “Gal” or “Lass” don’t tend to work.

    I actually quite like “Gabriel” for Ian. If you want something different, I might suggest researching gods/angels to get an idea. (What about ‘Mercury’? I’ve no idea if that’s taken, though).

    What do you think of ‘Titan’ for Pierce? (I’m not really sure where that one came from, to be honest). For Darren, ‘Neuron’ or ‘Psion/Psionic’? I’m not sure. For a slightly different feel, you might give him a superhero name based on his disability. Not sure what that could be, though.

  66. Wingson 13 Mar 2009 at 9:22 pm

    Yeah, but i’m worried about Ian being confused with Archangel of the X-men.

    Titan makes me think of titanium. i likes!

    Psionic sounds good as well.

    – Wings who must LEAVE AT ONCE!!!!

  67. Holliequon 14 Mar 2009 at 8:22 am

    Hmm. Maybe you could try a bird-themed name? (I’m not very familiar with Archangel, so I don’t know how similar the characters are. But I would say that if their personalities and role are pretty different then that’s probably enough to distinguish them).

  68. Marissaon 15 Mar 2009 at 6:33 am

    Wings,

    Okay, I’m going to try and give suggestions, but first, my thoughts on naming in general. The whole ‘teach a guy to fish’ metaphor, y’know? I’ve got… (Hold on, actually gotta count ’em up real fast.) Thirty five fully-developed and named superheroes and supervillains in my novel, seven being the main characters, so I’ve had a lot of work on this. In fact, I’m going to give examples from my work, even though I’m incredibly paranoid, after I’ve put so many months in on this.

    I’m going to number them, more for my sake than yours.

    1. Think about where they got the name. Did they name themself? Did someone else name them? This actually changes things a lot more than you’d realize, because you have to factor in their personality. Take this example:
    — BLACK FLAME. He’s one of my mains, and he actually came with the name, no matter whether I like it or not, but then I realized: It fits him. Why? Because when he first found out he had powers, when they were picking aliases, he was taking things about as seriously as high school math. (Okay, he liked math, bad example.) But the point is, at the time, he didn’t see the harm in throwing out some painfully obvious name, and would much rather spend time playing pyro. You can guess his power from his name alone, I’m guessing, or pretty close to. In the beginning, when MC7 (using numbers so I don’t confuse you. Black Flame’s 4, in case you’re curious) is first meeting the rest of the team, most give both their real name and their alias. Black Flame just introduces himself as “Zach”, and when MC7 later asks what his alias is, he’s actually a little bit sheepish about it.

    — NINE. She’s one of the more prominent minor characters. She’s numerokinetic, which is a long story in itself, one I’ll pass on since we’re talking about naming. Her real name’s Persephone, but she’s gone by Nine since as long as she could remember. She was a science-lab kid, probably not a test tube baby, but since she has powers, she was studied in the name of science. She has a “9” tattooed below her left ear (which she surrounded in an intricate grid of other tattoos, so it’s not as prominent a brand). This name not only shows her power, but it connects very intricately to her past. Now, she doesn’t object so much to the name itself, just where it came from. This is an example of someone else naming them something fitting. My next example…

    — OCTOBER. See, his real name’s August Raid, and snarky-and-eternally-cocky MC6, a long-time friend of his, said that it’d be the perfect disguise, because nobody with a month name is stupid enough to use another month as their alias. Since he’s not an active superhero, and the alias is just kind of for play, he let it fly. This is an example of someone else naming them something that reflects more the other person’s personality. The name “October” may be suitable, but the irony is a trademark example of MC6’s work.

    Think. If they DID name themselves, what would they consider? Would they want to seem impressive? Would they make it snarky and humorous? Would they mind cliche, or would they stick to something original?

    2. It doesn’t have to reflect their power. I know this is already out there, common knowledge, but still, keep it in mind. My MC7, Horizon, has aerokinetic and acrobatic abilities. I suppose being aerokinetic might maybe have to do with the horizon, but also take into consideration that she’s got flaming red hair. Now does it fit? Power alone wouldn’t have pulled that off, for her. And a main villain, Debonair? His power is something like a deathtouch. As in, touch skin, it melts and/or blackens, touch metal and it rusts, touch wood and it rots. But he’s the guy you’ll always see in a suit with slicked-back hair, who always knows the right thing to say to slide into many a heart.

    3. Combining words can actually be pulled off, sometimes. For example, one of the Base’s on-call medical staff (the Base is where the MC team, the SENTRY, live) goes by Vismal. Well, he goes by his real name now, since he doesn’t do offensive work anymore, but… His power is, he can see physical weakness, be it a naturally weak ankle or a wound that’s not quite healed. Dismal vision, Vismal. The thing about that is, the name can’t just be two chunks of two different words. it has to sound right as its own separate word. For example, switched into the right order, his name would be Dision. Dis from dismal, -ision from vision. Does that flow nearly as well? No.

    4. Honestly? This is just my opinion, so be warned, but I’m going to lay it down straight: -kid, -man, -woman, -boy, anything like that? Not gonna work. I would not pick up a book or comic book if the MC spent half his time as (power)-kid. Even if it’s got no hyphen, like “Superman” (which is another hate-rant on its own), it’s not going to work. Those worked when superheroes were newer, and the whole concept was novel and cool. Now, we of this generation have to work a lot harder to make things work. That retro-style naming may have worked back then, but as we shift into the age of technology and urbanization, the names that have appeal are sounding a lot different.

    5. Whatever it is, it has to sound good. If you’re even a sliver unhappy with how it sounds if you read it out loud, you’re not going to like it repeated over and over when it’s famous.

    Okay, I’m done with that now. Sorry about all that. :-/

    As for my suggestions… (And I’m dipping into my name-bank for this, so pardon me if it fails, I’m a little bit iffy about handing out my best.)

    CONNOR.
    (Formerly Aura.)
    Aura is impossibly feminine. I’d question his judgment if he let that one fly. I know he’s the youngest, but give him some dignity. He might pick the name, but SOMEONE ought to be nice enough to tell him he’s not going to like it when he’s older. As for actual suggestions, I’ve not got any yet, though I’m looking. On second thought (a little too lazy at this time of night to go back and erase), you could make it passably masculine by adding an ‘n’. Auran. I still don’t like it, to be honest, but… Meh. I’m not sure what you could replace it with, though. Not much else matches the ‘aura’ power… I can probably come back with something sometime when it’s daylight.


    Oh, and I just now noticed, after typing all that, that you picked Titan already. Do’h. Not too fond of it, myself, but I’m just too picky.

    DARREN.
    (Formerly Psyche.)
    …Paying attention before I write, this time. You chose Psionic for sure?

    IAN.
    (Formerly Gabriel.)
    I too like Gabriel. Do you just dislike it because it’s too close to Archangel? Because I do think there are ways around that… You could do it the hard but safe way, make sure your character’s personality and such are totally his own, or you could play it cheap like I do (though an author can only afford it once per book, since it’s such a cheap move) and separate them more blatantly. Like… These are probably way out of character, but this is just an example: Gabriel = “I’m Gabriel.” A friend = “He can fly.” A skeptical someone else = “[A laugh.] What, like Archangel?” The friend = “No. Like Gabriel.” Or something… Okay, that was incredibly poorly written, please don’t hold that against me, it’s actually four A.M. right now. Thinking back on it, you might get sued for that… I’d have to check. Anyway, that was just a way you could KEEP Gabriel, since I happen to like it. As for other names…

    I’ve got a winged-man issue myself; his name’s Icarus, like the boy who made wax wings from the old Greek tales, but he’s ending up a little too… Well, before I read the Maximum Ride books, I had him as a bird-man, but now that I have, I’m kicking myself for how close they are. If you like that name, it’s yours.

    Let’s see, what else flies? Since you’re changing Aura, you could get away with Aero, which sounds like Arrow, which also flies. Then there are a large, large number of birds. Hawk is simple, but then there’s something like Peregrine, Raptor (but that’s taken, even if not in reference to the bird)… Flamingo? ;D No, I’m totally kidding.

    If flying names are hard to come by, go around it like I would. You could easily give him a healing-related name and just say he discovered his healing powers first, took the name before he realized he could fly. I’d be able to help if I knew how exactly he healed…

  69. Marissaon 15 Mar 2009 at 6:34 am

    Holy sh-… Sorry for that massive massive post, by the way. o.o Didn’t realize I could ramble like that.

  70. B. Macon 15 Mar 2009 at 11:31 am

    I agree wholeheartedly that names with kid, man, woman, boy, lad, etc. generally do not work unless they’re done for parody or satire. They work for Superman and a few other legacy characters from 1930-50, but for a modern character they’re just too hard to take seriously. Even if you’re writing for kids, keep in mind that it’s adults that decide whether to buy the story.

    “Aura is impossibly feminine. I’d question his judgment if he let that one fly. I know he’s the youngest, but give him some dignity. He might pick the name, but someone ought to be nice enough to tell him he’s not going to like it when he’s older.” I agree that it’s girly, but I think it could work if you have an in-story reason for why he wants the name. On the plus side, he’s young so you won’t have any readers wondering if the character is secretly gay or anything like that.

    Blade is probably too cliche and it’s sort of already taken by the hero of a 400 million dollar franchise. So realistically it’s out. However, I don’t think that Bladedge will work, either. I agree with Marissa that the two words combine awkwardly. What would you think about just Edge or a style of sword?

  71. Marissaon 15 Mar 2009 at 1:10 pm

    Eek, missed that. Thanks, B. Mac. I just meant, by way of the given personality and the predisposition toward the name ‘Blade’, that it’s not actually all that bad. But yeah, it’s taken, so feel free to ignore that part of my post.

    I like Edge, too. Good one. If anything, it has the ‘trying too hard to seem bad-ass’ feel rather than the ‘genuine bad-ass’ one, but that can be easily fixed by just… not having him try too hard in general.

  72. Wingson 15 Mar 2009 at 5:04 pm

    Hello Marissa, I don’t believe we’ve met.

    I agree with what you said about the names, and I’m working on that. I’m happy with Meg as Sparks and Jazz as Nightshade.

    One thing about Pierce-

    He wasn’t able to choose his name, he was named by Scarlet. Titan is a pretty good name for him simply because of the circumstances surrounding it. (Pierce became a vital part of the story after the Titan’s Diamond was found and Scarlet tested the effects of a shard on him. This turned him into their ultimate supersoldier – his power, already seriously deadly beforehand, was in the range of apocalyptic now. It would make sense for Scarlet to dub him Titan, considering the strength of the power and the roots of it, right?)

    I wasn’t too fond of Bladedge either. But, in my strange little mind, it was better than Blade.

    As to Ian-

    I do like the name Gabriel, but Ian’s powers are also pretty close to Archangel’s already. Of course, it would be kind of funny if he knew a lot about the X-Men….

    And on Connor-

    Although Connor’s intelligence is on the verge of genius, he still is only an eleven year old boy. He should have something powerful sounding, preferably short.

    Last but not least, Darren-

    Darren, right now, is my hardest character to work with. Since the only superhero comics I’ve read are really old, the only disabled superhero (that I know of) is Daredevil.

    I’m stuck on his personality right now. I have two separate personalities for him right now:

    1. This Darren has serious self-esteem issues, and he’s very insecure (he always feels helpless being stuck in a wheelchair and unable to really help). He never really becomes confident throughout the book, and his main goal is to get his brother (Pierce) back. His telekinesis allows him to help, but he’s still mainly stuck on the sidelines even after he gains the ability to erase memories ( I try not to kill anyone outright, because I don’t think that any of the Specials, possibly excluding Pierce, are ready to kill). -(from an old post) He’s never been really comfortable with who he is as a person. Darren’s always seen himself as useless.

    2. This second personality is a little more fiery. This Darren is also insecure, but he wants to do something about it. He’s constantly frustrated with himself because he can’t help his brother, and he’s more vocal about it. He eventually decides that, since there’s no way he’ll be able to walk again, instead of training his body he’ll train his mind. This makes his telekinesis a force to be reckoned with.

    Depending on which one you guys like more, I’ll name him based on that.

    I agree that the name creator I was using is kind of useless:

    ME: *has clicked refresh button about twenty times* THE SAME NAMES KEEP SHOWING UP!

    – Wings the Namer

  73. Marissaon 15 Mar 2009 at 5:24 pm

    No, we’ve not met. And sorry again for that massive fail of a post, I’m… not very good at the all-at-once thing. I usually help people one-on-one over IMs and such, where I can spread things out.

    And oh, alright about Pierce/Titan, that totally makes sense now.

    As for Ian, no need to know a lot about the X-Men, but at least enough to argue his case with someone who says he’s like Archangel might come in handy. It wouldn’t be something you’d accent, but it’d be a personality quirk. (I specified, because if you repeatedly put emphasis on it, it becomes harmful rather than helpful.)

  74. Wingson 15 Mar 2009 at 5:44 pm

    It’s okay. 🙂 I do that a lot.

    – Wings

  75. Ragged Boyon 15 Mar 2009 at 6:29 pm

    I think that Darren should get over his self-esteem issues over the series. Although, he is mostly a side character. It would be very unsatisfying if he starts out bad and ends bad too. It kind of put a damper on your happy(?) ending.

    Readers will say ” Wow, what a good ending. Too bad for Darren though, he’ll probably commit suicide.” At least that’s what I would think.

  76. Wingson 16 Mar 2009 at 9:05 am

    What if I merge Darren’s two personalities?

    I’d get:

    Darren’s still insecure and he retains his self-esteem issues (we first meet him when Meg and Ian find him wedged in a doorway unable to get out). When we’re in his POV, we can tell that he’s frustrated with himself on the inside, and is trying to hide it. Eventually, he starts to accept himself throughout the book (he originally lost his powers in the end, but I’m flip-flopping on that right now).

    How’s that? I still need name suggestions for Darren and Connor, okay?

    – Wings!

  77. Wingson 17 Mar 2009 at 9:25 am

    I’ve been tightening up little things in the book, so I thought I’d publish the revised hero list:

    Leader: Meg “Sparks”, electricity manipulator

    Ian “Gabriel”, flight and physical healing

    Darren “?????”, telekinetic and memory eraser

    Connor “?????”, aura manipulator and mental healing

    Jazz “Nightshade”, animal shapeshifter

    Pierce “Titan”, metal manipulator

    I still need names for Connor and Darren. Help please!

    And our villains:

    Leader: Scarlet, hypnotist and can possess others

    Heather “Empress”, hypnotist and gifter

    Blake “Stonehead”, super strength

    The Setting: Visvires Academy (vis vires is Latin for “powers”, thought it would be perfect)

    – Wings the Busy

  78. Holliequon 17 Mar 2009 at 9:34 am

    Hmm. Why not try looking up some Latin/other language words for Darren and Connor? It makes sense that, being insanely clever, Connor would have at least some knowledge of another language.

    Is it neccesary for the characters to have a name? If it isn’t absolutely crucial, Darren might not even give himself a name. Maybe he doesn’t think he’s good enough to be a superhero, so he doesn’t need one.

  79. Wingson 17 Mar 2009 at 9:45 am

    Alright. Though I don’t remember who asked me for a plot summary (it was either Rags or Holliequ) I’m starting to post one.

    Here we go!

    Prologue

    The prologue begins in a dark room, a science lab of sorts. A figure is seen holding a vial of pulsing red liquid and adding things to it. When nothing he does changes the chemical, he holds it over a blazing fire until the liquid turns black. The reader can tell that this is the desired result when “[t]he dark souled figure’s frenzied, evilly joyous laughter all but chilled the room itself as the nightmarish sound echoed around him, filling the room of darkest night”.(from The Special)

    (Only you guys know that the figure is Scarlet)

    ———-

    I’m tossing around different titles at this point. Here they are:

    The Special (variations as well)

    Not Your Average Heroes (original title)

    How to Save the World (no clue where this came from but it sounds pretty good)

    I also somehow stumbled across the name Headache for Darren, but I’m not too sure about it….

    I was originally in Latin for Pierce, but I’ll check for Connor too.

    Well? Like? Hate?

    -Wings the Confused

  80. Ragged Boyon 17 Mar 2009 at 9:46 am

    I like Hollie’s suggestion to go Latin or another language with Connor.

    As for Darren, how about Mindset? Maybe Daze if he can use his power to confuse people.

  81. B. Macon 17 Mar 2009 at 9:47 am

    Stuporman! 😉

  82. Wingson 17 Mar 2009 at 9:51 am

    @ B. Mac: No. No way. (no offense)

    @ Rags: I kind of like Mindset, hmmm…

    What do you think of the prologue and titles?

    -Wings

  83. Holliequon 17 Mar 2009 at 9:52 am

    Slowpoke! 😛

  84. B. Macon 17 Mar 2009 at 9:54 am

    I was being tongue-in-cheek with Stuporman, obviously. 🙂 Erm, ask Cadet Davis… he’s much better at names than I am.

  85. Holliequon 17 Mar 2009 at 9:55 am

    I like “How to Save the World”. I think it has more style than “The Special”.

    Hmm. Being coy in your prologue might annoy readers. Is there a reason you can’t let them know this is Scarlet? (Also, I’m not sure evilly is a proper word.)

  86. Wingson 17 Mar 2009 at 9:58 am

    Thing is, Scarlet is a secret identity, and I can’t give that away just yet…It will mess up the story…

    I’m also fond of How To Save the World. I wanted to put something like Learning to Save the World, but couldn’t figure out how to work that in.

    The word evilly should be a word in my opinion….(no clue if it is, but it sounded right)

    – Wings the Word Creator

  87. Stefan the Exploding Manon 17 Mar 2009 at 10:03 am

    There has to be a reason for the prologue. I’m not an expert when it comes to these, but if it’s too detached from the rest of the story readers might not welcome the sudden shift from the prologue to the rest of the book. Is this scene going to tie in directly with the stories of your main characters?

    I thought “How to Save the World” pretty effectively describes your book as a superhero novel, but from your previous posts I’m not sure if any world-saving actually happens in your book. I still like it, though.

    Names, names. Headcase for Darren? Panacea for Connor? I always get stuck when it comes to naming heroes with mental abilities.

  88. Wingson 17 Mar 2009 at 10:09 am

    Yeah, I’m trying to work it (the prologue) in more smoothly…..

    I like the title How to Save the World. However, think of it this way. If my heroes lose at all – if Scarlet gains too much headway and gets the battle out to the rest of the world, we’re doomed. Their job is not only winning but making sure no one else finds out about anything.

    I’m stuck actually between Headcase and Mindset for Darren, and I’m going to Google English-to-Latin dictionaries ASAP for Connor.

    – Wings the Google-er

  89. Tomon 17 Mar 2009 at 10:40 am

    How to Save the World is a great title. It doesn’t matter that they’re not QUITE saving the world, or that there’s more to it than that, it’s an eye-catching title and would make people look at your blurb instead of leaving it on the bookshelf.

  90. Wingson 17 Mar 2009 at 10:54 am

    Thanks, your advice means a lot to me. 😉

    I’m working on getting more summaries up.

    – Wings the Gratified

  91. Tomon 17 Mar 2009 at 11:02 am

    One thing- it reminds me of the song ‘How to Save a Life’, I don’t think that would be a problem but I don’t know much about copyright law. I doubt it, but could there be any issues concerning copyright?

  92. Wingson 17 Mar 2009 at 11:07 am

    I don’t think so. The words “How to Save” I believe are okay to lose. I know the song, and I don’t think that they have anything in common (the song’s about suicide, and the closest I have to that is the character Pierce).

    I mean, Pierce is a partially suicidal character, but there isn’t any connection.

    – Wings

  93. Wingson 17 Mar 2009 at 11:07 am

    I meant USE, not LOSE sorry….

    – Wings the Awful Speller

  94. Ragged Boyon 17 Mar 2009 at 1:24 pm

    I don’t think you will have legal issues about the name. If a company were to sue it it would be more negative for them because 1)The concepts are completely different. 2) Prosecuting a person on a slight similiarity in name would only make the company look bad. Companies hate to look bad.

    I like your title, go for it!

  95. Wingson 17 Mar 2009 at 1:35 pm

    Alright! From now on, the title is How to Save the World!

    Thanks everyone!

    – Wings the Happy! 🙂

  96. Ragged Boyon 17 Mar 2009 at 1:43 pm

    Congratulations, finding a good title is usually an arduous process. Luckily, for us comic writers the series is usually named after the main character, group, or location.

    😉

  97. Wingson 17 Mar 2009 at 1:47 pm

    Okay. There’s nothing I can find in Latin for Connor, but maybe my dictionary isn’t that good.

    I like Mindset for Darren, but it doesn’t give me the same (no pun intended) spark that the other names do.

    – Wings

  98. Tomon 17 Mar 2009 at 2:17 pm

    I’m not a big fan of Mindset. For telekinesis and mind alteration, hmm… let me think… Psykid? Kidding. Umm… I don’t know, but I don’t really like Mindset.

    Off the top of my head (no pun intended), how about Brainwave?

  99. Wingson 17 Mar 2009 at 2:33 pm

    Oh, I like that!!!!

    – Wings!

  100. Tomon 17 Mar 2009 at 2:36 pm

    Really? That was a total stray thought! Cool!

  101. B. Macon 17 Mar 2009 at 4:55 pm

    Ragged Boy said: “In comic books, the series is usually named after the main character, group, or location.” That’s definitely true for series titles, but don’t forget that you can name the issues or arcs as well. For example, the series name is Superhero Nation but the first six-issue arc will probably be called something like Manifest Destiny.

  102. Ragged Boyon 17 Mar 2009 at 5:16 pm

    Yeah, I know like X-men: House of M or Batman: Battle for the Cowl.

  103. Stefan the Exploding Manon 18 Mar 2009 at 3:58 am

    There are two characters from DC called Brainwave. There might be copyright issues there, but then again they are fairly minor characters. On the other hand, I actually remember reading an issue of JSA with one of the Brainwaves in it, so maybe he isn’t that minor after all.

  104. B. Macon 18 Mar 2009 at 7:20 am

    Here are a few suggestions for names.
    –Axon
    –Impulse (already taken)
    –the prefix Cere or Cereb
    –the prefix Psych
    –the prefix Ment

  105. Ragged Boyon 18 Mar 2009 at 8:11 am

    What about Cortex?

  106. B. Macon 18 Mar 2009 at 8:16 am

    I like Cortex.

  107. Tomon 18 Mar 2009 at 10:32 am

    Crash Bandicoot’s villain anyone?

  108. B. Macon 18 Mar 2009 at 11:26 am

    Isn’t that Dr. Cortex?

    Also, I think that a video game company is vastly less likely to sue over something like this than, say, Marvel or DC. There is much more potential for brand confusion from one superhero story to another.

  109. Marissaon 18 Mar 2009 at 11:29 am

    I’ve got a pretty main one named Axon, myself. Not that that means you can’t use it.

    I do like Cortex, though. It’s… simple. Crash Bandicoot won’t object.

  110. Wingson 18 Mar 2009 at 3:18 pm

    Still, I’m really fond of the bunch of names right now (Titan, Sparks, Nightshade, and Gabriel) so I’m looking for something that will mesh well with them. Cortex seems too harsh to me right now.

    Psych is kind of nice, but I’m unsure since his original name was actually Psyche.

    – Wings

  111. Wingson 18 Mar 2009 at 3:19 pm

    Oh, sorry. That was me right there.

    – Wings

  112. B. Macon 18 Mar 2009 at 3:24 pm

    I guessed as much, given that you had signed your name at the bottom. 😉 8)

  113. Wingson 18 Mar 2009 at 3:26 pm

    I wanted to assure you guys that I wasn’t an impostor, of course!

    – Wings

  114. Ragged Boyon 18 Mar 2009 at 4:37 pm

    I don’t think Cortex is that harsh, I suspect its on about the same level as Nightshade. But if you don’t like it, you don’t have to use it.

  115. Marissaon 18 Mar 2009 at 8:42 pm

    Wings, even if you were an imposter, you could easily type Wings into the name box. xD;

    And I agree, Cortex isn’t harsh, in my opinion.

  116. Wingson 19 Mar 2009 at 8:54 am

    What I mean by Cortex being harsh is simply the character behind it since Jazz, overall (as Rags said about the name Nightshade) is a tougher character than Darren and therefore should, in my opinion, be tougher namewise as well.

    Get it?

    – Wings

  117. Wingson 19 Mar 2009 at 9:12 am

    Okay, guys….

    I’ve decided to trust you with the REAL prologue. It’s short, but I like it that way.

    Prologue

    The room was dark and dim, lit only by a precariously swinging lamp which creaked as it moved. The faint light flickered eerily over bubbling flasks of mysterious chemicals, fizzing and hissing with heat, colors melding and separating in a psychedelic nightmare. The only living motion was a cloaked figure, his glasses flashing as he hunched over the smallest lab table. The grim figure mixed a vial of bloodred liquid, casting pinches of strange powders and drops of darkly gleaming liquids into it, the figure cursing as the liquid remained resolutely scarlet. He turned abruptly and thrust the vial over a burner, the liquid pulsing as he held it over the heat. The red potion bubbled and crackled as it was heated, the liquid now pulsing as though it was a living heart, still beating as it slowly died.

    The figure focused his gaze on the bubbling chemical, and the pulsating liquid flashed as the burner underneath it blazed upward, an inferno nearly engulfing the fragile glass tube and changing the potent substance from vivid scarlet to the darkest of blacks, as shadowy as the heart which held it in the flames.

    The dark souled figure’s frenzied, evilly joyous laughter all but chilled the room itself as the nightmarish sound echoed around him, filling the room of darkest night.

    ——————————

    It’s a little weird, and I know that “evilly” isn’t a word (at least I don’t think so). Then again, J.K. Rowling invented “muggle”. Then again again, SHE’s the author of a worldwide phenomenon, and I’m a pitiful thirteen year old fanfiction writer.

    So? Whatcha think?

    – Wings!!

  118. Marissaon 19 Mar 2009 at 1:47 pm

    I like it, overall. It’s short, descriptive, and fairly interesting.

    A couple of thoughts…

    I love the details, but they do strange things to the sentences. They make them long and ridden with commas. If you have to re-specify the subject of the sentence in a clause at the end, I’d think about revising the sentence. (“The grim figure mixed a vial of bloodred liquid, casting pinches of strange powders and drops of darkly gleaming liquids into it, the figure cursing as the liquid remained resolutely scarlet.” That’s the one I was referring to.)

    Also, though it doesn’t bother me so much, a few people are going to ask if it’s necessary to keep the figure’s identity concealed. You’ll have to prove that either you’re not being unnecessarily coy, or that it’s the lesser of the two evils. Just get ready for that discussion. In my opinion, with as short as it is, the ‘coyness’ doesn’t bother me.

    Looking back, you use a massive amount of adjectives. Print this out, circle them all. You’ll see what I mean. Are any unnecessary? Could you describe any in other ways?

    Overall, though, I really do like it. Good job!

  119. Holliequon 19 Mar 2009 at 2:02 pm

    Apart from the fact you’re a thirteen-year-old fanfiction writer, there’s a difference between inventing a noun to describe a group of people (um . . . fantasy writers would be in trouble if you couldn’t make words up) and inventing a verb. I don’t think you need to put “evilly” in there anyway. It’s pretty obvious this character is a bad guy.

    Marissa brought up the coyness issue, and yeah, I think there needs to be a good reason for it. Your sentences seem to run on a bit. I think you use too many commas. I would suggest revising this piece a little and trying to use more sentences.

    This prologue is very short. Is it really neccesary? You might want to make it longer. You could show us more of his motives and goals.

  120. Wingson 19 Mar 2009 at 2:35 pm

    I used a ton of adjectives so that, even though the prologue is short, you can clearly see what’s going on in your mind. But I can solve both the comma thing and the long sentences thing if I just break it up a little more. I’ll work on it.

    – Wings

  121. Ragged Boyon 19 Mar 2009 at 3:14 pm

    The word “liquid(s)” is used too much for such a short piece. I suspect you could get away with using it twice if they’re well spaced. Other than that I agree with the above.

  122. Wingson 19 Mar 2009 at 3:17 pm

    Okay, I’ll switch some to chemical(s) and use some other synonyms.

    – Wings

  123. Wingson 23 Mar 2009 at 9:39 am

    Okay! Here’s the revised prologue. I still need help on Scarlet’s backstory though, cliches abound in it.

    Prologue

    Soon, all will be mine.

    The room was dark and dim, lit only by a precariously swinging lamp which creaked as it moved. The faint light flickered eerily over bubbling flasks of mysterious chemicals, fizzing and hissing with heat, colors melding and separating in a psychedelic nightmare. The only living motion was a cloaked figure, his glasses flashing as he hunched over the smallest lab table. The grim figure mixed a vial of bloodred liquid, casting pinches of strange powders and drops of darkly gleaming chemicals into it. He cursed under his breath as the vial’s contents remained resolutely scarlet. He turned abruptly and thrust the vial over a burner, the mysterious substance pulsing as he held it over the heat. The red potion bubbled and crackled as it was heated, the liquid now pulsing as though it was a living heart, still beating as it slowly died.

    I’ll make them regret what they did to me.

    The figure focused his gaze on the bubbling chemical, and the pulsating liquid flashed as the burner underneath it blazed upward, an inferno nearly engulfing the fragile glass tube. The potent substance changed from vivid scarlet to the darkest of blacks, as shadowy as the heart which held it in the flames.

    It is ready. Ready!

    The dark souled figure’s frenzied, horribly joyous laughter all but chilled the room itself as the nightmarish sound echoed around him, filling the room of darkest night.

    World beware – Scarlet is coming.

    ——————————————–

    Well?

    – Wings the Great One

  124. Wingson 23 Mar 2009 at 9:39 am

    Ack!

    The italics took all of it instead of the four single lines!

    – Wings the Confused

  125. Ragged Boyon 23 Mar 2009 at 11:11 am

    I like this piece. It works if you wanted a dark and creepy feel. There are still a lot of adjectives (bloodred liquid, red potion, psychedelic nightmare), you could do without some of them.

