Comments on: 9 Easy-to-Fix Dialogue Mistakes http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/ How to write a superhero book, comic book or superhero novel and get it published Sun, 12 Feb 2012 08:42:54 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: Guardian7 http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-78779 Guardian7 Wed, 15 Sep 2010 04:16:47 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-78779 Here is a comic book version of a character being unable to possible make a crucial point. While others rattle on. Avengers Issue 164 (October 1977) The very beginning of the story shows the Beast trying to get a word in edgewise when the Avengers are discussing Wonder Man's physiology. Beast keeps trying to interject his opinion, but keeps getting drowned out by Yellowjacket, Black Panther and Tony Stark (Iron Man). Beast's frustration is done rather well at not being heard as he stomps off. It is a great bit of characterization and kind of shows what you maybe want. Hopefully that is the kind of scene you mean. If you get a chance read it. That's my 2 cents. Here is a comic book version of a character being unable to possible make a crucial point. While others rattle on.

Avengers Issue 164 (October 1977)

The very beginning of the story shows the Beast trying to get a word in edgewise when the Avengers are discussing Wonder Man’s physiology.

Beast keeps trying to interject his opinion, but keeps getting drowned out by Yellowjacket, Black Panther and Tony Stark (Iron Man).

Beast’s frustration is done rather well at not being heard as he stomps off.

It is a great bit of characterization and kind of shows what you maybe want. Hopefully that is the kind of scene you mean.

If you get a chance read it.

That’s my 2 cents.

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-78760 B. Mac Wed, 15 Sep 2010 01:24:23 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-78760 Hmm. What are they arguing about, what's their relationship like, and what's the personality/voice of the third character like? <br /> ... <br /> --It might be a bit more believable/dramatically effective if the first two characters didn't know how much danger they were in, unless they had a really good reason to argue even though they were in mortal peril. (For example, if they have some disagreement about how best to get out alive, or if the two seriously distrust each other because they think the other got them into this mess, etc). <br /> --It might help if the third character were distracted by something that kept him from fully intruding into the conversation and saying something intelligent like "Knock it off or we're all going to die." For example, maybe he's holding a door closed from an adversary outside while the two remaining heroes are bickering about how they can get out of there. If the third character is distracted by something, I think it'll give you more freedom to let the first two go at it. Hmm. What are they arguing about, what’s their relationship like, and what’s the personality/voice of the third character like?

…

–It might be a bit more believable/dramatically effective if the first two characters didn’t know how much danger they were in, unless they had a really good reason to argue even though they were in mortal peril. (For example, if they have some disagreement about how best to get out alive, or if the two seriously distrust each other because they think the other got them into this mess, etc).

–It might help if the third character were distracted by something that kept him from fully intruding into the conversation and saying something intelligent like “Knock it off or we’re all going to die.” For example, maybe he’s holding a door closed from an adversary outside while the two remaining heroes are bickering about how they can get out of there. If the third character is distracted by something, I think it’ll give you more freedom to let the first two go at it.

]]> By: ekimmak http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-78756 ekimmak Wed, 15 Sep 2010 00:56:39 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-78756 How would you write dialogue for a conversation between two characters, when there's a third character trying to make a point? Like those times where two people are arguing, while a third one tries to point out the mortal peril they're in. How would you write dialogue for a conversation between two characters, when there’s a third character trying to make a point?

Like those times where two people are arguing, while a third one tries to point out the mortal peril they’re in.

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-42738 B. Mac Thu, 01 Oct 2009 07:14:01 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-42738 Great question, Chosen Few. I don't think there's anything wrong with the <i>format</i> of a phrase like "<i>I wonder if I should go out for a drink,</i> he thought." BUT please keep these two things in mind. <br /> 1. <i>I wonder if I should go out for a drink</i> is bland. What's his voice like? This could probably be made more distinctive and interesting. (For example, maybe he's so thirsty that his throat feels like sandpaper). 2. The "he thought" is usually unnecessary and can probably be removed (although this is probably inconsequential-- I know a lot of authors that use it). <br /> In this case, you might have more success moving the thought into conversation. John calls up a friend to meet him at the bar. Here's an example that helps develop his boredom and personality a bit more. JOHN: Hey, Larry! LARRY: What's rocking? [or adjust voice as appropriate] JOHN: Bar-run. You in? LARRY: On a Tuesday? Nah, man. JOHN: Beats C-SPAN. <br /> I think this does a better job of showing his personality. The conversation also gives you an opportunity to develop another one of your characters-- pretty much any character that's remotely friendly with John can be used as "Larry." <br /> Finally, I'd recommend bringing in more specific details (show, don't tell)-- for example, "everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves..." -- what leads him to conclude that? (Maybe body language, music, someone dancing on a table, etc). How are they enjoying themselves? Give us the details to put us in this scene. Great question, Chosen Few. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the format of a phrase like “I wonder if I should go out for a drink, he thought.” BUT please keep these two things in mind.

