Jan 13 2008
B. Mac’s Review Forum
Who am I? Hello, I’m B. Mac. I created this website.
What am I writing? Right now, I’m mainly working on a six-issue comic book series. It’s a wacky action-comedy titled The Taxman Must Die. My main inspirations are Men in Black, Spiderman and Calvin & Hobbes.
Series synopsis: It’s a wacky mix of an office comedy (like The Office or Office Space) and a national security thriller. Two unlikely Homeland Security agents– an accountant and a mutant alligator– have to save the world. From themselves, mostly.
Who is my target audience? High school and college students, mainly.
Anything else you should know? If you’d like to begin reading the latest draft of the script, please go here. After that, feel free to browse around below for some random funny scenes I wrote for the characters.
Hi. Welcome to my forum. I apologize for skipping around so much, but my posts tend to be random scenes not particularly connected to each other. For example, in this scene Agent Black is chasing after a Unabomber knockoff in a trenchcoat and bulky sunglasses.
Panel 1. Agent Black’s chasing after the criminal down a crowded street. He’s close.
2. The criminal ducks into a large building. Agent Black follows.
3. Inside, Black is startled to see hundreds of people in trenchcoats and sunglasses.
4. Agent Black comes across a sign that says WASHINGTON WELCOMES THE MATRIX CONVENTION.
5. He slaps himself on the forehead.
6. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Agent Orange having a heated conversation with a vendor surrounded by trenchcoats and sunglasses.
7. Agent Black gives Agent Orange a confused look.
AGENT BLACK: What are you doing here?
AGENT ORANGE: Buying clothing. And you?
8.
AGENT BLACK: I’m looking for a criminal.
AGENT ORANGE: You came to just the right place! This charlatan here claims these sunglasses are worth more than $5.
9.
VENDOR: $250.
AGENT ORANGE: A likely story!
10.
AGENT BLACK: I meant a real criminal.
11. Explosions rip out from the back of the auditorium. Agent Black grabs his gun and makes for where he now knows the criminal is.
12. Agent Orange seems excited about the explosions, rather than alarmed. It’s like he’s watching a fireworks show. (He thinks it’s just a convention stunt with special effects).
AGENT ORANGE: Wow, the special effects get better every year!
13. People start running and screaming, including the salesman.
14. Agent Orange pauses for a few seconds.
15. Orange turns his head towards the running salesman, drops a $5 bill, grabs the sunglasses and yells at the salesman.
AGENT ORANGE: Eminent domain!
That’s hilarious! Sure hope it’s usable.
I hope you can use it too. “Wow, the special effects get better every year!” Haha!
Stealing sunglasses, that Orange.
This comic exchange between Agent Black and Agent Orange would probably take two panels.
BLACK: Why are alligators so lazy?
ORANGE: We are not lazy! We are efficient.
BLACK: Hah! Whenever I go to the zoo, the alligators always just sit around doing nothing.
ORANGE: Strategizing! It’s not my fault you want to rush into everything.
This scene would happen shortly after a fight scene in which Agent Orange gets shot repeatedly. (Agent Black is dealing with the damage off-camera).
1. Two paramedics are chatting in a Surf City waiting room. It’s late at night and it’s very quiet. When a bloodied mess of a mutated alligator bursts through the door in the next panel, it should seem very sudden.
PARAMEDIC ONE: It’s so hot tonight.
PARAMEDIC TWO: You’re telling me! I’m ex-Seattle. My wife’s been nagging us to move back for years–
2. Agent Orange bursts in the door. We can see a slight trail of blood behind him and he has clearly been in a major gunfight. He’s gingerly holding his tail in one hand.
3. This shot is focused on the paramedics, who are shocked to see such a strange and gruesome sight. Even in Surf City, this is unusual.
AGENT ORANGE: My tail requires immediate medical attention! And a pillow.
4. The two paramedics try to be the first one to get the pillow (rather than attend to a very strange and serious set of injuries).
PARAMEDIC ONE, cutting off the other: I’ll get the pillow. You get it prepped for OR.
5. Close-up on paramedic 2. He’s extremely confused and worried about how to deal with this patient.
PARAMEDIC 2, in thought-bubble: “Dammit! “Surf City has better schools than Seattle,” I said. “Keep the kids in one place,” I said. Damn kids.
I think both of those scenes are very funny. Haha.
Encore!
Thanks. The hospital scene was kind of inspired by a problem with the last two seasons of Heroes. Virtually every character on Heroes is superpowered, and they hardly ever interact with regular people.
This pun is so bad it’s hard to resist.
AGENT ORANGE: The family that preys together, stays together.
AGENT BLACK: What a coincidence! My parents said that all the time. Is your church nearby?
AGENT ORANGE: Church?
(Agent Orange and Agent Black are eating).
1. Agent Orange looks annoyed.
AGENT ORANGE: Erk!
2. Agent Black has no idea what that means.
AGENT BLACK: Erk?
3. Agent Orange is now pointing at his meal as though it is poisonous.
AGENT ORANGE: This meal has been insufficiently ketchuped.
AGENT BLACK: Uhh, I didn’t know that alligators liked ketchup… on corn.
4. Agent Orange: Hah! I am an American alligator. Perhaps if I were a Canadian alligator, I could tolerate your ketchup-free shenanigans.
5. Later in the meal, Agent Orange is once again annoyed. He has a bowl.
AGENT ORANGE: Erk!
AGENT BLACK: What is it this time?
6. This time, Agent Orange is still annoyed but play it cartoonishly over the top.
AGENT ORANGE: I have already explained to you what erk means, you ketchup-hating fiend. “Eating Requires Ketchup!”
7. Agent Black is a bit confused.
AGENT BLACK: It’s ice cream.
AGENT ORANGE: Ice cream without ketchup! And therein lies the problem.
8. Agent Black gives a queasy look of disbelief in the background. Agent Orange notices a bottle of ketchup on the table. He’s notably happy here.
9. Agent Orange now has the bottle of ketchup in his hand and is pouring it liberally into his bowl. (Eww!) He looks giddy with anticipation and his tongue is hanging out of his mouth. Disgusted, Agent Black is energetically getting out of his seat.
AGENT BLACK: Uhh, that reminds me. I should make sure the water isn’t running.
Haha, I love that one! I especially like the bit about the Canadian alligator.
Ketchup on ice- cream, eww, now ice cream on pizza is a whole ‘nother story.
Agent Orange: Despite their best efforts, a barrage of Canadian geese failed to kill any humans on a US Airlines jet flying out of LaGuardia. This is an important time for American alligators to learn about our perennial nemeses, Canadian geese.
Favorite holiday activity…
Alligators: Waiting for Santa Claws.
Geese: Getting sucked into jet engines and killing everyone on board. Also, public defecation.
Human kills per year…
Alligators: 1-2
Geese: 1-2 planeloads
Preferred victims…
Alligators: Drug dealers
Geese: Women and children.
Best known for…
Alligators: All-star petting zoo performances.
Geese: Public defecation.
Distinguishing trait…
Alligators: Pettability
Geese: Kickability
Role models…
Alligators: Tim Tebow
Geese: Osama bin Laden
Haha. Agent Orange sounds hilarious.
Agent Orange and Agent Black have a conversation at the OSI lunchroom about their boss, Marty Stull, who may be a bit too perfect.
1. Marty Stull is having a conversation in the foreground. He should be a super-idealized boss here, very professional and friendly-looking. Orange and Black are having lunch in the background, looking at him.
AGENT ORANGE: Marty Stull infuriates me.
AGENT BLACK: But he’s so thoughtful! How could you hate him?
2. AGENT ORANGE: What could make someone open a free puppy-adoption agency, cure AIDS and win a Medal of Honor? Nothing but evil, I assure you.
AGENT BLACK: He’s also very accommodating of sick day requests.
3. In the foreground, Marty is having a happy conversation with one of his workers.
AGENT BLACK: And he speaks 12 languages.
AGENT ORANGE: 12 sinister languages. [Small text:] Well, except English, obviously.
AGENT ORANGE, separate bubble: I’ve never wanted so badly to discover that a government agent was abusing suspects–
4. MARTY STULL smiles radiantly as a female coworker walks by him. She is enormously infatuated and surprised by this sudden gesture of kindness.
5. She faints into his arms.
6. She has regained consciousness and is now dreamily looking up at him.
MARTY STULL: Pardon. You seem to have swooned into my arms.
DREAMY FEMALE PASSERBY: Did I ever!
7. The focus is back on Orange and Black. Orange has an over-the-top disgusted look on his face.
AGENT ORANGE, continuing his rant from panel 3: –before murdering them. With chainsaws.
This one is my favorite so far.
Thanks. What did you like about this one more than the others?
1. Agent Orange storms into Agent Black’s office. He’s holding a folder labeled MISSION BRIEFING.
2. Agent Orange brandishes the mission briefing at Agent Black.
AGENT ORANGE: The director expects us to take a Canadian partner on this mission. I would sooner bite off my own head!
3. Agent Black looks slightly confused, but not so much. He’s dealt with a few of these outbursts by Agent Orange at this point.
AGENT BLACK: What’s wrong with Canadians?
AGENT ORANGE: I refuse to find out whether their total lack of style is contagious.
4.
AGENT BLACK: I think we can risk it.
AGENT ORANGE: Speak for yourself! I have something to lose.
5. Agent Black is annoyed by that jab at his lack of style.
AGENT BLACK: Is there any particular reason that you imagine Canadians to be unstylish?
AGENT ORANGE: They cannot even pull off a comic strip! For Better or For Worse is a venomous heap of treachery and lies. In contrast, Calvin and Hobbes is a masterful ode to American nonhumans.
6.
AGENT BLACK: Oh, come on. Calvin and Hobbes was pseudo-philosophical nonsense.
AGENT ORANGE: False! It was an uplifting saga of a friendly-and-violent predator struggling to kick a short-and-inept human through the goalposts of life. Of course you do not like it!
“Thanks. What did you like about this one more than the others?”
I like how Orange twisted everything to make Marty seem like the worst person ever, I also love the ridiculous end,
“Pardon. You seem to have swooned into my arms.”
That’s hilarious.
The Calvin and Hobbes description wins. Haha. Probably my favourite.
I wasn’t sure about the C&H. It’s a bit too self-referential for me; the basic Black-Orange relationship was largely inspired by C&H, down to using an oversized predator as the friendly partner.
Also, I’m not sure how effective the last two panels are for readers unfamiliar with C&H. In almost every case, authors shouldn’t assume that their audiences are familiar with outside works. The exceptions tend to be dominant (or at least exceedingly well-known) examples of the genre. For example, the audience for a superhero comic book will know something about Superman and Batman and the audience for Christian-themed fiction will have at least a basic grasp on the Bible, etc.
Also, if you liked the C&H reference, you might like the conversation where Agent Black quotes Calvin about the acceptability of tails.
Agent Black is waiting for Agent Orange in a helicopter shortly before they go on a case.
1. Agent Black is sitting in the helicopter, looking bored.
2. Agent Black checks his watch.
AGENT BLACK: What’s he doing?
PILOT: Don’t know, don’t care. I get paid by the hour.
3. We can see Agent Black and the pilot seeing Agent Orange come running out of the Office of Special Investigations building. His trenchcoat is unbuttoned and flapping wildly and we can see that he has a new bulletproof vest on. It says OSI in yellow letters on the front. (Like this).
4. Agent Orange is now within talking-distance of Black.
AGENT BLACK: Why the hell did you hold us up for a bulletproof vest? In case you haven’t noticed, you’re already bulletproof.
5. Agent Orange draws his coat closed so the viewer can’t see the OSI letters.
AGENT ORANGE: But now I can do this…
6. (Insert panel on panel #5) Agent Orange grabs his coat in a dramatic pose, exposing the yellow S in the middle of his OSI vest. This should look just like Clark Kent pulling open his suit to reveal the Superman S.
AGENT ORANGE: This looks like a job for…
7. Agent Black looks annoyed and cuts him off.
AGENT BLACK: A team of highly-paid intellectual property lawyers?
PILOT, off-camera: It’s the American Way!
Yeah, I think the Superman references there work more smoothly than the Calvin and Hobbes references did above. I’m very confident that my audience (even the non-Americans) will get the Superman reference. I’m not so confident about C&H’s ubiquity, particularly outside the US.
Ha, I love that.
Maybe someone could help me with this. I’m trying to use the pun “Pharmageddon”. But I don’t know what the context is yet. However, since the lead villain is a biochemist, it shouldn’t be a major problem.
Agent Black is in Agent Orange’s office. Agent Black comes in to talk about a mission, but Agent Orange is clearly distracted.
Panel 1. This shot is from behind Agent Black. At the bottom of the panel, Agent Orange is using a mission folder as a screen on his desk. It looks like he’s reading the mission briefing and not listening at all to Black.
BLACK: So, I wanted to talk about the odds of survival on the hostage-recovery mission…
ORANGE: Uh-huh.
BLACK: …specifically, my odds of survival.
ORANGE: Uh-huh.
Panel 2. The camera zooms out and we can see that the folder says MISSION BRIEFING upside down. Whatever Agent Orange is reading, it definitely isn’t mission-related. Agent Black notices that and scowls.
BLACK: You’re not listening to me, are you?
ORANGE: Uh-huh.
Panel 3. This is shot from the same angle (so we can’t see what Orange is reading), but Agent Black is now standing next to Agent Orange on Orange’s side of the desk. Black looks incredulously at what Orange is reading.
Panel 4. Agent Black leans close to Agent Orange, like he’s going to tell him a secret. Agent Orange is shocked by his revelation.
BLACK (whisper): I’m not supposed to tell you this, but Dumbledore dies.
ORANGE: What!?!
BLACK: And the series ends with Neville shooting Harry in the back.
ORANGE: The fiend! I suspected him all along.
[end]
I think these panels are funny enough, but panel #4 would be hard to draw. Agent Orange’s expression would probably look something like this.
Agent Orange has to snap his head towards where Agent Black is. However, if Agent Black is leaning in close (so that he looks like he’s sharing a secret), that won’t give a lot of room to place Orange’s head.
If you’re worried about that, what do you think about moving Agent Black’s first line into panel 3?
Hmm. I think that moving Agent Black’s first line from panel 4 to panel 3 is an ok solution, but I’d kind of prefer to keep the action of Agent Black’s discovery separate from his spoiling the plot for Agent Orange. So I tried inserting a separate panel between panel 3 and 4.
Agent Black is in Agent Orange’s office. Agent Black comes in to talk about a mission, but Agent Orange is clearly distracted.
Panel 1. This shot is from behind Agent Black. At the bottom of the panel, Agent Orange is using a mission folder as a screen on his desk. It looks like he’s reading the mission briefing and not listening at all to Black.
BLACK: So, I wanted to talk about the odds of survival on the hostage-recovery mission…
ORANGE: Uh-huh.
BLACK: …specifically, my odds of survival.
ORANGE: Uh-huh.
Panel 2. The camera zooms out and we can see that the folder says MISSION BRIEFING upside down. Whatever Agent Orange is reading, it definitely isn’t mission-related. Agent Black notices that and has an exasperated expression.
BLACK: You’re not listening to me, are you?
ORANGE: Uh-huh.
Panel 3. This is shot from the same angle (so we can’t see what Orange is reading), but Agent Black is now standing next to Agent Orange on Orange’s side of the desk. Black looks incredulously at what Orange is reading.
Panel 4. Agent Black leans close to Agent Orange, like he’s going to tell him a secret.
BLACK (whisper): I’m not supposed to tell you this, but Dumbledore dies.
Panel 5. Agent Orange is shocked by this revelation.
ORANGE: What!?!
BLACK: And the series ends with Neville shooting Harry in the back.
ORANGE: The fiend! I suspected him all along.
[end]
Panel 1. Agent Orange looks tired at lunch. He’s talking with Agent Black about public-relations and community involvement kind of stuff. (He got sent to do a career presentation to an elementary school earlier in the day).
AGENT ORANGE: Kids today are so hard to please.
AGENT BLACK: I don’t even want to think about how you might know that.
Panel 2. The visual cuts to Agent Orange standing at the front of a class with a bunch of first-grade kids sitting at their desks. On the whiteboard, someone has written Career Day.
Agent Orange, in a expository bubble: This morning…
Teacher: Class, today our guest is Agent Orange.
Agent Orange: I’m a Special Investigator. With an emphasis on the gator.
Panel 3.
Teacher: Could you explain what it is you do?
Agent Orange: That does not seem prudent! There are children here and the details of my work are spectacularly violent.
Panel 4. The class goes “oooooooh.” They are clearly interested in spectacular violence.
Panel 5.
Student 1: Have you ever killed anybody?
Agent Orange: Laws need claws or they’d just be words.
Panel 6.
Student 2: How many bad guys have you killed?
Agent Orange: The confirmed score or a rough estimate?
Panel 7. We’re back to the cafeteria. Agent Black looks perturbed by Agent Orange’s bizarre answers.
AGENT BLACK: …
Panel 8. Same perturbed expression from Black. Agent Orange lets his tongue hang out of his mouth in a carefree kind of way.
Agent Black: Suddenly I have questions of my own.
[end]
I could probably merge panels 7 and 8, but I kept them separate to draw out the awkwardness.
I really like that scene! I think it demonstrates something about Agent Orange apart from his wacky character.
I think keeping Panels 7 and 8 separate isn’t a big problem, you’re right about drawing out the awkwardness. You can always merge them if the page layout doesn’t work as is.
MEMO TO SELF: complete the scene where the villain is discussing the specs for his superhero holding-cell. The villain asks the henchman what material he’ll use on the walls. The henchman says steel. The villain flips out.
The villain wants transparent walls. Otherwise guards will not be able to watch the hero at all times. The henchman says “but we will have security cameras.” (This should come off as thoroughly idiotic– security cameras have not once, in the history of comic books, prevented a superhero from escaping). The villain asks “do we have security cameras in this room?” “Of cour–” The villain cuts him off by shooting him twice. “And a lot of good they did you,” concludes the villain.
UPDATE: You can see my first draft of this scene here.
I love that!
Haha, I know nothing about comic books and even I get the ‘security cameras are useless’ thing. The villain seems great.
Haha. I love villain-centric scenes like this. Lots of possibilities here, I think. I’d have a scene where the villain orders all his guards to wear extremely tight-fitting clothes, so that superheroes can’t knock them out and escape, disguised as guards. Or maybe a scene in which the villain demands that his guards all be able to recognise the sound of a pebble being thrown as a distraction, and investigate the source of the thrown pebble, instead of where it landed.
Stefan, are you familiar with the Evil Overlord list? I think I remember seeing those things on there (but that would be a great scene – the pebble thing, I mean!)
Yeah, now that you mention it, I’m pretty sure I saw those two ideas in that list. It also had some pretty funny ideas on how villains should treat heroes and stuff like that. I must go and hunt for the link.
I didn’t really feel the Career Day scene, I didn’t get the joke clearly. I think it was Orange got so tired from explaining the long list of people he killed, that he let his tongue hang out, I don’t know.
Conversly, I loved the villain scene. I also love the idea of transparent walls, although if you have such idiotic henchmen won’t they often run into wall by trying to directly run after the hero?
Speaking of idiotic henchmen, this reminds me of a scene from one of the Austin Powers movies where a bunch of henchmen run up to fight Austin and he points out that they are so unimportant that they don’t even have names. So they all fall over by themselves. Hilarious.
Ack, Austin Powers. The film I saw had it’s moments (mostly when Dr. Evil was on-screen), but overall I really didn’t like it at all. I found a lot of the comedy flat and unfunny.
I really liked AP 1 and 2, although I could have done without a lot of the grossness of Fat Bastard.
That was the one I saw! Everyone in my class found that hilarious, but I was just like “ew.”
The villain is in his inner sanctum with an engineering flunky. They’re discussing a holding cell they’re planning for the eventual capture of a superhero.
Panel 1. This shot is from the villain’s perspective as he reads the blueprints. The hero’s cell is a small room walled off, just like a regular prison cell.
Panel 2. The villain looks annoyed.
VILLAIN: What will the wall be made out of?
ENGINEER: Reinforced steel.
Panel 3. The villain looks dangerously agitated.
VILLAIN: Absolutely not. The walls must be transparent, so that guards can watch the prisoner at all times.
ENGINEER: But we will have security cameras.
Panel 4.
VILLAIN: When we have captured Agent Orange in the past, have security cameras ever actually prevented him from escaping?
Panel 5. This panel takes up a full page and shows a collage of shots of Agent Orange escaping from prisons when he was watched only by security cameras. For example, he tapes a picture to the camera, tampers with the wiring, etc. This is supposed to make fun of a comic book cliche, so it’s ok if these are cliched or draw on movies (superhero and otherwise). Make this a fun panel.
ENGINEER, off-panel: Uhh… not that I can recall, sir.
Panel 6. The villain looks quietly dangerous.
VILLAIN: I see. Do we have security cameras in this room?
Panel 7. In this panel, the engineer starts to speak but the villain pulls out a gun and kills him.
ENGINEER: Of cour–
The villain cuts him off by whipping out a gun and shoots him.
Panel 8. The engineer is lying dead on the ground.
VILLAIN, to the engineer’s corpse: And a lot of good they did you.
Haha, the panel 5 in my imagination seems great.
I like this one a lot.
How much room will panel 5 have? It seems like it should be a large panel, but you have 8 planned for the page. It might feel a bit squashed, especially since it’s a busy panel.
Also, I think killing the engineer is leaning towards “unneccesarily evil.” It doesn’t really seem to help prove the villain’s point, since knocking him out would serve just as well.
I was figuring that this scene would take about 3 pages.
I like the idea of knocking the engineer out instead of killing him. Killing an underling for a minor failing does seem a bit harsh.
Oh, I see. In that case, you probably will have enough room.
But you’re right; a real comic book script would be divided by pages, not scenes.
Haha! I’m learning!
This scene would take place right after Agent Orange learns that an IRS agent has been hired to be his partner, rather than a Navy SEAL or a SWAT officer. Agent Orange attempts to deliver a Powerpoint presentation to Marty Stull to express his dismay.
1.
ORANGE: Greetings. It has come to my attention that you have hired an inept IRS agent as my partner, instead of a Navy SEAL like Lieutenant Gridley.
STULL: Agent Black has worked three years with the IRS investigating all manners of tax crimes. That’s plenty of experience.
2. ORANGE: However! As we will see, this is not a very practical sort of experience. Computer, start.
Behind Agent Orange, we can see the first slide of his presentation. There are three circles. The first is a big circle labeled Competence. Within Competence, there is a smaller circle labeled Gridley. On the far edge of the screen, there is another circle labeled Agent Black. There is no overlap between Agent Black and Competence.
3. The title of this slide is TALENTS.
GRIDLEY: Marksmanship, explosives, ninjitsu
AGENT BLACK: Annoying alligators.
4. The title of this slide is COMPATIBILITY WITH AMERICAN ALLIGATORS
GRIDLEY: Experienced in amphibious warfare; mastered survival training in the Everglades by eating small furry creatures raw.
AGENT BLACK: By an accident of birth, is American.
5. The title of this slide is ARCHENEMY.
GRIDLEY: Al Qaeda.
AGENT BLACK: Taxpayers.
I really like that joke, but A.O. doesn’t seem to feature in it much. It might be a bit bland with just some slides. What about including some wacky pictures?
Hey, B. Mac. What do you think about this comic site, Comics Dammit?
I have some more random comedy. You can see Agent Orange’s Guide to Animal Life here.
Oh man, I love that guide to animals. That’s brilliant.
It took me two hours to turn the paper version of that animal guide into a digital version with Photoshop. Ick. Anything in particular you liked or didn’t like?
That’s awesome. I love Agent Orange’s perception.
I loved the sort-of well armed pizza boys, incompetent French people and the absurdly awesome (but only on Saturdays) Tim Tebow. I don’t know who Tebow is, but it was still funny and I have the vague idea he’s a footballer.
I thought the “nobody cares” thing was a little over the top, though. And it stood out a bit too much in green. (Also, why is Orange’s picture more cartoony than Black’s?)
Yeah, Tim Tebow is the quarterback for the Florida Gators. He’s their most prominent athlete right now.
I just updated the picture of Agent Black so it’s a bit more stylistically similar. Also, it looks more helpless now. You can see the new guide here.
This is a comic vignette that probably won’t appear in the comic. (It’s too random).
1. Agent Orange is scowling at Agent Black.
AGENT ORANGE: I am surly, Agent Black! Congress has announced that our budget has been slashed by a crippling twenty percent.
AGENT BLACK: Umm, our requested budget increase of thirty percent was decreased to an increase of ten percent. That’s not really a budget cut.
AGENT ORANGE: We need revenue. Unless you know how to count cards, this is no time for your mathematical trickery.
2. Agent Black throws out a half-formed idea, but regrets it immediately. Agent Orange is very interested.
AGENT BLACK: The Interior Department and a few other agencies do joint projects partially funded by private companies…
AGENT ORANGE: Intriguing!
3. Agent Black introduces an objection and Agent Orange looks he’s having absolutely none of it.
AGENT BLACK: But that definitely wouldn’t work here. It’s not like we have land to parcel out.
AGENT ORANGE: Agent Black, you are confused. We are in the brainstorming phase, not the inane objection phase.
4. Agent Black is bewildered. Agent Orange hands him a trash bin.
AGENT BLACK: Could we skip to the inane objection phase?
AGENT ORANGE: Certainly! Please file a report listing all of your objections to this brilliant plan and I will give it all the attention it deserves.
[Agent Orange hands him a trash bin.]
AGENT ORANGE (in an additional bubble): In the meantime, I will carry out the implementation phase.
5. Later that day, Agent Orange and Agent Black are meeting in a different office. Agent Black has several sheets of paper in his hand.
CAPTION: Later that day…
AGENT BLACK: So, in conclusion, no national security agency in the history of this country has ever funded itself with private dollars.
6.
AGENT ORANGE: Until today! The Recording Industry Association of America has graciously offered to subsidize us to appear in ads deterring would-be pirates from exploiting small and vulnerable artists*.
EDITOR’S NOTE: *–Like us!
7. Agent Black looks skeptical. Agent Orange looks annoyed.
AGENT BLACK: We’re getting paid to do RIAA propaganda?
AGENT ORANGE: Allegory!
8. Agent Orange passes Black a script.
AGENT BLACK: Dear God. This just gets better and better.
AGENT ORANGE: Most assuredly! Just wait until you see the script I wrote.
9.
AGENT BLACK, reading from a script: Hey, kids. Pirating is wrong, so don’t pirate unless you want me to pump you full of lead.
10.
AGENT BLACK: Umm, don’t you think it’s a little bit violent for kids?
AGENT ORANGE: Hah! Everybody knows that you can’t spell allegory without gory.
That doesn’t seem much more random than some other scenes you’ve posted, but I’ll take your word for it that it won’t fit in very smoothly.
That said, I did really like this. If it doesn’t make the actual script, hopefully it can make an appearance as a webcomic?
A few of these are totally random, so much so that it’d be difficult to make them part of the plot. (Such as the scene where Agent Orange hates on geese, the evolution scene and any of the scenes where Agent Orange talks about ketchup or Canadians, etc).
However, I think most of these scenes would be fairly easy to work into the plot. For example, the scene where Agent Orange and Black discuss Marty Stull is essential because we need to show that Agent Orange is paranoid about Stull but that Agent Black initially trusts him. The scene where Agent Orange complains to Marty about Agent Black’s inexperience will probably be toned down, but we will almost certainly use a similar scene at the end of issue 1 or the beginning of issue 2. Again, that’s important because it develops the Black-Orange-Stull relationship, which is critical to understanding why Stull hires Black instead of someone qualified.
I also plan to use the scene where a villain discusses the specs for a cell that can hold Agent Orange. The villain will be Jacob, but I wrote the villain as a generic character because I’ll have to make some minor tweaks to help Jacob fit into that scene. If you remember the plotting discussions, Jacob needs to capture Agent Orange because he needs to harvest Orange’s blood to continue his experimentation. Because Jacob is a methodical and intelligent villain, it makes sense that he would try to plan ahead and figure out what they’re going to do with a captured superhero that is demonstrably dangerous and completely unpredictable.
The Career Day presentation at the elementary school is another scene that I might end up using to develop the Black-Orange-Stull triangle. For example, let’s say that Stull punishes Orange at one point by having Orange do worthless public relations stuff for the foreseeable future. That would be like a more humorous version of the scene in most cop movies where the cantankerous lieutenant tells the hero to do desk-work or has him turn in his badge.