    “The dark souled figure’s frenzied, horribly joyous laughter all but chilled the room itself as the nightmarish sound echoed around him, filling the room of darkest night.”

    This sentence is long and sounds kind of awkward, particularly “frenzied, horribly joyous laughter.” I think you could cut at least one of those adjectives out.

  126. B. Macon 23 Mar 2009 at 11:34 am

    I think I’ve fixed it. Let me know if that’s not what you had in mind.

  127. Wingson 24 Mar 2009 at 9:17 am

    Yay! It works! Thanks!

    – Wings

  128. B. Macon 24 Mar 2009 at 9:20 am

    What works?

  129. Wingson 24 Mar 2009 at 9:26 am

    It all works!

    Hmmm…

    I love the phrase “psychedelic nightmare”. Maybe I can cut out some other things. I wanted a dark, creepy feel for the prologue, so I’m happy I succeeded. Anyway, here is the revised prologue again.

    ———————–

    Soon, all will be mine.

    The room was dark and dim, lit only by a precariously swinging lamp which creaked as it moved. The faint light flickered eerily over bubbling flasks of chemicals, fizzing and hissing with heat, colors melding and separating in a psychedelic nightmare. The only living motion was a cloaked figure, his glasses flashing as he hunched over the smallest lab table. The grim figure mixed a vial of bloodred liquid, casting pinches of strange powders and drops of darkly gleaming chemicals into it. He cursed under his breath as the vial’s contents remained resolutely scarlet. He turned abruptly and thrust the vial over a burner, the mysterious substance pulsing as he held it over the heat. The red potion bubbled and crackled as it was heated, the liquid now pulsing as though it was a living heart, still beating as it slowly died.

    I’ll make them regret what they did to me.

    The figure focused his gaze on the bubbling chemical, and the pulsating liquid flashed as the burner underneath it blazed upward, an inferno nearly engulfing the fragile glass tube. The potent substance changed from vivid scarlet to the darkest of blacks, as shadowy as the heart which held it in the flames.

    It is ready. Ready!

    The dark souled figure’s frenzied, joyous laughter all but chilled the room itself as the horrific sound echoed around him, filling the room of darkest night.

    World beware – Scarlet is coming.

    ——————–

    I’m really fond of it right now. Once it’s properly finished, I’ll post part of Chapter One: Five to Freedom.

    – Wings the MAGNIFICENT!!!

    P.S. B. Mac, could you do the italics again?

  130. Wingson 24 Mar 2009 at 1:21 pm

    Okay. I just found two synonyms for the word aura for Connor’s name: Halo and Nimbus. Thoughts?

    – Wings

  131. Holliequon 24 Mar 2009 at 2:09 pm

    Halo sounds very angelic, which could get people confused with Gabriel (or whatever you’re calling him now). I think Nimbus is okay.

  132. Wingson 24 Mar 2009 at 2:56 pm

    I kind of like Nimbus. I’ll have to ask Connor’s inspiration what he thinks about it when he gets home from school. (Connor is based on a little boy I know).

    Ian is still Gabriel, and he’s going to stay that way. Now only Darren needs a name….Maybe Mindwave (since Brainwave is taken).

    – Wingsy Wings Wings

  133. Wingson 26 Mar 2009 at 8:17 am

    Okay! Here’s the first part of Chapter One: Five To Freedom!

    Five minutes.

    The slim hands of the clock moved slowly on, the slender girl whose deep brown eyes were focused tightly on its face affecting it none, for it still was ticking on agonizingly slowly as the seconds passed.

    Meg Reed tore her eyes from the clock and glanced swiftly around the room, seeking a way to make the moments fly faster, to make the minutes pass more speedily. Finding none, her gaze returned to the clock, her mind once again fixed on the time so severely it was as if her very life depended on watching.

    Two minutes.

    Three fragments of time had moved on, the last two passing with an agonizingly slowness, a sharp hiss of impatience leaving Meg’s mouth. Her limbs were tensed to leap out of her seat and tear out the door, her fingers already inching toward the strap of her backpack. Her ears strained for the sound that would set her free.

    DRANG!

    The school bell rang, sounding like a mixture of a broken alarm clock and a sick rooster. But to Meg and the other students, it was the sound of freedom and the fight song of the new weekend’s beginning.

    Meg raced to the door, her sneakered feet flying across the tattered carpet, leaping over a chair in her haste to get out, to breathe air not tainted by school, to fill her lungs with sweet freedom after five days of drudgery.

    Soaring through the halls of Visvires Academy and dodging the equal haste of other students, Meg soon glimpsed a familiar face.

    Ian White had shouldered his dirt-dusted ivory backpack, his tousled blond hair gleaming slightly as he reached the door. One year Meg’s junior, Ian was sixteen and reveling in freedom. In his and Meg’s opinion, he was in the best part of life, learning to drive the sleek white car parked carefully (albeit crookedly) outside the school.

    As Ian held the door for Meg, a slim, darkhaired junior with an ipod slung around her neck slipped past him, muttering something undiscernable as she passed. Ian paused for a moment to look strangely at the passing figure’s back. “What’s up with her?” He said, more to himself then to Meg.

    Meg, however, had heard. “You should know better than me. Isn’t she in your grade?”

    “Who knows, who really cares. Let’s just get out of here.”

    Although Visvires Academy was small and remote, the small student population was diverse, as the school took in nearly all students of high school age. The school had been built in a rocky, wooded area, the college prep school not only teaching, but housing and feeding the students who lived as well as learned there.

    Sunlight winked off Meg’s bangles as she ran down the stairs with Ian. Even the weight of her overloaded book bag seemed lighter when one knew there was nothing to worry about for the next few days.

    I love the weekends.

    ————————–

    Here ya go, read and enjoy!

    – Wings the Ultimate One

  134. Stefan the Exploding Manon 26 Mar 2009 at 8:29 am

    I like it. The tone really fits what you’ve set up with the background and the characters previously. Just a few things I’d like to bring up before B.Mac does. (:

    – “Three fragments of time” is a little awkward here. I assume you mean minutes so maybe it would be better to stick with that? It confused me a little.

    – “ipod” should be spelt “iPod”

    – We cannot tell much about Meg from this first bit, other than the fact that she’s bored. She needs to be more compelling.

    I’d love to see more of the story so keep it coming!

  135. Wingson 26 Mar 2009 at 8:59 am

    I was worried it would be too dramatic, but this is seriously how I feel on Fridays. I’m trying to build suspense, then take it away as the reader realizes that she’s only waiting for the bell to ring.

    I wanted to portray Meg as impatient in this scene, and Ian as relaxed and laid back.

    Did anyone realize that the girl with the iPod was Jazz?

    *coughFORESHADOWINGcough*

    Here’s Part 2 of Five to Freedom!

    The two friends hadn’t gone far before Ian suddenly stopped, stock still, in the middle of the sidewalk Meg crashed right into him, causing both teens to fall, her bag taking the final straw as it spontaneously burst open, papers escaping and moving on to places unknown.

    Plucking a pencil out of Ian’s hair, Meg snatched up a nearby page of history notes and unceremoniously stuffed it into the remains of her bag. “Everything still work?”

    Ian made no reply as he stared straight ahead, eyes vacant. Meg waved her hand in front of his face. When no response came, she turned and snatched a wayward physics quiz out of midair. Houston, we have a negative on the working of Ian’s brain.

    Several minutes later, when Ian still showed no sign of life, Meg decided to resort to drastic measures. Raising her hand, she smacked Ian resoundingly across the face with a sharp “COME BACK TO EARTH, IAN!”

    Ian resumed blinking, noticeably breathing, and many other factors that we attribute to human life as we know it. However, the sandy haired boy still stared straight ahead at a certain platinum haired goddess across the way.

    Meg groaned as she followed her friend’s gaze and noticed the object of Ian’s lack of brainwaves, or as he liked to call it, love.

    Heather Reynolds glided through the other students with her usual retinue of wanna-bes. Ian wasn’t the only boy who had fallen for the blue-eyed beauty’s charms. Meg could see a veritable brigade of boys checking her fellow senior out as she strode to the ice-blue convertible parked in the closest possible spot. As one of her wanna-bes opened the door for her, she sedately shoved the girl in front of her aside without a glance back and got in, waving as though a queen would to her adoring populace.

    Meg shook her head as Heather drove off. “I can’t believe, that out of all the girls in the school, you had to like her.” she said as she noticed the girl Heather had pushed pick herself off the ground, snatch her purse, and walk away. God, of all the people….

    “Meg, maybe she’s changed.”

    “Yeah, and maybe we won’t get a boatload of homework next Monday. Dream on, Ian. It’s not gonna happen.”

    “Someday, she’ll see the light…..” Ian said almost adoringly as he watched the frosty blue car vanish in the distance.

    Meg rolled her eyes at her friend’s idiocy.

    They resumed chatting (or rather, Ian continued extolling Heather’s nonexistent virtues while Meg alternately rolled her eyes and crammed papers into her bag).

    Once the last papers had been recollected, the two friends started back on their way. Their destination? Who knew?

    ——————

    Introducing Heather!

    – Wings

  136. Holliequon 26 Mar 2009 at 10:43 am

    A LOT of run-on sentences here again. I think you could use to break some of them up.

    Also, the first sentence of the first part suddenly switches from past to present tense. Awkward. I would suggest rewording that as something like: “The slim hands of the clock moved slowly on. The slender girl glared at it. It continued to tick on slowly.”

    I think the beginning of this conveys a real sense of urgency . . . which we then lose. I think you should give Meg and Ian a reason to want to be out of school asap (preparing for a party, Ian’s buying a car, or something).

    Gotta go now, but I have more to say. Don’t be disheartened though, this chapter has a lot of potential! 🙂

  137. Wingson 26 Mar 2009 at 10:46 am

    Got to work. Sorry, but I’ll be back!

    – Wings!

  138. Wingson 26 Mar 2009 at 10:51 am

    Alright, I lied. But I need the name of a cool white car for Ian, because I know nothing about them.

    Help please, and fast!

    – Wings

  139. Fitzon 26 Mar 2009 at 12:48 pm

    Are you talking about real life cars, or a fictional made-up name for one?

    I think there was an article somewhere on this website about avoiding real world brand names because it will date your story, so I would recommend a fake one. I think this also applies to iPod. Try mp3 player or CD player instead (or maybe even the general “music player”, but for some reason, that doesn’t sound right to me.)

    Back to the car… I think a cool car should have a name that just sounds fast and powerful, like lighting, jets, animals, etc. So maybe something like “Thunderhorse”, “Jetflash”, “Cheetah Reflex”, or “LaserSteel”. Of course, you could also just make up a name, like “Gorpen” or something random that sounds cool.

  140. Fitzon 26 Mar 2009 at 1:14 pm

    I just got the idea of Pegasus, that Greek winged horse. One of my friends actually named his car that because “It’s white, and it goes fast”, which sounds like what yours should be too.
    I’m sure other mythical things would work too. In real life there are Saturn and Mercury cars.
    So there are my thoughts.

  141. Wingson 26 Mar 2009 at 1:18 pm

    Thanks, I might use Pegasus.

    – Wings who knows nothing about cars

  142. Holliequon 26 Mar 2009 at 1:24 pm

    The only American car brand I know is Corvette . . . or was that the model of the car?

    Anyway, I think this sentence is very awkward: “The school had been built in a rocky, wooded area, the college prep school not only teaching, but housing and feeding the students who lived as well as learned there.”
    -The two details (where the school is, it’s a boarding school) don’t seem to be connected. It runs on a bit, too. I would recommend getting rid of the school’s surroundings for now – you could mention that as Meg and Ian drive off. I think something like, “The students lived as well as learned at the school.”

    The beginning of the second part is a very bad run-on sentence. I think this could do with being split into two or even three sentences. For example, “The two friends hadn’t gone far before Ian suddenly stopped. Meg crashed into him, causing both of them to fall. Papers flew from Meg’s bag, scattering the ground around them.”

    Houston, we have a negative on the working of Ian’s brain.
    -I really like this, but it seems a little awkwardly worded. Something like “Houston, we have a problem” or “Houston, we appear to have a communication error” might feel smoother.

    “Ian resumed blinking, noticeably breathing, and many other factors that we attribute to human life as we know it.”
    -I don’t think ‘noticeably’ serves much purpose here. Also, ‘human life as we know it’ seems a slightly awkward wording considering that this is Meg’s point of view. What do you think of something like “Great, he’s alive!”

    “However, the sandy haired boy still stared straight ahead at a certain platinum haired goddess across the way.”
    -‘Certain’ could probably be removed.

    I think it’s an interesting choice to describe Heather as a goddess. At this point, Meg comes across as the more unreasonable one here. I like it!

    “Meg groaned as she followed her friend’s gaze and noticed the object of Ian’s lack of brainwaves, or as he liked to call it, love.”
    -‘Ian’s lack of brainwaves’ seems awkward in this context. What do you think of something like ‘childish crush’?

    “Heather Reynolds glided through the other students with her usual retinue of wanna-bes.”
    -Wanna-bes is more often written as wannabes, I think. You could also consider followers or copycats.

    I think ellipses should only be three periods.

    “Yeah, and maybe we won’t get a boatload of homework next Monday. Dream on, Ian. It’s not gonna happen.”
    -This seems like a flat joke. I would recommend replacing this with something more crazy and/or sarcastic.

    “Once the last papers had been recollected, the two friends started back on their way. Their destination? Who knew?”
    -This seems misplaced when the whole chapter has been from Meg’s POV. I would recommend replacing it with some dialogue from Ian, since we don’t seem to have seen much of him in this chapter.

    I like Meg’s character. Her sarcasm adds a lot to the narration, I think.

    I tried to point out the parts I thought could stand improvement. I’m kinda new to commenting like this, so don’t take what I said too seriously. 🙂

  143. Wingson 01 Apr 2009 at 5:44 pm

    Ragged Boy-

    I used “lack of brainwaves” to portray Meg’s first reaction toward love (seeing it as mindless).

    Sweet, I didn’t know I was using sarcasm, but I wanted to.

    Thanks, I’m rewording everything now. Please check out my second review forum if you get the chance.

    – Wings the Overworked (just kidding! :-))

  144. Wingson 01 Apr 2009 at 5:47 pm

    Oh nooo!

    I accidentally though that Holliequ was RB (brain-dead)..

    Sorry sorry sorry sorry!

    – Wings the Apologetic

  145. Wingson 01 Apr 2009 at 5:57 pm

    Chapter One: Five to Freedom

    Five minutes.

    The slim hands of the clock moved slowly on. The slender brunette glared at it angrily, thinking that the clock should be happy looks couldn’t kill. It continued to tick on slowly.

    Meg Reed tore her eyes from the clock and glanced swiftly around the room, seeking a way to make the moments fly faster, to make the minutes pass more speedily. Finding none, her gaze returned to the clock, her mind once again fixed on the time so severely it was as if her very life depended on watching.

    Two minutes.

    Three minutes had moved on, the last two passing with an agonizingly slowness, a sharp hiss of impatience leaving Meg’s mouth. Her limbs were tensed to leap out of her seat and tear out the door, her fingers already inching toward the strap of her backpack. Her ears strained for the sound that would set her free.

    DRANG!

    The school bell rang, sounding like a mixture of a broken alarm clock and a sick rooster. But to Meg and the other students, it was the sound of freedom and the fight song of the new weekend’s beginning.

    Meg raced to the door, her sneakered feet flying across the tattered carpet, leaping over a chair in her haste to get out, to breathe air not tainted by school, to fill her lungs with sweet freedom after five days of drudgery.

    Well, that and seeing Ian’s new car.

    Soaring through the halls of Visvires Academy and dodging the equal haste of other students, Meg soon glimpsed a familiar face.

    Ian White had shouldered his dirt-dusted ivory backpack, his tousled blond hair gleaming slightly as he bolted to the door. One year Meg’s junior, Ian was sixteen and reveling in freedom. In his and Meg’s opinion, he was in the best part of life, and today, he was even more so.

    As Ian held the door for Meg, a slim, darkhaired junior with an MP3 player slung around her neck slipped past him, muttering something undiscernable as she passed. Ian paused for a moment to look strangely at the passing figure’s back. “What’s up with her?” He said, more to himself then to Meg.

    Meg, however, had heard. “You should know better than me. Isn’t she in your grade?”

    “Who knows, who really cares. Let’s go.”

    Although Visvires Academy was small and remote, the small student population was diverse, as the school took in nearly all students of high school age. The school had been built in a rocky, wooded area, the college prep school not only teaching, but housing and feeding the students who lived as well as learned there.

    Sunlight winked off Meg’s bangles as she ran down the stairs with Ian. Even the weight of her overloaded book bag seemed lighter when one knew there was nothing to worry about for the next few days.

    I love the weekends.

    ——————

    “It’s awesome!”

    Meg watched as Ian ran up to the white Orion parked carefully (albeit crookedly) outside the school. The sleek convertible-style vehicle gleamed slightly in the afternoon’s light.

    Meg looked sadly at the faded moss green Myth parked under a tree. “You’re lucky your parents shell out the cash to buy one of those…”

    Ian didn’t seem to notice Meg’s reaction as he lovingly patted the car’s hood.

    They left the front of the school (Ian looked like he regretted leaving) but hadn’t gone far before Ian suddenly stopped, stock still, in the middle of the sidewalk. Meg crashed right into him, causing both teens to fall, her bag taking the final straw as it spontaneously burst open, papers escaping and moving on to places unknown.

    Plucking a pencil out of Ian’s hair, Meg snatched up a nearby page of history notes and unceremoniously stuffed it into the remains of her bag. “Everything still work?”

    Ian made no reply as he stared straight ahead, eyes vacant. Meg waved her hand in front of his face. When no response came, she turned and snatched a wayward physics quiz out of midair. Houston, we appear to have a communication error.

    Several minutes later, when Ian still showed no sign of life, Meg decided to resort to drastic measures. Raising her hand, she smacked Ian resoundingly across the face with a sharp “COME BACK TO EARTH, IAN!”

    Ian fell sharply to the ground with a shout. Great, he’s alive! However, the sandy haired boy still stared straight ahead at a platinum haired goddess across the way.

    Meg groaned as she followed her friend’s gaze and noticed the object of Ian’s lack of brainwaves, or as he liked to call it, love.

    Heather Reynolds glided through the other students with her usual retinue of wannabes. Ian wasn’t the only boy who had fallen for the blue-eyed beauty’s charms. Meg could see a veritable brigade of boys checking her fellow senior out as she strode to the ice-blue convertible parked in the closest possible spot. As one of her followers opened the door for her, she sedately shoved the girl in front of her aside without a glance back and got in, waving as though a queen would to her adoring populace.

    Meg shook her head as Heather drove off. “I can’t believe, that out of all the girls in the school, you had to like her.” She said as she noticed the girl Heather had pushed pick herself off the ground, snatch her (most likely knockoff) purse, and walk away. God, of all the people….

    “Meg, maybe she’s changed.”

    “Yeah, maybe she’s changed, and maybe some rich idiot will go buy the moon. Dream on, Ian. It’s not gonna happen.”

    “Someday, she’ll see the light…” Ian said almost adoringly as he watched the frosty blue car vanish in the distance.

    Meg rolled her eyes at her friend’s idiocy.

    They resumed chatting (or rather, Ian continued extolling Heather’s nonexistent virtues while Meg alternately rolled her eyes and crammed papers into her bag).

    Once the last papers had been recollected, Ian and Meg continued on their way, with no destination in sight or mind.

    ——————-

    Well? this is the rework of Chapter One: Five to Freedom!

    Thanks a ton, Holliequ!

    – Wings the Exultant

  146. Wingson 02 Apr 2009 at 9:50 am

    Hey, come over here! Look up – Chapter One’s been reworked!

    – Wings

  147. Holliequon 02 Apr 2009 at 11:48 am

    Sorry! I do have some things to say about this chapter, but I’m busy. I promise to get back to you asap.

  148. Holliequon 04 Apr 2009 at 4:47 pm

    “Meg Reed tore her eyes from the clock and glanced swiftly around the room, seeking a way to make the moments fly faster, to make the minutes pass more speedily.”
    -This sentence runs on a bit. I think the last clause could probably be removed.

    “Finding none, her gaze returned to the clock, her mind once again fixed on the time so severely it was as if her very life depended on watching.”
    -I think this sentence is a little long and verbose. Is there another way for you to word this? I think it seems a little . . . convoulted. (Sorry, I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say.)

    “Three minutes had moved on, the last two passing with an agonizingly slowness, a sharp hiss of impatience leaving Meg’s mouth. Her limbs were tensed to leap out of her seat and tear out the door, her fingers already inching toward the strap of her backpack.”
    -This is a heck of a lot of commas. I think some of them are run-on sentences two. I’d recommend splitting these into several shorter sentences, and also cutting the phrase ‘the last two passing with an agonizingly slowness’ because I don’t think it adds anything. If you keep it, ‘an’ could probably be removed. Also, I think you mean ‘agonizing’.

    “But to Meg and the other students, it was the sound of freedom and the fight song of the new weekend’s beginning.”
    -I think ‘new’ is redundant with ‘beginning’ in there. It could probably be removed.

    “Meg raced to the door, her sneakered feet flying across the tattered carpet, leaping over a chair in her haste to get out, to breathe air not tainted by school, to fill her lungs with sweet freedom after five days of drudgery.”
    -Ack. Sentence definitely runs on. I think this could be shorted considerably and split into seperate sentences. Perhaps something like: ‘Meg raced to the door, leaping over a chair in her haste to get out. She was desperate to breathe air not tainted by school’. I removed some of the clauses because I don’t think they add anything.

    “He said, more to himself then to Meg.”
    -I think ‘then’ should be ‘than’.

    “The school had been built in a rocky, wooded area, the college prep school not only teaching, but housing and feeding the students who lived as well as learned there.”
    -The school’s location does not seem relevant right now. I think ‘lived as well as’ could probably be removed.

    “(Ian looked like he regretted leaving)”
    -This seems a little out of place. I don’t think the detail is neccesary. Could it be added in a less intrusive manner?

    “Meg crashed right into him, causing both teens to fall, her bag taking the final straw as it spontaneously burst open, papers escaping and moving on to places unknown.”
    -I think this sentence is far too long, and runs on a bit, I think. I would recommend something like ‘Meg crashed into him, causing both teens to fall. Her bag burst open, scattering papers everywhere.’ I would recommend removing the detail about them moving on to place unknown. Ahem, she picks them up again a few sentences later.

    “However, the sandy haired boy still stared straight ahead at a platinum haired goddess across the way.”
    -‘Across the way’ seems a little vague. What do you think of ‘across the street’ or ‘a few cars away’?

    “Meg groaned as she followed her friend’s gaze and noticed the object of Ian’s lack of brainwaves, or as he liked to call it, love.”
    -I still think ‘lack of brainwaves’ sounds awkward here, but okay.

    ““I can’t believe, that out of all the girls in the school, you had to like her.” She said as she noticed the girl Heather had pushed pick herself off the ground, snatch her (most likely knockoff) purse, and walk away.”
    -I think there should be a comma instead of a period after her and she should not be capitalised. Also, I think ‘most likely knockoff’ could probably be removed. It feels intrustive.

    God, of all the people….
    -Ellipses should be three dots.

    ““Yeah, maybe she’s changed, and maybe some rich idiot will go buy the moon. Dream on, Ian. It’s not gonna happen.””
    -I think this could be madder still. Ahem, aren’t people already buying pieces of the moon?

    “Ian said almost adoringly as he watched the frosty blue car vanish in the distance.”
    -‘Frosty’ could probably be removed.

    “Once the last papers had been recollected, Ian and Meg continued on their way, with no destination in sight or mind.”
    -I still think this is being too vague. However, if you do want to keep it, I would recommend removing ‘in sight’.

  149. Wingson 09 Apr 2009 at 1:43 pm

    Okay. I was just going through a Mary Sue Test with my characters: http://www.springhole.net/quizzes/marysue.htm

    Scores:

    Meg Reed: 15 – Most likely Not-Sue. Characters at this level could probably take a little spicing up without hurting them any.

    (She’s on the outer edge. Only because there were no check boxes for sarcasm. Plus, her impulsive/impatient nature helped tone down her score.)

    ——————

    Ian White: 8 – Most likely Not-Sue. Characters at this level could probably take a little spicing up without hurting them any.

    (Wow. He lost a lot of points because of his shallow nature. Plus, most of his traits didn’t fall under that many headings.)

    ———————

    Connor Reed: 10 – Most likely Not-Sue. Characters at this level could probably take a little spicing up without hurting them any.

    (Connor couldn’t really answer any of the love related questions because he’s only 11. Wow, I’m doing pretty well!)

    ————–

    Darren Newton: 7 – Most likely Not-Sue. Characters at this level could probably take a little spicing up without hurting them any.

    (I can’t believe there isn’t a check box for divorce/a broken home.)

    —————–

    Jazz Sheridan: 17 – Probably not a Mary-Sue, although a character can go either way at this point. Fanfiction writers should pay attention to ensure that their characters aren’t getting too Sue-ish. For an RPG or original fiction character, however, you’re probably perfectly fine.

    (One box mentioned this: Do characters who criticize or don’t like your character from the start like him/her by the end, or at least have a grudging respect? This only applied to Ian’s feelings toward Jazz, but it still counts.)

    ———————

    Pierce Newton: 17 – Probably not a Mary-Sue, although a character can go either way at this point. Fanfiction writers should pay attention to ensure that their characters aren’t getting too Sue-ish. For an RPG or original fiction character, however, you’re probably perfectly fine.

    (See Darren’s comment.)

    —————-

    I did pretty dang good! I almost forgive myself for the Onyx fiasco….

    -Wings

  150. Tomon 09 Apr 2009 at 2:06 pm

    I tried that once for my main character, but I don’t think I did it right. Maybe I should re-do it, and do it for some of my other characters. I doubt I’ll get major Sue or Stu, but it’s worth checking anyway.

  151. Wingson 09 Apr 2009 at 9:34 pm

    Okay. Remember Meg’s “mad phrase”?

    “Yeah, maybe she’s changed, and maybe some rich idiot will go buy the moon. Dream on, Ian. It’s not gonna happen.”

    I’m looking for a better line. Here are my lines as of now:

    – maybe they’ll invent a diet bar that actually tastes like food
    – maybe they’ll merge North and South Dakota

    Ugh. Bad.

    Help meeee!!!

    -Wings

  152. Wingson 09 Apr 2009 at 9:56 pm

    Here’s the revised chapter one:

    Chapter One: Five to Freedom

    Five minutes.

    The slim hands of the clock moved slowly on. The slender brunette glared at it angrily, thinking that the clock should be happy looks couldn’t kill. It continued to tick on slowly.

    Meg Reed tore her eyes from the clock and glanced swiftly around the room, seeking a way to make the moments fly faster, to make the minutes pass more swiftly. Finding none, her gaze returned to the clock. She stared at it with such ferocity that it was as if her very life depended on watching.

    Two minutes.

    Three minutes had moved on, the last two passing with an agonizingly slowness. A sharp hiss of impatience left Meg’s mouth. Her limbs were tensed to leap out of her seat and tear out the door, her fingers already inching toward the strap of her backpack. Her ears strained for the sound that would set her free.

    DRANG!

    The school bell rang, sounding like a mixture of a broken alarm clock and a sick rooster. But to Meg and the other students, it was the sound of freedom and the fight song of the weekend’s beginning.

    Meg raced to the door, leaping over a chair in her haste to get out. She was desperate to breathe air not tainted by school, to fill her lungs with sweet freedom after five days of drudgery.

    Well, that and seeing Ian’s new car.

    Soaring through the halls of Visvires Academy and dodging the equal haste of other students, Meg soon glimpsed a familiar face.

    Ian White had shouldered his dirt-dusted ivory backpack, his tousled blond hair gleaming slightly as he bolted to the door. One year Meg’s junior, Ian was sixteen and reveling in freedom. In his and Meg’s opinion, he was in the best part of life, and today, he was even more so.

    As Ian held the door for Meg, a slim, darkhaired junior with an MP3 player slung around her neck slipped past him, muttering something undiscernable as she passed. Ian paused for a moment to look strangely at the passing figure’s back. “What’s up with her?” He said, more to himself than to Meg.

    Meg, however, had heard. “You should know better than me. Isn’t she in your grade?”

    “Who knows, who really cares. Let’s go.”

    Visvires Academy was small and built in a rocky, remote area. The small student population was diverse, as the school took in nearly all students of high school age. The college prep school not only taught, but housed and fed the students who lived there.

    Sunlight winked off Meg’s bangles as she ran down the stairs with Ian. Even the weight of her overloaded book bag seemed lighter when one knew there was nothing to worry about for the next few days.

    I love the weekends.

    ———————————

    “It’s awesome!”

    Meg watched as Ian ran up to the white Orion parked carefully (albeit crookedly) outside the school. The sleek convertible-style vehicle gleamed slightly in the afternoon’s light.

    Meg looked sadly at the faded moss green Myth parked under a tree. “You’re lucky your parents shell out the cash to buy one of those…”

    Ian didn’t seem to notice Meg’s reaction as he lovingly patted the car’s hood.

    They left the front of the school but hadn’t gone far before Ian suddenly stopped, stock still, in the middle of the sidewalk. Meg crashed right into him, causing both teens to fall, her bag taking the final straw as it spontaneously burst open, papers escaping and moving on to places unknown.

    Plucking a pencil out of Ian’s hair, Meg snatched up a nearby page of history notes and unceremoniously stuffed it into the remains of her bag. “Everything still work?”

    Ian made no reply as he stared straight ahead, eyes vacant. Meg waved her hand in front of his face. When no response came, she turned and snatched a wayward physics quiz out of midair. Houston, we appear to have a communication error.

    Several minutes later, when Ian still showed no sign of life, Meg decided to resort to drastic measures. Raising her hand, she smacked Ian resoundingly across the face with a sharp “COME BACK TO EARTH, IAN!”