1. I wonder if I should go out for a drink is bland. What’s his voice like? This could probably be made more distinctive and interesting. (For example, maybe he’s so thirsty that his throat feels like sandpaper).
2. The “he thought” is usually unnecessary and can probably be removed (although this is probably inconsequential– I know a lot of authors that use it).

In this case, you might have more success moving the thought into conversation. John calls up a friend to meet him at the bar. Here’s an example that helps develop his boredom and personality a bit more.
JOHN: Hey, Larry!
LARRY: What’s rocking? [or adjust voice as appropriate]
JOHN: Bar-run. You in?
LARRY: On a Tuesday? Nah, man.
JOHN: Beats C-SPAN.

I think this does a better job of showing his personality. The conversation also gives you an opportunity to develop another one of your characters– pretty much any character that’s remotely friendly with John can be used as “Larry.”

Finally, I’d recommend bringing in more specific details (show, don’t tell)– for example, “everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves…” — what leads him to conclude that? (Maybe body language, music, someone dancing on a table, etc). How are they enjoying themselves? Give us the details to put us in this scene.

]]> By: thechosenfew http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-42669 thechosenfew Wed, 30 Sep 2009 06:26:57 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-42669 How do you do the thinking part in a story, or is that in any books. Like: ~hrm I wonder if I should go out for a drink~ he thinks to him self quietly as he sits on the sofa. Or should it be more like this: as john sits on his old sofa he mutters "I wonder if I should go for a drink to night" still holding the remote control to the T.V. he changes it to the news, he then turns the volume down till there was only mutters coming from the TV. "The world is going into chaos, and I’m thinking about a cold one" he turns it off and leaves for the bar. Walking the cold and harden streets he looks down on the ground to find a paper the symbols on it were written in ink, but couldn't be identified as a language at all. he continues to the bar music could be heard from out side and chatter filled the streets as he drew clear, he opens the wooden framed door, to find no one, he begins to think he is going crazy, he runs through the place searching for the people he once heard searching for the music, he gave up and ran out side collapsing on the ground out of breath, he looks to the ground and he heard the sounds again, he looks towards the door, as it was open half way the music playing, people chatting. a woman walks past the door he stands up and walks to the door opening it slowly then walks in everyone seemed to be enjoying them selves, he leaves and walks back down the street scared on what happened he walks and never stops, back home. How do you do the thinking part in a story, or is that in any books. Like: ~hrm I wonder if I should go out for a drink~ he thinks to him self quietly as he sits on the sofa.

Or should it be more like this: as john sits on his old sofa he mutters “I wonder if I should go for a drink to night” still holding the remote control to the T.V. he changes it to the news, he then turns the volume down till there was only mutters coming from the TV. “The world is going into chaos, and I’m thinking about a cold one” he turns it off and leaves for the bar. Walking the cold and harden streets he looks down on the ground to find a paper the symbols on it were written in ink, but couldn’t be identified as a language at all. he continues to the bar music could be heard from out side and chatter filled the streets as he drew clear, he opens the wooden framed door, to find no one, he begins to think he is going crazy, he runs through the place searching for the people he once heard searching for the music, he gave up and ran out side collapsing on the ground out of breath, he looks to the ground and he heard the sounds again, he looks towards the door, as it was open half way the music playing, people chatting. a woman walks past the door he stands up and walks to the door opening it slowly then walks in everyone seemed to be enjoying them selves, he leaves and walks back down the street scared on what happened he walks and never stops, back home.