I could make a webcomic out of the scene where Agent Orange is looking for ways to supplement his budget, but I’d have to cut out the part where Agent Orange hands Black a trash-bin. Right now, my inventory of props is limited to generic pieces of paper and cell-phones.
You could adapt it slightly (by just having a panel ‘zoom in’ on a trash can or something), but yeah, I understand that you’re more limited for the webcomic.
A lot of those scenes do make sense plotwise now that you’ve explained their importance. Obviously they’re less random than I thought.
I guess I could slap together a picture of him holding a trash can. For example, if I merged the pictures of him holding the paper and a picture of a trash-can and gave him a new facial expression…
Actually, that works surprisingly well, haha.
When you work with such a tight budget, you learn a few tricks.
Still, it’s not the same as having an actual artist do everything.
Ok. I’ve turned it into a webcomic here.
I think a much shorter version of this monstrously long scene will appear in issue 2.
Agent Black asks Agent Orange what would lead a mutant alligator to become patriotic. Agent Orange launches into the creation myth of American alligators.
Note: I have a sort of experimental design for how I have non-mutant alligators talk here. Instead of using words, their speech-bubbles are filled with pictures. Also, all of the alligators in this scene (except for Agent Orange) are non-mutant.
Panel 1. A small alligator is happily basking next to a pond.
NARRATION: In the beginning, there were gators.
Panel 2. The alligator looks as friendly as before, but this time there’s a Spanish colonist running away and screaming.
NARRATION: And then there were Spaniards!
ALLIGATOR: [In the alligator's speech-bubble, there is a picture of the Spaniard petting the alligator-- this alligator is being friendly with the Spaniard.]
Panel 3. The Spaniard from before is now back home and talking to another Spaniard. He’s still terrified by what he saw.
ORIGINAL SPANIARD: It was not merely un legarto*… it was el legarto*.
TRANSLATION: “A lizard” and “the lizard”.
NARRATION: It is a grave insult to call us a “legarto” because gators are not lizards! This is a false name, and a sinister slur against gator-kind.
Panel 4. A friendly-looking gator is trying to explain to a Spaniard that gators are reptiles, not lizards. The Spaniard screams away, as before.
NARRATION: All attempts to enlighten the Spaniards proved unfruitful.
ALLIGATOR: [On one side of the bubble, he has prominent reptiles such as dinosaurs, Godzilla and alligators. On the other side, he has sneaky-looking lizards like iguanas and the like. There's a big red line between the two sets of images].
Panel 5. A cheerful gator wearing an American tricorn is looking on happily as a schoolmarm teaches her pupils how to write. There’s also a sulking gator in a Spanish conquistador hat. On the chalkboard, there’s an outline of a gator next to the word GATOR.
NARRATION: Just over the Georgian border, humans called us by our true name, gators. As Spanish gators sulked in envy, American gators basked in truth and respect.
Panel 6.
NARRATION: So we were eager to aid our friends when the British claimed they were British and not American. This is as false as calling a gator a lizard!
Panel 7. A patriotic man (make him look super romanticized to show that this is far more myth than truth) rides a horse away from a city. He has an epic-looking scroll (the Declaration of Independence) stowed in a bag around his shoulder. A demonic-looking squirrel notes his departure.
NARRATION: The British struck out especially against symbols of truth and justice, particularly the Declaration of Independence. These testaments had to be hidden far away from the cities, where British spies lurked in every branch.
Panel 8. The rider is being chased by red-coats through the swamp.
Panel 9. The horse’s foot hits a snag and the rider flies off. A distinguished-looking, enormous alligator looks on with concern in the background. The scroll flies free of the rider. In an insert-panel, we see that the rider is out cold.
THE SWAMP GATOR: [A very large bubble shows many, many alligators gathered around the rider's body. He's calling the alligators in the area to help.]
Panel 10. Very many alligators have shown up. The Swamp Gator is clearly the biggest and in charge. He directs the smaller gators to drag the rider carefully onto his back.
Panel 11. The red-coats see the big alligator waddling away with all the baby gators (30 or 40) crowding around on his back. The rider is completely obscured under the mound of baby gators.
REDCOAT: Blimey, that’s a lot of lizards.
ALLIGATORS: [Give them some sort of funny picture that shows how annoyed they are to be called lizards.]
Panel 12. The rider wakes up. He’s been propped up against a tree. In an insert panel, he checks his shoulder and the Declaration is gone.
RIDER: The Declaration. Where is it!?!
Panel 13. The Swamp Gator gestures up at the tree with his head.
Panel 14. The man looks up and the scroll is hidden carefully in the tree, at least ten feet off the ground.
Panel 15.
RIDER: What the devil? How did you get it up there?
The Swamp Gator shrugs.
Panel 16. The Swamp Gator is standing guard over the tree. Show that the season has changed to suggest that time is passing.
NARRATION: Over the months to follow, wild rumors spread of gator-protected liberty trees throughout America’s swamps. Marion the Swamp Gator repelled every British attempt to locate and destroy the liberty trees.
Panel 17. The Swamp Gator is being honored by General Washington at a formal ceremony. Take this over the top. It’s a big panel.
NARRATION: The war ended, and it was obvious that gators were not merely gators, but also American allies.
GENERAL WASHINGTON: So I pronounce you American ally gators!
SWAMP GATOR: [Smiley face]
NARRATION: And even today we are American alligators!
Panel 18. An artist is painting Washington Crossing the Delaware, but with one notable change: a few heroic-looking alligators have been added swimming alongside the boat. A sinister-looking Benjamin Franklin looks on sourly.
NARRATION: But even in that ecstatic time, there were sinister forces plotting against us.
BEN FRANKLIN: It’s coming along nicely, but I want you to erase the lizards.
ARTIST: But alligators are going to be the national animal!
BEN FRANKLIN: We’ll see about that.
Panel 19. Cut to the present. Agent Orange and Agent Black are talking back in the office.
AGENT ORANGE: Even today, many Americans falsely believe that we are dangerous. Lies! There are a million American alligators and we have only killed thirty humans* in the last century. This means that we are statistically safer than ice-cream truck drivers, nuns and pizza boys.
*Excluding the criminals.
Panel 20.
AGENT ORANGE: And that’s why gators are Americans. And you?
AGENT BLACK: Well, I was born in Atlanta.
AGENT ORANGE: No, you dummy! That’s how you became an American citizen. I demand that you come up with a more satisfying reason. I refuse to tell your next of kin that you picked what to die for based on where you were born.
I think that was a bit convoluted and being um, British, I didn’t get a lot of it. (For some reason, anything to do with the former British Empire is a big no-no in schools. So American Independance doesn’t get a look in either).
I think you could just cut it down to the gators saving the Declaration of Independance and onward, and it would have pretty much the same effect.
I did like the last panel a lot, though.
Up until college, history classes in the US tend to focus overwhelmingly on first the revolutionary period, then the Civil War, and then some combination of WWII and/or the civil rights movement.
As for the history here, this is pretty much all meant to seem delusional anyway, so hopefully that doesn’t matter. It’s really hard to construe Ben Franklin as a villain. (However, it’s worth noting that the word “alligator” does actually derive from the Spanish “el legarto,” something that I think was used pretty awkwardly in this piece).
Thanks for your comment. I really like the suggestion about cutting out the first half. I would like to have at least a brief bit of motivation for why the alligator cares enough to save the rider and the declaration, but I could probably do that in a single panel.
Hi. I’m working on an outline of the first Superhero Nation issue now. Please let me know if you have thoughts, feedback or suggestions. (IE: scenes I could add, scenes I could merge to save space, etc.)
The gist of the issue is that we’re introduced to the protagonist, Gary Black, a young accountant. Strange circumstances lead him from a very mundane, conventional life at the IRS to a spectacularly exotic job at the Office of Special Investigations. Since joining the OSI is his origin story, I’d like to resolve that and get to the exciting stuff well before the end of the issue.
The setup to Gary’s application
–Page 1 introduces us to two hitmen that are waiting outside Gary Black’s house. Page two shows that he narrowly survives because of his signature trait: he’s a normal young guy and, like many other young people, he’s running late to work. That throws off the assassins’ carefully-planned schedule.
–In the hospital, we learn that Agent Black is mostly unharmed but that the police won’t let him return to work for about a year. This should take 1-2 pages.
–Agent Black unsuccessfully tries to find another job. This will also take 1-2 pages.
–He hits rock bottom at a bar and a friend suggests that he look into the Office of Special Investigations. Even though it’s out of his comfort zone, Gary feels desperate and agrees to apply. (I’m going to have to establish why having a job matters so much to him, though). In all, I’m thinking 2-3 pages here.
Gary as an OSI applicant
–The OSI schedules an interview with Gary for an accountant position. These two pages are the first time we see the OSI in action, so they should introduce the OSI, how it works, how thoroughly wacky it is, etc. (We might set the interview in New York City; that would help us establish why Agent Black is completely unfamiliar with the OSI and superheroes in general even though this sort of weirdness comes up every day in NYC).
–Gary takes an elevator to his interview. On the next floor, Agent Orange gets on and starts talking to him. Agent Black is completely out of his element here. He botches the conversation because he’s totally unused to anything as eccentric as a talking alligator. After they get off on the final floor, Agent Black asks where he should go to take his interview and Orange says that was his interview. He tells Black not to let the door hit him on the way out. This is an important scene, so I’m thinking 3 pages here.
–As Gary begins to leave the building, the panels cut back and forth between him leaving and Marty Stull (the OSI Director) reviewing security footage of the interview in his office. Marty giddily notices how easily Gary annoys Agent Orange. Marty is trying to force Agent Orange to quit, and he decides to hire Gary as Orange’s partner. 2 pages here.
–Gary is summoned to Marty’s office, where he receives a job offer: Gary would be the partner of Agent Orange, whom Marty claims is under criminal investigation. Marty knows that he would rather be an accountant than a field agent, so if Gary can find any evidence of criminal behavior then Marty will convince the police to allow him to return immediately to his old job. Gary agrees, signing a contract that will later bite him in the ass. 2 pages.
Gary in the OSI
–Gary does some new agent orientation and basic training. This will feature a brief scene where the trainers (and Agent Orange) discover to their horror how freakishly bad he is with weapons of every sort. 3 pages.
–Agent Orange confronts Marty Stull about hiring Gary as his partner. We learn more about the relationship between Orange and Stull and how Stull is using Gary as a weapon against Orange. 2 pages.
–After a week of training, there is an emergency situation in the Hudson and the trainees (Gary included) are told that they’ll be with their partners on-scene. This is a cliffhanger because Gary is obviously not ready for this. 2 pages.
–The last panel or two cut back to Marty Stull, who pretty much hopes to himself that Gary dies. If Agent Orange’s partner gets killed, that might provide him enough justification to get political approval to fire Agent Orange.
That puts me right around 24 pages. I’d like to pitch the issue at 24 or 26 pages, so I’m pleased that it looks like I’ll be close. What do you think? I’m slightly concerned about whether Gary will be likable and relatable enough.
I think it’s good. Although, I’m not good at spotting flaws unless they’re pretty obvious. I’m not good at negative reviews at all, quite frankly. Hmm. I wonder why? But back to the point. You covered all the points I was going to make.
Oh, here’s one; It seems that Gary doesn’t really prove himself much throughout the issue. He escapes the explosion by being lucky and is only is hired because he is annoying. He doesn’t seem to have many traits that are positive besides being down-to-earth. Maybe you could have him masterfully show his accounting skills, but they may be difficult to make interesting.
What is he good at besides taxes and being normal, (I feel stupid making an example because you already know my character) for instance, Adrian is able-bodied and intelligent, but he’s also a good actor. This can be used to put him in situations where his acting skills can solve a problem that his physical and mental skill cannot. Similar to Fallout 3, in which speech can often be used to talk your way out of a negative (or positive) situation, that would usually end in combat to the death.
He’s relatable, being normal and all. Although, his lack of effective skills may make him a little hard to like. No one likes people that can’t do things for themselves, unless they’re vegetables.
Overall, the plot sounds solid and interesting, especially Orange and Stull’s relationship. I get the feeling that there may be a darker side to Marty, was that intentional? I feel that he may later on go Ozymandias and try to kill Gary, I could be wrong though. My way of logic is pretty backwards, but it usually leads me to the right answer.
The only thing I think might be an issue here is why he’s being targeted by assassins. You don’t seem to establish a reason, which I think could be a red herring, especially as we find out Stull is half-hoping Black will be killed. I think you could work this in during the hospital pages if neccesary. (Unless the attempt does actually have plot relevance beyond being the inciting incident).
Maybe having a job matters to him simply because he needs to pay the rent, bills, medical bills for his parents or something like that.
I’m not sure why Gary signs the contract so eagerly. Unless Orange has really annoyed him, I think he might baulk a bit at trying to get somebody fired as part of his job description (I think if you establish that he really needs the job, this could be an interesting scene).
I’m not sure about making Gary likable/relatable. I think you’ve done a pretty good job here, but I can’t be sure without seeing the script (since, um, the only scenes I’ve seen him in so far are really wacky ones with Agent Orange and he handles those about as well as anybody could). I think portraying Marty Stull as a bit sinister with a “perfect man” front is a good move. I feel that will help us to care about Gary’s survival more.
I thought about what you said. I think it’s a good point that Agent Black doesn’t prove himself much here. One of the details I’ll flesh out is that Agent Black has to come off as a little bit wily and crafty during the training sequence. He’s not as well-trained in criminal investigations as most of the other investigators and he’s not remotely as good at combat as an average New York cabbie (let alone the Navy SEAL he’s training with). However, he’s very intuitive and tricky and brings an unusual set of skills to his position. He’s not completely helpless in investigating crimes. (However, during combat I think he will definitely be a liability early on).
Spoilers…
This is actually much further ahead of the first issue. I’m posting it mainly for my own benefit. This is the last page of issue 5, setting up the cliffhanger for the final issue.
Agent Black and Agent Orange come back to Jacob’s decidedly creepy lab and it seems obvious that time is running out. Lab assistants are busily milling about. Agent Black announces that, unfortunately for Jacob, his tax filings didn’t say anything about bioweapons research…
Panel 1.
JACOB: Conducting research with military applications is not illegal. We’ve already established that.
AGENT BLACK: Actually, it appears that your accountant improperly filed a deduction for medical research. Title 26503, chapter 3 of the federal tax code establishes that this exemption does not apply to research that is primarily military in nature.
Panel 2.
JACOB: If you or the IRS had any scientific acumen whatsoever, you would know that this isn’t primarily military in nature. The military applications are purely unanticipated consequences of an effort to reduce cancer rates.
AGENT BLACK: Possibly. The IRS would like to discuss this matter in more detail. Immediately. In the interim, we’ve received an injunction to immediately cease the disputed processes. Which, is, ahem… everything you’re working on.
Panel 3. Jacob refuses to come along.
JACOB: That’s not going to happen.
AGENT ORANGE: Jacob Mallow, nefarious foe of mammals, it pleases me to arrest you for tax evasion.
Panel 4. Agent Orange approaches with handcuffs. He’s still 5-8 feet away.
JACOB: Tax evasion? That’s it? Aren’t you forgetting something?
AGENT ORANGE: Sheer wiliness is not technically illegal yet, despite my many letters to Congress.
Panel 5. Jacob unleashes some sort of nightmare-fuel Cthulhu-esque transformation on himself. The “boss battle” is about to commence.
JACOB, in horrific font: I was thinking more like… resisting arrest.
[end issue]
Agent Black and Agent Orange are doing a stakeout.
Panel 1. Agent Orange looks bored/annoyed.
AGENT ORANGE: This displeases me! Federal agents are supposed to solve cases, not waste time. We are not local police!
AGENT BLACK: Uhh, how do you plan on solving the case without doing a stakeout?
Panel 2. We’re about to kick off a brief lampooning of Scooby Doo. Agent Orange imagines a very hippie-flavored van. MYSTERY MOBILE is painted on the side.
AGENT ORANGE, narrating: It is well-known that hippies frequent the seediest pits of the criminal underworld.
Panel 3. Agent Orange is grilling parodies of the Scooby Doo gang as Agent Black looks on in horror. Agent Orange is shaking a bag of “Dooby Snacks” in Shaggy’s face as though the snacks were evidence in a drug case.
SHAGGY PARODY: These Dooby Snacks are clean, man, like I swear! I can stop eating ‘em anytime I want!
AGENT ORANGE: Names, hippie, I want names! Who’s your supplier?
SCOOBY DOO PARODY: Ruh-roh!
Panel 4. Agent Orange glowers at Scooby Doo and grabs him by the leash.
AGENT ORANGE: Did you just talk?
SCOOBY DOO: No?
Panel 5. A pause panel. The gears are turning in Agent Orange’s head…
Panel 6.
AGENT ORANGE: I do not believe you!
Um, is that it? It seems like you were building up to a punchline and never quite got there. I liked it up to panel 3. I don’t know, I’m just not really feeling panel 4. Sorry I can’t help more.
Hmm… I could add a panel featuring a response by Agent Black in the real-world. Then, the next panel would feature something big happening inside the building they’re staking out. (The purpose of this scene was to develop the agents and amuse readers over the time they were doing the stakeout).
It annoys me when things happen instantaneously for no good reason. For example, a superhero goes patrolling and comes across a robbery in progress two seconds later. Eww.
Holliequ, I don’t think there was a set-up to a punchline. I think the whole scene was just meant to be comedic and eat time, entertain, and show how NOT human/logical Agent Orange is. (He’s supposed to be wacky, right?)… … and I think I just repeated what B said… ergh… oh, well.
I was pleased and entertained by the scene, and understand that this is just the author’s handling of the whole patrolling-and-finding-action deal in comics. Though I should ask, B. Mac, aren’t there usually two or three panels of the hero patrolling around until he finds something? Those very panels are there, I think, to just show that time is passing by (lengthy amounts of time, and that the assumption that there is a robbery 2 seconds later is just your interpretation; I usually assume there was a few minutes or hours in between– unless the artist was lazy and only drew the hero in the same street).
If this helps, I’ve noticed that Beast from X-Men looks very refined and cool when he wears his long hair in a ponytail and wears glasses. Although, I think if you have animalistic senses, you wouldn’t need glasses.
Not sure about the new colors. It’s probably too bright. Also, like you said, we’d have to redo the shading so it looked less like a cartoon show and more like a comic book.
The color-change on his chin is OK, but it looks like he has face-paint elsewhere on his face. (Under his eyes, for example). It looks awful.
Yeah. I’d like to go with a really short haircut, shorter than Beast’s. I’m thinking Catastrophe would have pretty much just what you see on the front. I think long hair would be laborious for our artist and wouldn’t add all that much.
Hello, B.Mac. I’m new here and I was wondering if you could go under Five Story Arcs and review my story.
Let me tell you my impressions :
(1) Why is Gary Black Agent Black? Not just because there’s black in his name, right? He’s light skinned, has brown hair, green eyes, so where does the Black come from?
(2) Same with the crocodile. There isn’t much orange in him, are there? He could better be Agent Green.
(3) Being named ‘Superhero Nation’, I think it must speak more about actual superhero stuff and concentrate less on animals. The characters look more like agents and less like superheroes. Also, concentrating on more creatures tends to take you away from the theme
Hi, Avi.
1. I picked Black as his last name because it’s typical and bland, like he is. I don’t really associate the color black with anything he wears. Also, our webcomic is different from the comic book we will eventually sell in a few ways. For example, in the comic book, his given name is actually Gary Smith, and Agent Orange decides that he needs a color-coded name to fit in better with the team.
2. The alligator is a wacky and slightly jingoistic character. I don’t think that Agent Green conveys that as well as Agent Orange does. If you’re familiar with American history, you might know that Agent Orange was also the name of a controversial herbicide used by the US during the Vietnam War. (I think most US readers will get this reference). I think that pun helps develop the character; Agent Orange explicitly compares himself to the herbicide here.
3. “I think it must speak more about actual superhero stuff and concentrate less on animals.” I think that’s fair. One of the reasons that this is focused more on dialogue-based comedy than superhero action is because I’m badly constrained by my budget. For $100, I was able to buy 10 stock images of each character (all from the neck up) and I just reuse those. As a result, the webcomic is much less action-oriented than the comic book is. When you only have two characters from the neck up, it’s hard to do superhero action.
Also, I know the characters in Superhero Nation don’t wear costumes in the same way that most conventional superheroes do, but I think that most comic book readers are fine with that. In the last fifteen years, leather and trenchcoats have become pretty popular (Punisher, Hellboy, the Matrix, etc). We based the alligator’s costume on that cliche. Also, because these are government agents, I don’t feel that capes and spandex would look believable.
Thanks for your comment. I appreciate your input.
Good news and bad news. The good news is that volunteer moderators now have access to our comment search-engine. The bad news is that actually editing the comments is still beyond the reach of volunteer moderators at this point.
Panel 1.
AGENT ORANGE: It is well-known that American alligators are enemies of terrorists, felons and crocodiles, but we have a new arch-nemesis!
AGENT BLACK: Psychiatrists?
Panel 2.
AGENT ORANGE: Polar bears, dummy.
AGENT BLACK (in disbelief): Polar bears.
Panel 3.
AGENT ORANGE: It is the dream of every American alligator to look a polar bear in the eyes and say…
Panel 4. This is a large panel showing Agent Orange decking an innocent-looking polar bear in the face. This should lampoon the panel where the Punisher punches a polar bear.
AGENT ORANGE, to the polar bear: …you are a foe of freedom!
Panel 5. Agent Orange is smiling cheerfully as he day-dreams about punching the bear.
AGENT BLACK: Umm, alligators live in Florida. Polar bears live in Antarctica*. You have about as much reason to hate them as Mexico has to declare war on Uzbekistan.
*Editor’s Note: The difference between the North Pole and the South Pole is probably not the main factual error in a conversation between a mutant alligator and a taxman.
Panel 6.
AGENT ORANGE: Even when they are not mauling schoolteachers, they and their “global-warming” puppets are opposed to the inhabitants of all warm climates!
Panel 7. A polar bear is in a university room somewhere, doing a professional-looking multimedia presentation about global warming. This includes a picture of a sad-looking polar bear perched precariously on a tiny iceberg. Make this look as endearing and heart-touching as possible.
AGENT ORANGE, narrating: Polar bears are a sack of lies and trickery. Any human would reject their nefarious schemes if he knew what they were really plotting.
Panel 8. The polar bear now looks sinister and villainous as he flips the white-board. Now it says “ALLIGATORS (AND HUMANS) ARE THE PROBLEM; POLAR BEARS ARE THE SOLUTION.”
Panel 9. Agent Orange looks very serious and concerned.
AGENT ORANGE: It’s not “global warming”! It is Florida-fication.
I think Agent Orange’s last line is a bit wordy, but I love the joke. I think you could probably shorten it to something like, “Global warming just means more room for alligators and humans!”
It was in progress, but I think I’ve resolved it now. (I had to post it in chunks because there was a picture involved and I had to make sure the link worked).
Ha, that’s pretty funny.
One grammar mistake: Panel 3, ‘a polar bear’, not ‘an polar bear’.
“AGENT ORANGE, to the polar bear: …you are a foe of freedom!”
I like this line a lot! Very funny.
Thanks, Tom. Good call.
“AGENT ORANGE: It is well-known that American alligators are enemies of terrorists, felons and crocodiles, but we have a new arch-nemesis!
AGENT BLACK: The sane?”
Haha. Did you see on the news about a woman who jumped into the polar bear habitat at Berlin zoo? I still can’t believe anyone would be so stupid. A girl once got her hand ripped open by a panda, and they aren’t even hostile most of the time!
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/800519/woman-attacked-by-polar-bear-in-berlin
Actually, that was what inspired me to use polar bears as Agent Orange’s Enemy of the Week. I used Canadian geese after a barrage of geese brought a plane into the Hudson.
Geese crashed a plane? The animals are conspiring! Abandon Earth! Haha.
Swine flu is especially dangerous to children, which proves that pigs hate kids. Also, there have still been no cases in gator country. This proves that alligators are an effective deterrent against pigs and other plague-bearing creatures.
B. Mac, I get such a kick out of your gator tangents. xD
I’m sending off my proposal to literary agents very shortly. The only thing that’s left is the title. I have some ideas, but I think they’re too long and boring. Also, my mind is seriously fried after writing eight pages of annotations for my table of contents.
Would you like to suggest a title? An ideal title would indicate that this is a funny and stylish book about how to write superhero novels and comic books. If I use your title in the query, I will give you a free, signed copy of my book when it is is published. If my publisher decides to actually publish the book with the title you propose, I will also provide an $100 Amazon gift-card and an acknowledgment in the book itself. Thank you! I really appreciate your assistance.
Here are some of the ones I’ve come up with so far. Feel free to draw on these if you would like.
1. How to Write Superhero Novels and Comic Books. Very straightforward but not too stylish. My target audience is 13-22 and I don’t think this will excite them.
2. You Don’t Need a Death Ray, But It Helps: How to Write Superhero Novels and Comic Books. The cover would show a supervillain holding a publisher’s assistant hostage with a death ray. This might be funny, but it only makes sense when you see the cover.
3. How to Write Superhero Novels and Comics Without Losing Your Mind. “Without Losing Your Mind” adds style, but I’m not sure it fits the mood as well.
4. How to Write Superhero Novels and Comics Without [Phrase]. I’m still thinking about what to fill in there.
“To the Gadgetnoun*! A Guide to Writing Superhero Comic Books and Novels.”
*Batnoun would work better, but I doubt you’d be able to use that.
I like #2, but I think there’s probably something out there that will be funny without seeing the cover too. I can’t think of it right now, though.
“You Don’t Need Superpowers to Save the World: How to Write Superhero Novels and Comic Books.”
“How to Write Superhero Novels and Comics Without Taking Over the World.”
Hmm. Somebody could probably come up with something much better. I’m not very good at titles.
hmm
1. Superheros the in’s and out’s
2 guide to the hero
3.the FAQ to heros
4.makeing your hero the best they can be
5. Hero guide FAQ
6. save the world with your hero
thats all i could come up with right now
Hmm. David, I like #1, but I’d probably tweak it to something like “The Ins and Outs of Writing Superhero Novels and Comic Books.” I think it describes my tone better than something formal like “How to Write Superhero Novels and Comic Books.”
“How to Succeed in Supehero Stories (Without Really Flying)”
what ever works best for you
“The Spandex Four One One”
Hmm, off the top of my head:
The Superheroes Bible: How to Write Superhero Novels and Comic Books
No Powers, No Glory: A guide to Writing Superhero Novels and Comic Books
Making Super-villains Cry
When/Making Superheroes Get the Girl
Since When Did Wearing Tights Become Cool?
I Wear A Cape to Bed
Capes and Tights Win You The Fight: Writing Superhero Novels and Comic Books
Unmasking Superheroes: A guide to Writing Superhero Novels and Comic Books
Unmasking the Superhero: A guide to Writing Superhero Novels and Comic Books
ummm
“Unmasking Superheroes: A Guide to Writing Superhero Novels and Comic Books”
I like this one. It’s just the right amount of information and wordplay.
(1) So you think you can create a superhero?
(2) A common man’s guide to superhero fiction
(3) How to build superheroes the marvel way!
(4) Superhero checklist – Things to remember when writing superhero fiction
you like ‘em?
Yea Ragged Boy, that was my fav. of the bunch. I definitely think some sort of word play on the word “mask” could be cool and marketable/relevant.
E.g. – Unmasking, behind the mask, under the mask, putting on the mask etc.
“How to build superheroes the Marvel way!” I’m not affiliated with Marvel Comics, so I think that might be a bit legally problematic.
“A common man’s guide to superhero fiction.” I find the phrase “a common man’s guide” intriguing here. It’s an interesting way to introduce that this is a relatable how-to guide. That said, I think it could be shortened to something like “Your Guide…”
Right now, I’m leaning towards a variation on one of Avi’s title, probably something like “Your Guide to Writing Successful Superhero Novels and Comic Books.” Alternately, I could replace the word “successful” with “publishable.” I like successful better because I think that the average 13-22 year-old writer is thinking more in terms of “I want to be a successful author” rather than merely “I want to be a published author.”
‘Fall or Fly’, with the tagline ‘the beginner’s (or definitive, or essential) guide to writing superhero novels and comics’
Agent Orange and Agent Black are looking through a one-way window at a suspect in an interrogation room.
1. We can see the suspect sitting down alone.
AGENT ORANGE: We need this miscreant to talk immediately! I do not understand why you have precluded waterboarding.
AGENT BLACK: We’ve already been over this. Simulated drowning is a very controversial practice.