    Ian fell sharply to the ground with a shout. Great, he’s alive! However, the sandy haired boy still stared straight ahead at a platinum haired goddess a few cars away.

    Meg groaned as she followed her friend’s gaze and noticed the object of Ian’s lack of brainwaves, or as he liked to call it, love.

    Heather Reynolds glided through the other students with her usual retinue of wannabes. Ian wasn’t the only boy who had fallen for the blue-eyed beauty’s charms. Meg could see a veritable brigade of boys checking her fellow senior out as she strode to the ice-blue convertible parked in the closest possible spot. As one of her followers opened the door for her, she sedately shoved the girl in front of her aside without a glance back and got in, waving as though a queen would to her adoring populace.

    Meg shook her head as Heather drove off. “I can’t believe, that out of all the girls in the school, you had to like her.” She said as she noticed the girl Heather had pushed pick herself off the ground, snatch her purse, and walk away. God, of all the people…

    “Meg, maybe she’s changed.”

    “Yeah, maybe she’s changed, and maybe they’ll invent a diet bar that actually tastes like food. Dream on, Ian. It’s not gonna happen.”

    “Someday, she’ll see the light…” Ian said almost adoringly as he watched the blue car vanish in the distance.

    Meg rolled her eyes at her friend’s idiocy.

    They resumed chatting (or rather, Ian continued extolling Heather’s nonexistent virtues while Meg alternately rolled her eyes and crammed papers into her bag).

    Once the last papers had been recollected, Ian and Meg continued on their way, with no destination in mind.

    ————————————————————-

    Okay. Read please!

    Anyway, here are the character names I have now.

    The Special (in order of leadership and appearance)

    Meg Reed aka Sparks, an electricity manipulator.

    Ian White aka Gabriel, with the powers of flight and physical healing.

    Connor Reed aka Nimbus, an aura manipulator and mental healer.

    Darren Newton aka (still deciding. What do you think of Mindwave or Psionic?), a telekinetic who can erase memories.

    Jasmine “Jazz” Sheridan aka Nightshade, an animal shapeshifter.

    Pierce Newton aka Titan, a metal manipulator.

    The Villains

    Byron Stanwood aka Scarlet, a hyponitist and posessor, but also has the powers of the Titan’s Diamond.

    Heather Reynolds aka Empress, a hypnotist and Gifter, meaning she can give people powers.

    Blake Martin aka Stonehead, with super strength.

    Alyssa Reynolds aka Warp, who can open other dimensions.

    ————-

    Read read read!

    -Wings

  153. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 09 Apr 2009 at 10:05 pm

    “I can’t believe, that out of all the girls in the school, you had to like her.”

    I think this sentence would probably work better if it was “I can’t believe you like her when there are so many other girls in this school.” The commas just seem a little awkward, but perhaps it’s just me.

    “Yeah, maybe she’s changed, and maybe they’ll invent a diet bar that actually tastes like food.” Haha. I like that.

  154. Wingson 10 Apr 2009 at 9:33 am

    All right! Chapter One: DONE!

    Keep your eyes peeled for Chapter Two: Sugar Makes the World Go Round!

    A little flying super heroine known as Pinion has started fluttering around my mind. I rather like her, but I’m not sure just what to do with her.

    And of course, there are my other assorted works which I’m not putting up here yet:

    Between Light and Darkness

    The Cursed and the Fallen

    And fanfictions of course:

    The Six: Trial By Legend

    Torn

    Misery Loves Company

    Guess which type of fanfiction these are. You’ll be surprised. Really surprised.

    -Wings

  155. Wingson 11 Apr 2009 at 11:00 am

    Hey!

  156. B. Macon 11 Apr 2009 at 11:59 am

    “Five to Freedom.” I have no idea what’s going on here. I suspect that “Five Minutes to Freedom” would be a bit more interesting and easy to understand.

    “hands of the clock moved slowly on.” You could probably replace “moved slowly on” with a more descriptive verb or image. For example, the hands crept forward.

    Do we need to know Meg’s last name now?

    “She stared at it with such ferocity…” What’s at stake here? What’s she waiting for? What’s so bad about right now? Being a bit more clear about her goals may make it feel like more is at stake.

    “Three minutes had moved on.” This is unnecessary; a reader will be able to deduce this because it had been five minutes to go and now it’s two minutes to go.

    What’s going on as she’s waiting for the five minutes to elapse? I’d recommend describing the teacher droning in a most unpleasant fashion.

    “Well, that and seeing Ian’s new car.” This is a bit awkward. I’d recommend changing the verb here from “seeing” to something like “riding in.”

    “Visvires Academy.” Do we need the name of the academy yet? This strikes me as not particularly important.

    “Soaring through the halls…” Is she actually flying? If so, I’d recommend being clearer that this is a special school. If she’s not flying, I’d recommend using a verb that suggests speed rather than flight. (Like “racing”).

    “In his and Meg’s opinion, he was in the best part of life…” This is an awkward sentence. “was in the best part of life” is particularly awkward, I feel. Also, I hilariously misread this sentence by skipping over the word “in” (In his and Meg’s opinion, he was the best part of life). Haha.

    Ian White. Do we need to know his last name here?

    MP3 player. This will date the story. If you’d like to sell the book 5 years from now, you might want to consider avoiding this.

    “muttering something undiscernable.” “Undiscernable” is unnecessary– if he’s muttering something, we can easily infer that it’s indiscernible to her. Also, I think the right word is “indiscernible” rather than “undiscernable.”

    “The small student population was diverse, as the school took in nearly all students of high school age.” Diverse in what way?

    “I love the weekends.” I’d really recommend changing this to third person. “She loved the weekends,” or whatever. It’s an incredibly obvious detail, but I think it sets up what you’re going to do in the next chapter.

    Before going to chapter 2, I’d recommend setting up some danger or obstacle. Right now, it feels like a joy ride.

    “looked sadly at the faded moss green Myth parked under a tree.” I’d recommend changing “moss green” to “moss-green” to help cue readers that moss is a modifier there rather than a noun.

    “looked sadly…” Is sadly the right word? I suspect she’s more jealous or longing than she is sad. Also, this is something you could probably show.

    “Ian didn’t seem to notice Meg’s reaction…” Did he notice it or didn’t he? The word “seem” is problematic here because it suggests that he actually did notice it but is pretending not to.

    “Ian made no reply as he stared straight ahead, eyes vacant.” I’m having a bit of trouble picturing this. If he fell down to the ground when she crashed into him, my guess is that he’s actually staring straight up.

    Ok, so now he’s lying more or less comatose in the middle of a sidewalk. She waits “several minutes” to decide that drastic measures are necessary?
    Plucking a pencil out of Ian’s hair, Meg snatched up a nearby page of history notes and unceremoniously stuffed it into the remains of her bag. “Everything still work?”

    “Houston, we appear to have a communication error.” This is sort of a cliched and very dated joke. I don’t think it works here. Also, it doesn’t sound like it’s very appropriate for her voice.

    Meg decided to resort to drastic measures.” You could probably replaced “decided to resort” with “resorted.”

    “Great, he’s alive!” could probably be replaced with an action. She breathed a sigh of relief, she looks visibly relieved, etc.

    What’s the difference between a junior and a senior? I don’t feel like it’s important enough to mention.

    Umm, if he has a car, why are they walking? She kind of makes a big deal about the car early on, so it seems striking to me that they walk.

    “Meg groaned as she followed her friend’s gaze and noticed the object of Ian’s lack of brainwaves, or as he liked to call it, love.” This is the first indication that they’re not dating.

    “Heather Reynolds.” Her last name is probably unnecessary. The story hasn’t done anything with the last two last-names, either.

    “glided through other students.” I like the word “glided” here.

    “checking her fellow senior out”– awkward. What would you think about “checking out the senior”?

    “Maybe they’ll invent a diet bar that actually tastes like food.” Excellent. I love this.

  157. Wingson 13 Apr 2009 at 7:35 pm

    Okay. Here’s the revised Chapter One:

    Chapter One: Five Minutes to Freedom

    Five minutes.

    The slim hands of the clock inched forward slowly. The slender brunette glared at it angrily, thinking that the clock should be happy looks couldn’t kill. Her physics taecher droned on as it continued to tick on slowly.

    Meg tore her eyes from the clock and glanced swiftly around the room, seeking a way to make the moments fly faster, to make the minutes pass more swiftly. Finding none, her gaze returned to the clock. She stared at it with such ferocity that it was as if her very life depended on watching. C’mon, let me outta this dump. I’ve been better entertained by drying paint.

    Two minutes.

    Three minutes had moved on, the last two passing with an agonizingly slowness. A sharp hiss of impatience left Meg’s mouth. Her limbs were tensed to leap out of her seat and tear out the door, her fingers already inching toward the strap of her backpack. Her ears strained for the sound that would set her free.

    DRANG!

    The school bell rang, sounding like a mixture of a broken alarm clock and a sick rooster. But to Meg and the other students, it was the sound of freedom and the fight song of the weekend’s beginning.

    Meg raced to the door, leaping over a chair in her haste to get out. She was desperate to breathe air not tainted by school, to fill her lungs with sweet freedom after five days of drudgery.

    Well, that and checking out Ian’s new car.

    Tearing through the halls of Visvires Academy and dodging the equal haste of other students, Meg soon glimpsed a familiar face.

    Ian had shouldered his dirt-dusted ivory backpack, his tousled blond hair gleaming slightly as he bolted to the door. One year Meg’s junior, Ian was sixteen and reveling in freedom. In his and Meg’s opinion, he was in the best part of life, and today, he was even more so.

    As Ian held the door for Meg, a slim, darkhaired junior with a small music player slung around her neck slipped past him, muttering something indiscernible to them as she passed. Ian paused for a moment to look strangely at the passing figure’s back. “What’s up with her?” He said, more to himself than to Meg.

    Meg, however, had heard. “You should know better than me. Isn’t she in your grade?”

    “Who knows, who really cares. Let’s go.”

    Sunlight winked off Meg’s bangles as she ran down the stairs with Ian. Even the weight of her overloaded book bag seemed lighter when one knew there was nothing to worry about for the next few days.

    She loved the weekends.

    —————————

    “It’s awesome!”

    Meg watched as Ian ran up to the white Orion parked carefully (albeit crookedly) outside the school. The sleek convertible-style vehicle gleamed slightly in the afternoon’s light.

    Meg looked wistfully at the faded moss green Myth parked under a tree. “You’re lucky your parents shell out the cash to buy one of those…”

    Ian didn’t to notice Meg’s reaction as he lovingly patted the car’s hood. “Want to try it out?”

    “Nah, not yet. I’ve got to get some papers back at the dorm. You can go if you want, though.”

    Although his eyes clearly showed Ian would have liked to stay with his “precious” Orion, he continued walking with Meg, partly out of companionship and partly because he had nowhere interesting to go.

    They left the front of the school but hadn’t gone far before Ian suddenly stopped, stock still, in the middle of the sidewalk. Meg crashed right into him, causing both teens to fall, her bag taking the final straw as it spontaneously burst open, papers escaping and moving on to places unknown.

    Plucking a pencil out of Ian’s hair, Meg snatched up a nearby page of history notes and unceremoniously stuffed it into the remains of her bag. “Everything still work?”

    Ian made no reply as he stared straight ahead, eyes vacant. Meg waved her hand in front of his face. When no response came, she turned and snatched a wayward physics quiz out of midair. Meh, whatevs. He’ll snap out of it soon…I hope.

    Several seconds later, when Ian still showed no sign of life, Meg resorted to drastic measures. Raising her hand, she smacked Ian resoundingly across the face with a sharp “COME BACK TO EARTH, IAN!”

    Ian fell sharply to the ground with a shout. Meg sighed with relief. Great, he’s alive! However, the sandy haired boy still stared straight ahead at a platinum haired goddess a few cars away.

    Meg groaned as she followed her friend’s gaze and noticed the object of Ian’s lack of brainwaves, or as he liked to call it, love.

    Heather glided through the other students with her usual retinue of wannabes. Ian wasn’t the only boy who had fallen for the blue-eyed beauty’s charms. Meg could see a veritable brigade of boys checking the senior out as she strode to the ice-blue convertible parked in the closest possible spot. As one of her followers opened the door for her, she sedately shoved the girl in front of her aside without a glance back and got in, waving as though a queen would to her adoring populace.

    Meg shook her head as Heather drove off. “I can’t believe, that out of all the girls in the school, you had to like her.” She said as she noticed the girl Heather had pushed pick herself off the ground, snatch her purse, and walk away. God, of all the people…

    “Meg, maybe she’s changed.”

    “Yeah, maybe she’s changed, and maybe they’ll invent a diet bar that actually tastes like food. Dream on, Ian. It’s not gonna happen.”

    “Someday, she’ll see the light…” Ian said almost adoringly as he watched the blue car vanish in the distance.

    Meg rolled her eyes at her friend’s idiocy.

    They resumed chatting (or rather, Ian continued extolling Heather’s nonexistent virtues while Meg alternately rolled her eyes and crammed papers into her bag).

    Once the last papers had been recollected, Ian and Meg continued on their way, with no destination in mind.

    —————————-

    Some little things to clear up….

    “Before going to chapter 2, I’d recommend setting up some danger or obstacle. Right now, it feels like a joy ride.”

    As soon as we enter Chapter Two, Ian crashes into Pierce, everyone’s favorite scary tall guy. Meg ends up dragging Ian off before he can start a fight, showing that even she’s more than a little unnerved by Pierce, and that she usually ends up protecting Ian. (This may be reversed if you guys like it, with Ian dragging Meg off)

    ““Ian made no reply as he stared straight ahead, eyes vacant.” I’m having a bit of trouble picturing this. If he fell down to the ground when she crashed into him, my guess is that he’s actually staring straight up.”

    She crashed into him, and he fell forward onto his knees. He’s staring at Heather right now.

    Helpful? Stupid? Drop-dead insane?

    TELL ME! *breathes fire*

    Cool! That’s new!

    -Wings

  158. B. Macon 16 Apr 2009 at 8:22 pm

    Ok, here are some thoughts and observations on the revision.

    –I think teacher is misspelled in the first paragraph.
    –“seeking a way to make the moments fly faster, to make the minutes pass more swiftly.” I feel that the second clause is redundant with the first clause. It doesn’t add enough.
    –“I’ve been better entertained by drying paint.” I think this is a good comedic setup, but “drying paint” is a bit cliche. Maybe you could come up with a fresher example?
    –“passing with an agonizingly slowness.” I think agonizingly should just be agonizing here.
    –“Her limbs were tensed to leap out of her seat and tear out the door, her fingers already inching toward the strap of her backpack.” I think this is a run-on sentence. Is that intentional?
    –“the fight song of the weekend’s beginning.” This is a bit unusual. When I think of fight songs, I think of sports games. Why would a weekend have a fight song?
    –“he was in the best part of life”– I think the voice here sounds too old.
    –“parked carefully (albeit crookedly)…” I think this juxtaposition makes it hard to visualize the scene. How can you park carefully but crookedly? I’d recommend going with one or the other.
    –“he continued walking with Meg, partly out of companionship and partly because he had nowhere interesting to go.” This is awkward because it appears to be told more from Ian’s perspective than hers. Is there a compelling reason to start with Meg and then shift to Ian? Also, these details could be shown rather than told. (Maybe move them to dialogue).
    –I’d recommend making it clearer that Ian is not actually having some sort of medical disaster, but is instead spacing out looking at a girl. This new version makes it clearer, but I think there’s a bit of room to go.
    –“Maybe she’s changed.” This seems a bit cryptic. It’s referring to a backstory that I don’t actually understand, so I feel confused. A paragraph or two before this, I would recommend having Meg give us more to go on here. “In case you have forgotten, she [describe the problem in an amusing way here].”
    –“Heather’s nonexistent virtues” could probably be shown rather than told. Moreover, this is a good chance to develop the characters. What is it he sees in her? (Has he convinced himself this is more than just physical infatuation?)
    –To build suspense, I would recommend dropping a few clues that the car accident is in the works.

  159. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 16 Apr 2009 at 8:38 pm

    ”I’ve been better entertained by drying paint”. You could replace that with “Watching grass grow is more fun”.

  160. Wingson 16 Apr 2009 at 8:44 pm

    Actually, I’m using this: I’ve been better entertained by classical music.

    – Wings

  161. The ReTARDISed Whovianon 16 Apr 2009 at 8:48 pm

    Classical music is fun! Haha. I don’t mind it, especially Tchaikovsky and Beethoven.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ea90L91eZk

    Sometimes it gets boring after a while, but a lot of it is quite beautiful.

  162. B. Macon 16 Apr 2009 at 11:08 pm

    “I’ve been better entertained by classical music.”

    Ok. I think that’ll work. You might like Danse Macabre, though.

  163. Holliequon 17 Apr 2009 at 6:10 am

    Oh my God! It’s the Jonathan Creek music!

    Yeah . . . sorry . . . I’m not even a big fan of classical music, but if I do end up listening to a piece I really enjoy it. Beethoven’s “Fur Elise” is wonderful. I used to be able to play that on keyboard.

    I guess this is a really long-winded way of saying I disagree you on that one. 😉

  164. Wingson 18 Apr 2009 at 8:16 pm

    Hey.

    I’m getting back to work on Chapter Two: Sugar Makes the World Go Round.

    Hopefully I’ll have it up in a couple weeks. However, my vacation’s ending, so I’ll have HOMEWORK to do again…

    Anyway, I’ll be back!

    – Wings

  165. Gurion Omegaon 20 Apr 2009 at 10:11 am

    Darn, lucky Wings, mine’s is up!

  166. Wingson 20 Apr 2009 at 10:15 am

    I’m also working on some fanfiction for kicks.

    – Wings

  167. Wingson 21 Apr 2009 at 2:12 pm

    There’s a new subrace in town….

    Remember this list?

    ——————-

    Here are the types of heroes/villains in The Special’s world.

    Gifted – Gifted are basically the people who are given powers by Heather. Their powers disappear when Connor touches them, they aren’t bonded to the person at all. People whose powers have been increased/amplified by the Titan’s Diamond also fall under this heading.

    Notable Gifted: Alyssa Reynolds “Warp”
    Scarlet

    Artificial Naturals – Artificial Naturals, or A-Nats for short, are the heroes and villains who received their powers from Scarlet’s chemical or (Doomsday only) a boiled shard of the Titan’s Diamond. These powers can be removed by the Titan’s Diamond without any harm toward the person in question.

    Notable Artificial Naturals: Meg Reed “Sparks”
    Ian White ” Gabriel”
    Connor Reed “Nimbus”
    Jazz Sheridan “Nightshade”
    Darren Newton “Mindwave”
    Pierce Newton “Titan”

    True Naturals – True Naturals, T-Nats for short, are the second rarest type, as their powers were acquired at birth because of a mutation in the persons DNA. Their powers can be removed by the Titan’s Diamond, but removal will also take the person’s consciousness with it, thereby either killing the person or putting them in an irredeemable coma. As shown in in Minutes to Midnight, captured consciousnesses are able to leave the Titan’s Diamond when touched by another being, this allowing the other consciousness to gain control of the person, shown when Scarlet returns. Little else is known about them.

    Notable True Naturals: Scarlet

    —————-

    The possibly rarest race: Pseudo Naturals, or P-Nats for short.

    Pseudo Naturals are the children of Artificial Naturals. Their powers are determine by the abilities of their parent(s).

    For instance: The child of a plant manipulator and one who can speak to animals may be able to communicate with plants. Therefore, they receive a combination of the parent’s powers.

    Also, the child of an aura manipulator (similar to Connor) and an ordinary human being may have the ability to read auras but nothing else, because only one parent had altered genes.

    This does give me four races besides humans, but since Gifteds are only minor characters and it’s highly unlikely that any Pseudo Naturals appear (unless I do a timeskip sequel), i am still basically working with two races.

    – Wings

  168. Wingson 24 Apr 2009 at 5:08 pm

    Okay. I’m going to get back to work. I’ve been lazy for too long. Vacation is over!

    – Wings

  169. Asayaon 24 Apr 2009 at 5:13 pm

    Wow, I like the different categories of superhumans, pretty creative. My brother and I have still been working on finding some kinda term for our superhumans besides ‘mutants’. Just a question, does the public in your story know about the existence of Naturals?

  170. Wingson 24 Apr 2009 at 5:35 pm

    No, not in the least.

    In most stories (unless there is someone like Heather who can grant powers) most of the superhumans are T-Nats, or True Naturals. If your hero gained his/her powers because of radiation/chemicals, then they are considered by me to be A-Nats or Artificial Naturals.

    Personally, I wouldn’t use “mutants” simply because X-Men has already made that term famous. Try coining a word. I used “Naturals” or “Nats” as the base for most of my subraces.

    – Wings

  171. Marissaon 24 Apr 2009 at 7:22 pm

    This just came to me: I don’t think you’re allowed to use Doomsday, since that was used in Superman.

    I myself tripped over that same issue with that same name. I had a minor villain named Doomsday.

  172. Wingson 24 Apr 2009 at 8:00 pm

    Oh, dang….

    It needs to be something pertaining to the end of the world. are these taken?

    Apocalypse (I rather like this)

    Armageddon (Meh…not so much)

    Must…Search…Wikipedia…

    – Wings

  173. Dforceon 24 Apr 2009 at 8:10 pm

    Apocalypse is a villain in X-Men.

  174. Marissaon 24 Apr 2009 at 8:33 pm

    I myself am looking for a re-name of that villain, so you aren’t alone. Hahah…

  175. Wingson 24 Apr 2009 at 8:56 pm

    I don’t want to keep him as just Scarlet….

    – Wings

  176. Wingson 27 Apr 2009 at 3:40 pm

    Hey, guys….

    I’m afraid I’ve got a bad case of writer’s block. I need to figure out a way to get chapter two started without beginning it with something like “they continued walking until….”.

    BASES I NEED TO COVER:

    – Pierce’s introduction
    – Mentioning Connor
    – Buying the cookies at a bake sale (which cause the powers)

    Therefore, I might not post anything new for a while.

    – Wings of the Cursed Writer’s Block

  177. Wingson 27 Apr 2009 at 4:22 pm

    I took another Mary Sue Test:

    Meg: 92.5%
    Ian: 97.5%
    Pierce: 87.5%
    Connor: 92.5%
    Jazz: 92.5% (wow, that’s a lot of 92.5s)
    Darren: 92.5%

    Pretty good, ay? My characters are getting better…*remembers the Onyx fiasco* *shudders*

    -Wings

  178. Marissaon 27 Apr 2009 at 4:30 pm

    Try the Mary Sue Litmus test. That one’s extremely useful.

  179. Wingson 27 Apr 2009 at 6:03 pm

    I actually did this other test as well: http://www.springhole.net/quizzes/marysue.htm

    The results were posted, but I’m not sure where they are….

    – Wings

  180. Wingson 27 Apr 2009 at 6:13 pm

    Here it is!

    Scores:

    Meg Reed: 15 – Most likely Not-Sue. Characters at this level could probably take a little spicing up without hurting them any.

    (She’s on the outer edge. Only because there were no check boxes for sarcasm. Plus, her impulsive/impatient nature helped tone down her score.)

    ——————

    Ian White: 8 – Most likely Not-Sue. Characters at this level could probably take a little spicing up without hurting them any.

    (Wow. He lost a lot of points because of his shallow nature. Plus, most of his traits didn’t fall under that many headings.)

    ———————

    Connor Reed: 10 – Most likely Not-Sue. Characters at this level could probably take a little spicing up without hurting them any.

    (Connor couldn’t really answer any of the love related questions because he’s only 11. Wow, I’m doing pretty well!)

    ————–

    Darren Newton: 7 – Most likely Not-Sue. Characters at this level could probably take a little spicing up without hurting them any.

    (I can’t believe there isn’t a check box for divorce/a broken home.)

    —————–

    Jazz Sheridan: 17 – Probably not a Mary-Sue, although a character can go either way at this point. Fanfiction writers should pay attention to ensure that their characters aren’t getting too Sue-ish. For an RPG or original fiction character, however, you’re probably perfectly fine.

    (One box mentioned this: Do characters who criticize or don’t like your character from the start like him/her by the end, or at least have a grudging respect? This only applied to Ian’s feelings toward Jazz, but it still counts.)

    ———————

    Pierce Newton: 17 – Probably not a Mary-Sue, although a character can go either way at this point. Fanfiction writers should pay attention to ensure that their characters aren’t getting too Sue-ish. For an RPG or original fiction character, however, you’re probably perfectly fine.

    (See Darren’s comment.)

    —————-

    I did pretty dang good! I almost forgive myself for the Onyx fiasco….

    -Wings

  181. Wingson 28 Apr 2009 at 12:06 pm

    Okay, no more procrastinating. Time to start Chapter Two: Sugar Makes the World Go Round.

    – Wings

  182. Ragged Boyon 30 Apr 2009 at 1:54 pm

    Hopefully, I’m around when you post it.

    Get to work! 😉

  183. Wingson 03 May 2009 at 9:55 pm

    Say, has someone been posting comments on the webcomics lately?

    – Wings

  184. Wingson 03 May 2009 at 9:57 pm

    That is, I got a friend of mine to read your webcomic, B. Mac. I’m trying to figure out if he commented on anything there.

    – Wings

  185. B. Macon 03 May 2009 at 10:41 pm

    Possibly. There was an anonymous comment from a town in California slightly east of Stockton and southeast of Sacramento. Does that sound plausible?

  186. Anonymouson 04 May 2009 at 10:19 am

    No, that wouldn’t have been him. Thanks for looking though.

    – Wings

  187. B. Macon 04 May 2009 at 10:24 am

    Ah, I just figured that since you were Californian that your friend probably would be as well.

  188. Wingson 04 May 2009 at 10:27 am

    Oh no, he’s Californian, but we’re not in the area you mentioned. We’re in Southern California, not Northern.

    – Wings

  189. Avi Arunon 04 May 2009 at 10:36 am

    So wordpress provides geotagging for comments? You can see where each comment was posted from?

  190. B. Macon 04 May 2009 at 11:34 am

    It provides IP addresses to help me ban trolls and the like.

  191. Avi Arunon 04 May 2009 at 10:40 pm

    This is irrelevant, but how do IP addresses help you find the location? Sorry, I’m a technical noob.

  192. B. Macon 04 May 2009 at 10:57 pm

    You can go to IP locators like this one. I wouldn’t recommend using them unless it will help your customer-service, though. Getting looked up online is kind of creepy.

  193. Pon 07 May 2009 at 4:26 pm

    Hello, everyone.

    I am very happy with the name Wings gave my character. Titan suits him in a strong sense.

    But however, I would like more information on Titan’s Diamond.

    From what I have read, it seems to be a deadly super-power absorbent (Behold, Sham-wow on steroids!) and that he can level any supervillain in a matter of seconds.

    I hope that is not the case because he must be defeatable so this doesn’t turn into a a-nuke-couldn’-bring-me-down,-I-am-God (AKA Superman) sort of feeling.

    ~ P

  194. Pon 07 May 2009 at 4:28 pm

    Also, I would like to know if the heroes get any costumes or accessories.

    ~ P

  195. Davidon 07 May 2009 at 4:29 pm

    You could say that his diamond can be cut with a diamond cutter.

  196. Pon 07 May 2009 at 4:41 pm

    A diamond cutter? I’m not saying that’s not a good idea, but it sounds sort of unheroic and unthreatening. Not that I can think of anything better myself.

    I will have to wait for Wings to give the full information and purpose before I can start suggesting weaknesses for it.

    ~ P

  197. Davidon 07 May 2009 at 5:31 pm

    well thats fair enough

    ps thats reminds me see that link i sent you did u see both chapters? or just the one i ask coz my other friend made that mistake

  198. Wingson 08 May 2009 at 8:52 pm

    Let me elaborate a little on the Titan’s Diamond. Some properties have changed, so read carefully.

    The Titan’s Diamond is a half red and half black gem. The black side can be used to remove powers, while the red side can grant powers or increase existing ones. However, when broken into shards, each piece will turn half red and half back, no matter which side it came from. The shards have a sort of magnetic quality – they are drawn to other shards, meaning that if you leave two in close proximity they will fuse together.

    To tell more on the power increase, the person using the shard would have an unlimited supply of what they needed (for instance – Pierce would have an unlimited supply of metal, a hero with super strength would have even greater strength, etc.)

    Also, one shard cannot give/increase powers and remove them from others at the same time. The first will deactivate as the second activates.

    Does this help, P?

    – Wings

  199. Wingson 15 May 2009 at 1:14 pm

    After a long period of LAZINESS, I finally got to work on chapter 2.

    However, I also started outlines for ALL the characters throughout th entire series. For instance, in the second book (five years later) six new characters are introduced, two evil (Fantasma and Harbinger) and four good (Frostbite, Oracle, Temptress, and an uncreated hero). Well, then we have(This will sound creepy no matter how I put it) Scarlet’s new “shell”, a 25 year old (He possesses a new body after his old one crumbles, and it is 17 years younger than his original).

    Meawhile, Meg and Pierce have gone to NYC (I’m already planning jokes about how NYC is the most cliche superhero area in the universe) and are still working as small time heroes, breaking up robberies and the like. I still haven’t decided where Ian, Jazz, and Darren will end up and Connor at 16 is still at Visvires Academy.

    – Wings

  200. Tomon 15 May 2009 at 1:31 pm

    Sorry, but every time I read Scarlet I automatically assume he is a girl. For some reason the name is intrinsically feminine. Is anyone else having this issue?

  201. B. Macon 15 May 2009 at 1:51 pm

    I also feel that Scarlet is a female name. In Clue, the seductress character is Miss Scarlet.

  202. Tomon 15 May 2009 at 2:03 pm

    That’s probably the reason why.

    I always play as her because red always starts first for some reason, plus red’s my favourite colour.