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-13352 B. Mac Fri, 12 Dec 2008 03:08:40 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-13352 In a comic book, I think it's sort of accepted that you can be a little bit cheesier in fight scenes. That said, I think some of these are more effective than others. <br /> I'm very fond of "that's my cue!" That feels very natural and subtly reminds us that the character is an actor. <br /> "This is my spotlight, get your own!" has potential, I think, but could be a bit awkward. <br /> "It's time for you to make your exit." OK. <br /> "Are you portraying stupid? Or just letting your true self shine through?" I think that this jargon will be awkward for readers that aren't familiar with the theatre. It also feels like he's trying too hard to remind us that he's an actor. <br /> “Stage is set, make your move!” I think this also sounds like he's trying too hard to remind us that he's an actor. <br /> “An actor never misses his mark." I think this would be OK in dialogue. If this comment came up in context, I think it could be smooth. If it were a one-liner that he just threw out of nowhere, it would probably be too corny. <br /> “If you don’t know me now, you will later." This could probably be rephrased for decisiveness ("you don't know me yet, but you will"). Without the right context, I think this will sound cheesy. <br /> "What’s the matter, got a little stage fright?" This is a neat taunt that, like most of these one-liners, should probably be used only once. Do you think it would be problematic that he's using theatre-jargon in combat? Maybe it would make it easier for his enemies to figure out who he really is. (How many theatre programs are there in the 'hood?) <br /> "You obviously can't handle my stage." This is a bit awkward. I think that it may be smoother for him to build a fuller analogy between the world of superheroes and the world of acting. For example, in Superhero Nation, when one football-crazy agent is trying to explain to a new recruit what OSI work is like, he says "It's like football, but there are no refs, no timeouts, and every play makes the highlight reel." In a comic book, I think it’s sort of accepted that you can be a little bit cheesier in fight scenes. That said, I think some of these are more effective than others.

I’m very fond of “that’s my cue!” That feels very natural and subtly reminds us that the character is an actor.

“This is my spotlight, get your own!” has potential, I think, but could be a bit awkward.

“It’s time for you to make your exit.” OK.

“Are you portraying stupid? Or just letting your true self shine through?” I think that this jargon will be awkward for readers that aren’t familiar with the theatre. It also feels like he’s trying too hard to remind us that he’s an actor.

“Stage is set, make your move!” I think this also sounds like he’s trying too hard to remind us that he’s an actor.

“An actor never misses his mark.” I think this would be OK in dialogue. If this comment came up in context, I think it could be smooth. If it were a one-liner that he just threw out of nowhere, it would probably be too corny.

“If you don’t know me now, you will later.” This could probably be rephrased for decisiveness (“you don’t know me yet, but you will”). Without the right context, I think this will sound cheesy.

“What’s the matter, got a little stage fright?” This is a neat taunt that, like most of these one-liners, should probably be used only once. Do you think it would be problematic that he’s using theatre-jargon in combat? Maybe it would make it easier for his enemies to figure out who he really is. (How many theatre programs are there in the ‘hood?)

“You obviously can’t handle my stage.” This is a bit awkward. I think that it may be smoother for him to build a fuller analogy between the world of superheroes and the world of acting. For example, in Superhero Nation, when one football-crazy agent is trying to explain to a new recruit what OSI work is like, he says “It’s like football, but there are no refs, no timeouts, and every play makes the highlight reel.”

]]> By: Ragged Boy http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-13339 Ragged Boy Fri, 12 Dec 2008 01:58:56 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-13339 Adrian is a very acting oriented person. How much common stage dialoque could I work into his character voice before it becomes annoying? I wanted his catch phrase to be "Stage is set, make your move!" He'd also use a few acting related phrases, some more than others. "That's my cue!" "This is my spotlight, get your own!" "Are you portraying stupid? Or just letting your true self shine through?" "An actor never misses his mark" "If you don't know me now, you will later" "I think it's time for you to make your exit" What's the matter, got a little stage fright" "You obviously can't handle my stage" Most of these would be used in battle. Yeah, some of them are meaner than others but what do you think? Newsflash: The full moon cycle has begun, being an aquarius, my artistic inquiry will be at its best for the next two days. Yay. Adrian is a very acting oriented person. How much common stage dialoque could I work into his character voice before it becomes annoying?

I wanted his catch phrase to be “Stage is set, make your move!”

He’d also use a few acting related phrases, some more than others.

“That’s my cue!”

“This is my spotlight, get your own!”

“Are you portraying stupid? Or just letting your true self shine through?”

“An actor never misses his mark”

“If you don’t know me now, you will later”

“I think it’s time for you to make your exit”

What’s the matter, got a little stage fright”

“You obviously can’t handle my stage”

Most of these would be used in battle. Yeah, some of them are meaner than others but what do you think?

Newsflash: The full moon cycle has begun, being an aquarius, my artistic inquiry will be at its best for the next two days. Yay.

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-12276 B. Mac Sun, 23 Nov 2008 22:35:17 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-12276 Generally, each set of lines from a speaker gets its own paragraph. <br /> That would look something like this... <i> "Hello," said B. Mac. <br /> "It's time for you to die," said Cadet Davis. <br /> "Do you have an army of ninja behind that curtain? If not, I find that highly unlikely," said B. Mac. He found no ninjas behind the curtain. </i> <br /> Here, I think that you could have either three or four paragraphs depending on your preference. "He found no ninjas..." could be made into its own paragraph. (If there were a string of actions there, I'd recommend doing that for aesthetic reasons). <br /> The main spacing/paragraph rule to keep in mind is that line-breaks are only absolutely essential, I think, when the dialogue switches from one speaker to another. You really need to put a line-break between B. Mac's sentence and Davis' sentence. Generally, each set of lines from a speaker gets its own paragraph.