2. Same shot as before.
AGENT ORANGE: Unlikely! My training included waterboarding. No one was complaining then.
3. Same shot as before.
AGENT BLACK: Last time I checked, you were an amphibian.
AGENT ORANGE: I fail to see how that is relevant!
4. Same shot as before.
AGENT BLACK: There has to be some better alternative.
AGENT ORANGE: Hah! We have already exhausted everything.
5. Now we’re seeing Agent Orange and Agent Black speaking from the other side. For the first time, we can see that there is a black box on the wall labeled “Break In Case Editor Won’t Let the Protagonists Use Waterboarding.” We cannot see what’s inside.
AGENT BLACK: Almost everything.
AGENT ORANGE: We should turn around more often!
6. Agent Orange begins to slice open the box.
7. This shot is taken from the perspective of inside the box. We see that there is some sort of book. We see a confused Agent Orange but not Agent Black.
8. Agent Black gives Agent Orange a skeptical look.
AGENT ORANGE: This is most curious! How did my poetry anthology get here?
AGENT BLACK: Your poetry anthology.
9.
AGENT ORANGE: Indeed! 600 pages of my finest work.
10. Agent Black is smiling darkly.
AGENT BLACK: Does it have the poem where you compare the love of your life to an Ebola outbreak?
AGENT ORANGE: My magnum opus!
11.
AGENT BLACK: Then I think it’s time for a reading. Please try to keep the screaming down.
I thought Agent Orange was reptilian, not amphibian.
Good call! Alligators are technically reptiles, not amphibians. (They’re different classes of vertebrates). However, Agent Black doesn’t have the scientific knowledge to make that distinction. I’m OK with him being incorrect once in a while– I think that will help make him less of a know-it-all Mary Sue.
Then shouldn’t Agent Orange correct him?
You might as well change it.
I didn’t know alligators were reptiles. I assumed they were amphibians. It makes sense, I guess.
I was thinking about it, but I decided that Agent Orange probably wouldn’t know the difference, either. So far, he’s been pretty consistently clueless when it comes to science. For example, check out his guide to animal life here.
1.
AGENT BLACK: I tried mailing you a package yesterday, but the Post Office couldn’t deliver it. They said your address was a sewer?
AGENT ORANGE: A sanitation conduit.
2.
AGENT BLACK: Is that what the broker told you?
AGENT ORANGE: Indeed! It even came with a pizza oven, but I haven’t been brave enough to try it yet. The previous tenants discovered that sanitation conduits contain many highly combustible gases.
3.
AGENT BLACK: Umm, have you ever thought about moving out? I hear New York has apartments.
AGENT ORANGE: On a government salary? Hah!
4.
AGENT BLACK: Prices have fallen recently. Also, living outside of a sewer will give you better reception for Gators games.
AGENT ORANGE: Intriguing! I will investigate further.
5.
NARRATION: Several weeks later.
AGENT ORANGE: Your alleged housing advice has made me surly!
AGENT BLACK: Oh?
6.
AGENT ORANGE: My broker, a wily and most duplicitous mammal–
AGENT BLACK, interrupting: Did you realize that before or after he claimed a sewer was a “sanitation conduit”?
7.
AGENT ORANGE, continuing through the interruption: –sold me a home in Greenwich Village.
AGENT BLACK: Hmm… that’s an interesting choice for a hippie-hating alligator.
8.
AGENT ORANGE: It is a sack of trickery and deceit. Even its name is a lie. It is as “green” as you are! My broker refuses to refund my money.
AGENT BLACK: I’m not quite seeing a false advertising case here.
9.
AGENT ORANGE: Hah! The courts have already proven deaf to my pleas. This is where you come in.
AGENT BLACK: I don’t like the sound of that…
[end scene]
question if Agent orange donst relise or know he is a reptiel how dose he know his broker is a mammel?
I think you’re reading too much into the amphibian joke. He knows he’s a reptile and explicitly refers to himself as a reptile on several occasions. However, like the average reader, he does not know that reptiles and amphibians are entirely exclusive. Most people assume that an amphibian is any animal that spends a lot of time in the land and water.
I’m sort of drawing on wacky comedies like Austin Powers and Zoolander and Real Ultimate Power here. I think it’s ok for a comedy to take major liberties with reality.
Ahh, my apologies. Carry on.
Will you ever finish the book you started writing? That is, after you’ve finished your nonfiction work.
I plan to return to my comic book. I’m not sure about the novel. In the next few years, I see my career goals as…
1. Get the nonfiction book published.
2. Use the nonfiction book to secure an editing position with a comic book publisher.
3. As an editor, I’ll pitch my comic book directly to the decision-maker.
Editors don’t make enough to cover student debt, so I’ll probably need to write nonfiction and/or comic books on the side. Probably not novels, though, at least not right away. They don’t pay well enough.
B. Mac, I’d like to be informed when the nonfiction book comes out. I would have used the submission thing, but you already have my name and email.
Oh, and did I mention how proud of you I am (I sound like a father)
. You’ve working very hard and it will all pay off when this book comes out. With the money I get from my job I should be able to buy a copy.
You frickin’ rock, B. Mac. Keep you the awesome work.
Slightly scary news, B. Mac. It seems that a recent issue of Green Lantern has created a character named Agent Orange, he’s a nonhuman, as well.
I don’t know what this could mean for Superhero Nation, but the name is probably DC owned now.
I can document my use of the name going back to 2005. DC’s reptilian Agent Orange was released in 2008. I’m not worried. (Even though DC has had another character named Agent Orange since 2001).
Aside from that, it’s best not to speak publically about potential lawsuits.
Hi, B. Mac. I was wondering… how can I be more articulate? I’ve been trying to help people with their comics or novels, but I struggle to give good advice. I just can’t seem to put it into decent words and sometimes I can’t think of good advice.
So, basically, how can I be more articulate? Also, when reading a manuscript, how do you decide what’s good and what’s not?
David said: “iv been trying to help people with there comics or novels but i struggel to give gd advice i just cant seam to put it in to desent words and sometimes i cant think of gd advice.” (Note: I’ve since edited the original).
My initial thought is that your ideas are fine and sometimes quite good, but the presentation is lacking (particularly the spelling, grammar and punctuation).
The good news is that your ability to offer advice will have very, very little effect on your career as a comic book writer. I think that your ability to analyze stories and suggest avenues for improvement only matters if you’re interested in becoming an editor or writing how-to guides.
The better news is that I think you’re analytically sound. In particular, I notice that one of your comments about superhero gadgets had a lot of good ideas. However, I think that people would take your advice more seriously if it had reasonably good grammar, spelling and punctuation. These mechanical elements are the most obvious sign of 1) writing ability and 2) careful thought.
Also, I think your suggestions might benefit from more description of the “why.” For example, I’d like to draw an example from your comment about gadgets: “One thing I would say about gadgets is that you should choose a few gadgets and keep them as is. Don’t have unnecessary gadgets that make only one convenient appearance. I think someone said Batman’s bad for doing this.” Why is it important to limit the number of gadgets? For example, you could mention that it’s hard for readers to keep track of many gadgets. Also, having many gadgets might cause you to use cheesy ones like shark-repellent.
When I’m reviewing a story, I rely mainly on…
1. My gut feeling. Do I like this story? If not, what’s rubbing me the wrong way? As much as possible, I try to focus on what I think an editor in this niche would care about. (For example, I hate romance stories but a romance editor certainly wouldn’t).
2. My assessment of the market. Would other readers want to read this story? Have similar stories sold well in the past? Can these success stories be duplicated?
3. If something isn’t working, which stories have tried something similar in a smoother fashion? (These might be in the same medium, but I look at movies and TV shows as well as novels and comic books. I find that movies and TV shows tend to be much more well-known).
This next scene is a comic take on “Reed Richards is Useless Syndrome,” the problem that comic book scientists can’t do anything with their talents but make spectacularly cool weapons. See Ironman, the Green Goblin, Batman, etc.
1. Catastrophe is in a boardroom, but we can’t see the businessmen yet.
CATASTROPHE: …we can generate cheap and clean energy, revolutionizing the global economy.
2. Catastrophe looks at the businessmen. They look intensely bored and one is sleeping.
3.
CHAIRMAN: It’s not what we’re looking for right now. Energy isn’t a growth market.
4. Catastrophe looks slightly annoyed.
CATASTROPHE: My discovery can also be adapted for agribusiness. We could triple the world’s food output.
5. The board looks even more bored. The chairman looks displeased.
CHAIRMAN: You’re missing the point. There’s no market for food.
CATASTROPHE (small text, off-panel): I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.
6. Catastrophe is exasperated.
CATASTROPHE: We could also use this process to create an inconceivably effective military powersuit. Customizable in red and purple.
7. The mood has changed completely. The businessmen are practically drooling in delight.
CHAIRMAN: With lasers?
CATASTROPHE: From stun to kill.
8.
CATASTROPHE: If the military ever asks whose product can vaporize an elephant from two miles away, we can counter “why settle for two?”
9. The businessmen are rapturous. This is easily the most impressive proposal they have ever heard.
10. The chairman excitedly offers his hand to Catastrophe, but Catastrophe isn’t shaking it yet. It’s ambiguous whether Catastrophe has declined to shake his hand or whether Catastrophe is just waiting.
CHAIRMAN: It will be an honor to work with you. I’m practically speechless.
CATASTROPHE, looking dubiously at the board: Likewise.
[end scene]. If I were interested in using this, I’d probably have to accentuate Catastrophe’s style and his sense of self-importance. Also, “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that” is a cliche line that could be replaced with something more flavorful.
Ha, very clever.
I think it would be funnier if you devoted a couple of lines to explaining the background to the ‘Reed Richards is Useless’ trope. I knew about it beforehand and I felt it made the joke funnier because I knew about it.
Didn’t I explain the trope in the first paragraph?
I think Tom means that the trope is only funny because you mentioned it in the first paragraph. People not familiar with it who will read the comic without the explanation might not find it as funny.
But I liked the build-up here. It was good enough that anyone familiar with the characters you mentioned, or anyone who’s watched Iron Man, will probably appreciate the joke.
“I think Tom means that the trope is only funny because you mentioned it in the first paragraph. People not familiar with it who will read the comic without the explanation might not find it as funny. ”
Oh, that makes sense. In the context of a comic book issue, I’d probably introduce this by having Catastrophe talk to some other super-scientists about why they aren’t working on anything that would have a noticeable impact on civilians.
Here are some sample responses.
DR. DARPA: My inventions tend to explode in spectacular fashions. The government finds that a positive.
DOC SAVANT: The Scientific Federation paid me to keep a low profile after the Squidzilla incident. They thought it would be best for the profession.
JACOB MALLOW: What’s wrong with cosmetics? [Cosmetics is the front for his villainous plot. Also, Jacob is the villain that creates Catastrophe by throwing someone in a vat of acid, but at this point in the story Catastrophe doesn't remember that.]
Squidzilla? Would that happen to be a Watchmen reference?
No, although I could easily see how it might look like a Watchmen reference. It’s more of an homage to the Munchkin card of the same name and a shot at Aquaman-type heroes. Squidzilla appeared in one of our sample chapters, “It Came from the Depths of Michigan.” My writing has gotten better, so I kind of hate to acknowledge those chapters, but if you’re interested you can see it here, I think.
1.
AGENT BLACK: Do you ever wear anything but sunglasses and a trenchcoat? It’s getting really old.
AGENT ORANGE: I am simply ahead of my time. It is well-known that everyone will be more badass in the future.
2.
AGENT BLACK: I find that very questionable.
AGENT ORANGE: Hah! The only question is this: how will my future badassery manifest itself?
3. Agent Orange has his back to Black, so we can see both faces here. Orange is excitedly in his own little world. Orange in the foreground, Black in back.
AGENT BLACK: Maybe you won’t use words like badassery and manifest in the same sentence.
AGENT ORANGE, ignoring Black: Perhaps I’ll get a real partner! (He is very excited).
4. A time-portal opens up. A decidedly badass version of Sammy the receptionist walks through. She has a plethora of killing implements strapped to her leather clothes. Use Trinity from the Matrix for a reference here.
SAMMY, into a communication device: Found him. He’s still alive.
5. Agent Black looks stunned.
AGENT BLACK: Sammy? The receptionist?
AGENT ORANGE, to BLACK: Told you.
6.
SAMMY: “Samantha,” if you want to stay alive.
7. A future version of Agent Orange steps out of the gate. He looks even more ridiculously cyberpunk than the Agent Orange of the present– he is now a cyborg mutant alligator. He is wearing a trenchcoat, as before, but instead of his business shirt he’s wearing another trenchcoat under it. (I’m not sure if we’d see it in this panel, but he has a katana slung on his back).
8. The two Agent Oranges are clearly excited to see each other.
BOTH AGENT ORANGES, to each other: Greetings!
Agent Black does a face-palm.
9.
PRESENT ORANGE, TO FUTURE ORANGE AND SAMMY: Your presence pleases me! In one fell swoop, the ratio of awesome to accountant has tripled.
FUTURE ORANGE: Fear not, past-me! He dies in a car-crash in ten minutes.
SAMANTHA: There wasn’t even enough residue to clone him.
10. Agent Black is in the background. The other three characters are in the foreground.
AGENT BLACK: What!?
PRESENT ORANGE: I always told him that he needed to work on his barrel-rolls.
SAMMY: Looking both ways before crossing into a semi might also have helped.
Ha, nice one.
The cult of Agent Orange is growing! Even dolphins talk like him now.
That last section is by far my favorite. Hilarious!
I want to meet future badass me now.
Hi, I have a random character-design question. I’m probably going to be mixing and matching different parts of these sketches to come up with what Agent Orange looks like. Do you have any favorite pieces? Please let me know.
I quite like the one that’s on the bottom row, second one in.
I really like the one on the bottom left, he looks badass, but I feel he looks a little too sinister to be Orange. I think top left is the best candidate, although he’s doing something weird with his mouth. I’ve gotten used to seeing Orange with horns as well. I could see the cartoony one on the far right in something like a drawing that Agent Orange made of himself.
I think it would help commenters if you numbered the drawings.
I think all of them have something that makes him look too… distinct. E.g. Bottom left, top left and top right look to dark, edgy and -dare I say it- surly, whereas middle top, bottom right and inbetween look too cartoony. That’s why I like middle bottom, he looks well-rounded. I know from what I’ve read Agent Orange isn’t a badass character, or an overly cartoony one.
Good point, RB! I think numbers will help a lot. However, I don’t have Photoshop, so please don’t hold these MS Paint numbers against me.
I like 6 then.
6 looks a bit surly. I think that would look great if the character were meant to look comically put-off. But that eye-shading might be an issue when the character is meant to look not surly. Also– and this might just be an angle problem because he’s glaring down at the viewer– but his forehead looks really large here.
5 looks like it will really come in handy if I ever do that scene where Agent Orange meets his future, more badass self. “What happened to your horns?” “I ripped them out in a dare.”
4 strikes me as a goofy, Simpsons-esque style. Like RB said, I could definitely see this as a drawing he does of himself.
3 is probably my favorite. I’d probably alter the eyes so that they look less moody, but I think that’s a minor fix. I’m not sold on the horns, but it would be very simple to put in small horns there.
2 looks a bit too much like a character from Sonic the Hedgehog. Too angular. Not likable enough. I don’t think it would have good expressive quality.
1 looks like concept art for a movie. “I know this character is supposed to be a mutant alligator, but he’ll be more likable if we make him look like a green rottweiler.” That appears to have been the logic behind the Eragon movie. Not effective.
7 just isn’t working. However, it does look like Bust a Move, which amuses me.
2 is actually a character from Sonic the Hedgehog. There is an alligator character. I forget his name though.
Vector? I’m really not a fan of how he looks. His head and neck are half-formed, he doesn’t have real shoulders or arm joints, etc.
Incidentally, the reference for #2 is a stylized version of Charizard from Pokemon.
1. Agent Black is hard at work, typing in his office.
2. Agent Orange bursts into the office. This surprises Black.
AGENT ORANGE: Greetings!
AGENT BLACK: Gah!
3.
AGENT ORANGE: I am pleased to report a scientific breakthrough about the mammalian character. I have discovered that hair is the source of every human woe!
4.
AGENT BLACK: Umm, fascinating. I am making my own breakthroughs into our caseload.
5.
AGENT ORANGE: Hah! My breakthroughs will make yours huddle in a corner and cry.
6. Agent Orange sets up the first of two posters.
AGENT ORANGE: The bald are famously friendly and patriotic.
(The posterboard shows a super-romanticized montage of hairless people and animals in patriotic and glorious poses. Please include Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr, American alligators, a bald eagle, Marines and a cancer patient).
7. AGENT ORANGE: Conversely, the hairy know nothing but villainy and lies.
He sets up a poster that makes hairy people and animals look cartoonishly evil. Make this funny. The poster includes Hitler, Stalin, hippies, a 1920s silent-movie villain with a handlebar mustache, John Wilkes Booth, Osama bin Laden, squirrels, the Unabomber and a hobo.
8. Agent Black is somewhere between speechless and mildly disturbed.
9. AGENT BLACK: Umm, I have hair.
10. Agent Orange encourages Agent Black here. (Like if someone admitted to a heroin addiction and was checking into rehab).
AGENT ORANGE: Acknowledging you have a problem is the first step to recovery.
Lol!
Try for panel 9 Black saying ‘wait’ instead of ‘what’ as if it’s just dawned on him.
Agent Black is working after-hours. Agent Orange reveals that he’s working on a comic book, a Punisher parody.
1.
AGENT ORANGE: I have a most pressing query! Should “face-ripping” have a dash? “Face-ripping” or “face ripping?”
AGENT BLACK: As in “to rip off a face”? What you could possibly need that word for?
2.
Agent Orange shows him a comic book cover with a regular alligator that’s wearing a blood-soaked t-shirt with a picture of an alligator skull on it. This is a parody of the Punisher. At the top the title says “THE FACE-RIPPING ADVENTURES OF… THE CASTIGATOR.” (Castigator is a synonym for punisher).
AGENT ORANGE: Because I didn’t have space for “THE ADVENTURES OF THE CASTIGATOR AS HE GOES ABOUT RIPPING OFF FACES,” dummy!
3.
AGENT BLACK: I have major concerns about this work. For one, the “protagonist” is an alligator and not even a mutant. He can’t talk.
AGENT ORANGE: Of course he can’t! Dialogue would only get in the way of the compelling revenge story and spine-shattering violence.
4.
AGENT BLACK: Uhh, ok. So this alligator needs to kill someone. How do you draw that out for an issue?
AGENT ORANGE: Mooks! One of my best innovations is a running body-count to help readers keep track of the story.
Ack! I have to go early.
B. Mac, did the e-mail with that other story idea get to you? Because I can’t find it in my sent box and I’m freaking out. (That e-mail took hours. D:)
No, I don’t think I received it. Did Hotmail save a draft of the letter? (I use Gmail, and it’s usually pretty good about that).
No, it didn’t. -sigh- It’s not in the drafts, sent file, anywhere. It’s totally gone. =/
Ack. My roommate once deleted 10,000 words of my writing a few days before I had a $5000 grant application due. Incidentally, that was one of the things that led me to do a writing website. Having my writing online makes it easier to recover lost material.
If you’d like to send an abridged version, we can work our ways back to what you had before.
I’m in the process of rewriting it on Word so I have it. It might be a couple of days, but I’ll send you what I had. I’m the kind of person who can’t abridge something. Hahah…
Hola, B.Mac, on my review forum I wrote a synopsis and wanted to know if you could post it for me. Also, can I join the review forum list?
1.
AGENT BLACK: I’m having trouble reaching Russell, our Diversity Compliance Officer. He’s listed in room 902, but that’s the daycare center.
AGENT ORANGE: Indeed! Rusty is four.
2.
AGENT BLACK: Umm… why do we have a four-year-old DCO?
AGENT ORANGE: Because our former DCO wouldn’t work for cookies.
3. The shot cuts away to a guy in a suit doing a really boring looking presentation. Use drab, sedate colors. The focus is on the audience, Special Investigations agents. No one is taking it seriously. Some are sleeping, etc.
AGENT ORANGE: Our sexual harassment series used to generate complaints…
4. The shot cuts away to an hectic and cheerful scene of OSI agents playing with their kids. There’s a sign that says Sexual Harassment Seminar, but this clearly has nothing to do with sexual harassment. (Captain Carnage’s kids are getting finger-paint on him, the lieutenant’s kids are in a Mexican standoff with a water pistol, Sammy is juggling knives, etc).
AGENT ORANGE: …but now it promotes family bonding! Combating sexual harassment has never been so exciting!
5. Agent Black looks mildly horrified.
6.
AGENT BLACK: That sounds like a really bad idea.
AGENT ORANGE: Your family-hating ways displease me!
7. Agent Black looks annoyed.
AGENT BLACK: What about the sexual harassment?
AGENT ORANGE: Even our receptionist juggles knives. If you’d like to test our sexual harassment security procedures, your tenure here will be even shorter than I had hoped.
“Your family-hating ways displease me!”
Haha, I love that.
I’m gonna go juggle knives.
Okay, I am now wearing an eyepatch, and had it killed me, I would have won a Darwin award. Haha. Nah, I’ve got some common sense. Running chainsaws are much more fun to juggle.
Yeah, I agree. I think version one looks a lot better, and on version two the eyes are mostly obscured, which I don’t really like. Now that you mention it, I’m not sure about the horns, either. I think that could make him look a bit dragon-ish.
Hmm. Instead of horns, what do you think about a sort of ridged spine starting at the back of the head? I’m not really sure. I do like version one as is, so maybe it doesn’t need too much tweaking.
Hmm. Could you provide a visual reference for the ridged spine? Something like Robbie had on Dinosaurs?
More character design stuff for Agent Orange. Here, I have three similar pairs of expressions. If you remember back when I was doing the initial concept work on Agent Orange, you’ll probably recognize these sets of drawings.
I focused on three common comedic situations for Agent Orange: aggressive punchlines, surliness, and excited exclamations.
(Please don’t worry too much that the expressions don’t match up entirely with the emotions implied by the dialogue).
Hmm. I think that version 1 (on the left) is much better. I had some misgivings about using a long jaw, but it feels effective here. Version two has a lot of issues, but the excited expression is particularly problematic.
What do you think? (I’m still wavering on the horns).
B. Mac, I e-mailed you that Chapter 1 I asked if I could send you like a month ago. See, this is my procrastination in action. Hahah~!
Anyway, it comes with a specific set of questions. The questions are more aimed at improving myself as a writer than at improving this chapter specifically, but I’m still hoping to improve this chapter.
You can take all the time you need, or send it to me in pieces (your impressions first, the questions later), or whatever you want. I realized after I reread it, right before sending it off, that it’s a lot to ask of an unpaid stranger.
As for Agent Orange (since I took the liberty of spamming you above, might as well be helpful), I always loved his horns. The bald head makes him look more… severe?
As for the two designs, I like the left one, but it seems to have only two emotions: Stern or I’M GONNA EATCHA. =/
I think he should definitely have horns. Without them, he looks a little strange, but that’s likely because I’m used to the horns.
I don’t think that both either excited expression makes AO look particularly excited. It reminds me more of someone who’s friendly, because his smile seems too gentle to be excitement. I don’t really have an idea of how to draw it, so my advice is probably useless, but maybe doing this with his mouth might make it look better. Okay, this example might be hard to interpret. The hyphen is the line of his mouth, and the bracket is his cheek.
-(
The cheek sort of puffs up; if you get what I’m talking about. Perhaps show more teeth, too. I suck at describing this sort of thing, haha.
I think the left one looks pretty darn excited. In an “I see my next meal” sort of way.
prehaps he can look exsited without opening his mouth
prehaps he could also decorate his horns with like chain fron his horn to his ear or wat ever something decotrive
Hmm. That is an interesting idea, David, but I’m a bit wary about over-accessorizing an unusual-looking character. I think it’s conventional to give unusual-looking characters simple clothes (like the TMNT) or nothing at all (most Pokemon). The rationale is probably that it’s easier to illustrate or less visually distracting.
In place of the horns, what would you think about something goofy like a baseball cap? I’d probably put the letters OSI on the front.
given the shap of his head id have to say no espeshaily if you want him to have horns
plus caps are rather common for most folk dunno about a bandana wat u think?
and you dont have to over accesorise just something simpel on the horns like a chain or even have them painted you know like some people paint there nails or some tribes paint there faces to look thretening why woundt he?
plus are you sure Alagaitors have horns?
The hat would be in lieu of horns.
Alligators don’t have horns. If I went with horns, I’d just explain that the mutagen caused some unusual changes. It wouldn’t be the first time we tweaked alligators to make for a better story. For example, Agent Orange sometimes sticks his tongue out, even though real alligators can’t. (Their tongues are stuck to the bottoms of their mouths). Particularly in a comedy, I think it’s important to only use the research as a starting point. 99% of readers don’t know anything about alligator tongues, so they won’t even know that I’m making it up.
im the 1% thats douse lol
hmm ok well if is a south amaricanm Alagaitor why not give him tribel war paint you could say hes trying to get in touch with his tribel south amaericn home
or just paint to look gd or leave him as is lol
Well, there are no alligators in South America. Alligators live naturally only in the southeastern US and bits of China. I wouldn’t be adverse to making something up if I thought it were effective, but the character is a fairly jingoistic American, so I don’t think South American roots fit him as well…
…
I think there are times when face-paint might be helpful. For example, I put Agent Orange in face paint when the Gators won football’s national championship last year. However, generally I’d like to keep the character’s look a bit more modern than war paint. That’s why he has a Matrix-like trenchcoat and sunglasses.
Just like D, heh (and I mean my character, not the new guy).
Anyways, I’m not sure what more I can suggest. Sorry.
Thank you, I appreciate that.
This is a scene in which Agent Black gets introduced to a few characters at the Office of Special Investigations.
Panel 1.
CAPTAIN CARNAGE, to Agent Black: Grim Trigger controls radiation.
GRIM TRIGGER: Reactor meltdown.
Panel 2.
CAPTAIN CARNAGE: … and Mike melts minds…
MIKE: Golfing during a thunderstorm.
Panel 3.
CAPTAIN CARNAGE: … and you’ve already met Agent Orange.
AGENT ORANGE: Superior training and conditioning.
Panel 4. Everyone stares skeptically at Agent Orange. No one thinks a mutant alligator’s powers really came from training and conditioning.
Panel 5. Agent Orange looks introspective. (He has a hand on his chin, etc).
AGENT ORANGE: I suppose the chemical spill didn’t hurt, either.
Hey B.mac sorry to bother ya but i have a question
how long is a featuer lenth movie and a short movie and how do you do movie scripts is it the same as a comic script?
Hey B. Mac, have you guys thought about like a Facebook/MySpace group?
I think a feature length film is usually 60-120 minutes. (According to Screenwriting.info, the average length of a script is usually on the shorter half of 95-125 pages long). The script is usually about a page long per minute of screentime. I’m having trouble finding a range on shorts. Pixar’s shorts are usually around 5 minutes in length. I’m not familiar with the market for shorts, so I don’t know what is typical.
In terms of formatting, I’d imagine that there are high-quality websites out there that can provide useful information. Screenwriting.info looks pretty good, but I don’t have the screenwriting expertise to actually evaluate the information. It looks credible.
Again, this is a mostly uninformed intuition, but I suspect that screenwriting is even more freakishly competitive than writing novels or comic books. Publishing a novel or a one-shot comic book costs a publisher tens of thousands of dollars. I suspect that any movie that people would pay to see would require a drastically larger budget.
Hello, ShardReaper. I’ve considered doing a Facebook or MySpace page, but I can’t think of stuff to fill it with.
For example, our DeviantArt page includes a massive collection of the best comic book art we’ve found on DA, a portfolio of our concept art, some miscellaneous comedy, etc.
I’m not sure what I’d do with a MySpace or Facebook page. When I have a book to promote, I could use it to remind readers where/when my events will be. (“This is how you get to the Barnes and Noble… bring a friend!”) Unfortunately, I don’t have a book to promote yet.
What sort of things could I do with a Facebook/Myspace page that I’m not doing here?
I’m going to say here and now that I hope we don’t get a Facebook/Myspace page. That’s one thing I like about SN, it has more dignity than Facebook and most definitely more dignity than Myspace.
Speaking of dignity, it definitely pleases me that no one has brought up Twitter.
Twitter would be more respectable than Myspace or Facebook. >_>
No Myspace. I don’t know much about Twitter, but it seems pretty well liked.