    Hmm… I’m trying to think of other shades of red. Rouge still sounds feminine… You could call him Red, I think of Red Skull when relating Red as a superhero name. But then again there’s Red from That 70s Show…

  203. Stefan the Exploding Manon 15 May 2009 at 8:14 pm

    Crimson is a more masculine red. Or possibly maroon.

  204. Tomon 16 May 2009 at 2:48 am

    Crimson works.

  205. Wingson 17 May 2009 at 7:26 pm

    I rather like Crimson actually…Hmmm. Sorry, but I have been on a super large ban and can only use school computers or my brother’s DSi web browser ( I am typing this with a crochet hook )

    Hopefully I’ll be back in action tomorrow – Perhaps P will be as well.

    – Wings

  206. Pon 18 May 2009 at 11:37 am

    I made it back from the East coast alive! Hoorah!
    I will be active on the site once again.

  207. Pon 18 May 2009 at 11:39 am

    New York was extremely brutal but I can see why they call the “City of Heroes” because every few minutes I could hear sirens and see police speeding down the overcrowded streets.

    And Wings, I was able to get a tri-corn hat while I was in Boston.

    …Again, hoorah.

  208. Davidon 18 May 2009 at 11:42 am

    iv always wanted to move to america how easy is it to get a flat over there? i wanna work for marvel so new york for me probs

  209. Pon 18 May 2009 at 11:55 am

    Well, anyway, I have reviewed Titan’s Diamond, and I am happy with what it is.

    However, I believe that the characters should only use it the most crucial of situations because if Titan can gain unlimited access to metal, then he can heal any wound, grow to any size by creating more metal, and have countless weapons.

    I would like to know about the origin of this item so I could think of a weaakness it causes (exaustion to the point of death, insanity, etc.)

  210. Wingson 18 May 2009 at 1:07 pm

    It takes extreme and maintained concentration to control metal in the first place. For instance, if he covers his hand in metal, he needs to concentrate on keeping that hand covered, so he’s vulnerable to distractions (Even when hypnotized in the second to last battle, he was distracted by Darren calling his name, allowing Meg to down him). Besides, it’s very rare that he can find an unlimited supply of metal (Heck, Scarlet/Crimson WANTED Titan to be nearly unstoppable).

    Again, his power takes a lot of concentration to make weapons as well, and if by some way they become detached from his body (melted, sliced off, etc.) they will become lumps of metal again.

    He technically can’t heal wounds with his metal. He can PREVENT them by covering himself in metal, but he can’t heal them.

    They never attempt to use the Diamond again. In fact, they managed to crush it nearly completely and get the shards far enough away from each other to so that it will take a while for the Diamond to re-form (However, Connor keeps a shard without anyone knowing and later uses it to created the next generation of Specials). And, the smaller the shard, the less power it can grant (Plus, Connor’s shard was pretty small even before he boiled it to create a version of Scarlet/Crimson’s power serum.)

    Congrats on your hat by the way. Surprised you aren’t at school. Wear your hat on Wednesday.

    -Wings

  211. Wingson 18 May 2009 at 1:11 pm

    David, I’m not sure how to get a flat here. After all, I am but a lowly junior high student (And so is P, in case he told you differently).

    I would ask B. Mac or Ragged Boy.

    – Wings

  212. Wingson 18 May 2009 at 1:14 pm

    To elaborate on how they hid the Diamond: Meg and Pierce took some shards and hid them in New York, Jazz and Ian took some to Los Angeles, Darren took some to wherever he’s going, and they hid the rest on or in the school (Scarlet/Crimson escaped when a small-time thief found a mostly fused gem, and his consciousness possessed the body).

    – Wings

  213. Pon 20 May 2009 at 4:33 pm

    Thank you for the information on Titan’s Diamond, Wings. But how the metal should return to its normal shape when Pierce losses focus sounds kind of… er… distasteful, if I may. I thought it may be cooler if it goes into a some-what liquid state as it goes around his body. Just a sugestion.

    I wish to know about Pierce’s personnality and if he has an easy time focussing and using his power, or if he constantly is being distracted.

    Also, I have an idea for a sequel to the second book. This takes place as most of the characters are adults and have basically lost the passion they once had for fighting crime. However, Connor uses his small shard of the diamond to try to find an alternative energy source. In these tests, the diamond hyper-reacts and attracts the other diamonds to it, thus, creating Titan’s Diamond, but in an extremely unstable state, shooting corrupted energy into Connor and the populace of whatever area his is located in at the time, creating a super army of evil Specials. Pierce and Meg, being the ones who know how to destroy the diamond, have to fight there way through whatever evil corrupted area you have in mind (I suggest Canada) and destroy the diamond once and for all.

    I hope this does not ruin the stories continuity in anyway.

    ~ P

  214. Pon 20 May 2009 at 4:40 pm

    Oh, yes. The ‘alternative energy source’ idea was bad and it should have been Connor’s tests to make the Diamond powerful enogh to create a large number of Specials.

    ~ P

  215. Wingson 20 May 2009 at 7:25 pm

    Hello, P.

    When Pierce loses his concentration, the metal simply (how do you say?) retracts or recedes. It actually isn’t that easy to distract him, but the metal-forming process simply takes a while (depending on the quality/amount/shape of the metal itself. After all, a pipe is easier to shape than say a trash can). And after all, most people find bright lights/loud music/constant peril (they are heroes you know) to be slightly distracting.

    It actually isn’t that hard to create a lot of Specials: just boil the shard and pull a Scarlet by sneaking it into food (the original plan for the chemical being ingested was in cafeteria food, now, the chemical is inside cookies at a bake sale).

    Alternative energy (your earlier idea) might cause the series to pull a Final Warning (see the Maximum Ride series, or ask someone here, Lunajamnia or maybe Holliequ would know).

    Yeesh, that took ages to type with a crochet hook on a DSi web browser. If you’d just give me your email address like I asked… 😉

    See you on Wednesday.

  216. Wingson 20 May 2009 at 7:31 pm

    *reads posts carefully*

    P, what did Canada ever do to you? (besides just being the subject of Agent Orange’s jokes:

    quote: Agent Orange: I refuse to find out if their total lack of style is contagious!)

    -Wings

  217. Ragged Boyon 20 May 2009 at 8:15 pm

    Daivid said: “I’ve always wanted to move to America, how easy is it to get a flat over there? I wanna work for Marvel, so New York for me.”

    I don’t think you’d have a problem finding an apartment. The main issue is affording one. New York City is one of the most expensive cities in the world and that shows in housing. I don’t have the resources to give you monetary figures, but my best advice would be to research, plan, and save. Survival in NY takes a special set of skills.

  218. Stefan the Exploding Manon 21 May 2009 at 12:55 am

    I believe lots of people who write for comic book companies, even the large ones, write from their home state (or country). I don’t think you need to be close to the company in order to work for it.

  219. Jacobon 21 May 2009 at 1:29 am

    Being physically available is helpful but not necessary for a writer. It’s easier to work and coordinate with someone that’s in town.

    And everyone is insular to some extent… New Yorkers probably most of all.

  220. Ragged Boyon 21 May 2009 at 3:07 am

    “New York was extremely brutal but I can see why they call the “City of Heroes” because every few minutes I could hear sirens and see police speeding down the overcrowded streets.”

    I know. Isn’t it so alive? I can’t wait to go there again.

  221. B. Macon 21 May 2009 at 3:52 am

    Hmm. I am considering apartments within an hour or two of NYC. I am evaluating whether it would be financially possible for me to take a job with a comic book publisher there. (I would name the publisher, but I’m a big fan of professional discretion. That goes for you, too!)

  222. Wingson 21 May 2009 at 2:54 pm

    As I am a mere student and have no clue if an apartment is good enough, I just suggest going somewhere other than my state, California, Home Of The Water Shortage.

    Off topic: Did anyone know that there’s a kind of cheese that’s illegal to sell in most countries?

    -Wings

  223. Gurion Omegaon 23 May 2009 at 1:11 pm

    I don’t find that hard to believe. You can’t sell Red Bull in (I think) all of Europe.

  224. Mr. Briton 23 May 2009 at 1:54 pm

    England has it by the bucketload. I assume that extends to the rest of the UK but I’m not sure…

  225. Holliequon 24 May 2009 at 4:14 am

    I remember my stepdad buying some in Wales once, so unless Scotland (or Northern Ireland) has taken offence against it for some reason, yup, we have it. I had no idea it was banned in Europe, though.

  226. El!zelleon 24 May 2009 at 11:39 am

    Wings-

    I like your idea for the book! When are you gonna post chapter 2? Anyway, Ian sounds sort of like Iggy from Maximum Ride. Any connections?

    – El!zelle the Iggy Fan

  227. Ragged Boyon 24 May 2009 at 12:33 pm

    Is it true that it’s illegal to eat chocolate in public in England?

  228. Tomon 24 May 2009 at 12:37 pm

    I’m pretty sure the answer to that is no…

  229. Davidon 24 May 2009 at 12:41 pm

    It’s fine to eat chocolate in Scotland. 🙂 We also have Red Bull up here.

  230. Ragged Boyon 24 May 2009 at 12:42 pm

    I’m just going by what I heard. I wouldn’t see why it’s illegal, but you never know.

  231. Holliequon 24 May 2009 at 4:05 pm

    Some long-forgotten law may state that (I highly doubt it), but if anybody actually tried to enforce it s/he would be laughed out of town.

    We’re not a crazy race of aliens, you know. 😉 If a law sounds illogical to you, chances are it isn’t real.

  232. Gurion Omegaon 24 May 2009 at 6:31 pm

    Oh snap! Uh…sorry, I had heard one of my family relatives say somethin’ like that once. But once you think about it, they probably meant the Caribbean, were they come from…heh, heh.

    My Bad! Sorry!

  233. Wingson 25 May 2009 at 1:00 pm

    El!zelle-

    No, there are no connections (I don’t remember Iggy being naive or well, Ian-esque at all).

    Writing another chapter – I wish it was as easy as you make it sound. It’s not like writing fanfiction where I have something solid to build off of. I’ll see P on Wednesday, maybe he can help.

    Your typing style seems familiar. Have we met before under different usernames?

    Everyone else: How did Red Bull get dragged into the topic of David wanting a flat? 🙂

    – Wings (who would like P to quit being so dang secretive and just give me his email address so that it isn’t so hard to find him)

  234. Wingson 25 May 2009 at 2:35 pm

    I require some assistance because I’m caught in writer’s block, have a internet ban until summer (yes, I am writing with the crochet hook again), and can only work between classes at school. And since P has disapeared from this site (note to self-LUNCHBOX TIME) I have no other collaborators.

    You guys are lucky – you guys are free! Even P is allowed out of his house sometimes…

    5 years more… *depressed*

    – Wings

  235. Wingson 26 May 2009 at 11:21 am

    Come to California and get me outta here! Kidding.

    I just need to figure out how to create a smoother switch in chapter two. I need to cause and accident that will introduce Pierce without putting either Meg or Pierce at fault. Then, we must find the bakesale (where the chemical-spiked cookies are), and close the chapter neatly.

    Speaking of cookies, I’d like one of those too.

    – Wings

  236. Pon 28 May 2009 at 9:33 am

    Sorry for not posting in a while friends, but I have a suggestion for how Pierce will jump into the action. Darren, being the depressed, disabled nerd of the group is basically holding up a banner that says, “Bully me!”. I suggest Pierce appears at a time when Darren is being bullied and, in an easy manner, (him being about a 6″ 8′ 17 year old biker equiped with the leather jacket and sunglasses which give off the unintentional, “Yeah, I could kill you.” look.) scares off the bullies in a humorous fashion (simply staring at them and them running maniacally the other direction would work). Anways, this would work better if I knew if Meg and Darren had a friendly connection or aquiantanship (I hope thats actually a word) because Pierce could meet the team through Darren.

    Anyways, if one of the cookies you get happens to be glowing red, save that one for me. I would enjoy metal manipulation.

    ~ P

  237. Pon 28 May 2009 at 10:26 am

    I have read through much of Ch. 1 and the Ian versus Pierce thing is a good way to reveal how arrogant Ian is to actual danger. I say this because Pierce bassically has no moral issues with beating Ian into a lifeless piece of meat.

    Keep up the good work Wings!

    ~ P

  238. Wingson 28 May 2009 at 11:02 am

    I rather like your suggestion. I’d been counting on them finding Darren later (just to drive home the fact that he’s pretty much invisible to the rest of the world). I’m not too sure about showing Pierce as the good guy just yet. At several points in the story, Darren wonders if his brother chose to be evil, although *spoiler* he saves Darren several times without Darren knowing (a giant metal spike erupts from the ground, causing the Gifted charging Darren to run headlong into it. Ow.).

    I actually have two seperate personalities for Darren planned out (Curse history for interrupting me!).

    1. This is the original Darren: introverted, insecure, and a Bully Magnet. He has little to no faith in himself and his abiities.

    2. Although this Darren is also insecure, he tries his best to cover it up. He’s increasingly angry at himself for not being able to help (No matter how powerful he is, the guy in a wheelchair will always be a liability).

    I’m worried I have too many quiet guys (Ian and Connor), so I am unsure which to pick.

    And I draw the line at 6ft 5in for Pierce. And no tricorn hats. Before you even ask. 😉

    – Wings

  239. El!zelleon 31 May 2009 at 6:46 am

    Wings-

    I think the 2nd would work better, you could also have Pierce and Ian crash intentionally because of male dominance issues. That could be another reason that Pierce and Ian are on different sides. The characters could take advantage of that!

    Yeah, and Wings, we have NEVER met before. I am just another dorky teen on the other side of the US.

    – El!zelle

  240. Wingson 31 May 2009 at 8:36 am

    To help mesh with the “bad boy” image, Pierce is probably getting a motorcycle. He probably wouldn’t survive a crash with Ian’s convertible in one piece.

    I do prefer personality two for Darren, but I will have to ask his co-creator to finalize it.

    Huh, your writing style sounds like a fanfiction reviewer’s style…

    – Wings

  241. Trollitradeon 31 May 2009 at 6:25 pm

    I feel useless. xD I’m way behind in the development assistance for your story, Wings. ^_^;; Don’t mind me if I say something dumb or misinformed.
    +
    I agree that your second personality idea works better for Darren. He’s insecure about his disability, and angry that he can’t help, but he tries to laugh it off and look confident about everything. Probably, characters close to him can pick up on how hard he’s being on himself, but there may not be a lot they can do for him until his powers improve and he finds his place on the team…?
    +
    Covering up his insecurity sounds like a good idea instead of him being quiet or nervous. ^_^ Maybe even giving him a somewhat upbeat personality would help, even though he’s usually not as confident as he feels? And due to insecurity, he might make jokes about himself, just so nobody else can put him down first…
    +
    Pierce gets a motorcycle… xD I don’t think I’ve got a firm understanding of Pierce’s personality (I’m new here, eek!), but it’s possible that a motorcycle might be over the top for him. EVERY “badass” character has a motorcycle. If you let him wear a leather jacket and sunglasses while riding the motorcycle, it would be terrible. xD I think it’d be really awesome to give the motorcyle to the biggest nerd in your story, but… I dunno. ^_^;; Just giving Pierce the motorcycle for the sake of badassery might not be a very original angle. I’m sure there’s a way to pull it off, though. ^_^

  242. Wingson 31 May 2009 at 7:47 pm

    Yeah, I too am reconsidering the motorcycle for Pierce.

    I’ll give you the short version of Pierce’s personality. For more details, read old posts or ask P.

    At first glance, Pierce appears to be the typical Scary Bad Boy. However, when the group receives their powers, Pierce is one of the two who attend the mass hypnosis (Meg’s power knocks out her alarm clock, Ian dreamms about flying and wakes up on the roof, Darren is wedged in a doorway, and Connor is at home) and ends up being the only one actually hypnotized (Jazz,being unsure whatside she belongs on, chooses Scarlet’s side). However, even under Scarlet’s control, Pierce manages to subdue the hypnosis enough to save Darren on occasion.

    Then, Pierce becomes Scarlet’s lab rat for testing of the Titan’s Diamond. He is sent as a veritable one-man army to destroy the Specials, still bearing his half of the diamond. He is, however, distracted by Darren’s presence, allowing Meg to finish him (He survives).

  243. Wingson 31 May 2009 at 7:49 pm

    Yeah, I too am reconsidering the motorcycle for Pierce.

    I’ll give you the short version of Pierce’s personality. For more details, read old posts or ask P.

    At first glance, Pierce appears to be the typical Scary Bad Boy. However, when the group receives their powers, Pierce is one of the two who attend the mass hypnosis (Meg’s power knocks out her alarm clock, Ian dreamms about flying and wakes up on the roof, Darren is wedged in a doorway, and Connor is at home) and ends up being the only one actually hypnotized (Jazz,being unsure whatside she belongs on, chooses Scarlet’s side). However, even under Scarlet’s control, Pierce manages to subdue the hypnosis enough to save Darren on occasion.

    Then, Pierce becomes Scarlet’s lab rat for testing of the Titan’s Diamond. He is sent as a veritable one-man army to destroy the Specials, still bearing his half of the diamond. He is, however, distracted by Darren’s presence, allowing Meg to finish him (He survives).

    More in a minute accidently submitted comment,

    – Wings

  244. Wingson 02 Jun 2009 at 1:49 pm

    To take the motorcycle or not take the motorcycle, that is the question.

    – Shakespeare and myself

    Alas, writer’s block again.

    – Wings

  245. Wingson 03 Jun 2009 at 7:35 am

    Right now, I’m working on whether I should take Pierce’s motorcycle or not. P refuses to let it be taken, and I’m wondering if anything else is worthy of him (Walking to school? Perish forbid!).

    Since you, unlike P and myself, have probably had a car, can you help us find a suitably badass one?

    – Wings

  246. Ragged Boyon 03 Jun 2009 at 8:46 am

    I think both cars and motorcycles for badass characters have gotten pretty cliche. But if you had to choose out of both, I’d go with the car.

    Alternatively, he could always be getting dropped off and picked up by some random gang of badass hooligans.

  247. Wingson 03 Jun 2009 at 8:57 am

    Nah, sorry… But where can I find a suitably ownsome car?

    Of course, I could just not mention Pierce’s mode of transportation at all…

    Now all I have to do is convince P that a motorcycle is a bad idea. That will be much harder than it sounds and may require the lunchbox.

    – Wings

  248. Tomon 03 Jun 2009 at 8:58 am

    Well if Pierce was really badass, he wouldn’t need to walk to school, the school would come to him out of fear. 😛

    In all seriousness, yeah, motorcycles are a tad cliche. I’m sure there’s a Trope on TVTropes for it, but I don’t feel like looking it up.

  249. B. Macon 03 Jun 2009 at 10:00 am

    Badass Biker. I agree that it’s cliche to try to make a character feel badass by giving him a motorcycle.

    I was thinking about giving Agent Orange a motorcycle because he wants to be badass, but my in-story explanation is that alligators are red-green colorblind, so he can’t read traffic lights. This leads him to a comedy of errors at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

  250. Tomon 03 Jun 2009 at 10:20 am

    Ah! Knew there was a trope!

  251. B. Macon 03 Jun 2009 at 11:47 am

    “But where can I find a suitably awesome car?” I wouldn’t worry about finding one. Just make one up. Your readers probably aren’t car buffs and research in this field probably won’t add to the reading experience.

  252. Wingson 03 Jun 2009 at 10:48 pm

    Okay then. *goes to window and shouts* P! No more motorcycle!

    Oh, he’s going to kill me for this one, considering I already denied a goatee for Pierce in book 2 (What is it with guys and goatees?!?).

    – Wings

  253. Wingson 03 Jun 2009 at 11:05 pm

    Just some useless details on the Specials’ physical appearences:

    Name: Megan “Meg” Reed
    Age: 17
    Height: 5 ft 8 in
    Hair color: Brown
    Eye color: Brown

    Name: Ian White
    Age: 16
    Height: 5 ft 9 1/2 in
    Hair color: Light blond
    Eye color: Blue

    Name: Darren Newton
    Age: 17
    Height: 6 ft 3 1/2 in (in wheelchair)
    Hair color: Dark blond
    Eye color: Gray

    Name: Connor Reed
    Age: 11
    Height: 4 ft 9 in (How tall are 11 year olds…)
    Hair color: Light brown
    Eye color: Brown

    Name: Jasmine “Jazz” Sheridan
    Age: 16
    Height: 5 ft 6 3/4 in
    Hair color: Black
    Eye color: Green

    Name: Pierce Newton
    Age: 17
    Height: 6 ft 2 in
    Hair color: Dark blond
    Eye color: Gray

    Yes, I know I forgot to mention Meg’s name.

    “Put it to you this way. If you’re in preschool and have two ways to write your name, which do you pick? The longer one or the shorter one? What? I was a sharp kid.”

    -Meg, on her name

    I will return!

    – Wings

  254. Wingson 04 Jun 2009 at 10:23 pm

    Finally, P and myself are in high school! It’s summer! Yay!

    However, since P won’t tell me where he lives (probably a good idea actually) our main form of communication is the Net (But I finally weaseled his email address out of him! *looks at P* Must you be so secretive?!?).

    – Wings

  255. Wingson 07 Jun 2009 at 10:10 am

    I’ve been doing some character sketches for book 2 now:

    Good:

    Connor “Nimbus”, the only remaining Special still at Visvires Academy

    Drew “Frostbite”, an ice manipulator created via a diamond shard for the second generation of Specials

    Kassandra “Oracle”, a True Natural thought insane because of her premonitions of the present and future

    Elle “Temptress”, Kassandra’s younger sister and a mind controller

    (An unknown, uncreated male hero)

    – Wings

  256. Holliequon 07 Jun 2009 at 1:39 pm

    I think calling the seer Kassandra is a bit too obvious. 😛 If you like K names, what do you think of Kathryn or Karen?

    I’m not really feeling “Temptress” as a supername. It feels a little long and doesn’t seem to fit with the mind control.

  257. Sandmanon 07 Jun 2009 at 2:46 pm

    I think temptress fits great with a mind controller, since tempting is all about getting people to give in to you. Although it doesn’t really sit well with a young girl, and a hero at that. If you make temptress older and a villain, or at least anti-hero it could work. And mind-control isn’t really a hero power, sincce the temptation [sorry unavoidable pun!] would be too great to just do and take whatever you want.
    As per Pierce’s bike, how about a moped or scooter instead?
    Re pierce’s goatee, i don’t know any teenagers with goatees. I know a few trying to grow moustaches but they look god awful ridiculous. *shudders*. How about having Pierce copy me and several of my other really macho teen guy friends and giving him stubble?
    And is high school any good? I wouldn’t know since I’m irish, but at least your exams havn’t been horribly screwed up. Thankfully I’m not doing the leaving til next year…
    Sorry, really off topic. If you don’t want to use Doomsday as a book name, how about Ragnarok, Judgement day or The Rapture?

  258. Wingson 07 Jun 2009 at 6:08 pm

    Hello Sandman,

    All of my characters are 16-17 (except Connor) in book 1. A scooter doesn’t have quite the same effect as a cool car or motorcycle. 🙂

    In book 2 Pierce is 22-23 years old. Therefore, I think the goatee may be plausible there (I detest you, P) but I still dislike the concept.

    Yeah, Temptress is a little old for Elle (I felt nostaligic and read a bunch of my old mythology books the other day. Elle is based on Helen, Kassandra on – well, Cassandra). I just really liked what Elle would end up calling Kassandra (Andra would be her nickname).

    Doomsday is no longer the title since it was already used (So is Ragarnok). Right now, the title is Minutes to Midnight (alluding to the Doomsday Clock).

    Here are the villain bios:

    Scarlet/Crimson, now possessing a different “shell” and part of the Titan’s Diamond

    (unnamed, want suggestions) “Remembrence”, a mind reader who can bring memories to life (Ironic, since most of her own memories were wiped by Scarlet)

    And my favorite character as of this instant:

    Julian “Harbinger”, a mind-erased former empath who was fused with the Titan’s Diamond (He isn’t powered by the Diamond, he lS the Diamond)

    Whew, long post.

    – Wings

  259. Sandmanon 08 Jun 2009 at 5:39 am

    So if Julian was fused with theTitan’s Diamond wouldn’t he have the abilities of the diamond, ie taking power from some people and giving powers to others?
    Would Scarlet have the same powers as in the first book or new ones, as he is in a new body? And since he’s in anew body, no one would recognise him. So you could present him to connor as a hero on his side, and later reveal his true intentions.
    And for the unnamed character, how about Maya for a girl, or Logan for a guy?

  260. Wingson 08 Jun 2009 at 7:24 pm

    I like Maya for Remembrence’s name. Thanks!

    Since the Diamond has the power to generate power, Julian has an unlimited power source. However, the power is all but impossible to surpress or control, and it is unpredictable – rings of fire could be exploding out of him at one point, the next minute, he could be having visions of alternate futures (For instance, I wrote a scene where the car accident that put Darren in a wheelchair never happened – it’s pure Nightmare Fuel (see TVTropes) I’ll post it eventually – it’s called “Make a Wish, Pierce”).

    Scarlet would have no powers, but could create new ones with his Diamond shard (his former prison). Instead of creating a faceless Gifted army, he puts all his time into creating a few loyal supersoldiers. He combs the street for True Naturals, and finds Maya and Julian. He erases their memories and turns Maya into a mxture of True and Artificial Natural, and, when he later finds Julian, he experiments with fusing the Diamond into his body (Just like how he tested the effects of a Diamond shard’s power increase on Pierce – he wanted to see if it would work before testing it on himself).

    – Wings

  261. Sandmanon 09 Jun 2009 at 5:11 am

    Ah the old alternate future bit. That worked pretty well on Heroes, and Supernatural.
    So Julian is really powerful but has no control over it? That sounds like a liability more than an asset. I mean, why would a now powerless Scarlet want someone like that? And how does he erase their memories if he has no pwers?

  262. Wingson 09 Jun 2009 at 9:12 am

    To quote Scarlet on Julian: “He can level an army in a moment, and raise a city in the next”. If you just let him loose in a city he could cause some serious damage.

    The reason I made him a True Natural is because there is no way to remove his powers unless he is killed (When the dark side of a shard touches the skin, it saps powers if the person is an Artificial Natural – but True Naturals have their full consiousnesses sucked out of them, and their bodies crumble to dust).

    Scarlet’s chemical in book 1 is just an artificial version of the diamond. It can only grant powers. Boiling a piece of the diamond creates a substance with the same abiities. Therefore, Scarlet could simply boil a piece of the diamond and gain powers – he could also simply gain powers as long as he has the shard on his person. And after all, before Scarlet’s powers weren’t that good in offensive combat (He was a hypnotist and could possess beings).

    – Wings

  263. Sandmanon 09 Jun 2009 at 9:46 am

    So why doesn’t he use the crystal to gain powers for himself? It seems like what he would do, and he’s surrounded himself wiyh people substantially more powerful than himself. He’d probably want some way to guarantee that one of them won’t try to take over… Though if one of them did take over that would be a great twist for your story.

  264. Wingson 09 Jun 2009 at 3:06 pm

    He does use the crystal to make himself powerful. Like he did in the first book, he tests on of his plans (fusing with the Diamond) on Julian first. Also, (instead of using hypnosis like last time) he erases Maya and Julian’s memories and dupes them into thinking he’s the good person (Julian only remembers his name – nothing else from his past is retained). He creates two people who are extremely powerful because his hypnotized army didn’t work out as well as he had hoped (They haven’t got very good reflexes, and they always stick too the same attack every time – this makes them predictable). If a person still maintains their sense of self, they are much more dangerous in battle because of quick reactions and actually thinking for themselves (This way, they can adapt easily to their enemy, especially for Remembrance and her mind reading).

    Gotta go

    – Wings

  265. Sandmanon 10 Jun 2009 at 3:40 am

    So he learns from his mistakes. That’s good. But, uh… HOW exactly does he erase their memories if he has no powers? And what exactly does he want?

  266. Pon 10 Jun 2009 at 9:40 am

    Well, here I am again, and boy has the first days of summer been a blast. Anyway the main purpose of my appearance is to defend Pierce’s motorcycle. I am now prepared to explain the sheer awesome that the motorcycle has in store for our beginning bad-to-the-bone hero.

    1. The motorcycle is much more maneuverable, agile and more quick then most vehicles.

    2. It completely reflects Pierce’s personality.

    3. It can easily dodge traffic and provide a very nice chase scene and can catch more air then a car of course making it more ideal for a hero without a super-powered form of travel.

    4. It could a quicker way for Pierce to gain metal for a fight, (Its takes much less time to absorb a motorcycle than a car).

    5. They are awesome.

    Please take all of my points into consideration but I guess its all up to Wings.
    Thank you.

    ~P

  267. Wingson 10 Jun 2009 at 10:52 am

    P, you idiot! Where the heck have you been?!?

    1.Yes, this is true.

    2. Not applicable. Maybe, but I’m pushing it with the leather jacket and shades as it is

    3. There are none of these in book1 at least.

    4. What about all the nonmetal parts (seat, handlebars, glass, wires, tires)? He’s going to need to filter through all of that.

    5. Gah! If I have told you once I have told you a thousand times, this is not a valid reason.

    1/5

    No motorcycle. Quit playing WOW and post more often, O Vexing One!

    – Wings

  268. Wingson 10 Jun 2009 at 11:00 am

    *sighs*

    Sorry for attemting to bite your head off, but I’ve been stuck in my cage- ROOM! for ages with no company.

    And I’ve been (how should I put this?) Drafted? Pressed into service? Become a source of free freshman labor?

    No matter what, I’m still stuck working at my old school aka Hell on Earth for this week. That is, cleaning classrooms and seeing a whole lotta people who I would rather avoid. Gah!

    – Wings, from her cage-ROOM!

  269. Wingson 10 Jun 2009 at 11:05 am

    Sandman, he gains powers from the Diamond itself. Since the Diamond applys many different abiities to the user, he can simply decide for himself which powers he wants.