That would look something like this…

“Hello,” said B. Mac.

“It’s time for you to die,” said Cadet Davis.

“Do you have an army of ninja behind that curtain? If not, I find that highly unlikely,” said B. Mac. He found no ninjas behind the curtain.


Here, I think that you could have either three or four paragraphs depending on your preference. “He found no ninjas…” could be made into its own paragraph. (If there were a string of actions there, I’d recommend doing that for aesthetic reasons).

The main spacing/paragraph rule to keep in mind is that line-breaks are only absolutely essential, I think, when the dialogue switches from one speaker to another. You really need to put a line-break between B. Mac’s sentence and Davis’ sentence.

]]> By: Ragged Boy http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-12275 Ragged Boy Sun, 23 Nov 2008 22:21:36 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-12275 One last thing before I get too far in writing, I can come you with the words and punctuation of the dialogue, but writing it out is the hard part for me. When should the dialogue be part of a paragraph and when shouldn't it? Also, when a conversation ends, is the last line of dialogue incorporated into the next full paragraph or is it just its own line? One last thing before I get too far in writing, I can come you with the words and punctuation of the dialogue, but writing it out is the hard part for me. When should the dialogue be part of a paragraph and when shouldn’t it? Also, when a conversation ends, is the last line of dialogue incorporated into the next full paragraph or is it just its own line?

]]> By: The ReTARDISed Whovian http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-11285 The ReTARDISed Whovian Sun, 09 Nov 2008 07:31:59 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-11285 I think I'll go with "dang". Thanks! I think I’ll go with “dang”. Thanks!

]]> By: Ragged Boy http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-11278 Ragged Boy Sun, 09 Nov 2008 02:12:04 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-11278 I'm pretty sure "shit" is worse than "crap", B.Mac. I’m pretty sure “shit” is worse than “crap”, B.Mac.

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-11276 B. Mac Sun, 09 Nov 2008 01:29:33 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-11276 I think that censoring it might be too intrusive for your readers. I recommend "dang" or "shit." Dilbert used "carp." I think that censoring it might be too intrusive for your readers. I recommend “dang” or “shit.” Dilbert used “carp.”

]]> By: The ReTARDISed Whovian http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-11271 The ReTARDISed Whovian Sat, 08 Nov 2008 23:27:52 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-11271 Would a publisher hold it against me if I had something like this? "Oh, ^&%$! I haven't done my assignment!" Since I'm writing for teens, I'm not having any word worse than "crap". But I want to show how upset he is by using a worse word, but censoring it. Would this be a problem? Would a publisher hold it against me if I had something like this?

“Oh, ^&%$! I haven’t done my assignment!”

Since I’m writing for teens, I’m not having any word worse than “crap”. But I want to show how upset he is by using a worse word, but censoring it. Would this be a problem?

]]> By: The ReTARDISed Whovian http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-10509 The ReTARDISed Whovian Wed, 22 Oct 2008 05:24:01 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-10509 Okay, thanks! :) Okay, thanks! :)

]]> By: B. Mac http://www.superheronation.com/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/comment-page-1/#comment-10508 B. Mac Wed, 22 Oct 2008 05:22:26 +0000 http://www.superheronation.com/blog/2008/01/01/8-easily-avoidable-dialogue-mistakes/#comment-10508 Yeah, the double-quotes are used on the outside. The <a href=http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_quote.html rel="nofollow">example used by Perdue's Online Writing Lab</a> is... <br /> <blockquote>The agricultural reporter for the newspaper explained, "When I talked to the Allens last week, they said, 'We refuse to use that pesticide.' "</blockquote> <br /> However, that's the set style for American writers. The rules <a href=http://forum.wordreference.com/showpost.php?s=c8aefc2eb33da6c75ee4d0beb717620e&p=787394&postcount=4 rel="nofollow">may be reversed for British English</a>. I've never written for a British publisher, but my guess is that if you gave one a manuscript that used American-style quotes, they probably wouldn't hold it against you very much. Yeah, the double-quotes are used on the outside. The example used by Perdue’s Online Writing Lab is…

The agricultural reporter for the newspaper explained, “When I talked to the Allens last week, they said, ‘We refuse to use that pesticide.’ “

However, that’s the set style for American writers. The rules may be reversed for British English. I’ve never written for a British publisher, but my guess is that if you gave one a manuscript that used American-style quotes, they probably wouldn’t hold it against you very much.

]]>