Hola, B. Mac. Miss me? I’m not back for good just yet, but I’ll be around for a bit. So, what’s new? How’s progess on the non-fiction novel?
I think Twitter works pretty well at what it does, but it probably gathers a different readership than what I’m looking for. I suspect that readers that are most interested in super-short posts (fewer than 25 words) are probably not that interested in books about writing.
On the other hand, it may be an effective way to give out links to prospective readers. “I just wrote an article about [X]. Check it out here!”)
Hey, BM. Quick question.
In my story, my characters are in a small shipping village. They need to get across the waters. And I’ve also had two of them change outfits because it’s more suitable. Now, can I have them ask a captain to take them over but he agrees only if they do a task for him? Like get back something bandits stole… or is that too much like a video game?
Also, I want Cara to start learning new magic skills, but I don’t know how to get that to come up in convo. One idea I have is that she tries to buy a sword and Mist says no because once she’s taken a life, there’s no going back for that, so she decided to work on her magic instead. I want her to work on a seal called the Grand Seal, the most powerful and difficult seal. Her thought is that if she can learn that, she can learn other spells without any trouble. So should I have her go straight for that spell or learn some weaker spells first?
The idea of fetching the item that the captain lost is okay, but I’d recommend keeping it short… editors (and some readers) will know that it’s padding.
I’d recommend starting with minor spells and working her way up. If she learns the powerful one early, then readers might react adversely when she learns weaker ones later. “Why is she wasting my time on this if she already has a spell that’s better?” Also, starting out with weaker spells and then progressing to stronger ones is one way to show her developing as a wizard.
Padding is when the author tries to stretch out a plot with stuff that doesn’t matter.
ah right what if i use the time to develope the chraters and there relashinhip? or in Cara’s case her spells as well as relshiniships
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DressedInLayers
I was surprised they didn’t have it already.
Hey! Remember to review chapter 3.
Got it. Thanks for waiting, Yogi.
hey B.mac quick question
if a chraters pet/ best friend dies in front of them how often should i say how she misses him, even if its just at night when there tucking in to bed
coz there must be a limit before readers go “ok i get it you miss them thats enough”
so is once or twice ok
Panel 1. Agent Black and Agent Orange happen across an apparently abandoned baby in a park.
Panel 2. Agent Black points at some people 20 or 30 feet away.
AGENT BLACK: Leaving a baby alone is really dangerous! I’ll ask if they know whose kid that is.
Panel 3. The baby stares at Agent Orange and cries. (AO does look a bit frightening, after all). In the background, we see Agent Black running towards the people. Make this look heroic, sort of like Jack Bauer running into a building.
AGENT ORANGE: Little human, there is no reason to cry! Being tailless is admittedly a handicap, but even Agent Black strives daily to overcome his lack of awesomeness.
Panel 4. Agent Black’s foot gets caught on a branch.
Panel 5. Agent Black trips horribly, accidentally grabbing a woman as he tries to catch his balance.
Panel 6. The baby cries some more and Agent Orange looks on in grim-bemusement as several women beat at Agent Black with their purses.
WOMAN, in the background: Pervert!
AGENT ORANGE, to baby: Perhaps some tears are in order.
Agent Orange is struggling to come up with a suitable origin story for Agent Black. (AB doesn’t actually have superpowers, but he wants to keep up appearances).
Panel 1.
AGENT ORANGE: I’ve got it, Agent Black! You were a useless accountant until you had a chemical accident…”
Panel 2. Sammy the receptionist bursts in the room.
SAMMY: “Legal just called. Stan Lee’s on the line, and he’s pissed.”
Panel 3. AGENT ORANGE: Or your supersoldier project went horribly awry… because of Nazi assassins!
SFX: beep beep beep
Panel 4. Agent Orange uses his pager. The message says “KEEP TRYING– LEGAL.”
Panel 5. Agent Orange is getting rattled.
AGENT ORANGE: “You held an occult ritual… with tantric sex… as you overdosed on LSD!”
SFX: beep beep beep
Panel 6. Agent Orange uses his pager and we see him getting seriously surly.
Panel 7. He throws the pager against the wall.
AGENT ORANGE: Gah! What the hell is Wild Cards?
If I remember correctly, didn’t the super soldier project go fine until the Nazi assasin killed the guy in charge? That is to say, it didn’t go horribly awry?
/nitpick
They have since retconned it as a Tuskegee-type sinister experiment.
Of course, retcon. How could I forget?
Memo to self for Agent Orange’s next enemy of the week skit: dogs! A baby was abducted out of its crib by a family dog. “She was part of the family… we stepped downstairs for just two minutes.”
“Any chance you’ll keep other dogs at home?” “Oh yeah. We’ve got a black lab.” “is that safe?” “Yeah.”
Other random AO-related notes. ABC News reports: “Exposure to Agent Orange may be linked to heart disease.” And awesomeness, notes Agent Orange. And workplace murders, adds Agent Black.
Awww…that’s sad. I love dogs and never really want to believe that they’re bad. Cats…cats are the evil ones…they just have this look. *Shudders*
I love Agent Orange and Agent Gary…reminds me reading Peanuts and Calvin and Hobbes. I should probabaly say something else…but, I’ve never been much good at constructive critism. I’ll say it’s funny and if a comic ever comes out starring them, I’d buy it
I think the baby will be okay eventually, BK. So that’s good…
Thanks for your encouragement. Calvin and Hobbes is definitely the feel I’m going for. (Even though I am not really a fan of cats).
I honestly hate to sound naggy, but I posted basic info about my superheros and ideas on my forum…so it’d be great to get advice on what I have.
And Hobbes isn’t a cat 
hehe, well, he is…but, I’ve decided I dun consider tigers cats 
Because both Hobbes and Tigger are cats and they both rule 
*Are tigers, I mean
I read most of the scenes here in the review forum. I have one word for you B. Mac, BRILLIANT.
I just had this idea of a scene between Agent Orange and Agent Black. Can I post it here or not?
Thank you. Sure, go for it.
Thank you very much and I hope you like it.
Agent Black has just finished eating his hotdog, but he has a piece of meat stuck between his teeth and struggles to get it out.
- Agent Black: “Do you have a toothpick?”
- Agent Orange: “Who needs a toothpick” and opens his mouth wide and a bird hops right in cleaning his alligator teeth.
He then snaps his snout shut.
- Agent Orange: “…especially after a small snack” and uses the bird’s foot as a toothpick.
Agent Black just has this look on his face.
***
Ok the other scene is about Agent Black trying to guess the origin of Agent Orange.
There are references that I hope you’d like.
- Agent Black: “Let me guess you were in the sewers and then there was this toxic spill and…”
- Agent Orange: “I’m not a turtle or a filthy rat for crying out loud!”
- Agent Black: “Could it be that you were a surgeon who had his arm amputated and…”
- Agent Orange: “Don’t even compare me to that Alligator Wannabe!!!”
- Agent Black: “I give up; tell me your story then”.
- Agent Orange: “My father was a Crocodile Hunter and well he was Drunk that night and…”
Agent Black starts to throw up.
- Agent Orange: “instead of feeding me ketchup, it was some sour radioactive stuff”.
I really liked the first scene. Using the bird’s foot as a toothpick was clever follow-up. (But nasty!)
Well I hope this isn’t too much.
In this scene Agent Black and Agent Orange break into a house and find a dead man having his face in the spaghetti that he was eating.
- Agent Orange: “That’s just sick!”
- Agent Black: “yes I know”.
- Agent Orange: “I mean look at this…” he picks up a bottle of ketchup from the floor “…what a waste of delicious ketchup”.
They then start to search the place looking for evidence.
Agent Orange searches in the wardrobe. He then falls to his knees in shock.
- Agent Black: “Did you find something?”
Agent Orange shows him what he found.
- Agent Black: “So what about these shoes?”
- Agent Orange: “Can’t you see they are made out of my relatives?”
- Agent Black: “I’m sorry, but Calm down now!”
- Agent Orange: “I can’t… Where are the Alligators Agitators to witness this Atrocity? I hope he didn’t enjoy his last meal…that ketchup wasting croc sucker”.
B. Mac, Could you review my forum?
Yeah, Brainstormer. I’m sorry; I came down with a serious case of the flu today.
I hope you get well soon.
Hiya B.Mac !
I was wondering, do you have an article about how to self publish and if not, would the website use one if I wrote it up for all the members? I have a ton of resources from when I ran a publishing company, I would love to help out.
Hmm. I’d be interested in posting an article from you, but I don’t think that one about how to self-publish fits our audience very well. Our audience is largely between the ages of 13-22, so financial constraints make self-publishing implausible for most of them. Also, self-publishing is not a good idea for first-timers.
Could I encourage you to try one on submissions or art instead? Here are some sample ideas if you’d be interested.
Submissions. If you evaluated submissions when you ran a publishing company, could I encourage you to try one about the submissions process instead? What sort of tips would you offer to prospective writers about how to get accepted?
Art. What are some of the most common artistic stumbling blocks for a submission? How would you recommend that a comic book writer find an artist? What are some of the artistic features that separates a mature applicant from an amateur? (Panel variety, a variety of camera angles, use of depth, etc).
OK- I read your thread on why not to self publish. Its mostly correct,imo. Its a lot cheaper than one might think,less than 500$ in most cases. At least to get on amazon. I can buy 10 ISBN#s for less than 300$ and generate my barcodes for just a few dollars. If you can provide your own artwork, then all you lose is time on that part. I totally see your point on how it may not be for the inexperienced. You have to have some kick ass work to get it sold. Since I wasnt in editing, specifically an acquisitions editor, I cant really advise on how to get it past them. I can however write something up on how to present your artwork. The company I was running published Magic/occult books primarily. It was a small(super small) company that did a lot of reprints of rare esoteric books and books that were ready to go but neded a publisher. My experience with large publishing houses, especially comics, were nearly impossible to get your own whole work into. Basically they just seem to want people to work on current titles as inkers, pencilers , colorists,etc. Someone like me who can code a website for free, do artwork for free,promote for free and has printing contacts- I just need to get the story writing flowing smoothly and the rest is just time and about 5oo bucks.
Should I just make a comic label and publish all you guys myself? lol
Hey Bmac, wanted to get your opinion on something. The thought has recently crossed my mind that I may have too many characters in my story…I don’t know if there’s such a problem, but I imagine there is.
My thoughts on the matter are conflicting. There is an argument for and against…I was hoping you could settle the dispute with myself
Argument For: Since the book is to describe a Superhero world, is it not important to build a WORLD and not a small box? The World is filled with BILLIONS of people, and although such a world can’t be built in a novel (billions of people are hard to write) one must strive to fill the world with characters that are individuals yet play a role.
As such, a novel can have many characters in it as long as they are used PROPERLY. Having two characters play the foil to another is a waste of space, unless they play the foil differently.
Argument against: How long do you expect your readers to read about Ingrid when she’s the second cousin of the Superhero and barely has any impact on the story? The more characters you put in there the more diluted things get. Focus on what matters: The Hero and The Villain. Sure, we may need Thug A and Thug B, but they’ll get killed off anyway (duh, they’re thugs). Sure, we may need Commissioner Smith and deputy Bob, but really, how much help will they be? Do we need to know about Deputy Bob’s wife, Becky? Do we care about their dog Fluffy?
NO. Less is more, right? Don’t create more characters then you need-really, there’s only two ways they’ll end; the delete button or a cliche’ death.
Question:So, ideas? Should a Superhero novel, the first in the series, strive to build a the foundation of the superhero world by introducing a wide array of characters or should it focus strictly on the story and create what’s needed for that?
Any thought you could provide would be helpful. Thanks in advance.
Hmm. I have not seen many independent superhero stories that have successfully introduced many characters. Generally, the enormous superhero worlds– namely, the Marvel and DC universes– introduced and developed characters gradually until there were many well-established characters.
An independent story that tries to build a cast that can compete with something like the Justice League will probably fail because it doesn’t have the time to develop a huge cast. In contrast, a story like Justice League can work in a sprawling cast because most of the characters are already familiar to most readers. Independent stories have to build the characters’ personality, relationships, maybe the origin stories, and powers from the ground up. As the amount of characters increases, the likelihood of any character standing out in a positive way decreases dramatically.
However, I’d like to focus on two examples of large-cast independent stories with large casts that strike me as mostly smooth.
–Wild Card. This series of novels was interesting because it didn’t have a main character. It wasn’t even centered on a single team (unlike, say, the Avengers). One of the reasons that I feel this was effective for Wild Cards was that the first novel is set up as a string of mostly self-contained short stories. For the most part, the reader doesn’t have to remember the characters that showed up 20 or 40 pages ago because they’re already out of the story. Although the characters don’t overlap much from one short story to the next, the plot events do.
Also, Wild Card has a huge advantage that helps it come up with distinct voices and personalities for a slew of characters: each of the short stories is written by a different author.
–Heroes. The writing for this series was wildly uneven. But I think that it handled a large cast remarkably well over the first season. The plotting smoothly escalated until the climax (the defeat of Sylar). Also, the mass-origin (genetic mutations) helped reduce the amount of description for each character. If you have 10 heroes and each of them developed their powers in a different way, it would be nightmarishly tricky to describe each origin.
However, generally speaking, I think it’s easier for a TV show to throw in new characters and introduce them quickly. Being able to show characters visually helps readers remember them. In contrast, a novel with a ton of characters will probably confuse some readers. “Wait, which guy is that supposed to be?”
It does make sense. I myself haven’t read Wildcards, but I can see that with the story structure as you describe it, it does make it far easier for a large cast of characters.
Heroes also is a show I watched, at least for the first year. After that it got kinda crazy for me…but I can understand the example.
So, the next question would have to be, how many characters are too many?
6? 12? Is there a guideline out there to establish how many characters are acceptable in a Superhero origin novel?
If you’re doing a story about a superhero team like the Avengers, I think four is fine. Five is a bit tight and will probably cause you to neglect some of the characters. If the main group is larger than five, I’d recommend having the group regularly split up into smaller teams so that the fight scenes aren’t bogged down by a huge cast.
That will also help you limit the amount of relationships you have to build. If characters A, B, and C work together a lot and D, E, and F work together on their own, then readers probably won’t care about what characters A and E think about each other. That’s helpful because six characters in two groups of three only have six relationships (A-B, A-C, B-C, D-E, D-F, and E-F). In contrast, if the six characters see each other all the time, then you have fifteen relationships to deal with.
…
If you’re doing a setup like Wild Cards, where you have a bunch of characters that don’t work together a lot and disappear after performing a particular role, you can probably go higher than five. For example, the first Wild Cards book featured 11 characters in their own short stories. For a first-time author thinking about something similar, I’d recommend eight lead characters at the most. (For one thing, it’ll be harder for a single author to come up with distinct voices and personalities for each new character).
While I realize the question was directed at B. Mac, I think it is worth noting that no matter what your intended product is, any piece of literature is related to themes or elements within your work can be education regardless of if folks happen to have a habit of tossing cars about.
The majority of the works by Stephen King handle a large cast, including switching perspectives very well, but Needful Things and The Stand are particularly excellent examples, in fact, in regards to what you’re talking about, I’d say that The Stand is required reading for even contemplating such a thing. Stephan King has always been a highly skilled and talented author, but his magnum opus is The Stand, and from the bloody start to the strikingly bleak ending, he deftly controls and speaks with a unique voice for each character as they are led to their ultimate end.
A horror writer that only knows horror literature is never going to be as capable as one that has studied outside his field or genre of choice.
“A horror writer that only knows horror literature is never going to be as capable as one that has studied outside his field or genre of choice.”
That’s probably true. However, I’d recommend keeping an especially close eye on the books inside your field/genre because they’ll probably make better references if the publisher asks for similar works.
Hey, B. Mac, quick question.
I’ve thought of this new character, Blake. He’s a warrior. His blade is called the Rever and he’s the Rev Master.
His blade handle is in two segments joined together; each side of the segment controls an element to a small degree (wind, earth, fire, water). You have to take the handle apart and reattach it to use the element and turn the handle like you do on a bike or Rev it up, as it were.
Now my question is that the Rever is a living sword and it talks in noises that sound like a bike engine, that only the Rev Master can understand. Would I be able to say what it’s saying and still not have other people not understand it?
More character design stuff. Six sketches on Catastrophe. After Catastrophe, then I just need to do Marty Stull (the OSI director) and maybe Gridley (the Navy SEAL) and that should be sufficient for the main cast.
So, what do you think about these Catastrophe shots?
Personally, I like 2 and 4 the most. I may not be the best critic though as I dont really prefer overly cartoony styles. #3 isnt too bad either as a happy medium perhaps.
Also is there any way you can post this pic in my review forum?
((http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a252/Mitzelplik/Witchfork-1.jpg)) all you need to add is the bracketed IMG tags….and lose the ))’s
Thanks- that way everyone can see her character concept….
B.Mac, why does Agent Orange have horns if he’s an alligator (mutant alligator … but still ) I commented on one of your deviantART pics.
But I couldn’t remember if he was supposed to be an alligator or what and was randomly really confused about why he had horns. >.>
It twas a cool drawing though.
I like #2. And maybe #4 but not so much. The rest look a little too cartoony and kinda goofy (or TOO goofy if you wanted it to be kinda funny?). Well, #3 looks really, really creepy to me, as well as #5. #3 definitely has The Stare down well.
This isnt agent orange, its a character named Catastrophe, I believe.
I’m leaning towards #3 for Catastrophe– not particularly good, but the most workable of the six. He’s the only one that I could envision delivering snarky humor. Also, #3 feels like it would be the most stylistically consistent with Agent Orange and Agent Black.
I’m a bit concerned that he looks creepy, but it’s probably less of an issue for Catastrophe than it would be for Agent Black or Agent Orange. For one thing, he doesn’t show up nearly as often and, unlike Agent Black, he isn’t meant to be relatable.
Honestly I’m not too fond of any of them. But if I had to choose I’d go with number 5.
I know, Carson.
I just switch subjects rather quickly …
“B.Mac, why does Agent Orange have horns if he’s an alligator?”
Not to answer for B. Mac, but I think it’s been explained as having been a way to detract from the plainness that would come from a bald head, such as a hairless reptilian creature would have. Biologically, I’d say it also makes sense in story, in that they could simply be two particularly large scutes, which his new biology deemed necessary, perhaps in a decorative way or for combat purposes.
Yeah. Horns are one way to make sure that the top of his head doesn’t look too empty. For example, the mutant crocodilian on TMNT (Leatherhead) had two symmetrical row of spines. Jake Long had a mane. Spyro and several other dragon characters use horns. A hat or some other headgear might also suffice.
Tentatively, I’d like to try solving the problem by shrinking his forehead. The smaller his forehead is, the less likely it is to look something like this. Lex Luthor’s eyes are only 43% of the way up his head. That looks weird.
Agent Black’s eyes are centered at 50% up. In contrast, Agent Orange’s are currently about 60% up. That’s higher than a human’s eyes would be normally, but I think it’s an effective way to cover for his lack of hair. Also, it looks more or less believable for an alligator. (They do have very long, flat heads).
Oooh.
Yes, but contrarily, many of the people who make a ton of money are total jerks and/or completely empty irl so I’d rather stay the way I am. Just in case. ^^
Hey B.Mac -
Just dropping in to let you know I responded to your crit of my chapter. There are some questions in there also. It says my comment is awaiting approval by a mod. Is this normal or did I get myself in trouble?
Awaiting approval by a mod… Okay, I’ve put it through. I’m not sure what the issue was. Maybe the HTML? (We use greater-than signs and less-than signs rather than brackets here).
Oh ok- I was trying to bold it for easy reading. LOL- I thought I got myself in trouble somehow already….eeek!
Hello. After reading Evil Editor’s take on my book query, I revised and resubmitted it. What do you think?
…
Dear [Agent's Name],
I’d like to sell a fun and informative book about how to write superhero novels and comic books. Don’t Forget the Death-Ray! would be aimed at readers aged 13-18.
My main writing credential is that I run Superhero Nation, a writing advice website that has had 175,000 readers in the past two years. My audience includes a sizable cohort of dedicated readers. 18,000 readers have been to my website more than 25 times, including 9000 that have visited more than 100 times. These dedicated readers probably represent a substantial amount of sales. According to a reader-survey, 56% of respondents said that they would definitely or probably buy my book. Only 14% said that they were definitely not or probably not interested.
I attribute this success to a writing style that is very teen-friendly.
I’ve completed a manuscript 50,000 words long. I’ve included a copy of my table of contents. Please let me know if you would like me to send the complete proposal. I can be reached at [email address] or [phone number]. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Yours,
[my name]
Table of Contents
1. Are You Writing a Comic Book or a Novel?
2. Heroes.
3. Villains, Thugs, Politicians and Other Lowlifes.
4. “It’s Time For You To Die,” He Explained: A Guide to Superpowered Dialogue.
(The table of contents goes on for another 2 pages).
I was wondering if I could publish a story about what not to do with supporting characters. Is that cool?
The concept sounds good, but I’d like to see a writeup before committing myself to running it. Could you e-mail me 250-500 words at superheronation[at]gmail[dot]com ? Thanks.
Agent Orange would not approve of this advertisement. As if we needed any more evidence that polar bears are human-hating ecoterrorists and women-eating foes of freedom.
This is the scene where Agent Black meets Agent Orange for the first time. It starts with Agent Black in the Special Investigations lobby on his first day of work.
PAGE ONE.
Panel 1. Agent Black frowns at a prominent sign that says…
WELCOME, VISITORS. DO NOT PROCEED WITHOUT ID TAG– YOU WILL BE SHOT. Fine print: (And/or immolated, irradiated and disintegrated as necessary).
HAVE A PLEASANT DAY.
—THE OFFICE OF SPECIAL INVESTIGATIONS TEAM
Panel 2. Agent Black sits down at a chair near the corner. He’s holding a book and briefcase.
Panel 3. He starts reading his book. The title is “Surviving in a New Workplace.”
Panel 4. We’re reading the same page he is. It’s a mushy list of tips for the first day.
Panel 5. Agent Black tries rehearsing his introduction.
Note: this should be from the same camera-angle as panels 6-7, where Agent Orange lowers himself upside-down from the ceiling and surprises him from behind. Part of the surprise is that Agent Black is sitting in a place where he should be able to see anyone coming.
AGENT BLACK: Hello. Handshake. I’m Agent Black, your new partner. I’m very enthusiastic about this new position.
Panel 6. Same shot. However, this time, we see Agent Orange upside down right behind Agent Black. He’s lowering himself down from the ceiling on a rope, ninja-style. Agent Black does not notice.
AGENT BLACK: Although I did not investigate any violent crimes at the IRS, I’m a fast learner and I’m eager to take the next step in my career.
Panel 7. Still upside down, Agent Orange taps a claw on Black’s shoulder. Make Agent Black look a bit confused to show that he feels it. He’s definitely not expecting a tap given that he’s sitting in a place where people shouldn’t be behind him.
Panel 8. Agent Black turns around and sees Agent Orange hanging right behind him.
AGENT ORANGE: Greetings, partner!
PAGE TWO.
Panel 1. Awkward silence. Agent Black looks like he’s in shock – he’s never seen a nonhuman before, the entrance was surprising, Agent Orange looks kind of disorienting upside down, etc. Agent Orange is trying to look welcoming but an upside-down smile from a predator is still kind of creepy.
Panel 2. This is an imagined panel where Agent Black acts in an entirely professional and idealized way. He looks poised and confident.
(Narrator): WHAT HE MEANT TO SAY:
AGENT BLACK: I’ve never worked with a mutant alligator before, but I’m excited to be a part of the team.
Panel 3. This is the actual version of the idealized panel 10. Instead of being poised and confident, he’s shocked and inarticulate. Agent Orange looks annoyed by Agent Black’s gaffe here.
(Narrator): WHAT HE ACTUALLY SAID:
AGENT BLACK: You, uhh, aren’t human.
AGENT ORANGE: You are a fast learner. (Possible alternate line: Your visual acuity is uncanny).
Panel 4. Agent Black looks really embarrassed. He realizes that his foot is in his mouth.
AGENT BLACK: Err, that didn’t come out right. Would you like to introduce yourself?
AGENT ORANGE: Friendly and violent, yes. Human, no. I’m Agent Orange.
Panel 5. Agent Black is taken aback by that name. (He gets the Vietnam reference, obviously).
AGENT BLACK: That’s a very, uhh, interesting name.
AGENT ORANGE: And fitting! Like my namesake, I am helpful and probably human-safe.
Panel 6.
AGENT BLACK: Probably?
AGENT ORANGE: Tests are inconclusive.
Okay, that’s the script. What do you think?
Some other miscellaneous possibilities that I haven’t worked in yet:
–AGENT ORANGE: You have not yet offered me a crisp and firm handshake! (Or perhaps something like “I find your handshake neither crisp nor firm!” if they do attempt one).
–At some point, Agent Orange should probably get off the rope and start talking in an upright position. That would probably be a good opportunity for an acrobatic move but I don’t want to spend too much space on that.
I think I like the “your visual acuity is uncanny” better than “you are a fast learner.” It sounds more alien and unusual. xD, I absolutely love Agent Black’s little rehearsal, and the sign in the lobby.
The acrobatic scene… maybe he could just do a little flip or something? Maybe Agent Black watches him out of the corner of his eye… that could maybe be another opportunity for him to put his foot in his mouth, if he says something like ‘I didn’t know mutant alligators were that flexible’ and AO is offended.
Hmm. I’d recommend looking at characterization and how to make the opening gripping/exciting/inviting.
Hmm, I like these two pages. I think the jokes are way more solid on the second page. As opposed to the first page in which they feel a bit too cartoony. I’m interesting in seeing Orange hang upside down. (Did I mention that I bought a menagerie of orange clothing this summer).
Overall, I like it, but I don’t love it. I’m not really feeling the wow factor, but I still think it solid and ultimately serves its purpose?
I agree that the second page is significantly more humorous. I think that’s because the second page is much older and more developed than the first page. (The second page came pretty much straight out of my webcomic, so I’ve had it lying around for about a year). In contrast, I cobbled together the first page a few days ago. It’s still pretty much a rough draft.
After a bit of rewriting and polishing, I think the first page will become as funny as the second.
For the record, I still vote ‘eviscerate’. Just sayin’. ;D
Panel 1.
AO to AB: The central failing of modern literature is that it fails to provide children contemporary morals.
AB: Umm, what did you have in mind?
Panel 2.
Agent Orange pulls out a picture book.
Panel 3.
NARRATOR: Five minutes later…
(AO is finishing the story and AB looks absolutely horrified).
AO: And that’s why you should tie your shoes before going on an escalator!
Panel 1.
AO: I am surly! There were sprawling protests and counterprotests today.
AB: Umm, yeah, Congress is discussing a new gun law. Guns-rights advocates argue that there should be fewer restrictions on the right to self-defense, and gun-control supporters argue that guns are not safe in private hands.
Panel 2.
AO: Alligator supporters demand that human protesters not cause alligators to be late to work!
Panel 3.
AB: (facepalm)
AB: Yeah, well, this is sort of a big deal for anyone that isn’t bullet-proof and born with claws.
AO: Perhaps if humans were not naturally weapon-deficient, this wouldn’t be an issue.
Panel 4.
(Agent Black is getting flustered.)
AB: Regardless, it is really important. It’s sort of like claw control. But for guns.
Panel 5.
(Agent Orange looks shocked and horrified by the prospect of claw control– he’s speechless).
Panel 6.
AO: Nefarious!
I still love the first one. So did Beau, actually, he cracked up.
Hey B.mac dont worry this is my last ghost post (hmm ghost post sounds like a book titel lol)
anyways im just posting because i found this link
http://www.writersworkshop.co.uk/lookingforpublishers.shtml
it has a comparising list between self-publishing and Commercial publishing
i thought you and the rest of the people here might find it intresting and helpful
anyways later
Panel 1.
Agent Orange: In addition to my preexisting super-awesomeness, I have acquired another wildly helpful superpower!
Agent Black, under his breath: I’m holding out hope for supersanity.
Panel 2.
Agent Orange pulls out something that looks like a garage-door opener.
AO: No, dummy.
AB: Umm, I don’t think that a garage-door opener counts as a superpower.
Panel 3.
AO looks shocked/outraged. (Comically over the top)
AO: It is no such thing! It is a portable temporary light-disabling device.
Panel 4.
AB, in disbelief: You can turn off the lights.
AO: Indeed! Once every twenty-two hours, I can turn any room pitch-black for three seconds. This opens up vast new universes of strategic possibilities!
Panel 5.
AB: Three seconds of darkness is completely useless.
