1. Chapter nine revision is up there whenever somebody has time.
2. I just had a writing streak and finished chapters 10-12! YEAH! I will post them as soon as the Chapter 9 revisions are looked over, or maybe before.
3. I’m going to review J.M.’s post in the contest thread as soon as I get back from dinner.

Brett, out!

-Abandoned and Alone (emphasizes Alex and company’s half)

OR

-In Trouble (Which applies to both halves)

What do you think?
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I also gave special attention to giving the siblings more personality in ways that are subtle enough not to be intrusive (especially for Chandra and Zenobia), and by giving them (Mike in particular) more to say. My basic characterization for the siblings is as follows:

-Mike: He is the scholar, philosopher, and contemplative intellectual. Only a hint of Spockism, not much. He’s “cooler” in temperament than Alex, but still sides with him on most occasions.

-Chandra: she’s emotional and timid as opposed to her mouthy older sister, who is somewhat protective of her. He emotionalism annoys Alex and Mike, who think she needs to toughen up and that she’s illogical, respectively. She will side with Karen on most occasions.

-Zenobia: She’s the little rebel who’s just plain fed up with the fighting and wants no part of it. She sides based on who’s actually right at the time, not based on sibling politics

One other important note: I changed a couple names. Mike is now Seth and Karen is now Kiana.
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Chapter 9: Abandoned and Alone

The next morning, the small group awoke expecting to hear their parents giving instructions to break camp, make breakfast, and prepare to continue their journey. But strangely, their voices were absent. Zenobia, the youngest, walked a few paces away from the group and began slashing her sword at the air, killing the imaginary soldiers who had taken her parents, aunt, and uncle from her. Seth sat quietly, eyes distant, as if contemplating some great mystery, breaking his reverie only to kill small insects foolish enough to wander close to him. Alex sat near the campfire, using his powers to make shapes out of the flames, honing his skills for the next battle. His concentration was broken by Chandra, who had started to cry.

“Would you shut up, Chandra!”
“Yes, please!” Seth added. “None of us can think straight with your nonstop weeping.”

“Leave her alone, Seth,” Kiana said. “And while you’re at it, both you and your brother can grow hearts to go along with your retarded brains.”

“Hypocrite.” Alex and Seth replied.

Kiana rolled her eyes and went back to what she was doing earlier: staring at the horizon. She called herself “planning their next move.” But there was one small problem. She walked back toward the campfire, frustrated.

“Ugh! Does anyone know where we are?”

“Yes,” Alex said. “We’re thirty miles south of Keronau and sixty miles east of the Nuba Bridge. Seriously, can’t you girls read maps?” He waved a piece of parchment in the air. “Or perhaps such a noble purebred human as yourself is far too dignified to do such common tasks.”

“What’s your issue, Alex?”

“I’m just pointing out that if it weren’t for your masquerading, we’d still be at home right now.”

“I think what you mean is, if it weren’t for your arrogance and stupidity, we’d still be at home right now.”

A tongue of flame from the campfire leaped up toward her. Kiana jumped back in surprise and locked eyes with Alex. Energy crackled at her fingertips.

“Guys, this isn’t helping.” Zenobia said, stepping between them. Her sword was still drawn. “Mom, Dad, Uncle Xavier and Aunt Rishi are on their own. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is. All that matters now is getting to Olorad.”

“She’s right, Alex,” Kiana said, crossing her arms and cocking her head to the side.

“Fine. So what’s your brilliant plan, now that you’ve finally figured out where we are, oh fearless leader?”

Kiana tossed her hair back, disregarding Alex’s snide remark. “Well, since Keronau is only a day north of here, I say we head into the city, get some supplies, and then continue to Olorad.”

“Undeniably bad move. I’m against it one hundred percent,” Seth said, shaking his head.

“And I’m with Seth,” Alex said, pointing at the northward horizon. “If we take the detour into Keronau we’ll not only lose an entire day of travel, but we’ll also be risking capture in a city crawling with soldiers.”

“I agree with you, Kiana,” Chandra spoke up. “I’m kinda tired of pack food,” she murmured, wiping her eyes.

“Chandra,” Alex said, fixing her with a harsh stare, “we have stick to the plan. Dad told us to avoid cities for a reason. And–”

At this point, Zenobia sensed yet another argument and threw her hands up in resignation. “Once you guys stop arguing, I’ll be over here if you need me.”

No one heard her, and the word war continued. “Our parents are gone,” Kiana said. “And they put me in charge.”

“Ancient Kenlor proverb,” Seth said. ‘In the hands of the inconsiderate, power is tyranny.’”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Kiana asked.

“It mean’s you’re an egocentric shrew. Plain enough, simpleton?”

Alex laughed at Seth’s comment.

“Spitting out proverbs for every situation doesn’t make you a wise man, Seth,” Kiana retorted.

“And being in charge doesn’t make you a leader, Kiana,” Seth shot back.

“And what is that supposed to mean? Ugh, forget it. Besides, what you and your brother missed in your analysis is that the Knights have permission from the king, who lives in Keronau, by the way, to operate in Anassia. The lieutenant said so when we were captured. My bet is that the king has no clue what Halifax is doing. If we are captured, all we have to do is show the king the Knights’ crest and explain everything.”

“What you missed in your analysis is that we have no guarantee of seeing the king,” Alex said.

“Hmph!” Kiana tossed her hair in annoyance and began to stomp away. She turned back and said, “You know, it doesn’t matter what you think Alex. I have the crest, I have the Seer mark, I’m the leader, and I say we go!”

The group packed up camp and headed north. On the way, Alex took a shiny golden object on a silver chain out of his pocket. He smiled. “You have the crest, eh? I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” A few minutes later, Kiana screamed when she discovered her loss, and Alex basked in the sweet satisfaction of a plot well planned.