    – Wings

  270. Pon 10 Jun 2009 at 1:13 pm

    Bu-bu… My motorcycle… I need a moment…

    Alright, you win, but there has to be some good form of transportation for Pierce to use.

    Ill have to think of a few…

    …My poor motorcycle, once a prideful, sleek, and overall awesome machine, now a steaming hunk of scrap metal with large lunch box shaped imprints… *Sigh*

    Hmm… This just came to mind. Titan can absorb metal, but is he able to keep only one part to be attached and allow the rest to retain its shape? If so, he could fuse with a car, retain the shape of the engine, then use the engine to propell himself in a quick motion.

    Hmm… I dont think there is anything cliche about that…

    ~ P, Who is going to get a motorcycle liscense and run over Wings. (Just kidding… sheesh.)

  271. Tomon 10 Jun 2009 at 1:20 pm

    Here’s an idea, give him a normal bike, but somehow make that seem totally badass and cool.

    Okay it’s more of a challenge than idea. Good luck! 😛

  272. Pon 10 Jun 2009 at 1:38 pm

    Well, I personally cannot see just a plain bike as bad, but you have to consider the fact that he is 17.

    Oh, this also came into mind when I walked into my garage, a mustang convertible, bad, sleek, fast…

    But still, it is up to Wings.

    I would say my earlier idea was better than the mustang, but it would be extremely hard to portray that in descriptive writing. However with Wings level of skill, it should not be a problem.

    ~ P, who at the moment wants a soda.

  273. Pon 10 Jun 2009 at 1:43 pm

    Well, from this point I will probably not be postng for the rest of the day. Wings, please e-mail me if you want me to come on here and discuss this more.

    ~ P

  274. Sandmanon 10 Jun 2009 at 2:30 pm

    Well wings, you could give him a bike, sunglasses and jacket but have him lampoon it himself. That way he’s a badass with a sense of humour.
    And you don’t always need a big scary guy shouting to be intimidating. Watch Pulp Fiction, if you haven’t already. Samuel Jackson’s character starts yammering about burgers, but just his tone and presence is intimidating and badass as hell.

  275. Wingson 10 Jun 2009 at 3:14 pm

    *Wings reads old posts, and seeing that P is already depressed enough, puts away the box of salt she meant to rub into his wounds*

    Post 1. Run me over and I shall haunt you for your next three lives, P.

    *reads what happened to the motorcycle*

    Man, you seriously covered everything. Am I that predictable? (You’re safe for now – the lunchbox has been put away for the summer)

    Post 2. I agree with this one. It’s like putting P himself on a pink girl’s bike, emblazoned with pictures of Hannah Montana with glittery streamers on the handlebars and a neon pink bicycle basket with a book about princesses inside. And a tiara. This is my worst nightmare, and I’m a girl. God knows what this would do to P. (Note to self: find out.) And here’s a soda.

    Post 3: Just because you said that I will assuredly not leave you alone. Haven’t you ever heard about reverse psychology? It vexes me!

    – Wings – *is sugar high*

  276. B. Macon 10 Jun 2009 at 4:01 pm

    “Well wings, you could give him a bike, sunglasses and jacket but have him lampoon it himself. That way he’s a badass with a sense of humour.”

    Hmm. I think that humor– particularly lampoonery and satire– usually compromises a protagonist’s badassness.

    For example, if you’re familiar with the Superhero Nation webcomic, I’d say that Agent Orange is a great example of why it’s so hard to keep a funny character badass. When a character makes a joke or is the butt of a joke, he usually comes off as less serious. Pretty much the only thing a character can do or so that’s both badass and funny is to make threats, and the opportunities for those are limited.

  277. Pon 10 Jun 2009 at 6:20 pm

    Well, one thing is for sure, I refuse to allow the riding of a pink bicycle with Hannah Montanna stickers and the like. Besides, l would think that to be to comical and they will take you, Wings, as an author who is not serious about your possition.

    ~ P

    P.S. You still say “vex” to much.

  278. Wingson 10 Jun 2009 at 9:11 pm

    I meant to try that on you, not your character. You ve-annoy me, O Wearer of Sunglasses.

    And it’s supposed to be comical. Duh. Someone’s defensive today…

    *parent calls for me*

    *to parent* Whatever it was, I didn’t do it!

    And that last exchange just kinda proved that my defensivenness is rubbing off on you – strike that, reverse it.

    – Wings – Gah!

  279. Sandmanon 11 Jun 2009 at 12:24 pm

    Hmm maybe lampooning himself wasn’t the right way to phrase what I meant… I mean other people point out the over the top things and Pierce sensibly defends it- eg. Meg “Wow Pierce. Sunglasses. Quite the badass.”. Pierce “Pi** off bit**, it’s sunny”.

  280. Wingson 13 Jun 2009 at 10:15 pm

    I’m trying to avoid too much cussing in my books, sorry.

    Besides, Meg and Pierce need to be on civil terms at least, since they team up twice. Some funny exchanges from book 2:

    To make it easier to get a lot of metal, Pierce ends up hiding a lot of metal on his person at all times – prompting many comments from Meg:

    “Don’t go near any airports like that. They’re having enough trouble with so-called terrorists as it is.”

    (Pierce uses metal to form a mask)

    Meg: “You know, you should really get into theater.”

    Pierce: “Why…”

    Meg: “I heard they’re hosting auditions for a musical version of The Man in the Iron Mask .”

    ——

    Anyway, I’m going to Vegas on Tuesday, so I’ll be offline for a while.

    And if anyone sees P, tell him I said that if he doesn’t post more often I will write a story in which Pierce is a Twilight vampire (mwahahaha!).

    – Wings

  281. Pon 18 Jun 2009 at 9:12 am

    Oh, lord. A TWILIGHT vampire?! Isn’t that a little, harsh?

    However I did enjoy your “Pi** off, bi***, it’s sunny outside.” Sandman.

    Oh, how I wish I could sometimes say that to Wings without the fear of having a limb amputated.

    And I have a very nice excuse to my lack of recent posts. I have recently run into an online video game called “City of Heroes” which allows you to create your own personal and unique hero or villain and clash on the streets of the over crowded streets of Paragon City.

    I’m just angry they did not have any metal manipulators. *sigh*

    Back on topic-

    Wings, when you return from your classy journey to Vegas, I would like you to answer this question. How are Meg and Pierce’s attitudes toward each other in the second book? And are they the only recognizable original characters?

    Anyways, I will probably not be able to answer for a while once again because I am going to Arizona for about 2 weeks, but I will bring my laptop and hopefully find an internet connection.

    ~ P, the badass geek.

  282. Wingson 18 Jun 2009 at 8:18 pm

    Say that to me and you will die a thousand deaths, P.

    And another RPG? Try and go outside sometime this summer, okay?

    No, Ian, Jazz, and Darren also are back in book two. I like working with the relationship between Meg and Pierce since it’s the most fun to write (Darren’s alone at art university, and Ian and Jazz are still a couple). So I can choose the lonely artist, the West Coast duo who are in love, or the crimefighters in NYC with all the best lines.

    And as to Vegas –

    Well, you found out why New York is called the City of Heroes, I found out why Vegas is called Sin City. Multiple times a day. Put it this way: You know you’re in Las Vegas when an epic pirate battle becomes a G-rated strip show. Oh yes. Classy? Not so much.

    Back to something relatively important –

    Meg and Pierce get along fairly well, however, they argue a lot (normally played comically)

    “Look, can we discuss what an idiot I am after we’re done fleeing for our lives?”

    – Meg

    “Well, someone’s got to keep you from blowing up the Empire State Building. Unfortunately I’m the only one in a hundred-mile radius. Curse my luck.”

    – Pierce

    “And here I thought you weren’t capable of such mental capacity.”

    – Meg

    Pierce manages to keep Meg’s hotheadedness from getting the better of her, while Meg alternatingly brings out Pierce’s strategic side in fights.

    In short, they’re frenemies (If that isn’t a word, it should be).

    Anyway, I’m back!

    – Wings

  283. Wingson 19 Jun 2009 at 9:15 am

    Gah!

    I’m getting too far ahead of myself. Back to chapter two!

    Now, how should I stage this? Should Ian crash into Pierce and Meg drag him away? Or should Meg crash into Pierce and Ian drag her away? The second one would make more sense (Meg about to pick a fight when Ian intervenes).

    I’m also debating changing Heather’s hypnosis for something more ofensive, since Crimson (Scarlet is now Crimson, thanks) can hypnotize on his own. What do you suggest?`

    – Wings

  284. Wingson 19 Jun 2009 at 9:34 am

    Oh, and Kassandra still needs a name. I’m thinking about using the name of one of the original first-gen specials: Alexis (Lexy). Or (so that Andra could still be Elle’s pet name for her) Alexandra.

    – Wings

  285. Wingson 19 Jun 2009 at 11:03 pm

    Wow. Since I joined in Febuary, the number of this website’s authors has at least tripled in amount. If you don’t count the disappeared ones, at least twice.

    Good going B. Mac!

    – Wings

  286. B. Macon 20 Jun 2009 at 1:09 am

    Hmm. From February to May, our site-traffic grew about 45%. So I think that it makes sense that we’d have more people using review forums. Maybe double.

  287. Wingson 20 Jun 2009 at 12:55 pm

    Just re-watched the movie Sky High for inspiration and remembered just how much I like Warren Peace…

    *loses cool and jumps up and down like a fangirl*

    You never saw that!

    – Wings

  288. Asayaon 20 Jun 2009 at 1:15 pm

    “I’m also debating changing Heather’s hypnosis for something more offensive, since Crimson (Scarlet is now Crimson, thanks) can hypnotize on his own. What do you suggest?`”

    It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything on SN, but why don’t you try giving her sensory manipulation- in a way it still allows for pseudo-hypnosis as she can control all five of a person’s senses.

    Like for example, she can walk through a room completely unnoticed, though she herself hasn’t turned invisible. Or she can alter a person’s visual sense, but they can still hear her. She’d have some pretty creative options.

    My second, uh, suggestion might be mind-scrambling, though I think one of your characters already has it. Hope this helps, at least a little.

  289. Wingson 20 Jun 2009 at 11:24 pm

    Not sure about the senses thing, it would be pretty hard to accurately describe.

    Announcement: Darren is ditching the memory erasing. It makes the book a little Eigen-plotty and offers more scope for how they’re going to explain the mass destruction (Asbestos, science lab explosion, massive nervous breakdown…).

    Something more… combat related would help Heather. Like, even if she can blind or deafen her opponent for a time, she still isn’t strong or powerful enough to take someone out.

    – Wings

  290. Wingson 20 Jun 2009 at 11:32 pm

    Great idea for Heather. Just remembered an old Sky High fanfiction I read (it was pretty bad). However, one OC had the power to make a person feel the worst pain imaginable (all in the person’s head, but seriously scary). Maybe a more minor version of this would work.

    Created a new villain – probably won’t use him, but throwing him out here to be reviewed.

    Name: Scapegoat
    Power: Whatever pain/injuries you inflict upon him, you feel the same amount of pain in the same place (Stab him in the arm, and you will feel as though you were stabbed in the arm).

    Interesing power, but the question is, what happens if you kill him?

    – Wings

  291. Wingson 22 Jun 2009 at 8:15 am

    Since P apparently hasn’t found an internet connection yet, could somebody help me here? (Look at the last 5 posts or so)

    – Wings

  292. Wingson 22 Jun 2009 at 8:25 pm

    Okay, unless someone knows something even more suited to Heather, I’m replacing her hypnosis with the ability to cause severe mental pain.

    – Wings

  293. B. Macon 22 Jun 2009 at 8:53 pm

    Mental pain is ok, but I suspect that her fight scenes will probably feel dull as they get longer. It isn’t much of a fight if one side is cringing in pain (see Superman on Kryptonite).

    I suspect that you could resolve this to some extent by giving her a teammate.

  294. Wingson 22 Jun 2009 at 9:48 pm

    She does have Stonehead, a non-hypnotized villain with super strength. In the last few chapters, the matchups for the duel-like series of fights is:

    Nimbus and Mindwave
    versus
    The Last 12 Gifted
    (Even, since as a telekinetic and an aura controller they can use their abilities to disable a large group of people at once)

    Nightshade
    versus
    Stonehead
    (Even – when Jazz shapeshifts she gains the strength of the animal she is, therefore she can fight as a tiger or bear)

    Gabriel
    versus
    Empress
    (Slightly in Heather’s favor – deep down, Ian still has feelings for her and doesn’t want to hurt her)
    Crimson w/ Titan’s Diamond
    versus
    Sparks and Titan

    (Even – since, thanks to the diamond, Crimson has limitless power)

    Also (like Elle’s mind control) Heather has to meet hervictem’s eyes in order for the power to work.

    – Wings

  295. Wingson 25 Jun 2009 at 9:52 pm

    Did some research on TvTropes-

    From what I read:

    – Flying humans are impossible (Increase Ian’s strength here, make him a little lighter there, and it’s a little more plausible)

    – The mass difference of shapeshifters who can become much smaller (I’ll just skate over this one, since there is no logical explanation)

    The only documented powers were Ian’s, Meg’s and Jazz’s, there may have been something small for Darren, but to my imnense satisfaction it appears that Connor and Pierce’s powers are completely unique. Yay!

    – Wings

  296. B. Macon 25 Jun 2009 at 9:59 pm

    “The mass difference of shapeshifters who can become much smaller (I’ll just skate over this one, since there is no logical explanation)…”

    That could be very funny.

    “Wait, wait. You have the ability to make enough electricity to blow up a tank and you’re telling me that my powers are unrealistic?”

    That said, I’d only delve as deeply into the science as the story/audience warrants. For example, if any of your characters change size, 99% of readers don’t care that a shrunken/giant human body couldn’t function because human cells are designed to function at a particular size. To the extent that you try to satisfy the 1% of readers that do, please make sure that you do so in a way that interests the other 99%. For example, I think the above joke about the tank is reasonably funny.

  297. Marissaon 25 Jun 2009 at 10:18 pm

    Metal manipulation is unique?

    Might I point you to Magneto, plus four or five other famous heroes and villains?

    (Plus that’s one of Jason’s powers. Jason is the leader of the SENTRY, in my book.)

  298. Wingson 26 Jun 2009 at 1:21 pm

    Unique wasn’t quite what I meant. What I mean is the nature of the manipulation – metal absorption to form an armor or weapon. I mean, *tecnically* you could class Connor’s aura manipulation as the Force. I’m just saying it doesn’t appear to be cliche or overused.

    (And being the sheltered little girl that I am, I have no clue exactly how Magneto’s powers work)

    – Wings

  299. Wingson 26 Jun 2009 at 1:24 pm

    And incorrespondence to my previous comment, yes, I am an utter idiot. Before you even ask. 🙂

    – Wings

  300. Wingson 27 Jun 2009 at 10:06 am

    Okay, I am officially ashamed of myself. I only just started work on Chapter Two, since other more pressing matters have occupied me (Food, sleep, and my birthday tomorrow).

  301. B. Macon 27 Jun 2009 at 12:04 pm

    Happy birthday.

  302. Wingson 27 Jun 2009 at 9:41 pm

    Thanks!

    For me, the ideal birthday is filled with food, sleep, and video games (I need a t-shirt that says that – food, sleep, and video games).

    – Wings

    – Wings

  303. Tomon 28 Jun 2009 at 3:47 am

    http://sharkrobot.com/store/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=227&zenid=8f31f0e33cd384e02f3557eaa21bd9dd

    You’re welcome. ^_^

  304. Holliequon 28 Jun 2009 at 6:58 am

    Happy birthday, Wings!

  305. Pon 28 Jun 2009 at 3:38 pm

    Ha HA! Finally found an Internet connection. Greetings everyone from the 110′ weather in New Mexico.

    Anyways, happy birthday Wings. I found a large rock I am going to throw in your window as a present and a birthday card that says, “I don’t dislike you.”

    However, the reason for my appearance is to point out how unique Pierce’s metallic manipulation abilities are.

    1. Magneto is only one of the thousands of supers that have been created that has metal manipulation (that I know of).
    2. Pierce does not have the ability to lift metal out of the ground, from across the street, or out of Wolverines body. He has to come into physical contact with it for it to become useful.
    3. When Pierce touches a metal object, he can meld it into virtually any shape he wishes as long as it is attached to his skin.
    4. Wings mentioned something about, “iron blood” a while ago to me, however she did not shine much light upon it for me. (I hope it is something like, Pierce gets shot with a bullet and a large, dark red spike shoots out of wound.

    That brings me to another question. Does this,”iron blood” ability or was it just my over active imagination? And if so, what does it do?

    Also, if Magneto has any of the powers I listed above, I apologize because I am not familiar with the X Men series.

    ~ P, who is switching hotels tomorrow and hopes the next one will also have nice Wifi.

  306. Marissaon 28 Jun 2009 at 8:14 pm

    1. Ah yes, but Magneto is very, very famous, so it doesn’t matter how many there are, just how prevalent.

    2. That’s basically Magneto’s powers, but limited in half. Magneto can do that, too.

    Not saying to change it, just letting you know it is out there. 🙂

  307. Wingson 28 Jun 2009 at 8:36 pm

    P, P, P…

    Iron in blood, not iron blood. Humans do have some metals naturally inside their blood and the like (IRON, for example). Although there isn’t that much of it (no giant battle ax) it’s still useful (His finger’s a key!).

    Oh, and P, there’s another single-letter-name user here now, D.

    – Wings

  308. Marissaon 28 Jun 2009 at 8:42 pm

    I’m pretty sure that if you draw the iron out of the blood, even to do something small like make a key, you die. =/ You’d have to double-check that, but I’ve heard the iron is crucial to staying alive.

  309. Pon 28 Jun 2009 at 9:17 pm

    Well, having it attached to his body nearly all the time has probably induced a unnatural amount of it in his blood stream. Also, with every power, there would have to be some scientific reasoning behind it. Pierce would become very unique if this ability were stressed.

    ~ P

  310. Wingson 28 Jun 2009 at 9:51 pm

    Either way, most of Pierce’s metal is from physical pieces of metal hidden on his person – prompting many metal-detector comments from Meg.

    And yes, I have finally started work on chapter 2.

    – Wings

  311. Wingson 10 Jul 2009 at 10:18 pm

    I’ve been gone a while (Kinda broke a computer. Twice. The ‘rents weren’t happy). I am also, unfortunately, still working on chapter 2. *hits self with newspaper* Bad Wings! Bad!

    – Wings

  312. B. Macon 10 Jul 2009 at 10:20 pm

    Hey, don’t worry about it! Just start writing. 🙂

  313. FarawaySoulon 10 Jul 2009 at 11:43 pm

    How much iron exactly does Pierce carry around? How does Pierce hide it? Just curious.

    Ah, and I think it would be cool if Pierce generally uses his watch to create small objects, like keys.

  314. Wingson 11 Jul 2009 at 9:41 am

    On your watch idea – Just remember that there are a lot of nonmetal parts in a watch (glass, etc.) and he’ll have to filter through all of that.

    Put it this way- there are pockets inside Pierce’s jacket, pants pockets… just enough so that he isn’t too heavily weighed down. Like, a little more than the amount of metal in a metal trash can lid. Also, there’s a lot of metal just lying around (Trash cans, scrap metal, even aluminum foil or tin cans – although the latter don’t provide much).

    – Wings

  315. trekfanon 13 Jul 2009 at 5:13 pm

    Whew, a lot of good info to read through. Have to say, that the first chapter has evolved with the revisions. I’m liking the characters (Greek names and all) and I do like the way your characters seem so young and have this responsibility heaped on them.

    I don’t mind the slow start (death, destruction, and suspense missing doesn’t incur a turnoff for me. Though as a guy, I wouldn’t mind the death, destruction, suspense 🙂 )

    I look forward to more.

  316. Wingson 14 Jul 2009 at 11:57 am

    Hey, thanks! I don’t really feel like throwing readers headlong into dystopia (exaggeration), so I’ll show them something softer first.

    I think I might change the name Nimbus to the earlier-suggested Aegis if nothing else shows up.

    And, even as a girl, I have no problems with death, destruction, and suspense. And fire. I like fire. Yes.

    – Wings (who is not a pyromaniac, but just likes watching things burn)

  317. Wingson 14 Jul 2009 at 12:30 pm

    Here’s the first segment of Chapter Two, enjoy!

    —————-

    Chapter Two: Sugar Makes the World Go Round

    “Say, how’s Connor been doing?” Ian asked as he narrowly dodged a foam football tossed his way.

    “He’s doing great. I’m just hoping that one of these days Mom will come to her senses and let him skip a grade already. I mean, he’s started to borrow my textbooks out of boredom.” Meg said as she adjusted her bag gingerly. Ow! Curse this homework…

    Ian winced comically. “Ow. You must have to be pretty desperate to even pick up one of those. I’d bet five bucks they weigh as much as he does.”

    “I’ll take that bet and say they weigh more.” Meg said as they continued. She winced as the shoulder strap dug into her arm. “After all, I’m carrying them –”

    Meg’s bag crashed to the ground, her papers escaping yet again. A tall figure towered over her, apparently unscathed from colliding with Meg. He was wearing a worn leather jacket, and a pair of dark sunglasses obscured his eyes. However, he made no move to help her, which further incensed Meg. “What the hell is your – mmph!”

    Ian clamped his hand tighter over Meg’s mouth and dragged his protesting friend away, pencils starting to leak out of the bag she still held with one hand. “Meg, you idiot!” he hissed under his breath.

    “Mmph, mm rrrph!” Meg’s eyes flashed, Ian’s hand still over her mouth.

    After they were a good distance away from the imposing figure, he released his friend. “Trust me, you’ll thank me later. Or kill me painfully.”

    “I like option two.” Meg growled as she stuffed scattered papers into her bag yet again.

    “Meg, are you insane? You don’t pick fights with that guy, I heard he’s been kicked out of five other schools for bad behavior! He’ll rip your head off!”

    “Not if I rip his head off first.” Meg did her best to calm down and shouldered her bag again. At least it’s a little lighter now…

    ———-

    Here ya go!

    – Wings

  318. trekfanon 14 Jul 2009 at 12:56 pm

    A nice little background on Connor there.

    I’d recommend naming the “tall figure”, but otherwise I like it.

  319. Trollitradeon 14 Jul 2009 at 1:25 pm

    Hello, Wings! 🙂

    I feel like I’m too far behind to really offer helpful critique for your story. *sadness*
    But I read the excerpt you wrote.
    I really like the dialogue between characters!
    It sounds lively, energetic, and personal.
    When I browse a book to see if I’m interested in reading it, one of the first things I check for is how lively the dialogue is.
    If everybody sort of sounds the same, and the conversations look boring, then I tend to put the book down pretty quickly.
    Your passage sounded like something I would like read. 🙂

    I think I’d like extra “starting details” about the tall figure, though.
    If we had a more detailed description of him, and he was shown to be intimidating (though apparently, not to Meg), I think it would give him more presence to the reader.
    Until Ian said he was a dangerous guy, I had no idea he might be important.
    I thought he was a random person that Meg slammed into, but it would’ve been cool to really see what was intimidating to Ian instead of only hearing about it afterwards.

    Maybe you could go into more detail when you describe him, and weave an air of “badboy” personality in there instead of only characterizing him with the leather jacket and sunglasses?
    Maybe mention his facial expression, or the way he’s standing?
    I’m not really sure about the specific examples, but if you describe the way he looks a little more, and try to give him a presence that would instantly remind Ian about this guy’s shaky history, I think it would make readers extra curious about the tall guy because they know immediately that he’s important.
    I hope this helps a little.
    I had trouble explaining myself, but I enjoyed what you wrote, Wings!

  320. Wingson 15 Jul 2009 at 6:01 pm

    One of the things that I’m trying to press about Pierce is that the characters know nothing about him. I also want to show Ian as naive (and slightly stereotypical) in the fact that he doesn’t really care and just wants to avoid trouble (in this case, Pierce).

    Meg appears to lose a lot of papers. I wonder about her grades. (Bag drops: twice in two chapters).

    I’m hoping to work in a sequence in which Ian gets hit by a folding table in the next part (What can I say? Those girls from the bake sale were in a hurry. Poor guy – he takes a lot of blows to the head).

    I’m pleased with Connor’s intro. I’m actually not good at humor – it’s all accidental.

    Pierce is staring blankly ahead – but since he’s wearing sunglasses, no one can see that. Curses!

    – Wings

    “In the event of an emergency, use the person next to you as a flotation device” – Random Wings quote of the day

  321. Wingson 17 Jul 2009 at 8:23 pm

    After rereading some old posts, I wonder what a blood manipulator would be like (Gory, but cool) or a paper manipulator (It exists, I’ve seen it).

    Anyway, I’ve been reading manga again (started DNAngel and reread Full Metal Alchemist, both good) and I found the best possible example of how Pierce’s powers can work:

    Full Metal Alchemist
    Book 7
    Character: Greed (although he uses carbon instead of metal)

    P, if you’re reading this, go find that book. Do it now!

    Anyways, it appears I’m not the only one with a avian hero named Ian (Hello, FarawaySoul).

    – Wings

  322. S.V.T.on 19 Jul 2009 at 8:59 pm

    Hey Wings,

    I’m a little late on this, but I like the idea of a school with an evil principal (reminds me of my own).

    So anyway, your characters are very colorful and interesting, except for of course, the tall figure with a leather jacket and sunglasses. In my personal opinion, I think he’d be better characterized if he actually said something to Meg to aggravate her.

    Also, why does the chapter have that title? Those are just my thoughts.

  323. B. Macon 20 Jul 2009 at 2:36 am

    A paper manipulator… Read or Die, perhaps?

  324. Wings!on 20 Jul 2009 at 9:26 am

    Yes! Knew I’d read that somewhere! Thanks, B. Mac.

    The chapter is titled thusly because of the addition of a bake sale and Ian’s reaction.

    Hmm… Pierce, in this scene, it’s the fact that he doesn’t appear to notice what’s going on that seriously ticks off Meg (Though it would be funny if he says something like, “Watch where you’re going” and Meg overreacts).

    – Wings

  325. Wingson 22 Jul 2009 at 9:00 pm

    Okay. Just wondering – is it okay to mention other superhero works? In one scene, Meg says she’s thought of a name for the team: The Special. When Ian sounds skeptical, she retorts with: “‘The Avengers’ was taken.” Is this OK?

    Now, I’m going back to work on chapter tw- *spots beady red eyes in window* Aagh! It’s the fanfiction plot bunnies! *starts running as fast as I can* You’ll never take me alive! Never, you hear me! Nev-

    *screaming, then abrupt silence*

    *a fuzzy white bunny with beady red eyes appears*

    Haha! We claim the writing power of another authoress! You won’t see HER for a few weeks!

    Sincerely, the Rabid Fanfiction Plot Bunny Association

    P.S. We’re coming for you next.

  326. S.V.T.on 23 Jul 2009 at 5:42 am

    I won’t look at bunnies the same way again.

    I think it’s OK to allude to other works in your writing. It happens all the time. Especially with The Avengers, since they been around for a very long time and don’t appear to be ending anytime soon, a lot of people should be able to know what you’re talking about. And those who don’t should Google. And if they don’t know how to use Google, I doubt that they’re part of your audience.

  327. B. Macon 23 Jul 2009 at 8:24 am

    “In one scene, Meg says she’s thought of a name for the team: The Special. When Ian sounds skeptical, she retorts with: “‘The Avengers’ was taken.” Is this OK?”

    I don’t think mentioning another series is legally problematic, but it’s hard to do well. However, I think that “The Avengers was already taken” could be a bit more artful. I slapped together a random Agent Orange/Agent Black scene about it here. What do you think?

  328. Pon 11 Aug 2009 at 11:09 am

    Wonderful! Fantastic! Bravo! Great work on the beginning of chapter two Wings.

    Hm. I never imagined the other students being so fearful of Pierce, but it adds to his mysterious, secret initiative for the pursuit of justice. Also, I liked how you used Meg’s personality in that situation, quite humorous.

    I do agree that Greed’s powers are a good way to use Pierce’s, but I imagined it more… exaggerated. Imagine a similar armor, but with spikes and three foot long steel fingers.

    S.V.T.: Don’t worry, Pierce’s personality will arrive in a few chapters or so… Or by what Wings has told me, near the end of the book when he regains his sanity. Oh, and he is modeled after me in real life, so thanks for calling me dull.

    ~ P

  329. Wingson 16 Aug 2009 at 8:32 pm

    Wheeze…I escaped those fanfiction plot bunnies at last…

    P: Only in clothing choices, you scrawny biker you. The real P is naught but a scrawny biker with an obsession with France and tricorn hats! *thoughts: He’s gonna kill me…* The armor is exaggerated, I just felt that Greed was an excellent example of how it formed/regenerated.

    I have a few anouncements to make. One, I’m discontinueing Ai. It’s become one of those ideas that only works in theory. I still want my other forum for my second announcement, though: Darkstar has taken on a life of his own and now has a plot (summary in other forum later). And I need help.

    – Wings

  330. Wingson 16 Aug 2009 at 9:53 pm

    Before I forget….

    P, Darkstar. Darkstar, P.

    It looks like our resident badass metal manipulator has some competition…

    – Wings

  331. Pon 17 Aug 2009 at 11:01 am

    Your earlier comment makes me think about a fight between two metal manipulators, it would seem quite strange actually, though quite exciting. One grabs the other, yanking off some metal, and the other repeats the as the ferociously flail at each other with their gigantic metal spikes and blades. Spikes shooting from the ground in all directions…

    Could pull a Thor VS Hulk and destroy almost all of New York City. Then again, New York has a lot of metal, so I was also thinking giant metal colossus battle…

    That brings me to this question, if Pierce had large stores of metal at his disposal, could he use them to build himself into a 40 ft. high metallic monstrosity? Or will he have to focus on to much metal and stop at some point?

    ~ P

    P.S. I don’t have an obsession with tricorn hats! I think you use the word to lightly Wings.