AO: False! Your baseless slur proves only your ignorance of alligator rapidity.
Panel 6.
AB, repeating himself in disbelief: Three seconds.
AO: I could disarm a terrorist. Or disleg a terrorist. Or use one terrorist to kill another! The possibilities are infinite.
Panel 7.
AB: You are absolutely—
Agent Orange clicks the button.
SFX: Click!
Panel 8. The panel is completely black, except for the sound effect of Agent Orange slapping Black.
SFX: Kapow!
Panel 9. We see Agent Black from the back. He’s got a confrontational pose. (Small detail—Agent Orange is holding a marker in his hand. This should not be obvious at first glance).
AB: What the hell!? Did you just slap me?
AO: Perhaps! We’ll never know now, will we?
Panel 10. This is a close-up of Agent Orange putting away his marker. Agent Black doesn’t see the marker, so make sure that it looks like he’s putting it away in a sly fashion.
Panel 11.
Agent Black storms off, towards the camera. On his forehead, we can see DUMMY written in big black marker. In the background, we see Agent Orange giving a goofy face behind AB’s back to celebrate his victory.
I really like this one, but I’m not sure about the ending. It feels like a bit of a let-down, because I thought the other panels were absolutely hilarious. Also, I was initially confused. “Wait a minute, did AO just punch Black? Is he allowed to do that? And why does Black have DUMMY written on his forehead?” And I had the advantage of reading the note about the marker pen, too!
Also, I was reminded very strongly of jigglypuff here. Just throwing that out there.
Will your artist know what you mean by “a confrontational pose”? You could go into a little more detail there, I think.
I loved the literature on up above, but I’m going with Holliequ on this one – maybe a final parting jibe would increase the humor?
- Wings
Hmm, good point. Although relations between Agent Orange and Black have never been very smooth, it’s never gotten to the point of real violence before. If I were editing this for publication, I’d change it from Black getting punched to Black getting slapped. I think a slap is a bit more random and pathetic/comical. [UPDATE: I have gone back and edited the scene accordingly.]
Also, I should probably insert a new panel to draw attention to Agent Orange hiding the marker in his trenchcoat. I think that seeing DUMMY won’t be funny if you have to ask yourself “wait, where did that come from?” [UPDATE: I have made that change, too.]
I love the dialogue in panel six. AO is too big to be punching poor little AB, it’s unfair. I think a slap would work better.
Hee…Disarm, disleg…
“And that’s why you should tie your shoes before going on an escalator!” *laughs*
Off topic: would anyone be so kind as to review the finally-finished second chapter of HTSTW?
- Wings
Hmm. Wings and Holliequ, how would you have rewritten the last panel to make it funnier?
…
I don’t understand why the elevator one is funny. It feels kind of half-assed, to be honest. It doesn’t tie in well to the characters. (Agent Orange has done a bit of writing in past scenes, but usually in a context vaguely related to his job– like writing an ad campaign to finance his team). Maybe, umm… when Agent Orange gets assigned to do meaningless public relations work with kids (like the Career Day skit above), he works in the book on one of those trips.
Oh, I’ve been brainstorming some rough ideas for page 1 of my comic book. Here are a few bullets I’m thinking about.
–This is the scenario I’m leaning towards: The book opens with a newscrew reporting the car-bombing that happened at Gary’s house hours before. They report the “official” version of the story, that Gary dies. As the newscrew is narrating, I’d cut back to shots of his coworkers/friends reacting to this news (to help personify him), mixed in with humorous eye-witness testimony and comments from the neighbors. (“What were you thinking when you saw the car explode?” “Should have bought a Toyota!”) After a page or two, we see Gary waking up in a hospital surrounded by US Marshals. They explain that it is no longer safe for him to work at the IRS and, to keep the assassins from trying again, they have put out the story that he died in the bombing. However, one of the side-effects of this is that he cannot talk to any of his IRS coworkers because the Marshals think the assassins have inside help there. One of the things I like about this is that it helps develop what Gary loses when the feds tell him he can’t even let his friends know he’s alive). I also like that it doesn’t waste time on the assassins– they’re just the inciting event and not even a major MacGuffin. However, I don’t like that it would probably be harder to show why he survives.
–The book starts with Gary (Agent Black) waking up before the bombing. He already has US Marshals in his house. (The backstory is that there have been death threats, so they’ve been deployed as a precaution). I sort of like that this will give me gripping visuals and hopefully provoke questions (why does an accountant have bodyguards?), but I’m concerned that it will compromise his relatability/normality. I usually recommend introducing the protagonist in his element, and being involved in assassination intrigue is definitely not typical for Gary. Also, this sort of makes Gary invisible/inconsequential– why does he survive? It should be because of something he does, NOT because he’s the protagonist.
–The assassins stop by and plant the bomb BUT I need a plausible reason that they leave without making sure that it kills him. (It does not, obviously). If he has US Marshals, it would not be safe to be anywhere near the scene of the crime when the bomb goes off. (It’s later revealed that they were able to plant the bomb because one of the US Marshals had been bribed). If there are no US Marshals, I might have a surly garbageman come by and demand that they move their innocuous-looking van because it’s blocking his route. The conversation quickly gets heated and he threatens to call the cops, so the leader of the assassins decides to make the most of a bad situation and leave without arousing more suspicion. They are not present to see Gary survive. Gary survives because he manages to set off the bomb prematurely with his car-starter. This still relies on a contrivance– the garbageman coming. However, I think that Gary is sort of involved here because it’s his lateness that throws off the criminal’s schedule. They wait there far longer than they had wanted to, and eventually someone comes by (the garbageman). PS: the garbageman is the guy that later says “Should have bought a Toyota” when Gary’s car randomly explodes.
Hmm. I’d really like some help brainstorming of ways that I can make Gary survive the bombing without totally relying on luck. Ideally, it would be because of something that is frankly a bit dorky and/or relatable. For example, he’s superlate getting out of bed and that throws off the assassin’s schedule. He locked his keys in his car the night before, so he decides to bike instead and avoids the car-bomb. I’d like to rule out anything that makes it seem like Gary is super-observant, though. (Ahem– he’s not a very careful person).
Hmm. Perhaps, on top of being late, Gary forgets something very important (glasses? briefcase? …tie?) and absolutely has to go back into the house and get it.
Really, I think Gary being superlate for work seems like the best way to do this. I like the media report, though! I think that’s a good way to show what actually happened vs. what Gary’s friends/colleagues/family have been told.
I think Holli had a great idea with him forgetting something, because like you said he is not super observant, so it would make sense.
Okay. The goal I’ve set for myself this week and next is to do one page per day as soon as I get back from work. Let’s see how long it takes me to write a page…
DISCLAIMER: This is really, really early in the development process, so it will be extremely rough around the edges and not terribly stylish.
Whatever power luck has within it, I wish upon you B. Mac.
Good luck, and don’t over work yourself.
~ P
Someone just did a Google search for “Superhero Nation baby alligator.” This one?
B. Mac, you never cease to make me smile with that picture. It’s frickin’ adorable.
Yes, they’re very cute until about a year after hatching, when they become arm-chomping menaces to the public.
I still think they’re cute when they’re older. I’m a weirdo like that.
The San Diego Zoo has a page devoted to how amiable its alligators are.
Here are the pencils for a page from the SN book. What do you think?
My first impression was that there are two glaring continuity errors.
1) There’s no way Agent Orange (a seven foot tall mutant) could lower himself from a ceiling as low as the one shown in panel 1.
2) In panel 2, Agent Black’s chair is shown to be against the wall. In the final panel, Agent Orange is behind Gary. How’d he get there? Where’d the wall go?
Then I had a few stylistic issues.
1) Panels 5, 6, 7 and especially 8 are too small. The easiest way I see to fix that is to take away some of the vertical space of panel 1 and then move panel 3 up so that it cuts off the bottom of panel 2. (The bottom of panel 2 is pretty boring so I don’t think I’m losing anything). Also, shrink the vertical space between the panels.
2) Agent Orange’s hand looks weird in panel 8.
3) The angle on panel 1 is very odd. Will we be able to read the text on the sign?
4) This is probably just a matter of placing the pupils, but right now, Agent Black doesn’t seem like he’s looking at Agent Orange in panel 8.
Other than those points– which I think would be fairly easy to correct– I’m really pleased by how this turned out. The expressions are readable enough that I can pretty much understand what’s going on even without the text put in. (Note: if you’d like to know what the text is, please see the script in the next comment).
I feel like it’s a highly effective introduction to Agent Orange. It’s simultaneously goofy and faintly badass. Also, it introduces us to his modus operandi– he’s a lot more physically capable than Black.
Could you see yourself buying a 32-page, fully-colored version of this?
For your reference, here’s the script for this page.
PAGE TWENTY-EIGHT.
Panel 1. Agent Black frowns at a prominent sign that says…
WELCOME, VISITORS. DO NOT PROCEED WITHOUT ID TAG– YOU WILL BE SHOT. Fine print: (And/or immolated, irradiated and disintegrated as necessary).
HAVE A PLEASANT DAY.
—THE OFFICE OF SPECIAL INVESTIGATIONS TEAM
Panel 2. Agent Black sits down at a chair near the corner. He’s holding a book and briefcase.
Panel 3. He starts reading his book. The title is “Surviving in a New Workplace.”
Panel 4. We’re reading the same page he is. It’s a mushy list of tips for the first day:
Show up on time (this is checked off).
Introduce yourself to everyone you meet. Don’t forget to rehearse. Practice makes perfect!
Remember to deliver a crisp and firm handshake!
Visualize your success!
Panel 5. Agent Black tries rehearsing his introduction.
Note: this should be from the same camera-angle as panels 6-7, where Agent Orange lowers himself upside-down from the ceiling and surprises him from behind. Part of the surprise is that Agent Black is sitting in a place where he should be able to see anyone coming.
AGENT BLACK: Hello. Handshake. I’m Agent Black, your new partner. I’m very enthusiastic about this new position.
Panel 6. Same shot. However, this time, we see Agent Orange upside down right behind Agent Black. He’s lowering himself down from the ceiling on a rope, ninja-style. Agent Black does not notice.
AGENT BLACK: Although I did not investigate any violent crimes at the IRS, I’m a fast learner and I’m eager to take the next step in my career.
Panel 7. Still upside down, Agent Orange taps a claw on Black’s shoulder. Make Agent Black look a bit confused to show that he feels it. He’s definitely not expecting a tap given that he’s sitting in a place where people shouldn’t be behind him.
Panel 8. Agent Black turns around and sees Agent Orange hanging right behind him.
AGENT ORANGE: Greetings, partner!
Overall, I reallly like this first page. It’s a great way to introduce both characters. Whose the artist? Banu?
I think the easiest way to fix the first continuity error is to have him sit in the center of the room and make the room larger so you could allow for a higher ceiling. Or instead of him coming all the way out of the ceiling, he could come about 3/4 out. Enough to end up behind Black, but still be in the roof. If this building is like most, it has removable panels for the ceiling.
I think you set your page well, with enough space to place your panels comfortably. I’d agree that you can shrink panel 1 to make room for the others. Although, I didn’t find panels 5,6,7, and 8 to be too small. Alternatively, you could move panel 8 to the next page for more impact. Then you’d have room to expand some panels. My main concern is that the page as a whole might be a little too tall. What do you think?
For my love of eccentric characters, I could definitely see myself picking up a copy of Superhero Nation.
Ack, I’m sorry if I was unclear– this isn’t page 1. Maybe 8 or so? I opted to start with page 8 because I have a better idea of what’s going on here than I do with page 1. (Ahem– these Black-Orange scenes practically write themselves… Black by himself is much trickier).
My outline looks like this so far: Agent Black decides to apply around page 7, gets accepted around 16, finishes his first round of training around 22, finishes his first field operation around 30, and sets up the cliffhanger in the last two pages.
I like your idea about moving panel 8 to the next page. I’d like to give it maybe a third of a page, which obviously cannot happen on this page.
Panels 5-7 don’t look small now, but I can’t imagine how I could fit in the dialogue in 5-6. (Remember, he’s doing a mock interview with himself).
I haven’t checked the dimensions of the page– I left Photoshop on my home computer, so I don’t have access to it here– but at a glance it looks reasonable.
This one was done by Rebecca. I haven’t seen the colored version yet– and the color is absolutely critical– but I feel like she’s a real winner. If I get rejected, it won’t be because of the art.
However! As we’ve seen above, it’s not perfect. I have to be careful to make sure that we don’t have any obvious continuity problems.
Banu has a more cartoony style. I’m personally very fond of it, but I’m not sure how well it suits this target audience. In any case, he’s still my cover artist. He has a freakish eye for detail and is quite good at photorealism.
That 8th page is so awesome! Haha, I love it! I would definitely be interested in picking up a copy of “Superhero Nation” if I found it on a shelf. That introduction suits Agent Orange perfectly.
I love how your artist draws the characters’ facial expressions. Just that one page, I got a good laugh out of. Heehee.
Okay, here’s the revised set of pencils.
I think that most of the continuity issues (the height of the ceiling, the space behind the chair) have been resolved. I also like the changes to Agent Orange’s hand–now it looks a bit more dangerous.
My main concern is that Black still isn’t looking at Orange in the final panel. However, I think that could be fixed in under 60 seconds by just moving the pupils up and over, so that it looks like he sees Orange out of the corner of his eye.
Hmm. What do you think?
Thanks for boosting my self-esteem, StarE.
However, if you think it’s good now, just wait until you see it with lettering and colors.
After looking at panel two I also think it could be plausible to have that row of chairs against a window and have AO come down and tap the glass behind him. Although, that might mess with your dialogue.
I don’t think tapping the glass gives AO that wild unpredictability that he wants. If he wants to crank it up, he could have him bursting through the window, a la Batman.
ShardReaper, I think your comment about glass’ effect on Agent Orange’s unpredictability is right on. Additionally, I feel that a lot of the visual impact comes from Agent Black being shocked from a sudden encounter with this very weird-looking mutant alligator that is hanging upside down right next to his head. Putting a layer of glass between the two would probably reduce the tension.
It might also harm AO’s likability. Without the glass, I think that AO comes across as amusingly eccentric but not dangerous or sinister. (If he had meant AB harm, he would have attacked AB). If there were glass, people might wonder “is AO just waiting for the right opportunity to attack AB?” That could compromise AO’s likability. So far, I think I’ve managed to set up a conflict between the two without making either unlikable.
Okay– final version of the pencils for page 8.
The only difference is that the pupils have been moved so that it looks more like Agent Black is actually looking at Agent Orange. I feel this change was an effective solution to the problem that Agent Black looked like he was staring 90 degrees away from AO.
Okay. So the page above will probably be around page
814?Here’s my first draft of the real page 1– please bear in mind that this is still very early in the development process, so it’s short on style.
PAGE ONE.
Panel 1. This is a large panel from the perspective of a news camera showing the wreck of Gary Smith’s car. (He eventually becomes Agent Black). Except for the smoking wreck, this should look like a picturesque suburban home, nice flowers in the yard, all that. Cops are swarming around the scene, there’s police tape, etc. For realism’s sake, keep the camera on the other side of the street. (Media can’t get too close to a crime scene).
The news ticker reads “BREAKING NEWS: IRS AGENT GARY SMITH, 24, MURDERED BY CAR-BOMB…”
Panel 2. The camera looks down and sees Gary’s TAXMAN license plate. It’s been blown across the street.
Panel 3. Cut to one of Gary’s coworkers getting interviewed. He’s visibly shaken.
COWORKER: I have no idea who would want to kill Gary. He was such a great guy. Worked like a demon. Sang like crap. We did karaoke every weekend.
At the bottom of the screen, it says VICTIM’S COWORKER.
INSERT PANEL: Coworker holding up a picture of Gary at the company picnic. He looks like a workaholic—he’s in a suit and has a briefcase with him. But he’s having a good time with people. Make him look likable.
Panel 4. New interview. At the bottom of the screen, it says CONCERNED NEIGHBOR.
NEIGHBOR: Damn, if I had known he was IRS, I woulda capped him myself.
Panel 5. The neighbor does a gun motion with his hand and pulls the trigger.
NEIGHBOR: Audit this, sucka!
Panel 6. Back at the crime scene. A journalist’s holding a microphone to a cop. This cop looks pretty incompetent. Nothing about him should inspire confidence. See Barney Fife.
JOURNALIST: Who had the motive to do this?
COP: Murder an IRS agent?
COP (second speech bubble): Who didn’t?
PAGE TWO.
Panel 1. Two US Marshals step into frame. One pulls aside the cop and the other is replacing the cop as the subject of the interview.
MARSHAL PULLING ASIDE COP (small text): We’ll take it from here.
Panel 2. The US Marshal looks a lot more grizzled and professional than the cop did. Think Bruce Willis.
MARSHAL: The US Marshals are conducting an exhaustive investigation…
Panel 3. Cut to the home of Gary’s parents, Sarah and Luke. It’s a quaint home in rural Georgia. His mother is visibly distraught but the father is stoic-but-concerned.
SARAH: Isn’t right. The hardest thing is burying your son.
LUKE: It feels like yesterday we was [sic] playing catch.
Panel 4. Somber silence. Luke supports Sarah.
Panel 5. Luke has a small, wry smile. Please give Sarah appropriate body language.
LUKE: Would’ve been nice if he called once in a while.
SARAH, mildly rebuking him: Luke!
Panel 6. The screen goes fuzzy—the TV is being turned off. (Gary is turning off the TV in his hospital room).
Panel 7. Gary is lying in a hospital bed, wearing hospital garb. He’s got some bandages, but generally he looks like he’s in pretty good shape. Another US Marshal (tall and burly) is standing next to him. Gary looks confused/distressed.
GARY: I don’t understand…
Okay, that’s all for tonight. What do you think about pages 1-2? My impression is that the scene is a pretty good setup but that the humor needs polishing. At this stage, I’m pleased that it’s fairly easy to understand what’s going on.
Some plotting details.
–on pages 3-4, the US Marshal explains why the USMs falsely announced that he had died and it means for him going forward.
–Over 5-6, A few days pass and he slips into a funk. (IE: not shaving regularly, generally losing his sense of purpose, sleeping late, etc). Sort of like a guy that got laid off.
–On 7, he decides to apply for a new job. US Marshal rules out anything private sector, under pain of being sent to witness protection in Anchorage. Government employees generally easier to trust, he thinks. (Also, it was well-known that Gary was thinking about moving to private sector at some point).
–Page 8. He tries applying to conventional government agencies (FBI, ICE, etc) but gets nowhere. No one needs an accountant for just a year– getting him up to speed would take much longer than that.
–Page 9. Funk worsens. He decides to go for a drink. But he goes through rolodex and discovers that he doesn’t actually know anybody outside of the IRS except for an old college friend. (The DEA agent).
–Page 10-11. The DEA agent mentions the Office of Special Investigations and Gary successfully convinces him to give him the contact information for the HR guy he ran into. DEA agent is skeptical. Gary establishes motivation.
Page 12. Gary goes to the OSI branch in New York City and is surprised by Agent Orange. I had previously slotted this page around page 8.
Page 13. Thrown off by Orange’s eccentricity, Gary blows the interview.
…
So, yeah. This is allegedly 13 pages but I bet that the actual number will be 10-11– I have some merging to do.
In any case, this will probably (when completed) represent a substantial chunk of the first issue. As part of the submissions process for Dark Horse and Image, I need at least 5 colored pages. I’ll probably end up getting colors for 1-5 and pencils or inks for 8-13 over the next two months. Probably about $600. That’s a lot of money, but my instincts tell me that this project looks a lot more publishable than it did a few months ago (more progress, drastically better art, drastically more readers, etc).
I like the pencils, if your inker and colorist can deliver you’re golden as far as that goes. The story so far shows promise, and I kind of like the whole evil boss arc you’re setting up for the series. For page 1/2 I put some thoughts up on the other place you posted it, so I’m sure you’ll see them there.
Not sure if this works, it’ll be my test-run for making these things…
Michael, if the link’s valid, your forum is right here.
Hello, Marissa. I think that link works.
Thanks, it worked.
PAGE THREE
Panel 1. We see another US Marshal. This guy is in charge, so make him look older than the previous Marshals and particularly commanding/competent.
MARSHALL: Someone tried to kill you. Pretty close, too–
Panel 2. Flashback to Gary setting off the bomb with his remote car-starter. He is not actually seriously injured, so make sure it looks like he’s okay.
MARSHALL, off-panel: Forensics figures another five feet would have put you in the kill zone.
Panel 3. He sits up.
GARY: And you told people I died, why?
MARSHALL: If the attacker thinks you survived, they will try again.
Panel 4. Gary looks more indignant.
GARY: You told my parents I died.
MARSHALL: I’d tell them you were a crack-dealing serial killer if that’s what it took.
Panel 5. Gary looks distressed/resigned. He gets up off the bed.
GARY: This is way too much to deal with right now. I’ve got two meetings at work, and–
Panel 6. Marshall claps his hands on Gary’s shoulders.
MARSHALL: –your job is over. Until this investigation is finished, your life is over. We need at least a year to identify and arrest the attackers, make sure that it’s actually safe for you to return.
Panel 7. Gary looks skeptical.
GARY: Umm, wouldn’t it be easier just to give me guards or something?
MARSHALL: You think the Marshals have the manpower to give 24-hour security to every government employee that somebody wants dead? Hell no.
Panel 8.
MARSHALL: There are two ways, and only two ways, this can go. One: you take on a new identity. New friends, new city, new name.
GARY: What’s the other?
PAGE FOUR.
Panel 1. This is a large panel showing a wintery deathscape. Gary is freezing next to an igloo. This is northern Alaska at its brutal worst. There’s a bizarrely chipper WELCOME TO BARROW sign. The subheader on the sign is “I can see Siberia from here!”
MARSHALL, off-panel: If anyone hears that you survived, you’re on the next flight to Alaska under federal protective custody.
Panel 2. Marshall looks frightening here.
MARSHALL: If you make me waste our manpower, I will make you wish the bomb had killed you.
Panel 3. Gary looks very hesitant, kind of cowed.
Panel 4. The Marshal looks eerily friendly/eager to help here.
MARSHAL: Any other questions?
Panel 5.
GARY: Alright, fine. I’ll play along.
Panel 6. The Marshal tosses him a wallet (containing his new ID card) and Gary bobbles it.
Shouldn’t there be a description of his new identity and some ground rules from the Marshal?
Well, we learn more about the identity on page 5. Hold your horses.
Is the Marshal a one-time appearance or a continuous character?
Probably a one-timer. Definitely minor. Not important enough to get a name. The USMs (and the car-bomb) are really just a plot device to explain why Gary joins the OSI even though he clearly isn’t the right fit for it.
Is AO gonna make his appearance in this issue or the next one?
Definitely in this one. That page up there where AO introduces himself is probably ~12 (initially I thought it was 8, but it looks like I’m running over). The first issue is either 24 or 32 pages.
Also, I feel that these first four pages have a lot of potential, even without AO. So I don’t think that I need to rush him in.
Also, a teaser for pages 5-8: a brief lesson on law-enforcement withdrawal, courtesy of the DEA.
Here are the inks for what will probably be page 12. What do you think?
What do you think?
Looks a lot better than the original sketch. On panel 7, I think, is AO sniffing Gary or nudging him?
I’m happy to hear that it looks better.
AO’s poking him to get his attention. If it’s too hard to see that, I suppose I could have Rebecca make the motion lines on the poke more prominent or include a small sound effect like poke poke.
I think it’s pretty clear what is going on with the hand gesture, I think ShardReaper’s confusion came from the awkward head tilt of Agent Orange, coupled with the confusion symbol appearing over Gary’s head. The head tilt makes sense given Orange’s situation since any movement would cause him to sway, so that isn’t something that needs changing, but I think given the comparatively small size of the panel could call for the bolt over Gary being removed, his expression is expressive enough to be saddled alone with communicating that he is “shocked” by the contact. Just my opinion though.
Also, it looks great, I forgot to mention that part.
If you think it looks good, wait until the color and lettering are added. I think it’s reasonably funny even without the lettering, but the words are pretty cool, too.
Actually, I didn’t notice the hand.
Ah, no problem. In the colored version, I think AO’s hand will stick out because there isn’t very much green on the page.
Alright then. I’ve always wanted to know: when coming up with the title for SN did you think of City of Heroes?
You know, now that you’ve pointed out the fact that there is supposed to be a wall behind his chair, I can’t unsee that. The inking is great but the continuity is confusing.
If I had been doing the drawing myself, I probably would have put a bit more space between the chair and the wall. I think if there looks to be 3 feet between the chair and wall, it will be pretty easy for AO to drop down. Right now, I’m seeing maybe 1-2 feet. It’s not entirely impossible to imagine AO fitting into that space, but it may raise eyebrows among attentive readers (like editors).
Actually, I’d think that in the inked version, the continuity issue is mostly resolved. Crap, can’t think of the technical term at the moment, but you can suppose from the first panel to the second that prior to sitting, Gary pulled his chair away from the wall, which I would think, if given sufficient thought, not that it would be, could perhaps show his nervousness, since he took such a step to avoid the chair scuffing the paint on the wall. The only problem that still remains is the second’s upper left corner showing behind his back in the third panel.
Wouldn’t that depend on the angle and the composition?
This is just a random scene, not part of the script I’m preparing for the first issue.
Panel 1
AGENT ORANGE: I am dismayed to learn that my coworkers do not take me seriously!
AGENT BLACK: I have no idea why that could be.
Panel 2
Agent Black snickers.
Panel 3
AGENT ORANGE: Clearly the only thing standing between me and workplace respect is that I am insufficiently brooding. You must teach me all the secrets of moodiness.
Panel 4
AGENT BLACK: Umm, moody? Me?
Panel 5– Agent Orange does a mocking pose here.
AGENT ORANGE: All you do is complain! “My partner makes me look useless” and “my partner accidentally napalmed my car this morning.” Boohoohoo!
Panel 6. Agent Black looks shocked and outraged that his car has been napalmed.
AGENT BLACK: You WHAT!?
Panel 7. Agent Orange looks vindicated.
AGENT ORANGE: There you go again!
I think that AO needs to provide an example of what he thinks is moody. Like a little thought bubble of Batman or some other brooding hero.
“What are you, retarded or something? I’m the goddamn Batman!” That’s the only thing that comes to mind. I suppose Batman’s love life is filled with brooding.
Yeah, once you find a relationship other than Catwoman he was able to have.
I love that last scene. And the inks look great. Sorry I haven’t been commenting much lately. School and NaNoWriMo and stuff have kept my mind preoccupied.
Oh, and I posted my review of pages 3-4 on its page.
Okay, here are pages 5-8.
PAGE FIVE
Panel 1. This is a fake license plate showing Gary’s new identity. He’s Jebediah Whateley of Barrow, Alaska. It’s inside a wallet.
GARY: Jebediah!?
MARSHAL: If it’s a problem, I can book you a flight to your igloo. Just let me know.
Panel 2. Gary stewing silently in anger.
Panel 3.
MARSHAL: Excellent. In that case, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, DC. Good luck finding work. Remember, only government jobs and nothing in the IRS... Jebediah.
Panel 4. Gary shows gritted teeth as the marshal leaves.
Panel 5. Gary leaves the room and meets a somewhat dumb-looking nurse.
Panel 6. The nurse is surprised to see him.
NURSE: Hello, Mr. Whateley! I hope you’re recovering well.
GARY, obviously annoyed: Perfect.
NURSE: I’m sorry to hear about your…
Panel 7. The nurse reads a medical notepad (Gary’s file).
NURSE: …stove explosion. The good news is that the burns were pretty mild and there was hardly enough shrapnel to kill a squirrel.
Panel 8.
GARY (indignant): “A stove explosion?”
NURSE: Yeah, it’s the fifth case this year! I’ve never had any of these outside of DC.
PAGE SIX.
Panel 1. Gary looks irritated.
GARY: You know us government types. Always getting into trouble.
Panel 2.
NURSE: Government? Wait, I know! You’re…
Panel 3. The nurse looks like she’s just had a “eureka!” moment. Gary looks extremely nervous– he thinks that he’s been found out already and will have to go to Alaska.
GARY, thought: (an image of the Alaskan wasteland).
Panel 4. Nurse points a finger at him.
NURSE: …with the CIA! Did the KGB boobytrap your stove?
Panel 5.
GARY: Umm, yeah.
NURSE: Oh, wow! I appreciate your service so much. Please keep up for the good work. Just check the stove first next time.
Panel 6. He rolls his eyes as she smiles widely at him from behind.
GARY: Thanks. I’ll try to.