Captain Halifax was furious. He tramped into his accommodations in the barracks of the Royal Guard’s Keronau garrison and slammed the door. He did not want to be disturbed. He slumped into a nearby chair, made high quality leather with the Anassite coat of arms embossed on it in gold.

Yet again, he had been outwitted by the Knights Telessar. The abomination children had escaped without a trace. Frustrating, but not the worst part. The worst part was that during the confusion caused by the explosives and mist, Halifax had somehow managed to lose sixty-seven men to a force of only four. And as much as he hated to admit it, the Knight’s strategy had been good. Despicably good. Of the fifty men he had handpicked for this mission, Halifax had only a pitiful eight remaining. And this time, the king wasn’t going to believe any cover story about desert raiders attacking the borders, or civilian uprisings and riots.

Just then, a knock sounded at the door, interrupting Halifax’s impassioned delivery. “Enter.” he said, his voice rough with irritation.

Captain Klass, Halifax’s new aide, walked into the room and gave his general a smart salute. “General Halifax, sir.” he pronounced the title with a hint of scorn in his voice. Klass was quite unlike the dedicated and loyal, if over-cautious, Grader. He was sneering, rebellious, and dissident. Nevertheless, Halifax had picked him as his new aide. The general felt that Klass had two redeeming characteristics. First, he had much more personality and fire than the more conservative Grader did. Second, even if Klass was a bit two-faced, at least he was so openly. Halifax would have no worries about his second-in-command plotting against him behind his back. And right now, that was crucial.

“At ease, Captain. Sit down.”

The captain did as ordered, but was a bit jumpy, as if he had something he couldn’t wait to get out.

“Klass, have I ever told you about my brother, Jaxon?”

Klass put on an annoyed expression. “No, sir.”

“Ah,” Halifax said with a wistful expression. “Well, when I was a lad, I joined the Royal Guard to follow in his steps. Not long afterward, because of his exemplary talent and as both soldier and officer, Jaxon was invited to join the Knights Telessar. I begged him not to go, but he went. It’s because he went, that he is no longer alive.”

Klass rolled his eyes. He could care less about the General’s life story.

“And he didn’t even die a soldier’s death, but an unnatural demise at the hands of some arcane witchery. Curse the Knights and their infernal meddling,” Halifax continued. “It is my duty to cleanse this kingdom of them all. Demons in men’s clothing that they are. But anyway, what did you come to report?”

Klass heaved a sigh of relief. Finally. “There is both good news and bad news, sir.”

“What is the bad news?” Halifax said with a sigh.

The captain smiled, taking pleasure in being the bearer of bad news. “The men are uneasy with your command sir. Word of our tragic losses at the hands of the Knights has spread through the ranks like wildfire.”

Halifax clenched his fist. “Now I wonder who was responsible for that?” he said, fixing Klass with a glare.

The captain was positively beaming. I don’t have a clue, sir.”

“Of course not. Now that you’ve had your fun, Captain, tell the men they are not to speak of these things. To anyone. It’s getting hard enough to keep the men in check as it is. And make not mistake, it isn’t just my career, and head, at stake here. Understand?”
The captain’s smile faded. He hadn’t thought that he might also be held responsible for the mishap with the Knights. “Yes, sir.”

“Good,” Halifax said. This was one order he was certain Klass would follow. “And the good news?”

Klass sparked to life, putting on smile that outshone the previous one. “We have them in our sights, sir.”

“Have whom?”

“The Knights’ five children. They are in the city now.”

Halifax’s eyebrows shot up. “What? You’re sure of this?”

“Positive, sir.”

“Well, what are you waiting for, imbecile? Get thirty men ready immediately, we will capture them now.”

“Thirty men, Halifax? Isn’t that a bit much? We just lost over three scores to the Knights and now you want to send another score and a half? The soldiers will assume you’re sending even more of them out to be slaughtered. One of them might even be tempted to report you. To the king.”

Halifax noted that Klass had neglected to address him by his title and shot him another steely glare. “General Halifax. And my orders are to be obeyed, not questioned. We have underestimated the Knights to disastrous results. We must not do so again.”

“Yes, sir.” There was that sneer again.

“And Klass?”

“Sir?”

“Under no circumstances are those children to reach the king’s palace. If our cover story deteriorates, it will be the end for both of us. As it stands, the only way out for us is to ‘prove’ this Knights Telessar conspiracy. Understand?”

“Completely, General.”

“Excellent. Dismissed!”

Outside the door, Klass said loud enough for Halifax to hear, “Hmph! Mad as a March hare.”

Oh. That’s where things get a little sticky. I’ll have to send B. Mac the complete, fully edited first issue script. And that could take a while seeing as I’m without internet. I guess you could wait. Alternatively, if you’re in the mood for an adventure you could rummage through my forum for pieces of semi-completed work. I understand that that doesn’t sound very appetizing, but its always there. You can comment on anything you’d like.

Peace!

I’d love your review of Showtime thus far, Brett ol’ boy.

Ok, so I read chaper nine and I thinks it pretty good. Although, I definitely feel that Halifax’s scene stole the chapter. I like Halifax’s characterization. I’d definitely recommend that you pump up the roles of the younger siblings. It’s too late to remove them (and I wouldn’t want you to, anyway) so at least make them interesting. Michael’s got a little personality, but Zenobia and Chandra are pretty dry. Zenobia is Karen’s younger sister, right?

Other than that I’d say just go along with B. Mac’s comments.

On a side note, I’d like to say that I’m enjoying reading and reviewing your work. Keep up the awesome work, bro!