  332. Wingson 17 Aug 2009 at 6:40 pm

    You were dusting the tricorn hat in science class. Obsessively. I’m a witness. *to the rest of the world* He hasn’t brought the hat to school ever since I threatened to throw it under the wheels of a truck. (Nobody touches my lunch. Nobody)

    He’d have to have an extremely large amount of metal (read: over a ton). Every amount of metal he adds restricts his mobility, so yeah, he could become a behemoth, but he wouldn’t move. Picture a giant statue. And, of course, he could lose control and die from the weight.

    I’ve done some alterations for the sequel characters – a love triangle has been introduced in the form of ConnorxAndraxJulian, and Drew has gone from being a flirt to a guy who hits on evrything that moves (Including Meg and Jazz. The latter prompted a severe case of unstoppable rage from Ian).

    I just spent the day reading comic books. I discovered that cooking-centric mangas make me very hungry, that bright violet mohawks are rather creepy, and a electromagnetic manipulator who’s father was a robot (Whoever guesses which comic book I got this from gets a cookie!).

    See you at school tomorrow.

  333. Pon 17 Aug 2009 at 8:25 pm

    See you at school tomorrow Wings. For the rest of you, wish us luck.

    (Tomorrow… We dine… In Hell!!)

    Also, I would like you to bring whatever you are recording your novel on to school tomorrow so that I may help with chapter 2.

    ~ P

  334. Wingson 17 Aug 2009 at 9:05 pm

    I…I don’t think I can carry that computer and my backpack…

    I don’t have access to any other means of saving it, but what I can do is save a copy on my gmail account so that I can open it at school.

    Hope you went outside sometime this summer instead of playing RPGs, you lucky person…

    – Wings

  335. Wingson 20 Aug 2009 at 5:16 pm

    Something occurred to me a few days ago…When Remembrance creates an item/being from a memory, how long does it last? I did some thinking and came up with this.

    If she only makes one being/item, it has a lifespan of twelve hours. If she makes two, the lifespan is six hours each, three, the lifespan is four hours each, and continue on, dividing twelve by the number each time. In theory she could make an army of 48 people – but they would only last for 15 minutes each.

    Whatcha think?

  336. B. Macon 20 Aug 2009 at 5:29 pm

    I had a sort of related concept with time manipulation. A character can move at double speed for around five minutes a day, quadruple speed for around two and a half minutes, ten times speed speed for one minute, etc. That will encourage him to ration his abilities.

  337. Wingson 27 Aug 2009 at 9:12 pm

    I figured that without a limit her powers could go overpowered – and I do like the idea of the memories (not really illusions, since they’re tangible) having a set “life”.

    I created a sort of blurb for HTSTW – just as an exercise to see how much information I can fit into a reasonable format.

    ———-

    How To Save The World

    The first in the HTSTW trilogy. Four teenagers at the remote boarding school of Visvires Academy ingest a chemical that gives them special powers. Between fighting off hypnotized supersoldiers, finding a shapeshifter, rescuing a hypnotized metal manipulator and making sure no one ever finds out, Meg, Ian, Darren, and Connor have a lot on their plates. But, as the specials, they’re learning how to save the world – and doing as best as an impulsive electricity manipulator, a naïve winged healer, a frustrated telekinetic and a genius aura-reader can.

    Their leader, Meg, is an impulsive, short-tempered electricity manipulator. Although a loose cannon, she’s loyal to a fault and would kill for her little brother. Ian’s a flyer-slash-healer – naïve, innocent, gullible, and just a little shallow – but he’s a good kid, kindhearted and sweet. Darren’s brother is one of scarlet’s minions – and this angry telekinetic will do anything to get him back, despite his confinement to a wheelchair. Connor was the accident – he was never part of Crimson’s plan – but his powers – forcefields, aura sight, and force blasts – make him one of the most powerful Specials.

    Although there were only four Specials to begin with, the number grows to six with the addition of the Crimson traitor Jazz, an animal shapeshifter, and the lastly-acquired Pierce, a metal manipulator with a dark past, and Darren as a brother. Together their goal is to take down Crimson and his allys – after all, the Specials were never ones to quit.

    ———-

    Meh…I can do better. I’m creating these for all of my works. Note that I said trilogy – after dividing all of my ideas, all the arcs – I came up with enough semiplot for the course of three books: HTSTW, Minutes To Midnight (temp title), and the new Dreamings Past (temp title again).

    I’m also writing a deleted scene/side chapter/future chapter/thingy called Lift, a companion to my other DS/SC/FC/T (See above) Wish. Funny how both of them are about the Newton brothers: Wish is Pierce-centric while Lift is Darren-centric.

    I shall soon post the next few blurbs.

    – Wings

  338. Wingson 06 Sep 2009 at 6:05 pm

    Behold, minions…The completed first section of chapter two! *holds up poster that reads “World Domination Plan* *hides it* Wrong one!

    ————-

    Chapter Two: Sugar Makes the World Go Round

    “Say, how’s Connor been doing?” Ian asked as he narrowly dodged a foam football tossed his way.

    “He’s doing great. I’m just hoping that one of these days Mom will come to her senses and let him skip a grade already. I mean, he’s started to borrow my textbooks out of boredom.” Meg said as she adjusted her bag gingerly. Ow! Curse this homework…

    Ian winced comically. “Ow. You must have to be pretty desperate to even pick up one of those. I’d bet five bucks they weigh as much as he does.”

    “I’ll take that bet and say they weigh more.” Meg said as they continued. She winced as the shoulder strap dug into her arm. “After all, I’m carrying them –”

    Meg’s bag crashed to the ground, her papers escaping yet again. A tall figure towered over her, apparently unscathed from colliding with Meg. He was wearing a worn leather jacket, and a pair of dark sunglasses obscured his eyes. He made no move to help her up. “Watch where you’re going.”

    Meg snapped. “Watch where I’m going, you rude, self-absorbed ba-rrmph!”

    Ian put an end to Meg’s rant by clamping his hand over her mouth, shooting an anxious smile at the boy in the leather jacket, and dragged his protesting and struggling friend away. Pencils as well as papers started to leak out of the bag she still held with one hand. “Meg, you idiot!” he hissed under his breath.

    “Mmph, mm rrrph!” Meg’s eyes flashed, Ian’s hand still over her mouth.

    After they were a good distance away from the imposing figure, he released his friend. “Trust me, you’ll thank me later” He saw the enraged look on her face and amended his statement. “Or kill me painfully.”

    “I like option two.” Meg growled as she stuffed scattered papers into her bag yet again.

    “Meg, are you insane? That’s the Newton guy! You don’t pick fights with that guy, I heard he’s been kicked out of five other schools for bad behavior! He’ll rip your head off!”

    “Not if I rip his head off first.” Meg did her best to calm down and shouldered her bag again. At least it’s a little lighter now…

    WHACK.

    “Sorrys!” The redhead carrying one half of the folding table half-shouted at the fallen Ian. The trio of sophomores soon passed by the two friends, the last girl carrying a basket which was emitting a familiar odor.

    Noticing the smell, Meg unceremoniously dropped Ian back onto the ground. “Are those…peanut butter cookies?”

    The blonde with the basket nodded excitedly, her two pigtails bouncing as she did. “They’re for the bake sale fundraiser this afternoon!”

    Meg had almost forgotten Ian as she turned to follow the sophomores. However, after weighing the well-being of Ian and the temptation of cookies, she reluctantly turned back to her friend, who had begun to stir. “Ugh…did you get the license number of that truck…”

    Meg dragged Ian to his feet. “No time for pity, there are cookies at stake here!” She took off in pursuit of the three sophomores.

    At the thought of cookies, Ian perked up instantly, and he started sprinting after her.

    —-

    There is more, but I felt that I should post this. Enjoy! *sets out peanut butter cookies*

    – Wings

  339. Pon 09 Sep 2009 at 12:52 pm

    How generous!
    *P picks up and eats one of the hunger inducing pastries*
    *As if P’s body freezes, he stands deathly still as the cookie falls to the ground. His fist clenches as his eyes morph, slowly changing to a crisp, ruby red.*
    *A lunch box flies from an unkown location and smacks P in the face. The red color instantly dissapates from his eyes.”

    Oh, thank God.
    Anyways, wonderful job on the rest of Chapter 2, Wings.

    ~P, who you can probablly tell is bored.

  340. StarEon 09 Sep 2009 at 1:14 pm

    Hello, Wings! I read your chapter two thingy. Is the whole first chapter already posted someplace? Anyways, I enjoyed the read because the characters were fun, and the scene was paced nicely. 🙂 I liked the “kill me painfully/option two” joke, but it felt like it removed some of the urgency from the scene. It seems like the first thing Ian should’ve said to Meg after pulling her away would be the “You idiot, he’s the Newton guy” line, and THEN he says, “Trust me, you’ll thank me later”. That way, Ian still sounds urgent/concerned, and then the conversation mellows out a little before the cookie incident…? Like this:

    Ian: *after pulling Meg away to a safe spot* “Meg, are you insane? That’s the Newton guy! You don’t pick fights with that guy, I heard he’s been kicked out of five other schools for bad behavior! He’ll rip your head off!”

    Meg: “Not if I rip his head off first.”

    Ian: “Trust me, you’ll thank me later” *He saw the enraged look on her face and amended his statement* “Or kill me painfully.”

    Meg: “I like option two.” *Meg growled as she stuffed scattered papers into her bag yet again.*

    Then maybe they could say a little bit more, like Ian asking “anyways, you okay?” and then the cookie thing happens? I’m sorry if this isn’t very helpful. I’m trying, heh-heh. I think I’m better at giving my personal impressions of characters and storyline ideas rather than giving actual writing advice. Good luck with everything, Wings!

  341. Wingson 09 Sep 2009 at 1:58 pm

    Haha, thanks for your input.

    *retrieves lunchbox*

    My precious… *hugs it*

    P, go do your homework. 🙂 I know it’s boring and ridiculously time consuming *points flamethrower at geometry homework* but it must be done.

    StarE, the first chapter is posted somewhere on this page…just scroll up and you’ll eventually find it and the prologue as well.

    I’m going to post the prologue of Darkstar Rising on my other forum soon! Congratulate me!

    Darkstar: *without enthusiasm as usual* …Go, Wings…

    Wings: Again with feeling!

    – Wings, who should probably be doing her homework now

  342. StarEon 09 Sep 2009 at 2:07 pm

    I shall congratulate you accordingly. *salutes*

    I read some of the beginning posts, though I’ll try to find the first part of the story so I know what’s going on. I think I have to do homework now, too.

    Um, bye! 🙂 I’ll try to comment later on the story, but I don’t know if it’ll be very helpful… What kind of comments are you looking for right now, Wings? Are there certain problems you’re trying to fix, or do you just wanna get peoples’ first impressions of your chapter pieces?

  343. Wingson 09 Sep 2009 at 2:13 pm

    One thing I’d like in reviews is just if people would say if something plotwise was good. I pride myself on my plots, and I came to SN for character help and overall smoothing.

    For instance, in Darkstar Rising (see my other forum under “Review Forums”) I formulated the ending scenes to seriously screw around with people’s heads. But does it work? No one’s commented on that.

    Stuill, what would be awesome is if everyone who visited this page to see one of my new post left a review, instead of reading and leaving. Reviews = joy for Wings, and joy for Wings = more virtual cookies for reviewers.

    – Wings

  344. Ghoston 09 Sep 2009 at 2:28 pm

    Wings,
    So I like what I have read so far, your storys voice sounds great. Is this all of the chapter or just a portion(I dont know if you are aiming for chapter lengths like James Patter or Tolkien), because it doesn’t seem like their is much going on. I guess what I am trying to say is what information given in this chapter heps develop the plot. Also, and this may just be me, I think that if the newton guy is suppose to be scary then I need to know why as the reader. So maybe some more detail could be given.

  345. Wingson 09 Sep 2009 at 7:56 pm

    Huh…I was hoping that I was – rather, Ian was showing the reader what the world thinks about Pierce Newton.

    No, there is more chapter coming, I just wanted to post the first part and see what you guys think.

    – Wings

  346. Ghoston 09 Sep 2009 at 9:27 pm

    Wings,
    Well in a way you are, but you still need to give the reader an idea about what he looks like. You don’t have to make him sound like some cookie cutter thug, but give the reader some idea of why he his scary. Maybe he’s real tall and has a little muscle to him too. Or maybe he has a permanent scowl that makes him look mad all the time. Also, trying thinking from Ian’s perspective. If some one creeps you out for example, sometimes you tend to exaggerate some of their feature and that ends up make them more creepy. So maybe Peirce is only 6’1 but to Ian who is 5’8 he looks like goliath. Anyway, just a suggestion.

  347. StarEon 09 Sep 2009 at 10:27 pm

    Maybe it’s a good thing I got up the courage to write a review, then, Wings…? 🙂 I browse around a lot and I WANNA say stuff, but I keep worrying that it won’t be helpful to the author because I haven’t had time to read EVERYTHING… But then I think about how I, personally, would really enjoy it if somebody just said, “Hey, that’s cool! I liked such-and-such character the best” or something…

    I actually ended up in your other review forum by accident, so I commented there, too. So far, I think I like Meg’s story the best (between hers and Darkstar’s), but only because Meg’s story seems lighter and more energetic. I only got to read the prologue for Darkstar, though, so maybe I just haven’t gotten to meet the character yet. I love it when dark characters get put into awkward or humerous situations on occasion. 🙂

    Randomly, I agree with Ghost again. Ian has heard scary rumors about the Newton guy, but what about his physical appearance made Ian recognize him so suddenly? Has he SEEN this guy before, or only heard about him? Maybe Ian has seen him intimidate or hurt someone before, so he recognizes the guy and runs?

  348. Wingson 13 Sep 2009 at 9:39 pm

    One word: Rumor. (Word of Wings says that Pierce hasn’t been kicked out of any schools. This is only what Ian’s heard)

    I’ll do my work to make him feel more intimidating. Again, we’re going on what Ian thinks he knows.

    Actually, Darkstar’s story is going to poke fun at the superhero genre, be it red-white-and-blue costumes to what a “good” hero is. It’s also set in a typical superhero universe. On the other hand, Meg’s story began as a Wake Up Go To School Save The World ( http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/WakeUpGoToSchoolSaveTheWorld ) and began evolving into this new form after three distinct points: a flag football game that was treated as if it was a life or death match, the movie Zoom, and P’s contribution of a character.

    – Wings

  349. Holliequon 14 Sep 2009 at 11:15 am

    Pierce hasn’t been kicked out of any schools, but this doesn’t stop him from being intimidating. Probably only by reputation. And besides, he must have heard those rumours, right? (Or his brother’s told him about them.) If he’s not attempting to deny them, he probably has a reason for it. And making himself intimidating to fit in with this image would only help the rumours more!

    Hm. Pierce sounds kinda anti-social when you put it like that.

  350. Wingson 14 Sep 2009 at 12:09 pm

    Pierce likes to be alone. He’s not much of a “people person”. Granted, he has a bit of a Freudian Excuse ( http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FreudianExcuse ). This is also a stumbling point in book 2, where he and Meg work as a team (Let’s just say Meg doesn’t feel all that sorry when a massive lightning bolt strikes him because of his metal manipulation).

    Pierce: Hey, it’s not like people liked me much BEFORE the rumors. Why try to stop them? They’ll just come back anyway.

    Wings: Stop brooding.

    Pierce: *brooding* I’m not.

    Wings: Fine. Keep going. Just don’t stand next to any guys. The yaoi fangirls will eat it up. Or any girls, the Kawaii!fangirls will start then.

    Pierce: *weighs benefits, then takes off running*

    Wings: *shouting after him* Good choice!

    – Wings

  351. Pon 14 Sep 2009 at 4:30 pm

    *Wings pushing Pierce into review forum.*
    Ok, ok… Sheesh.

    I’m here as representative for my creation, Pierce Newton.

    One of the most important reasons for Pierce being intimidating is because he stands a terrifying 6′ 3″, taller than most kids his age and even most adults. However, one cannot say Pierce is extremely masculin, mostly due to his size. He is in fact quite lean. This will change in book 2 as Pierce changes from boy to man.

    Pierce also spends the few times he is mentioned in the book with his sunglasses on, causing intimidation due to the fact that you cannot tell what he is thinking or where he is looking. (You can tell alot about one by their eyes.)

    Pierce is extremely self reserved, thinking that he needs no one and rather thinks to himself things that others would not really think of, things like the possibility of other realms, what their like, or if and how humanity will be wiped out. (Not all of his thoughts are that morbid.) And contrary to popular belief (by the students in the school.) Pierce will not corner you and beat you to death with your own leg if you upset him. He truly has a secret motive for justice in attempt to make it a better place for his parapalegic brother, Darren, to live. (If you have ever read or seen Code Geass, he treats his brother like Lelouche treats his sister Nunnaly, but to a lesser extent.)

    Hope that helped. If you have anyother questions on this topic, just ask.

    ~ P

  352. Ghoston 14 Sep 2009 at 5:13 pm

    P. and Wings,
    OK so now I have a better idea about what you want Pierce to be, but you need to show the read that Pierce. I understand that you can do that later on in the book, but you need to give the reader a first impression of Pierce and if you want that impression to be a intimidating broodish person then that is the way you need to describe him.

  353. Wingson 14 Sep 2009 at 5:17 pm

    Good P. *shoves cookie into his mouth*

    Whee, beating people with their own leg…*writes down in the Wings-approved Punishment For Enemies book*

    A few more facts about the Newton brothers:

    – Darren is taller than Pierce by an inch and a half. However, since he’s stuck in a wheelchair this fact is probably Word of Wings instead of being mentioned explicitly.
    – Darren and Pierce are twins and are/would be nearly identical except for the height difference and Darren’s much lighter build.
    – Other than Darren, Pierce (as P said) keeps to himself. However, he begins to let more of his personality out when he teams up with Meg, alias Sparks, in book 2.
    – Ironically, Darren is often unnoticed (he even jokes about how invisibility should have been his power) by most of the students.
    – Although Pierce started out as one of the toughest characters in the book, Darren was *probably* the weakest until he took something like ten levels in badass when he singlehandedly *spoilers, like anyone cares* learns to levitate and the strength of his powers increases (by a LOT). Now Ian is the weakest, and is sadly suffering from (what was it…) It’s A Good Thing You Can Heal or something like that on TVTropes.

    – Wings

  354. Wingson 16 Sep 2009 at 2:09 pm

    On thing I forgot to mention on accident in the above: not only do Darren’s powers exponentially increase, he uses them to beat Crimson almost singlehandedly (After most of the team has been taken out or is otherwise occupied). Talk about taking a few levels in badass, ay?

    – Wings

  355. Wingson 17 Sep 2009 at 8:56 am

    A few small revamps:

    Book 2 possible title: The Apocalypse Will Not Be Televised (a play on the phrase “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised”)

    Darren’s hero name: (I never was fond of Mindwave) Kinetic (as in telekinetic)

    Connor’s hero name: (See Darren) Aegis (Formerly suggested – it seems like something Connor would pick)

    – Wings

  356. Wingson 19 Sep 2009 at 6:50 pm

    Okay, all….

    Here’s the question: should third-book character (third-book character: a character *supposedly* featured in the third book of the HTSTW series) Pyric be moved into The Apocalypse Will Not Be Televised?

    A Femme Fatale of a telepyric, Pyric is Crimson’s most trusted ally – the only one who is not memory-wiped, created by Remembrance, or hypnotized. Her goal is to separate Meg and Pierce in New York – as two of the strongest Specials, they have the power to topple Crimson’s empire together, but apart Crimson can easily pick them off.

    What do you think?

    – Wings

  357. StarEon 19 Sep 2009 at 8:38 pm

    Hello, Wiiings! You’re wondering if you should use Pyric as a character in Book 2 instead of Book 3? It really just boils down to what the storylines are for the three books… Maybe you could make a list of pro’s and con’s? If you introduce her in the second book, will you still be able to use her for her intended purpose in the third book? So then she’ll play a handy role in both?

    Is there a character already in the second book who could split up Meg and Pierce? Can this job be done by somebody else, or do you think Pyric’s particular powers would add interesting drama and suspense to the scene?

    Who was originally going to split up Meg and Pierce? Or is this a new idea? How does Pyric go about doing this, as opposed to somebody else?

    I’m really not sure what Pyric’s original role was, heh-heh, but if she can really play a solid role in the second book without cluttering up the cast or stealing spotlight from Crimson, I’m sure it wouldn’t be too bad to move her. You would just have to plan for it, and figure out what the “goods and bads” are. I’ve done that extensively when deciding whether to add certain characters or not. 🙂

    For example, I was working on a script once where adding a new character actually solved a lot of clutter issues. When I added Marine, I was able to replace three extranneous characters, and she was a great “partner” for the main character because he was so serious and Marine was more lively. Adding Marine opened up a lot of new options for me, but before I officially put her in, I made a big pro’s and con’s list so I could see what the consequences of adding her would be. It turned out to be a good idea, so I stuck with it, even though it minimized the role of some other characters (for the better, I think).

    I hope this helps a little bit…

  358. Wingson 19 Sep 2009 at 9:17 pm

    Pros:

    – Since Crimson really dies in The Apocalypse Will Not Be Televised (in the first book, he’s Not Really Dead), she would make a good second villain.

    – Before this idea, she served as a third-book love interest for Darren – I prefer her new personality and motive far more than what she had before.

    – I figure if Crimson had one ally who was actually loyal to him the final battle (since both Remembrance and Harbinger have left) would be a lot more climatic that just Crimson versus at least 11 Specials.

    – If anything, she’ll add another character to the Meg and Pierce scene up in New York – after all, they are the only characters of importance in their area.

    Cons:

    – Her character just adds to the large amount of characters in TAWNBT (11 Specials, Crimson, Maya and Julian…)

    – The Pierce fangirls will slay me for creating a character who tries to seduce him…

    No, there’s no character who could fill this role.

    Pyric poses as a True Natural wishing to join the Specials and tries many ways of forcing Pierce and Meg apart, be it trying to get him to fall in love with her or simply causing dissent between Meg and Pierce. Meanwhile, Crimson is more of the sort who would pretty much try to abduct him (It’s very hard to abduct an angry metal manipulator).

    I found Pyric’s motive interesting – as a telepyric, her ability is to start fires with her mind. As a child, she often destroyed things, but, unlike most, instead of fighting the power she embraced it – embraced her existence as a “tool of destruction”. Perhaps she even knows that if she wanted to she could use her powers for good – but she chooses not to.

    Thanks!

    – Wings

  359. Wingson 20 Sep 2009 at 5:23 pm

    Slightly off topic – I’ve decided on my penname. My initials are kinda easy to recognize.

    Therefore, I’m pulling a Moustache De Plume ( http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MoustacheDePlume ) on the universe and writing under the name my parents would have given me had I been born a boy and a spur-of-the-moment last name. Therefore, instead of writing under my initials like I originally planned, the HTSTW series and Darkstar Rising will be published under the pseudonym Xander (Alexander) Wright.

    What? It sounds cooler than my original name. It’ll make cashing checks a pain, though….

    – Wings, who will use her real name for her romances only (What?!? I may be trigger-happy, violent, evil, and slightly insane, but I’m female too! Besides, the world needs a good love story now and then – on the topic, curse you Twilight)

  360. Holliequon 21 Sep 2009 at 10:54 am

    Are you sure you want to publish under a male name? …I dunno, it just seems a strange thing to do nowadays. When female writers did that in the past, I think it was because of general sexism (“Women don’t know enough to write!” or something).

  361. Wingson 21 Sep 2009 at 12:22 pm

    Yeah, but since I’m writing a story targeted at guys (and girls like moi, but we’re a rare species), I’m worried that my being female would cause male readers to put the book down.

    – Wings

  362. Ghoston 21 Sep 2009 at 1:32 pm

    I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you Wings, but that’s just may opinion.

  363. Holliequon 21 Sep 2009 at 2:14 pm

    You could always use a gender neutral name (like Alex Wright or A. Z. Wright).

    ~_~; Meh, ignore me if you like. Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have to disguise our gender to write our particular genre…

  364. StarEon 21 Sep 2009 at 2:23 pm

    Your name was gonna be “Xander” if you were born a boy? Haha, sweet! I don’t think you should have to write novels with a pseudonym though, Miss Wings… After all, your leading character is a female (Meg/Sparks), so people who want to read about her and her teammates probably won’t have a problem with a female author.

    If you really wanna use a penname, I agree with Holly’s idea of making it a gender neutral name. I like the “A. Z. Wright” sort of name, because it eliminates any sort of gender discrimination. You can use your real name, but use your first two initials instead of revealing the actual name. A name like “A. Z. Wright” could still be you without having to be a male/female disguise.

    Even if “Xander” is a cool name. 😀

  365. Holliequon 21 Sep 2009 at 2:28 pm

    Just imagine the sort of looks you’d get if your pseudonym was X. Wright. Haha. ^^;

  366. Wingson 21 Sep 2009 at 2:38 pm

    Hmm…my initials are gender neutral but considering I write for two vastly different genres (Action and Romance, oboy…) I need to find a way to differentiate.

    Mayhap I could change my name for the romance novelist instead (Yes, I write romance. Not that I’m all that proud of it, but…there is nothing wrong with that!).

    @Holliequ

    Whaaaat? *doesn’t get it*

    @StarE

    Yes, I’d rather have been Xander than what I am now (Though my parents would have *probably* made me be unoriginal as Alex*). My name as a girl has prompted one horrible nickname that has stuck with me for two years, forcing me to the brink of Ax Crazy, and it is almost always misspelled (Even P fell into this one).

    @Everyone

    I shall muse on this while finishing chapter 2. Farewell, mortals!

    – Wings

  367. StarEon 21 Sep 2009 at 2:44 pm

    Well, do you have to use a penname for both genres? Surely the separate readerships for you superhero novels and the romance ones wouldn’t equate “A. Z. Wright” and “Alex Wright” as the same person. You could just use your real name for the romance novels, and an initials penname for your hero stories? Or did you not want to use your real name at all because of the horrific mispelling issues?

    Haha, my name is almost always mispelled because it’s nine-letters-long, fancy, and French. 😀 I have absolutely no French in my family history, though. I’m just a regular ol’ Californian with Sweden/Phillipines in my history.

    Good luck with your Chapter 2, Wings! Is it a revision of a scene you’ve already posted, or is it a new scene?

  368. Lighting Manon 21 Sep 2009 at 2:51 pm

    Personally, as a heterosexual male consumer of comic books, graphic novels and action-oriented novels in general, I look for female authors and generally prefer them, it is basically an assurance of quality, as sexist as that might be. Stripperific female superheroes are offensive, I abhor cheesecake in all its forms, but beefcake with certain exceptions is negligible, since men without shirts mean that a man is not wearing a shirt, as opposed to the objectification and subjugation of a gender. The action is more likely to have emotion weight as opposed to being all about the gore, and female writers, in my estimation, tend to spend more time on researching the scientific, anatomical aspects of science fiction, which leads to less annoying errors.

    Gail Simone is one of my favorite comic book authors, and she wrote one of my favorite TV episodes ever (Justice League Unlimited “Double Date”) which is nice.

    Not to imply I focus a lot on the gender of the author before I purchase something, I just have an easier time doing so when I know that the author most likely thinks breast size isn’t a personality trait.

  369. Wingson 21 Sep 2009 at 3:10 pm

    Good for you, Lighting Man *pats head and hands cookie*.

    Actually, my last name is easy to spell, it’s my first name that seems to be bothersome to people. It’s kinda old-fashioned (There is a song out there with my name in it that is sung to me whenever I enter geography class – every single day).

    Still, it’s not exactly a common last name.

    – Wings

  370. Holliequon 23 Sep 2009 at 7:55 am

    My last name is pretty uncommon, too – well, I say uncommon, but I mean it’s not common in the UK. To my knowledge. And always being misspelled, despite not being that complicated at all. o.O

    My first name is awful, though. Or at least I think so. x.x Which is weird, because I tend to love old-fashioned and unpopularnames, haha. (Seriously, my favourite name is Roger. ^_^ Aubrey is another favourite of mine – or Ashley. And if I ever hav a son, the temptation to call him Evelyn would be extreme. Poirot reference yay!)

    Ahem. Sorry for my rambling. D:

  371. Wingson 23 Sep 2009 at 9:09 am

    It’s okay. Ramble all ya like!

    – Wings

  372. S.V.T.on 27 Sep 2009 at 2:54 pm

    My name sounds normal for an American, though I’m anything but.

    Anyway, I agree with you on most parts. As a male, I don’t really care about the gender of the author (I’m even trying Twilight even though my self-diagnosed OCD is the only thing that kept me from dropping the book). Usually, female characters that are weak and helpless (like Bella) bore me to tears.

  373. Wingson 27 Sep 2009 at 9:11 pm

    Speaking of female characters, every one I’ve used has been an Action Girl. I actually am incapable of writing weak females.

    – Wings

  374. Wingson 28 Sep 2009 at 9:40 am

    At long last….

    Here is the complete and revised version of Chapter 2! Enjoy!

    ———

    Chapter Two: Sugar Makes the World Go Round

    “Say, how’s Connor been doing?” Ian asked as he narrowly dodged a foam football tossed his way.

    “He’s doing great. I’m just hoping that one of these days Mom will come to her senses and let him skip a grade already. I mean, he’s started to borrow my textbooks out of boredom.” Meg said as she adjusted her bag gingerly. Ow! Curse this homework…

    Ian winced comically. “Ow. You must have to be pretty desperate to even pick up one of those. I’d bet five bucks they weigh as much as he does.”

    “I’ll take that bet and say they weigh more.” Meg said as they continued. She winced as the shoulder strap dug into her arm. “After all, I’m carrying them –”

    Meg’s bag crashed to the ground, her papers escaping yet again. A tall figure looked down at her, apparently unscathed from their collision. He was wearing a worn leather jacket, and a pair of dark sunglasses obscured his eyes. Although he was only of average build, he towered over nearly all of the other students, an intimidating figure. He made no move to help her up. “Watch where you’re going.”