Panel 7. Gary has his phone out and she’s gone.
GARY: Hello, I’d like to order a cab…
PAGE SEVEN.
Panel 1. Gary’s sitting in his unfurnished apartment, writing away at a sheet of paper. The apartment should feel unnaturally empty and boring.
NARRATION: US Marshal Safehouse #247, assigned to “Jebediah Whateley.”
Panel 2. We shift to the sheet. It has two columns, one that says JOB APPLICATION ASSETS and another that says LIABILITIES. He’s having more success filling up the liabilities. At this point, he has “can’t talk about why I left the IRS” and “I can only work for a year!” and “Jebediah, really?” in liabilities. The only asset he can think of is “Good with numbers.”
Panels 3-5 are three small panels. In 3, his stomach growls. In 4, we see him checking the pantry but finding it empty. In 5, he finds the refrigerator empty.
Panel 6. Cut to a restaurant. Gary’s eating a burger next to a woman at the bar. Make this look a lot more lively and fun.
GARY: So, where do you work?
WOMAN: K Street. You?
Panel 7. Gary explains he’s unemployed, but she’s extremely unimpressed and not having any of it. This should be obvious to Gary.
GARY: Umm, I’m between jobs.
Panel 8. Gary blushes, embarrassed by her reaction. The waiter is looking on from the side.
GARY: It’s not my fault! I’m looking!
Panel 9. She leaves. Gary facepalms.
Panel 10. The waiter commits an awkward gaffe, annoying Gary.
WAITER: You’re still going to tip, right?
GARY (small text): Not anymore.
PAGE EIGHT
Panel 1. Gary’s writing some more. He looks tired and it’s getting late. Some time has passed since the last panel. (For example, he has several empty beer mugs next to him).
Panel 2. We see that he has filled in more job liabilities. “No contacts outside of IRS.” “No work experience I can actually mention.” “Still smell like smoke.” He has only added one more asset, “Other agencies need accountants now, right?” (Scrawled next to this, in capitals and underlined: NOT TAX SEASON [frowny face] )
Panel 3. Still working on the list. He adds “Able to do” under assets. Make it clear that he’s still writing out the phrase.
Panel 4. He pauses in thought, frowning. He looks really tired.
Panel 5. He scratches out the word Able and replaces it with Willing, and writes in the word anything, so that it has become “Willing to do anything.”
Panel 6. His head hits the table and he’s out cold.
GARY SOUND EFFECT: Zzzzz
PAGE NINE
Panel 1. The bartender’s on the phone. (Talking to a cabbie).
BARTENDER: Okay. I’ll send him out.
Panel 2. The bartender has hung up.
BARTENDER: His cab’s here. Want to take him out?
WAITER: No tip, no service.
Panel 3. The bartender unhappily drags Gary outside.
Panel 4.
CABBIE: Where’s he going?
(The bartender hands him Gary’s wallet).
Panel 5.
CABBIE: “Jebediah Whateley.” You gave an Amish guy enough liquor to make him pass out?
BARTENDER: Three Buds!
Panel 6. They heave Gary into the backseat.
Panel 7. The bartender has turned to leave.
CABBIE: Dammit. No way I’m getting a tip on this one.
For your convenience, I’ve compiled pages 1-9 here.
PAGE ONE.
Panel 1. This is a large panel from the perspective of a news camera showing the wreck of Gary Smith’s car. (He eventually becomes Agent Black). Except for the smoking wreck, this should look like a picturesque suburban home, nice flowers in the yard, all that. Cops are swarming around the scene, there’s police tape, etc. For realism’s sake, keep the camera on the other side of the street. (Media can’t get too close to a crime scene).
The news ticker reads “BREAKING NEWS: IRS AGENT GARY SMITH, 24, MURDERED BY CAR-BOMB…”
Panel 2. The camera looks down and sees Gary’s TAXMAN license plate. It’s been blown across the street.
Panel 3. Cut to one of Gary’s coworkers getting interviewed. He’s visibly shaken.
COWORKER: I have no idea who would want to kill Gary. He was such a great guy. Worked like a demon. Sang like crap. We did karaoke every weekend.
At the bottom of the screen, it says VICTIM’S COWORKER.
INSERT PANEL: Coworker holding up a picture of Gary at the company picnic. He looks like a workaholic—he’s in a suit and has a briefcase with him. But he’s having a good time with people. Make him look likable.
Panel 4. New interview, this time with a sweet-looking grandmother. At the bottom of the screen, it says CONCERNED NEIGHBOR.
NEIGHBOR: Damn, if I had known he was a taxman, I woulda capped him myself.
Panel 5. The neighbor does a gun motion with his hand and pulls the trigger.
NEIGHBOR: Audit this, sucka!
Panel 6. Back at the crime scene. A journalist’s holding a microphone to a cop. This cop looks pretty incompetent. Nothing about him should inspire confidence. See Barney Fife.
JOURNALIST: Who had the motive to do this?
COP: Murder an IRS agent?
COP (second speech bubble): Give or take, 300 million.
PAGE TWO.
Panel 1. Two US Marshals step into frame. One pulls aside the cop and the other is replacing the cop as the subject of the interview.
MARSHAL PULLING ASIDE COP (small text): We’ll take it from here.
Panel 2. The US Marshal looks a lot more grizzled and professional than the cop did. Think Bruce Willis.
MARSHAL: The US Marshals are conducting an exhaustive investigation…
Panel 3. Cut to the home of Gary’s parents, Sarah and Luke. It’s a quaint home in rural Georgia. His mother is visibly distraught but the father is stoic-but-concerned.
SARAH: Isn’t right. The hardest thing is burying your son.
LUKE: It feels like yesterday we was [sic] playing catch.
Panel 4. Somber silence. Luke supports Sarah.
Panel 5. Luke has a small, wry smile. Please give Sarah appropriate body language.
LUKE: Would’ve been nice if he called once in a while.
SARAH, mildly rebuking him: Luke!
Panel 6. The screen goes fuzzy—the TV is being turned off. (Gary is turning off the TV in his hospital room).
Panel 7. Gary is lying in a hospital bed, wearing hospital garb. He’s got some bandages, but generally he looks like he’s in pretty good shape. Another US Marshal (tall and burly) is standing next to him. Gary looks confused/distressed.
GARY: I don’t understand…
PAGE THREE
Panel 1. We see another US Marshal. This guy is in charge, so make him look older than the previous Marshals and particularly commanding/competent.
MARSHALL: Someone tried to kill you. Pretty close, too–
Panel 2. Flashback to Gary setting off the bomb with his remote car-starter. He is not actually seriously injured, so make sure it looks like he’s okay.
MARSHALL, off-panel: Forensics figures another eight feet would have put you in the kill zone.
Panel 3. Gary sits up.
GARY: And you told people I died, why?
MARSHALL: If the attacker thinks you survived, they will try again.
Panel 4. Gary looks more indignant.
GARY: You told my parents I died.
MARSHALL: I’d tell them you were a crack-dealing serial killer if that’s what it took.
Panel 5. Gary looks distressed/resigned. He gets up off the bed.
GARY: This is way too much to deal with right now. I’ve got two meetings at work, and–
Panel 6. Marshall claps his hands on Gary’s shoulders.
MARSHALL: –your job is over. Until this investigation is finished, your life is over. We need at least a year to identify and arrest the attackers, make sure that it’s actually safe for you to return.
Panel 7. Gary looks skeptical.
GARY: Umm, wouldn’t it be easier just to give me guards or something?
MARSHALL: You think the Marshals have the manpower to give 24-hour security to every government employee that’s pissed somebody off? Hell no.
Panel 8.
MARSHALL: There are two ways, and only two ways, this can go. One: you take on a new identity. New friends, new city, new name.
GARY: What’s the other?
PAGE FOUR.
Panel 1. This is a large panel showing a wintery deathscape. Gary is freezing next to an igloo. This is northern Alaska at its brutal worst. There’s a bizarrely chipper WELCOME TO BARROW sign. The subheader on the sign is “I can see Siberia from here!”
MARSHALL, off-panel: If anyone hears that you survived, you’re on the next flight to Alaska under federal protective custody.
Panel 2. Marshall looks frightening here.
MARSHALL: If you make me waste our manpower, I will make you wish the bomb had killed you.
Panel 3. Gary looks very hesitant, kind of cowed.
Panel 4. The Marshal looks eerily friendly/eager to help here.
MARSHAL: Any other questions?
Panel 5.
GARY: Alright, fine. I’ll play along.
Panel 6. The Marshal tosses him a wallet (containing his new ID card) and Gary bobbles it.
PAGE FIVE
Panel 1. This is a fake license plate showing Gary’s new identity. He’s Jebediah Whateley of Barrow, Alaska. It’s inside a wallet.
GARY: Jebediah!?
MARSHAL: If it’s a problem, I can book you a flight to your igloo. Just let me know, Mr. Whateley.
Panel 2. Gary stewing silently in anger.
Panel 3.
MARSHAL: Excellent. In that case, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, DC. Good luck finding work. Remember, only government jobs and nothing in the IRS… Jebediah.
Panel 4. Gary shows gritted teeth as the marshal leaves.
Panel 5. Gary leaves the room and meets a somewhat dumb-looking nurse.
Panel 6. The nurse is surprised to see him.
NURSE: Hello, Mr. Whateley! I hope you’re recovering well.
GARY, obviously annoyed: Perfect.
NURSE: I’m sorry to hear about your…
Panel 7. The nurse reads a medical notepad (Gary’s file).
NURSE: …stove explosion. The good news is that the burns were pretty mild and there was hardly enough shrapnel to kill a squirrel.
Panel 8.
GARY (indignant): “A stove explosion?”
NURSE: Yeah, it’s the fifth case this year! I’ve never had any of these outside of DC.
PAGE SIX.
Panel 1. Gary looks irritated.
GARY: You know us government types. Always getting into trouble.
Panel 2.
NURSE: Government? Wait, I know! You’re…
Panel 3. The nurse looks like she’s just had a “eureka!” moment. Gary looks extremely nervous– he thinks that he’s been found out already and will have to go to Alaska.
GARY, thought: (an image of the Alaskan wasteland).
Panel 4. Nurse points a finger at him.
NURSE: …with the CIA! Did the KGB boobytrap your stove?
Panel 5.
GARY: Umm, yeah.
NURSE: Oh, wow! I appreciate your service so much. Please keep up for the good work. Just check the stove first next time.
Panel 6. He rolls his eyes as she smiles widely at him from behind.
GARY: Thanks. I’ll try to.
Panel 7. Gary has his phone out and she’s gone.
GARY: Hello, I’d like a cab pickup…
PAGE SEVEN.
Panel 1. Gary’s sitting in his unfurnished apartment, writing away at a sheet of paper. The apartment should feel unnaturally empty and boring.
NARRATION: US Marshal Safehouse #247, assigned to “Jebediah Whateley.”
Panel 2. We shift to the sheet. It has two columns, one that says JOB APPLICATION ASSETS and another that says LIABILITIES. He’s having more success filling up the liabilities. At this point, he has “can’t talk about why I left the IRS” and “I can only work for a year!” and “Jebediah, really?” in liabilities. The only asset he can think of is “Good with numbers.”
Panels 3-5 are three small panels. In 3, his stomach growls. In 4, we see him checking the pantry but finding it empty. In 5, he finds the refrigerator empty.
Panel 6. Cut to a restaurant. Gary’s eating a burger next to a woman at the bar. Make this look a lot more lively and fun.
GARY: So, where do you work?
WOMAN: K Street. You?
Panel 7. Gary explains he’s unemployed, but she’s extremely unimpressed and not having any of it. This should be obvious to Gary.
GARY: Umm, I’m between jobs.
Panel 8. Gary blushes, embarrassed by her reaction. The waiter is looking on from the side.
GARY: It’s not my fault! I’m looking!
Panel 9. She leaves. Gary facepalms.
Panel 10. The waiter commits an awkward gaffe, annoying Gary.
WAITER: You’re still going to tip, right?
GARY (small text): Not anymore.
PAGE EIGHT
Panel 1. Gary’s writing some more. He looks tired and it’s getting late. Some time has passed since the last panel. (For example, he has several empty beer mugs next to him).
Panel 2. We see that he has filled in more job liabilities. “No contacts outside of IRS.” “No work experience I can actually mention.” “Still smell like smoke.” He has only added one more asset, “Other agencies need accountants now, right?” (Scrawled next to this, in capitals and underlined: NOT TAX SEASON [frowny face] )
Panel 3. Still working on the list. He adds “Able to do” under assets. Make it clear that he’s still writing out the phrase.
Panel 4. He pauses in thought, frowning. He looks really tired.
Panel 5. He scratches out the word Able and replaces it with Willing, and writes in the word anything, so that it has become “Willing to do anything.”
Panel 6. His head hits the table and he’s out cold.
GARY SOUND EFFECT: Zzzzz
PAGE NINE
Panel 1. The bartender’s on the phone. (Talking to a cabbie).
BARTENDER: Okay. I’ll send him out.
Panel 2. The bartender has hung up.
BARTENDER: His cab’s here. Want to take him out?
WAITER: No tip, no service.
Panel 3. The bartender unhappily drags Gary outside.
Panel 4.
CABBIE: Where’s he going?
(The bartender hands him Gary’s wallet).
Panel 5.
CABBIE: “Jebediah Whateley.” You gave an Amish guy enough liquor to make him pass out?
BARTENDER: Three Buds!
Panel 6. They heave Gary into the backseat.
Panel 7. The bartender has turned to leave.
CABBIE, to himself: Dammit. No way I’m getting a tip on this one.
“Yeah, it’s the fifth case this year! I’ve never had any of these outside of DC.” Actually laughed out loud.
PAGE TEN
Panel 1. Gary wakes up. His alarm clock says 11:32. (Not having a job has thrown off his schedule).
NARRATION: WEDNESDAY
INSERT PANEL: He pulls a crumpled-up sheet of paper out of his pocket.
Panel 2. We’re reading the paper now (and he’s holding it up so that he’s reading it, too). It says LIST OF RECRUITERS and it has four agency names next to phone numbers. (Let’s say CENSUS BUREAU, FBI, INTERNATIONAL TRADE ADMINISTRATION and ICE).
Panel 3. He grabs his phone.
Panels 4-7. This is four different people in four similar-looking government offices rejecting Gary’s application. Each speaker appears in a different panel and together they finish the same sentence.
SPEAKER 1: I received your application, Mr. Whateley…
SPEAKER 2: …and I’m concerned that you will only be available for a year…
SPEAKER 3: …so I’m sorry to inform you that…
SPEAKER 4: …we cannot hire you at this time.
Panel 8. Gary’s sitting alone at a bar, head slumped down onto the table.
PAGE ELEVEN
Panel 1. Gary wakes up and he’s even more of a wreck than before. (Not shaved, messy hair, etc).
NARRATION: THURSDAY
Panel 2. Gary starts going through his Blackberry. (Umm, make it look generic enough that I don’t get sued, thanks).
Panel 3. He’s looking through his contact list– we see three columns: name, job and phone #. All of the entries we can see have IRS in the job column. Just make up boring-sounding names and job titles, like IRS economist or IRS auditor or whatever.
Panel 4.
He types in -IRS in the search bar.
Panel 5. He only gets 3 results:
MOM + DAD
PIZZA HUT
FELIX CUTTER
Panel 6. Felix Cutter?
Panel 7. He’s trying to remember who that is.
Panel 8. Flashback to a classroom where Gary and Felix are doing a public-service announcement. On the whiteboard, it says IRS-DEA Drug Awareness Week
FELIX: Kids, there’s one thing you need to know about drugs. They’ll make you dead.
PAGE TWELVE
Panel 1. Felix writes DEAD on the board in big letters.
Panel 2.
FELIX: Can anybody tell me why drugs’re gonna make you dead?
Panel 3.
CHILD: Because they’re bad for you?
Panel 4. Felix doesn’t like that answer. Give him a comically over-the-top expression.
FELIX: You damn fool! Of course they’re bad for you. So is candy. But thinking about candy shouldn’t make your knees tremble in abject terror. Fear, that’s what I’m talking about. If somebody offers you drugs, why should you run the hell away if you want to live?
Panel 5.
WHITE GIRL: The po-lice!
Panel 6. He smiles.
Panel 7. He takes an eraser and erases the last D in DEAD, leaving only DEA.
FELIX: Damn straight, sister. And that’s why drugs’ll make you dead. Now I’m gonna hand the floor over to Gary Smith.
Panel 8. On the side of this panel, Felix is disappointed with Gary’s use of language that is FAR too wonkish for this grade-school audience.
GARY: Hello, I’m with the Internal Revenue Service. Who wants to learn about narcotic money laundering?
PAGE THIRTEEN.
Panel 1. The flashback is over. Back to Gary’s apartment.
GARY: Hello, Mr. Cutter?
FELIX: Depends on who’s asking.
Panel 2.
GARY: Umm, I worked with you on Drug Awareness Week.
FELIX: Oh, yeah! I remember you. Sort of. You got one of those damn taxman names. Barry or Larry or something.
Panel 3. Gary eye-rolls.
GARY: I was wondering if you were still in government. I’m looking for work.
Panel 4.
FELIX: Where you at?
GARY: Washington.
FELIX: Get out! I’m in Baltimore. Get your butt on down here and we can talk over drinks.
Panel 5. Gary stumbles nito the bar. He’s stubbly, his clothes are a wreck (sweats and a hoodie with the hood down), his hair is wild, etc. There’s a Unabomber joke coming up, so make sure that he bears some resemblance.
Panel 6. Gary plops down at Felix’s table.
Panel 7.
FELIX: What the hell happened to you?
Panel 8.
GARY, desperate and out of breath: I need a job.
PAGE FOURTEEN
Panel 1.
FELIX: What you need is a barber. The Unabomber look ain’t working.
Panel 2.
GARY: Is the DEA hiring? I’m really good with numbers but everywhere else I’ve applied I’ve had a lot of trouble because I can’t talk about my work with, umm, the agency where you met me.
Panel 3.
FELIX: The IRS?
INSERT PANEL: Gary lurching towards Felix, with a finger to his mouth. (He doesn’t want to get shipped to Alaska).
GARY: Shh!
Panel 4. Felix is confused and a little bit weirded out.
FELIX: Uhh… I didn’t know it was like a spy thing you can’t talk about.
Panel 5.
GARY: Well, something came up. I sort of “died.” Officially.
Panel 6. This excites Felix.
FELIX: No way! The DEA once staged my death– they held a fake funeral and everything. The dealer thought he was gonna get nailed for accessory to cop-killing–he fell over himself cutting a plea bargain on the drug charges.
Panel 7.
GARY: And it worked out alright?
FELIX: It was rough. They wouldn’t let me work for two weeks. By the end of it, I was suffering law-enforcement withdrawal so bad I got the shakes every time I drove past a skatepark.
PAGE FIFTEEN
Panel 1. Felix looks at him like he’s an idiot.
GARY: Law enforcement withdrawal? Umm, I don’t think that’s it.
Panel 2. Gary flinches.
GARY: Umm, okay. Assuming it is law-enforcement withdrawal, I should get a job with DEA. Can you get me something? Anything?
Panel 3. Felix looks embarrassed.
FELIX: Well, uhh… I’m sorta on the outs at work. I got wrote up for some crap with a supervisor that hates me. And a pellet-gun that I had no idea was loaded.
Panel 4. Awkward silence panel.
Panel 5. Felix mentions something but it makes him uncomfortable.
FELIX: There was that one time in Brooklyn…
Panel 6. Another awkward silence panel. Felix regrets bringing it up.
Panel 7.
GARY: Please, anything. I’ll take anything.
Panel 8.
FELIX: The Office of Special Investigations.
PAGE SIXTEEN.
Panel 1.
GARY: OSI? I’ve never heard of them.
FELIX: They’re quiet. They deal with caped freaks, zombie outbreaks, psycho scientists, that sort of batshit crazy New York crap.
Panel 2.
FELIX: So, Brooklyn, right? We’ve got three squads ready to storm a MS-13 cocaine plant.
Panel 3. We shift to the scene outside the plant. A guy in nondescript street clothes is leading out handcuffed prisoners that have been chain-ganged, like in prison. There was obviously a fight here, so show some of them injured and perhaps mildly bloody. He’s got a human-sized bag over his shoulder that’s sort of squirming.
FELIX, off-panel: OSI gets there first.
Panel 4. The DEA vans pull out in a semi-circle pinning him approximately against the plant with the prisoners behind him.
INSERT PANEL:
The doors on the vans opening up and guys with rifles pointing at him.
FELIX: Freeze!
Panel 5. The guy looks bored.
AGENT: Special Investigations. Can you take care of these guys? I’ve already got who I came for.
Panel 6.
FELIX: ID! Now!
Panel 7. The agent reaches for a card incredibly fast and whips it at Felix’s feet. Use some blurring and overlapping frames of him to show that this is beyond the natural.
PAGE SEVENTEEN.
Panel 1. Felix holding the agent’s business card. It’s got an OSI seal and his picture.
AGENT WHITE
OFFICE OF SPECIAL INVESTIGATIONS– HUMAN RESOURCES
SHAPESHIFTER CHECK: Try shooting him. If you hit him, it wasn’t.
CAPABILITIES: See above.
TEAM FUNCTION: intelligence resource acquisition/headhunting
SECONDARY FUNCTION: recruiting
Panel 2. Felix is startled/befuddled.
AGENT WHITE: Thanks. Have a nice day.
Panel 3. He starts to move– he’s pretty fast.
FELIX: What the hell? You’re not going anywhere. You are a witness.
Panel 4. Agent White leaves. You can give him some nifty agility/speed tricks here.
Panel 5. Back to the present.
FELIX, bitter: We never managed to get a deposition or debriefing out of him, let alone testimony.
Panel 6.
GARY: Do you still have the business card?
FELIX: You can’t be serious.
I only had time to read to the first Panel 8, but just as a quick suggestion, maybe you could help show the depths of his rejection by having one of the places rejecting him be A.T.F? Then in the seventh panel, show the employee as a really deranged looking person, smoking a cuban cigar in the same hand as he holds a beer bottle, and a gun in the same hand as he holds the phone? Maybe, like a really finely tailored business vest with a stick of cartoon dynamite in his pocket? It’s just an idea, it might be too cartoon-y or insulting to A.T.F for what you are going for, but I think it’d show that he really is the bottom of the barrel.
I had an idea for a comic book cover. Agent Black and possibly Agent Orange are sitting in a helicopter among an extremely well-armed group of soldiers. The soldiers look deadly serious, like they’re just about to drop into really dangerous territory.
Agent Black looks a bit concerned/confused. Unlike everybody else, he’s wearing a regular business suit and he looks badly out of place in a military operation.
Agent Black says “Umm… This is just a fact-finding mission, right?”
AGENT ORANGE: I have most courteously signed you up to be an organ donor!
AGENT BLACK: Umm… I think the donor usually decides that.
AGENT ORANGE: Except in cases of mental defect.
AGENT BLACK: I do not–
AGENT ORANGE: –hah! You would refuse to give your organs to a sickly patient after you are dead. If that is not proof of a mental defect, surely it proves nefariousness.
AGENT BLACK: You are getting–
AGENT ORANGE: –…closer and closer to redistributing your organs tonight.
I’ve been brainstorming some plot ideas for issue two. Obviously, this will have spoilers.
–The main plot event of the issue is Gary struggling through training with Agent Orange and solving his first case. The team-building assignments and ice-breakers do not, umm, go as planned.
–Gary particularly struggles with weapons handling/marksmanship, but I think that’s a bit cliched, so I’d also like to show that his investigative skills are not well-suited to this position. (For example, he’s the last person in training to realize on a particular day that “Agent Orange” is actually being filled in for a shapeshifting Internal Affairs agent today).
–One personality trait I’d like to establish for Gary is that he relies too much on other people in a field where self-sufficiency is generally assumed. For example, when the quartermaster hands him a gun that the QM says is loaded, Gary doesn’t think to check it first. (Professionals ALWAYS treat a gun as loaded until they’ve seen otherwise).
–I’d really like to use the training to set up readers for the action in store. This isn’t standard police training. Besides the shapeshifter check, I’d also like to do a brief scene on a firing range where the targets (instead of staying mobile) jump and weave at the shooters at insane speed, like something out of The Matrix. “What the hell! The target cheated.” Maybe something like a paintball match between Gary and Agent Orange with both of his arms tied behind his back and a paintbrush held between his teeth. Nom nom nom.
–As much as possible, I’d like to introduce important side-characters (notably Dr. Mallow, Dr. Darpa, a shapeshifter, an assassin, etc). One thing I’d like to show about Mallow is that he’s frightfully good at reading/using people– he picks up on the shapeshifter before anybody else, etc. When he goes rogue, I think that he’d be a more intimidating opponent if we know he’s competent.
One of the things that I’m trying to adjust for is that it’s been MUCH harder to fit the plot into X pages as I had planned. For example, originally I had projected that Gary would first meet Agent Orange around page 8-10. That actually happened on page 24.
About a month ago, I applied to literary agents. I’ve had second thoughts about whether having an agent on board is actually worthwhile for a comic book writer.
Within a month, I think I will give up on the agents and just submit directly to publishers. It’s bad form to submit to agents and publishers simultaneously, so I’ll only submit to publishers after I assume that the agents have rejected me. Since they’ll have had my submission for two months at that point, that should be enough time.
Before I submit to publishers, there are a few smoothness issues I want to work out.
–Why are the US Marshals so icy/unhelpful/confrontational to Gary?
–Why does Gary apply to the OSI?
–Why does the OSI hire him?
–If the OSI is displeased with Agent Orange, why can’t it just fire him rather than go through this convoluted plan to tick him off until he quits?
So far, I feel like I have explanations in place for some of these questions, but the explanations are so complicated that I think they detract from the coherence of the plot. In contrast, I’ve been watching some solid TV shows and movies about unconventional police partnerships and the premises are so smooth and logical that these sorts of questions never arise. For example, here are some unusual premises in this field that feel like a very effective and believable way to show why somebody is hired for a job that they don’t have the usual training/background for.
Bad Company: a streetwise hustler gets hired by the CIA after his twin brother (a really competent CIA agent) gets killed. Nobody can impersonate the dead guy as well as the twin.
Bones: the FBI needs the assistance of a super-talented, irreplaceable anthropologist to solve a high-profile case. She agrees, but only on the condition that she get to participate in the field work. The FBI officer overseeing the investigation reluctantly accepts her as his partner.
Hot Fuzz: A super-talented police commando is transferred from London to a small village because the London cops are sick of him making them look bad. (It’s a comedy).
Men in Black: a New York cop becomes a Man in Black after impressing a veteran MIB. I didn’t feel like this one was particularly well-executed, but the concept (showing that you’re capable of handling the work and/or otherwise somehow getting involved in a pressing case) strikes me as promising.
I think I need a better premise to explain how an IRS agent comes to join a team of superheroes. Something tight and concise. Right now, it’s something like this: His car gets bombed –> The Marshals make him leave his job –> He applies for work but can’t find anything else –> He applies to the superhero agency as a last resort –> They accept him only because they think it’ll make his partner quit. What? I’m looking for something that makes sense in 1-2 sentences.
So, in short, some of the concepts that come to mind are…
–The hero is selected for an unusual job because he has skills and/or personal characteristics that will contribute to the job in some irreplaceable way.
–The hero is transferred away because he has displeased his superiors. Alternately, he’s transferred away because he’s more valuable to another organization than his own and doesn’t have much say in the matter.
–The hero’s day job unexpectedly turns into a proving ground for the new job. He may demonstrate skills that most of the regular applicants don’t have.
–A manager with a compelling reason to see the team fail encourages somebody unqualified to apply and rigs the selection process so that he gets the job. Note: this raises the question of why the hero would apply for a job that he’s not qualified for, or why he would stay on the job when it’s clear he’s not cut out for it.
In the pertinent TV shows and movies I’ve seen thus far, I notice that they focus a lot more on why the organization wants the individual than why the individual wants to join the organization.
Hmm… I’m not sure if this will mess up your plot, but could Marty Stull conceivably “transfer” Gary from the IRS for specialist investigation into somebody’s (or several somebodys) finances? And by transfer, I mean get the US Marshalls to fake his death so he can work for OSI. I’m thinking maybe an Al Capone kind of situation here. (It was Al Capone that got convicted of tax evasion, right?)
If this seems a bit of a stretch, you could bring in Marty Stull wanting to get Orange fired, too. He’s deliberately stretched the excuse to get Gary into a dangerous situation.