    Meg snapped. “Watch where I’m going, you self-absorbed, rude ba-rrmph!”

    Ian put an end to Meg’s rant by clamping his hand over her mouth, shooting an anxious smile at the boy in the leather jacket, and dragged his protesting and struggling friend away. Pencils as well as papers started to leak out of the bag she still held with one hand. “Meg, you idiot!” he hissed under his breath.

    “Mmph, mm rrrph!” Meg’s eyes flashed, Ian’s hand still over her mouth.

    After they were a good distance away from the imposing figure, he released his friend.“Meg, are you insane? That’s the Newton guy! You don’t pick fights with that guy, I heard he’s been kicked out of five other schools for bad behavior! He’ll rip your head off!”

    “Not if I rip his head off first.” Meg did her best to calm down and shouldered her bag again. At least it’s a little lighter now…

    “Trust me, you’ll thank me later” Ian said. He saw the enraged look on her face and amended his statement. “Or kill me painfully.”

    “I like option two.” Meg growled as she stuffed scattered papers into her bag yet again.

    “You okay?”

    “Everything’s still working.”

    WHACK.

    “Sorrys!” The redhead carrying one half of the folding table half-shouted at the fallen Ian. The trio of sophomores soon passed by the two friends, the last girl carrying a basket which was emitting a familiar odor.

    Noticing the smell, Meg unceremoniously dropped Ian back onto the ground. “Are those…peanut butter cookies?”

    The blonde with the basket nodded excitedly, her two pigtails bouncing as she did. “They’re for the bake sale fundraiser this afternoon!”

    Meg had almost forgotten Ian as she turned to follow the sophomores. However, after weighing the well-being of Ian and the temptation of cookies, she reluctantly turned back to her friend, who had begun to stir. “Ugh…did you get the license number of that truck…”

    Meg dragged Ian to his feet. “No time for pity, there are cookies at stake here!” She took off in pursuit of the three sophomores.

    At the thought of cookies, Ian perked up instantly, and he started sprinting after her.

    ———–

    “You’d think they’d have bought more cookies for a bake sale.” Meg said around bites of peanut buttery goodness.

    “True that. Principal Stanwood can’t possibly think that two dozen cookies will last long at a high school.” Ian, too, had one of the addicting cookies in hand. He changed the subject, taking one bite out of the cookie. “Visiting Connor this weekend?”

    Meg nodded, tucking the second cookie she’d bought into one of her bookbag’s numerous pockets to give to Connor later. “Yeah, but I can’t stay too long, since we’ve got so much work this weekend. You’d think that the teachers were trying to isolate us. I’ve gotta be back by tonight.”

    The two friends had arrived back at their respective cars. Ian vaulted over the door in an attempt to land on the seat, and ended up striking his head on the steering wheel.

    A word to the wise, Meg thought as she tried to hide the smile threatening to emerge. If you’re attempting to look cool, wear a helmet first. Trust me, it’s a good idea. “See you tomorrow. Try not to kill yourself when I’m gone.”

    “Yeah, just remember there’s an assembly in the morning.”Ian said as he righted himself and started his car.

    Meg groaned. “Dangit…I’m gonna have to cut my visit even shorter…See you around then.”

    The happiness radiating from Ian was blatant as he started his new car, reveling in its apparent perfection.

    That is, he did until three miles later, when he plowed down a tree at the side of the road.

    ——————

    Moral of the chapter: Do not give sixteen year olds shiny new cars. Then again, we probably shouldn’t give them cookies which make them grow wings…

  375. B. Macon 28 Sep 2009 at 6:00 pm

    I don’t think that action girls are a bad thing, but it might be nice to mix up your repertoire. In particular, I don’t think that a female has to be a female Rambo (Ramba? Rambette?) to be a strong character. For example, an unusually clever girl might be an awesome protagonist even though she doesn’t throw a punch. In fact, she might be even more impressive because she doesn’t.

  376. Wingson 28 Sep 2009 at 9:07 pm

    At the moment, there is one character who uses strategy over force to fight her way out of problems: Andra, the only Natural without an offensive ability. As a Seer thought insane, she is insecure and shy unlike the fiery Elle. However, she manages to escape Crimson in a cleverly planned manner…

    – Wings

  377. Wingson 02 Oct 2009 at 9:02 am

    Erm…could someone review the finally completed chapter 2? Please?

    – Wings

  378. Marissaon 02 Oct 2009 at 10:43 am

    Wings, I’ve planned to all week, but college has been killer. Expect it tonight or tomorrow, alright? Everyone’s just super busy right now, nobody’s ignoring you. 😀

  379. Wingson 02 Oct 2009 at 11:06 am

    Okay! Just so long as I haven’t been forgotten it’s okay. I haven’t been too active lately so I wasn’t sure if I would get much input.

    – Wings

  380. Wingson 08 Oct 2009 at 1:39 pm

    Must…start…chapter…three…curse…you…computer…ban…

    Could someone please review chapter2? I have cookies….

    – Wings

  381. B. Macon 08 Oct 2009 at 3:17 pm

    First sentence could probably be more interesting. At the very least, “been doing” is unnecessary.

    “narrowly dodged a foam football tossed his way.” Is “tossed his way” necessary? I can’t think of any other reason you’d dodge a football.

    I feel like the interjections from Meg’s point of view seem very awkward. At the very least, I would recommend setting them in their own paragraphs. But I don’t think that’s the only issue here.

    “Meg’s bag crashed to the ground, her papers escaping yet again.” Is this run-on intentional?

    I feel like the leather jacket and sunglasses are, umm, kind of a corny way to establish that someone is badass and/or mysterious. Could you show us that in some other way? (Maybe his posture, demeanor, what he’s holding, headgear, etc).

    “A tall figure looked down at her, apparently unscathed from their collision.” I’m not sure what “their” refers to here. What has collided with what? If it’s Meg crashing into him, then I’d recommend saying that in its own sentence because this sentence just sort of assumes that the ready already knows that they collided.

    I’m not too familiar with romance. So I’d like to turn to Whovian here. In her article on romance, she says, “Try to be original when you describe how they meet. We’ve seen the Crash Into Hello so many times that it is more fodder for eye-rolling than anything else. Try combining different stereotypical meetings to get something fresh.” I feel that’s going on here.

    “He made no move to help her up.” Negative action.

    “Although he was only of average build, he towered over nearly all of the other students, an intimidating figure.” I think “an intimidating figure” is awkward and redundant with “towered over.” I like towered over, by the way.

    “Ian put an end to Meg’s rant by clamping his hand over her mouth, shooting an anxious smile at the boy in the leather jacket, and dragged his protesting and struggling friend away.” Unparallel syntax is awkward here. “clamping… shooting… dragged.”

    “That’s the Newton guy! You don’t pick fights with that guy, I heard he’s been kicked out of five other schools for bad behavior! He’ll rip your head off!” I’d recommend removing 1-2 of these exclamation marks. Also, I’d recommend replacing “bad behavior” with some lurid detail from the school’s rumor mill. This is a great opportunity to show off your style. Finally, “You don’t pick fights with that guy, I heard…” is a run-on. I’d recommend replacing the comma with either — or .

    “Trust me, you’ll thank me later” Ian said. He saw the enraged look on her face and amended his statement. “Or kill me painfully.” “I like option two.” I think that she needs a better punchline here. Maybe “Don’t tempt me.”?

    “emitting a familiar odor” is a very… unconventional way to describe the aroma of cookies. What effect are you going for?

    I think the blonde’s body language establishes her annoyingly perky character better than the leather jacket guy’s did.

    “They’re for the bake sale fundraiser this afternoon!” could be shortened to “We’re having a bake sale today!” or “[Group X] is having a bake sale today.” I don’t think you have to explicitly say that the cookies are for the bake sale because the logical connection is obvious.

    “did you get the license number of that truck…” Feels kind of corny. It doesn’t really feel realistic here? If he’s been slugged pretty hard, is he going to quip about it? It sort of has a Loony Toons feel to it. Might work with a younger audience…

    Eating scene. Unless the bake-sale is important later, I would recommend axing the cookie tangent.

    “Ian vaulted over the door in an attempt to land on the seat, and ended up striking his head on the steering wheel.” Heh.

    “A word to the wise, Meg thought as she tried to hide the smile threatening to emerge. If you’re attempting to look cool, wear a helmet first. Trust me, it’s a good idea. “See you tomorrow. Try not to kill yourself when I’m gone.” I’m not feeling her POV. I think it’s bland. I think it’d be funnier if she made a jab in dialogue and cut the thoughts. Maybe something like “Smooth move. Need a bandage?”

    “an assembly in the morning” could be “a morning assembly.”

    I feel like the cliffhanger at the end of the chapter could use some work.

    All in all, I think it’s okay for a draft at this stage. Please proceed to chapter three.

  382. Marissaon 08 Oct 2009 at 4:30 pm

    I second the ‘eating scene’ and ‘syntax’ things B. Mac said, as well as the fact that you need to be more original about ‘kicked out of five schools’ (by giving a specific example instead), but I disagree on a few points.

    I feel that the sentence stops abruptly if ‘tossed his way’ is removed. Plus, it shows how the throw differs from ‘chucked at his head’ or ‘flung wildly toward him’. Gives it a casual feel, with ‘tossed’.

    I also think ‘he made no move to help her up’ is just fine, seeing as you want to draw the reader’s attention in that direction, but perhaps you could add it onto another sentence? ‘He made no move to help her up, instead …’ Something like that.

    Ack. I’ve got to be right back, so I’ll finish this in a minute.

  383. Marissaon 08 Oct 2009 at 4:38 pm

    I think the opening feels pretty abrupt. Like, the reader is a little bit jarred by how suddenly it jumps right in. Perhaps that’s just me, though?

    ‘After all, I’m carrying them -” Was there going to be anything after ‘them’ in that sentence? It’s a bit awkward, to act like it cut her off I mean, unless the sentence was unfinished. Otherwise, a period will do.

    Also, I think he should run into her BEFORE the bag hits the ground. I know it does in the story, but the way it’s written, the bag seems to drop for no reason.

    The ‘WHACK’ is rather sudden, and I wasn’t sure what happened.

    Just a few thoughts. 🙂

  384. B. Macon 08 Oct 2009 at 5:22 pm

    “Plus, [the word “tossed”] shows how the throw differs from ‘chucked at his head’ or ‘flung wildly toward him’. Gives it a casual feel…” Hmm, that’s reasonable.

  385. Wingson 08 Oct 2009 at 5:25 pm

    Actually, the “Crash Into Hello” wasn’t designed to be romantic at all – any romantic interaction between Meg and Pierce is second-book events.

    The “truck” line was a random throw-in – I can remove it easily.

    Oh, and I changed the chapter name – it’s now “Boredom And Peanut Butter” since Ian never got his “sugar makes the world go round” line.

    I shall go fix the chapter!

    – Wings

  386. Wingson 08 Oct 2009 at 5:32 pm

    And the cookies are actually where the serum which gave them their powers was. They only find this out later, so I agree that it seems a little awkward here.

    – Wings

  387. ShardReaperon 08 Oct 2009 at 5:40 pm

    With that in mind, are the cookies sort of like the Philosopher’s Stone in FMA where they consume them to get their powers? Or is it one of those “one bite, instant reward” things?

  388. Wingson 08 Oct 2009 at 6:13 pm

    Here is the fixed chapter!

    ————–

    Chapter Two: Boredom And Peanut Butter

    “Say, how’s Connor?” Ian asked as he narrowly dodged a foam football.

    “He’s doing great. I’m just hoping that one of these days Mom will come to her senses and let him skip a grade already. I mean, he’s started to borrow my textbooks out of boredom.” Meg said as she adjusted her bag gingerly. “Curse this homework…”

    Ian winced comically. “Ow. You must have to be pretty desperate to even pick up one of those. I’d bet five bucks they weigh as much as he does.”

    “I’ll take that bet and say they weigh more.” Meg said as they continued. She winced as the shoulder strap dug into her arm. “After all, I’m carrying the–”

    As Meg collided with the other senior her bag crashed to the ground. Her homework made another desperate bid for freedom as she looked up. A tall figure looked down at her, apparently unscathed from his collision with Meg. A pair of dark sunglasses obscured his eyes in an unnerving manner. Even slouching slightly he towered over nearly all of the other students. The onlooking students made a wide detour around him as Meg struggled to get up. “Watch where you’re going.”

    Meg snapped. “Watch where I’m going, you self-absorbed, rude ba-rrmph!”

    Ian put an end to Meg’s rant by clamping his hand over her mouth, shooting an anxious smile at the boy in the leather jacket. He then started dragging his protesting and struggling friend away. Pencils as well as papers started to leak out of the bag she still held with one hand. “Meg, you idiot!” he hissed under his breath.

    “Mmph, mm rrrph!” Meg’s eyes flashed, Ian’s hand still over her mouth.

    After they were a good distance away from the imposing figure, he released his friend.“Meg, are you insane? That’s the Newton guy! You don’t pick fights with that guy – I heard he blew up a cafeteria at his last school with two pencils and a bag of chips. He’ll rip your head off!”

    “Not if I rip his head off first.” Meg did her best to calm down and shouldered her bag again. At least it’s a little lighter now…

    “Trust me, you’ll thank me later” Ian said. He saw the enraged look on her face and amended his statement. “Or kill me painfully.”

    “Don’t tempt me.” Meg growled as she stuffed scattered papers into her bag yet again.

    “You okay?”

    “Everything’s still working.”

    Ian helped his friend up, the last of the papers safely returned. Then the table collided with his head.

    “Sorrys!” The redhead carrying one half of the folding table half-shouted at the fallen Ian. The trio of sophomores soon passed by the two friends, the last girl carrying a basket which a tantalizing scent exuded from.

    Noticing the smell, Meg unceremoniously dropped Ian back onto the ground. “Are those…peanut butter cookies?”

    The blonde with the basket nodded excitedly, her two pigtails bouncing as she did. “They’re for the band class fundraiser this afternoon!!”

    Meg had almost forgotten Ian as she turned to follow the sophomores. However, after weighing the well-being of Ian and the temptation of cookies, she reluctantly turned back to her friend, who had begun to stir, groaning slightly as he did so.

    Meg dragged Ian to his feet. “No time for pity, there are cookies at stake here!” She took off in pursuit of the three sophomores.

    At the thought of cookies, Ian perked up instantly, and he started sprinting after her.

    ————————–

    “You’d think they’d have bought more cookies for a bake sale.” Meg said around bites of peanut buttery goodness.

    “True that. Principal Stanwood can’t possibly think that two dozen cookies will last long at a high school.” Ian, too, had one of the addicting cookies in hand. He changed the subject, taking one bite out of the cookie. “Visiting Connor this weekend?”

    Meg nodded, tucking the second cookie she’d bought into one of her bookbag’s numerous pockets to give to Connor later. “Yeah, but I can’t stay too long, since we’ve got so much work this weekend. You’d think that the teachers were trying to isolate us. I’ve gotta be back by tonight.”

    The two friends had arrived back at their respective cars. Ian vaulted over the door in an attempt to land on the seat, and ended up striking his head on the steering wheel.

    Meg thought as she tried to hide the smile threatening to emerge. “Smooth move. Need a bandage?” She took a few steps back after seeing the look on Ian’s face. “See you tomorrow. Try not to kill yourself when I’m gone.”

    “Yeah, just remember there’s a morning assembly.”Ian said as he righted himself and started his car.

    Meg groaned. “Dangit…I’m gonna have to cut my visit even shorter…See you around then.”

    The happiness radiating from Ian was blatant as he started his new car, reveling in its apparent perfection.

    That is, it did until three miles later, when he plowed down a tree at the side of the road.

    —————————

    I wish I could blow up stuff with two pencils and a bag of chips. I wonder how Pierce does it? 🙂

    – Wings

  389. Wingson 08 Oct 2009 at 6:20 pm

    So long as enough of the chemical in the cookies gets into their systems – in this case, yes, you had to eat the whole cookie – the genetic changes will occur.

    – Wings

  390. ShardReaperon 08 Oct 2009 at 6:40 pm

    He must be the descendant of MacGuyver! I liked the improvements and I think you’ve got something good going here. The ending part was funny.

  391. Wingson 08 Oct 2009 at 7:05 pm

    Thanks! I’m going to work on chapter 3 now – temporary title Eyes Wide Open.

    – Wings

  392. Wingson 09 Oct 2009 at 8:43 am

    I’ve found that I quite like the phrase “desperate bid for freedom” – that is, when it’s used to describe inanimate objects like Meg’s papers or my water bottle. (Let’s just say my water bottle somehow made a desperate bid for freedom while a kid was watching it – now people believe the souls of the people I’ve killed are encased inside it.) 🙂

    – Wings

  393. Wingson 10 Oct 2009 at 12:34 pm

    I have a dilemma…

    The beginning of chapter three has two distinct paths – does Meg wake up late and discover all of her electronics are dead (including her alarm clock, which means she overslept), or does she wake up when she hears Ian (who has just woken up on the roof of the school) screaming?

    – Wings

  394. Lighting Manon 10 Oct 2009 at 1:21 pm

    Couldn’t she do both? If his voice was muffled sufficiently by the building, she could wake up to the screaming, think something is wrong with her alarm clock causing it to make the noise, find it dead, check another object that could regularly makes noise then realize it is actually screaming, and go investigating until she finds Ian? You could have it be a more traditional mechanical alarm clock, perhaps themed to a fictional franchise she adores, which would enhance the believability of her thinking it broke, just a suggestion though.

  395. Wingson 10 Oct 2009 at 1:38 pm

    That sounds good. Since I revised chapter 2 above, I’m free to work on chapter 3 – yay….

    – Wings

  396. B. Macon 10 Oct 2009 at 1:42 pm

    Not sure. I feel like it’s a little bit contrived– (mistaking screaming for an alarm clock malfunction? Really?) I’d recommend instead something like this.

    1. She wakes up late– finds clock dead and starts frantically getting ready.
    2. While she’s getting ready, she hears screaming. (From the roof of the school? If she lives that close to school, why does she take a ride home?)

    I think that puts a bit of distance between the weird events going on– the electronic malfunctions and the screaming. It’ll help us sort it out in our mind, I think.

  397. Wingson 10 Oct 2009 at 8:43 pm

    No, she leave school, visits Connor, drives back to school late that night, and then wakes up. Presuming Meg’s family lives in New York (the state, not the city itself) and the school is somewhere in, say… one of the mountain ranges in New York, she is able to commute between school and home. This clarify anything?

    – Wings

  398. B. Macon 10 Oct 2009 at 9:38 pm

    I think I’m still confused, but this might have more to do with my sleep-deprivation with your story. So please bear with me as I ask some inane questions…

    Why does she drive back to school that night? When she wakes up, is she at the school? Did she somehow sleep-drive to school? What’s the deal with Pierce waking up on the roof? (Inane enough?)

  399. Wingson 11 Oct 2009 at 10:25 am

    She drives back to school that night because of the assembly next morning. Yes, she’s at her dorm room at the school. Nope (I would like to learn to sleep drive though). Ian (not Pierce) wakes up on the roof because after a “dream” of flying (Hint: It wasn’t a dream) he finds himself on the roof with no memory of how he got there or how to get back down.

    This helpful? 😉

    – Wings

  400. B. Macon 11 Oct 2009 at 11:33 am

    Oh, okay. I didn’t realize it was a boarding school. So it makes sense that she would fall asleep at the school, in her dorm.

    Waking up after the “dream” of flying makes sense, but I feel like it’s probably a bit too similar to Heroes’ first season.

  401. Wingson 11 Oct 2009 at 1:12 pm

    Er…*hasn’t seen Heroes*…what exactly happened?

    – Wings

  402. ShardReaperon 11 Oct 2009 at 2:25 pm

    Peter Petrelli had a dream that he was flying. Then at the end of the episode, he jumped off a building and his brother Nathan flew and caught him… and then it’s revealed they both flew.

  403. Wingson 11 Oct 2009 at 4:32 pm

    Oh….

    Should I rewrite the scene?

    – Wings

  404. B. Macon 11 Oct 2009 at 4:43 pm

    If Ian woke up on the building without the dream, I suspect that it wouldn’t evoke Heroes. The “dream” is probably the most distinctive similarity between your scene and the Heroes scene. Alternately, I suppose you could change his power.

  405. Wingson 11 Oct 2009 at 4:57 pm

    Meh, then I’ll just have him wake up. I love his powers too much…

    – Wings

  406. Michael Lezaon 15 Oct 2009 at 1:14 pm

    I think the waking up on the roof after dreaming he was flying isn’t terribly derivative of heroes, though it is pretty commonly used in these kinds of “discovering you have a power” stories (like how werewolves inevitably wake up in a field naked and covered in bits of rabbit fur and blood the first few times they change). Not a terrible thing to have happen in your story, I just wouldn’t dwell on it overmuch because most of your readers are going to have seen it before and be able to tell what’s coming.

    As for the actual writing, I liked it, with the exception of this line:

    That is, it did until three miles later, when he plowed down a tree at the side of the road.

    Plowing down a tree would destroy your car. You could probably plow down a sapling and drive away from it though 😉 (unless he was driving a bulldozer)

  407. Wingson 01 Nov 2009 at 3:20 pm

    Okay…For the rest of NaNo, don’t expect any chapter updates on SN. In December, I’ll submit the lot of them to this site.

    I’m so excited! I’m so terrified! I’m so excitedly terrified!

    – Wings

  408. Roon 01 Nov 2009 at 6:12 pm

    Wings, I really like your concepts. Do you work on all of them at the same time? How do you balance all of your ideas?

  409. Wingson 01 Nov 2009 at 6:58 pm

    Actually, I’ve got two stories currently going (Used to be more, before I scrapped two old cliche-ridden manuscripts and gave a really vague one up for adoption): How To Save The World, about four teenagers who gain superpowers from a genetics experiment and have to face off against an evil principal and their hypnotized classmates (My NaNo project), and Darkstar Rising (see my second review forum), about a mercenary who works for both heroes and villains and his friendship with a straight-laced superheroine.

    However, I’ve come up with three non-superhero related concepts – Hunter’s Abomination, The Light Of Destruction, and Interval – and have pretty much mentally written another novel, Between Light And Darkness.

    I tend to think of my writing projects as belonging to two different writers – a humor/adventure writer (The HTSTW series, Hunter’s Abomination, The Light Of Destruction and Darkstar) and a romance writer (Interval and Between Light and Darkness). The romance writer projects are normally shunted aside since..well, since it’s a lot more fun writing HTSTW.

    Basically, go with what you feel like. Or, you can just go find a work ethic, but I’m too lazy to do that. 🙂

    – Wings

  410. Wingson 23 Nov 2009 at 1:40 pm

    http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheSpecials

    Should I be worried about this?

    – Wings

  411. B. Macon 23 Nov 2009 at 4:05 pm

    I’ve never heard of The Specials. I consider myself reasonably knowledgeable about pre-2001 superhero movies, so I’d venture to guess that few of the 20-50 year olds that evaluate your submission will have heard of it, either. Even if they have, there aren’t any pieces of your story that feel like they’ve been ripped off from The Specials, at least as far as I can tell from the TV Tropes entry.

    In contrast, Spiderman readily comes to mind when I think of nerdy teens turned into superheroes, and Superman with aliens that are born perfectly human-looking, etc. (These heroes are hardly the only ones to have these traits, but probably the most visible).

  412. Wingson 23 Nov 2009 at 9:16 pm

    Oh, good. I could part with the name, but it’s been a staple since that dodgeball game where I first thought of the idea…

    – Wings

  413. B. Macon 23 Nov 2009 at 10:20 pm

    Well, I’d recommend using the word “Special” in a different way than “The Specials” or “The Special. ” Both are probably off the table, for legal reasons. (Even if the editor hadn’t heard of the movie, you might get a call from the studio’s lawyers). However, if you use the word special in some other context, I think you’d be fine. For example, an alternate name for Superhero Nation could be Special Investigations, the name of the police agency the protagonists work for. What about your characters is supposed to be special?

  414. Wingson 23 Nov 2009 at 10:42 pm

    Hmmm…I honestly don’t know. Meg chose the name (It was her idea to pick hero names and a team name, though everyone else thought it unnecessary) one the grounds that “Everything cool sounding was taken”.

    Off topic: A few details (Even though I had to quit NaNo, the novel got seven or eight new chapters and the changes below) were changed:

    I have been thinking about cutting some characters from HTSTW. Remembrance, Stonehead, and possibly Unnamed Male Hero are going to the Null Void.

    Some powers are getting changed up as well – Crimson, since his original powers (hypnosis and possession) were too similar, I took out possession and gave him the ability to vaguely sense those with super abilities. This way, his backstory is that he, a genius fresh out of college, was making a proposal to a group of scientists about a device to find and locate those with Natural abilities (Like Cerebro in X-Men) by amplifying his own powers – and since his abilities aren’t exactly easy to prove, they not only rejected him but called him a fraud – and there the cycle begins. Heather’s losing her Gifting power as well – now she can only cause pain.

    The Titan’s Diamond –

    Not only can it take away powers by pressing the black side to someone’s flesh (Or metal, or wings, or anything similar that is physically a part of the powered person) it also withdraws all memories of using the powers.

    Naturals –

    The name “Naturals” was chosen since the first humans did have super abilities – however, when the first “mutants” (Regular old humans) started appearing and growing more intelligent, they started working to wipe out those with abilities. Some abilities, of course, were not very visible – super strength, agility, reflexes, luck…These were easy to pass by, so the mutations continued to be passed on. However, the seven altered humans (The original team, along with Drew/Frostbite of TAWNBT) caused a slight jump in the “mutant” population and sort of revealed the Naturals to the world.

    Power control –

    The more someone tries to smother their power the harder to control it becomes – however, those unaware of their power who use it unconsciously (ex: luck manipulators, super agility users…) suffer no such effects.

    Muggle Reaction –

    Hinted at throughout TAWNBT and a major factor in the Third Book. The question is: How do the normal people – muggles – cope with the new heroes? Skeptics though the new heroes were a hoax, a lot of powerless imitators came out of the woodwork and usually died, and law enforcement didn’t know what to think about Sparks and Titan (Nightshade and Gabriel were not as prominent since they were pursuing their own lifestyles at the moment). “Mutant” powers suddenly became openly known and explored – an Olympic gymnast is thought to have heightened agility, a car racer is said to be able to communicate with machines, etcetera…Of course, the tried-and-true Fantastic Racism is always present and is constantly lampshaded by Meg (“Mutants? Who do they think we are, the freaking X-Men?”).

    Career Choices –

    Since I have always known what I wanted to be when I grew up (No prizes for guessing what) I never actually thought about other jobs. I mean, Jazz is the guitarist for a band and Darren is at an art university, but Meg, Titan, and Ian have no known jobs (Although I’d LOVE to send Ian to medical school. He’d be the best doctor in the universe!).

    One last thing: all of the peanut butter cookies had the chemical in them (In the original draft only the six that the group ate had it), but only the ones with a significant amount caused the eater to change.

    – Wings

  415. B. Macon 23 Nov 2009 at 10:52 pm

    I’m glad to hear that you got 7-8 chapters out of NaNo. That’s a hell of a lot more writing than I’ve done in the past month, and I considered this past month extremely productive for me. (I’ve finished ~34 pages of a comic book script totaling 5300 words, which would total ~20 novel pages).

  416. Wingson 26 Nov 2009 at 9:45 pm

    Yeah…All I have to do now is force P the Living Spellchecker to proofread them and then get them posted. Wheee!

    – Wings

  417. Wingson 18 Dec 2009 at 9:39 pm

    Winter break finally happened, so I’m back in business! *throws imaginary confetti*

    I have yet another new story idea which is being fine-tuned before it makes its debut, a chapter of Darkstar Rising coming soon, and a whole lot of post NaNoWriMo chapters for HTSTW. I also have cookies. No, they aren’t poisoned. Why don’t you believe me?

    Slowly but surely I am forcing P to use his powers for good and write a novel. He has the talent, the time, and a pretty good idea, he just doesn’t want to. Infuriating!

    Now, to go do something productive. Kinda.

    – Wings

  418. Wingson 15 Jan 2010 at 7:33 pm

    Behold, the first new chapter of HTSTW since before NaNo. Believe me, there’s a lot more where this came from.

    ————–

    Chapter 3: Royally Screwed

    The faint sound of screaming was rampant in Meg’s head as she lazily opened on eye, relishing the morning’s silence. Screaming voices in my head, huh? Great. I really gotta stop getting to bed so late…

    She sat up, woozily shaking her head as she glanced at the screen of the digital clock by her bed.

    It was all she could do to keep from screaming as the small electronic device’s screen had faded to a ghostly row of eights. The clock had apparently stopped working sometime during the night.

    Which meant that the alarm hadn’t gone off to wake her up.

    Which meant that she had no idea what time it was.

    Which meant she might have slept through the assembly.

    Which meant Meg was royally screwed.

    Shaking her unkempt hair out of her eyes, she bolted out of bed, knocking over her bedside table in the mad rush to her closet. As she did so she nearly tripped over the digital clock’s cord, shedding her pajamas as she ran. Pulling on the first thing she saw, Meg ran out the door, a different shoe on each foot and her brown hair pulled into a feeble attempt at a high ponytail. Crap. Crap…

    This just can’t get any worse.

    “AAAGH!” The screaming voice from her dreams was proving itself to be a firm member of reality.

    I knew I shouldn’t have thought that.

    Outside, she looked around for the source of the frantic screaming.

    And found Ian.

    Clinging like mad to the shingles on the dorm roof, his t-shirt ripped in several places.

    “What the hell…?”

    “MEG!” Ian had finally noticed her presence.

    “What are you doing?!?”

    Ian’s teeth were clenched as he madly clung to the roof. “Get me down!”