Um… that’s just as convoluted as what you already have, isn’t it? D:
Curious here… why an IRS agent? I think maybe your brainstorming would benefit from really examining Gary and what he _is_ qualified for, instead of seeing him as purely a foil for Agent Orange. (I will, eventually, get this entire thread read, but in the meantime, I hope my assumptions aren’t too far off the mark.)
For instance, here’s the first point in my brainstorming:
IRS agents are…
Scary to normal people, scarier to people with tax evasions/inexplicable wealth to hide
Which led me to:
This might make Gary competent in certain oddball situations, able to terrify someone from a completely different angle from Agent Orange. Somebody who isn’t at all fazed by a mutant alligator might be horrified at the thought of someone decoding his books and discovering his peculiar obsessions.
And that point led me to…
In Batman Returns, Bruce Wayne had to set up a dozen dummy companies in order to get parts for his costume, etc., in secret. If Gary had run across a situation like that while he was in the IRS, he might have had reason to have had contact with the OSI prior to signing up with them, or that could be the reason people are after him and he needs the OSI’s help.
I think that the core of the plotting issue is Gary. Once you know more about him, the plot should straighten out. There will be some reason for him to go to OSI, and for OSI to decide he’s useful (preferably in multiple ways… nobody’s hired just to make coffee. He knows something useful, he’s good for image, and as a bonus he might get rid of Agent Orange… there will probably be a few different people among his higher-ups who have wildly differing ideas about why he ended up hired and what exactly he’s supposed to be doing.)
Hope this helps – if I’m off the mark, let me know.
I like the idea of bringing him in on something superhero-related, like the police might try to track down Wayne’s finances.
However, I think it might be funnier if he’s specifically called in as a replacement after somebody kills the previous accountant. I can imagine how that conversation would go…
GARY: Can I speak to the accountant that previously held this position?
AGENT ORANGE: Not without a seance, no.
GARY: Umm, what happened?
AGENT ORANGE: A decapitation, repeated bludgeons with a tree branch, rocket strikes and getting thrown twelve stories through a plate-glass window. Although possibly not in that order.
I was thinking – “that’s not my department” is such a universal excuse for unhelpful people. So the US Marshalls might be hostile to helping Gary because something in his circumstances tags it as OSI business and they don’t want it on their plates.
He gets fired from the IRS for being too stupid to live (this happens – ignore safety protocol and get hurt, and you won’t have a job left after you come back from medical leave), and nobody is able to give him medical benefits for so much as a toothache because they aren’t set up to deal with his new “high-risk” status… except the OSI, which by necessity has extremely comprehensive coverage for agents. If he actually does have a toothache, he’s gonna want it taken care of soon.
So that’s one way that seems plausible enough to me for Gary to need the job with the OSI, and as an agent to boot.
One thing (please don’t hate me)… the story is primarily about the partnership between Agent Orange and Gary, right? So all this about how Gary gets there is backstory, right? So the main story itself really starts when they meet, right?
If I understand all this, then I don’t think you can afford to wait any longer than maybe 2 pages before they’re introduced to each other. You only have about 24 for the entire comic. The dialogue and scenes that you’ve sweated over to provide Gary’s backstory are fun and interesting, but they don’t advance the main plot. My instinct here is to cut them way down, maybe a few really evocative illustrations and next to no dialogue, and get to the meeting between Gary and Agent Orange. You can probably drop hints of his backstory later without slowing down your plot, but I think it’s crucial to keep the pace quick until you reach your hook (IRS agent teamed with mutant alligator – hijinks ensue!) or else your readers might be either bored by The Misfortunes of Gary or cheated when the comic turns out not be about The Misfortunes of Gary after all.
Sorry that the most I can offer at this point is advice to cut pages you’ve already finished.
But I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t really believe it. Maybe you could use them later, like as a flashback when someone inevitably asks why Gary’s even trying to get this job.
I’m submitting at 32 pages long, which is typical for Dark Horse and a few other publishers I’m looking at. (You’re right that Marvel and DC usually publish around 24, though).
…
Hmm. I don’t think that getting the two leads to meet on page 3 is viable*, but I largely agree with you that everything up to that point is just setup. It felt pretty crazy to me that Gary spent more time talking to a minor character (Felix) than Agent Orange. Instead of something like ~25 pages of premise setup, I’ll try to get it down to 10. My end-goal is to get him through basic training and starting on a case by page 32.
Either way, I’ll have to cut a LOT of finished pages. Don’t worry about it. Rewriting–even total rewriting– is just part of the game, and I didn’t waste my time by writing those pages. It was a learning experience and, besides, I may be able to salvage some of them by reworking them for later.
*Or, at least, I don’t yet see how I can do it. Nonetheless, Odd Squad #1 did manage to have the FBI agent meet the world’s best paranormal investigator on page four. The first five pages are posted as samples here.
Ah – 32 pages, then. Still not much room for backstory, as far as I can tell. I’m trying to learn an entirely new story form here, so I’m really not sure how much backstory is acceptable or how much room it takes on a page.
Comics really are a whole different animal than short stories and novels when it comes to how much can go on a page. But so far as I can tell, it’s still subject to the rules of the short form – tight, efficient writing is everything, the best plots arise from characters, and everything must advance the story or get cut.
Since you did say you were trying to edit it down to 10 pages, I’m really curious how it would look if you skip Gary’s basic training for the most part – give it one panel, maybe, or have scenes accomplish several things at once. My concern is that you’ll have a lot of really fun material that pretty much repeats itself. Does every single panel lead to a new revelation about Gary’s character and/or situation? Or is it just piling on something already said? If it’s been said already in a better way somewhere else, you ought to be able to cut it.
You can see the script here. The password is brian (no capitals). I guess I could do without training by making the case so urgent that they had to get Gary on it right away.
Okay, I think I have a somewhat better explanation for why Gary comes from the IRS to the Office of Special Investigations. He inadvertently gets targeted for death after starting an audit on a supercriminal’s flunky.
On page 1, two OSI agents (a shapeshifter and a combat operative) break into his house the next morning and let him know that he’s been marked for death. They attempt to take him into custody but he’s disoriented and thinks they’re talking to the wrong person. He doesn’t even remember the audit in question because it was just another one of 20+ audits that day. (One of his flaws is that he doesn’t pay enough attention to what he’s doing).
The agents cajole Gary into coming with them and there’s a brief combat sequence with a variety of robotic assassins. The shapeshifter uses himself as a decoy and lures the robots one way, while Gary and the combat operative escape. Gary returns to the IRS building, where his boss promptly attempts to fire him because there ain’t nobody at the IRS that wants to deal with kamikaze robot assassins. Gary argues that this would send a bad message (if you get in the way of a supercriminal, otherwise good people will abandon you to save themselves). The IRS boss doesn’t budge, but the OSI agent offers to sign off on a transfer*.
The OSI higher-ups are not pleased about that. Gary doesn’t have many OSI-worthy skills and he nearly got the team killed by wasting time arguing with them about whether he was actually in danger. However, they agree to put him through a basic skills assessment, administered by Agent Orange. (I’ll allude to the fact that AO is only on desk-duty at the moment because he has separately angered the agency bosses). AO cuts off the assessment prematurely and, as a result, they punish him by sticking him with Gary as the partner.
I have a few more things to iron out.
–Right now, I have the shapeshifter surviving without any major injuries. However, if he does get injured, it would give me some reason about why Gary’s bosses at the OSI are willing to screw with him like this.
–If introducing Agent Orange in the first few pages is critical, I can make him the third member of the team sent to protect Gary. I’d prefer to avoid introducing AO this early because I’d like to build a contrast between the professional shapeshifter/operative team and the comically inept Agent Orange/Gary.
–*I don’t have a really good reason for why the agent offers a transfer. Maybe he agrees with Gary that it would set a bad example if everybody kicks him to the curb for trying to enforce the laws. Or maybe Gary impresses him by standing up to his cowardly boss.
What do you think? I’d appreciate any thoughts or suggestions.
I spent 30 minutes on “Write or Die” and came up with a rough, rough draft for the first three pages of a new version of the beginning. I wanted something that was faster paced, easier to follow and less convoluted. What I got was robot assassins.
PAGE ONE (six panels)
Panel 1. Two OSI agents (supercops), Raul and Captain Carnage, are standing right outside the bedroom of Gary Smith, a guy they’re trying to save from assassination. Captain Carnage is a large combat operative with an assault rifle drawn in a ready position. Raul (a shapeshifter), looks smaller and has a pistol holstered on his right side. Raul gestures to Carnage that this is where the target is.
Visual notes: please make the agents look like elite cops. Gary is scared to see them, so they should look a bit intimidating.
Panel 2. They silently enter the room. Gary, a young accountant, is sleeping in pajamas. Please draw a vent on the wall somewhere.
Panel 3. The shapeshifter politely but firmly wakes up Gary.
Panel 4. In the foreground, we see the silhouette of the assault rifle held across the tank’s body. It’s not facing Gary, but it nonetheless scares him. He screams.
Panel 5. The shapeshifter grabs Gary’s mouth.
RAUL, whispering: We are federal agents. You will not scream again. Please nod.
Panel 6. Gary’s sort of in shock. He nods. In the background, we see Carnage discreetly doing surveillance through the blinds.
PAGE TWO
Panel 1.
GARY: I’m guessing this isn’t about the file-sharing.
RAUL: We’ll explain in the car.
Panel 2. Gary looks skeptically at them.
GARY: Am I under arrest?
Panel 3. The panel shifts to inside the vent. We can barely make out something robotic spying through the vent grates.
RAUL: We’re your protective detail.
Panel 4.
GARY: Whoa, whoa. There must be some mistake. I’m an IRS agent. Not a mob inform–
INSERT PANEL: The robot sticks a laser out of the vent. Raul notices but Gary does not.
Panel 5. Raul dives with Gary to the ground. The robot fires a laser but misses (give an appropriate sound-effect).
RAUL: BUG!
PAGE THREE
Panel 1. The captain shoots into the vent.
CAPTAIN: Morph him and go!
Panel 2. The captain hustles a shell-shocked Gary towards the door. The shapeshifter turns into Gary to serve as a decoy. (Two things to help the reader keep the real Gary apart from the decoy: Carnage is within an arm’s length of the real Gary at all times. Also, the decoy, although he’s wearing the same pajamas as Gary, looks far calmer than any accountant fleeing assassin robots should be).
Panel 3. Gary turns to stare at the transformation.
CAPTAIN, to GARY: He’s a shapeshifter. Keep moving!
Panel 4. Carnage leads Gary towards the front door. To get there, they have to cross a dangerously large window facing out towards the street.
Panel 5: Carnage pulls out a mirror to look out the window without getting spotted and we can see that the cops’ SUV (identifiable because of the sirens on the top) is drowning in small killer robot things.
Panel 6:
CARNAGE: They’re on the car, Raul. Looks like we need a decoy.
RAUL: The nearest sewer access is two blocks to the south. Those manholes are heavy. You remembered to rig it with explosives, right?
CARNAGE: And enough smoke canisters to block out the moon.
A few things I’d like to change in later drafts…
–I want Gary to do at least one impressive thing before this fight/chase scene is over. That’s part of the reason I’m having the shapeshifter run off (so that Gary has to drive).
–More humor! Right now, there’s only Gary’s line about the file-sharing, and that’s kind of half-assed.
I like this a lot better, and I agree with you on what you want to change later. I think contrasting the professional operatives with the team Gary and AO are going to make is a good thing, and you shouldn’t have to introduce AO yet. The action clips along briskly, it’s interesting, and there’s all kinds of things we could learn about Gary in this situation.
I like that he’s going through emotional stages here – denial, fear, guilt, etc. You could possibly ramp those up for humor, or have him worry about something completely irrelevant (his pjs? a dental appointment? the highly trained operatives seeing the mess in his kitchen?). We get to find out what he’s like under pressure in a strange and dangerous situation, and if he reacts in a way that’s not typical, he’s likely to impress Carnage. Thinking of something that didn’t occur to the highly trained ops. and turning out to be right – like making a joke about a bug in the vent and the team turns to look. Or guessing their plan to get him out.
The tricky thing here is that you have 3 straights to try to play off each other. Agent Orange is an oddball, and Gary’s the straightman for most of your story. Here, Gary’s role is going to have to be the oddball to play off of (primarily) Capt. Carnage. You’ll have to bring a different brand of humor into these scenes than you’re used to, because Gary won’t be as outrageous as AO, and because the pros can’t be either if you’re using them for contrast. My first thought is to have him on painkillers (for a legitimate reason, of course) so he can have a reason to be a bit more bizarre than his usual self. That could stifle his panic reflex, making him look calm in the face of an attempted assasination, and let him to say stuff out loud that he’d never ordinarily dare. He might not even fully wake up until he’s in the car.
So, that’s my .02 cents. Hope it helps
Also, I’d like to differentiate Raul’s personality from Carnage. They’re not major characters, but it’s particularly important that they’re interesting because they’re the most visible characters at the start.
I think that’s an astute observation about the lack of a funny-man in this scene. One thing I’d like to try that might raise fewer questions than painkillers would be playing up Carnage’s funniness without compromising his professionalism. For one thing, he is utterly used to this whole robot assassin thing and it’s second-nature to him to rig a manhole cover to explode in case the shapeshifter needs an alternate escape route.
In the car, when there’s a lull in the action and they’re just talking, I think it’ll be easier to give him funny lines.
ah… so Capt. Carnage could have a line like, “hey, you should be flattered – they sent the upgrades after you!” which would showcase just how often he sees robot assassins and give Gary something to freak out over.
I think if Carnage is going to be the funny one here, Raul should be extra serious, maybe genuinely concerned about Gary. Carnage might have the “oh, you’ll be fine. Even if they shoot you, the lasers cauterize the hole so you won’t bleed to death,” attitude.
okay, going to bed now.
Here are pages 4-6 of the new version of my comic book script. As before, these are a very, very rough first draft. Please see pages 1-3 here.
PAGE FOUR
Panel 1. Raul runs off.
Panel 2. Without moving his gaze from the mirror he’s holding in one hand, Carnage dangles his car key in front of Gary with his other hand.
CARNAGE: When he sets off the explosive charges, we run to the car. Twenty seconds.
Panel 3. Close-up on Gary’s face as he’s staring at the key. Whatever he was expecting to do this morning, playing getaway driver with killer robots wasn’t high on the list.
GARY: I’m driving?
CARNAGE: I assume you have more experience with a car than an assault rifle, and you’re handling one or the other. Ten seconds.
NOTE TO ARTIST: Carnage later uses his gun in a car. If it’d be too unwieldy to show him using a rifle in a car, we can work with submachine guns instead. Just let me know.
Panel 4. Gary silently takes the key.
Panel 5-8 are a series of four small shots from the perspective of Carnage’s mirror. In panel 5, the robots are guarding the car as before, facing a variety of directions. In panel 6, they’re all facing off-panel (towards Raul running towards the manhole, but we can’t see that) and firing their lasers. In panel 7, the bombs go off (use an appropriate sound-effect) and there’s a flash of light. In panel 8, there’s smoke everywhere and all of the robots start running off-panel and firing their lasers haphazardly through the thick smoke.
PAGE FIVE
Panel 1. Gary and Carnage run out the door. Carnage has his rifle drawn, but he’s not firing. (Because the sound would alert the robots).
Panel 2. Carnage does a badass acrobatic stunt leaping over the car. It’s still very smoky but this does not throw off Carnage.
Panel 3. Gary stumbles into the car.
Panel 4. Gary fumbles with the key.
Panel 5. Carnage is scowling as he scans the back of the car.
CARNAGE: Back is clear.
Panel 6. Gary turns the keys and the engine turns on.
SFX: rrrrrrrrrr
GARY: Yes!
PAGE SIX
Panel 1.
GARY: Easy enough. Now what?
Panel 2. There’s a bump (the sound of a robot jumping on the car).
SFX: THUMP
CARNAGE: Duck.
Panel 3. The robot uses something sharp to stab down through the top of the car.
GARY: AH!
Panel 4. Carnage shoots several rounds above Gary’s head.
CARNAGE: Amateurs. Getting on the roof never helps.
Panel 5. We see the car ripping off in the direction away from the manhole.
Plot notes for pages 7-9…
The captain brings Gary to the IRS building. Gary’s boss is craven. Gary is dressed like a wreck– in smoky pajamas, slippers, generally bent out of shape, etc. The boss fires him. The agent is in on the conversation. He knows something about the work infraction that nearly got Gary killed, a supercriminal targeted for an audit. Gary doesn’t recognize the name Hex Abrams.
GARY: But I started 20 audits yesterday.
CAPTAIN: Well, 19 of them weren’t robotics experts wanted for questioning in twelve countries.
Gary’s boss fires him for bringing this on the office. In the ensuing showdown, Gary impresses the captain by taking a stand for what’s right over what’s convenient. The boss points out that’s not very practical: he’s happy doing a job that’s 99% good enough rather than trying to do more and getting killed.
GARY: You want me to drop an investigation because the target is a homicidal maniac?
(Silence).
BOSS: I want you to take your problems elsewhere. [Possible addition: I have kids].
The agent points out that wouldn’t be setting a very good precedent. The captain says that, if the investigation has any merit, the supervisor should support it even though Gary stumbled into it. The boss gets upset with the OSI interfering with his business. “You run your office, I’ll run mine. If you have a problem with that, why don’t YOU take him?” “Fair enough.”
The captain speaks with Gary outside. “I can’t guarantee anything else about us, but we don’t drop cases. We drop bodies.”
I have pages 7-10 of the new first draft ready. If you’d like, you can see pages 1-3 here and 4-6 here.
PAGE SEVEN:
Panel 1. The car pulls up to a security checkpoint outside the IRS building. One of those fairly low-key guard post thingies. We can see Gary holding up his IRS ID card to the guard. (He’s still wearing his smoking, mildly charred pajamas and please don’t forget any damage the car took from before).
Panel 2.
GUARD: Who’s your guest?
Panel 3. The captain flashes his gun(s) at the roof. He is not in a joking mood right now.
Panel 4. The guard looks unnerved and he raises the gate.
Panel 5. Gary driving past the checkpost. The guard stares at the car as it leaves. Make this a sort of wacky panel– it is not often that an IRS guard gets to see a battle-scarred car driven onto the lot.
Panel 6. Gary and the Captain are sitting outside of the office of Gary’s boss. This should look like pretty banal– Gary works for the IRS, and government accountants aren’t very stylistically daring. (In contrast, the OSI building can look a lot more daring).
GARY, head in hands: There are robots trying to kill me.
CAPTAIN: Hex Abrams.
PAGE EIGHT
Panel 1.
GARY: That sounds vaguely familiar.
CAPTAIN: You flagged him for an audit yesterday.
Panel 2.
GARY: And twenty others. So?
CAPTAIN: Twenty of them weren’t robotics masterminds wanted for questioning in twelve countries.
Panel 3.
GARY: And now he’s trying to kill me?
CAPTAIN: Sociopathic mass murderers do have that tendency.
Panel 4.
RECEPTIONIST: Your supervisor will see you now, Mr. Smith.
Panel 5. Gary sits down in the chair opposite the boss’ desk. The boss looks weaselly. The captain assumes a guard position, watching out the window. However, since this isn’t a combat situation, his gun(s) are holstered.
Panel 6.
SUPERVISOR: You’ve gotten yourself caught up in dangerous business.
GARY: Yes, well, I’m glad to be back.
Panel 7.
The boss stares at Gary. He’s about to fire Gary.
PAGE NINE
Panel 1.
SUPERVISOR: Gary, we are not equipped to handle this case. This situation is a major distraction from our regular taxwork.
GARY: My preliminary work suggests that there is evidence of felony tax evasion.
Panel 2.
SUPERVISOR: The Abrams case does not interest the IRS.
GARY, flummoxed: You want me to drop an investigation because the target is a homicidal maniac?
Panel 3.
Awkward silence.
Panel 4.
SUPERVISOR: I want you to take your problems elsewhere. It’s only a matter of time before somebody gets killed on this case.
GARY: Sir, if we don’t work the tough cases, what’s the point?
SUPERVISOR: I’m not explaining to somebody’s widow why investigating 99% of tax cases wasn’t good enough. Pack your things.
Panel 5.
CAPTAIN: Firing him would send a bad message. Special Investigations has enough trouble as it is getting help on these cases.
SUPERVISOR: You run your office. I’ll run mine. If you have a problem with that, why don’t you take him?
Panel 6. The captain sizes up Gary. He’s seriously thinking about this. Gary looks hesitant.
PAGE TEN
Panel 1. Gary and the Captain walking out of the office.
GARY: I don’t think it would be wise.
CAPTAIN: If I cared about wise, I would have kicked you to the robots and called it a day.
Panel 2.
GARY: Umm, thanks.
Panel 3. Awkward silence. The Captain tries walking off. Gary follows, not understanding that the Captain is leaving him.
Panel 4.
CAPTAIN, annoyed: You’re still following me.
GARY, confused: Uhh… yeah.
Panel 5.
CAPTAIN: I’ve decided I have wiser things to do. Like apply to the IRS. I hear they have an opening for a wuss.
Panel 6.
GARY: Could I convince you to give up on wisdom?
CAPTAIN: I’m listening.
Plotting notes for pages 11-15:
Gary is convinced to come to the OSI or deal with his security on his own. So he does. The Captain speaks with his bosses as Gary does the screening with Agent Orange. I’d like this to connect as smoothly as possible into the five pages that have already been colored. Otherwise I’ll have to pay to have them redone.
The OSI boss (Marty Stull) is upset about the transfer but lets it happen. “What are we going to do with him?” He’d be like an anchor for any team. Namely, drowning them. No known superpowers. Combat skills? Hah. He is pretty good at driving. (“It’s a start”). He’s handling the robot death situation as well as any accountant could be expected to. (Delayed onset PTSD?) Scared, but not broken.
Instead of having the Captain/Stull conversation in an office, do it on a firing range. They think he could be a break in the Abrams case. We have a pretty good idea that he will try again. I’d like to have him out in public, doing cases. With a combat operative. (He volunteers– it was his idea). Please. You and Raul do good work. If anybody’s going to suffer… I have just the mutant in mind.
Instead of having the captain/Stull conversation lead up to the Gary/Orange scene, another option would be cutting back and forth between the two scenes.
NOTE: I will have to make some minor changes to the five colored pages, to reflect that Gary is not interviewing for a prospective job, but I think those changes would mainly involve the lettering/words rather than the art. For example, instead of addressing Gary as a prospective accountant, Agent Orange would probably address Gary as “partner” or something like that. Instead of eating Gary’s resume, I’ll probably turn that into something like a service brief or the letter telling Orange that Gary is his new partner. One key plotting change that I have to make– and I haven’t thought this through yet– is what Agent Orange would be doing with Gary if not interviewing him. Something like an orientation session comes to mind. (More like disorientation).
Sounds good – I especially like the idea of AO in charge of Gary’s orientation
You could get a lot of mileage out of that.
I think the core of AO’s humor is that he has a uniquely ethnic sense of pride and bravado from his background and temperament. His explanation of OSI’s policies to an outsider is going to be seriously skewed – and Gary’s not going to know any better. So some of Gary’s inevitable screwups can be the fault of bad information. Speaking as a reader, having Gary be totally inept all on his own would cause me to lose respect and interest in him pretty soon – but at this point I’d be willing to give him a chance if he was mostly misinformed. I’ve had that kind of job myself – hearing one thing from the person who was training me, and getting chewed out by the manager for doing what I’d been told.
One thought about Gary getting fired – I don’t know if his boss would be so openly craven. He might throw some weak excuses first before he’s convinced to tell the real reason he wants Gary gone. He’d tell Gary he’s late and breaking the dress code on the first day of a new no-tolerance policy at the IRS first, I think. Then someone could call him on it and he’d have to admit that he’s scared he’ll be next.
Also, the car chase could be a little more exciting and call on Gary’s skills as a driver more – right now the case to impress Capt. Carnage is a bit weak, I think. Maybe the road could be suddenly blocked and he’d have to do a 3-point turn, get blocked in the middle of the second point, and have to drive the rest of the way in reverse. (I rescued a turtle from the middle of the road today, which involved a 3-pt. turn in a Suburban, so that’s what’s on my mind, anyway. Biggest box turtle I’ve ever seen – I thought it might be an alligator snapping turtle at first, but nope, just a regular turtle
)
I had a thought on the “Why don’t they just fire Agent Orange?” question. The conversation:
Character 1: “If he’s that unstable and nobody will work with him, why not just fire him?”
Character 2: “Rumor has it he has ties to the EPA.”
Char. 1: (puzzled) “The… Environmental Protection Agency?”
Char. 2: (shudders) “Yeah. _Nobody_ messes with the EPA.”
That’s all for now – hope it helps
Thanks for the help, Roseaponi.
I agree that he hasn’t done much to impress the agent. At the very least, a minor driving stunt would help.
As for explaining why they don’t fire him, I was thinking that mutagen is a significant plot device for the villain. Also, it’d be handy for me to have some sort of easy mass origin on hand for minor characters. So maybe Agent Orange’s blood is a critical ingredient in the serum that (temporarily) gives some OSI agents superpowers. (Some of the characters will have brief individual origins, but some minor characters don’t even deserve a sentence).
Also, making mutant blood a critical ingredient would help explain 1) why there aren’t millions of superpowered people running around and 2) why it would take an unusually well-equipped criminal organization to make the serum and 3) why kidnapping Agent Orange might actually be remotely logical even though he’s sort of kill-tacular.
…
If his bosses at the OSI don’t fire him, maybe it’s because they need the blood and have other ways to get back at him, like putting him on desk-duty or something else unpleasant. That’s probably what would happen in real life, anyway, because it is excruciatingly difficult to fire government employees.
…
If Gary asks him why he doesn’t get fired, maybe Orange says it’s nepotism. After all, his father is the greatest gator-magician since Houdini.
…
Hmm. The EPA would be an interesting contact for Agent Orange, but I was sort of thinking that Agent Orange would treat them as more of an enemy. I mean, umm, a mutant alligator that owes everything to an Everglades chemical spill would have unconventional ideas about the value of environmental standards, right? (Also, I’d like to portray any job I associate with myself in a negative light to avoid writing myself in as a Mary Sue).
PAGE 11
Panel 1. The Captain is talking with his boss on the OSI firing range. The Captain’s boss, the oddly beautiful and perfect Marty Stull, is doing something ridiculous like going nuts on two targets with two guns. (Please note: firing ranges are really loud, so these guys should have earphones and eye protection).
CAPTION: Special Investigations Headquarter
Panel 2. Marty is looking skeptically over his shoulder at the captain but still taking preposterous shots without even looking. If possible, please do something unusual with the targets, like having them race at the shooter to simulate combat shooting.
MARTY STULL: An accountant?
Panel 2. Big panel.
MARTY STULL: Does he have any superpowers?
CAPTAIN: No.
MARTY STULL: Combat experience?
CAPTAIN: No.
MARTY STULL: Bomb disposal?
CAPTAIN: No.
MARTY STULL: Piloting experience?
CAPTAIN: None.
MARTY STULL: Major criminal casework?
CAPTAIN: Nothing bigger than tax evasion.
MARTY STULL: Computer skills?
CAPTAIN: Word and Excel.
Panel 3.
MARTY STULL: What CAN he do?
CAPTAIN: Accounting, sir.
MARTY STULL: Let me rephrase that. What can he do in a case that isn’t the exclusive jurisdiction of the IRS?
CAPTAIN: As long as he’s alive, he’s bait to Hex Abrams.
PAGE TWELVE
Panel 1. Marty smiles. If possible, in the background, we should be able to see that Marty’s accuracy with his guns is extraordinary even though he’s firing two guns without looking. Even the boss here is not to be trifled with.
MARTY: Not even Hex would come for him here.
CAPTAIN: He’d need to be on fieldwork. Working cases that Abrams would be wise to. Super-crime, especially high-tech cases.
Panel 2. Cut away to investigators closely examining the remains of the robots outside Gary’s house.
CAPTAIN, off-panel: Every time Abrams moves, we get closer to terminating the case.
Panel 3. The captain looks uncomfortable, because he senses that Marty is about to stick him as Gary’s partner.
MARTY, looking at the Captain: He will need a battle-savvy partner.
Panel 4. Marty rules out the Captain as the partner, which makes the Captain visibly excited.
MARTY: No, not you. Somebody completely useless outside of combat. An agent we wouldn’t miss.
Panel 5.
CAPTAIN: Somebody on desk duty for threatening to eat a district attorney?
MARTY, smiling: When did you learn how to read minds?
Plot notes for pages 13-18…
This would probably be one page of Carnage taking Gary into the OSI building and leaving him in the lobby, and then the five pages of Gary meeting Agent Orange for some sort of new employee orientation that goes horribly, horribly awry.
Here are some adaptations I’d need to do to make this scene work here.
–Gary wouldn’t be applying for work. I assume that this would be some sort of orientation instead. With significant artistic changes, I could make it a personality profile or something like that.
–Instead of looking at Gary’s resume, AO would probably be looking at something like a letter from Stull explaining that Gary will be his new partner, or Gary’s IRS service record. The service record would work very similarly to the original resume– AO would still be dismayed to see that there is no evidence of badassery/heavy weapons training, etc.
–On page 10, Gary and the Captain are talking in the IRS building. On page 11-12, the Captain is talking with Marty Stull at the OSI building. I’d like a smoother transition than just having Gary appear by himself in the OSI lobby on page 13. For example, maybe the Captain leaves him in the lobby and goes on his way. (Note: this would complicate pages 11-12, where the captain is shown talking with Stull at the shooting range without Gary). –> Eureka! If I have the Captain leave Gary in the lobby and THEN show the Captain talking with Stull, it will make sense. I just need to insert the lobby page ahead of the Captain/Stull scene.
–AO would probably know at the start of the orientation session that Gary is his partner, but that’s not a given. For one thing, the piece of paper could give him that information in such a way that it’s a surprise to him. (If he knows at the start of the orientation session, I can have him refer to an e-mail or a phone call from the captain or something).
–One minor artistic change that might make sense is showing where Agent Orange gets the paper from. It’s sort of implied that he draws it from the same place he was holding his book, but I think it could be clearer.
–Instead of “VISITORS, DO NOT PROCEED WITHOUT ID TAG,” the sign should probably say “VISITORS, DO NOT PROCEED UNACCOMPANIED.” After all, he doesn’t actually get an ID tag, but he does get accompaniment.
–Can you think of anything else? Thanks for the help.
For your easy reference, I have pages 1-12 of the new version of my script available for download here.
What do you think?
It’s still extremely rough around the edges, but I feel that the pacing is a lot smoother and the story is easier to follow.
I like this pretty intensely. I was a little disorientated at the beginning, but I think that just comes from out-of-order reading. What issue is this? I was familiar with the script that involved the car bomb in the beginning.
I just had a few things to point out…
- Page 3, Panel 6: When Raul says “You remembered to rig it with explosives, right?”, I found it a little hard to remember that the “it” referred to the car. Maybe rephrasing it as “You remembered to rig the thing/the car with explosives, right?” would help.
- Page 4, Panel 6: Firing their lasers… hehehe.
- Page 7, Panel 6: “This should look like pretty banal.” You stuck an extra word in, there.
- Page 10: I was laughing pretty hard at this whole page. My sister told me to shut up
Using Gary to bait Hex Abrams is very clever. Totally plausible. And at the end, they’re obviously talking about Agent Orange, right?
Hopefully he’s introduced doing something completely bizarre. This cliff hanger reminds me of the beginning of Zoolander, when Mugatu is like “Where am I going to find someone that pigheaded?!” and then it flashes to Derek… hehe.
This would be the new version of issue 1. I thought that the version that started with the car-bombing took too long to get into the action. For example, Agent Orange gets introduced on page 14 of the new version instead of 24.
Because I’ve already spent the money on the art for the five sample pages, he’ll be introduced in largely the same way he was in the original. (Gary waiting in the lobby and then getting surprised by Orange).
Ah, I agree with you that “rig it with explosives” could be clearer. I actually meant the manhole. (He blows the sewer open and then escapes down that way).
Yes, the guy that’s on desk duty for threatening to eat a district attorney is Agent Orange.
Good, I really liked that introduction. This is a pretty good introduction to Gary, as well. Shows his general ineptitude
And… wow, yeah, that sentence could definitely be clearer, if I managed to screw up the entire scene in my head. /Facepalm.
I like where it seems to be going so far. It gets right into the action and doesn’t stop, which is how comics should be. A few nitpicks, though…
1. To help differentiate the real Gary from the shapeshifter, maybe instead of the demeanor, there should be something visual, like height or hair color to tell which is which.
2. If you can’t decide between having CC call his boss or talk to him on the firing range, would having perspective shift between CC and Stull at the firing range be a better alternative? That way the conversation stays and Stull is still portrayed as a badass that can dual-wield without looking.
3. I’m not sure if you have it in page 13, but maybe there could be a cut to a flashback to show AO’s crazy side? Maybe him putting a gun to said DA’s head with his teeth bared and covered in spit, like he’s ready to eat?
These are just my opinion, though. Keep up the great work!
Hi B. Mac
I really like this for issue one – the firing range scenes are a good idea, as is the plot reason for the OSI wanting Gary. That just made things so much clearer.
Differentiating between Gary and the shapeshifter, there’s not a whole lot you can do without defeating the purpose of having a shapeshifter. Maybe the shapeshifter would still be wearing combat boots, or the real Gary might grab a jacket on the way out (suit jacket plus pj pants and bare feet would be hilarious).
I’m still lobbying for Gary’s driving to do something exciting.
The EPA/AO relationship could go both ways. All AO’s gator family and forbears owe a lot to the EPA for keeping their habitat safe from development, and he is proud of where he’s from. He could be totally exploiting the fact that he exists because of a violation of EPA regulations. Or, like you say, he could consider them enemies if he got the idea that they didn’t want him to exist. Or, you could just let it be a rumor. So long as your characters are allowed to wonder why AO hasn’t been fired, you’ve addressed the issue enough for most readers.
I have only one question for the AO blood serum detail – how do they get him to sit still and let them draw his blood? Does he know why they need it, or do they tell him it’s a health thing that everybody does, or a test to make sure he’s still as tough as he was last month, or what? Other than that, I really like it. One simple scene involving that would explain why the OSI needs AO and add layers to the plot and characters. It just screams exploitation – it casts a shadow on the OSI’s methods & motives, and gives AO a (much-needed IMO) sympathetic side. Even Gary at his most fed-up would feel like maybe Agent Orange deserves somebody on his side after learning he’s being duped into having his blood exploited.
Hmm. I know he’s sometimes stupid and always crazy, but I was assuming that readers could forgive that if he was generally friendly/well-meaning. (For example, he never hates on anyone more controversial or sensitive than Georgians, Norwegians and other wholly anodyne targets).
I like the idea of developing the OSI by having them lie to Agent Orange about his blood, but I think it would help if they had some reason to lie. If they said upfront “hey, Orange, we need your blood to help your teammates,” what reason would AO have to say no that would be consistent with his characterization?
If there was one Canadian team mate (International task force) and they wouldn’t guarantee the Canadian wouldn’t also get blood.
Hey!
Maybe something completely crazy, like a superstition alligators have…
“If there was one Canadian team mate (International task force) and they wouldn’t guarantee the Canadian wouldn’t also get blood.” I love this!
…
“Hey! Maybe something completely crazy, like a superstition alligators have…” A superstition about Canadians!
Oh, okay, fine
Maybe it could involve mayonnaise, or poutine.
Oops, methinks Becca is Canadian… *facepalm!*
Indeed!
Yeah, it’s kind of my thing
Your thing is that your Canadian? That’s not a thing, it’s a birth defect. Joking, I have nothing against Canadians. I’m Scottish, we only hate the English. It’s kind of our thing.
Incidentally, I do should get a better “thing” than being Canadian. Go get a piercing in a weird place or something.
Or maybe I should go get all those Harry Potter tattoos I have planned…
Advertisements!? B. Mac, you sellout. How could you?
Just kidding. Although I do wonder what’s the reason for the advertisements. Just today I was the winner of the day.
Advertisements? I haven’t added any advertisements. Is anybody else seeing ads?
My brother’s laptop once got a virus that made pop-up ads. Updating your antivirus software may fix the problem.
Great Stuff B.mac! When are you sending it out?
When I have a version of the script I like enough to send. Right now, I’m about 25 pages into version 2, which I think is significantly better than version 1, and I’d like to have 36-38 pages before tightening the story to 32 pages in rewrite.
Oh alright. I just thought you were close to sending it because from what I’ve read, it’s really. really good.
Thanks. I anticipate that it’ll be at least a few months. Then again, I’ve been saying that for the last year or so.
by the way, I reposted Chapter five and added a few things. Consider Chapter four null and void for now.
Hey, did you ever get my email?
Yeah, SR. I sent a response earlier today.
Panel 1. Agent Black is doing paperwork in his office. We see a closed window behind him. We can see a skyscraper in the background and it looks like we’re pretty high up.
Panel 2. Through the window, we can see Agent Orange’s head peeping out. He’s climbed up the building and is about to surprise Gary by coming in through the window.
Panel 3. The window is open and Agent Orange is right behind Agent Black.
Panel 4. Agent Orange yells at Agent Black.
AGENT ORANGE: Greetings!
AGENT BLACK, caught off-guard: GAH! Don’t you ever use a door?
Panel 5.
AGENT ORANGE: Perhaps if I were an utterly lifeless Georgian, I would. But then I would not be the star of a video game.
AGENT BLACK: Huh–
Panel 6. Agent Orange shows off a video game to Black.
AGENT BLACK, head in hands: Oh God no.
Panel 7.
AGENT ORANGE: My only regret is that it is at best an incomplete portrayal of a career as an American civil servant! There are very many things I do besides efficiently and cheerfully meting out justice.
AGENT BLACK, gesturing at the paperwork he was working on at his desk: Like paperwork?
Page 2, panel 1.
AGENT ORANGE: Awesome things. I am certain that the ever-badass life of a civil servant could be made into titillating entertainment even without the lurid violence.
AGENT BLACK, returning to his paperwork: Uh, okay. Good luck with that.
Panel 2. Agent Orange has a Eureka moment.
Panel 3. This is a huge panel of a video game Agent Orange imagines that’s based on Dance Dance Revolution. In big letters at the top, it says DANCE DANCE CONSTITUTION.
The panel is a mix of a split-screen DDR game featuring Agent Orange on one side and Agent Black on the other. They’re both answering questions from Congress, and Agent Orange is faring much better.
Like DDR, each move has a grade.
On the Agent Orange side, we have moves and grades like…
“Clearly the Founding Fathers would not have named us the Executive Branch unless they wanted us to execute people, you wily jackalope.” –> NICE
“Perhaps I would’ve bothered to read your legislation if I had not been busy saving the world from killer parakeets!” –> AWESOME
“Your bold slanders have proven only that we can’t spell ‘useless’ without ‘u.’”–> HIT HIM AGAIN!
[This next move is the bottom one, so it's the one we can see him pulling right now].
“Mr. Congressman, I find you guilty of aggravated tomfoolery and shenanigans in the first degree and sentence you to a nameplate correction.” (Agent Orange is holding up a nameplate that’s had the letters “gress” crudely scratched out to read CON—–MAN).–> SICK-NASTY!
On the Agent Black side of the screen, Agent Black is getting destroyed. We have moves and grades like…
“So the grenade launcher was loaded. It could have happened to anybody!” –> UHH…
“Not necessarily! It depends on your definition of ‘gross incompetence.’” –> WEAK SAUCE
“Oh, damn. I’m under oath, right?” –> PLEAD THE FIFTH!
This next one is the bottom one, so it has a visual of Agent Black looking utterly baffled.
“Uhh… executive privilege?” –> DIDN’T WORK FOR NIXON, EITHER
[end scene]
Well, umm, I hope that wasn’t as gratuitously arcane as it felt.
I don’t know why this occurs to me, but I wonder if you couldn’t do a funny bit where they’re arguing about what it means when the safety is ‘off’ on a weapon. That should make AB crazy: he’s safer when the safety is off–because then he can _fire_! He’s not safe when he can’t shoot someone. That defeats the whole purpose.
No? In my head it’s funny.
Is ‘lifeless Georgian’ strong enough?
V. much like Executive/execute.
I have a random Gary-Agent Orange scenelet. (Not correctly formatted into comic book pages, but just imagine I inserted panels as appropriate).
GARY: …And now my landlord is threatening to evict me!
AGENT ORANGE: Clearly you require the counsel of gatorly wisdom.
GARY: The only thing I require is a pay-raise.
AGENT ORANGE: The only thing you are getting is gatorly wisdom.
GARY: I’m not eating my landlord.
AGENT ORANGE: Hah! When an alligator requires financial consideration, teeth are scarcely required.
GARY, bewildered/annoyed: And how is that supposed to help me?
AGENT ORANGE: The necessary charm and hygiene would present a challenge, true. Hmm…
AGENT ORANGE: Are you sure eating your landlord is off the table?
An alligator with puppy dog eyes.
…
I’m going to go explode from laughter now.
- Wings
I would run this scene past my penciler before actually using it. Even in a series where the art sometimes goes off on anime-like breaks from reality (like Gary magically gaining a monocle and white gloves), I am not 100% sure that it’s possible to depict a vaguely recognizable adult alligator with any degree of cuteness.
That said, if it were possible, I think the scene would be very amusing.
We got up to 750,000 page-views. That’s a total of almost 18,500 hours of reading. Muahaha! The madness is spreading.
Minor point of plausibility for authors writing police, soldiers, teachers and other government characters: it is REALLY hard for such characters to get fired. Do you remember the guy that murdered 13 people at Fort Hood back in November? Umm, yeah, he’s still on the military payroll. Less explosively, only about 1 out of 1000 tenured teachers in the Los Angeles public school system are fired each year, usually for a felony and/or MAJOR misconduct. (NOT sufficient to get fired: telling a child “you should cut yourself with something sharper next time” after a suicide attempt or keeping a stash of pornography, marijuana and vials with cocaine residue at school or making sexually charged remarks to students and instructing girls to “bark like seals” while they did push-ups.).
…
–If/when your protagonists anger their superior, the superior can make their lives miserable in a number of ways, but unless there’s a felony involved, firing them is probably not plausible. Alternative forms of retribution include undesirable and/or riskier assignments, fewer resources, replacing useful teammates with burnt-out chaff, making life hell for anybody that cooperates with the protagonist, etc.
Agent Orange: Even though you have thus far miserably failed to strangle a terrorist with his own intestines, the American people nevertheless hold out some hope that you will amount to something.
Gary: Well, I’m an IRS agent–
Agent Orange: –Something honorable!
…
In completely unrelated news, an Arkansas commentator got fired for wearing a Florida Gators hat to a press conference. This further proves that college football is as much a religion as a sport. It even has heretics and martyrs! Predicting a job offer from the Gator Nation in 3… 2… 1…
In this sequence, Keanu Reeves appears to Agent Orange in a dream. I’ll probably have to replace KR with Abraham Lincoln for legal reasons.
Panel 1. Agent Orange’s lair. The lights are dim and he’s asleep. (He’s wearing a nightcap, but he’s still in full trenchcoat-and-boots combat gear).
Voice (off-panel): Agent Orange. You’re gonna die.
Panel 2.
AGENT ORANGE CAPTION: That voice. It could only be…
Fist-pumping, ecstatic Agent Orange: KEANU REEVES!
Panel 3.
Agent Orange turns around and sees KR standing, bemused.
KR: Uhh, you’re gonna die, right here. I said that the first time, right? Month to live?
Panel 4.
AO, pensive: In glorious battle?
KR: Your demise will be so gruesome, pathetic and humiliating that Florida will pick another state fruit just to avoid any association with you.
Panel 5.
AO, horrified: Like “Speed 2″ bad?
KR, embarrassed: “Sweet November” bad.
Panel 6.
AO: This cannot stand!
KR: The only thing that won’t be standing is you.
Panel 6.
AO, surly: But telling me guarantees that it will not happen. I need simply to avoid skyscrapers.
Page 2, panel 1.
Zoom-in on a part of the White House.
Panels 2-4: do something visually cool to show us that this skyscraper has a clear shot on the White House. (Note: this scene isn’t accurate to DC geography). Imply that the suicidal mission might be important to buy time.
Panel 5.
KR: If you thought you had any chance, you’d take it, right?
AO: Gleefully!
KR: It will happen.
The police successfully rescued all the hostages taken by a gunman that was not merely a psychopath, but a squirrel sympathizer.
This is like a who’s who of the nefarious underbelly of the animal world. Long-time readers already knew that polar bears are schoolteacher-mauling ecoterrorists and raccoons prey on 74-year grandmothers and the squirrels are, of course, vagrant crack-addicted rodents with a penchant for profanity. But I (along with anybody from Detroit) am shocked that lions and tigers are in cahoots with the terrorists. All previous evidence suggested that they were completely helpless.
Hmm. I just had a dream that the Saints beat the Vikings 46-40 in the NFL opener. Somehow I don’t see it happening.
[POSTGAME UPDATE: Saints win 14-9]
As someone majoring in psychology, I feel it is my duty to inform you that you nuts. I know nuts is kind of a technical term, but you can probably get it explain to you by the professional you obviously need to see.
I don’t think Brett Favre will play any games in the second half of the season, but I think they’re really good with him at QB. Without him, they’re like a lesser version of the New York Jets (strong running game and defense, but no passing game to speak of) and I don’t see the Jets making the playoffs this year. Or the Vikings, for that matter–the Packers are too good and the Vikings rely too much on a quarterback that is old enough to be the father of the younger half of the team.
While we’re on the subject of football-related catastrophes, I’m guessing that #2 OSU will get wasted this week by #12 Miami, even though the game is at Ohio and Ohio is favored to win by 9.5 points.
Sadly, Ole Miss lost a heartbreaker against George Lucas.
The Bears are 3-0. Yahhhhhh Bears.
Did you like how easily I jumped from 3-0 to a Super Bowl reference? Yahhhhhh delusional Bears fan.
If I email what I’ve got so far, would you look at it and give me advice/pointers?
Sure. I can be reached at superheronation-at-gmail-dot-com.
AGENT BLACK: You know what they say. If at first you don’t succeed–
AGENT ORANGE: Hide the bodies and deny all involvement.
AGENT BLACK: …
AGENT BLACK: I don’t think that’s what they say.
AGENT ORANGE: Then you are not listening to the right people!
This probably a bit late to ask, but did you get my email attachment?
This is a harebrained scene that really could be a lot tighter and funnier than it is right now. I’m far too tired.
Panel 1. Gary pushes a South Korean bill with an evidence tag at a robber in an interrogation room.
Panel 2.
GARY: Where’d you get that?
Panel 3.
CRIMINAL: I dunno.
Panel 4.
GARY: You stole it, didn’t you?
CRIMINAL: No.
Panel 5.
GARY: How about this. I don’t really care about a misdemeanor theft charge. I don’t. I’ll give you a minute to come clean and then the tax forms come out and felony charges start raining cats and dogs.
Panel 6.
CRIMINAL: I forgot where I got it.
Panel 7
Gary shakes an intimidating binder of material at him.
GARY (making up a patently ridiculous crime to pretend to charge him with): We know everything about your off-shore bank accounts, the money laundering, and the time-shares in Miami and Beverly Hills–
CRIMINAL, angry: –Timeshares, my ass! You think I’d be in Detroit?
Panel 8
GARY: I’ve had a look at your assets and there seem to be certain… discrepancies between what you have and the income you’ve reported over the past few years. Good news, though. You won’t go to prison alone. Your parents, your uncle, one big family reunion in the Big House. And your sisters, too.
Panel 9
INFURIATED CRIMINAL: You leave them out of this!
The criminal grabs Gary’s tie–this isn’t very violent but it is (barely) a crime.
CAPTION, with arrow pointed at the hand holding the tie: MISDEMEANOR SIMPLE BATTERY
Panel 10
The angle changes and we can see Agent Orange hanging out of one of the ceiling tiles. The mutant alligator drops into a ludicrous comic-book kick, doing something like a drop-bomb to the neck. Feel free to take as much as space as you need with this.
Panel 11
Change of scene. Agent Orange is with Gary, narrating to a prosecutor what went on.
AGENT ORANGE: After the accountant used his only life skill, making everybody want to attack him, the arresting alligator promptly and spectacularly kung-fu’d the criminal into the next time-zone!
PROSECUTOR: I can’t put that in the arrest report.
Panel 12
AGENT ORANGE: You will!
Panel 13.
Change of scene again. The agents, a judge, and a prosecutor are discussing the case in a discreet chat before an arraignment hearing. (The criminal is in the background, bandaged up like a mummy).
JUDGE: The arrest report failed to mention how the defendant sustained eighteen broken bones in an arrest for simple battery.
AGENT ORANGE, looking accusingly at the prosecutor: Promptly and spectacularly!
Hey, you wanted me to remind you to email me. So, here’s the reminder.
Thanks. I’ll get right on it.
Panel 11 is excellent and Panel 13 is great follow up. However the actual interrogation seems a little bland and drawn out. Certainly the accountant could make the criminal want to kill him faster than 8 panels, he is an accountant after all.
Honestly, though, as I take a second look the dialogue looks good, maybe just double up on a panel or two.
I agree with you about the interrogation. I’ve had trouble making Gary fun and interesting. I think I need to spice up his personality with some trait that stands out on its own rather than just making him the “normal” foil to all of the wackiness going on around him.
I think Gary fits the story and works as a character. Being able to annoy people to the point of wanting to kill (or eat) him is an excellent trait for a character who is obviously a protagonist. His dry personality works in stark contrast with Agent Orange.
Hello, B.Mac, my good companion!
I’m not entirely sure if this request is part of the Superhero Nation package, but I figure you’re knowledgable enough to make a few suggestions. Of course, I’m trying to get better at writing and to do that I have to get better at reading. So, would you suggest any exemplary works? Or authors? I really want to learn to use literary devices (namely symbolism) well and get better at scene building.
Any suggestions?
I know I’m not who you asked, but I would suggest reading just about anything published along the same lines as what you want to write. Not only will this be the top 1% of what is being written Ragged, but it should also show you what is being printed currently. Reading an exemplary story from 20 years ago, may still be a great read, but it won’t necessarily reflect what is selling today.
(Steps back for someone with more experience to *whack* im upside the head.)
I think Sean’s advice (reading works in your field) is very sound. If you’re looking for older works targeted to scene-building, here are some that I think do it well.
–Bitter Seeds
–The Sun Also Rises
–Infinite Jest, which is substantially harder to read but is a cult classic among male college students
–the Harry Potter series
For symbolism…
–Lord of the Flies
–The Great Gatsby
–The Watchmen (although you’ve already read it)
For symbolism, I’d recommed the original Truancy novel.
This Discovery News piece might as well have been written by Agent Orange.
Small, cute rodents posing a grave threat to humans? Check.
Situation resolved by killing said rodents? Check.
Floridians celebrating the end of “otter’s reign of terror”? Check.
It’s a feel-good story everyone can appreciate. Besides otters and their collaborators, of course.
I love the way the otter looked furtively around before it decided to attack. Making sure there were no witnesses…. Pity it didn’t know about youtube.
If we’re staying on the topic of hilarious animal related videos – Warning: Lots of Swearing – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljPFZrRD3J8
Wow…
AGENT ORANGE: What do a terrorist’s arm and a dead crocodile have in common?
AGENT BLACK: I fear you’re about to tell me.
*Agent Orange smiles toothily.*
AGENT BLACK: It has something to do with you beating a criminal to death, doesn’t it?
AGENT ORANGE: Your detective skills are improving! Both are bludgeoning weapons frequently available to first responders.
AGENT BLACK: …
AGENT ORANGE: Just yesterday, honoring the most spectacularly badass traditions of the Floridian people, a lady bystander honorably battered a would-be school shooter with her crocodile handbag! This is the closest a crocodile has ever come to supporting the cause of freedom rather than death, despair and rampant drug addiction.
AGENT BLACK: Oh my God, she could have killed!
AGENT ORANGE: Hah! She had already dismembered a crocodile and fashioned its grotesque hide into an arsenal of liberty. If anyone got lucky today, it was assuredly the criminal! He could not have expected an open-casket funeral.
Um…no offense but the jokes are kinda lame to me. Meh, I’ll just stick with police arresting random pedestrians for not knowing where The Doughnuts of Mass Destruction are…
It’s too late for me
, but someone else might learn something from this helpful life advice. Rated R for Realism.
Hi bmac I wanted to know whether you’re planning on working with dark horse or image comics.
I’m planning on sending my work to image comics when I’ve fully planned out everything, this way I’ll be closer to working with marvel or dc, whichever comes first XD.
Personally, I plan on submitting to Dark Horse and a variety of smaller publishers, but I don’t know if Image’s payment-by-royalties would work for my team. I’ve spoken with my artists, and they would much rather get paid a flat rate upfront rather than the speculative money that COULD come depending on how well it sells.
That said, there are a lot of teams for which Image would be ideal. If the series actually does end up selling well, Image’s royalties will probably pay considerably more than the flat-rate would have been elsewhere. But the team has to be confident it will sell well, which I think is best-suited for a team where ideally everybody (especially the writer) has a track record of success.
Oh k kl.
I have one artist, two writers, two colourists in my team, I guess that’s okay I guess.
Hey B.Mac I Just Need A forum. sry bout posting this on your forum.
I’ve set it up for you here, Marquis. Right now, the text at the top reads “Please see the comments below, thanks,” but if you’d like something more descriptive (like a summary of your story), please let me know what to put in and I can paste that in for you.
thanks
Awww, only 10 points off? That sucks
Amazon did a survey of the best-read cities in America in terms of books, magazines and newspapers purchased per capita. I’m not surprised that college towns dominated the list. The leading cities were Miami, Salt Lake City, Seattle, Orlando, Pittsburgh, St. Louis, Cincinnati, Portland and Atlanta. I’m more surprised by Miami than by Gainesville (home of the University of Florida and, of course, bajillions of super-scholarly gators toting tomes like A Treatise on Awesomeness).
Hey guys im back and dont worry i have still been working, not so hard unfortunely, but what matters is im back and will give you guys some of my ideas and works in progress
Was the site having problems? I tried to get access the site numerous times but I kept getting gateway errors.
Same here Marquis.
My apologies. I thought the technical issues had been resolved, but the site went down again. Anyway, P. Mac’s fix seems to have taken this time…
Man I was seriously worried.Thought i’d have to find a new site thats as active and friendly as this one. Wasn’t looking forward to that.
If I ever do decide to stop updating the site, I’ll give everybody at least a year of advance warning. I wouldn’t actually take it down, though. It only costs me ~$8 a year to keep it up.
Wow thats actually cheaper than I thought! Thats better than a netflix deal $8 a month to $8 a year!
But yeah that’s good to know.
Oh that’s right I’ve been meaning to ask does comicbookguy have a review forum on this site? I’ve been trying to read some of his material,but I can’t seem to find any.
No Marquis I don’t. Sadly I’m still working on my comic book universe, trying to make it perfect and awesome. I appreciate that you’re interested in some material from me. But I have to ask. What got you interested? I mean I haven’t posted anything here.
Also, for anyone that wants to help, I’ve got a question. I want to create a story involving a magic using character. First off, no need to discuss what type of magic or how it looks/acts as I’ve already got all that figured out. My question is this: how do I introduce the idea to my audience?
See my concern is that I don’t want to take too much time explaining how my magic works to my readers. But I’m not naive enough to think that it WON’T take at least some time to explain. I am convinced that I can get everything I need to get across with an adult character. However, my twin brother is of the mind-set that in order to reach my readers I must have the main character in the same shoes they are. Meaning that the main character has to be a young child or teen who is getting trained by an adult. That way, as magic is explained to the character it will be explained to the audience. I understand this concept but there’s a problem.
See I have the ultimate idea of creating six individual heroes who star in there own stories and have their own adventures while fighting their own set of villains. These stories will evetually culminate in the formation of a powerful group of heroes. And in my mind, I can’t have any of these characters be too young. I see them as adults. So I’m a little confused and need some input. Anything you guys can say will help me out a lot. Thanks guys. And thanks for the interest Marquis, hopefully I’ll have something up here soon.
Good times! At some point today, SN will be getting its 750,000th visit. About two weeks ago, we also cleared 500,000 unique readers. Thanks for your help.
Five minutes after watching this subliminal video twice, I had a burning desire to write*. Your results may vary–Snopes’ take on subliminal messaging is probably more representative. That said, if you wake up in the middle of a sixsome with three supermodels and your boys Bartles and Jaymes, let me know how to watch this right.
What’s with the SKC comments? I’ve seen them a few times.
I’m guessing it’s a spambot.
The scene with Marion the Swamp Gator was hilarious! Am I correct to assume that it was a refrence to Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox? If so, well done!
Thanks! Yes, it was a reference to that Marion.