    “How the frick did you get up there?” Meg shouted as she looked up at the roof of the two story dorm, where Ian, somehow, had managed to perch himself

    “Never mind that now! Just GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!”

    Meg started looking for a way up to the roof – a fire escape, a ridiculously tall tree… Finding nothing, she took off toward the janitor’s shed.

    “Oh, come on!” Ian shouted to his fleeing friend. “Is this because I took the last slice of pizza at lunch last week? If that’s it, then I apologize! Really!”

    When a few minutes passed by and no Meg reappeared, Ian took the opportunity to look down from his precarious position.

    He regretted it as soon as he did so.

    Meg came running back, lugging a ladder which was unfolding slightly with every stride. She pulled it upright, disregarding the handily printed instructions on the first rung as she leaned it against the building in a manner which looked right to her. The top of the ladder crashed against the bottom row of shingles, breaking part of one off and sending it toward the ground.

    Meg made a mental note to deny everything if the broken shingle ever came up in conversation after that.

    As he started to scale the ladder, she called out to the clearly terrified Ian. “Ladder over here!”

    Ian’s eyes were squeezed shut – in Meg’s opinion, an idiotic maneuver given that he was on the roof of a two story building – as he inched his way over to Meg and the ladder. He refused to open them again until his bare feet were firmly planted on the ground.

    “Okay.” Meg said as she pried Ian’s fingers away from the ladder rungs. “What were you doing on the roof of a girl’s dorm? That’s a level of absolute insanity even you haven’t attained yet.”

    “Would you believe me if I told you I had no idea how I got there?” Ian said as he dusted himself off, noticing the massive tears on the back of his shirt.

    “Probably not.” Meg said as she tried to make the ladder collapse back to its usual size. It did so, with an enormous crash as it slid back together. She winced at the sound.

    “I’m telling you, I don’t know how I got up there!”

    “The chances of you magically teleporting to my roof are about the same as Heather deciding to go out with you at this point.”

    “So the chances are high!”

    “You officially need therapy if you think that.”

    The bickering died down as they passed on of the school clocks, which were proudly announcing that it was now a quarter past eleven.

    Crap.

    ————

    …It was worth a try. I technically have seven more chapters besides this, but since I’m rewriting a scene or two I may add another one.

    And next chapter we get…Darren! Hooray for a new character at last!

    – Wings

  419. Holliequon 16 Jan 2010 at 12:12 pm

    “The faint sound of screaming was rampant in Meg’s head as she lazily opened on eye, relishing the morning’s silence.”
    I’m not sure “rampant” strikes the right tone here. It strikes me as odd. What do you think of “echoed” as a replacement?

    “Screaming voices in my head, huh? Great. I really gotta stop getting to bed so late…”
    I think you could make this a bit more humorous. Something like “Screaming? Great, I knew I shouldn’t have watched [invented campy B-horror movie title] last night!”

    “It was all she could do to keep from screaming as the small electronic device’s screen had faded to a ghostly row of eights.”
    I think this could be a bit more stylish as something like “Meg was greeted by a ghostly row of eights. Forget [horror move], this was her worst nightmare.”

    “Shaking her unkempt hair out of her eyes…”
    I think ‘unkempt’ brings the wrong image to mind. I’d recommend replacing this with something more mundane, like ‘unbrushed’ or ‘ruffled’.

    “As she did so she nearly tripped over the digital clock’s cord, shedding her pajamas as she ran.”
    These two clauses aren’t really connected, in my opinion. What do you think of making them seperate sentences and inserting something in between? I like the imagery of ‘shedding her pajamas’, though. 😀

    “Crap. Crap… [break] This just can’t get any worse.”
    I don’t think the break here is neccesary.

    ““AAAGH!” The screaming voice from her dreams was proving itself to be a firm member of reality.”
    Instead of “aaagh” (which you could get across by mentioning the screaming), how about replacing this with something like: “A ladder! Someone get me a ladder!” You could also bring in Meg recognising Ian in trouble, here. It might make more sense than her realising it later (doesn’t the voice sound familiar?)

    “Outside, she looked around for the source of the frantic screaming. [break] And found Ian. [break] Clinging like mad to the shingles on the dorm roof, his t-shirt ripped in several places.”
    I don’t think the breaks are neccesary here. I would also recommend merging the last two sentences.

    ““MEG!” Ian had finally noticed her presence.”
    It’s kind of obvious Ian has noticed her here. What do you think of replacing this with something else? Maybe an obvservation relating to how royally screwed they both are. (She was really preoccupied with being late for school before).

    “Ian’s teeth were clenched as he madly clung to the roof. “Get me down!””
    How about a more quirky response? (If it was me in this situation, I would say “I’m riding a bicycle. What does it look like I’m doing?!” Sorry, running joke in the family…)

    “Meg started looking for a way up to the roof – a fire escape, a ridiculously tall tree… Finding nothing, she took off toward the janitor’s shed.”
    Mega seems a bit accepting of the fact Ian’s found his way up there without any visible means of doing so. Granted, she has woken up, but I think she would give a bit of thought to this.

    We’re kinda removed from Meg’s POV whilst she goes to get the ladder. Instead of staying with Ian, I think we should stick with Meg. We don’t get a lot of introspection from her in this chapter (it’s fast-paced, granted), so I think it would really to help for her to have a bit of time to reflect whilst searching for the ladder. The inclusion of Ian’s POV is kind of jarring, too.

    “Meg made a mental note to deny everything if the broken shingle ever came up in conversation after that.”
    I don’t think ‘after that’ is necessary. It’s a funny little inclusion, though. ^^;

    “As he started to scale the ladder, she called out to the clearly terrified Ian. “Ladder over here!””
    I don’t quite understand what’s happening here. If he’s climbing down the ladder, surely he knows where it is already, doesn’t he?

    “Ian’s eyes were squeezed shut – in Meg’s opinion, an idiotic maneuver given that he was on the roof of a two story building – as he inched his way over to Meg and the ladder. He refused to open them again until his bare feet were firmly planted on the ground.”
    Does Meg tell him to open them? O_o; She just seems a little unconcerned, given everything.

    “Ian said as he dusted himself off, noticing the massive tears on the back of his shirt.”
    Is Ian noticing these or is Meg? Because it sounds like it’s Ian’s POV. See my earlier comments. I think we should stick with Meg.

    “The bickering died down as they passed on of the school clocks…”
    Typo: one

    The ending to this chapter seems kinda… meh. Nothing’s really been resolved here. Assuming you don’t do it in a later chapter, what do you think of some more discussion/theorising on Ian-on-the-roof here, at least in Meg’s inner thoughts. Isn’t it a bit of a coincidence this happens on the exact same day her alarm clock fails?

    Should the lack of any other students at this point worry them? (I’m not sure what sort of timetable you’re operating on…)

    I’m definitely interested, I just think you could just hint more to something bigger going on at the end of this chapter. =/ (I understand that it was NaNo, though. Rushing and all that.)

  420. Wingson 16 Jan 2010 at 1:34 pm

    To be fair, this is about eleven in the morning. It may be a Saturday, but since they were all told about a mandatory assembly for all students…

    B-movie title…I’ll think of something suitably ridiculous. How about something like “Attack Of The Fifty Foot Prom Queen”?

    As for Meg…Okay, to the Concern-Mobile!

    I have come to the conclusion that whenever I need to move the plot forward, I torture Ian. I mean, he fell when Heather was introduced, was hit in the head when the bake sale girls passed by, and is now stuck on a roof. I must now make a poster: “When all else fails, hit Ian with something. It always works”.

    – Wings

  421. Susan Boneson 16 Jan 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Wow. That was a lot to read (your whole reveiw forum).

    Agreeing with Hollique, I think that the pharse “As she did so she nearly tripped over the digital clock’s cord” was awkward and interupted the sorta flow~ that the rest of the paragraph has.

    In your earlier writing, it seemed that they were going to a public school, instead of a private…

    I like the phrase, “the school clocks, which were proudly announcing that it was now a quarter past eleven.”

    It seems to me odd that just Meg’s clock went all funky. Personally, I think that there should be a little more mess and proof that something went all weird last night, or maybe Meg was hurring too much that she didn’t notice.

    It was also a bit uncommon that she didn’t have a room mate… but no biggie.

    Awesome! Post s’more soon.

  422. Wingson 16 Jan 2010 at 2:59 pm

    You read the whole forum?!?

    Woooow. I admire your dedication. Even Ihaven’t read the whole thing in ages, and I cringe at the memories of what a fangirl I used to be.

    Roommate probably went off to the assembly, thinking that Meg would wake up on her own eventually…Or something. I’ll think about it.

    – Wings

  423. Susan Boneson 16 Jan 2010 at 8:14 pm

    Well, I skimmed it… I have no life and no books from the library to keep me company…

  424. Wingson 17 Jan 2010 at 12:23 pm

    You wouldn’t happen to be me, would you? 🙂 I have no life and have already finished my weekly pile of library books. And yes, by pile I mean ten-fifteen books. I have a lot of time on my hands.

    – Wings

  425. Susan Boneson 17 Jan 2010 at 9:48 pm

    Same here! People think its weird when I come home witha pile of 10 plus books….
    I call it badass!

  426. Wingson 18 Jan 2010 at 12:41 pm

    It IS badass. Let’s see how many two pound hardcover books those people can carry at once with one hand. We readers are made of win. Solid gold win.

    – Wings

  427. Susan Boneson 18 Jan 2010 at 4:45 pm

    Hmmm. Know any good Superhero novels? I’ve read Legacy, Dull Boy and the Quantum Prophecy series. There are not many books in the Superhero genre…

  428. B. Macon 18 Jan 2010 at 6:22 pm

    Well, it really depends on your taste, but here are the independent superhero novels I’ve heard of.

    Wild Cards is probably the best set of independent superhero novels on the market. If you liked Heroes, I would really recommend at least the first book in the series.

    The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay is a World War II period piece about a team of comic book creators. I loved the first half of it but put it down after the gay rape scene.

    Soon I Will Be Invincible is superhero action with some comedy. Some people really like it.

    Devil’s Cape is “superheroes with a Southern Gothic edge.” I haven’t read it.

    Playing for Keeps. I haven’t read this one, either. It sounds a bit gritty and paranoid.

    Those Who Walk in Darkness. If you liked Marvel’s Civil War, you might like this dystopian cop story. The main character is really hard to like, though.

    Hero. Hero = gay coming-out story + superheroes.

    Superfolks. This is a comedy about superheroes in a midlife crisis.

    Superpowers: A Novel. I haven’t read this, but the reviews made it sound like a mediocre college comedy with possibly the most awkward September 11 reference in the history of superhero stories.

  429. Wingson 18 Jan 2010 at 7:44 pm

    I’ve read Hero (found it while combing the library on a boring day) and felt very “meh” about it (I am growing very angry with hotheaded pyros. Very. Very. Angry), but I’ll go snag a few of the other ones. And now, I shall do something with my life and…er…I’ll get back to you on what that worthwhile thing is.

    – Wings

  430. Wingson 01 Feb 2010 at 10:12 am

    Chapter Four: I’m Paralyzed, Not Rabid

    The pair of friends made their way back to Ian’s dorm on the other side of the campus, all the while arguing over whether Heather would ever go out with Ian.

    “I’m telling you, it could happen!” Ian said, stepping on a woodchip as he did so. “Ow!” He hopped on one foot as he pulled a splinter out of his skin.

    “And I’m telling you that that snowball in hell has a greater chance of surviving than you do of getting that – that stuck-up, self-centered selfish b-”

    “You can stop now, I get your point!” Ian said angrily, cutting her off.

    “God, Ian…” Meg sighed. “Look, all I’m saying is, you deserve better than her. She’s not good enough for you.”

    An empty soda can flew though the air. It collided with a thunk against Ian’s head. “Ow! What the-”

    Meg and Ian turned to the direction the can had been thrown from – the student library. It looked pretty much same as always – empty, rather musty looking, and underused.

    What was not the same as always was the presence of a person in a wheelchair who appeared to have been jammed diagonally into the door frame. He appeared to be attempting to rock the chair out of the door. “Er…some assistance would be nice…”

    Meg and Ian approached the wedged boy. Upon closer inspection, he had blond hair and appeared to be about Meg’s age. He was surprisingly tall, and dressed in a slightly formal manner.

    And at the moment he was very, very stuck. Meg studied him curiously. Meg and Ian grabbed one of the armrests and, due to a remarkable combination of two people pulling and sheer luck, the wheelchair and its occupant were freed from the doorway.

    “Thanks. For a while I was certain that I’d be stuck her until someone came to the library…and that doesn’t happen all that often.” He smiled. His eyes were startlingly gray, and upon closer inspection he looked vaguely familiar. “I’m Darren, by the way. Darren Newton.”

    Both Meg and Ian froze as Darren’s words and his similarities to one of Meg’s classmates merged.

    It was now Darren’s turn to look curiously at them. “What, did I say something wrong?”

    It was Ian who spoke first. “Darren Newton as in related to the Newton guy Darren Newton, or Darren Newton who just suffers from the same last name as the Newton guy Darren Newton?”

    Darren blinked. “The Newton guy…You mean my older brother?” He looked surprised as Meg and Ian both took several steps back. “Come on, I’m paralyzed, not rabid!”

    Meg hesitated, then decided to change the subject. “So you’re his brother?”

    Darren nodded. “Yeah…He’s my twin brother.”

    “So you won’t kill us if we walk near you?” Ian said hastily, just before Meg stomped on his foot in a vain attempt to shut him up.

    “Why would I do that?” Darren looked perplexed as he answered. “Do I look like the sort of person to murder innocent passerby? Don’t answer that.” he added, as Ian opened his mouth to respond.

    “Ignore anything Ian says. It makes life a lot easier.” Meg smiled. “Trust me, I know.”

    Darren laughed.

    ————

    “So…any particular reason you’re walking around like that?” Darren asked, gesturing at Ian’s ripped tee shirt and shorts.

    “Let’s just say I woke up somewhere…unexpected.” Ian said, as he made a mental note to never walk around in his sleepwear in public again. “By the way, you didn’t have to throw that can at me to get my attention. A “Help” would have worked perfectly well.”

    Darren ceased wheeling himself. “Wait, what? I didn’t throw anything. Besides, how could I have reached anything from the doorway?”

    “Well, the can sure felt like it was thrown when it hit me in the head!” Ian said a little angrily, rubbing the sore spot beneath his sandy hair.

    “Calm down, Ian…” Meg said, grabbing his shoulder. She expected her friend to calm down, after all, it was highly unlikely that Darren had been able to throw the can from his position.

    She did not expect Ian to leap away like her hand was on fire with a shout. “Ow! Cut that out, Meg!”

    “What did I do?!?” Meg said, incensing.”All I did was touch your shoulder!”

    “Yeah, touch my shoulder with a freaking mini-Taser! What did you do? Walk through a carpet emporium, or eat batteries for breakfast?”

    “I don’t know what you’re talking about! I didn’t do anything!”

    The verbal battle was about to turn physical as Darren frantically tried to stop Meg and Ian from ripping each other’s heads off. In the end, Ian’s head remained attached to his shoulders due to the intervention of Meg’s cellphone.

    Meg put her phone to her ear. “Hello? Connor? Aren’t you in school?” She paused, listening. “Look, if those kids did anything I swear I’ll – what? What’s weird? A soccer game? And the ball-” Ian and Darren looked over at Meg, whose eyes grew slightly wider with each word. “You mean it rebounded off of thin air?”

    A few seconds later, Meg shut the cellphone. “Connor needs my help. Something weird’s going on…and he and I need to get to the bottom of it.”

    “What’s wrong? I mean, it can’t be that bad…right?” Ian said, then he saw the expression on Meg’s face. “Can it?”

    Meg had turned several shades paler. “It always can.”

    ——-

    Okay, the ending is pure fail, but at long last we finally have Darren…And I hit Ian with something again. Poor guy.

    – Wings

  431. B. Macon 01 Feb 2010 at 11:29 am

    –I like the chapter title.

    –So the guy in the wheelchair pegs Ian in the head with an empty soda can? That’d be pretty impressive aim. Even in a superhero story. He’d have to be Batman. UPDATE: Ah, it makes sense that it wasn’t actually him that threw the can.

    –“and dressed in a slightly formal manner.” Could you show this? Give us an item or two of clothing that are slightly formal. Like a sweater-vest. Or a shirt buttoned up all the way.

    ““Darren Newton as in related to the Newton guy Darren Newton, or Darren Newton who just suffers from the same last name as the Newton guy Darren Newton?” Who are you referring to? I’d recommend making it clearer here. Right now, it sounds like “the Newton guy” you’re referring to is Isaac Newton.

    Darren blinked. “The Newton guy…You mean my older brother?” He looked surprised as Meg and Ian both took several steps back. “Come on, I’m paralyzed, not rabid!”

    If they’re twins, it seems unusual that he’d introduce his brother as “my older brother.” I’m not a twin, so I don’t know this for sure, but it seems that being a few minutes older

    Meg hesitated, then decided to change the subject. “So you’re his brother?” — I feel this is redundant based on what he just said. If you’re trying to introduce that they’re twins, she might mention that they bear a very strong family resemblance.

    Who’s Darren’s brother and why are they all treating him like a serial killer? Are we just talking about someone who’s chronically ill-tempered or is he actually prone to murdering innocent passersby?

    I’d recommend making this conversation more urgent. Does anyone have a goal?


    Yeah, I’d recommend giving the ending some more style. The content is pretty good– strange stuff starting to happen around town is a pretty good cliffhanger, but she just needs a better line or two.

  432. Wingson 01 Feb 2010 at 12:12 pm

    Darren’s brother is the guy from chapter two. Here is his scene:

    ———

    As Meg collided with the other senior her bag crashed to the ground. Her homework made another desperate bid for freedom as she looked up. A tall figure looked down at her, apparently unscathed from his collision with Meg. A pair of dark sunglasses obscured his eyes in an unnerving manner. Even slouching slightly he towered over nearly all of the other students. The onlooking students made a wide detour around him as Meg struggled to get up. “Watch where you’re going.”

    Meg snapped. “Watch where I’m going, you self-absorbed, rude ba-rrmph!”

    Ian put an end to Meg’s rant by clamping his hand over her mouth, shooting an anxious smile at the boy in the leather jacket. He then started dragging his protesting and struggling friend away. Pencils as well as papers started to leak out of the bag she still held with one hand. “Meg, you idiot!” he hissed under his breath.

    “Mmph, mm rrrph!” Meg’s eyes flashed, Ian’s hand still over her mouth.

    After they were a good distance away from the imposing figure, he released his friend.“Meg, are you insane? That’s the Newton guy! You don’t pick fights with that guy – I heard he blew up a cafeteria at his last school with two pencils and a bag of chips. He’ll rip your head off!”

    “Not if I rip his head off first.”

    ———

    Makes sense that you wouldn’t remember it though, since it’s been ages since I posted new chapters. But yeah, the Newton guy is character Pierce Newton, alias Titan the metal manipulator.

    And Darren’s a telekinetic, so it technically wasn’t him who threw the can…Hooray for mental powers…

    – Wings

  433. B. Macon 01 Feb 2010 at 12:22 pm

    Ah, okay. Thanks for reminding me. My memory is notoriously bad.

  434. Wingson 01 Feb 2010 at 1:08 pm

    It’s okay. I’ve been known to arrive home after going out to dinner and then promptly go to the kitchen to cook dinner. Yes, I forgot that I’d already eaten in less than 15 minutes.

    – Wings

  435. Susan Boneson 01 Feb 2010 at 7:01 pm

    I can put som ein put on the twin-thing.
    1) They do not refer to themselves as older or younger brother
    2) I refer to mine as my ‘partner in crime’ or ‘womb-mate’ but maybe that’s just me being weird…
    3) THANK GOD you didn’t make them have complementary powers like fire and water or strength and speed or something like that. It is extremely tacky and cliched!
    4) I like the separation between Pierce and Darren.
    5) Remember that twins are their own person, we only affiliate ourselves with each other as we would with any other sibling.
    Any more questions about twins and I will be happy to answer!

  436. Wingson 01 Feb 2010 at 8:10 pm

    I also hate complementary powers on anyone, and I would have died inside if I had to make Pierce and Darren in such a manner (Note to self: lampshade this in Darken’s story). In case you don’t know, they’re a magnetokinetic and a telekinetic respectably. Closest we’ve got are eventual couple Meg and Pierce, their powers being electricity and metal. There’s another pair of siblings in the sequel, a seer and a mind controller, but…Whoa. This turned into a tangent.

    If Darren said “partner in crime”, I think that would scare Ian more, considering that Ian is under the impression that Pierce is a terrorist who blows up cafeterias with pencils and snack food and apparently rips heads off in his spare time…

    Whee! Reviews! Thank you!

    – Wings

  437. Susan Boneson 02 Feb 2010 at 6:33 am

    Haha! Yeah, go with brother or sibling. Try not to use twin because that just sounds corny, like you’re screaming to the world: YES I AM A TWIN! AND NOW, SINCE YOU KNOW THAT YOU WILL GET ME AND MY TWIN CONFUSED EVEN IF WE LOOK NOTHING ALIKE! (Phew! If Peirce & Darren identical replace look nothing alike with act nothing alike…)

    Interesting notion to have a Meg/Pierce realationship. Their celebrity couple name will be: Pieg or maybe Meirce. My only question would be why Meg and Peirce? How does the potential realationship fit into the plot?

  438. Wingson 03 Feb 2010 at 11:54 am

    I refer to the pairing of Meg and Pierce as Meirce myself. In the original draft of the story (That is, the first one in which Titan was added, he’s a fairly new character compared to those like Jazz and Ian) the Meg/Pierce dynamic was much more blatant, but at the time it felt a little forced and I dropped it from the book. Later, while brainstorming for the sequel and all in all letting the story write itself for a while (Self-writing: When you start with a basic idea and just let it grow by asking questions. The entirety of Darken’s story was written using this device) and they started drifting closer….and closer…and I just went with it. I dropped the idea on them and P by bringing in Meg and Pierce’s future child (All three of them panicked. It was quite entertaining, actually.) and the idea just became part of the book world.

    I always had a bit of a penchant for love-hate relationships, and the idea of meg and Pierce together just grew on me. Both of then are fun to write, and their interactions together have always been entertaining.

    In the first book, there is little to no evidence of a relationship between them, the romantic interaction will almost entirely occur from the second book onward.

    – Wings

  439. Pon 03 Feb 2010 at 2:46 pm

    It’s true. I panicked for days and Pierce solidified himself in a large steel box. I could hear a harmonica (The saddest instrument ever) echoing from inside… But as usual a Slurpee and nachos can cure just about any emotional damage.

  440. Holliequon 03 Feb 2010 at 4:00 pm

    I think I’d prefer “Peg” for Pierce/Meg, myself. 😀

    Just to note, Wings, I read this chapter but didn’t have anything to add to what B. Mac said. I’m enjoying this, though, and looking forward to what happens next!

  441. Wingson 03 Feb 2010 at 8:00 pm

    Well, it’s up to the fangirls to name the pairings…although I may infiltrate their group and give them a push in the right direction.

    P: “But as usual a Slurpee and nachos can cure just about any emotional damage.”

    I feel sorry for your characters, living in that dystopia you created for them…

    “Everyone I cared about is dead, and the world is in ruins.”

    “Here, have some chips with synthetic cheese on them! They make everything better!”

    …As usual, I’m not one to talk. But whatever.

    – Wings

  442. Wingson 08 Apr 2010 at 8:54 pm

    Ahem…

    I’ve been absent for a long time, but you will be pleased to know I have been doing much pondering on my works, and decided to change a few things.

    The largest one is easily the setting change in the HTSTW series. Instead of being set in a pseudo-reality, the novels have been moved to a world which is experiencing the dawn of superheroes. This change smoothed out a few of the Fridge Logic moments (Where Julian lives, how Elle effectively kidnapped her sister from the mental ward without arousing at least a little suspicion, and several other things which greatly bothered me…And the whole concept of the Titan’s Diamond. It was originally an alien artifact, then it became, and I quote “a conglomerate of Natural energy dating back to the dawn of man”, to…something. I honestly don’t know) and made the series a sort of Spiritual Ancestor to Darken’s saga (Oh, how I’d love to throw a cameo or two in there…).

    Therefore, there will be yet another revamp to the chapters.

    All changes pertaining to Darkstar Rising (Which really, really, really needs a new title) and Twisted Fantasy (Which also is in need of a better title…although P’s suggestion “A Glitch In the System” was pretty good. Thank you, P.)

    – Wings

  443. Wingson 18 Jun 2010 at 10:03 am

    HTSTW has undergone some changes:
    – Heather has regained her powers of hypnotism and is undergoing character development to help defy the popular mean girl stereotype she embodies.
    – Other than the Pyric subplot, the events of the Third Book have been scrapped.
    – I’m having trouble with the villains. Effectively, every fight is against faceless mooks. how can I make this creative?

    – Wings

    Note: More information about HTSTW as well as my other works has been placed in my second review forum.

  444. B. Macon 18 Jun 2010 at 10:47 am

    “Effectively, every fight is against faceless mooks. how can I make this creative?” Do they have personalities? For example, the henchmen in Venture Brothers are pretty hilarious, even though they don’t have notable fighting skills.

  445. ShardReaperon 18 Jun 2010 at 12:42 pm

    You could pull a Starscream and have the henchmen try to usurp their boss. If the heroes were also aware that the henchman would be a more competent villain, it’d be a two-way battle.

  446. Wingson 18 Jun 2010 at 5:37 pm

    _Hypnotized_ faceless mooks. Probably should have specified.

    I could try a Starscream with Heather taking down Crimson…Still not sold on the idea though.

    – Wings

  447. B. Macon 18 Jun 2010 at 7:27 pm

    Well, I think most zombies are faintly similar to hypnotized faceless mooks, and zombie stories are pretty popular. It may be possible to give the characters personality even though they’re not in control of themselves. Maybe there’s something about the way they move or the way they fight that’s really striking.

  448. Wingson 18 Jun 2010 at 8:05 pm

    …Hm. I could possibly work with that.

    – Wings

  449. Wingson 01 Sep 2010 at 7:57 pm

    How to Save the World is being replotted.

    What am I changing?

    – The story is now a direct forerunner of TSBLAD, existing in a superhero universe as opposed to “reality”. It acts as a sort of prequel, taking place at least 25 years before the events of TSBLAD.

    – Mutants/Naturals already exist, but are extremely rare (their population is slowly increasing, but they still remain unknown to the world).

    – Characters are being aged up to the first year of college, for one.

    – Most of the beginning is being completely changed; instead of the introduction being Meg and Ian at a high school/boarding school; it begins with an orientation for a new college, after Meg and Ian (as well as the other members: Pierce, Darren, and Jazz) receive invitations to attend a so called “experimental model” college.

    – Connor’s character has been aged up to is TAWNBT age at 15.

    – Instead of receiving his powers from a cookie as he did in the original draft, Connor is a naturally-born mutant and thought insane due to his aura sight. Meg is even more protective of him in this new plot, and one of the few to believe that Connor isn’t crazy*.

    – We’re going Darker and Edgier.

    – Darren and Pierce have a closer relationship here.

    – By the end of the book, mutants become known to the world, unlike in the original draft.

    What else might happen?

    – Pyric may be included in the new plot.

    – Debating whether to keep just the original cookies of have the serum spread throughout all of the food.

    – Heather, like Pyric, may or may not appear. The same applies to Warp, Heather’s sister.

    What will remain the same?

    – Overall characterization, appearances, and powers will all remain the same. Small details will change, but overall the protagonists will stay the same as before.

    – The plot will remain about the same at its base: Crimson altering a school full of students and hypnotizing them in order to fight for mutant domination, while the six Specials work to keep his plan from succeeding.

    And yes, I have been planning to make it a sort of prequel to TSBLAD for a while now, although the original draft showed this through blink-and-you’ll-miss-it references**.

    Comments?

    – Wings

    * Since TAWNBT was scrapped, I merged Andra’s backstory with Connor’s.

    ** Meg mentions seeing a movie called Attack of the Fifty Foot Prom Queen during the beginning of chapter 2. It later turns up on a movie poster in Retra’s hospital room, with Eclipse mentioning “it was horribly cheesy, but she said that was what she liked most about it.”

  450. Ghoston 02 Sep 2010 at 6:00 am

    Wings,
    I think that your plan will work well, but are you intending to make an actually prequel (released after your other series) or are you planning to write this one first and then release you next series. I think that either method will work, but if you are only doing one book in the “How to save the world” series then I would recommend releasing it after your other series (I assume the other series is the one about Darken). I am only saying that because I think it would be weird for me as a reader to start with HTSTW and then in the next book I dealing with a new main character.

  451. Wingson 02 Sep 2010 at 4:21 pm

    Technically…HTSTW isn’t a true prequel, nor is TSBLAD a sequel. Even before this overhaul, they were hinted to exist in the same universe with HTSTW coming first. Neither are directly connected with the exception of blink-and-you’ll-miss-it “Easter eggs” and cameos. They can be stand-alone works, and I do not see them as forming a series.

    – Wings

  452. Wingson 17 Sep 2010 at 11:06 pm

    Off topic: B. Mac, I just sent you an email about my story.

    On topic: A minor project has been added to my collection. This one is specifically intended to be published on Fictionpress so that the annoying reviewers who keep insulting me and telling me to “write something myself instead of telling them how to write!”* (I’m looking at you, Wolfy. Just so ya know, my chickadee motif so owns your cliche wolf one) will shut up and leave me alone for a little while. That, and the fact that said project combines a few concepts I’ve been wanting to try for a while. I’m certain that it won’t get in the way of the existing ones, though, so no worries there.

    – Wings

    * To be fair, some of them are so idiotic I’m surprised that they can even operate a computer, let alone review my work. I believe the usual term for my actions upon reading their reviews is “ROFLing”.

  453. B. Macon 18 Sep 2010 at 12:40 pm

    Hello. I responded to your e-mail.

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